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Jennie takes a deep breath, wiping sweaty palms over the fabric of her jeans over and over until the skin hurt in certain places. She thinks this was better off than finding her heart in her throat and not having enough space for the words she wanted to say to flow through. Way, way better.
This is crazy, since when did Jennie Ruby Jane Kim fret over something as simple as trying to say “hi”?
The train was in a constant state of mumbled conversations from people that crowded it’s small, dingy spaces. It filled every known space with “hi’s” and “hello’s”, the usual “how are you’s” and every other type of conversation in between. Conversations that floated and used to make Jennie irritable.
Emphasis on “used” because if it wasn’t for that annoying brown haired girl that always got on the same station as hers and got off a station earlier -- she’d probably find herself rolling her eyes at every damn thing.
Jennie runs a hand through her hair and sees her sitting right across, doing the exact same thing she’s been doing for the past couple of months.
Don’t ask how Jennie knows, she wasn’t exactly subtle about it.
She looks up briefly, looking a little confused at the crowd around her; making Jennie smile and making her otherwise fidgety fingers calm down just long enough for them to stop playing with the tips of Jennie’s hair.
She looks cute, okay? She thinks of the same words again and again, trying to reason out with her own brain how it’s not rude to gawk at strangers when… she wasn’t entirely a stranger to Jennie at all. Does that make sense? No? It doesn’t stop Jennie from stealing glances until the other girl finds Jennie’s eyes among the packed crowd and gives her a small soft smile.
It starts out slow, little tingles that start from the tips of Jennie’s fingers and run across her arms, up and up until it reaches her heart, where they become tiny explosions that fill her chest cavities with a supernova of flurries and…
Shit, she's getting sappy --isn't she? Well tough luck, she doesn’t even understand why that’s happening, what’s happening or -- how? No, she knows how… remembers when this “how” started clearly in her mind. Remember and know it by heart.
Jennie wiggles in her seat a little too uncomfortably. Darting her eyes to the little girl in a high ponytail who was seated with her mother, trying her damnedest to focus on how the mother and daughter were laughing at the view of trees outside -- let’s be perfectly honest here, Jennie will look at anything. Anything and anywhere else but at the girl with brown hair, kind eyes, soft smile and bangs that sat opposite her.
It's the 100th day, she knows and Jennie figures it was time to say "hi" to her.
Day 1:
It was a humid summer morning and Jennie can't help but let out a gruff groan at every little thing that seemed to annoy her. There was a sizable amount of people at the station despite it not being rush hour and she figured it’s probably because of summer vacation or people just have lots of places to go to during the summer. Whatever, right? . The warm air filtered in, it was heavy and stuffy, and did nothing to help stop her from sweating.
“God I need another shower.” Jennie muttered under her breath as she tried to keep her mind from drifting off to corners which was bound to make her more irritable. She went on to fold the sleeves of her t-shirt, keeping them short and allowing her skin to breathe.
Jennie was running out of patience waiting for the train that got delayed by something she didn’t bother listening to when she noticed fumbling hands and a foot that kept tapping out an invisible rhythm beside her.
Her brown hair was tied in a ponytail and her bangs stuck to her forehead from the sweat, Jennie can’t help but notice her furrowed brows that peeked in between the clumps of hair and the slow building smile on her lips as she continuously worked -- no... the right word was, fumbled -- with the colored piece of paper in her hands. She folded and unfolded and twisted and turned until the smile on her face bloomed. Jennie didn’t realize she’d been staring that long until the other woman turned her attention towards her and winked.
“It’s pretty hot, yeah?” Her voice sounded as pretty as her. Sweet and free-flowing and if Jennie had enough sense in her jumbled up mind she would’ve answered something sarcastic back, but something about the woman’s smile was disarmingly warm and all Jennie could do was nod back even if she thinks the statement was stupid because duh, it was summer -- when was summer not hot?
