Archive of Our Own

There was a boy asleep at Kenma’s table.

Every day for two years Kenma came to the same coffee shop in between classes; Old Crows Cafe, known just as Crows by it’s regulars. He liked it because out of all the places to get coffee, it was the spot furthest from campus, which was optimal, but not so isolated that he would stand out if spotted. He could comfortably study or play games for as long as he needed, preferably at his favorite table right in the back, next to two electrical outlets. 

That day, like every other day, he'd hoped to spend the next two hours playing Animal Crossing. He figured he could maybe squeeze in an extra hour since his workload was light for once. He’d order his normal dark roast and shut out the real world, like always. 

Only there was a boy fast asleep, mouth wide open, at his table. 

It was impossible not to stop and stare, just a litte. It wasn't the first time someone took his spot. Obviously, it happens. But typically those people were faceless NPCs in his head, clacking away on their keyboards or rambling to someone on their phone. He'd accept his loss and find another seat and that was that. But it was different this time, the way he couldn’t look away from the boy, how his sleeping face was already etched into his head after a few seconds. It was like starting a new game and immediately knowing who the hero is going to be. 

Suddenly Kenma felt very warm. 

Well, hero or NPC, it didn't really matter. Kenma still needed to find a different seat. Preferably one where he could face away from the boy, rather than steal glances. 

He looked around and willed himself to forget about it. Tomorrow he’d walk in and it would be like nobody had ever been in his seat at all. All the weird thoughts about random napping heros would cease.  

But for some heinous reason, the shop was filled to the brim with people. It was never that busy. Even weirder, most of the patrons weren't even ordering anything, and yet they were taking up nearly every seat. 

There was an empty chair by the window, but it was just a little too close to the end of the counter where everyone liked to stand and wait for their orders. He couldn’t risk getting pulled into small talk with people who talked just to fill the time. Nothing against them; in fact, he was friends with a few people like that. They just weren’t the kind of company he wanted to keep during his downtime. 

His eyes flickered back to his table, at the empty seat across from the red-headed boy. 

Well if he had to sit close to some stranger, an unconscious one is the best way to go. He quietly set his bag down on the edge of the table furthest away from him, and anxiously stepped away to place his order. 

While he waited for his name to be called, he eyed the boy warily. The initial charm had started to wear off a little now that he was forced to share that space. What kind of person just passes out in public like this? Kenma couldn't imagine letting his guard down that much. 

The boy’s hair was wild, a few cowlicks poking out in random directions. He had one arm stretched all the way over the table, the other folded underneath his cheek like a pillow, collecting a pool of drool.

But despite the boy's chaotic appearance, the more he looked at him the more he relaxed. It was strange. Kenma almost felt drawn to him as if he was a potential party member in whatever quest the hero was about to embark on, destined to aid the boy on their journey. What would await them?

This hero was the easy going type clearly, considering he could lower his defenses like that. It might be fun, being a support unit for that kind of character. 

The idea of it was so enticing that Kenma indulged in a little daydreaming. 

The coffee shop transformed into a guild before his eyes; the menu became a bulletin covered in wanted posters, the aesthetic modern art paintings warped into shields, swords, and armor. The lights dimmed, all except the light shining above the brave hero who would wake up and decide that Kenma was the perfect fit for his future party of adventurers. Together they would take down the corrupted evil in the land and save the day. 

"Kozume!" called the barista, shocking Kenma out of his daze. And just like that, the guild disappeared and he could feel the blood rushing into his cheeks as he swiftly retrieved his drink. 

What was up with him?

He shouldn't have been staring at a total stranger so intensely. What would Kuroo say? Actually, nevermind. He knew what Kuroo would say, and that just made him feel more embarrassed, and also annoyed. The obvious solution was to just ignore the boy, as he initially planned when he first walked in. He pulled out his console and focused on the game in front of him, not some make believe adventure in his head. 

Games like this were perfect to kill time. There was enough to do to get into it, but you could take it easy and stop whenever. About an hour went by and he'd almost forgotten that he wasn't alone at his table until he heard "Wow! Your island is incredible!" 

His fingers froze over the joycons and he turned his head slowly. Brown eyes locked with his own and he could do nothing but look away nervously. When exactly had the boy woken up? How long was he…

"Is that fun?" 

Kenma blinked. "Uh." He looked down at his Switch, then back at the boy who was even closer than he was a few moments ago, and finally settled on staring at the wall. "It's good for killing time, I guess," he answered softly. 

Nodding like what he said made enough sense, the boy yawned and rubbed his eyes with his sleeves. "I...didn't mean to...fall asleep." He stretched his arms out and Kenma noticed the indents in his skin from the edge of the table and decided to focus on those rather than the exposed skin now visible under the t-shirt. "I'm Hinata Shouyo, by the way! Nice to meet you." 

"Um," Kenma murmured, taken aback by the sheer force of light radiating from him, "Kozume…" He saw the boy's –Hinata Shouyo's– eyes widen as if he was waiting for more. "Kozume Kenma." 

"Do you come here a lot, Kenma?" 

He was caught off guard by the sound of his name from the strangers mouth, but it wasn't a bad feeling. He kind of liked how his name sounded when he said it. 

"Almost every day."

His smile was a solar beam. "Cool!" 

Unsure what to say to say next, Kenma slowly shifted his attention back to the game. If they kept talking, it would only take a few seconds for Hinata to realize he wasn't the best conversationalist, and he'd either get up and  leave or pretend Kenma didn't exist. The game would make things less awkward for both of them. This tactic was his go-to in these situations and typically it was a relief to be ending the conversation, but a knot had formed in his gut this time and he frowned. 

Another reason to avoid the attention of others; it hurts when they decide you aren't interesting enough to keep it. 

"Can I watch?" 

Kenma blinked, noticing that there was even less space between them than before. Shouyo was leaning over the table to get a peak at his switch. "Okay," he said before his brain could process it, and that one word wasn't even all the way out of Kenma's mouth before Shouyo jumped out of his seat and  plopped down next to him, so close their legs were practically touching, seemingly unbothered at being so close to a complete stranger.

Kenma couldn't relate. 

Shouyo watched him play and didn't speak for a long time, but his body was anything but quiet. His hands traced circles on the table and he shifted in his seat nearly every two minutes. His eyes were focused though,  glued to Kenma's screen as if he were the one playing. The hyper awareness that had sprouted inside him at the thought of someone looking over his shoulder dispelled and eventually he stopped caring. 

In fact, he was a little disappointed when it was time for him to go. 

“Bye,” he said, after packing up his stuff, wondering if he should say more. 

“Bye Kenma! See you later!”

“Yeah,” he replied, giving a small smile before walking away. He wouldn’t mind it if they crossed paths again, but he wouldn’t bank on it. It was the middle of the semester and he had never seen him before. And like many of the other guests, he didn't have a coffee. 

He doubted Shouyo was another regular. 

He wished his hero good luck and went to class. 

x

"You're back!" 

Kenma wasn't exactly a man of many words, but he was rarely rendered speechless. Now, as he eyed the boy behind the counter with the same bright smile as yesterday plastered on his face, wearing an apron and a 'Hi! I'm new!' pin on his uniform, he couldn't find the words to express himself. 

"Are you surprised to see me, Kenma? " The way he proudly emphasized each syllable made it hard for Kenma to look him in the eye. Talk about embarrassing. 

"Shouyo," he responded quietly, before his entire face scrunched up.. He realized he hadn't actually said his name out loud  yesterday. Even when he packed up and said goodbye he only waved,  wondering if he'd ever actually see him again. 

"You remember!" 

"It's only been one day." 

