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Buck groaned as he flipped over onto his stomach and grabbed his phone to check the time. Great...4AM. His shift didn’t start for another five hours. There was no way that he was falling back asleep after the nightmare he just had. He could still taste the non-existent salt water in his mouth. He threw off his covers and headed to the bathroom to get ready for the day. After a quick shower, he gelled his hair and threw on a black t-shirt and some blue jeans. He jogged downstairs and pulled out some yogurt, fresh fruit and oats for his breakfast. Eddie had been pestering him about his eating habits lately and pretty much stocked his fridge and cupboards with healthy options only, when Buck hadn’t been looking. Buck downed his breakfast and grabbed his wallet, duffle back and keys from the bowl by the door and left his apartment. He did a coffee run to Starbucks. He ordered a hibiscus refresher with lemonade, a straight black coffee and a chocolate chip cookie. He checked his phone and saw that it was already 6:30AM. Buck adjusted his aviators on his face and pulled up to Eddie’s place. He grabbed the drinks and the cookie and made his way up to Eddie’s apartment. Buck could hear the early morning hustle to get Christopher ready for school and smiled pulling out his key. He unlocked the door and closed it with his hip. Eddie looked up from his place in the kitchen and blinked in surprise as he packed Christopher’s lunch. Buck walked over and put the cookie in the X-Men lunch box and handed Eddie his black coffee. Eddie gave him a bright smile.
“Mind reader.” Eddie muttered as he took a deep sip of his coffee sighing in relief.
Buck snorted as he sat down on a stool at the counter.
“Rough morning?” Buck asked amused and Eddie nodded running a hand through his hair.
“He was impossible to get up this morning.” Eddie said nodding to the hallway, where Christopher’s room was located.
“He’s growing up, man. Wait till he goes through puberty.” Buck teased and Eddie grimaced at him.
“It’s too early for that scary thought. Speaking of which, you’re up early?” Eddie noticed and Buck shrugged.
“I got my eight hours.” Buck stated as he took a sip of his refresher and Eddie wrinkled his nose.
“I don’t know how you stomach those sugary drinks, man.” Eddie shook his head as he zipped Christopher’s lunch box close.
“Same way you stomach that tar you call coffee.” Buck grinned and Eddie laughed as he took another sip of his coffee.
“Buck!” Buck turned in his seat to see Christopher making his way down the hall and into the kitchen.
“Morning, bud. I heard you were giving your dad a hard time this morning?” Buck teased lightly as he pulled Christopher into his lap.
“Maybe.” Christopher mumbled as Buck leaned his chin onto the top of Christopher’s head.
“That’s not very nice. Your dad even made sure you get your favorite cookie for lunch.” Buck muttered to the young boy and felt him deflate a bit.
“He did?” Christopher asked shyly and Buck chuckled.
“Yes he did. I think you may owe him an apology, buddy.” Buck chastised gently and Christopher huffed.
“Sorry, daddy.” Christopher mumbled and Eddie smiled at him ruffling his hair over the counter.
“It’s okay, kid.” Eddie replied and when Christopher looked down at his lunch box, Eddie mouthed ‘thank you’ to Buck, who winked at him in return.
“I gotta get him to school. I’ll be back in like 20 minutes. Feel free to chill, here.” Eddie told Buck clapping his shoulder as he pulled Christopher off his lap.
“Did you eat?” Buck asked and Eddie ran a hand through his hair.
“Not yet.” Eddie admitted sheepishly and Buck rolled his eyes.
“Scrambled or fried?” Buck asked as he turned on the stove and grabbed a pan.
Eddie smiled at him. “Scrambled. Thanks, man. I’ll be right back.” Eddie called out before he and Christopher left the apartment.
Buck synched his phone to Eddie’s portable speaker and turned on some music as he scrambled a few eggs. He grabbed the orange juice out of the fridge and poured a glass before plating the eggs and toast. He was about to put it in the microwave to keep it warm, when Eddie walked through the door. Buck placed the plate onto the counter and Eddie sunk down onto the stool and shoved a mouthful of scrambled eggs into his mouth.
“What time is it?” Eddie asked as he downed his orange juice.
