Chapter Text
"Breathe. You're doing great. Just keep breathing. In, out, in—"
"Jace," said Clary through gritted teeth, "I know how to breathe."
They were walking slowly around the cave, Clary leaning on Jace's arm. She stopped suddenly, her body tensing. "Contraction."
"You're doing great," Jace said. "Just br—"
"Shut—up," Clary gasped. Jace clamped his mouth shut. Clary shook him off and pressed both palms into the wall, rocking back and forth as she moaned softly.
"Are you okay?" said Jace tentatively after a long moment.
She grunted. "I need—mendelin...and Endurance..."
Jace hastily drew his stele, unzipped her dress, and inked both runes at the small of her back. "Is that better?" he asked, zipping her back up.
She nodded tightly, exhaling. "Okay, it's over."
Jace checked his watch. "Forty-five seconds." She nodded, rubbing her arms; she was shivering, her teeth chattering softly. Jace slid his jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders. She pulled it tightly around her.
"Thanks," she said feebly.
"Are you sure you don't want to sit down?" said Jace.
She shook her head. "I need to walk."
"Okay," said Jace uncertainly, "but you're still kind of supposed to be on bed rest..."
"I don't think it matters at this point," Clary said shortly. "And if I sit down, it's going to hurt even more, so I need to walk, okay?"
"Okay. Sorry."
She sighed. "No, I'm sorry. I'm being an ass, aren't I?"
Jace kissed her forehead. "Until you have the baby, you're allowed to be as much of an ass to me as you want."
"And after I have the baby?"
"Then the baby gets to be an ass to both of us."
Clary laughed. She slid her arm through his and began to walk again. They approached the mouth of the cave; Jace bent to carve the protection runes into the rock again. Then he made to turn back around, but Clary lingered, staring out into the desert. On the horizon, the black cloud of demons swarmed and swirled, shrieking distantly.
"Come on," Jace said, guiding her back into the cave.
"Jace," she said as they began to walk the other way. "What are we going to do?"
"Don't worry about that right now," said Jace soothingly. "You just concentrate on having this baby."
"We need a plan," she said baldly. "We can't stay in here forever. Sooner or later, they'll find us. Or the demon will draw us out."
Jace chewed his lip. "We could find another cave," he said eventually.
"I don't know if there are any others," Clary said, "or if we could even Portal there when we haven't seen them before."
"Well, how did you Portal us here? Could you see it from where we were?"
"I've..." She swallowed. "I've been here before. In one of my dreams. I took a chance on it being real."
Jace rubbed her hand. "Clary..."
She shook her head. "I don't think finding another cave will work. And even if it does, what then? How long can we keep running?"
He looked at her for a long moment, but let it drop. "We have to find a way back home," he said. "Maybe there are clues back where we came through. There has to be some sort of connection to our world, if he could keep sending demons through so easily. I think as soon as you have the baby, we should go back there."
Clary nodded, though she didn't look particularly comforted by the idea. "Clary," said Jace softly. "Are you doing okay?"
She was silent for a moment. Then, quietly, she said, "I don't like being here. And I don't want to have the baby here."
"Here, as in, in this cave...?"
"Here," she said, her voice shaking. Her eyes were shimmering. "This place. I can't..."
"I know," Jace said gently. "I can't imagine how horrible it must be to be back here."
"Except I was never here," Clary said. "Not really. But now I am and I can't—I can't escape. I can't wake up." She wrapped her arms around herself tightly. "I always had that, you know? Even in my worst dreams, I knew I could wake myself up, and I'd be home, and none of it was real." She looked up at him; a tear slid down her cheek. "I wish this was a nightmare."
Jace wiped the tear away. "It's not a nightmare," he said. "I know the circumstances aren't ideal, but just think, Clary. In a few hours, we'll have a baby. We'll finally get to meet him."
She gave a watery smile and ran her hand across her belly. They continued to walk; the cave was no more than fifty feet in diameter, and soon they were approaching the mouth of the cave again. Then, suddenly, Clary inhaled sharply. "Contraction."
"Already?" Jace checked his watch; it had only been five minutes. "Are you s—"
She gave a moan and clutched at his bare arms, her nails digging in. Jace squeaked.
"Clary," he said, his voice slightly strained, "could you squeeze my hands instead of my arms, please?"
She spat out a long string of epithets detailing exactly which parts of his body she could squeeze instead. He gulped.
"Arms are fine," he said, nodding vigorously. "Arms are great, in fact. Please keep squeezing my arms."