Shouyo laughed. "But it still makes me happy! So, what can I get for you?" 

An explanation would be nice, although with the clues he'd been given and a little bit of critical thinking, he could come up with one. All those people yesterday loitering must have been candidates for open interviews. And the boy asleep at his table must have been one of them. 

Shouyo listened intently to his order, struggling a little with the touch screen. His tongue stuck out in concentration and Kenma couldn't stifle a chuckle. 

“Hey! I got this! Just watch!”

“I believe you,” he said back, and was rewarded with another dazzling smile. 

“Hinata, you dumbass! There is a line! Hurry up!” Another cashier walked up and towered over Shouyo, glaring at the both of them. “I’m so sorry, sir. He’s new,” he said, taking over. 

“You can’t expect me to get it overnight, Kageyama.”

“Whatever,” the glowering cashier said, finishing up and putting on a forced smile. “Thank you for your patience. Next order please!”

And just like that, Kenma was pulled out of his weird, bright bubble. Shouyo continued trying to take orders and didn’t have time to give Kenma another glance. But that was to be expected. 

His table was empty and the hours went by the same way they always did, the previous day not included. Give or take a few unwelcome impulses to look over and see how a certain barista was doing, it was a normal day. 

Shouyo seemed to be getting the hang of it, since the scary cashier stopped smothering him. It was good for Shouyo and the customers, but bad for Kenma. The problem was the easier it got for Shouyo, the more he smiled. And the more he smiled, the more Kenma couldn’t look away. 

Involuntarily his shoulders slumped when he snuck another glance and Shouyo wasn’t anywhere to be found. Maybe his shift was over? Oh well. 

“Is this seat taken?”

Kenma’s stomach tilted. There he was, hands on his hips and a grin that took up his entire face. 

“No.”

“I’m sooooooo tired,” he said, his words slowly morphing into a yawn as he sat down across from Kenma. “Thank goodness for breaks!”

“It’s your first day. You’ll get used to it.”

Shouyo nodded, resting his head on the table. “No Animal Crossing today?”

“No. Just homework.”

“Too bad,” he said into another drowsy yawn. “I really liked watching you play.”

Kenma’s cheeks surely were turning red, and he was once again at a loss for words, so he returned his attention to the computer and reminded himself he couldn’t afford to get too distracted. He had volleyball practice later and a streaming session after that. 

But even a quiet Shouyo could mess up his concentration. He peeked over the top of his laptop and let out a breathless laugh. 

Shouyo was asleep. Again. Incredible. 

Because he knew it wouldn't be heard, Kenma said “You’re really something." 

X

“Can you believe how much Kageyama yelled at me yesterday? It’s not like I meant to fall asleep!”

For the third day in a row, he was sitting with Shouyo. He listened to him complain about his coworker, who apparently was even scarier than Kenma originally thought. 

Yesterday when Shouyo fell asleep, rather than wake him up, despite suspecting that his lunch break had come and gone, he used it as an opportunity to take a closer look. And after careful consideration, he concluded that this guy not only emitted a light of his own, but had reflectors for skin. Everything about him was shiny and bright and if Kenma was a plant, he'd face Shouyo rather than the sun. He was beautiful, and Kenma wondered what he’d done to earn such casual friendliness from someone like that when he was positive any light of his was as dim as an old candle in a cave. 

He wondered if that was why he was undeniably drawn to him. Was it because he had what Kenma lacked? Or was it something more than that? 

When the bossy barista slammed his hand down right next to Shouyo’s face to wake him up, Kenma was relieved. He didn't want to think about it anymore. 

“WAKE UP, DUMBASS!”  Bossy Barista shouted, causing Shouyo to jump up with a shout. 

“WHAT THE HECK, KAGEYAMA?” Then he must have realized where he was, because he shrank down and shoved his face in his hands. “Oh no! I fell asleep!”

Kenma just stared, shocked at their lack of decorum. All eyes were on them and if that wasn’t bad enough, the manager had stepped out and decided to join in too, telling the two boys that if they didn’t stop fighting that they’d have to close the entire cafe by themselves for a week. 

“Sorry, Daichi,” they both said with a bow. Kageyama sent one last glare Shouyo’s way before walking off. 

“He’s so cranky,” he grumbled, glancing at Kenma who quickly found his homework very interesting. “Sorry about that! I should be more careful.”

“I’ll wake you up next time,” Kenma blurted out without thinking. It was a presumptuous thing for him to say, like he was expecting it to happen. Honestly, he wanted it to happen. He wouldn't mind if if kept happening. But he didn't tell Shouyo that. 

“Really? Thanks!” 

He wasn’t sure if his words were the reason they sat together again the next day, or if it would have ended up that way regardless, but he was happy. 

They talked a little while Kenma worked on his assignments. It turned out that Shouyo got the job at Crow’s through Kageyama, who he had gone to high school with. 

“Are you a university student?” Kenma asks. 

“Nope! I’m saving up to go to Brazil.”

That was not an answer Kenma expected.  “Wow. Why Brazil?”

“Volleyball!” Shouyo beamed. “There’s a program there that I absolutely have to go to. I’ve been saving up since the end of my third year, but it’s hard to find jobs that can work around my tight practice schedule. But then I joined this amazing community team, and my coach’s family owns this place so it’s perfect. Most of us here actually are on the team. The manager is even our captain!”

A shiver jolted through Kenma's body, thrilled to have this new information. He had a list of things things he wanted to say, and could practically see the dialogue options floating in front of him. 

Press A for “No kidding? What position do you play?”

Press B for “That’s insane. Why beach volleyball?”

Press △ for “How are you real? Like honestly, how do you exist in this timeline? Every day you shock me and I hope you never stop.”

Instead, he just said, “That's cool.” 

“You look like you’re holding back! What, surprised because I’m so short?”

“Huh? No, not really. I don’t really think height is a big deal in volleyball. Sure it’s convenient, but relying on height alone is a strategic....” He stopped, silenced by the look on Shouyo's face. “Um, are you okay?”

“Kenmaaaa” he belted out, his smile too dazzling to look at head on and eyes hungry in a way Kenma hadn't seen before. “You can't believe how happy that makes me. And wow! It sounds like like you know a bit about volleyball.”

“Oh,” he mumbled, suddenly nervous. “Well…I…” he started to say, but was drowned out by a voice so loud it practically made the coffee in his cup rattle. 

“YO HINATA!” shouted a man walking into the shop, accompanied by a few other guys following behind him. “Get me a freakin’ coffee!” He added with a shit eating grin. For a second, Kenma wondered if his roommate had shaved off his mohawk and developed a country drawl overnight, but no. This guy was no Yamamoto. 

One of the others with him jumped out from behind, arms in the air, nearly knocking over a table. “SHOUUYOOO! CONGRATS ON THE NEW JOB!! DON'T GET FIRED, OKAY!!”

When the third person stepped out, everyone in the entire building seemed to tense for another loud voice, but instead he simply grabbed the two loud guys by the back of their collars and gave them a look Kenma would have hated to have directed at him. “Will you two cut it out? We can’t go anywhere, I swear.”

From behind the counter, one of the baristas muttered “Thanks, Ennoshita,” and just like that, the atmosphere returned to normal. Things were calm. 

But then it looked like they were going to join them, and Kenma tensed up. He hadn’t been prepared for this and if he was being truthful he didn’t want to share Shouyo’s company. He liked his attention, his light being aimed at him. 

Thankfully, the shorter one stopped and elbowed the Yamamoto clone, giving him a sly smile. For a second it looked like he was eyeing Kenma, and the group found another table. He let out a relieved sigh. 

