Chapter Text
Saturday nights are meant to be fun. It’s Taehyung’s philosophy that they’ve all tried to live by since their college days, so the group of friends find themselves in their bar of choice.
“I’m so glad that you could both make it today,” Jimin directs towards Jin and Namjoon, the former of which is already on his third shot of soju.
His eyes land subtly on Namjoon, “Yeah, it’s really nice to see everyone. Some of us have been too busy lately.”
It sounds like a reasonable comment as they’re all successful and busy twenty-something year olds, but Namjoon can’t help but feel personally criticized by the comment. It’s true that he has been spending more and more time at the studio lately, enough so that even Yoongi has had to kick him out on several occasions. Namjoon loves his job, but he knows that he has been avoiding returning home because all he and Jin seem to do lately is fight. It’s as if they argue just to have something to talk about and the younger is tired of all the hostility and passive aggression.
Namjoon spares a quick glance at his partner, who is now engaged in a conversation about business with Taehyung and Yoongi, and sighs in discontent.
To his left, Jimin and Jungkook are gushing openly about some dancer hyung they know who is finally coming to visit them. Namjoon wants to enjoy and partake in the fun; he’s around people he loves, in a bar where they have created countless and priceless memories, but he can’t stop his heart from aching.
He finds it difficult to reconcile that this unhappiness and misery is a reality he shares with the love of his life. They have always thrived on mutual commination, trust, and compromise, so Namjoon can’t fathom a world where they make petty remarks that tear each other down. Him and Jin have been that couple since their college days, but even Namjoon’s mother has asked him (on multiple occasions) if they’re going through a rough patch.
His eyes fall back to the man he loves and he finds brown orbs staring back at him before quickly turning away, as if caught. Something in his chest throbs. He craves the arguments as much as he yearns for the peace of mind that blankets him while at work. When they’re not in conflict, they’re steadfastly ignoring each other’s presence and Namjoon doesn’t know what to do with their failing relationship.
He knows, positive that Jin does as well, that at their current pace and trajectory, their love will fade, not with a bang, but a quiet sigh of apathy.
Namjoon feels terrified at such a prospect.
He’s quick to shake off the misery, though it clings to him like a second skin, and downs his own shot.
He doesn’t know how him and Jin are going to work through their problems, but he’s determined to enjoy himself tonight…
…
Namjoon enjoys himself too much. This thought continues to pound against his skull as he empties his stomach into the toilet bowl.
Sweat glues his platinum strands to his forehead, giving him a clammy appearance. In the back of his mind, he wonders about the image he paints. Whether his miserable emotions are canvassing his entire body, making him appear unsightly and unpleasant to the man he loves.
Jin’s hand is rubbing soothing patterns onto his back, but the blonde can feel the judgement rolling off the elders in waves.
He’s grateful that he isn’t saying anything. Namjoon doesn’t have the will or energy to fight tonight.
“Why did you even drink so much? You’re an adult, Namjoon”. Jin says the second the thought crosses Namjoon’s mind. His voice sounds more condescending than Namjoon remembers and it grates against his temper. “You should know better.”
He should have just kept his thoughts quiet.
“That’s rich coming from you, hyung. You had two more bottles than I did.”
“I’m not a baby, Namjoon-ah, I can actually hold my drinks.”
Jin’s sigh is long suffering and Namjoon wants to flush himself, along with the contents of his stomach, down the toilet.
He’s so worn out.
“Can you not? I’m too tired for this.”
“It’s always something with you,” Jin sneers. “I’m too tired, hyung. I have a deadline, hyung. I made plans, hyung.” He spits in a mockery of Namjoon’s tone of voice. “Why don’t you ever want to talk to me? Are you that tired of me? What else can I do for you to notice me and acknowledge me, Namjoon?”
Jin’s nostrils are flaring and Namjoon feels a premature hangover settling in. His partner’s ears are glowing red, a blaring signal for Namjoon to not escalate the situation, but he feels frustration bubble and spill over as he flushes the toilet and wipes his mouth.
