Chapter Text
When Akutagawa arrives at the little village tucked away in this corner of the world, the sun has not yet risen. The fresh snow crunches under his feet with each step and the morning air is clear and cold.
It’s hard to imagine that something sinister lurks here. This place is so far away from any civilization that it doesn’t even have a name. As far as Akutagawa knows, it doesn’t need one. There are no neighboring villages to confuse it with.
In the quiet, Akutagawa takes a moment to remember the specifics of his task. The foreigner that hired him knew very little about what Akutagawa would face. In heavily accentuated Japanese he told Akutagawa about a friend, a scholar, that had come down here to learn about the folklore of this place. Whatever he found, it killed him.
Now, the stranger wanted Akutagawa to hunt down the beast and bring it back— either alive or dead.
Normally, Akutagawa would refuse a contract like that. It was risky and unnecessarily vague. But even he could see that the foreigner had power. He had influence in places Akutagawa didn’t have access to any longer and he offered Akutagawa a more than generous amount of gold.
So in the end, Akutagawa accepted the man’s contract and after a week of traveling, he arrived finally here.
There is no point in making himself unpopular and waking the village, so Akutagawa strolls into the streets until he finds what might be the village’s meeting place. He notices that he raises no alarm. It’s strange but he supposes that no one would travel this far to rob this place.
Here, he finds the first sign, that something might be wrong in his place. When he approaches the well in the center, he spots something dark encrusted on the stone above the snow.
He crouches down and finds his suspicions to be true. It’s dried blood. There is not much of it at first glance, but when Akutagawa takes a closer look he finds more, deep in the cracks of the stone. It looks like someone tried to wash it off and Akutagawa wonders if the village has something to hide.
Maybe he can look around some more.
“Who are you?” a voice rings across the square and Akutagawa looks up to see who interrupted him. It’s a young man, maybe around Akutagawa’s own age, and the first thing Akutagawa notices is the stranger’s pale hair. It’s unusual, almost as white as the snow around them. When the stranger catches him looking, he narrows his eyes. “What are you doing here?”
Briefly, Akutagawa considers lying. But he was never good at that. So he straightens up and holds up his hands in mock surrender. “My name is Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. I came here to find out what happened to Shibusawa Tatsuhiko.”
The stranger eyes him warily before he nods. “Nakajima Atsushi,” he offers up a name. “We suspected someone might come.” There’s a moment of silence, then, “I can take you to our leader.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
***
The leader turns out to be a man in his forties. Akutagawa learns that his name is Fukuzawa. He greets Akutagawa with a wariness that is expected of strangers but offers up his assistance in Akutagawa’s task.
By now, the sun has risen across the horizon and Fukuzawa calls for the village’s physician. A young woman joins them. She takes a critical look at Akutagawa and it’s the same measuring distrust he’s encountered in everyone so far. But she doesn’t say anything, just tells him to follow her.
She leads him into another house, down some stairs into a basement. “We kept him around in case someone claimed his body,” she tells Akutagawa as she removes the cloth covering the body.
The smell is bad. Even in the cold, Shibusawa has started to rot. At least, it’s not hard to spot the cause of death. Deep gashes run across his face and chest. Whatever killed him, it was certainly not a human and Akutagawa is secretly relieved. While he accepted the contract not knowing whether he had to hunt a human or a beast, he always knew that he didn’t want to kill another human. He has enough blood on his hands for a lifetime.
“Do you know what attacked him?” he asks, trying to find out what might have caused the wounds.
“No,” the physician replies evenly, “It happened in the woods. We told him not to go there.”
Her words make Akutagawa pause. He remembers the blood on the well. Maybe it was just a coincidence. “Can you tell me where you found him?”
She shakes her head. “I can’t. If you want to go into the woods, talk to Atsushi. He sometimes goes in there to hunt for us, when food is scarce. He knows them better than I do.”
Akutagawa thanks her and heads out again.
***
He finds Atsushi next to a hut at the edge of the woods, chopping up some firewood. When he approaches, Atsushi looks up at him. “Did you find what you were looking for?” he asks.
Akutagawa shakes his head. “Would you show me where you found the body in the woods? I want to know what killed him.”
Atsushi’s gaze lingers on the bow slung over Akutagawa’s shoulder for a moment. He doesn’t ask what Akutagawa plans once he knows. He doesn’t have to. “Follow me then,” he says instead, setting down his axe and heading off towards the woods.
Akutagawa follows.
It becomes clear that the physician told the truth. Atsushi knows his way around these woods. There’s no path to follow and Akutagawa quietly admits to himself that he would easily get lost. The trees are dense and the floor is barely covered in any snow. By the time they arrive at their destination, Akutagawa isn’t quite sure that he would find the way back on his own.
