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"I love you."
Seconds after Yoongi whispered those words in between their kiss, the moment broke. The sun that was only about to set a couple minutes ago, finally sunk into the waters and the whole place got enveloped by darkness. The lights that were supposed to open after sunset were still off, the moon isn't as bright as the other nights and Taehyung's warm arms around Yoongi's neck grew as cold as the water surrounding them. Suddenly, Yoongi felt like drowning, it's as if he never learned how to swim, or the gravity's pulling him down the ocean.
"W-what?" Taehyung whispered back as he peels himself off from Yoongi, creating a small yet massive distance between them. Yoongi wants to pull him back.
"I love you, Taehyung." He repeats, more loudly this time, his voice as full as the emotions he's feeling inside his heart. He couldn't help it, okay? The younger and him had been spending a few weeks together, it was so easy to like Taehyung. Taehyung even accepted his confession back then and they started dating, testing the waters. What he didn't expect is to fall in love with Taehyung this fast and deep. He badly wants to slap himself because he knows, from the very beginning, that what he did and what he is doing right now is just taking advantage of Taehyung.
"We should...go back. It's dark and it's getting cold." Taehyung completely distances himself from Yoongi and started swimming back to the shore. Yoongi stood there for a few more seconds, trying to reach the hand that disappeared so fast. He closes his eyes and lets the coldness sips through his entire body. Still, it doesn't compare to the coldness he's feeling in his heart, a wind blew and it sounded like Yoongi's heart breaking. Tears stung his eyes and he shakes his head. He doesn't have a right to cry.
When he's back on the shore, Taehyung's already in his t-shirt. The younger man extended a hand to Yoongi, giving him a towel for himself. Yoongi accepted it and said his thanks. They made their journey back to the small house they rented for the weekend. Once they're inside, Taehyung asked if he could shower first. While waiting, Yoongi prepared something for their dinner. Twenty minutes later, Taehyung went out of the shower and Yoongi took over his place, the older man telling him to watch the food he's cooking. If Yoongi noticed Taehyung's red and swollen eyes, he didn't mention it.
Dinner was awkward. Suffocating even. After they ate, Taehyung volunteered to wash the dishes and Yoongi let him. He went outside to refresh his mind and to breathe some fresh air. He sat on the sand, not too near the water to avoid getting wet. He tips his head back and closes his eyes, letting the memories play in his mind. The day he first saw Taehyung, he knows he's going to be in this situation. But why does it hurt so much?
A week after the operation, Yoongi's finally allowed to walk around the hospital. He keeps on pestering the nurses to let him stand, go walk, or do things because just sitting and laying on his bed is making him crazy. The nurses let him go out of his room in two condition, he has to be in wheelchair, and he has to have someone with him. And so here he is, being pushed by Jimin along the hallways on the hospital on their way to the garden.
"I wanna go home." he said to his friend, he heard Jimin sigh, puffs of air hitting his hair.
"That's the fifth time you said that and it isn't even noon yet, hyung."
"I know but-" Yoongi stopped mid-sentence when a man walks out of one of the rooms. If only this was a random person, he wouldn't pay it any attention, but he knows this person. He can't be wrong on this man's identity because he's been staring at his picture ever since he got them from the nurse.
"Hyung. Isn't that..." Jimin starts off and Yoongi nodded his head. "Do you want to talk to him?"
"No..."
--
The second time Yoongi sees Taehyung, it's on purpose. He did quite a research on the young man and he found out he and Seokjin used to jog around Han river, if his instagram posts are correct. Yoongi thinks this is dumb because what if Taehyung never comes again in this place? And second, isn't he being such a creep? Why can't he just ask for his number and ask to meet him and have a talk? Why can't Yoongi do normal things?
One answer. He's scared.
What he has right now isn't just Seokjin's heart but also Taehyung's. Taehyung took care of this heart for years, and now it's in Yoongi. He doesn't know if he deserves this.
Yoongi's too lost in his mind that he didn't immediately notice Taehyung passing by in front of him. He almost missed him. Yoongi watches him, he thought he'll just walk past but it surprised him when he sat on the other bench beside the one Yoongi's sitting on. It's a good thing that even though it makes him look ridiculous, he chose to wear a mask, sunglasses, and a cap so it wasn't too obvious that he's watching Taehyung. Taehyung on the other hand, probably won't notice anyway because he's far too out of the world around him. His eyes are red, void of emotions, and out of focus. He's wearing a simple white shirt and jeans, he's obviously not out for the run. His hair is unkept and yet he still looks handsome.
The Taehyung Yoongi's seeing right now is far so different from the Taehyung in the photograph and on the photos in his social media accounts. This one doesn't have the bright box-like smile Taehyung has, this Taehyung's eyes are shining not because of happiness but because of tears. Yoongi's heart aches at the sight of him and he unconsciously rubs it. Maybe Seokjin is feels something is wrong with Taehyung so he's alerting Yoongi about it. Yoongi wants to walk to Taehyung and comfort him but he's scared it would just make things worse. He's scared he would cause Taehyung more pain.
He sighs and stands up to leave.