“Almost 8.” Buck answered as he washed the pan.
“We should head out soon.” Eddie stated eating a bit faster and Buck nodded.
“So you gonna tell me why you are up so early?” Eddie asked as he grabbed his plate and put it in the sink raising an eyebrow at Buck.
Buck shrugged. “Woke up early.” Buck replied casually and Eddie snorted.
“Sure, Buckley. Nightmare?” Eddie asked with a knowing look and Buck rolled his eyes.
“No.” Buck shot back but Eddie shook his head.
“Don’t even try to lie to me, man. I know all your tells.” Eddie smirked and Buck sighed.
“It...It wasn’t that bad. Just didn’t bother trying to go back to sleep.” Buck muttered as he picked at imaginary lint on his shirt.
“The ladder truck or the tsunami?” Eddie asked as he started getting his stuff for work.
“Tsunami.” Buck answered as he grabbed Eddie’s jacket throwing it at the older man.
Eddie caught it effortlessly frowning at Buck. “I hate that you still dream about it. Christopher hasn’t had one in ages.” Eddie stated as his frown deepened.
“It’s not that big of a deal, man.” Buck said scratching the back of his head and Eddie shot him a look.
“Hey, if I have to take therapy sessions, at least let me put them to use.” Eddie teased bumping Buck’s shoulder as they left the apartment.
Buck wrinkled his nose. “Are you saying you want to psychoanalyze me?” He asked in mock horror and Eddie snorted.
“God no. The last place I would ever want to be is in your head. I figure I’d last three seconds in there before being traumatized for life.” Eddie joked and Buck put a hand to his chest.
“You wound me.” Buck laughed as he jogged over to his jeep.
He saw Eddie shaking his head at him. “We are taking my truck. Not that piece of junk.” Eddie pointed to his truck next to Buck’s jeep.
“Dude! I bring you coffee and you repay me by insulting my mind and my jeep!” Buck pouted and Eddie laughed grabbing Buck’s arm and dragging him to the passenger side of his truck.
Eddie opened the door for Buck and Buck smirked at him. “Gotta love that southern charm. What a gentleman opening my door.” Buck fluttered his eyelashes teasingly and Eddie rolled his eyes slamming the door in Buck’s face.
Eddie raced over to the driver side and went to open the door, only to find it locked. He gave Buck a look, who was dying of laughter in the truck.
“Seriously! You’re 28 not 12, Buck.” Eddie sighed trying to fight back a smile.
Buck unlocked the door and Eddie jumped into the driver’s seat. The car ride to work was filled with laughter and Buck’s horrible over the top singing. They both walked into the station laughing. They quickly changed into their uniforms and made their way upstairs. Bobby gave them their task for the day to do between calls and Buck pouted as he and Eddie had to detail the truck.
--
“For the last time, Buck. No.” Eddie sighed as they were waxing the back of the truck.
“What if I edit out the cursing and the you know really violent parts?” Buck asked and Eddie scoffed.
“Than you would have a 10 minute clip of absolutely nothing, Buck.” Eddie rolled his eyes and Buck frowned at him.
“But Wolverine is his favorite, Eddie.” Buck whined and Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I know that and when his older, we’ll show him Logan but for now I’m not traumatizing my kid with that R rated trash.” Eddie stated firmly and Buck gasped out in outrage.
“Logan is not trash! It’s a masterpiece of cinema.” Buck grumbled and Eddie snorted.
“When his older, man. Like 15 or something.” Eddie promised but Buck frowned.
“A lot can happen in seven years, you might be sick of me by then.” Buck said jokingly but Eddie could hear the self-doubt in his best friend’s voice.
“Not likely, Buckley. Especially If you keep bringing me coffee every morning.” Eddie bumped his shoulder and Buck smiled.
“Alright. 15, than.” Buck nodded as he continued to wax the truck.
Eddie smiled at him and nodded. “Write it down.” Eddie teased and Buck stuck out his tongue at the older man just before the sirens went off.
They both jumped into action. They got their gear on and joined the others in the truck. They pulled up to the scene and Buck frowned. A psychiatric hospital...He shared a look of concern with Eddie. They walked into the place and saw that Athena was already there.
