Chapter Text
Dimitri lets out a low groan as he strokes his cock with his right hand, slowly moving up and down his shaft. His left hand is holding his phone, with a low resolution porn video silently playing. The woman is being treated roughly, like she's just a human fleshlight for the man, as he holds her hips and slides her back and forth on his cock. Dimitri's so close. He can feel it. He hates it. Hates that something like this is arousing him.
He bites his lip and tries to think of something else, to distract him until he gets his release. Edelgard's infuriating face flashes through his mind. Fuck, no, not her. Something else. Dominating Edelgard like the woman the video. Forcing her to submit to him. Using her cunt to get off. Fuck, he's almost there. He tries to look back at the video. It's no use, he can't chase the idea of Edelgard underneath him out of his head. How she would feel on his cock. How satisfying it would be to force her to beg for release as he fucked her senseless.
It's that last thought that finally tips him over the edge, cum spurting out of his cock onto his bare chest. He slows the pumping of his hand, until the last waves of his orgasm float away. His breathing is still ragged. He pulls his phone towards him, moving to exit out of the video he had been watching. This is really horrible, he thought. What kind of scum gets aroused watching women get hurt? He knows what kind of scum. Scum like him. It was bad enough that he masturbated. He tried not to, but the longest he found he could hold out was a week.
This had become a daily ritual, of sorts, for him. Watch porn. Jerk off. Hate himself afterwards. Especially on days like today, when the thought of one of his classmates entered his mind unbidden. He grimaced. Edelgard of all the girls. Of all the girls at Garreg Mach Catholic Academy to fantasize about, he just had to think of the one who aggravated him the most. Who was also technically his step-sister. Dimitri isn't sure which of those is worse for this scenario.
Enough self-loathing for now,he thought. Class was going to start soon, and he needed to get breakfast before the dining hall closed. He sat up, wiping the cum off of his chest with a dirty t-shirt from the laundry hamper underneath his bed. He pulled on his white dress shirt, and then his boxers and slacks, threading his belt through his pant-loops as he dug his feet into his shoes, before hopping out the door, trying to tie his laces as he walked down the hall.
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He's able to put his earlier jerk-session out of his mind for most of his morning classes, but his efforts prove to ultimately have been pointless when P.E. class arrives. Coach Shamir tells them to divide into two teams for a soccer game, and naturally, the class splits along house lines- the Black Eagles vs the Blue Lions. And there Edelgard is, her long, pale hair tied up in a high ponytail, in shorts that showed off an unfair amount of her legs.
He already knows that she's going to be the biggest threat on the field against them, as a star member of the Academy's girls' soccer team. He knew he had a physical advantage over her in muscle and height, but he was on her turf- figuratively and literally. As a lacrosse player, he was less used to the tight footwork that would let Edelgard steal the ball out from under him on the soccer field.
Hs initial assessment proved correct, as he and Edelgard clashed over and over on the field. He'd get the ball, run with it for a good distance, and then she would dart in and steal it from him, expertly passing it back down the field towards his team's goal. She's always there, her legs seeming to taunt him with how good they looked in her almost-too-tight shorts. He's relieved when Shamir calls for a short break midway through, the score having stayed at 1-1 after Bernadetta's lucky kick scored a point, and he had managed to pass the ball to Dedue to score before Edelgard stole the ball back from him.
He chugs water, letting it run down his face and chest freely. It isn't until he goes to put his water bottle back that he sees her again, talking animatedly with Petra and Caspar, probably scheming for how they'd take the second half of the scrimmage. Damn, he should probably pull some of his team aside to try and plan something. He fumes, knowing he didn't actually know many soccer strategies. She was going to best him again.
He's still glowering at her when it happens. She's still in the middle of talking with her teammates, when she lifts up the bottom of her shirt to wipe the sweat off her forehead. Dimitri can feel his mouth go dry, all the water he had just chugged seeming to evaporate out of his system. He can see her well defined abs, the bright purple strip of her sports bra that was briefly visible for a moment. Fuck. Of course she had to make this even harder for him than it already was. He turns around to go back to his water bottle, but Coach Shamir starts blowing her whistle and motioning for the students to get back on the field. Dimitri groaned. The second half of the game was going to be hell for him.
