Archive of Our Own

Iruka has the best laugh. 

I've always thought so. But now that I get to hear it so often, I've found it to be my favorite sound. 

I hear it several times a week... and have for some time now, but still it never gets old. 

And he never laughs more than when we drink together at his house. 

He doesn't like to drink in public. He doesn't want anyone to see him in such a sloppy state. 

So when we first drank together, my stomach was warm with something other than the sake. To think that he'd trust me that much... it was a heady feeling, indeed. 

One that only grows each time we do this. 

Though I've lost count of how many this evening would actually make. 

My mask is already down as I lean back into the couch, my cup full once again. It had been pulled aside since he'd brought out the alcohol some hours ago. My vest had also long since been discarded over the arm of the chair in the corner. 

We were well into our drinking session now, and it was as entertaining as ever. 

The conversations thus far had been vastly more open than usual, on both our parts.

Why? 

I'm probably a little more drunk than I would likely allow otherwise, but that's alright. Here, in his warm and comfortable house, in his soothing presence, I could always truly relax. 

His bright smile, when I told him this, was absolutely blinding. It made the effort of the admission completely worth the trouble. 

He was to my right, on the very same couch. 

His way of being considerate of my inability to see from my left while that eye remained covered, surely. Though he's far too polite to say such a thing outloud. 

The care he places in such seemingly small gestures for my sake are one of the many many reasons he's become one of my favorite people. 

Or rather, my favorite person. 

It's late now. Much later than we usually drink together. And the conversation had turned. I'm not entirely clear on how or when, though it was probably at my insistence, the topic had moved to romances, both past and present.

Iruka hardly ever talked about such things. 

He was a very private person... particularly so in romantic matters. And while I could certainly appreciate the need for privacy, I'd always been curious about it. 

Everything concerning the teacher was of particular interest to me these days. 

Though tonight was the first time I'd blatantly asked after his status. 

"I haven't had anyone in quite some time. I simply don't have the energy or the extra time to devote to something like that..." He sighed and gazed down into his own cup as he trailed off. It's true he likely didn't have the time, but that expression was too lonely to mean it was completely by choice. 

"Ah, but sensei, you always manage to make time for me. Surely you could make it for someone else as well?"

His face was flushed, and not just from our imbibing. But what was it, exactly? 

Embarrassment, perhaps? 

And if so, why? 

It isn't as if I hadn't been stating the obvious. We spend a good amount of time in each other's company. 

"Well, what about you? Why don't you have a lover of your own? Surely there are plenty who'd leap at the opportunity."

His stare was curious as he fixed it to me, and sharp somehow. Much more so than it should have been, considering how much we'd already had to drink. 

"It has been a while, yes. For me it's simply difficult trying to get someone to understand my peculiarities. There aren't many who would appreciate not knowing their own lovers face. I've certainly never found anyone who could tolerate it for long."

A plump bottom lip was pulled between his teeth as he pondered my reply. I smiled and watched him worry the skin, my mood light and rather carefree, despite the talk of my single status. 

"You've never let your lovers see your face?"

I shrugged, and took a long sip before responding. Choosing to ignore his now blatantly shocked expression. 

It was amusing though. 

And very cute. 

He'd probably wanted to know why he himself had the privilege that so many others were denied. But if he wasn't going to ask me specifically, then I didn't have to answer him specifically. 

"I've never had one I'd been that comfortable with... Besides, most of them spent more time trying to see my face than trying to understand me. I refuse to be some sort of trophy. And lover is not necessarily the term I'd use for any of them, anyway."

He sighed sadly in answer. 

And I hated that. 

So I tried to lighten his mood. 

"I do miss sex though. Even a blow job at this point would be enough."

I wiggled my eyebrows at him comically, though he could only see one of them, and he giggled a little. Which in turn made me smile. But then, after he took a sip of his own drink, he sighed again. 

"I wouldn't know... I've never had one."

Brown eyes refused to meet mine. Even as, this time, it was my mouth that fell open in shock. 