“What happened?’ Bobby asked as Athena gestured for them to follow.
“One of the patients managed to get a plastic fork. She jabbed it into an orderly’s throat.” Athena muttered and Buck could see a rec room filled with patients and one orderly on the floor. Another orderly was applying pressure to the wound. Hen and Chim rushed over and Buck hung back with Eddie and Bobby.
“I see dead people…” Buck jumped as a girl appeared next to him with big bright unblinking eyes.
Buck gulped and the girl burst out into a cackle. “I’m fucking with you.” She said before walking away to sit down with the other patients.
Buck turned to see Eddie biting his lip to keep from laughing at him. “Jesus…” Buck mumbled and shifted closer to Eddie.
Eddie just raised an amused eyebrow. “You good, man?” Eddie teased but Buck blanched as he looked around the room.
A tight bubble of anxiety, he hadn’t felt since Hershey, grew in his chest.
“Buck?” Eddie asked again slightly more concerned this time.
“I need some air.” Buck mumbled and Bobby frowned at him but nodded and Buck bolted outside.
He tried to regulate his breathing but he couldn’t control the shaking in his left hand. Conversion… He breathed in and out. Conversion… Buck shook his head.
“Buck? Buck, man you good?” Buck could hear Eddie but he couldn’t really focus on anything but...conversion.
Buck leaned over and threw up near the truck. He felt a hand on his back rubbing it but he threw up again. He heaved out a breath. He could hear Bobby and Eddie talking. Hen was soothing back his hair and he could hear Chim trying to talk to him but Buck was not really there with them. Finally, he collected himself.
“Sorry, the yogurt must have been off this morning.” Buck mumbled and no one looked convinced but thankfully they didn’t push.
The ride back to the station, Buck was fighting back memories that were dying to resurface but should stay buried. Once they arrived at the station, Buck hightailed it to the locker room. Buck splashed some water onto his face and when he looked up he saw Eddie in the reflection of the mirror.
“You gonna tell me what that was all about?” Eddie asked softly and Buck shrugged as he wiped his face with a towel.
“Bad yogurt.” Buck shrugged and Eddie crossed his arms.
“Drop it, Eddie.” Buck growled darkly and Eddie blinked in surprise.
Buck had never used that tone with Eddie before or anyone from the 118 for that matter.
“Buck?” Eddie asked concern all over his face as he took a step towards him and Buck blanched taking a step back...Conversion.
“Just don’t, man.” Buck grumbled before side-stepping him and walking away.
The rest of his shift Buck kept his distance from everyone. Bobby was extremely worried as were the rest of the 118.
“Buck? Can you give me a hand? Buck?” Bobby asked but Buck was lost in thought and didn’t hear him.
“Buck? Evan?” Bobby asked again touching his shoulder causing Buck to jump four feet in the air.
Bobby frowned and Buck flushed. “Sorry, Cap. What did you need?” Buck asked while everyone was giving him a worried look.
Buck sighed running a hand through his hair.
“Seems that yogurt was worse than you thought...How about you take the rest of the day.” Bobby told him and Buck frowned but nodded.
“Yeah, alright.” Buck answered before heading to the locker room surprising everyone.
Buck never took sick days, he was crushed by a truck and wanted to be back the next day for christ sake...him not even arguing about leaving early was strange. They watched as he came out of the locker room and left without even saying goodbye.
“Buck!” Eddie called out and Buck turned to him confused. “We came together, man.” Eddie whispered throwing him his keys, Buck barely caught them.
“What about you…” Buck trailed off and Bobby clapped Eddie’s shoulder. “I’ll drive him home.” Bobby answered and Buck nodded before leaving.
Eddie frowned and once Buck was pulling out, Chim turned to them.
“Maddie was suppose to stop by after her shift…” Chim announced and Eddie sighed in relief.
If anyone would know what the hell was going on, it was Maddie Buckley.
--
They were sitting in the common room talking when Maddie walked up the stairs. Chim greeted her with a kiss and she smiled before looking over the room. She looked confused.
“Where’s Buck?” She asked casually as she sat down and Bobby rubbed the back of his neck.