It wasn’t a long respite however, when he realized Shouyo would probably get up and go sit with them. They seemed to be friends.  Kenma was just doing homework. Shouyo had no reason –and no obligation– to stay with Kenma for the remainder of his break. 

The jealousy lit him up from the inside out, turning his feelings for Shouyo into something like melted wax, hot and sticky. He tried to smother it, but like wax, his feelings only hardened. 

“You can go sit with them,” he said. ( Don’t go.) 

“Nah, I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to spend time with you.”

That shook him up so much that he never got around to telling Shouyo that he played volleyball too. 

x

Every day after that his eyes shot towards the counter as soon as he walked in, looking for Shouyo. 

He didn't catch him on his break every day, but when he did, the spot was always open, and Shouyo always took it. But even on the busier days when he could only spare a wave and a smile, he made an effort to catch Kenma's attention. At first it was slightly nerve-wracking, but eventually his interactions with the boy in the coffee shop became an essential part of his daily routine. 

So when he walked in one Thursday afternoon and there was no sign of him, of course his chest tightened. 

Instead, a new girl he didn’t recognize, who was blonde and full of anxiety, rung him up. He could tell by the way she stuttered that she thought he was eyeing the staff room because he wanted to talk to a manager, but really he was just waiting (hoping) that a smiling barista with orange fluffy hair would step out. 

He didn't, and the open seat at their table remained empty until he left.

The following day, he was relieved step inside and find freckles and a friendly face

Not so casually, he said "Where were you yesterday?" and then immediately regretted it.

The question came out embarrassingly clingy, enough to make Kenma cringe. This guy didn't owe him an answer. They barely knew eachother. They weren't friends. They were two people who mutually enjoyed eachothers company on their breaks. 

And if Kenma had a small, harmless crush on him, it didn't matter because they weren't anything to eachother. Not really. He was allowed a fleeting crush on the barista at his coffee shop.

 Hinata didn't seem bothered by it though. If anything, he looked happy. "Did you miss me?" 

Kenma didn't answer, and dived straight into his coffee order. He got something different, not because he wanted to switch it up, but because Shouyo already knew his usual, which meant Kenma stopped audibly ordering it a couple visits ago. It would be an obvious deflection if chose to do so now. 

"Got it,"  Shouyo said, and Kenma thought he'd successfully avoided the question until a coy smile was aimed at him followed by "I missed you too." 

Kenma went on pretending his crush wasn't debilitating. 

x

It was the weekend. A free weekend. 

Weekends were for sleeping in after a long night of streaming. They weren't for waking up before the sun was even out because your so called best friend won't quit blowing up your phone, and then showing up three hours later complaining that you went back to sleep, even though it's your right. 

"Tell me again why you forced me out of the comforts of my bed?" Kenma grumbled. 

Kuroo was unfazed by his attitute. "Because you need to get some fresh air. Feel the sun on your skin. Work those muscles in a practice game!"

"We don't have practice today. I had plans."  

"Uh-huh, I'm sure. Doing what? What time did you go to sleep last night, anyway? You need a full night of sleep for a healthy lifestyle."

"That's what long mornings are for…" Kenma mumbled, rolling his eyes. "And you didn't answer my question." 

"Yeah, I did. Vitamin D." 

"No. I want the real answer. Why a sudden saturday practice?" 

Kuroo's eyes gleamed, and it was the way his smile was slightly sheepish, slightly amused, that told Kenma everything he needed to know. He groaned. "Who is he?" 

Not surprised at all he'd he'd been read like a book, Kuroo said "My biology tutor. I need to find out if he's single." 

"Your... your what?" If there was anything Kuroo didn't need, it was a tutor. Especially in his own field of study. "Why are you…" Oh. "I hate you." 

Kuroo laughed. "If you were in my position, you'd understand." 

Kenma ignored him and move on. No one knew about his little crush, and he intended to keep it that way. It wasn't worth mentioning, anyway. "What does your tutor have to do with forcing me to play volleyball?" 

Kuroo's eyes widened like he'd forgotten the best part of his explanation. "Ah yes. He's on a team of his own, so I figured we could meet up for an extra practice,— whoa. Don't look at me like that. It's terrifying." 

Even though practice was technically canceled, the volleyball team still had access to the court, for those who didn't want to go a day without it. Kenma would never understand. 

Of course his roommate, Yamamoto, was there getting all pumped up. When he saw Kenma he shouted. "All riiiiight! The gang's all here." 

Kenma walked straight to the locker room without so much as a second glance, mumbling to himself about best friends who drag him out to play just so they can flirt. 

When he finished changing, there were a few new faces trickling on in. He saw Kuroo throw his arm lazily around a lanky blonde who looked just as resigned as Kenma felt. That must be the tutor. 

He very pointedly looked away when Kuroo waved him over. 

"Don't ignore me, Kenma!" he shouted and Kenma wanted to crawl into a hole. He blew out a defeated breath and slowly walked towards his friend, whose stupid grin was plastered proudly across his face. 

"You're creepy when you smile like that," he told him. 

The tutor snickered. 

"Kenma, meet Tsukki. Tsukki, meet–"

"Kenma?!"

Everything stopped: his thoughts, his breathing, his movements. He knew that voice. That voice didn't belong here. Did a lightning bolt come down and strike him? One hit instant K.O.? 

Shouyo appeared in front of him like a blur,  mouth wide open. He looked Kenma up and down slowly, and loudly said "You play volleyball?" 

He didn't— couldn't answer right away. His mind was still trying to process exactly what was happening. He blinked slowly, making sure he wasn't hallucinating. 

Kuroo brought him out of his trance, hand on his shoulder to steady him. "Oi. Kenma. Friend of yours?" 

"Uh," he started, at a loss for words, glancing at Shouyo as if he would jump in and answer that question, but he seemed just as curious to hear whatever Kenma was going to say. "Yeah." 

But it didn't feel true. 

Friend? Kuroo was his friend. Yamamoto was his friend (although he'd never say that to his face.) He got along well with his lab partner, Akaashi. He considered them friends. 

But Shouyo was...the boy from the coffee shop. He existed in an entirely different realm of existence. Kenma was attracted to him, but that was fine, because their relationship started and ended at their table. He didn't need to worry about complicating things with his feelings, because there was nothing to complicate. 

If they were friends, he was in danger of really messing things up. Blood rushed to his head. 

And Kuroo was like a shark in the water. "Oho! Well, well. Please introduce me to your friend, Kenma."

He wanted to disappear. "Shouyo is a barista at Crows." 

Shouyo grinned. "Kenma is my favorite regular. Sometimes he even lets me watch him play games during my breaks, but I always lose track of time and get scolded." He paused to stare at Kenma again, before adding "I can't believe you didn’t tell me you play! What position are you?" 

"S–setter." 

"You would be a setter, wouldn't you," Shouyo says affectionately, half sighing. And then, as if he hadn't meant to say that out loud, he covered his mouth with his hand. Kuroo tried to muffle his laughter with his arm. 

Kenma decided to ignore the whole thing, too embarrassed and overwhelmed to think about it,  and said "What about you?" 

It was the right move. Hinata perked up and enthusiastically said "Middle Blocker!"

"Barely," mumbled Tsukki, with a smirk. 

"I heard that, noodle-shima."

"Why you–"

It was jarring to see Shouyo in a different element. He watched silently as the two bickered. He'd seen him go back and forth with Kageyama, but usually that was because Shouyo blundered at work. These two were just going at it for the hell of it.

So this was the boy in the coffeeshop outside of the coffeeshop. 

Kenma was rather distracted during practice. 

x

For better or for worse, their relationship changed after that. Seeing eachother in the wild, it opened a door, and despite knowing how dangerous that could be, Kenma did nothing to stop it. 