“Here, for you.” She held out a hand and out of impulse Jennie reached out and held out her own, allowing the other woman to place a little paper star on her palm. This took Jennie by surprise and before she could ask the why’s , the other woman had walked past her with a little subdued chuckle that warmed Jennie’s cheeks as she boarded the train that settled on the railways and opened its doors to the morning commuters.
Jennie saw from the corner of her eyes that the other woman had put on earbuds and had her eyes closed as her head bobbed up and down along to whatever song she was listening to. Jennie can’t help but let out a breath she’d been keeping inside her, somewhat calming the little ripples in her chest that made the possibility of speaking rather hard.
Maybe tomorrow? She thinks, yeah, she can go and say “hi” tomorrow instead.
She finds the thought to be so funny and absurd she allowed a small laugh to bubble over earning her a glare from the man in a suit sitting beside her. Obviously her small laugh wasn’t as small as she thought.
Well….
Day 9:
Jennie knows she’d be there in a couple of minutes. She wasn’t paying that much attention, it was… just the simple fact that the other woman seemed to always find a way to arrive at the station fifteen minutes before eight.
Just like clockwork Jennie sees her tousled brown hair tucked in a beanie amongst the crowd. Jennie struggles with trying to look away and focusing her gaze on a bunch of announcement she wasn't really reading on station walls instead, because today -- she had specs on and Jennie finds a weird knot in her stomach that swirled and swirled and no amount of frowning was making it stop.
She was a foot away, looking left and right before she stopped trying and her shoulders drooped. Jennie thought the pout on her face was adorable and even though people were bustling here and there and it usually irked her when they bump against her in the process -- she realized she doesn’t care one bit at the moment. Not when the brown-haired woman locked gazes with her and waved.
“I was looking all over for you.” The pout was back, as she shouted against the mumbling and haze of conversation that littered the packed station. “Here…” She reached over a child's head, saying a soft sorry along with an apologetic smile at the kid before she dropped a yellow colored paper star on Jennie’s expectant hand.
“Good morning.” If a smile had a color, Jennie thinks hers was a sunflower yellow, enough to make the dark gray station morning burst into the same sunny morning the roof above them was hiding.
Jennie wanted to say good morning back but found the words stuck in between her chest and before she could find the voice to say them back, the woman was already running off towards the open train doors.
Day 13:
By now, Jennie was a little ashamed to admit she kept a glass jar on top of her bedside table that was slowly being filled with colorful little paper stars. It wasn’t like her at all and she find the thought of it a little too out of character, but hey the paper stars were pretty and it made her day a little brighter.
Jennie was getting accustomed to the warm stuffy heat that this summer was so intent at keeping. She was wearing a floral dress that made the heat a little more bearable. She was beginning to get drowsy, the warmth was making it hard to keep her eyes from faliing.
“You look absolutely beautiful today.” Her voice was like silk and if Jennie wasn’t too tired this morning she would’ve had the strength to say thank you and smile back, except the woman’s gentle smile was making it hard for Jennie to concentrate. “Something to complement your lovely dress.” Out of habit Jennie held out her palm and looked at the tiny crimson paper star drop.
Before she could wrack her stupid mind to action, Jennie’s soft thank you got lost in the sea of murmurs in the crowd and probably bounced off of the strange woman’s back as she made her way through the crowd and into the train.
It was almost 9:30am and Jennie knows she’ll be off the train soon and out into wherever she was headed for the day; everyday. She takes another deep breath that fills her lungs with her perfume and hopes that it was enough to get her to stand and take the empty seat beside the woman and say hi.
Jennie knows it’s a bit odd, knowing that she wasn’t really this shy around people, hell she could talk to anybody she wants without any problems but yet… here she was … glued to her fucking seat and feeling like jelly inside; all because the woman had a beautiful smile and such gentle eyes and…
Day 23:
Jennie doesn’t know why she was extremely pissed off that day, It could have been the fact she woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or the fact that it was hotter today than it was compared the other past few days, or it was the extremely irritating flow of chatter all around her that seemed to grate on her nerves and made her temples twitch as a growing migraine creeped its way to make her morning even worse.