Somehow, though, he managed to keep Edelgard away from their goal for most of the second half. He gives up on trying to score, instead devoting himself to getting in Edelgard's way. A smug smile finds its way on his lips when he can tell that it's working from the way Edelgard is glaring at him. Good. Her shorts still taunt him, and he keeps imagining tearing those shorts off of her, but his irritation wins this time as he doesn't let anything distract him from blocking Edelgard.
The game is close to ending, he knows, when Edelgard makes a desperate bid for the ball between his legs. He moves to stop her, but gets he places his foot wrong and moves too fast. Before Dimitri realizes it, he's on top of Edelgard on the grass. He freezes when he hears her gasp in pain. She was the first to hit the ground, she must have cushioned his fall with her body. He wants to move away, apologize, help Edelgard up, but that gasp she had let out coupled with him being pretty much on top of her- he could feel himself start to get hard. Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck.
He tries to shift slightly away, hoping she doesn't notice. But when she groans, he realizes that he's kneed her in the groin in his attempt to shift away. And she can probably definitely feel his partial erection against her inner thigh. Fuck. He has to get away, now, before he makes this whole situation even worse for himself. He leaps off of her, desperately willing his boner to go away. as he reaches for her hand to pull her up.
"Sorry," he grunts, not trusting himself to say more.
"It's fine," Edelgard replies. "But Coach is coming over so you should probably...fix that."
He twists his head around and sees Shamir jogging towards them. Fuck, and his erection still hasn't gone away. He whips his head back towards Edelgard who gives him a pointed look at his crotch. He can feel his face flushing as he quickly adjusts himself, strapping his cock against his body with the elastic waistband of his gym shorts and tugging his shirt over it.
"You guys know the rules about fouls. This never should have happened, Dimitri," she says with a mildly irritated tone.
"It was an accident, Coach," comes Edelgard's surprising reply. "Neither of us are at fault." Shamir tilts her head, frowning at Edelgard.
Dimitri blinks as he processes what Edelgard said. It had definitely been his fault. And he had gotten an erection, fuck, was she going to report him? She had every reason to. Or if not report it, find a way to humiliate him among their classmates for it.
"Are either of you hurt? It looked like a nasty fall." Luckily, Shamir seems to believe Edelgard, or at least not want to challenge her declaration.
Guilt floods Dimitri's mind as he remembers the gasp Edelgard had let out when they first fell, and then when he had gotten up. She had definitely gotten hurt because of the fall he had caused. Yet, to his increasing surprise, Edelgard shakes her head.
"I'm fine," she says. "Are we going to finish the game?" Dimitri opens his mouth to protest, knowing Edelgard was lying. But the glare she shot him as she saw him move to speak had him close his mouth again. If she wanted to insist that she was fine, then fine. She probably thought he wanted to gloat that she was injured and she wasn't. So damn stubborn, hiding her pain to prevent a one-up that only she saw that way. He wasn't that petty, no matter how irritating she was to him.
Shamir shakes her head. "No, now is as good a time as any to end the game. There was only a minute left on my clock anyways." She turns around, calling for the other students to head back to the locker rooms. Dimitri hears them erupt into protests, demanding at least a penalty kick off to decide the score.
"You kids are too damn competitive with each other," he hears Shamir yell at them. "It's a tie. Get over it."
As he walks back over to his team, he can tell that none of them are happy about the forced tie. But Shamir was notoriously firm once she had made a decision, and they all knew by now that protesting further would only earn them push-ups as a punishment.
"You okay, D?" Sylvain asks him with a clap on the shoulder.
"Fine," Dimitri replies. "Edelgard took most of the fall." He pauses, not wanting to look bad in front of his classmates. "But she insists she's fine." It was what she herself had said after all. Even though he knew she was lying. He shook his head. That was her problem. He needed to be prepared for when she told someone about his accidental erection. If she wanted to grit her teeth and lie through some pain, maybe that was just pre-emptive karma for her inevitable attempt to humiliate him in the near future.