She exhaled, releasing him. He rubbed his arms surreptitiously as she slumped against the wall, panting. "How long..."
He glanced at his watch again. "Fifty seconds. You're doing great."
"If you tell me I'm doing great one more time—"
"You're doing awesome?" Jace suggested. Clary sighed and let her head fall back against the wall.
"This book is useless," Simon spat, throwing it down onto the table. "All I found was this, listen—" He picked up the scrap of paper on which he had copied and translated a passage from the book Magnus had found. "'Of the demon realm of Baratrum, little is known. The Prince Beelzebub is thought to reside there, fettered and unable to escape into our world.' Real freaking helpful." He shoved the book so hard that it toppled over the edge of the table, hitting the floor with a puff of dust.
"We know it's called Baratrum," said Jocelyn wearily. "That's somewhere to start, at least."
"Yeah, great, now we can start searching for one word in all these books," said Simon acidly.
Isabelle sighed. "Simon," she said. "We know you're upset. But can you please stop taking it out on all of us?"
Simon glared at her, but before he could reply, Alec stood, massaging his neck. "Where are you going?" Simon asked.
"I'm going to get us some food," he said. "There's a pizza place a couple blocks from here, it should still be open."
"How can you be thinking about eating right now?" Simon demanded.
"I'm just saying, we can't keep working without—"
"And I'm just saying we don't have time for this!"
"Enough!" Luke snapped. "Simon, take a walk."
"But—"
"Go," said Luke. "You clearly need some time to cool off, and frankly, we could all use a break from you."
Simon clenched his jaw so hard that he heard a cracking noise from his back teeth. He shoved his chair back from the table and stormed out of the library.
He walked aimlessly for a few minutes, turning deeper into the Institute. Moonlight turned the hallway gray, washing out the color in the tapestries that hung along the wall. As he passed the Sanctuary, he could hear raised voices; he listened for a moment, but couldn't make out any individual words. He hoped Maryse was having some luck with the Clave, but by the tone of their voices, he wasn't optimistic. Dropping his head, he turned and went back the way he had come.
Finally, he arrived back at the library. Isabelle looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.
"I would like to apologize," he said stiffly.
"Apology accepted," said Isabelle, though the others didn't look quite as tolerant. Alec's chair was empty; Simon felt a little guilty, especially because, though he would never say it out loud, he was actually rather hungry. "We were going to start looking for more books, if you want to help," Izzy said. Simon nodded and followed her, Luke, and Jocelyn over to the stacks. They all branched off; Simon went into an aisle and began to scan the titles of books.
"Simon," Isabelle said softly. "Are you okay?"
He nodded, pulling a thick tome off the shelf. He examined it for a moment before putting it back.
"Simon," said Isabelle again. "Will you please talk to me?"
"I'm fine, Izzy," Simon said, moving past her. She caught his arm and turned him gently toward her; he gazed into her eyes. He sighed. "All right, I'm not fine. I'm freaking out." He leaned back against the shelf. "I just want them back."
"We all do," said Izzy gently. "You know we do. But we have to work together. You can't keep shouting at everyone."
"I know." He passed a hand over his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"I know you are." She wrapped her arms around him, brushing her lips softly against his. He closed his eyes, wanting to fall into her, to forget that anything was happening.
Then his arm spasmed. He pulled back, wincing.
"What?" Isabelle said. "What's going on?"
He rubbed his arm. "I think something's wrong," he said in an undertone.
Isabelle paled. "What do you mean?"
"She's in pain," he said, "but it feels...weird."
"Weird how?"
"It keeps coming and going," Simon said. "And it's getting worse..."
There was a loud thud. Simon glanced around; Jocelyn had dropped a book, but she made no move to pick it up. She was staring at Simon, her face white. Luke looked at her, confused.
"Oh my God," she breathed. "She's in labor."
Simon stared at her for a long moment. Then a laugh bubbled up from his throat. "No," he said, shaking his head. "No, she's not. Because if she was in labor, that would mean she would have to give birth by herself, with no Silent Brothers or anyone to help her, in a demon realm where we can't get to her if something goes wrong—"
"Simon," said Isabelle, catching at him. He was trembling, his legs barely supporting him. He slid down the bookshelf, digging his nails into his arm as he struggled to breathe.
"It's the only thing that makes sense," Jocelyn said. "Unless she got hurt—"
"No, I think you might be right," Isabelle said. "She was having contractions at the park, remember, Simon?"
"What?" Jocelyn said sharply. "And you didn't think to mention that earlier?"
"I..."