I probably looked like an idiot, though. So that was definitely for the best.

"Wait... Never? Iruka, surely you've had lovers?"

His resulting blush turned his cheeks crimson, highlighting his scar in the most adorable fashion. 

"Of course I have. It's just that none have ever seemed to want to do something like that, and it felt rude to ask..."

He'd run his fingers nervously over that scar, before he used that same hand to free his hair from the ponytail he typically kept it in. 

Long silky chestnut tresses fell around his face and shoulders in a flurry of soft looking waves. 

My mouth was momentarily stunned. As were my lungs. He'd never let his hair down around me before. 

It made his face look softer somehow. Younger, too. It was a fetching look, to be sure. 

Almost enough to distract me. 

Almost. 

"That's outrageous. Did you do it for them?"

He averted his eyes once again, while nodding ever so slightly, and I felt hot anger stabbing through my gut. Sudden, and strong, and utterly unexplainable. Though that didn't matter, because I didn't care about explaining it. 

"Such selfishness! That's so... so rude. How could they only take, when half of the fun is in the giving?"

He merely shrugged and kept his eyes down. Taking another sip. It seemed he was attempting to distract himself. Which was certainly his right. Who would want to dwell on such terrible bedfellows? 

I downed my entire glass in one go. 

And I was suddenly reminded of the first time I'd ever had someone take me into their mouth. I'd been young, but more than old enough. 

She was a little older, by a year or two, and from another hidden village. I didn't know her before or afterwards, and I never actually received her name... but I've never forgotten her. Bright forest green eyes, curly blonde hair, fair freckled skin, rosy supple lips, and heavenly soft tongue. 

I'd never forget her for as long as I lived. 

Which is already much longer than even I'd given myself credit for. 

Active ninja have a tendency to perish far earlier than most others. Particularly those like me who are sent on the most perilous of missions. 

When I die, I think it'd be nice if Iruka remembered me well. 

My eyes wandered over his relaxed and yet conversely tense form. Clad in sweatpants and a simple tee shirt, hair down, face aflame. 

How could anyone have denied him such a simple thing?

This pretty, charming, sweet man...

Those women, whoever they were, were lucky he'd even deigned to speak to them in the first place. 

Ungrateful wenches. 

"Haven't you ever wanted it?" The question flowed off of my tongue, and I knew it was a little stupid to ask, even as I said it. 

But it had the desired effect. 

His frustration flowed over his features as he finally turned to face me again. 

"Of course I want it! Doesn't every man? I just didn't want to pressure anyone into anything they didn't want to do."

I licked my lips and set my cup down on the table in front of us, but my eye never left his face. 

"But you did it for them. Turn about is only fair play, sensei."

Pushing the topic wasn't necessary... but I found I couldn't let it go. 

His brows pulled together as he huffed and set his own cup down. 

"Not everyone can have whoever they want, however they like, whenever they please. Not everyone is so desirable as someone like you."

I blinked in surprise. 

His words didn't sound jealous or angry. They sounded... lonely. And that, well, it tugged at me in a way that I couldn't really identify in such an inebriated state. 

Even as the compliment had my own cheeks flushing slightly.

My right hand lifted up and cupped his jaw without my consent. And when his eyes met mine again, there was an emotion there that I couldn't read. 

Which was strange. 

I thought I'd known all of his expressions. 

"Anyone who has ever seen you like this would disagree. You are plenty enough for anyone with working eyes and any small amount of good sense."

The mood shifted. But I didn't understand how at first. He looked close to tears suddenly. And that was definitely not okay. He should not cry over those worthless excuses for partners. 

He shouldn't ever cry at all. 

Not if I have any say in it. 

An idea formed in an instant. One that I didn't allow myself to dwell upon before voicing. 

"Would you like me to show you?" The shock of my words cleared away the extra fluid building up in those expressive eyes of his. 

Thank the gods. 

"What?"