On monday, his cup had a phone number on it next to a poorly drawn volleyball and TEXT ME written underneath it in big letters. 

x

"How," Kenma half hissed, half choked, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his forearm, "are you still standing?" 

They'd been practicing for hours, and for a boy who slept so much at work, Shouyo sure was an energizer bunny half-demon on the court. 

It was too much. 

"I just can't help it. If there's a ball being set for me I'm going to spike it!" Shouyo said it like a catch-phrase, thumb on his chest, eyes hazy. "Especially your sets. Your sets are completely new to me. I'm so used to waaa bummm! But your tosses are more like haaa tsss! It's so you. I like them." 

Kenma groaned, and willed away all the butterflies in his stomach fluttering around because if the compliment. No amount of praise from the sunshine boy was going to make him put up any more balls. No way.  He pulled a hair tie off his wrist and started pulling his hair back into a bun.  "Well I," he paused, taking a breath, "am done now. Not everyone can have the stats of some hidden secret boss monster." 

He expected Shouyo to laugh but still beg for one last set (which would actually turn into at least five,) but his friend was oddly quiet. He peeked through the loose hairs hanging over his eyes. 

“Shouyo, you’re staring.”

“I uh!” He scratched the back of his head, nervously. “I’ve never seen you wear your hair up! You look good.”

You look good.  

He mulled over those words for the rest of the night. They were all he could think about. What did they mean? He even dreamt about them. He dreamt about the face he was making when he said it.

He woke up gripping the sheets, traces of a phantom touch on his skin. 

His harmless crush had become a wrecking ball and he was terrified of it. 

When he met Hinata Shouyo, he was drawn to him because he reminded him of an rpg hero, a source of endless light. But quickly he was drawn to him simply because he was Shouyo. And it wasn’t just intrigue, or admiration. It wasn't friendship. It wasn't just a crush. 

He had real, undeniable feelings for Shouyo. 

x  

Realizing he had those intense feelings for Shouyo was both terrifying and exhilarating. 

One one hand, He couldn't stop smiling to himself. There were nights spent constantly on the phone talking about everything and nothing, waking up to text messages full of exclamation marks and emojis, it was all so new and welcome. He’d never appreciated those kinds of moments from anyone else. He started looking forward to things he never cared about before, because he knew he could tell Shouyo about it. 

On the other hand, sometimes he would overthink things to the point where he wanted to cry. Was Shouyo’s gaze lingering on him because he felt the same way, or was Kenma imagining it? Worse, what if he hated him for it? 

What would Shouyo think if he knew how often Kenma stared at his retreating back, how many times he’d scooted his hand closer and closer to his, wondering how it would feel if their fingers brushed against each other for just a second. 

Would it make him uncomfortable? Would it cause him to pull away from what he thought was just a mutual friendship? 

It scared Kenma shitless. 

He knew they couldn't last forever in this in-between, and eventually something would have to give. 

They were sitting beside each other during Shouyo’s break. Kenma’s game was paused while he listened to him talk about some crazy customer that came in earlier. 

He liked it when Shouyo talked. It gave him an excuse to look at him without overthinking. Sometimes he even started conversations just so he could watch him for a while. Eye contact used to be his worst nightmare. Look at people when they’re talking to you , Kuroo would tell him. 

It was good advice, he thought, watching Shouyo’s animated expressions. He learned that he had a scar right next to his left eye, that when he laughed he usually closed his eyes and tilted his head back. The more he looked, the more he adored. 

Of course the person Kenma fell for would be someone gorgeous. How unfair, to be unable to tear his attention away for even a second. 

“You’re smiling a lot today, Kenma.” Shouyo said. 

Kenma said, “You’re interesting, Shouyo.”

Shouyo said nothing, and Kenma no longer had an excuse to stare, but he didn't have the willpower to look away. 

x 

When Kenma stood face to face with Shouyo's roommates, it suddenly made sense that Kuroo had volunteered to pick him up later. 

Tall, blonde, and lanky Mr. Tutor stared at him with a bored expression. Yeah, this guy was totally Kuroo’s type, Kenma thought while fighting the urge to roll his eyes. 

The guy next to him he recognized as another one of Shouyo's teammates, who occasionally stopped by Crows. Forest green hair and eyes to match, freckles splattered across his nose and cheeks. 

Shouyo made quick work introducing everyone. 

"This is Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. Well, I guess you already met them at the practice." Ah, that's right. Tsukki, Kuroo had called him. "And guys, this is Kenma!"

"Nice to formally meet you, Kenma!" Yamaguchi said, with a wave while Tsukishima nodded, saying nothing. 

"Yeah," Kenma murmured, "you too."

It didn’t escape his notice that Yamaguchi stood a little closer than normal to Tsukki, the way he absentmindedly tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear for him as if those casual tender displays of affection were habits formed over a long period of time. 

Kenma wondered how he should tell his best friend that his tutor was in fact not single. 

He decided to worry about that later. Shouyo was eager to show him the "surprise" he had in store and rushed him away, much to Kenma's relief. They seemed nice enough, but meeting new people was still exhausting and Kenma already had enough on his brain. 

He was led down one of the halls to a set of bedrooms. "Kageyama is out right now, but this is his room." 

Kageyama, the barista with a scary face. He couldn't imagine how the two of them lived together considering all the fighting he'd witnessed at Crows.

"Annnnd this is mine! Close your eyes."

Leading up to that moment, Kenma did his best to avoid thinking about being alone with Shouyo in his room, but it was evident he should have prepared himself because shit. 

Lately, Kenma's self control wavered. He snuck more glances, and let accidental touches linger way too long. Sometimes he felt like he was daring Shouyo to make a move, to take all responsibility for whatever damage might be done if something happened. 

And there he was, about to enter the monsters den. 

"Okay, they're closed." 

He heard the door handle turn and then felt a warm hand against the small of his back. It was enough to set him on fire and he barely heard Shouyo tell him to open his eyes. 

There was a vintage gaming console on the floor, hooked up to a box TV placed on top of a haphazardly placed end table in front of the bed, along with two game controllers that looked like they hadn't been touched in a decade at least. A nostalgic, 4-bit melody filled the room and all his unease was forgotten for a second. The smile on his face was immediate. 

"I knew you'd like it!" 

Shouyo did this for Kenma? He set this whole thing up? No doubt he had to dig that dusty console out of the bottom of a box somewhere. "I can't believe that thing still works." 

"I threatened it a little," he said, lowering his voice before saying in a terribly exaggerated mobster accent, "Now listen here buddy, you're gonna turn on and you're gonna like it. Otherwise there will be consequences … And then it did!" 

"You didn't have to do all this." 

"But I wanted to. This might be the only game in existence that I can confidently say, you stand no chance against me." 

Kenma straightened. "Oh yeah? What game?" 

The glint in Shouyo's eyes was unmistakable, a challenge. "Super Volleyball." 

Kenma couldn't help it. He laughed, just a little. Of course. What else could it have been? For a second he imagined a small childlike version of Shouyo sitting in front of an old television, playing this game for hours just because it was the closest thing he had to the real thing. 

And then, for just a second, he pictured himself as a kid sitting next to him shoulder to shoulder with a controller in his hand too. 

He made a pointed effort to look Shouyo right in the eyes before leaning in close –close enough that he could have counted every freckle on his face– and proclaiming "I won't lose," before sneaking the quickest glance at his lips and taking a seat on Shouyo's bed. When he picked up the controller, he willed his hands to stop shaking. That was exactly the kind of thing he had been worried about, but with just the two of them he couldn't stop himself. He didn't look at Shouyo when he sat down. 