The doors to the library opened and Maryse strode in. "I just wrapped up with the Clave," she said, "but they..." She trailed off, glancing at each of them. "What's going on?"
"Clary's in labor," Jocelyn said without preamble.
Maryse gaped at her. "How do you know?"
Jocelyn pointed at Simon. Maryse's gaze locked on his; in an instant, she was beside him, hauling him to his feet.
"Mom!" Isabelle said in shock, but Maryse only had eyes for Simon.
"Show me," she demanded. Wordlessly, Simon pulled up his sleeve. Maryse examined his parabatai rune; it was still normal, but his arm was aching. "You keep an eye on that," she said. "If anything changes, I want to know. And start timing the pain, we need to know exactly how far along she is and—"
"But what are we going to do?" Luke interjected. "If she's really in labor, there's no way she'll be able to go through a Portal, even if we somehow manage to make one."
"We'll have to wait until she's had the baby before we can do anything," said Maryse. "And then we'll need to be ready."
"We can't wait that long!" Jocelyn said. "Simon's right, she needs a Silent Brother—"
"If we try to bring her through too early, she could lose the baby," Maryse said.
"If we don't, she could die!"
"Stop it!" Simon snapped. He was shaking again. "You're talking about something that's not even possible! How about we figure out how to get her back first, and then start worrying about when to do it, okay?" He turned to Maryse. "What did the Clave say?"
She ran her hands through her graying hair. "Nothing useful," she said. "They think we shouldn't even be trying to get them back."
"What?" Jocelyn said. "Why not?"
"Because they think opening a Portal to a demon realm is a bad idea," Maryse said, "and I'd be inclined to agree with them if it weren't our family down there." She looked around at them. "We're on our own."
All of their eyes were on Maryse, but it was Isabelle who spoke. "Well," she said briskly, "that's never stopped us before." She slid her hand into Simon's. "Let's get back to work."
It was well into the night; at least, Jace thought it must be. His watch read half past two in the morning, but the sky outside hadn't changed. It was still blood-red, filled with sulfurous smoke. He could hear the demons screeching faintly...though not as faintly as they had been a few hours ago.
"They're getting closer, aren't they?" Clary said, catching his gaze as he turned her back around. They were still walking around the cave, albeit much more slowly.
Jace glanced at his watch. "You're still about three minutes apart—"
"Not the contractions," said Clary. "The demons."
Jace sighed. "Don't worry about it, okay? They don't know where we are."
Clary's grip on his arm tightened. He rubbed her hand soothingly as he checked his watch again to start timing the contraction. But something was different about this one; she doubled over, her legs shaking as a small whimper escaped her.
"Do you need to sit down?" Jace asked. She nodded, her knees buckling. "Okay, it's okay, I've got you..." He lowered her carefully to the ground, and she curled up on her side, trembling. "Let it out, Clary," he said, rubbing her back. She gave a strangled moan, though Jace could tell she was still holding back. "Breathe..." Her whole body was tensed up, her muscles rock-hard.
At last, she relaxed. "Ouch," she mumbled.
He helped her sit up. "Are you okay?" he said. "Do you want to keep walking?"
"I don't...think I can anymore."
She laid her head on his shoulder, breathing heavily. "Come here," he said, moving closer to the wall. He pulled her back so she was sitting between his legs, her head against his chest. He sat upright against the wall, supporting her. "Is this better?"
"Yeah...feels good..." She shifted. "Can you—?"
He was already massaging her lower back. She exhaled, relaxing into him. "Thanks," she said.
He kissed the top of her head. She stroked her belly lightly. "Can I?" Jace asked, reaching his hand out. She nodded, and he set it on her stomach, feeling the baby shift inside her. "Doesn't look like this is bothering him at all, does it?" he said, smiling.
She grimaced. "He's still kicking my ribs. I don't know how he even has the room."
Jace laughed. "Stubborn as always," he said. "We're going to have our work cut out for us, aren't we?"
Clary hummed in assent, running her hands across her belly again. Jace went back to massaging her back, but he was watching her face; she looked exhausted, her hair damp with sweat and her face wan. "Do you want another Endurance rune?" he asked.
"The last one's still there," Clary said wearily. "All the Endurance runes in the world wouldn't be enough to get through this."
"Clary," Jace said softly, but then her body tensed against him. "Another one?" he asked.
"Jace," said Clary in a tight voice, "go put a silencing rune at the entrance."