I shifted closer to him, letting my free hand move to rest on his thigh. One of my knees pressing into one of his. 

"I could do it for you... If you like. It really does feel amazing."

I watched him swallow heavily, his eyes darting over my features in nervousness and something unidentifiable. My hand, the one on his thigh, started inching up his leg ever so slowly. I wanted him to understand that I was completely serious, that this wasn't a joke, but I didn't want to scare him either. 

Because now that the idea has spawned, I very much wanted to follow through. 

"Don't you want to feel it? Don't you want to know what it's like? All warm and wet and soft? It's not at all the same as that place between a woman's thighs, though. Some think it's even better. You'd definitely like it..."

His breathing became slightly erratic, and his body was tense. The leg under my palm twitched, but his hands stayed where they were. He didn't move away, or try to stop my progress. 

"Kakashi... what are you? You don't have to... I don't..."

I smiled, and licked my lips once more. His eyes darted down to watch, and it made my heart speed up a little. There was a certain heat in his stare now.

"You're not doing anything, Iruka. There's no pressure. I'm offering. That's all. If you want it, I'll give it to you. It's all very simple." I bit my bottom lip for a second, watching him watch me, before smiling a little. This feeling rising in me, the tension rising in the air... I liked it. "So choose... Yes, or no?"

My fingers finally reached his covered half hard length, and I nearly groaned in delight. This wouldn't work if I couldn't get him to react, I knew. But the idea of finally feeling a willing mouth wrapped around him must have been enough to send blood south. 

I palmed him carefully, but with some pressure, gently squeezing once. 

"Iruka? You have to answer. Whichever answer you give is fine. But I need to hear one either way."

He was so very tense, every muscle in his body rigid, his hands clenched into fists, and his breathing getting even heavier now. 

I waited. 

And then his hips pushed forward, just a little, but it was enough for me to know he was more than willing. 

Still, he needed to tell me himself. 

There could be no room for doubt. 

"In words, Iruka. Tell me in words exactly what you want."

He parted his lips, only to groan a little as I gently rubbed my thumb down the line of his shaft. He was almost totally hard now, and I had to work to keep the wolfish grin from from my face, because he would certainly see it. 

I wasn't used to that. 

But I didn't hate it either. 

"I, I want you to, to... Yes, I want to know."

I have no idea why it thrilled me so much, the way his voice dipped a little lower, the way his breath hitched... I only know that my own gut was warm now, and that when I nodded and moved off of the couch onto my knees between his legs, he shivered in the most enticing way. 

I had to push the coffee table away a little with my back to make room, but that was fine. 

Because then I let both of my hands settle on his hips, and his breath hitched. 

"I'll need a little help for this part."

I smiled up at his cherry red face, and his hips lifted obligingly as I pulled pants and boxers both down and then off. 

I didn't want them getting in the way. 

His hands were at his sides, one on the armrest, clutching the bunched fabric and stuffing tightly, the other still in a flexing fist. He sagged back into the cushions, legs twitching every so often. His cock was hard, standing tall and pulsing slightly. 

I removed my Hitai-ate, set it beside me blindly, and opened the Sharingan to take him in. 

It was a lovely sight, and I was not going to let it go to waste. 

He was biting his bottom lip again, and when my hands curled over his inner thighs, he gasped.

Brown eyes were hidden away for the moment, which was fine, but I didn't want him to be so nervous. I wanted him to enjoy it. 

"Relax, sensei. It's going to be so good, I promise."

I'd let my voice become soft, soothing, and caressed the skin under my palms until some of his tension eased. 

And then?

Well, then I licked a long stripe from his left knee all the way up to his hip, while I took him into my right hand. Noting his shiver of anticipation with a sense of pride. 

I didn't tease. 

I didn't make him wait. 

Gods know he's been waiting far too long already. 

So I opened my mouth and took him in, careful to tuck my teeth away. 

His head fell heavily against the back of the couch, his mouth falling open on a whine, and heavens but it was such a sweet reaction. 