"Don't underestimate me, Kenma."

He got a feel for the controls, his muscle memory and years of experience filling in the blanks. He waited until the game was about to start before saying "I've never underestimated you, Shouyo."

It was true. When Shouyo was struggling during his first week on the job, he knew he'd get the hang of it. When he found out he played volleyball, middle blocker even, he'd only been intrigued. 

And now, he wasn't shocked at how quickly Shouyo could jump back in time and master the game so effortlessly, but rather impressed that he was quicker to do so than Kenma. 

It was a close game, and soon the sound of buttons being smashed was even louder than the music, but in the end the team that was defeated was Kenma's. 

Shouyo pumped his fist in the air and shouted. "Yeaaaah!" He let the controller fall into his lap and turned to Kenma, before bursting out into a fit of laughter. "Kenma, your face! You're such a sore loser!" 

Kenma, who was biting the inside of his cheek, looked away, which only made him laugh louder and soon he was clutching his stomach and falling back onto the bed, making it shake. 

Kenma took a deep breath. 

He let himself fall onto his back next to him, arms nearly on top of each other and legs close enough that their leg hairs were tickling the others'. Neither of them moved away.

"That was fun, right?" Shouyo asked. 

Kenma huffed, but there was a hint of a smile playing at his lips. "I guess." 

"Don't worry, I know how you are. Next time you'll have figured out my strategy and found a way to beat me." 

"And then you'll decide to bust out some hidden combo and completely throw me off guard. I know you." 

"Well I'm ready for a rematch whenever you are." 

"Me too." 

Neither of them moved. 

Shouyo started to sing along to the game music. 

There were no official lyrics to it. He just made up words as he went along, singing about the coffee shop and volleyball and video games,

and Kenma. 

And maybe his body was tired from setting the ball for him for hours earlier, or maybe it was the fact that he had been up all night thinking about the way Shouyo had looked when he told him he smiled a lot the other day. But whatever the reason, as he calmed down and listened to the stupid song, his eyes grew heavy and then he was asleep. 

He wouldn't remember it when he woke up, but he dreamt of two little boys: one with tangerine hair and another with jet black. They stared at each other through an invisible wall, mirroring each other's movements. Their palms pressed flat against the wall and their hands were almost close enough to touch but whenever one of them pushed the wall grew thicker and thicker. 

And then they weren't children anymore. They were all grown up; the boy from the coffee shop and the same person Kenma saw everyday when he looked into the mirror. 

Maybe the wall between the two boys was also a mirror. But how could he be staring into a mirror and not see himself? He didn't understand. Suddenly he was frustrated and scared, and the mirror cracked, and Shouyo's face was gone. 

And then it shattered completely, and he was all alone. 

Come back, he said. 

Who are you speaking to, little one? said his mother running her hands through his hair, gentle, calm. He didn't know where she came from, but she was there now. He leaned into her warm arms. 

It was just Shouyo , he said, voice small and childlike. I hope he comes back. 

He will.

And then the dream was over as quickly as it came, and he didn't recall anything except the feeling of rough, firm fingers in his hair as he slowly stirred awake from his nap.

Wait. 

He blinked, suddenly awake, but didn't move. It wasn't his imagination or the remnants of a sweet dream; someone was playing with his hair. 

He turned over and inhaled sharply when his nose brushed against Shouyo's. The hand that had been tenderly stroking Kenma's hair reeled back, but Kenma caught it with his own and held it above their heads. 

"What are you doing?" 

Shouyo gulped, eyes wide. Caught. "I like your hair," he whispered, his breath warm against Kenma's lips. One of them was shaking, maybe both of them. Kenma couldn't tell. 

They were so close. Kenma couldn't remember any reason why he shouldn't kiss Shouyo. Was it because he didn't want to ruin their so called friendship? Or was it something else...

Did it matter? 

There was a playful tilt in his voice when he asked "Only my hair?"

Shouyo's eyes were hard, his cheeks flushed. "No." 

Kenma let his eyes close as the distance between them finally got smaller and smaller until they were half a second apart. 

And then there was a knock on the door. 

"Kozume?" It was Yamaguchi's voice. "Sorry to interrupt but Kuroo is here." 

And in an instant the moment was over.

He sat up, head spinning. Shit, why now of all times? He checked his phone and frowned. He'd lost track of time, and Kuroo was nothing if not punctual. "Okay, um. Thanks!" There was an edge to his voice but he tried to keep his cool. Yamaguchi was a nice guy and undeserving of his attitude. 

It was if he'd been pulled out of some kind of high and was now crashing. Finally, he faced Shouyo, who was staring at him with an expression he couldn't read, half expectant half...hope? 

They'd almost kissed. 

Shouyo wanted to kiss him. 

He felt dizzy, but it wasn't in a good way, not the way he expected. 

He must have been making a face because Shouyo's expression turned from hopeful to apologetic. 

No. Don't make that face. This is all wrong. 

He needed to calm down. Whatever had just happened was good wasn't it? He was positive Shouyo was going to kiss him. And he wanted him to. 

So why did he suddenly feel so overwhelmed? 

He took a deep breath, knowing he had to say something but not sure what. "Shouyo—" 

" Oi!" The polite knocking was replaced with the obnoxious pounding he knew could only belong to his best friend. "Kenmaaaa! I hope you're behaving in there." 

His patience snapped. He stood up and swung the door open, staring up at Kuroo with the most cutting glare he could manage. "You couldn't just text me?" 

Kuroo raised an eyebrow, and briefly looked at Shouyo who was still sitting on the bed, eyes drilling holes into the bedsheets. When he looked back at Kenma he had the decency to seem apologetic. "I can uh, wait in the living room. But hurry up. The car's running." 

And then he was gone, leaving the door wide open. 

Close the door , he thought. Close the door and calm the fuck down and don't leave until you clear the air . 

"Thanks for today." 

"Yeah...of course."  Shouyo said, then "Kenma are you oka–" 

"I'm fine," Kenma said, in an attempt to defuse the awkwardness, but it came out short and clipped. 

Shouyo flinched. Kenma was only making things worse. He was going to ruin this already and it hadn't even started. He picked his bag up off the floor. 

"I should—"

"—Kenma, wait—"

—go." 

This wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. And now his mind was too full to process his own emotions. He felt irritable and confused and out of control and all over one stupid interruption. 

He needed to leave and get his thoughts together. "I'm sorry," he said and gave Shouyo one last fleeting glance before practically running out of the room. He didn't speak to Kuroo, who was sitting next to Tsukishima on the couch, but he made sure to say a brief goodbye to Yamaguchi before he finally was outside. 

He could hear that Kuroo was right behind him, but he didn't stop, afraid that he would snap at his friend even though he knew it wasn't his fault. He wasn't the one who completely panicked and ran away from his own feelings. 

Because that's basically what happened. 

"Kenma!" 

He bit his tongue, and felt the stinging sensation in his eyes that only meant one thing. 

"Kenm–oomph" Kuroo slammed into Kenma, who had stopped in the middle of the road. "Sheesh, what's going on with…" He felt the breakdown starting before he heard it. "Hey," he said, spinning him around so he could see his tear stained face. "Kenma, are you okay?" 

"No." 

"What happened?" 

"I don't know." 

Kuroo nodded, confused about the situation but understanding that that was all he would get at the moment, and wrapped his arms around him. "Let's sit in the car for a while." 

Kenma hummed agreement, glad he had a friend who knew him well enough to understand him when he got like this. 

He sat silent in Kuroo's passenger seat for a long time, letting himself cry quietly but trying not to turn into a sniffling mess. He rubbed his palm against his cheek and neck, wiping away the trails of tears stinging his skin. 