“Do you think I want to ignore you? What else do you want me to do when all you do is complain about something I’m failing at, Seokjin?”
Namjoon can’t ever recall calling Jin by his full name, definitely not with such a hostile tone. He can see Jin’s hackles rising. While he’s always been an easy-going kind of guy, Jin can also tear Namjoon down better than anyone. Knows what points to push to have his partner feeling useless and vulnerable.
A passive aggressive Kim Seokjin is one that should inspire dread in the toughest of men and Namjoon is a man at his breaking point.
He isn’t prepared for the resigned sigh that follows his outburst.
“Why are you with me if all I do is make you miserable?”
“I don’t know either!”
The words are out of his mouth before Namjoon can swallow them back down. Maybe he’s still drunk because he didn’t mean anything that just came out of his mouth.
He’s with Jin because he loves him.
He wishes that they would stop fighting. He wishes that Jin wouldn’t take out his stress on him, but none of their problems have diminished the love Namjoon carries in his heart for the elder.
“I didn’t mean that, hyung.”
He tries to soothe the frown marring Jin’s handsome features.
“I love you, hyung. I’m just tired. Can we please talk in the morning?”
The frown continues to taint Jin’s perfect lips, but Namjoon stands his ground. Relaxes his shoulders, so he doesn’t come across as hostile.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. You should sleep.”
In the guest room is left unspoken, but Namjoon knows that where he’ll be spending his night. It’s where he’s spent the past few nights he bothered to return to their shared apartment.
“Goodnight, hyung.”
“Goodnight.”
He watches Jin leave the bathroom, presumably to go to bed, but Namjoon lingers in the bathroom. There are tears biting at the corners of his eyes and he’s powerless to stop them.
He sits on the floor and cries. Cries for a love that is constantly leaking through his fingers.
He hopes that time is kind to them and helps them heal and doesn’t tear them further apart.
»◦◊◦«
The sun bounces of orange locks as Hoseok steps onto the walk bridge with joy in his heart and a smile on his face.
It’s been nearly a decade since he decided to chase his dreams of being a choreographer in The United States. He’s been away from home for so long and he longs to reconnect with his two best friends.
His steps are light as he finally makes it towards baggage claim to collect his multiple suitcases. He looks at the four bags in front of him and hopes that he’s not been left to fend for himself.
As he contemplates how to manoeuvre three suitcases, a backpack, and a carry on, he hears a shrill cry cut through the space.
“Hobi-hyung!”
Hoseok is engulfed by sixty kilograms of one Park Jimin before he even traces the voice to a body. Despite the warranted odd stares that they’re garnering around them, their passionate reunion is exactly in step with the friendship that they’ve always maintained.
“It’s so good to see you, hyung. I’ve missed you so much.”
“My lovely Jiminie. Hyung has missed you, too”. He bends down to plant a wet kiss on Jimin’s temple, his smile dripping with affection. There are tears gathered in the corners of both of their eyes as they slowly bask in each other’s presence.
Jimin is giggling into Hoseok’s shoulder when a quieter voice cuts through their reunion.
“I see how it is. You just came back for Jiminie. You forgot all about this old hyung.”
Hobi nearly gives himself whiplash in his haste to turn around. He full on crying when he takes in his other best friend. Before anyone can say anything, he hits Yoongi in his chest.
“Hyung, you said you weren’t coming. You just wanted to see me cry.” He turns and points an accusing finger towards Jimin, “I can’t believe you went along with this. I’m going back.”
The elder’s gummy smile is wide and tender as he drops his act and wraps his arms around his childhood best friend.
“Surprise.”
At another suspiciously wet laugh, Yoongi draws the younger’s body closer to his own, shooting a glance over his shoulder at Jimin so they can surround their sunshine in love. Hoseok had an amazing eight years travelling the world and teaching dance to some of the biggest names in the industry, but nothing compares to the feeling of familiarity being at home brings.
“Welcome back, Seok-ah”.
Despite the eyes he can still feel on them, Hoseok can’t seem to pull himself away from his friends and they indulge him, themselves also grateful for the lack of distance between them.