“You found him here?” he asks, just to make sure.
“I did,” Atsushi confirms, pointing at a bit of forest floor that looks no different than the rest. Akutagawa is immediately suspicious although he has no reason to believe Atsushi would be lying to him.
He crouches down and tries to find any clue of what happened that day. The ground is frozen and clean, whatever blood might have been here, it’s no longer here and Akutagawa remembers that it has been many days since Shibusawa was killed. He looks around and finally spots something.
A nearby tree has deep claw marks. They match what he saw on Shibusawa’s corpse. “Do you know what animals hunt in this forest?” he asks over his shoulder.
“Wolves,” Atsushi replies easily and Akutagawa dismisses the idea instantly. Wolves have much smaller paws. “I saw a bear once.” That’s more likely, and Akutagawa carefully weighs that idea. “Some people say there is something even more dangerous that lives here.”
At that, Akutagawa sharply turns his head to look at his guide. Atsushi shrugs. “It’s an old legend,” he explains. “I don’t think there is any truth in it. But some people in the village don’t like to come here.”
Slowly, Akutagawa straightens up. He suddenly has the feeling of being watched. “I wouldn’t be so sure,” he says slowly. “I’ve seen many things on my journey and not all of them are easy to explain.” A mythical beast, Akutagawa feels his pulse quicken. He finally looks around, scanning the dense forest around them
Something might be out here, hunting people. He is going to find it.
Once again, Atsushi shrugs, uncaring. “I think he just crossed a hungry bear,” he says with an air of finality. Then, “We should go back. It’s getting dark.”
Atsushi is right. It’s hard to tell in the dim light of the forest, but the sun might be setting soon. There is little to do but to follow Atsushi back.
Once they reach the village, Akutagawa thanks his guide. Then he asks, “Where is the inn?”
Atsushi laughs at him. “We don’t get visitors here. Shibusawa stayed with Yosano when he was here. But I don’t think she has any patience for visitors left.”
When Akutagawa talked to her, the physician hadn’t mentioned the dead staying with her. Akutagawa files that information away for later. “....Do you know where I might sleep?” He brought a tent with him, but the nights in the cold on the way here had been enough for him.
Once again, Atsushi gives him a measuring look. Then, he smiles. “You can be my guest.”
***
The next morning, Akutagawa goes to see the physician again. He finds her back at her house and when she opens the door, she looks like she barely had any sleep. For a moment, Akutagawa hesitates. But finding out more about the dead man is more important than being liked by her.
“Good morning,” he greets her. “Can I come in?”
The physician - Yosano, he recalls - nods, and opens her door for him to enter. She leads him to a table and hands him something hot and bitter to drink. “What do you need?” she asks. “Want to see the corpse again?”
Akutagawa shakes his head and decides that the direct approach is the best one here. “I heard that Shibusawa stayed with you, while he was here. Is that true?”
Yosano watches him. “You are wondering why I didn’t tell you,” she guesses and then shrugs. “I didn’t think it was relevant. It hardly has anything to do with his death.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” Akutagawa replies. “I was hoping you could tell me about him. What he was looking for and how he was spending his days here. Maybe what kind of person he was.”
Briefly, he sees surprise on Yosano’s face. “You didn’t know him?”
Once again, Akutagawa shakes his head, and something complicated clouds Yosano’s expression.
“I see,” she finally says. “He was a polite guest but I don’t think he was very interested in spending time with anything but his books. Called himself a collector of some sort.” She pauses for a moment, before continuing. “He didn’t care much for people. He spent his days here searching the outskirts of the woods and pestering everyone living here with his questions. He seemed to be convinced there was some sort of legendary beast living in our woods.”
“Isn’t there?” Akutagawa still remembers the wounds on Shibusawa’s corpse. It didn’t look like anything he saw before.
Yosano laughs. “I think he was just unlucky and startled an ill-tempered bear out of its slumber.”
It would be a convenient explanation but Akutagawa doesn’t think it is this easy. Before he can ask anything else though, the door behind Yosano creaks open and a young girl steps into the room.
When she spots Akutagawa, she freezes ever so slightly. “I didn’t know we had guests.”
“Good morning, dear,” Yosano greets her with a gentle voice. “This is Akutagawa, the man inquiring about Shibusawa’s death. He’s staying with Atsushi.” She turns back to look at Akutagawa. “Akutagawa, this is Kyouka.”
“Your daughter?” he asks politely. He suddenly feels like he isn’t welcome here.
“No,” Yosano replies, and Akutagawa doesn’t stay for much longer after that.
He spents the rest of the day scouting the edge of the woods. He hopes to find anything that might prove that Shibusawa mythical beast might have been real.
But the snowy ground has barely any tracks and not one is large enough to be more than a fox. The realization that he might have to spend much more time here than he expected, grates on him.