“I sent him home. He wasn’t feeling well. He threw up on a call.” Bobby told her and she frowned.
“Oh? He didn’t text me. Normally, he always texts me when he gets sick.” Maddie frowned and Eddie sighed.
“I don’t think it’s a bug or anything… He seemed more freaked out than sick. I think the psychiatric hospital really freaked him out.” Eddie stated and Maddie froze.
“Psychiatric hospital?” She croaked out and they frowned at her nodding.
Maddie pulled out her phone and shakingly tapped her screen, bringing it up to her ear.
“Come on, Evan. Pick up. Pick up. Evan…” Maddie muttered to herself and Eddie saw the frowns on everyone’s faces.
Eddie heard the sound of Buck’s voicemail.
“Evan it’s me. Please call me back. I can’t imagine what’s going through your head right now but you are not in Hershey. You’re not in Hershey! Call me back, little brother.” Maddie sighed hanging up.
Chim was giving her a confused look and Maddie frowned as she wiped away a stray tear.
“Maddie?” Chim prodded gently and she sighed.
“It’s not my story to tell…” Maddie whispered and Bobby got up to lean down in front of her.
“This seems serious. Maddie, what’s going on?” Bobby asked softly and Maddie frowned at him.
“You know there is a pretty big age gap between, Buck and I?” Maddie mumbled and Bobby nodded.
“I left for college when Buck was pretty young. Our parents were not...Let’s just say I was glad to get the hell out of there.” Maddie whispered and Chim frowned at her.
“Buck never talks about his parents.” Hen stated and Maddie sighed.
“They are really conservative. They pushed me into marrying Doug...I mean they are really conservative.” Maddie muttered in slight disgust and Eddie leaned forward putting a supporting hand on her arm.
“My dad...my dad caught him one day...with a boy from school.” Maddie stated lowly and the room went completely silent.
“What?” Hen asked shocked and Maddie winced.
“Buck was really into him...He would text me about him a lot. Than one day, the texts just stopped. He used to text me four to five times a day to nothing at all. For three months, I didn’t get a text and I started to get seriously worried. I called my parents but they said he was fine...It wasn’t until I called a friend from home to have her check things out that I found out that my parents had sent him to a conversion camp.” Maddie choked out and Hen gasped in horror.
“He was sixteen at the time. I drove down right away...I pulled him out of there. He was a mess for weeks. I have no idea what they did do him in that place...It looked like a prison... I...He changed after that...He started chasing girls like it was...I don’t know what happened…” Maddie explained as she burst into tears.
Eddie felt sick to his stomach and by the looks of everyone else he wasn’t alone.
“Those places are horrid, from the horror stories I heard.” Hen mumbled and Chim pulled Maddie closer.
Her phone started to vibrate and she ran a hand over her face to collect herself before answering.
“Hi...Are you okay?... Do you need me to come over?...You shouldn't be alone right now...You are not being a wuss, Buck! … I don’t think that’s a good idea...Alright but text me if you need anything. Alright... I love you.” Maddie whispered hanging up.
“He says he’s fine and just needs a night to himself.” Maddie mumbled and Eddie frowned.
--
Maddie had left with Chim and Eddie was getting changed in the locker room. He pulled out his phone.
Eddie:
Say the word and Im there
Buck:
She told u…
Eddie:
Im serious Buck
Do you want me to come over?
Buck:
No
Eddie winced at that.
Eddie:
And if I still came over?
Buck:
U are the last person I want to see right now…
Eddie flinched at that...What the hell was that supposed to mean?
“You ready, Diaz?” Bobby asked poking his head into the locker room.
Eddie nodded pocketing his phone. Eddie was sitting in the passenger’s seat of Bobby’s car. He bit his lip and sighed, he might regret this but…
“Take a left.” Eddie whispered and Bobby raised a knowing eyebrow.
Eddie didn’t need to give him other directions, Bobby drove him to Buck’s. Eddie had texted his abuela and told her he had an emergency at work and needed to pull a double and she said she would take care of Christopher. Eddie jogged up the stairs and pulled out his key to Buck’s place. He opened the door. The apartment was dark. He looked around for a sign of his best friend. He slowly made his way up to the loft. The bed was empty but Eddie could hear the shower. He looked into the bathroom door that was open and cursed under his breath before running into it. Buck was in the shower completely dressed and sitting with his knees drawn up. His arms were wrapped around his knees and his head was buried in them. Eddie cursed even louder as the freezing cold water hit his hand as he turned it off. He crouched down in front of Buck.
