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Tobacco curled and crackled and the acrid smoke filled his lungs, a quick and easy rush of dopamine that would only be swept away when he dropped the cigarette into the little can resting on the balcony rail. Every time he smoked, Sirius would scold him, telling him that it was a bad habit and there are other ways to get a rush that didn’t involve damaging his health.
Remus chose to ignore that, lighting a cigarette every now and then anyway. He knew that Sirius was right, but that didn’t mean he had to listen. Because honestly, when did Remus listen?
He hissed when the filter burned his lips and his fingers as he took one last drag, dropping it into the can before he exhaled through his nose. The smoke curled up and away, and he rubbed his hand absently on his shirt.
He stared off toward the horizon, over the roofing of the housing development nearby, fixating on the lights of the bustling city. It was his only company in the quiet nights, the ones where he couldn't sleep, the ones where he stood on his balcony and lit cigarettes that he took only a few drags from: one when he first lit it, two when it began to burn out, and another when it was nearly down to the filter. He didn't smoke, he never really had, and it burned his lungs and made him wheeze, but the nicotine was comforting.
Thunder had been rumbling in the distance for over half an hour, and the closer it got, the more anxious he became. He felt it before it happened, the sudden still in the air that indicated a coming storm. It was hot and humid, and the moment the sky cracked open, a cool breeze whipped through his hair. As the beads of sweat cooled across his skin, he tapped his fingers on the wood.
The rain pelted the roof, a few drops hit his bare legs, a few more dampened the shirt he had borrowed from Sirius. It was refreshing in a way, a nice break from the heat and the choking humidity. He leaned forward, over the railing, catching droplets of rain in his hair, his fingers curling around the railing. He reached for his pack of cigarettes and pulled one out, but before he could even light it, a pair of arms curled around him, and a familiar chin rested upon his shoulder. "Can't sleep?" Sirius asked, voice raspy with sleep.
Remus flinched and dropped his cigarette. "As per usual."
“You really shouldn’t be smoking,” Sirius said, sounding rather unamused.
Remus hummed but didn’t answer, leaning his head back against Sirius’ shoulder, who stood only a few inches taller than he. It felt wonderful to have his arms wrapped around him, all the warmth and strength of him pressed against his back. This was Remus’ favorite place to be.
"We should go inside," Sirius said, but he made no attempt to let go of Remus. He nuzzled his face into Remus' neck, and the scruff of his few day old beard scratched his skin. "It's cold."
Remus agreed, but instead he covered Sirius' hands with his own where they were linked together across his stomach. Though it was cold, Sirius was still warm, a welcoming feeling against Remus' cool fingertips.
"Probably," Remus replied absently, running his fingers up the length of Sirius' arms. But he knew if he went inside he would lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. He'd be alone with his demons when Sirius dozed back off. Nothing held them back except distraction, especially in the dead of night when he had no one to talk to but the moon.
Sirius kissed his neck once, twice, then loosened his arms and turned Remus around. The railing dug into his back when Sirius pressed him into it, close enough that Remus was certain he felt every heartbeat in Sirius' chest. The rain didn't let up, and the sporadic crack of lightning lit up Sirius' features. He was close enough to Remus for him to feel his breath. His fingers itched to touch him, to grab his shirt and pull him closer.
So he did.
He fisted his hand into Sirius' shirt and pulled him in, lips meeting halfway. Sirius gave a muffled noise of surprise, but his hands shot out to grip the railing on either side of Remus, holding tight as they kissed. And gods, it was wonderful. It was as if everything narrowed down to their mouths, to them—there in the storm beneath the barest of shelters, with all of the electric energy of a bolt of lightning.
Remus smiled and hummed, tightening his grip on Sirius' shirt, relishing the feeling of the rivulets of rain streaming down his back. He opened his mouth when Sirius ran his tongue over the seam of his lips, allowing his tongue in. He found himself rutting against Sirius, the thin fabric of his briefs rubbing over his skin.