They stay wrapped up around each other for another minute before Yoongi is grunting and pushing them away with a smile on his face.
His eyes are also suspiciously red but none of them are going to call him out.
He loves that about them.
“I can’t believe that you didn’t come home for eight years. What gives, Seok-ah?!” Yoongi’s complaint is accompanied with a loving and well-deserved headlock.
“I’m sorry, hyung, but I’ll fill you guys in later. Let’s do it over dinner? I’m exhaust-“ his words are interrupted by a full-body yawn and Jimin and Yoongi take pity on him and start shepherding him towards the entrance, dragging his multiple suitcases along with them.
Yoongi’s car is sleek and compact, perfect for the busy streets of Seoul, but it barely fits two of Hoseok’s suitcases in the boot.
Jimin sacrifices his passenger seat and squeezes himself besides the other two suitcases in the back.
The drive from the airport to Jimin’s apartment is only about thirty minutes, but it gives them plenty of time to talk about the biggest changes in their lives.
“We have so much to show you, hyung. Tae almost fought me when I told him he couldn’t come with. He’s been dying to meet you.”
Yoongi pipes up from the front, eager for his boyfriend to meet one of his favourite people. “Kookie as well. He’s been so excited since we mentioned that you were coming.”
Hoseok laughs heartily at that. He can almost picture the pout on Taehyung’s and Jungkook’s lips. They’ve facetimed often enough that they may as well all be best friends at this point.
“I was honestly a little surprised when I thought only Jiminie was coming to pick me up."
Yoongi eyes Jimin through the rear-view mirror, a smug smile on his face.
“I told you we should’ve just rented a van.”
“Hyung, no. You spoil them too much. Tae and Jungkookie need to learn some patience.”
“We could’ve brought the entire gang with us.”
“I don’t want Hobi hyung to be mobbed. He only just came back. He should settle down before getting ambushed.”
He leans forward, wraps his hand around Hoseok’s shoulder’s and squeezes.
“You will be ambushed. You’ve always been soft, hyung, so prepare yourself in advance. Tae’s an octopus.”
Hoseok heart swells twofold within his chest. He feels so loved and adored by his best friends and their partners, though he’s never met either of them in real life. He’s even heard a little of the remaining two members of their friend group, though, he’s never been introduced to them or seen pictures of them.
He’s so excited to meet everyone that Jimin and Yoongi hold dear. He’s been away for so long, so he’s not at all adverse to the idea of making four new best friends.
“My mind and body have been ready since I got on the plane.”
Hoseok can’t hide his smile or mask his happiness. Excitement bubbles in his heart as he envisions this phase of his life in a new city, surrounded by old friends and new opportunities.
»◦◊◦«
Jimin is out and Hoseok and Taehyung are making good use of their plush leather couch and 4K tv. They’re bonding under the pretence of watching anime. In truth, Taehyung is also on a mission to create another otaku in their friend group after his success with Jimin.
“Jiminie wasn’t lying when he said that you know nothing about anime. What kind of childhood did you even suffer through?”
Taehyung’s boxy grin is out in full effect today, wearing his happiness on his sleeve. While he has had years to connect with the dancer over facetime, he had been a little worried about how well they would mesh in person.
Taehyung’s worries had immediately dissipated when Yoongi had dropped Hoseok and Jimin off at their apartment two days ago and the man had practically thrown himself at him.
It wasn’t often that the younger met others his age that were so open and honest with their affections.
Their online friendship has seamlessly transitioned into a real life one and Taehyung feels comfortable enough to tease his hyung.
Hoseok struggles for a way to defend his appalling lack of anime knowledge. He feels indignant that he’s being made fun off for thinking that SpongeBob counted an anime.
“What even is anime? Isn’t it supposed to be short for animation? Ergo, shouldn’t SpongeBob, an animation, be regarded as an anime?”
The blush he was already sporting creeps it’s way below his shirt when he sees the way Taehyung is holding himself back from laughing at him.
“Go ahead and laugh at your hyung. It’s not my fault that I spent my youth dancing.”