Kuroo was quiet, singing softly along to whatever he had playing on the radio. They each had their own way of being there for each other, and his simple presence, his calm and steady hands on the steering wheel turning the car into their shared neighborhood, was a gift. There was no getting Kenma to talk before he gathered his thoughts and cleared his head. 

His phone vibrated in his jacket pocket and he didn't have to check to know it was Shouyo. 

Kenma are you okay??? 

Will you please call me when you can? I feel like you wanted to tell me something before you left and I definitely feel like I need to talk to you. 

I hope you get home safe

The last text was time stamped almost ten minutes after the others. 

I'm so sorry please forgive me.

It was all he could do not to sob, but he held it in. What was he thinking, leaving like that? He hadn't even been thinking about how it must have looked to Shouyo. 

He started to type, unsure exactly what to say but knowing he had to offer something until he could get his thoughts together. 

But he just stared at the blinking line, clenching his phone tighter in his hands when his vision started to blur again. 

Kuroo parked the car, slightly hesitating before killing the engine and facing his friend. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Not right now." 

Kuroo unbuckled his seat belt and pointed at Kenma. "You stay here. I'm getting your stuff."

"What?"

"You're staying with me tonight. Don't argue."

x

It was two in the morning when Kuroo finally fell asleep, and as much as Kenma appreciated everything he had done for him tonight, he was a little relieved. 

Kuroo had let him take a nice, long shower and lay down for a little bit before finally forcing him to talk. 

"So you choked, huh?" 

It was an accurate, if not insensitive statement. 

"Shut up." 

But he was thankful for the teasing. Overbearing mother hen mode was reserved only for things that Kuroo truly didn't have any advice for.

"Hey, Kenma?" 

"What?" 

"Remember when you and Lev kissed?" 

If there was a world record for how fast a pillow could be thrown at someone's face, he would have set it. 

"Ow! Hey!" He whined before he got another hit to the face. "Just listen, I'm going somewhere with this!" 

Kenma slowly put the second pillow down. "Of course I remember, but that's completely different." 

"And why is that?" 

Because that was just a random kiss that didn't mean anything. Both of them had just been caught up in the moment. "I didn't like Lev like that." 

"Exactly."

Kenma rolled his eyes. "I hate when you do this. Just spit it out." 

Kuroo grinned. "No. The whole point is to get you to say it out loud."

Kenma looked out the window and forced himself to say "I really like Shouyo."

"And it seems like he likes you. So what's the problem?" 

Kenma hugged his legs close to his chest and burrowed his face into them. There it was, the core of all this. 

"What if he..." He took a deep breath before quietly whispering "What if he is just caught up in the moment?" His heart lurched as he said the words out loud, tears threatening to fill his eyes again. "I've never felt like this before and I don't want to lose him because I feel this way and he doesn't. Plenty of people flirt and kiss and say things they don't mean if the moment's right. I fucking hate you for making me do this by the way."

Kuroo wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close. "I saw the way he looked in there. Didn't look like a guy who doesn't feel exactly the same way. He looked like a guy who just got the wind knocked out of him, if it's any consolation."

It was, but Kenma didn't admit it.

“Kuroo, I have to tell you something.”

Kuroo sighed. “Don’t worry. I already know. Tsukki introduced me to his boyfriend before you stormed out.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked, but he already knew the answer. Kuroo was a lot of things, pushy, annoying, loud. But he cared about his friends enough to decenter his own feelings if they were going through it. “Well, whatever. Go ahead and let it out. It’s my turn to comfort you I guess.”

They didn't talk about Shouyo for the rest of the night, instead they discussed all the ways Kuroo would be a great boyfriend and how maybe one day he would find somebody who could put up with his ugly laugh and addiction to seafood.

It cheered them both up, and when Kuroo finally fell asleep Kenma covered him up with a blanket and mumbled a small thank you. 

His eyes were droopy and exhausted from a mix of sleep depravity and crying, but he knew he couldn't go to bed yet. 

Guilt enveloped him. Shouyo's texts stared up at him, still waiting for a reply. He was probably fast asleep by now. 

He'd picked up the phone and tried to form the words that he wanted to.

You don't need to apologize. I wanted you to kiss me. I'm the one who's sorry. 

Backspace. 

Sorry it's so late, but I needed time to think. Also, there's nothing to forgive. I'm the one who freaked out.

Backspace.

I'm an idiot.

Backspace.

I think I'm in love with you or something and I'm scared you'll realize I'm boring and not good for you. 

Backspace.

Maybe he should just got to sleep. 

But after hours of analyzing his feelings, with Kuroo's snores to encourage him, he sent the most basic text he could think of.

Hey

He briefly wondered if he should say something else, but he didn't get the chance. Immediately, his phone was buzzing in his hand and Shouyo was calling him. 

His thumb hovered over the green call button for far too long before he finally answered, holding his breath. 

For a moment, the line was completely silent. He almost wondered if he'd sent the call to voicemail on accident, but then he heard a familiar shaky breath. "Hello?" 

The sound of his voice, weary and heavy with exhaustion, sent another wave of guilt through him. All this time, he was awake too. Did he have his roommates to talk to? Tsukishima didn't seem like the comforting type, but Yamaguchi...maybe even Kageyama. 

He was too scared to ask. 

"Hey." 

A sigh of relief blew through the speakers, and then he was speaking hard and fast. "I was scared you were never going to speak to me again!" 

"Shouyo–" 

"I am so sorry, Kenma. I misread the situation. I was only thinking about what I wanted and completely took advantage of you're sleepy state and–" 

"Shouyo!" 

He was so surprised by his own outburst that he made sure to check that he hadn't woken up Kuroo. But at least he had his attention. "Stop talking for a second. I'm going to step outside so I don't wake anybody up and then you're going to listen to what I have to say." 

His heart rate rose with every word he said. If only he was standing in front of him. For once, he wanted to be looking right into someone's eyes when he spoke. 

"Okay," he answered, voice flat. He sounded nervous. 

"I'm not mad at you," Kenma whispered, sneaking out of his bedroom door. He tip-toed down the hall, praying Kuroo wouldn't wake up and notice his absence. 

"You're not?" 

"No. Just give me a minute." 

The air was chilly, and Kenma wished he'd slipped on a hoodie before coming out. His apartment was right outside a major street, and even though it was late, a few cars were still out on the road. 

He appreciated the lack of stillness, proof that the world was still turning, lives were still moving forward. His would too, and if he could get this right, hopefully his life would move in the direction leading to the boy who held his heart in his energetic, lively hands. 

"Shouyo." 

"Yes!" He said instantly, voice cracking. 

"I'm sorry."

The line was quiet, and Kenma took that as his cue to keep going. 

"Listen, I think…"

His words caught in his throat. It was like he was staring up at a meteor shower, and Shouyo was his wish. There was a voice telling him that he couldn't say it out loud or it wouldn't come true. 

But he pushed that voice aside. The sky was clear and for once so was his head. 

"Shouyo, I–"

"Kenma, wait!" he yelled into the phone, frantic. "Please wait, just...okay. Um! I said I would but I can't listen to what you have to say right now. I know what you're going to say and I have a really selfish request first!" 

"I don't think you know what I'm going to say."

But the desperation in Shouyo's voice was clear, a tell that he wasn't going to back down. "I do! And it's okay! I can handle it, just…" He took a long, deep, breath. "Please meet me tomorrow because there is something I have to tell you first. I have to get it off my chest or else it'll eat away at me. And I know it's a lot  to ask this of you but please will you listen to what I have to say? I'm not expecting you to change your mind about anything. I just need you to hear me out." 

Kenma huffed, "Why can't you just tell me now?" 