A glorious thrill ran up my spine... and my fingers began to tingle. 

I wanted more. 

So I sealed my lips around the tip of him, swirled my tongue, and then sank down around him as far as I comfortably could. Sucking lightly all the while. 

"Oh, ooh gods."

Yes. 

Yes, yes, yes...

It's good, isn't it? Just like I'd promised. 

But I didn't dare pull away to say it. 

Instead, I used my hands to toy with his body where my mouth couldn't reach. The left massaging and cupping his already taut sack, the right working over his shaft. Squeezing and pumping in time with my mouth. 

I did everything to him that I'd ever enjoyed being done to me. And I let my cheeks and tongue remain soft around him, even as I licked and sucked. 

And as I worked, I watched him. 

I watched him shudder and moan for me. I watched his head roll from side to side as his hips twitched up into my mouth, silently begging for more. 

I watched as he panted out my name in broken sighs, and long breathless groans. 

"-kashi... Kakashi I can't... I'm gonna... Uhhnn, you n-need to-"

I ignored his warning and sucked harder suddenly. Swirled my tongue wildly, pumped him faster, and let his hips loose enough to fuck up into my mouth. I used the opportunity of the angle to press my left index finger down into his perineum in a circular motion, and began to swallow around him as I hummed a small tune. 

Gentle fingers sliding into my hair made that hum become a heavy moan, my purpose momentarily forgotten at the unexpected stimulation... and then he was suddenly wild. 

Like my one moment of expressed pleasure had been enough to release him from his rigid control. 

Body shaking, moaning so loudly that the noise drowned out my own heavy heartbeat in my ears, and thrusting up hard into me. 

I let him. Dropping my right hand away to his thigh so that he could take my throat. Stroking the soft supple flesh I found there gently, while he in contrast thrashed almost violently. 

"Yes, yes, yes, ooh... oooooh!"

And then his whole body arched up off the cushions towards me, and he was yelling my name as the culmination of his pleasure began to flood my mouth. 

His eyes met mine right then, at the height of his orgasm, and I only wished that I could smile. 

I swallowed the urge and his essence all down instead, because that really did always feel best, and it was totally worth the effort when he trembled helplessly under me. And then he was falling back, out of my mouth and onto the couch once more. 

His wet ragged breaths as his chest heaved were a lovely sound in the otherwise silent room. It was then that I allowed a smile and took his cup from the table, lazily pulling some sake between my lips as I watched him settle down from his orgasm. 

An exquisite sight, indeed. 

Skin dotted with sweat. Hair all in disarray. Cheeks and shoulders flushed. Lips slightly swollen from his own teeth, parting on each exhale. 

When his breathing finally slowed, and his eyes opened again to watch me, I grinned even wider. 

"Was it everything I promised?"

A small slow smile of his own bloomed over his sweat damp face, as he nodded softly. 

"Good."

The single word came out exactly as smug as I felt. 

I held his cup up towards him and he stretched out a sated and heavy arm to take it. 

My hands now free, I took a moment to slip his clothes back onto his ankles and up to his thighs. I moved to my knees, then lifted him carefully with one arm to pull the garments up the rest of the way. 

He groaned in protest, and I couldn't help but laugh. 

"I know, but it needed to be done." 

That sorted, I stood up and gazed fondly down at him, before I bent to gently card some stray locks away from his face. It made my heart warm and my fingers tingle when he leaned his cheek towards my palm. Like a cat, in search of attention. 

There was an urge to pull him close, to be as close as possible, but I resisted it. 

This was only a favor for a treasured friend. 

Nothing more. 

"It's late. I'll let you rest now... So go to bed. I'll see you later, alright?"

He nodded under my touch, and I smiled down at him again before I pulled my mask up, grabbed my vest and Hitai-ate, and bid him goodnight. 

The walk home was nice. The night air was refreshingly cool against my hot skin. Even through the fabric around my face. 

I slept well. Far more soundly than was typical. 