The collar of her shirt stuck to the back of her neck, and she was close to going off at the next person that looked at her direction. She heard shuffling of feet beside her that made her draw a deep breath and turn to give whoever the unfortunate stranger was her signature Jennie Kim glare when she faltered.
“You seem to be in a pretty bad mood today, huh?”
She was standing there in front of Jennie, with a lopsided smile that fell between the fringes of looking awkward and worried, one hand inside the pocket of her shorts.
“Would this make your day a little better perhaps?” Jennie heard the slight hesitance in her voice and it was enough to make her nod. This made the woman smile wide, pulling something from her pockets and on instinct Jennie knew what happened next. A lavender paper star fell on her clammy palms and upon looking up the woman was already on her way towards the train.
It was weird really, how Jennie finds herself too caught up at looking at the little details; the mole beneath her eye and the way her smile would end up from ear to ear and how she’d slightly look away when the paper star dropped and how her steps looked more hurried whenever she walked away.
Day 33:
Sometimes Jennie thinks it’s all a dream, something her heat-bogged mind was conjuring as a means to help with her not losing her mind over her extreme annoyance at the heat -- but every night she’d take a quick look at the growing pile inside her glass jar and knows that everything’s real.
The train was delayed again and she figures if anything -- now would be the perfect time to strike a conversation with the pretty stranger. She could only imagine what particular thoughts might’ve graced her mind when for 33 straight days she’d been giving Jennie those beautiful paper stars she has yet to speak a single word.
Jennie was pulled from her thoughts when she sees the familiar beanie among the crowd and finds it an annoying habit she can’t seem to shake off; watching her stop on the station stairs and find her fumbling over a blue piece of paper, resuming to walk only when she was done.
Alright it’s now or never Jennie Kim -- just say hi and ask why she’s going through so much trouble making all these little stars every morning. You can fucking do it woman.
Except she can’t.
Not when she sees a flustered smile, hears the hasty good morning and her usual hope you’re having a wonderful day today, Sees the star on her hands and her retreating figure going against bodies till she reaches the front of the line and all Jennie Kim could think was: shit.
Jennie won’t lie that she considered the thought that she was indeed just a product of her imagination , but everytime her mind drifts off to that particular thought she’s provided with more and more evidence that the woman exists.
Especially now that she was, in her absolute dorky way, was giving the little child in front of her funny faces and laughing every time the kid laughed. Something about it makes Jennie’s heart quiver and she finds the same swirls from her stomach work their way to her chest, and it makes Jennie smile. Not really minding the annoying way the man beside her was taking up more space than he should. No, nothing bad today can take away the budding little spark of happiness that was swirling in her chest.
Day: 44
Summer was reaching its peak and there were fewer people in the station, most of which opted to take taxis to avoid the crowd and the unnecessary heat. Jennie was considering the same thing, and internally groaned at choosing not to -- just cause, she didn’t want to miss out on seeing her and getting another paper star,
What is it with her and stars anyway? What is it with her to begin with?
Jennie dabbed on her nose with a handkerchief.
“Hey…”
Her voice felt cool and if Jennie wasn’t too stuck at trying to keep herself from staring at her hazel eyes that looked like cognac whenever light hit it she would've had the sense to say hey back.
“You should bring water along, cause… uhhh.. It’s getting hotter and hotter each day.”
This was the longest… conversation? Was it considered one when only one party was doing the talking and the other one staring stupidly at how beautiful she looked with wide rimmed glasses. Yeah, fuck it. The longest conversation they’ve had and all Jennie could do was smile awkwardly and shrug her shoulders.
“Oh, uhh… here -- figured this color was cooler and yanno, not as warm looking as the rest. So yeah. Have a good one, yeah?”