“Hyung, I can see how you and Jiminie became friends. Don’t worry, I’ve turned him into an anime aficionado. Give me a few months and I’ll have you wanting an anime waifu, too.”
Taehyung is definitely the most interesting and ridiculous human that Hoseok has ever met, but he’s so grateful that both of his best friends have found relationships with partners that love and adore them unconditionally.
His heart gives a little pang of loneliness but Hoseok shrugs those thoughts away. It’s been years since his last relationship and it had ended on a spectacularly awful note, so he doesn’t feel any sense of urgency to jump into another one.
He’ll just let life happen and hopefully, Mr. right will stumble onto his path and he’ll be able to recognize him.
»◦◊◦«
It’s another night of Jin and Namjoon slowly falling apart. The knowledge that they may no longer be a couple feels inevitable. Even their friends have started commenting on the constant bickering and petty arguments.
“The others keep asking us to meet up.”
Namjoon barely lifts his head from his soundboard when Jin enters his workroom. He’s trying to find solace in music while he’s at home. Maybe if he can immerse himself long enough to fight off any hostility, he and Jin can start working through their differences again.
“I don’t feel like going out. You go if you want.”
He sounds dismissive and his partner steps further into the room. Jin looks a tad sad when Namjoon finally glances up at him.
“We rarely go out as it is and when we do, it’s never together.”
“I just don’t want the others constantly asking me if we’re fighting. They should just mind their own business.”
“Namjoon, stop acting like an ass.” Jin huffs, impatiently. “They just want us to meet one of their best friends. Why can’t you just come. It’s just one night to introduce ourselves.”
“What’s the point? I don’t need another person trying to figure out why our relationship is failing, okay?”
Namjoon abruptly gets up and walks to the front room, Jin hot on his heels.
“Where are you going, Namjoon-ah? It’s nearly midnight. Let’s go to bed.”
“What’s the point when we don’t even sleep together anymore?”
“Namjoon-ah, please.”
Jin’s hands wrap around his arm and Namjoon’s takes a deep, calming, breath. He’s not even angry. He’s exhausted and miserable. His entire life seems to be falling apart and where he would’ve found comfort and solace in his boyfriend, all he feels is inadequate.
He hasn’t written or produced a good song in weeks and it’s starting to take its toll on his psyche. Jin has always been his muse and songs had always come easily when he imagined his boyfriend’s handsome face, gentle smile, and caring nature.
Namjoon feels another migraine pulse behind his eyelids and he wants them to get past this rough patch already. He wants to look at his boyfriend again and see the man he loves more than anything.
More than anyone.
He wants to look at the love of his life and not be met with a disappointed scowl.
Namjoon wants so much, but he’s worried about how to ask for them without setting off another pointless argument.
“Hyung...”
Words rest heavily on Namjoon’s tongue, waiting to be uttered.
He has had this thought gnawing at the back of his mind for a few weeks and he fears voicing them into existence. He’s thought hard about the implications this could have on their relationship and how Jin would react to this, but at their correct trajectory, he doesn’t know what else he can do to keep Jin in his life and keep him happy.
“Hyung, can we talk for a second?”
Even he can tell that he sounds apprehensive. He intertwines his hand with Jin’s and walks him to their bedroom, a room he technically hasn’t slept in for almost three weeks now.
They sit on the bed, thighs pressed against each other as Namjoon finally meets Jin’s questioning gaze.
“Hyung, I’m going to suggest something, and I don’t want you to get angry, okay?”
“Are you breaking up with me?” Jin’s voice sounds small and unsure and Namjoon grips his hands tighter.
“Of course, not, hyung. I’m not. I can’t.”
“You can’t?”
“No, shit. That came out wrong. I don’t want to. I want to be with you, hyung.”
“Then why have you been acting like this?”
Jin’s eyes are slowly turning red. His BB cream is starting to smudge and fade and Namjoon hates himself a little. He’s been so preoccupied with his own stress and unhappiness that he’s failed to notice the dark circles under Jin’s eyes.