“Buck? Buck? Hey...please look at me.” Eddie whispered and Buck slowly lifted his head.
His beautiful blue eyes were rimmed red and Eddie’s heart ached.
“Told you not to come…” Buck whispered and Eddie frowned.
“Fuck that…” Eddie muttered and Buck snorted as he put his head back down.
“Let’s get you into some warm dry clothes, man.” Eddie sighed as he hauled Buck off the shower floor.
Eddie sat him on the toilet before running to get some dry clothes. He pulled out some sweats and a white t-shirt. Eddie walked back into the bathroom.
“Arms up.” Eddie ordered softly and when Buck didn’t move he sighed.
“Buck, come on...Arms up.” Eddie tried again and Buck slowly lifted his arms so that Eddie could pull his shirt off. He threw the wet shirt into the laundry basket. He grabbed a towel and dried Buck the best he could before pulling on the dry t-shirt. He went to unzip his jeans but Buck’s hand shot out stopping him. The grip was steel.
“I got it.” Buck whispered and Eddie nodded taking a step back and turning around.
He bit his lip trying to keep his cool. He saw the wet jeans fly into the laundry basket and turned around to see Buck in his sweats.
“What the hell was that? The water was freezing.” Eddie muttered and Buck sighed.
“Aversion technique.” Buck mumbled and Eddie blanched.
“What?” Eddie whispered softly, taking a step forward and Buck took one back.
Eddie frowned...Buck and him...personal space...that wasn’t a thing. So why did he feel like he was being kicked out of Buck’s personal space.
“Buck?” Eddie whispered again and Buck bit his lip.
“I got triggered today.” Buck sighed and Eddie nodded frowning.
“PTSD...after everything you’ve been through…” Eddie trailed off and Buck nodded.
“You looked very nice today...I can’t think those things...Bad thoughts…” Buck whimpered as he closed his eyes and Eddie wanted to throw up.
“No no no no...Buck, look at me! Hey, look at me. It’s perfectly fine and normal to think that.” Eddie reassured but Buck shook his head.
“My dad would kill me…” Buck choked and Eddie closed his eyes.
“Buck, sweetheart...What year is it?” Eddie asked and Buck frowned… “2008.” Buck whispered and Eddie sighed.
“No, sweetheart. It’s 2019. Soon to be 2020...We just celebrated Christmas...remember?” Eddie pushed some of Buck’s wet hair off his forehead.
“My head hurts.” Buck mumbled and Eddie nodded.
“Come on, sweetheart.” Eddie muttered dragging Buck out of the bathroom and slowly lowered him to his bed.
“Sleep...I’ll be right downstairs.” Eddie reassured as Buck nodded and burrowed into his pillow.
Eddie sighed and shut off the light before walking down stairs. He sat down onto the couch and closed his eyes. He took out his phone and dialed a familiar number.
“Eddie? Everything okay, mijo?” Eddie bit his lip.
“Just wanted to call you and say that I love you.” Eddie told his dad and he heard his dad let out a small chuckle.
“I love you too, mijo. What’s this about?” Ramon asked and Eddie sighed.
“Just wanted to thank you for accepting me for who I am no matter what.” Eddie whispered and he heard a small huff.
“Finally. So, when are we meeting this Evan that your abuela won’t stop talking about.” Ramon laughed and Eddie choked back a small sob.
“Soon. I promise.” Eddie whispered and he could almost hear his father frown.
“Is everything okay, mijo?” Ramon asked concern.
“Let’s just say not all fathers are as accepting as you, papi.” Eddie muttered.
“Well you tell Evan that we are. That from what I’ve heard about him from your abuela that he is a great man and I would be honored to have him as a member of our family.” Ramon stated and Eddie let a few tears fall.
“I’ll tell him. Thanks, papi.” Eddie whispered.