And I dreamed of sun kissed skin.

And sweet soft sighs pressed against my tongue. 

And my name falling from inviting lips. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dreams refused to stop. Only changing in frequency. Increasing to several different scenarios within a single night. 

A fact that was only made worse by another. 

I haven't seen Iruka in a little over three weeks. 

Not once since that night. 

And it bothered me. Immensely. 

We've been particularly close for a few years now. 

At most I'd say that a day or two of his absence was the norm. 

Unless I was out on a mission. 

But I've been in Konoha for the bulk of that time, and I've not been able to find him. 

And why is that?

His usual shifts at the mission desk simply weren't his anymore. 

His classroom was closed for the season. 

His house was silent and barren of any chakra whenever I went over to knock. 

Others had seen him, and often. It seemed I'd just miss him every single time. 

This pattern left no room for any doubt. 

He was quite obviously avoiding me. 

And that didn't suit me at all. 

Things could not go on in this way. 

I missed him terribly. But I did not miss one singular thing. I missed everything. And it was more than that, still...

I missed the way he hummed cheerfully while he cooked a late dinner. I missed the way he admonished me for reading my Icha Icha books in public. I missed the way he smells... like clean linen, and vanilla extract, and a hint of ink and chalk dust. I missed the way he sips his tea. And the way his nose scrunches up in irritation when I answer a question with a question. And the way he smiles when he welcomes me home to the village. 

The way his eyes shine whenever Naruto visits. 

The way he always, always makes time for me, no matter how tired he clearly is. 

There is a coldness, an empty feeling at my side... in the place where he should be. 

And it occurs to me that it's more. 

I don't just miss him. I need him. 

I need him near. 

I need him here, with me. 

So it was with this realization steeling my resolve that I sought him out more carefully. I took my time, clearing the village section by section with clones, until one finally found his chakra signature. 

A training field wasn't even on the list of places I'd have likely checked, but Iruka was always full of surprises. 

It was another one of the reasons I enjoyed his company so much. The man wasn't nearly as predictable as some liked to imagine. 

I made it there in mere minutes. 

When my eye finally spotted him, it was to see him leaning against the bark of a wide tree, just on the edge of the field, his nose buried in a book. 

Bathed in stray beams of sunlight, which broke through the thick foliage in scattered patterns, he was nothing short of a vision.

A single blooming flower lavishing in the sun. 

He didn't notice my presence until I was directly in front of him, jolting bodily in obvious surprise. I smiled sadly, even though he wouldn't see it. 

I've never wanted to cause him any sort of apprehension or fear. 

"Iruka-sensei, it's been a while." 

His cheeks flushed red and I frowned a little at the way he'd clutched his book to his chest defensively. It heavily suggested that he was uncomfortable. But why?

Why was he avoiding me?

It didn't make sense. 

If it was because of what we'd done the last time I'd seen him, which was the only possible reason I could see, then I still didn't understand. 

Iruka had wanted it. Asked for it. 

And I gave it to him freely. 

Why would that bring such extreme discomfort?

"Kakashi, you startled me. Yes, it's been a bit. I've just been a little busy, I suppose."

He glanced down, and even if I'd thought it all a coincidence before, I'd have known the truth now without question. His body language read nothing but guilt. 

"Busy. I see."

Tension began to build in the space between us, and I wanted desperately to dispel it. To defeat it so completely that it would never dare return. 

I took another step closer, the fingers he'd had curled around the book over his chest brushed against my flak vest with every breath taken in. Both his and mine alike.

"You're lying." I said it carefully, calmly. Without any hint of pain or sadness or confusion or even accusation. I would not be so stupid as to expose such vulnerability. Not now. 

He at least had the decency to duck his head lower. 

"I'm sorry." His words were small, and sad. So very sad. 

And none of it made any sense. 

But it didn't have to. 

If I am no longer welcome in his presence, then I won't intrude any further.

The solution is rather obvious. 