She reached out and for the first time in almost two months they’ve shared the same space together -- their hands grazed and Jennie finds herself wondering at the weird explosions that made her cheeks burn. She sees the corners of her lips work its way to a smile, and doesn’t wait for the woman to leave. Jennie turns on her heels and walks towards the door, the woman’s laughter making her chuckle and the people around her to look at her with questioning eyes.
Jennie has had everything figured out, when the jar was halfway filled and even despite knowing the truth, and knowing that the truth would, should, and could set one free. She learns that not all truths can, to be perfectly honest -- and she learns this the hard way.
Day 51:
Summer was dying down and Jennie was feeling perkier than she'd ever been. Not because she knows a certain brown haired woman with the brightest smile would come bringing another paper star but Autumn being almost here and the hot weather was soon coming to an end.
She had earbuds on this time, something to drown out the noise around her and the perfect music to envelop her and ensure the perkiness stays for the remainder of the day.
Jennie forgets all about certain paper stars and boards the train, sitting close to the door and her head against the rail.
She sees a flurry of gray and looks up just in time to see a white paper star falling on her lap and the woman's wink as she takes the seat across Jennie. She wanted to smile back, anything at all at this point to acknowledge how much she finds the paper star fiasco so amusing -- but finds more and more people scrambling inside and the only thing she could see was her hand and her watch in between bodies that made Jennie feel farther than just the normal 10 ft distance in between.
It's just a silly old crush and yet Jennie still finds herself too scared… to walk up and just talk and say a bloody thank you for filling up her jar with stars that made the sleeping at night come easier and the anxiousness over a new day less and less prominent.
She looks back at her, across the almost empty train and finds her looking back at Jennie. Holding her gaze with the softest eye and it was more than enough for Jennie to take a wobbly stand (more from embarrassment rather than the train moving) and walk towards her.
Just say thank you, before she gets tired of making paper stars for you.
Day 67:
Autumn was officially here and Jennie has her favorite gray jacket on. Something to keep her just warm enough. Jennie kept playing with the little flaps that cover the pockets and doesn't realize the woman standing beside her giving her an amused smile.
"You don't really like the hot weather, do you?" It was more of a whisper but it felt loud enough that it made Jennie jump and give a surprised oh!
"Didn't mean to scare you…" she reached out and placed the star on Jennie's outstretched palm, "lovely jacket, it makes your eyes stand out more...and you have such pretty eyes."
Jennie's breath hitched and for the 67th time finds herself grasping at words and not knowing what to say. The words felt warm and it felt like a hug and Jennie finds herself mumbling, the woman was smiling expectantly and she wanted to kick herself for making her wait over nothing. Just cause her stupid brain decides to malfunction every time she looks at her.
"Well, you take care." She whispers and Jennie nods.
Jennie falls on the seat awkwardly beside her on the train and she finds the same hazel brown eyes looking more honeyed than it usually does and something beneath the gaze felt light. Light enough to calm the little jumbled up butterflies that made her chest their permanent home.
"Hey…" her voice was as soft as her eyes and Jennie tries to breathe slowly, trying to even out the thump thump's in her chest. Enough for her to answer back a shaky "Hey to you too…"
The woman chuckles and it sends another wave of warmth all over Jennie's body.
"Thank God, Hi… hi…. I'm… my name's Lisa."
Day 78:
Just a quarter more and her glass jar would be filled. Jennie finds herself wondering late at night what all of this mean and if… the woman would ever tire of folding and unfolding, twisting and turning little patches of colored paper into stars, someday…
Jennie finds herself stealing little glances beside her to see if the woman was already there and finds disappointment after disappointment the closer the clock ticked its way to nine in the morning.
Maybe she was right, about her already getting tired of giving someone who wasn't even talking to her stars everyday.
Jennie boarded the train with a heavy heart, and tried to keep her gaze fixed on the view of the railway walls outside the window. The train wasn't moving yet as the conductor called out for final passengers.