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Dimitri tosses and turns in his bed that night, unable to fall asleep. He keeps reliving that moment of being on top of Edelgard, effectively having her pinned beneath him against the grass. His hard cock pressed against her inner thigh. Without thinking, his hands dip inside his sweatpants and he's touching himself. He groans at himself, in his head, before glancing over at Sylvain, his roommate in the next bed over. Luckily, Sylvain seems out for the count, lightly snoring like usual. He could pull off a stealth fap if he wanted. He had already masturbated today, and while part of him felt ashamed that he was so horny he could masturbate twice in a day, a much louder part of him was telling him that maybe if he jerked it tonight, he wouldn't feel the need to do so tomorrow. Today was already a failure. Fapping again wouldn't change that, but could save him tomorrow.
He's sliding his hands up and down his cock as he realizes he had already decided to get off tonight. Fuck it, he thought. May as well go all out. He let the memory swallow him, turning it into a fantasy. He imagined being on top of her again, but this time, pulling off her shorts when he pulled away. What would she look like, underneath her panties? What did her abs feel like? Dimitri let himself get taken away by his fantasies. Imagining her gasping and groaning again. Touching her, causing her to make those sounds. What it might feel like inside her-- Before he realizes it, he's cumming. Fuck, that was fast. Way faster than he's ever gotten off before. And it was just as good-- maybe better-- as all the other times too.
Shame overtakes him just as quickly as his orgasm had. Edelgard had actually been hurt when he fell on top of her, even if she pretended that she was fine, and he had just gotten off on her pain. Scum. Despicable. You're going to hell for this, he found himself thinking. He had to do better, be better, than this.
Despite his orgasm, Dimitri still struggled to fall asleep. Thankfully, he was no longer being tormented with lust, but he still can't stop thinking about the soccer game. Or rather, what came after it. Which had been nothing in particular at all. Edelgard hadn't told anyone about his boner, it seemed. Maybe she was saving it as ammunition against him later. He would just deny it, of course. But what if she's keeping it a secret just to flaunt it over his head, like she was superior to him now. To compensate for her moment of weakness expressing pain. That had to be it, he thought, almost relieved. He just wouldn't let her play mind games with him like that, he thought, as he finally drifted off to sleep.
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Yet as the week goes on, Edelgard makes no reference or mention of the soccer incident at all. Not to him and not to any other student, as far as he can tell. Dimitri is baffled, but feels a growing sense of relief and gratitude. Which is ridiculous, of course. Feeling grateful towards Edelgard of all people, just for not being a jerk this one time.
It's not until Thursday afternoon several days later, when he and the other house leaders have their weekly meeting, that he gets the chance to properly speak to Edelgard again. Not like he had anything in particular to say to her. The meeting goes smoothly, until the end, where they work on tedious but necessary paperwork after getting the agenda items and planning out of the way.
"So, I did my share of the paperwork during class this week. So I'm going to bounce. Later!" Claude tells them. Edelgard looks pissed. Dimitri feels both a little annoyed, and envious that he hadn't thought of doing that.
"You can't just leave," Edelgard insists. "How do you know you did your paperwork correctly? A lot of the information you need to include you wouldn't have access to in class."
"Aww, is little miss Ice Princess mad I'm leaving her all alone with Mr. Tin Soldier?" he breezily teases with a wink. Edelgard bristles at the nickname, but Dimitri hasn't heard the tin soldier nickname for him before.
"Tin soldier?" he asks, curious.
"You know. So stiff and upright that if it were a person, you know they'd have a stick the length of a golf club up their ass," Claude replies before throwing up a peace sign and shutting the door behind him.
"Ugh. He is so irresponsible," Edelgard groans in the sudden silence.
"I mean, if he really did do his paperwork, it's fine right?" Dimitri doesn't know why he's defending Claude. Probably just because Edelgard is mad at him.
Edelgard grumpily folds her arms. "Maybe. But it's important we're all here for these things, to share our knowledge if we need to." Dimitri doesn't agree or disagree, just shrugs a bit and returns to working on his paperwork. The only noise in the room becomes the scratching of pen against paper and the ticking clock on the wall. It's a while before Dimitri decides to speak again.
"You know," he begins. "I've wanted to uh, thank you." Edelgard looks up at him in mild surprise and curiousity.