The realisation spurs him on to follow through with this wild idea because if he can’t make Jin happy, someone out there should. He really deserves happiness. Namjoon has always thought that he could make Jin happier than anymore, but he’s been steadily failing at his task.
They love each other too much to give up on one another, but things just aren’t working out as they should.
“Hyung, you know I love you, right?”
The moment of hesitation makes Namjoon feel like a failure of a partner. Despite Jin’s soft, “Yes, I know” that arrives several heartbeats later, the clear uncertainty in his voice still kills the younger.
But Namjoon has always been good with words. Knows how to convey himself with confidence that he doesn’t necessarily possess.
“That’s good, hyung, because I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, but-”
Namjoon takes a deep breath, stills his heart, and strengthens his resolve.
“I want us to see other people.”
There.
It’s out in the open.
There’s a palpable silence choking the room and Jin’s stunned expression almost forces Namjoon to take back his words. Play it off as a sick joke and deal with the inevitable fallout.
“Excuse me? I don’t think I heard you well, Namjoon-ah. Maybe I am getting old.”
He’s quick to draw his hands away from Namjoon’s and create space between them on the bed.
“Hyung, please, just listen.”
“I am listening. You just told me you don’t want to break up with me and you still love me, but you want to see other people? Kim Namjoon, what the fuck? How can you say that? Am I not good enough for you? What more could I possibly do, Namjoon?”
Namjoon foresaw this conversation, foresaw Jin’s anger and his personal guilt for having made such a suggestion, but he had not foreseen Jin, ridiculously handsome and confident Jin, feeling inadequate.
“Hyung, please, stop. Listen to me.” Namjoon quickly grabs him by the arm again, pulling the elder against his chest and holding him there. It’s probably the first time in a month that they’ve actually hugged.
His heart twists. He has to be making the correct decision.
He’s too selfish to let Jin go, but he’s not selfish enough to deny him of the happiness Namjoon is clearly failing at giving him.
“Hyung, please, just think about it. I love you. You don’t say it anymore, but I know that you still love me.”
He hears a sob against his shoulder as he powers through the pain gripping his heart.
“I don’t know how to make you happy. I’m trying, hyung. It may not seem like it, but I really am. I don’t want to break up with you. I hope that you don’t want to break up with me, but we can’t keep going like this. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of feeling inadequate. You’re so precious to me, hyung, but we’re not making each other happy right now. We’ve been together since we were fourteen. I don’t know how to love anyone but you, but sometimes love isn’t enough and I’m just so tired of feeling miserable. I don’t want to hold you back and make you unhappy and I don’t want to be unhappy either. And I am, hyung. I’m really unhappy.”
Jin feels bile rise in his throat. His body is warring between pulling Namjoon closer and pushing him away.
The blond feels another sob wrack through the elder’s body and takes a step back. Without the comfort of Namjoon’s arms around him, Jin’s heart plummets and his body itches with a need to leave Namjoon’s presence before he says something that they will both regret.
“I can’t, Namjoon… I just. I need to go.”
Namjoon’s heart plummets and panic roots him to his spot.
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know. I just need to be somewhere else right now.”
Worry kicks him back in motion. Namjoon hears the true meaning behind Jin’s words.
Their home isn’t the problem. Namjoon is.
“Hyung, don’t go. It’s late. I’ll go to the studio, so you can have some space.”
Those seem to be the exact wrong words.
“Just admit it. All you care about is work. If you want to break up with me, just do it and go.”
“Hyung, no. Please, I just don’t want you walking aimlessly at night. I don’t want you to get hurt, hyung, please.”
“But you keep hurting me, Namjoon.”
All the fight leaves the room and all that remains are two people who love each other but can’t seem to reconcile their differences.
“If you’re that worried, I’ll call Yoongi and ask if I can spend the night.”
Namjoon doesn’t want to air out all their drama to their friends, but if it’s what Jin needs, then he’ll bite his tongue and live with the consequences.
“Okay. Please come back home when the sight of me doesn’t upset you anymore. I’ll be waiting, but hyung, please think about what I said.”