Sirius broke their kiss and pulled back, nudging Remus's cheek with his nose. "We should go inside." His voice was barely above a whisper, hard to hear over the roar of the storm, but Remus heard him still. He let go of Sirius' shirt just to slide his hands inside of it, over the planes of his stomach and the patch of hair. Sirius dragged his open mouth over Remus' cheek, stopping at his ear while Remus scraped his blunt nails down his chest. "Inside," he said again, hot breath tickling Remus' ear.
Remus knew he should oblige, chill seeping into his shirt from the slanted rain that glided down his back until the fabric clung to him. He closed his eyes and dug his fingers into Sirius' flesh until Sirius bit down on his earlobe in reply. "I like it out here," Remus said. Then: "I like the rain.”
He fought not to shiver, opening his mouth so his teeth wouldn't chatter. Sirius huffed a breath in his ear but he didn't push him any further. Instead, Remus jolted at the sudden pressure of the palm of Sirius' hand on his half-hardened cock through his briefs. Sirius' lip caught on Remus' ear as he pressed close again, and Remus shuddered at the tickle of his breath.
"We shouldn't do this outside," Sirius said, without any actual concern for the fact that they were out on their balcony past midnight in a storm. That anyone with a sharp eye would see them, especially when lightning struck and lit up the night–two men half dressed as they rubbed against one another.
"We shouldn't," Remus agreed, his free hand catching in Sirius' hair. It was soft, so soft , and his nails scraped over his scalp in the way he knew Sirius loved. "Yet here we are."
Sirius' hand pushed harder, fingers digging into Remus' briefs around the outline of his cock. He didn't protest, didn't bother telling Remus again to go inside. He gave in to Remus and the hand twined in his hair and the other skimming down his front. Remus was both persuasive and persistent enough to get nearly everything he wanted.
Sirius' tongue ran over the shell of Remus' ear before he stepped back just enough to be able to hook his fingers into the elastic of Remus' briefs before stripping them down his legs, just enough to free his erection from its confines. Remus gasped when the air hit it, cold enough for him to shiver, goosebumps rising over his skin.
"Look how turned on you are from just a little touching," Sirius said, the palm of his hand slowly caressing Remus' cock head. Remus opened his mouth to reply, but he was shut up by Sirius' lips. His hand was practiced, years of touching Remus had forged him into a master of all his tender places. He stroked slowly and gripped him just so, enough to force Remus to drop his hand from Sirius' shirt to hold onto the rail behind him for balance.
The noises that tumbled from Remus' mouth when they broke apart were sinful, head tipping back as Sirius quickened his pace. His lips sought out the spot on Remus' neck that made him go wild, teeth scraping over his skin as he worked Remus' cock with one steady hand. "What do you want me to do?" Sirius asked, the timber of his voice vibrating against Remus' throat. Remus swallowed and closed his eyes, hips moving on their own accord to meet Sirius' hand–to fuck into his tight fist as he tried to chase his impending orgasm.
"Fu-" Remus started, gritting his teeth as he yanked back on Sirius' hair, pulling him away from his throat where he had begun to litter his skin with gentle nips of his teeth. " Fuck me ."
Lightning struck and Remus caught the devilish grin on Sirius' face just before he let go of Remus' cock and dipped in for a chaste kiss. He sank to his knees and Remus' other hand snaked into Sirius' hair when he felt his breath fan over his cock. He wanted it, he wanted it so badly that his hips jerked impatiently. Sirius was fast, hands pinning his hips to the railing. Remus tugged his hair, but that only seemed to make Sirius take his time. The slow, wet stripe he licked up Remus' length made his mouth fall open, eyes slipping shut.
The teasing was as annoying as it was sexy. Sirius slicked Remus' balls with saliva, fingers bruising as they dug into his hips. He flicked the head of Remus' cock with the tip of his tongue, then swallowed him down before Remus could protest that he was taking too long. He pulled on Sirius' hair, pushing against his hands as he tried to slide deeper down his throat. He wished that he could see Sirius' face, those molten silver eyes staring up at him as he choked on his cock.