Without an inn or any sort of place to rent, he is entirely dependent on the village’s goodwill, on Atsushi’s goodwill. Akutagawa doesn't want to overstay his welcome. Still, when the sun starts to set, he gives up and returns to Atsushi’s home.
***
The next day is very similar to that, except this time Atsushi joins him on his trip into the forest. With a guide, Akutagawa can venture much deeper into the thicket. He’s still looking for any sign of a large animal as Atsushi chatters away by his side.
It strikes Akutagawa that Atsushi seems at home under the trees. Whatever predators might be lurking here, it’s clear that Atsushi is not all that worried. He spends his time pointing out little streams of icy water. “There’s a big river deeper in the forest,” he explains as if he’s been there hundreds of times.
Maybe he has. “Aren’t you worried about encountering whatever killed Shibusawa?” Akutagawa asks and Atsushi almost trips over his own feet. It’s as if Atsushi forgot about the recent death until Akutagawa said something.
“No,” he finally replies, after he steadies himself. “I don’t think the creatures of this forest would attack if you don’t provoke them.”
It’s a naive way of seeing it. But Akutagawa holds his tongue. After all, Atsushi is still alive and wandering these woods.
They don’t find much that day either and Akutagawa feels unrest growing in his chest.
***
In the morning, Akutagawa gets up as soon as the sun rises. He grabs his bow on the way out. The last day they passed a small clearing on their way deeper into the woods and Akutagawa finds his way there.
With what he knows of the village, he won’t be disturbed here, so he settles into the familiar stance and practices his archery on the trees that surround him. Two days are, of course, not enough time to fall out of practice but Akutagawa doesn’t want to take any chances.
He remembers the gashes on the corpse and draws his bow again. Then, he hears steps behind him. Whirling around, he points the arrow at Atsushi who raises his hands in surrender.
“You were gone,” Atsushi says, while Akutagawa lowers his weapon. “I wanted to make sure you weren’t lost.”
“I’m not that hopeless,” Akutagawa replies. He doesn’t mention that he doesn’t dare to go any deeper into the woods.
Atsushi just laughs. “Mind if I watch you for a bit?”
“Go ahead,” Akutagawa tells him and then focuses on his practice again. Or tries to. He can feel Atsushi’s gaze at the back of his head. It’s distracting and Akutagawa ends up missing more often than he would have liked.
Finally, he takes a break and turns to his spectator. He’s surprised by the raw want he sees in the other man’s eyes. Here is the chance to give something back and the words leave his mouth before he thinks about them. “Do you want to try?”
Atsushi nods and smiles so brightly that Akutagawa doesn’t have time to think whether this is a mistake or not. He hands Atsushi his bow, once the other reaches him. “Try it,” he tells Atsushi, only to watch him emulate Akutagawa’s own stance and failing spectacularly.
Akutagawa winces when the arrow sails past the treeline. It will mostly be forever lost to the forest now. “Not like that,” he corrects, when Atsushi looks like he wants to try again. “Straighten your back, keep your feet parallel.” Atsushi listens to him, correcting his stance. He looks a little stiff, but they can work on that.
Akutagawa gives an approving nod. “Now draw it all the way back to your face. Keep your elbow up. No— like that.” Akutagawa reaches out to lift Atsushi’s elbow higher and startles Atsushi into loosening the arrow. It crashes into the bushes to be never seen again.
“Whoops,” Atsushi smiles at him sheepishly. “Sorry, can I try again?”
“Help me to find them after,” Akutagawa tells him, and then. “Again.” This time Atsushi holds perfectly still when Akutagawa corrects him. He lifts up Atsushi’s elbow again and puts a hand on his back to keep him straight. He expects Atsushi to tremble with the effort to keep the bow-string taut but Atsushi stays perfectly still.
“Now, you can let go, but don’t move until it hits the target,” Akutagawa explains and watches as Atsushi follows his directions. This time the arrow flies in a straight line. It grazes the edge of the tree they were using as practice with an echoing crunch. If this was an animal, it would be wounded now and Akutagawa feels a sudden swell of pride.
Then, he realizes how close they are. His chest is almost touching Atsushi’s back, his hands are still resting on Atsushi’s body. His lips are close enough to Atsushi’s ear, that Atsushi must feel his breath with every word he speaks. Atsushi is trembling now.
Akutagawa pulls away as if he suddenly burned himself. “That was a good attempt,” he says, in hopes to distract himself from how warm he suddenly is. His throat feels tight. “Now help me get back my arrows.” He takes back his bow and Atsushi smiles at him with bright eyes and takes off into the woods.