I shoved my hands into my pockets and slouched down a little, intending to close myself off completely. To hide. 

It hurt, terribly. Far more than I'd ever expected, and I didn't want him to see it. But I suppose some small amount of the feeling may have found its way into my next words anyway. 

"Don't be. If you can't stand to be near me, then it can't be helped. You don't have to avoid me Iruka. If you don't want me around, then I'll leave you be. I won't bother you any longer, I promise. I'm very sorry to have disturbed you... Good day."

I'd intended to turn and leave him to his own devices, but an unsteady hand shot out and grasped at my vest, effectively stopping me in my tracks. The grip so tight that tanned knuckles were turning white. 

"That's not it." I let my gaze fall upon him again, but he wasn't looking at me. And I sighed softly. Some of the heavy ache in my chest loosening. 

"Then what is it? Because I asked you. I asked you if you wanted it. You could have said no. Easily. But you didn't. And now you can't even bring yourself to look at me?" I paused for a moment, and his shoulders shuddered, but still his eyes stayed low. "I do not read minds, sensei. From your behaviors and actions alone, I can only surmise that I am unwanted here. And that hurts, but I respect you and your feelings. Yet you stop me now, and say that I am wrong. If not that, then what? I just want to fix this."

I sounded slightly desperate, even to my own ears. Deep earth brown eyes finally, finally looked up at me. His face was bright red. Far more so than I'd ever seen it. But his expression was pleading. 

"I'm, I'm embarrassed. I don't know how to do this. I'm not... I'm not used to situations like these. But you're not unwanted. Never unwanted. So please don't go. I'm sorry."

I turned my whole body back around, and planted my palms against the bark at either side of his head. 

Trapping him in place. 

My skin was hot, tight. 

"Why are you embarrassed? I only wanted to make you feel good. Didn't I succeed? Didn't you like it? The noises you made... the way you called my name... Both suggest heavily that you did..."

My voice came out lower, rougher than I intended, and it made him gasp just a little. I don't know why that pleased me so much. Why it filled my gut with sharp heat.

And I didn't really care. 

"That's- that's why I'm embarrassed. I don't know what to do. It isn't as if I can say something so stupid as 'thank you' and just move along. It was, I can't stop thinking about it. I can't-. Why did you do it? I still don't understand why you'd want to..."

I sighed, unsure of how to really answer, and made to step back so that I might find the right response. I couldn't seem to think clearly.  

A dull thud reached my ears, stalling my retreat, and his hands were moving. They both burrowed deeply into the fabric of my vest at my chest, and he dropped his forehead onto my collarbone, leaving his ear exposed. 

I wanted so very badly to lick it. I wanted to lick all of him again. I wanted to watch him breaking under my tongue again. 

The dreams I'd had about it were so very intense. I wanted to know if it'd be like last time, or if it'd be better because we were sober. 

I could replay it with my Sharingan for hours, had done just that in fact... but it lacked sensation. It lacked the intensity and vibrant beauty of him in real life. 

It just wasn't enough. 

My nails bit into the bark under my fingertips. 

Suddenly, the answer to give him was obvious. 

"I liked it too, Iruka."

Those exceedingly gentle hands, the ones hidden in my vest, began to shake. And he seemed distraught somehow. I swallowed thickly and continued on anyway.  

"I did. I liked making you loose those lovely sounds. I liked the way you looked, all disheveled and lost in the pleasure that I gave you. I liked the way you tasted, and the way your skin felt. I've never done that for a man before. Never touched another man sexually before that night, you know? Never wanted to... but for you, I want to do it again. Will you let me?"

His breath came in pants, puffing out over my chest, and I pressed closer. Slid my right leg between his knees and brought our hips together. The friction and his answering whine were both decidedly saccharine.

"You're, whoa... Kakashi, you're hard." I pressed closer still, molding my body flush against him and his words began to fumble. "But I'm-. I didn't think you... Why, why me?" 