Within several heartbeats, Jin throws on a hoodie, slips on his shoes, and walks out of the door.
Namjoon really hopes that he’s not walking out of his life.
The cold air whips around Jin when he whips out his phone to check the train schedule and message his friend.
Jin: Yoongi…
Jin: Are you awake?
He’s calculating how much a taxi might cost when a message from Yoongi comes through.
Suga: Yes, hyung. Are you okay?
Why are you messaging me so late?
Jin: Do you think that I could spend the night?
Suga: Of course, hyung. Are you okay?
Where is Namjoon?
Jin: We’re not doing so great at the moment. I’ll tell you about it when I get there.
Suga: Should I pick you up? It’s really late.
Jin: No, no. Don’t worry.
I’m already outside. I’ll get a taxi.
Thanks Yoongi-ya. I’ll see you soon.
Suga: Get here safely, hyung. I’ll see you soon.
»◦◊◦«
It’s only been two weeks since his return to Seoul but Hoseok is itching to start working again. He’s grateful for the break the past two weeks have granted him, but he’s ready to start work at Big Hit Entertainment. When Jimin and Jungkook had independently reached out to him about a new Head choreographer position, he had been reluctant, but he had missed his home something fierce.
By the time he had submitted his audition videos, attended several online interviews, it hadn’t been a particularly difficult decision to leave his new home behind. He had friends, students, and clients that he would miss dearly, but Hoseok was ready to return to his family and special people.
As he walks into the company building, besides Jimin and Jungkook, the latter of which has taken to playing with his hair, Hobi feels nervous energy course through him.
He really wants to do this job well and teach some of the best trainees and idols that South Korea has to offer.
“Thank you so much for contacting me about this,” he says to Jungkook and Jimin when they show him his new office.
“Hyung, of course. You’re one of the best dancers I’ve ever met. Of course, we thought of you.”
They talk about possible dances that they could cook up together, ideas bouncing back and forth. Hoseok has missed dancing in Korea, missed dancing with Jimin specifically, and he’s excited to see what he can learn from working with Jungkook.
Several hours tick by without any concern from the trio until Jungkook’s stomach rumbles and halts their conversation.
The youngest offers an embarrassed little smile and pats his tummy shyly.
“I woke up late this morning, so I didn’t have time to eat breakfast.”
Jimin smiles devilishly at him, eyebrows practically dancing off his forehead.
“Late night, eh, Jungkookie?”
“Hyung! It’s not like that. We stayed up talking.”
Jungkook’s face is growing hotter and redder as Jimin continues to tease him about his sex life with their other best friend.
He’s blushing at an alarming rate and Hoseok takes pity on the poor boy. They weren’t sexually active when Hoseok decided to hop on a plane to the other side of the world, but he clearly remembers Jimin’s filthy mouth. The way he spoke about sex like he hadn’t also been a virgin back then.
Hoseok snorts good-naturedly from his position on his leather chair and throws a balled-up piece of paper, grinning widely when it hits Jimin squarely on his forehead.
“Stop bullying Jungkookie, Jimin-ah. I have embarrassing pictures of you that I will use against you.”
“Let me see them, hyung!” Jungkook says as Jimin all but yells, “No, I’ll stop. Sorry, I was wrong.”
Hoseok laughs even louder.
“As you both hooked me up with this job, I think it’s only fair that I treat you. I wanted to pick up some tea anyway. I saw a café on the way here that I wanted to check out.”
“Want us to come with you?” Jimin asks as he walks to Hoseok’s chair and slings an arm around his shoulder.
“Nah, it’s okay. You two just wait here. I’ll be back soon. Text me your orders.”
“Thanks, hyung.” The say in unison.
“Why can’t you be as nice as Hoseokie-hyung?” He hears Jungkook mutter to Jimin as he leaves the room.
Happiness swells in his chest as he boards the lift to the main lounge. His life in Seoul is going much better than he could’ve ever imagined. He has a nice apartment, a fantastic job, and greater friends.
Hoseok doesn’t think that he could be any happier than he was in this moment in time.