It was a feeling Remus enjoyed seeing, Sirius on his knees with his cock stuffed in his mouth, eyes sultry as they stared at him, waiting for Remus to beg for him to do more. Beg he did, hips stuttering as he tried to move, but to no avail. Sirius was stronger, his grip tight.
"Sirius, Sirius, please."
Sirius hummed, and it sent a shock up Remus' spine. The half whined please seemed to be enough for Sirius, his fingers relaxing on Remus' hips. He didn't move, though, and Remus knew exactly what that meant.
He was handing Remus the control–the power to move and fuck his mouth as he pleased.
He drew in a breath and scraped his nails over Sirius' scalp before curling into his hair and pulling him back, giving him room to thrust in and out without hitting the railing. Slow and steady is how he started, gauging Sirius' capabilities as he always did, as if he hadn't been doing this for as long as he had. Sirius could take it, he could always take it. And when he couldn't, two swift taps to Remus' hip made him stop.
He never tapped.
"Gods, Sirius, your mouth feels so good," Remus growled, thrusting his hips just a little bit faster. Sirius swallowing around him made his head spin, made everything feel just out of reach as though his brain were shutting down. The warmth of his mouth was enticing. Remus fucked into it while he groaned out Sirius' name with every forward push.
The promise of release was so close, and Remus chased it, jaw clenched. Sirius stopped him before he could come, gripping his hips to stop his erratic movement, slipping Remus' cock from his mouth. He breathed heavily as he dragged his open mouth along the shaft, fingers digging into Remus' flesh. Sirius mouthed at his cock while he caught his breath and Remus' pounding heart slowed to a steadier beat. A crack of lightning and the loud rumble of thunder were hardly audible over the static playing in his ears. He had been so close, just on the edge, then Sirius had yanked him back so quickly that his knees weakened and his nerves short circuited.
"Why did you stop?" Remus asked, but Sirius was ignoring him, choosing to mouth hungrily at his cock, tongue gliding across his skin.
"Because," Sirius said after a few moments, climbing up from his knees. Remus had a brief thought about his likely aching knees, but Sirius gave no indication of discomfort. "I can't fuck you if you come." The last bit was whispered right in Remus' ear, the only thing that broke through the static and the fuzz and the roaring thunder overhead.
"Shit," Remus said, tongue running over his lips. He was so fucking horny, cock throbbing and wet. The air chilled him to the bone, back and shirt soaked with rain, hair wet and sticking to his temples, stray drops sliding down the sides of his face. "Let's go inside."
Sirius laughed. His hand caught Remus', dragging him back into the apartment. He slid the door shut, blocking out the cool air and dampening the sounds of the storm. Remus stood still when Sirius let go of his hand, only to pull his own shirt off over his head and drop his briefs to the floor. Everything was wet and clinging to his skin and all he wanted to do was curl into Sirius and siphon his warmth.
Sirius stared at him silently, eyes moving up the length of his body before he smiled, his face half lit by the lamp on the end table in the living room. He beckoned for Remus to come to him, to close the gap between them, which he did with a few long strides. Sirius curled his arms around him and kissed him, fingers digging into his shoulders as he held onto Remus as though he were going to slip away.
Remus opened his mouth and let him in; let his honey-sweet tongue curl around his own, his lips wet and soft and fuck , he wanted Sirius. He wanted Sirius on him and in him and nothing else mattered–nothing but the feeling of his fingers and his hot mouth.
Fingers wrapped around Remus’ cock again, slowly stroking it back from its half-hardened state. Remus grasped Sirius’ shirt again with both of his hands, knuckles whitening as he tugged him as close as he possibly could. Sirius’ shirt rubbed against his bare skin, his hand pulled leisurely at his cock, and Remus couldn’t think of anything except how much he loved him. How much his feelings had blossomed into something much bigger than both of them to the point that love was no longer a word that encapsulated any of it.