I growled softly, and gave in to the urge to nibble the shell of his ear. The fabric between my face and his flesh was annoying, as it robbed me if the true feel of him. But I couldn't remove it out here. 

So I had to make do. 

"It's precisely because it's you, sensei. No one else can make me laugh the way you do, or feel so at ease. You, who never once tried to see my face... and went out of your way to avoid seeing it, even when I tried to show you that first time. You don't care about things like status or fame. You've never once tried to use our association to any sort of advantage. You only seem to want for my simple company..."

A frown pressed against my neck before he responded. 

"Of course I'd never use you... who could possibly do such an atrocious thing? You're, heavens, you're you. Who could want more than that?" I laughed and rubbed my cheek against him affectionately. Because here he proved himself once again, unknowingly. 

"Everyone else has tried. Everyone who has ever approached me romantically wanted to gain something. When you said I was desirable... not my fame or my name, but me... it-, gods." I paused for a moment to breathe him in, there was that scent I'd been longing for. I need him. More of him. It was nothing to decide to throw caution to the winds, now. "Do you know that I watch you constantly? Do you realize what I think whenever I see you? How often I'm floored by you? And to think that someone could have you in their bed and not ravish you thoroughly and completely? That makes no sense to me. Yet, I didn't even know that I wanted you in mine until I was offering myself up. And now that I know, I don't want to let you slip away. So won't you just be with me? I'll care for you well, and do my best to spoil you into delirium... You need only let me. Please?"

I was begging, but that didn't matter. I'd do far more than beg if I had to. I'd grovel for the chance... Just the chance to be by his side would be worth it. 

I don't care about my name. 

I don't care about my reputation. 

Both could fall to ruin, and I'd revel in the ashes of the aftermath, if only he were with me. 

Gods above, but I wouldn't ever need anything else. 

"But you, you don't like men. And you... you have a clan to carry. You're the last..."

I cut him off by finally wrapping my arms around him, holding him close, and whispering into his hair. 

"I don't particularly like women either. So it doesn't matter. I only know that I like you. I have no bloodline limit, nor any cause to continue a name simply for the sake of it. If you want children later, I'll give them to you. But not for the name, no. For you. Whatever you want, Iruka."

The body I held started trembling, and his face moved, his lips brushing my right ear. 

"You idiot. Whatever I want? For years, I've only wanted... If this is some sort of genjutsu-. I, I can't... I thought that you were just-. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't lose you. So I needed time to remember that we were only friends..."

I pulled back to face him properly, because his voice was wavering, almost like he was crying. And I watched as tears really did stream down his face. 

I never could stand it when he cries. It's rare, and usually only happens when someone close falls in battle. Never in public. He'd never allowed it before, not until we were finally alone in his house would he break down completely, and my heart would shatter whenever he did. 

I could already feel it cracking now. Splintering at the edges. 

Fuck it. 

If someone else sees my face, or the world falls to pieces, it would be nothing in comparison to this. 

I had to fix it.

So I carelessly ripped down my mask and took his lips. I swallowed his shuddering breath, and sighed when he opened for my tongue. I kissed him thoroughly, teasing him, tasting him with an eagerness I'd never felt before.

And he was responding. 

Hands scrabbling for purchase. Restless, seeking out my skin under the layers I wore. Body open and inviting. A leg coming up to wrap around me, to pull me closer. Mouth, lips, and tongue feverish in their attempt to take me in. Like he wanted me to devour him. 

But this was not the place. 

As much as it excites me to think I could claim him here and now, I knew that he wouldn't be comfortable like this. In more than one way. 

So I pulled back gently, and rested my forehead against his, with the thought that we might catch our breath and cool our senses for a moment. He whimpered and arched into me harshly, attempting to stir me back into action. 

My lips felt terribly empty, and I was more than tempted to finish what we'd started. And, oh, but I intended to finish it... just not like this.

"Let's get you home." And just like that, his hands and body stilled. 

It was nothing to flicker us there, into his warm and safe house. The place that I always found the greatest comfort in. 

