Chapter Text
She first meets Maddy in the sixth grade, when she gets her period in the middle of social studies and realizes she doesn’t have any pads.
She’s still new to school, doesn’t have any friends, so she doesn’t expect anyone to answer when she timidly calls out, "Excuse me? Does anyone have any pads?"
There's some giggles, some cracks about sticking some tissue down there, and then the sound of the steel door slamming. Cassie sits there, tears beginning to pool in her eyes, and starts to ball a large wad of toilet paper in her hands when someone’s hand rises above the door of the stall beside her, a thin, green pad clenched around her fingers.
"Will this do?"
Cassie sniffles and shakily reaches up and wraps her hands around the pad, her fingers touching the other girl’s for just a second. "Yeah. Thanks."
She and the girl beside her leave their stalls at the same time. They’re the same height, but the girl stands with a sort of confidence, walks with a sort of purpose, and with the simple yet lush eye makeup adorning her face, she looks sorely out of place in a rundown middle school bathroom.
"My name’s Cassie", Cassie says quietly as they’re washing their hands at the sink.
Maddy smiles into the mirror. She’s watching herself, but her eyes dart to Cassie. "Maddy Perez", the girl says, like she’s somebody famous, and Cassie wonders what that would be like.
Horrible, she decides immediately. She doesn’t want anyone looking at her. Not ever.
"Thanks", she says again, and Maddy just shrugs, flicking the water off her fingers because the dryer’s broken again and there are never any paper towels. She adjusts the straps of her purse, then starts towards the door. "Are you new?"
Cassie rushes after her, falling in line beside her just as they walk out the door. They meet the other girls at the front of the hall and take their places behind them, single file, feet firmly set in each square. "Yeah. My, uh, my dad got a new job."
That’s what she tells everyone because it’s what her dad tells her. Her mom says it’s a little more complicated than that, but Cassie doesn’t mind. A new job sounds better and if that’s what her dad prefers…
“I think he got fired from his last one”, she mutters.
Maddy looks at her then, a bit weirdly. And then she’s smiling, a little harder, and saying, "Cool".
"Cool", Cassie repeats, and they’ve arrived at the classroom. All at once, she feels like Alice, shrunk to just a fraction of herself and staring up into a world she’s no clue to navigate, just stumbling through the dark and the wild and the vicious creatures and hoping to make it home in one piece.
And then, just like that, it’s all gone, because Maddy’s grabbed hold of her hand and dragged her to the front row. "You can sit with me", Maddy says before turning to face the board.
Distractedly, Cassie thinks she’ll have to go back for her things, but Maddys already torn out a sheet of notebook paper and passed her a pen-"Don’t chew on it"- with little more than a spare glance.
Mr. Little resumes his lesson, and Cassie settles into her seat and smiles.
Years pass, they change schools, switch Taylor Lautner in for Tyler Posey, and, for all that’s happened, they’re still best friends. You wouldn’t think it, not from their hobbies and personalities, but their friendship was a weird one to begin with. It’s just evolved now, so to speak.
Cassie’s pretty much the same, but she’s a cheerleader now. Years ago, she would’ve thought it impossible, just barely capable of ice-skating when what she really wanted was to sit amongst the crowd and watch other girls skate.
But things are different now. In a way, she’s kinda famous, the way Maddy once was. Not by her own hand and certainly not at her liking but famous nonetheless. But people are already watching her, already know what she looks like under the mountains of clothes she used to wear. At least this way, she has some sort of control of it.
And with cheerleading, it’s all about control; of your body, of your mind, of an audience, with all three interdependent on one another. With that control, it’s kinda stressful, but Cassie kinda likes the stress. It keeps her busy. And now that she and Chris are broken up, she finds herself needing it more and more.
“Cass”, Maddy says, setting her phone down beside her where she’s lying on Cassie’s bed. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I think you need some dick.”
“I don’t need any dick”, Cassie murmurs; she’s practicing their new routine, for the sixth time in the past hour. “I need to learn the new routine.”
“It’s literally the same one from last week but with extra tumbles and a table top instead of an A Frame. What’s to learn?”
Maddy’s mostly the same, too. A little meaner, maybe, and her boyfriend kinda sucks. But the same, underneath it all. “I miss Chris”, she says and aches from the weight of it. Because she does miss him. Despite what Lexie and Maddy say, it wasn’t all bad, really, it wasn't. Chris could be really sweet, when he wasn’t caught up in his own head and her past. She thinks of the time they walked in the park and he held her hand like he wasn’t afraid of someone seeing.
She looks over her shoulder when Maddy doesn’t say anything. Maddy’s just watching her, the way she would when they were younger and Cassie would mess up her makeup. “You think I’m crazy”, Cassie says. It doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. The school counselor says she gets so attached to guys as a result of her dad bailing on them, so she guesses she has some issues.
Maddy just shrugs and pushes herself into a seated position. “You think I’m crazy”, she retorts, and Cassie doesn’t have anything to say to that because even now, she can see the bruises, and she knows for a fact that Maddy’s going to see Nate later. She doesn’t hold it against her, though, same as Maddy doesn’t hold it against her for falling in love with every guy she’s dated. She likes to think it’s why they get along so well, but, truth be told, she’s done analyzing it.
“Maybe we’re all crazy”, she eventually says and lies down beside Maddy. Maddy pats her on her thigh, then turns onto her side to look at her.
“What are you thinking about”, Maddy asks her. Cassie raises her eyebrows, and Maddy just scoffs. “You’ve been Batman Brooding all week.” The humor fades from her voice, and her eyes go soft, like they only do in moments like this. “What’s up?”
Cassie blinks, pulls her arm up to rest her head on it, and thinks. It’s not that hard. Just a few days ago, she was pregnant and had a boyfriend. Now she’s single. And empty. And tired.
And she has a tournament tomorrow.
“If you had to abort or keep a kid...what would you do?”
Maddy pops her lips and reaches out to squeeze Cassie’s hand. “I think I’d keep it”, she says and squeezes her hand harder. “But I wouldn’t like-”, she looks into her eyes and then away, “-I wouldn’t bitch at anyone that wouldn’t.”
Cassie nods. If she weren’t so worn out, she’s pretty sure she’d be crying right about now.
“What about you?”
She brushes her thumb over the side of Maddy’s index finger. “Abort.”
There’s quiet for a few minutes. And then, “No bitching here”.
Cassie curls in on her. Maddy reaches up the wall and presses the lightswitch, bathing them in darkness.
When Cassie’s mom asks them if they want chicken or pizza, neither answers.