Sirius pulled back, a hair’s breadth away from Remus’ lips, eyes heavily lidded as he stared right at him. His eyes twinkled and his breath came rapidly, ghosting over Remus’ lips. “Bedroom,” He said quietly, pulling away quickly to head down the hallway.
Remus had to muster up the strength to follow, knees weak, head stuffed with cotton as he padded along behind him. The moment he stepped into the room, Sirius pushed him onto the bed. He moved up until his head rested on the pillows, watching as Sirius shucked his clothing before climbing over him like an animal stalking its prey. It made him simmer with excitement, fingers clutching at the sheets beneath him as Sirius slotted himself between his thighs.
“I love you,” Sirius said, lips brushing over Remus’. Remus didn’t get a word out before Sirius was peppering him with kisses again, over his jawline, down his throat, over his collarbone. His tongue flicked out every so often, painting his skin. Remus lay still, the dim light from the lamp flickering with another crack of lightning.
He watched as Sirius pushed his legs back, scooting himself down the bed until he was spread open for Sirius to admire. Admire he did, pink tongue running over his lip as his hands spread Remus' cheeks apart. "Beautiful," He mumbled, seemingly to himself. Remus tipped his head back to look at the ceiling and held onto his legs, the heat of a blush creeping across his chest. Even then, he still found new ways to feel embarrassed by Sirius' piercing gaze. It was tempting to shy away from it and close himself back up, but Sirius' hands kept him grounded.
Remus jolted when the press of Sirius' wet tongue slid over his hole, his eyes squeezing shut. Sirius' hands kneaded his skin, giving him a gentle reminder that it was okay, that he was there and it was alright to be vulnerable sometimes. Remus swallowed and tried to focus on the feeling of it–the slip of Sirius' tongue over his perineum, over his balls and back down. It dipped inside of him for a moment, and Remus tried his hardest to relax, his fingers pressing into his thighs.
The withdrawal of Sirius' mouth and the pop of a cap made Remus look back down at him, watching as he coated his fingers with lubricant. He shifted anxiously, lips parting when the cool slick of a fingertips pushed against him. He relaxed a little and it pressed inside, brushing across his prostate, forcing a gasp to fall from his mouth. "Relax, baby," Sirius said, his other hand resting atop Remus'. Remus gritted his teeth, staring intently at the concentrated look on Sirius' face.
His fingers were just as practiced as his mouth, running over his prostate with every outward pull. They slid inside of him with ease once Remus allowed himself to relax, muscles loosening when he honed in on the sound of Sirius' breathing. His eyes raked over Sirius' form, down his chest and over his belly, eyeing the tattoos curled around his arm. He loved Sirius. It was an overwhelming feeling that made his eyes burn and his chest ache as though his heart was going to break through his ribcage. It became easier to adjust to the stretch when he thought about his feelings instead of anything else. He loved the sight of Sirius taking care of him, even if the path to get there was a long and tedious one full of stop and go, of Sirius pushing Remus to the edge as often as he could before ripping him back and calming him down.
A hand wrapped around his cock, stroking it in time with the fingers curling inside of him. Remus groaned in pleasure and met Sirius' eyes with his own, lips still parted as he tried to draw in a breath. "Fuck me already," he breathed, letting go of his legs when his hips began to ache.
Sirius smiled at him, twisting his hand just right until Remus groaned in response. "You're so impatient."
He was, but Sirius was obnoxious when it came to sex. He dragged everything out until Remus felt as though his entire body was set on fire, as if all his nerve endings had been sheared off and he was too sensitive and far past incapable of making complete sentences. It was his own weird game of edging Remus until he begged for Sirius to just fucking do it already .
Sirius claimed it was because he loved when Remus begged for mercy, but Remus was certain it linked back to his strange need to be in control of everything at every moment. And, to be fair, he was okay with that. If there was anyone in the world who he wanted to control him, it was Sirius.
A few beats of silence passed, Sirius staring down at Remus as he slowly stroked his cock, pulling his fingers out annoyingly slowly, purposefully skimming his prostate on the way out. He wiped them on the sheets and Remus was too dazed and horny and on edge to argue, knees bent, feet resting on the bed as he waited for Sirius to actually do something before he lost his marbles.