“Love you, mijo.” Ramon said and Eddie smiled. “Love you too, bye.” Eddie hung up and leaned back into the couch.
--
Buck woke up with the worst headache. He frowned and rolled over to check the time and nearly had a panic attack. He was so late. He tumbled out of the bed and tore off his clothes and pulled on some new ones. He raced down stairs only to crashed into Eddie’s chest. Eddie? What was Eddie doing here?
“Whoa...Where’s the fire?” Eddie asked and Buck blinked.
“Eddie? What are you doing here? No time we are so late! Our shift started like 40 minutes ago!” Buck grabbed him by the arm but Eddie didn’t budge.
“We are off today, man. It’s Thursday.” Eddie whispered gently and Buck frowned at him.
“No, man it’s Wednesday.” Buck said confused and Eddie closed his eyes.
“Sweetheart…” Eddie trailed off and Buck’s eyes bugged out of his head...sweetheart? That’s new.
“You don’t remember yesterday do you?” Eddie asked and Buck frowned.
“What are you talking about, man?” Buck shot back as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“The psychiatric hospital?” Eddie prodded and Buck blinked.
“The what now?” Buck asked and Eddie gulped.
“I don’t want to cause you anymore trauma, sweetheart...but you had an episode yesterday.” Eddie stated putting a hand on Buck’s arm.
Buck was pretty sure he woke up in the twilight zone because Eddie was looking at him with lovey-dovey eyes and calling him sweetheart...not that he minded at all but…
“I’m lost.” Buck replied and Eddie pulled him to the couch and sat him down.
Buck listened to Eddie tell him about what happened yesterday. The more Eddie spoke the more things started to come back to Buck...He winced at the mention of the conversion camp. Yeah he remembered that shit show. Three months of hell. He shook his head.
“Is any of this ringing any bells?” Eddie asked concerned and Buck sighed running a hand down his face.
“Yeah, man. It’s coming back to me. I’m sorry I dragged you into this mess…” Buck sighed and Eddie scoffed.
“You didn’t drag me into any mess, Buck.” Eddie grumbled and Buck smirked.
“So we are back to Buck now are we?” Buck teased and Eddie blushed.
“Don’t be an ass when I’m trying to help you...sweetheart.” Eddie whispered and Buck shivered.
“The conversion camp...It screwed me up… for a while but once I got out of Hershey, I was able to be me. I’ve been with guys since...and girls. I don’t know what Maddie said to you but it’s not like I’m… I know who I am and I’m okay with it...That’s what I’m trying to say. I guess yesterday, the hospital it just triggered me but I’m good now.” Buck mumbled awkwardly and Eddie nodded.
“Still think that you should talk to someone.” Eddie said and Buck sighed.
“Not a big fan of therapists...We don’t have a good track record.” Buck grumbled and Eddie nodded.
“What if I went with you for a few sessions?” Eddie asked and Buck blinked at him in surprise.
“You would do that for me?” Buck asked in awe and Eddie smiled at him.
“There isn’t much in this world I wouldn’t do for you, man.” Eddie confessed and Buck swallowed a lump.
“I’m an emotionally wrecked 28 year old with a lot of baggage...you could do better.” Buck muttered and Eddie scoffed at him.
“And I’m a 32 year old army vet with anger issues, a kid and just as much baggage.” Eddie replied and Buck snorted.
“A match made in heaven.” Buck joked but Eddie grabbed him by the chin.
“Yeah we are.” Eddie whispered before gently kissing him.
He pulled back and looked at Buck with a serious look. “Was that okay? You are vulnerable right now and I don’t want to take advantage of you, because I want this and I want you but I don’t want to pressure you or...You mean the world to me and I…” Buck surged forward cutting him off by crashing their lips together.
“I want you too. I wanted you since you showed me up on your first day...you little-know-it-all.” Buck teased biting his lower lip.
Eddie moaned as he pulled Buck closer. “I love you.” Eddie sighed into his mouth and Buck smiled against his lips.
“I love you too...sweetheart.” Buck teased kissing him deeply.
“We are still going to therap…” Buck cut him off again.
They would go to therapy but first, Buck wanted to make out like teenagers.