"What for?" she asks. Dimitri wants to smack his head against a wall. Stupid, stupid, stupid, bringing this up. Maybe she's already forgotten. Though he knew she probably hadn't. It had only been a few days, and she had pretty clearly noticed it. But now he had to keep talking.
"For, ah, the soccer game. When I fell on you."
"Oh. That." Her facial expression is somehow both mildly baffled and slightly condescending. "Why would I tell anybody that you had a boner when you fell on me? It was an accident that you fell, you never try and go for those types of fouls."
Dimitri's mind goes blank. He hadn't thought it out this far, what he would say next. He also wants to correct her and say it was half of a boner. But he knows that he would really be throwing himself into hot water if he said that. Yet he has to respond, somehow, with something.
"Well, uh. You know. It was very inappropriate. And shameful of me. My mind was clearly not in the right place and I ended up in sexual sin," he manages to sputter out. He hears the click of Edelgard set her pen down. She's turned to actually face him and look at him head on. Her expression is clearly irritated. Shit, he must have fucked that up. His mind races trying to pick his words apart and find out where he went wrong. But before he can come to any conclusion, Edelgard speaks.
"Don't say that. Sexuality is normal and healthy and the Church is terrible for making you feel ashamed over something like a boner, of all things." Dimitri is surprised. That was definitely not what he had expected from her. The urge to defend the Church arises in him, but he feels that that would not go over well with Edelgard. So he settles for silence as he wrestles over the implications of Edelgard's statement in his mind. She goes back to her paperwork, but after a few minutes, drops her pen and sighs.
"What? Spit it out," she says. "You keep fidgeting like you want to say something else and it's driving me crazy. Just say it, whatever it is."
Ah. Well, there had been a reason, after all, that he hadn't asked her on his own. But he felt emboldened by her demand, and the relief of her brushing off the soccer incident as something she wouldn't even think to try and shame him with.
"Have you..." he coughs. "Have you done it before then? Sex?" As soon as the words are out of his mouth he knows he's made a mistake in saying them. Edelgard fixes him with another one of her condescending and annoyed combo expressions.
"Why on earth would I answer that?" Dimitri immediately flushes bright red.
"Sorry. You're right, that was completely inappropriate of me. I just.... Sorry. Nevermind. I'm going to go now," he says, standing up from his chair and grabbing his bag. He walks out the door without looking back at Edelgard again.
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Sleep eludes him again that night, as he plays his conversation with Edelgard over and over in his mind. It was so tempting to take her words about sexuality being healthy and discard his guilt. And technically, he knew, she was right that sexual urges were normal. But the natural man was an enemy to God, according to the Bible. And just because something is normal doesn't mean it's good. Science may seem to indicate that it's "healthy" to act on sexual urges, but there were always so many factors, and science can't account for spiritual effects.
After he's had enough internal philosophical wrestling, his mind drifts back to how Edelgard had answered his last question. He wonders if her non-answer means she had had sex before and didn't want to either admit it or lie. But she would have been perfectly capable of lying to him, anyways. And she was right, it was a personal question anyways. Even if she was a virgin, she had no reason to tell him that either. Yet he can't stop thinking about it. Imagining Edelgard having sex. Wondering who it was, if she had done it before.
He groans out loud into his pillow. Sylvain lets out a mumble from across the room, but thankfully goes back to snoring after a moment. Why did he even care? It's her business. He needed to stop this whole being attracted to Edelgard thing. It was seriously becoming a problem. A thought, which, it turned out, his lower body had decided to emphasize. He was hard again.
Nope. Not this time. I am not going to masturbate while thinking of Edelgard again. Or at all. I'm going to sleep this off, and it'll be gone in the morning.
It takes him a while longer to fall asleep, but he manages to do so without touching himself again. But his victory over himself is remarkably short lived, as he realizes immediately upon waking up that he had had a wet dream. About Edelgard. About her tongue, her abs, what her naked body might look like. And it had been an amazing dream. Even in his half-awake, shame filled haze, he wanted to fall asleep again and go back to it.
I'm well and truly fucked, he thought.I can't deny it anymore. I can't stop thinking about her when I jerk off. I don't even need porn anymore if I'm fantasizing about her. She's invading my subconscious in my dreams, and my conscious mind every time I see her. I'm so attracted to her. I have it so bad. I am so fucked.