Finally, Sirius slicked his cock, albeit taking his time, and the head of it bumped against Remus' hole before he leaned down to kiss him. Remus' hands moved to the sides of his face, holding him still as the heat of Sirius' mouth slid over his own. Sirius fit his hand under one of Remus' knees, drawing him close as he pressed inside, other hand holding his cock steady. The pressure was uncomfortable, but Remus pushed it aside to pay attention to their mouths, to Sirius' tongue running over his lip.
They broke apart, but Sirius stayed close, eyes watching Remus as he pushed all the way in, their his hips flush against Remus. He stayed still, waiting for Remus to give him the okay, their eyes fixated on one another, never faltering. Remus held onto him, but his hands moved from the sides of his face to wrap around his neck before he nodded for Sirius to move.
Slowly, Sirius pulled nearly all the way out before pushing back inside. He enveloped Remus with his arms, digging them into the bed as he held Remus close, his face dropping to the junction between his neck and his shoulder. He mouthed at Remus' skin and Remus curled himself around him, holding tight as Sirius picked up his pace, the bed frame squeaking beneath their weight.
Remus couldn't stop the sounds from tripping over his lips. His fingers dug into Sirius' skin as he held on, body sliding up the bed as Sirius thrusted into him relentlessly. Teeth sunk into his neck, prickling his skin, adding to the pleasure of Sirius' cock rubbing over his prostate with purpose.
He was close again, toes curling as he begged for Sirius not to stop; for him to keep going; to fuck him harder damnit. Sirius listened, head lifting to watch Remus as he came undone. Remus' mouth fell open and his head tipped back, fingernails scratching down Sirius' back. Sirius reached between them and grabbed hold of his leaking cock, timing his strokes with the erratic pace of his hips. Remus came at the end of a strangled cry, back arching, hands clawing at Sirius. His vision crackled and blurred, and he barely felt the warmth of his come as it roped across his chest.
He came down from his high to Sirius staring at him, eyes all fire and brimstone, his carnal desires laid bare. "Fuck," was all he managed to say, teeth clenching as he came, buried deep inside of Remus. Remus touched him, gently, the tips of his fingers feathering down his arms, then up his chest, over his face with reverence. Sirius' skin was damp with sweat, chest heaving as he trembled, trying to hold the entirety of his weight off of Remus.
Instead of words, Remus surged up to kiss him again, the pads of his fingers brushing over his face, soothing him with the brush of his lips. Sirius smiled sleepily, bumping Remus' nose with his own before climbing off of him, sitting at the edge of the bed before standing, stretching his back. Remus rolled to his side and admired the view, the muscles in Sirius' back flexing, and damn , the beautiful swell of his ass.
"Oh," Remus said quietly, eyes trained on the red lines scraped over his upper back. "I think I drew blood."
Sirius absently reached over his shoulder to touch his back with delicate fingers, glancing over his shoulder with a wide grin plastered on his face. He needn't say anything, he often teased Remus for his lack of control as he came. It wasn't the first time he left marks somewhere on Sirius, and it wouldn't be the last time.
"I need to clean these sheets," Remus said tiredly, scooting himself off the bed to tear them from the mattress. He also needed a shower. And maybe another cigarette.
The power flickered and he listened to the rain pelting the windows, eyelids heavy as he painstakingly pulled the sheet from the bed, dropping it to the floor. He had no energy to clean it, deeming the fitted one and the comforter to be good enough until morning.
Sirius already had the shower running when he ambled into the bathroom, leaning against the wall just inside. He felt the slow trickle of Sirius' come slide down the inside of his thigh. "This is why I'd rather you wear condoms, you know."
Sirius stepped close to him, crowding him into the wall, both of his hands placed flat on either side of Remus. "I'll help you clean," he offered.
Remus couldn't actually be angry with him when his lips felt so warm and comforting against his neck.