Shouyo's laugh was sad and awkward and it hurt Kenma to hear it, to be the cause of it. This phone call was supposed to make him feel better not worse. 

"You know this isn't the kind of thing that should be said over a phone. I want to be able to look at you." 

Kenma wanted to scream. This was too much. How can one day start off so good and end so stressful? "I really don't know what you're talking about."

"A love confession!" 

Kenma almost dropped his phone. Shit. Did he hear that correctly? He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. With ringing ears he slumped back against a wall. 

His cheeks burned furiously. 

"Kenma?" Shouyo's voice was soft now. "Please. Meet me tomorrow?" 

He wanted to say yes, and almost did. But as much as he wanted to, "I can't." Tomorrow was saturday, and he'd agreed to help his lab partner, Akaashi, catch up with some things he'd missed. 

"Oh." 

"But I can Sunday."

"Oh!"

Kenma smiled, he couldn't help it. "Okay. See you, Sunday." 

"R-right." 

"And Shouyo?"

"Yes?"

"I really don't think you know what I was going to say." 

He ended the call and smiled to himself all the way back to his room. 

x

It was the longest day of his life and it was only a little after noon. 

Kenma tried his best to stay focused on the notes in front of him, but more often than not Akaashi would have to ask him to repeat himself and usually it would have been embarrassing but he couldn't even find it in him to care. 

His brain replayed the words over and over in his head. A love confession! A love confession! A love confession! 

The way Shouyo's voice had squeaked, just barely. How on earth was he supposed to focus on anything else. He couldn't even maintain his average high score on his mobile games on the train ride to campus this morning. 

Shouyo liked him.

That knowledge kept him from getting any sleep, and he was practically functioning on espresso and sheer will. (And his complete and utter inability to think of anything but Shouyo Hinata.) 

Last night he'd closed his eyes and for the first time since he'd realized his feelings, he let himself think of him in ways that he tried to avoid before, not being able to stomach the feeling of guilt. Kenma was able to run his fingers up his arms and imagine they were Shouyo's hands holding him and pulling him close without feeling like he was violating Shouyo's trust. 

He envisioned his hands in his hair, their lips pressed together, all sorts of words whispered in between kisses. All the things he wanted and finally felt close enough to grasp. 

He blushed to think how far his imagination might have taken him if he hadn't been sleeping in his best friend's bed. 

"Kozume?" 

Kenma blinked, brought back to his study session with Akaashi. "Yes?" 

"You're distracted." 

Kenma looked away, praying his thoughts weren't written all over his face. "Sorry." 

"Normally when you space out, you look so bored. But right now you seem so focused," Akaashi said, tapping his pencil against the notebook in front of them, "except not on this." 

"Yeah. Sorry." 

"You don't have to keep apologizing. But I am wondering if you're okay?" 

How embarrassing. "...I'm fine." No, he was struggling.  

Akaashi narrowed his eyes at him and for a second Kenma felt like all his feelings were laid bare, like his thoughts were being displayed across his forehead. But he just muttered a quick "Sure," before returning to their work. 

The next hour went by with Kenma attempting to keep his mind off of a certain bright, brown eyed individual and for the most part, he almost did. 

Almost. 

It must have been the way the clouds parted, leaving way for a sunbeam to illuminate Akaashi's features, and it almost made him laugh. It was like something out of a shoujo manga, but the person that should be sitting there wasn't.

Luckily, Kenma had an active imagination. 

In his head, he was sitting next to Shouyo. A study date? No. Shouyo wasn't a student. Instead he imagined them discussing a plan so completely farfetched that it could only ever happen in his head. 

Kenma, a graduate with his business degree, a budding CEO. Shouyo, a boy with dreams and almost enough money saved to fly him to Brazil. He'd be too shocked to say anything at first, when Kenma asked to be his sponsor, and he might even decline until he saw the serious look in his eyes. 

Fuck, he was so completely fargone. He wanted to see Shouyo.

"Akaashi!" an unfamiliar voice boomed, jostling the two study partners out of their heads. 

Kenma turned to Akaashi, studying him. Judging from the way his features softened, and the subtle turn of his lips, he knew the owner of the loud voice. 

Then his eyes found the man it must have belonged to. Tall, muscular with silver highlights. He stood out in a way that was deliberate, begging people to look at him. 

But Kenma barely gave him a second glance, because standing right next to him, eyes wide and mouth open, was Shouyo.

The world tilted upside down and his stomach flipped with it. Had his daydreams been some kind of summoning spell? 

He looked away for just a second before forcing himself to at least make a little eye contact. Shouyo was the one under the impression they didn't feel the same and he wanted to show him he was wrong in any way he could. But it was so tough. At least in his daydreams he didn't have to think about yesterday, what had almost happened, and how he completely fled from it. As much as he wanted to see him, he hadn't been prepared for how hard it would be, how stiff and heavy his chest would feel. 

Especially not when he was looking at him like that , lips parted and cheeks flushed, eyes flickering between his face, the ground, and Akaashi whose face was lit up in a way Kenma didn't realize was possible. 

"Ah, Bokuto. Why are you here?" 

"I thought you could use a surprise visit to help motivate you! Also I just wanted to see you." 

Kenma gripped the edge of the table. Say something. His head was wracking to come up with something. 

Akaashi cleared his throat. "Oh, sorry Kozume. This is my boyfriend, Bokuto, and his friend Hi–" 

"Hi Kenma!" Shouyo blurted out. 

Kenma wondered if his face was the same color as Shouyo's right now. It had to be, the way his heart was pounding. "H-hi Shouyo." 

It was excruciating. 

"You two know each other?" Akaashi asked, eyeing the both of them. 

Kenma nodded, fully aware that Shouyo's eyes were glued to him. It was too much. He had to look away. "Yeah." 

The silence that followed would haunt Kenma for the rest of the day. Even though it was only a few seconds, he felt like every millisecond just sitting there while the boy he treasured stood there was a loss. Knowing they both had things to say but barely being able to muster up the courage to hold him in his gaze.

Bokuto, who hadn't been surprised by their acquaintance, laughed and Kenma let out a breath he'd been too afraid to let out. "Small world! Well, Hinata and I are about to go work on some spikes." 

"Have fun." 

When Bokuto stepped close to kiss his boyfriend goodbye, Kenma couldn't help but stare. His grip on the table tightened and he was utterly drowning in jealousy. 

Shouyo was right there. He felt like he was back in his bed, so close but so far. It wasn't fair and he hated himself for feeling so bitter, practically flinching at his own envy as he turned to look anywhere else.

His eyes landed on Shouyo and those feelings turned to stone, weighing him down further. Something had changed in the few seconds he'd looked away. The warm brown in his eyes darkened for just a second, filled to the brim with an emotion Kenma had never seen on his face before. 

But it disappeared almost as quick as it came, not giving him enough time to analyze it. 

His body moved before he could think. The sound of the metal chair scraping against the concrete rang through the air and then he was standing. All eyes were on him and despite that almost every voice in his head was screaming at him to sit down, he shut them all out and only listened to the small, scared whisper in the back. It told him he needed to talk to Shouyo now . 

He turned to Akaashi and pursed his lips, before saying "I'm sorry. Excuse us for a second." 

Shouyo's hand was tense when he grabbed it, and he let out a startled shout when Kenma pulled him away to find a quiet area away from prying eyes. 

After finding a place between two buildings, he stopped walking but waited to let go of his hand. He'd been walking fast and needed to catch his breath, but didn't want to waste a moment. He pulled Shouyo closer to him, begging for some kind of feeling to be conveyed. 