--
Of all things, Yoongi didn't expect this. He didn't think he would see Taehyung standing inside their little shop, browsing through all the photos on the walls. He isn't prepared for this but now that he's here, might as well get things done right? He's not dumb. He knows why Taehyung is here. By the way he's looking at the pictures with those sad eyes. He's here for Yoongi.
"That's me..." he said and it alerted Taehyung to turn around and face him. Taehyung was thinner than the last time he's seen him but he's still as beautiful as ever. Even with sadness wrapped around him, he's still shining.
They talked a lot that day, exchanged numbers, talk a lot about coffees, cakes, and teas. And even though the air is stiff, they separated with smiles on their faces.
--
What Yoongi didn't expect is for them to hang out and be closer. They went to different places in Seoul and Daegu when they both had time, they know the travel time is tiring but it feels like time flies whenever they're about to meet each other, 5 hours of travel mean nothing to Yoongi if in the end, he'll get to see Taehyung. They tried each other's hobbies, from playing basketball to going to museums. And Yoongi is falling too fast. And it's wrong in all aspects. But he has no control over his feelings, right? So he confessed. And imagine his happiness when Taehyung accepted his confession and said "I think I like you too, hyung."
That was the happiest day of Yoongi's life, surpassing the day of his operation.
But he knows that everything is because of Seokjin. If not for Seokjin, he won't get a new heart and a new life. If not because of Seokjin, he won't get to meet Taehyung and fall for him. He owes everything to Seokjin.
He chose to bury that thought deep in his head. Because, Taehyung will not like him just because of a heart right? He likes him because of his personality, because he's Yoongi. Right?
--
His thought were interrupted when he heard someone clearing their throat. He opens his eyes and saw Taehyung looking down at him. Yoongi sat properly but didn't make a move to stand up.
"Hyung, it's cold and late." Taehyung said, his voice rough, like he just cried. Yoongi feels like crying too. This night is supposed to be about them, but he's out here ruining everything.
"I'm not sleepy yet. You...you should go ahead and rest." He told him and he expected Taehyung to follow him, because of course, what more does Taehyung want aside from being away from Yoongi even just for a few hours? Instead, Taehyung sits beside him, the space between them feels like a hundred miles even though it's barely the length of a ruler.
"Hyung.." Taehyung starts off and Yoongi immediately cuts him off.
"I'm sorry." He said. He knows this is it. This will be the end of everything. What they have...had is more than Yoongi could ever ask for. He never found himself liking someone because of his condition, what more falling in love. He's never felt the same happiness he feels whenever he's with Taehyung. When he's with him, he feels like nothing could go wrong. Back then, he feels like the universe is constantly shrinking, suffocating him on purpose, but with Taehyung, he could feel it expanding, giving him more air to breathe. With Taehyung, it's warm even in winter. Everything just feels so right with Taehyung and Yoongi would be lying if he says he's willing to give up what they have just because of the guilt he's feeling. But, he's been selfish for far too long. This heart isn't his, and Taehyung isn't his. They both belong to Seokjin, nothing belongs to Yoongi.
"I was..I was asking for too much, Taehyung. Not because I have Seokjin's heart, doesn't mean I could have the one it loves. I know I can't have you, Taehyung but I've been...being so selfish wanting you to be with me, to be mine. I know I don't deserve his heart and you, I'm already lucky to have the former but here I am asking if I could have some more. I'm asking him to have the one person he cherished and loved the most and I know that's too much of me. Every single night, I ask him if I could love you the same he did, I kept waiting for signs, for answers. Who would have thought this would be his way of saying no?" Yoongi is proud of himself that despite the fact that his voice is thick with tears, there isn't any that's falling from his eyes.
It was quiet around them, only the wind, the waves, and Taehyung's sobs could be heard. Yoongi wants to cry too but he should be the bigger man, he should appear strong. "I'm so-sorry." Taehyung says in between his sobs. "I swear I do like you, Yoongi. Y-you're so easy to like. I have fun whenever I'm with you. I-I never felt this happy the past few months. At first, I thought, I should get to know you and be with you just so I can be close with something that is his but later on...Yoongi, whatever I showed you was real, I really mean it when I said I like you, too. It's just that-"
"It's just that you love him. Taehyung I know that you only befriended me because of the thing inside me, I know that. I also know that you were sincere when you said you like me, too. You're not the type of person to take advantage of someone, Tae. You're too pure for that. You have your heart on your sleeves, you're too transparent with your feelings, so I know everything we had was real and I also know that your heart still belongs to the heart inside of me, it's just that it isn't mine."
"Yoongi..."
"It's fine, Taehyung. I understand. He's your first love, and probably your true love. It's hard to let go of something like that." He faces the younger man and extended his arm to wipe the tears that don't stop falling from his eyes. "I'll always be here for you, Taehyung. Maybe, I can't replace him, or I can't be on the same level as him but I...I will protect and treasure you the same way he did, I'll give you the same amount of love he gave you, even more. I love you and that won't change. Hyung will always be here for you." Yoongi cups Taehyung's jaw and kisses his forehead and closed eyes. He rested his own forehead on top of Taehyung's and they just stayed like that for a few moments. Letting the cold air hit their wet faces and brush their hairs.
"Will you wait for me, hyung?" Taehyung asks a few seconds later after his sobs have died down.
"I will, Taehyung. Always."