He was clawing at me again suddenly, frantically trying to disrobe me while trying to pry my lips open with his tongue. I licked at his mouth and gently took his wrists in my palms, to slow him down a little, just as my flak vest hit the living room floor. 

There was plenty of time. 

Time enough for everything. 

I did not want to rush. 

This, this should be savored. 

"I was so lonely... I didn't realize how much of my thoughts and time you truly occupied, until you were gone. That's not fair, sensei... Such a dirty trick. Lulling me in, filling me with such contentment and joy, only to take it all away. That really hurt."

He pushed me against the nearest wall, though not roughly, and pulled his own  vest off before his warmth returned. His lips pressing soft words into my neck and jaw between kisses. 

"I have wanted you for an embarrassingly long time, Kakashi. At first, I thought you'd figured it out, that you were teasing me... testing me. I never know what you're thinking... and you're rarely serious about anything. But then you were touching me. Promising to make me feel good." He pulled away from my jaw to stare up into my eyes, and my breath caught at the raw and open expression his face bore. "It was, there was no way I could've ever said no to that. I'm always weak to you. And it was even better than you promised. The only thing that could have made it all any more so was if you'd just taken me right afterwards. I wanted you to... I wanted you to wrap my legs around your waist and just push yourself in. But you didn't. You left. You didn't seem like any of it mattered to you. And you said you've never had a real lover... I thought my feelings would only annoy you."

I lifted a hand up to pull his hair free, gently, from his ponytail. Watched once more as those locks fluttered down to frame his lovely features, and cupped his jaw tenderly. 

"I'm sorry. Since my actions don't seem to be clear enough, I suppose I'll try words this time. Any feelings you have could never annoy me. You are literally the only living person whom I've willingly born my face to, repeatedly... I know I'm not the most straightforward of men, but that should have told you something, Iruka. You're the only person I've allowed this close. You matter to me. I thought you knew that much."

His brows furrowed in frustration and he huffed in the most adorably petulant way. 

"I'm not a woman. You can't possibly blame me for thinking that I'd be easily overlooked."

My gaze turned predatory, my voice coming out low and as seductive as I could make it while I responded. 

"I am unable to look anywhere else, sensei. Take responsibility for it."

A low sound hit the air, something between a whine and a growl, and it took me a fraction of a second longer than it should have to realize it'd come from his throat. 

Gods but that was hot. 

And then he was hauling me by my wrist into his bedroom. 

Our clothes were shed in record time. Though I can't be held at fault...

Neither of us had any patience left.

I'd like to report that we made sweet and tender love here... but that isn't what happened at all. 

The need to confirm our feelings... the thrill, the rush, and the reality of it all left us unable to do more than rut against each other frantically.

Hands and lips and tongues and teeth exploring skin in an almost primal sort of frenzy.

My own orgasm taking me by complete surprise as I watched him fall over the edge into his own sweet release. 

And it was utterly perfect. 

Afterwards, with his body cradled in my arms and against my chest, it all felt as natural as breathing. 

Those beautiful, expressive eyes were closed in slumber. 

A short nap, he'd said... I certainly didn't mind. 

It gave me the chance to revel in his closeness. In the feel of his heartbeat against my ribs, and his breath on my neck. 

How does one fall in love, and not realize it? Really, you ought to just know something like that... Or at least recognize the signs, right?

And they all call me a genius. Ha!

I've never considered myself to be stupid before.

But I may have some reevaluating to do. Because it would seem that I've been in love for quite some time now... and it was here, in his bed... with our limbs entwined and our sweat soaked skin slowly cooling, that it finally occurred to me. 

That's alright though. 

I suppose it's better to know now, rather than too late entirely. 

Maybe I'll tell him when he wakes up. 

His happy little sigh as I gently brushed still damp strands of hair out of his face made my heart clench sweetly. And once again, I recognized how beautiful he was. 

Perhaps I'll tell him that, too. 

~~~~~~Owari~~~~~~