He glanced at her; her lips were pressed tightly together, her face taut with pain. Without arguing or asking for clarification, he extricated himself from behind her and strode over to the mouth of the cave. Quickly whipping his stele out of his belt, he carved a silencing rune into the rock beside the protection runes. "Okay," he said, straightening. "It's—"
A scream exploded through the cave, crashing around Jace's ears. He spun around; Clary's whole body curved in around her belly, her nails digging into the fabric of her dress as she screamed. After a long moment, she gasped for breath, her body trembling as she pushed herself back up to sitting.
"Wow," said Jace, struggling to keep his voice from shaking. Her scream was still ringing in his ears. "How long have you been holding that in?"
"A while," she said in a small voice. He took up his position behind her, and she leaned into him. "That was a really bad one," she whispered.
He stroked her hair. "You're amazing, you know that? You are so strong."
There was a long silence. Finally, she said softly, "Jace, if something goes wrong—"
"No," he said firmly, cutting her off. "We're not having this discussion. You're going to be fine, Clary."
"You don't know that," said Clary, sounding weary.
He shook his head. "Women give birth every day," he said, trying to convince himself as much as her. "Your body was literally made to do this. You'll be fine."
"And women die in childbirth every day," Clary said sharply. "It's not that easy." She swallowed, and when she spoke again, her voice sounded tight. "I'm three weeks early and I've already had complications. We have to—to entertain the possibility." She turned to look at him. "If something goes wrong, you have to promise me you'll save the baby before me."
He searched her eyes. "Clary..."
"Promise me," she said fiercely, gripping his hand.
"I..." He looked away. "Okay," he said softly. "I promise. But it's not going to happen, Clary. You're going to be fine. Both of you."
She closed her eyes, putting her back to him again.
They didn't sleep; after eating hastily, they went straight back to work, scouring the library for every book that even mentioned Baratrum. They had even examined the dust from Clary's sketchbook, but above all else, it was still just part of a drawing—real enough to touch, but not actually a Portal to the other world. Several hours later, sunlight was beginning to straggle through the window, the stacks of books on the table had grown to alarming heights, and they were no closer to an answer than they had been before.
Simon grit his teeth, massaging his forearm as it seized with pain. He drew in a breath, waiting for the pain to ebb before he closed his book and tossed it onto the nearest pile; it wobbled precariously. Maryse glanced over at him, searching his face.
"Time," she said.
He shook his head; he had forgotten to check. Maryse pursed her lips and turned back to the scroll she was deciphering. Beside Simon, Alec closed his own book.
"I think I'm going to go back home," he said, his voice hoarse. "The kids will be up soon. And maybe I can help Magnus find something."
The others nodded, too tired to speak. Alec stood and stumbled out of the room, pulling out his stele; Simon knew it was to give himself Wakefulness runes. Simon took out his own stele and inked the rune in the crook of his elbow. He felt his energy boost slightly as the rune sank in.
Wordlessly, Isabelle reached for the stele. Simon handed it to her, and she carved the same rune into her wrist. "We have to sleep eventually," she said in a raspy voice.
"We'll sleep when they're back," Simon said decisively. He stood up and moved toward the door. "I'm going to make some coffee. Does anyone want—Jesus Christ." He doubled over, clutching his arm.
"Oh, Simon..." Isabelle hurried around the table and put her arm around him, guiding him back. "Come here, sit down..."
"God," he gasped, his eyes streaming as she lowered him onto the couch. "I don't know how she's doing this. If it hurts this much for me..."
"I'm sure she's holding up," Izzy said soothingly. "She's strong."
Simon squeezed his arm. "By the Angel, Izzy, I'm so sorry I ever asked you to go through this."
"What?" said Maryse, looking up from the table, but Isabelle waved her down, focusing on Simon. The pain was lessening; he let out his breath in a rush. "How close are they?" Maryse asked.
"I don't know," Simon said. "Close."
She frowned at him. "You're supposed to be timing them!"
"I forgot, okay?" Simon snapped. "It's not exactly easy. You should know!"
Jocelyn chuckled suddenly. All their gazes went to her. "Sorry," she said, smiling. "I just wish all men had a female parabatai so they could understand what we go through."
"Yeah, it sucks," said Simon fervently. "I take back everything I've ever said about pregnancy. It's awful."
"Not all of it," Jocelyn said. "You've only felt the worst parts..." She trailed off, sobering. "If she's getting close, we need to hurry."
Simon nodded and stood back up, swaying slightly; Isabelle pushed him back onto the couch.
"Not you," she said. "You stay here, and for the Angel's sake, please try to time them before my mom strangles you."
