Chapter Text
Love Always: Black, White, and…Grey
The world isn’t black and white, it isn’t good or evil there are grey areas and well grey people. Paul Coker wasn’t one of those people, he was good. His heart was pure, and wherever he went he brought that light with him. He was a beacon of acceptance and purity. He loved so completely so selflessly it was a true miracle to watch. The people above who decide these things decided he completed his goal in life. He had brought love to Ben’s life, a boy who had never experience it before.
What Ben did after was his own doing, Paul couldn’t be to blame for his actions. That’s what they told him as Paul watched Ben crumbled and fall into one hookup after another. As he watched him slip pass Callum time after time after time. He isn’t ready for Callum yet, they would say. Paul had to watch for over three years as Ben blamed himself, never moving on never letting go. Ben had put himself in his own personal hell, tormenting himself. He’d have a comeback for why he wasn’t dating for anyone who asked but it was always a lie.
Ben was stuck in the past. He had decided Paul was the love of his life, he wasn’t good enough for more than that. Ben uses Paul and his memory as a reason not to love again, not to try again. He uses sex and alcohol to fill a void in his life that could never be filled. Paul watched brokenly as the person he loved beyond words destroyed themselves. Then it happened, he walked into The Vic just after arriving back, and Callum was there. After years of almost meeting and just being seconds too late Ben Mitchell came face to face with his soulmate.
Paul would always have someone who would say Callum isn’t ready for Ben or you may need to accept it might not happen this lifetime. Paul watched as Callum dug himself deeper and deeper into his own Narnia. It was frustrating and broke Paul’s heart. Chris was basically him. He only had eyes for Callum, and Callum wanted it. Paul watched tearfully as he fled away. Watched him with Whitney, he wanted to hit the boy. Paul had this feeling that he was in for a long ride.
The moment they met Paul couldn’t believe it, he was so overjoyed. Then Ben had to be Ben, and if he could he would have reached through the looking glass and beat him upside his head. There were parts he didn't watch, like the night in the park. Even if he could he wouldn't have that was their moment, until it wasn’t. Everyone around him groaned, the closer it got the less people believed but Paul did. As Ben lied on the floor of the Vic Paul prayed, they wouldn’t take him yet. Ben almost lost that day, but Callum didn't give up.
“Is he really going to wear that,” Chris frowned looking at Ben, he couldn’t hide how he felt. Chris couldn’t see how someone like Ben Mitchell was Callum’s soulmate.
“He’s nervous,” Paul defended but unable to hide his sigh of relief as he ripped the shirt off. “How is Callum doing?”
“Jay and Whitney visited,” Chris sighed, then looked at Ben as he examined himself shirtless. “Are we sure this guy is right for Halfway?”
“What you are feeling is normal,” Paul softly told Chris as he gently placing his hand on Chris’s arm. “You loved Callum, and I loved Ben, but we were never meant to be their love story.”
Paul took in a deep breath as Ben let out a groan of frustration, looking at his clock. Paul knew he needed to take action, and he needed to do it now. He knew what Ben was about to do, and he wasn’t going to let it happen. Paul could see it in Ben’s eyes. The way he looked at his finger, the way he looked over at the picture of them. Paul could feel it in the air around them. The way it sizzled of sweat, it was sour and made Paul and Chris both crinkle their nose when they appeared.
Paul just wanted Ben happy, he wanted him to see himself as he and Callum saw him. One of the biggest misconceptions about death that he at least had was this sense of being. He thought he’d be above human emotions, but if anything, he felt more now than he did alive. He felt a lot alive. Paul would agree that he was sensitive at times emotional. Seeing Ben trying to sabotage his life was too much, Paul had made his decision. Chris had faded away, probably needing to be alone.
Many couldn’t do what Paul was doing right at this moment, they saw the person they loved and couldn’t do it. Chris had just died he knew Chris’ love for Callum was still fresh. Paul knew that three years ago he might not have been able to do this. Watch Ben move on with someone else, fall in love with someone else, but now he could. He could because he watched Ben slip farther and farther away from the man he should be. Ben Mitchell will always be a grey area, but he’s stepping closer and closer to black. And that just wouldn’t do.
TBC