Shouyo gulped. "Kenma? Are you okay?" His voice was shaky and it only reminded him that their feelings for each other weren't out in the open– his feelings for Shouyo. He should have just spoken up last night on the phone. 

"No."

There was no reply, so Kenma kept going. "I can't wait until tomorrow. Tell me what you want to say." 

"Now?"

"Please," he said, rather forcibly, pulling him even closer. "Or else I'm going to go first." 

Shouyo stiffened. "I don't want to right now." 

"Why?" Kenma couldn't get his face out of his head, and was trying not to lose his cool. 

"Kenma…" 

"I thought you wanted to tell me." 

"I did! I do! But that was before…" He gulped, seeming to finally notice the nonexistent space between them. His hand twitched in Kenma's. 

"Before what?"

Shouyo's voice was shaky, breathless.. "I saw how you looked at Akaashi." 

Kenma blinked. "What?" 

"Before we interrupted you! You had this face. It was all..." Shouyo pulled his hand away to lay his hair down, sighing dramatically and batting his eyelashes. "And then when they kissed, you looked so upset. And I get it, Akaashi is good looking and an amazing setter and you guys look pretty close and-"

"I was thinking about you." 

A pause. "Huh?" 

"When I was looking at him before you showed up I was thinking about you ."

Shouyo was completely still for so long Kenma wondered if he was even breathing before he said "Oh." 

There it was again. That lull. 

Kenma couldn't take it anymore, and did something that would absolutely mortify him later. He leaned forward, trapping Shouyo between him and the wall behind them with both his arms. "So," he said, peering down at him "What did you want to tell me?" 

He expected the eyes staring back at him to look away, but they didn't. The look aimed at him was mirroring his own in intensity. 

It was absolutely thrilling.

When his phone started to ring, he almost wondered if he was cursed. 

"Are you kidding me?" He whispered, already planning a collection of curses to throw at Kuroo if he was the cause of this. 

But it was Akaashi. Shit. How long had they been gone? 

"You might want to answer that," Shouyo said, looking down at the screen. "Before they come looking for us."

Kenma really didn't want to answer it. "Hello?" He said into the phone, hating himself. 

"I think we should reschedule, Kozume." 

Even though he felt bad, the words were a respite. Until he added "And don't worry, I'll let Bokuto know Hinata will practice with him another time. So do whatever you've been thinking about all day so next time you can actually help me out a little." 

He wanted to bury himself into a hole and scream. "Sorry." 

"Don't be. Bye Kozume. Good luck." 

When the call ended, he peeked through the hair covering his face and wondered if Shouyo had heard Akaashi. Half hope, half dread; He searched for any indication that he had been listening. 

"What have you been thinking about?" 

He slumped forward, burying his forehead into Shouyo's shoulder and holding back a scream. Rather, he took a deep breath and mumbled into the orange hoodie, "You." 

Everything froze, or maybe it was just Shouyo who was frozen and Kenma couldn't be bothered to care about anything other than the boy right in front of him. 

“Kenma, look at me.”

Gripping the side of the hoodie, he slowly lifted his head and locked onto Shouyo’s stare. The urge to look away was strong, but not stronger than his feelings. He tried to reach into himself and pull out the confidence that had pushed the boy against the wall, but he held back, too scared that another interruption would pull them out of their trance. 

He waited for him to say something, anything . Each second felt more agonizing than the last. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just say something? Now Shouyo was looking away, lips tightly pressed together. More than once he looked like he was trying to say something but then he’d just poke out his lips in what could only be frustration. It was a look Kenma had never seen him make before, so frustrated and unsure and it was Kenma's fault and—

" Aaaaaaaaaagh!" groaned Shouyo before he ran his hands through his hair. "I'm so sorry, Kenma! This is so lame of me. I'm trying to act so cool so this isn't awkward but it's just making me feel awkward!" He looked like he wanted to say more but instead he sucked in a breath and reached for Kenma's hand.

His hand was warm, but it was nothing compared to his neck, which he'd now pressed Kenma's hand against firmly. He was so focused on the hand on his and the warmth spreading over him that it took him a second to process the pulse racing underneath the other boy's skin. 

"You make me so nervous. See?" He sighed, and Kenma stepped closer. "I couldn't even get any sleep last night." 

"Me neither." 

"Your hands are cold, Kenma."

"Oh," he whispered, instinctively pulling his hand back. "Sorry."

But Hinata didn’t let him, pressing it harder against his skin, which was trembling. "I like it! I like it. I like your cold hands. A lot." He paused, eyes locking onto Kenma's with that intense stare that drove Kenma wild. "I like you, a lot." he breathed out. 

Kenma took a quick breath. "Me too." 

The smile that spread across Shouyo's face was something he wanted to preserve in his memory for a long time. It was as warm as his skin, and it sucked out any anxiety Kenma had been feeling until that moment. “You do? For real!?”

It was impossible to hold back a laugh, he felt so light and elated. The moment evoked a sense of boldness in him, and let his forehead gently press against his. 

He didn't really hear Shouyo whisper his name as much as he felt it: the way his breath caressed his cheeks and his skin vibrated against his touch. It was soft but heavy with the exact same eagerness that Kenma felt flowing through him. 

Kenma kissed him first. He couldn't tell you it was gentle or soft because it wasn't. The kiss was messy and greedy but it was perfect. When it was over, Kenma caught a quick glimpse of Shouyo's cherry cheeks and swollen lips turned upwards in a smile before he was being pulled into another kiss. 

x 

Kenma’s apartment was close, and neither of them wanted to be away from each other after that, their bodies itching to be close. They held hands the entire walk.

"I'm happy," Shouyo said later when they were both sprawled close together under a blanket. "I'm so happy I don't think I'll fall asleep," he said despite the yawn that followed. 

Kenma said "You can sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." 

"Mm." He closed his eyes. "You always are." 

There was a boy asleep in Kenma's bed. and in his heart and hopefully in his future too. 

x

Walking into Crows felt different now. It was all he could do not to smile as he walked in. It was just a regular day, same as always. 

Except it wasn't, not really. 

When he waved to Shouyo, he knew he was probably blushing but didn't care. The color in his cheeks reflected the same shade coloring the face of the boy staring back at him. 

His boyfriend? They hadn't actually talked about that kind of thing last night, but he felt like it was the logical next step. Unless he was only thinking that because it's what he wanted. But he remembered the heartbeat raging against his palm, the tenderness in the kisses. They must have wanted the same thing. 

Suddenly he was anxious. He wished Shouyo was the one taking his order instead of Yachi, who had a brighter smile this morning when she spoke to him. 

While waiting for his order he wondered if he should try and get his attention, but he looked very focused on work. Kenma's stomach twisted and he went to start up his computer while he waited for his drink. 

"Kenma!" 

He'd never gotten up so quick.

Shouyo held his drink out to him with a shy smile. "Hey," he said. 

"Hi." 

"I'm about to go on break. Don't forget to make sure I spelled your name right!" And before Kenma could ask him what he meant by that, he zipped away into the back room. 

Spell his name right? Why wouldn't he—

Kenma nearly dropped his drink. He could only guess what his face looked like as he stared at the messy handwriting that said Shouyo's Boyfriend? 

Until that moment he didn't know you could feel a smile with your entire body. He kept looking down at the words as he walked back to his table, right as Shouyo was turning the corner. 

His face was completely red. "Did you see it?" He asked immediately. 

Kenma nodded. 

"And," Hinata took a step closer, "It's okay? You want it?" 

He wanted everything to do with it. He wanted all the smiles formed just for him, all the kisses and hand squeezes and even the late night volleyball practices that he complained endlessly about. 

He wanted there to always be a boy waiting for him at his table.