"I can help—"
"You are helping," Izzy said. She leaned in. "And by the way," she added in an undertone, "I love you very much. But I'm a little glad you're going through this. Just a little."
"I suppose I deserve that," Simon mumbled. Isabelle kissed his cheek and went back to the table as Simon rubbed his parabatai rune, staring at his watch.
Clary screamed, squeezing Jace's hands so tightly that he began to lose feeling in the tips of his fingers. He tried to look at his watch, but it didn't really matter now; the contractions were so close together that trying to time them was pointless. After a long minute, Clary fell back against him, sobbing. Jace pulled her damp hair away from her neck, wiping her sweat away.
"Jace," she whimpered.
"Shh," he said, kissing the top of her head. "You're okay. You're so close, Clary."
"I can't...it hurts..."
"I know," he said. "But you're almost there. Just a little longer. And then we'll finally get to meet him. We'll get to hold him..." She whimpered again, her breath hitching. "Hey," he said softly. "What color do you think his eyes will be?"
She exhaled shakily. "I hope they're gold," she whispered. "Like yours."
Jace tilted her head toward his, smiling. "Funny," he said. "I was hoping they'd be green."
Clary looked like she was going to smile, but then her face contorted. She seized his hands again. "I think—" She gasped. "Oh, God. I think I have to push."
"Okay," Jace said, his heart fluttering nervously. "Okay, Clary. This is it."
She squeezed his hands and screamed—and from outside the cave, there was an answering roar. Jace whipped around to look; the runes at the mouth of the cave flared.
He hastily got to his feet, leaning Clary back against the wall, and dashed to the opening; the protection runes had faded to white, and the mass of demons was no longer swarming aimlessly on the horizon. It was now heading straight for them.
Jace swore and ran back to Clary; she was gasping for breath, sweat pouring down her face. "We have to move," he said, grabbing her arm. "The runes—they're gone. The demons found us." He tried to pull her to her feet, but she cried out, sinking back to the ground. He crouched beside her. "Clary," he said sharply. "We have to go. Can you walk?"
She shook her head, her lower lip trembling. He made a split-second decision and scooped her up into his arms, staggering slightly under her weight. "I'm just going to move you farther in, okay?" he said, panting. "Just so they can't—"
"No!" she screamed, digging her nails into his shoulder. "Jace, put me down! Put me down!"
"Okay..." He lowered her back to the ground, and she curled in on herself, sobbing. He stroked her hair. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I'm sorry, Clary..." He wiped her tears away; she was shaking. He took her hand and squeezed it, thinking hard. Through the mouth of the cave, he could see the demons getting closer.
He knew what he had to do.
He turned back to Clary, steeling himself. "Listen to me," he said. "This is what you're going to do. As soon as you have the baby, you need to get out of here."
"Wait," Clary said, but he kept talking over her.
"Get yourself back to where we came through, no one will be there now. Then you need to—"
"Wait," said Clary sharply. "Why are you talking like you're not coming with me?"
He swallowed. "I'm not. I'm going out there to fight the demons."
All the blood drained from her face. She pushed herself up to sitting, her limbs trembling. "No—no," she gasped. "They'll kill you!"
"If I stay here, they'll kill all of us!" Jace burst out. He closed his eyes, willing himself to stay calm. "At least this way I can buy you some time," he said, his voice shaking. "Give you and the baby a fighting chance."
"No," she said again. He tried to stand up, but she seized the front of his shirt. "You can't," she whispered. "I can't do this alone."
"Of course you can," he said softly. He tucked her hair behind her ear. "You're the strongest person I know," he said. "You can do this." He pulled his stele and a seraph blade out of his belt and pressed them into her hands. "Just in case you need to gut a demon," he said, but the tremor in his voice drowned out the humor.
"Don't," she sobbed. "Don't go, please don't go..."
He kissed her; she tasted of salt—sweat and tears. "I love you," he whispered. He put his hand on her belly. "Tell him—" His voice caught in his throat. "Tell him I love him, okay?"
He stood; Clary scrabbled at him, but he moved out of her reach. "Come back!" she screamed at him. "Come back here!"
He swallowed again and drew his sword. Outside, dust exploded into the air as demons tore across the land.
"YOU PROMISED!" Clary screamed. "YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE! JACE! JACE!"
He walked away from her. It felt as if someone had driven hooks into his heart and were trying to tear it out of his chest. And as he stepped through the mouth of the cave, Clary gave a terrible, shattered scream behind him—and he knew he would never forget that sound as long as he lived.