She's taken out of her thoughts when she hears light panting in front of her making her look up.
"Woooh, it's… uh… a ...a good thing I was able to catch the train… good… morning." She was catching her breath and breathing out the words in between as she held on the rail, a couple of inches away from Jennie.
"I uh… here… for today."
A peach star tumbled from her grasp and into Jennie's palm.
"You should… uh… smile more."
Jennie was a bit taken aback by the statement and wanted to ask more except she finds herself voiceless. She was getting tired about it, frustrated enough she bit the inside of her cheeks. Settling on nodding instead and finding the woman's attention was no longer on her but on the people in front of her.
Lisa…
She rolls the name again and again inside her mouth, trying to allow herself to get accustomed to the name.
"Je... Jennie."
Great, she was fucking stuttering… smooth Jennie… smooth
"It's nice to finally have the name to the face." She was chuckling and it made Jennie grin. "It's even nicer to see you smile like that."
A weird silence falls between them, before Jennie finds her voice again.
"Yours is prettier."
"Huh?"
"Your smile… it's uh, prettier."
This time Lisa laughs, and Jennie finds the same laughter bubbling over, sensing delicious waves of tingles to the tips of her nose.
"Yeah? Well… I find looking at you makes my day brighter and what better way to say thank you to a stranger who refused to talk to you but to smile?"
Day 81:
Okay, she probably thinks you're a weirdo. Who wouldn't? When all Jennie did was nod and smile back awkwardly whenever she tried to make small talk and smiled and gave her her daily does of happiness in the form of a paper star.
She stopped, beside Jennie. Brows furrowed in folding the final touches to the star and handing it out with a tired looking smile.
"Here."
Was all Jennie heard from her that day as she walked towards the open train doors.
"I wasn't…"
"I know, I was just teasing you silly. I realized I like your laugh too."
Jennie finds the same warmth creeping up to her cheeks and her eyes looking away. Not because she was shy, but because Lisa's gaze was heavy with an emotion Jennie can't read.
"I like yours too…" she whispered.
"You do?"
Jennie nodded and took a deep breath.
"Why were you giving me all those paper stars?"
Lisa looked back at her and smiled. Jennie finds herself melting inside.
"Well… Jen-Jen…"
Day 99:
Jennie thinks now should be the time, scratch that , it's more like -- it's now or never. It was either she say something or hit herself on the head for being such an awkward wussy and Jennie Ruby Jane Kim was no wussy.
She strides just in time to take Jennie away from her drowning thoughts and squashing every sense of fear and panic with her smile.
"I hope I'm not scaring or weirding you out with all these stars…"
Jennie finds herself almost choking on the answer.
"Forget it…" she smiles awkwardly, giving Jennie a sad smile. "I'm really sorry for invading your space every morning… I… never mind… see you again,I guess?"
She drops the purple star gently on Jennie's palm and walks away.
Jennie's heart jumped at the nickname and she finds herself smiling widely at Lisa who sees the change in Jennie's demeanor, chuckling-- her nose scrunching adorably before continuing.
"It's for a daily wish… that you always have the best of days every day. My own little way of wishing nothing but the best for you…"
Jennie knows she's blushing and she finally understands the look on Lisa's eyes. It's the same truth she was keeping inside her.
Out of impulse she reaches out and places a quick kiss on Lisa's cheeks. Her own way of saying thank you.
"Thank you…"
"Would you...uh, would you like to go grab some hot chocolate with me sometime? I can uh,make you more of those stars…" Lisa's usually confident voice faltered and it made Jennie smile.
Jennie finds a flustered Lisa even more adorable.
"I'd love to."
"That's great."
"I'm glad I finally talked to you…"
"Took you 100 paper stars to do so!"
Lisa whined and Jennie laughed and she thinks this was perfect. Thinking about the 100p paper stars and how it always found a way to draw her towards Lisa.