Akutagawa follows him at a slower pace, collecting his own arrows stuck in the bark. He notices the area Atsushi hit on his only successful attempt. A good chunk of the wood has been taken out, leaving resin oozing out of the tree. Atsushi might not be a particularly skilled archer but he’s much stronger than he looks.
That night, Akutagawa remembers that he’s been told that Atsushi is the village’s hunter. A hunter that can’t use a bow. There are more discrepancies in this place every day.
Akutagawa feels like there is something hidden from him. He does not like it.
***
In the morning, Akutagawa is restless. Once again, he sneaks out, while Atsushi is still sleeping. He tells himself that he doesn’t avoid Atsushi, not really. He is only doing the right thing. Akutagawa might not have much experience but he recognizes the stirrings of attraction inside him. On a mission like this, Akutagawa can’t afford any distractions and now that he realized how distracting Atsushi could be, it would be best to tread carefully.
So, he spends his morning talking to the other people in the village as soon as they begin to wake up. Even if he mostly gave up hope that anyone would tell him something useful, he still has to try. A man named Kunikida tells him that Shibusawa went into the woods every morning. A pair of siblings tells him that Shibusawa barely left Yosano’s house. Akutagawa can’t shake the feeling that he’s being lied to.
Then, he talks to Kenji. The boy looks barely old enough to be out in the cold chopping up wood, but he does it with an enthusiasm that has Akutagawa impressed. “Oh?” Kenji looks barely up from what he’s doing, cheerfully settling another piece on the block. “The weird guy?” Akutagawa nods. “Well, he kept asking all these things about our forest. And about us.” Kenji frowns and neatly splits the piece of wood in front of him. “He kept talking about Kyouka. What a creep.” Then, he pauses and shrugs. “Well, he is dead now.” He doesn’t sound sorry.
Akutagawa leaves him then. He has a lot to think about. When he first came here, he had the impression that Yosano tried to hide Kyouka from him. Shibusawa was interested in mythical beasts and had asked about her a lot.
Akutagawa will have to talk to her. That might not go over well.
Still, he looks around, to see if there is anyone else he could ask about what happened. To his surprise, he sees Kyouka, not far away from him. She is watching him with an almost unnatural calm.
Akutagawa realizes with startling clarity, that she reminds him of himself, and for the first time, he wonders why a girl like her might end up in a village like this, so far away from the rest of the world.
“You should leave soon,” she tells him, instead of a greeting and it almost sounds like she is trying to be kind. Akutagawa wonders if it’s a warning or a threat.
“You know something,” he replies and assesses her with new clarity. Whatever her past might be, Akutagawa has a feeling that he should not underestimate her just because she is still a child.
“I know that it would be best for you to leave,” she repeats with an air of finality and then turns her back on him. Akutagawa watches her walk away. They are similar, he knows that now.
It’s not a good thing.
For the first time, Akutagawa considers another possibility. He still believes that whatever Shibusawa was chasing is very real. But it might not be dwelling in the forest.
With a sinking feeling, Akutagawa realizes that the beast might be very well living within the village. He doesn’t like the idea.
Briefly, he considers leaving. But he can’t. He’s in too deep now. If he doesn’t solve this mystery, it would haunt him forever. He wants to know the truth, but he doesn’t know what he will do, once he finds it. First, he needs more evidence.
***
His plans get postponed when he wakes up to the howling of a snow-storm. It’s hard to tell, but Akutagawa thinks it might still be in the middle of the night. Not far from him, Atsushi sits up on his own bedding and turns to him. Akutagawa thinks Atsushi might be looking at him.
“Have you been up for long?” Akutagawa asks when Atsushi stays quiet for longer than he expected.
“Couldn’t sleep,” comes the reply. “The storm picked up a few hours ago. I think we might be stuck in here for a few days.” He doesn’t sound put out about it and Akutagawa suspects that that’s something that just happens on occasion here.
He still doesn’t like it, especially not now. It feels like he’s about to find out what truly happened to Shibusawa, what makes this village so special. He just needs a bit more time to find something to prove his sneaking suspicion. He doesn’t think anyone would believe him otherwise. But there is nothing he can do, and even he knows that it’s better to stay inside. Here, the fire keeps them warm, even with the cold trying to creep in through every nook and cranny.
Even covered with warm furs, Akutagawa shivers. “I’m trying to get some more sleep,” he tells Atsushi, turning his back to his host and closes his eyes. Sleep doesn’t come for a long time.
***
When Akutagawa wakes up again, he can still hear the wind howling through the woods. It becomes clear that he’s stuck here for the day, if not for longer. He doesn’t like that thought.
“Good morning,” Atsushi tells him, all cheerful energy, and presses a bowl filled with warm soup into his hand.
Mumbling his thanks, Akutagawa warms his hands on it before he decides to eat. “Did you get any sleep?” he asks between bites. Atsushi shakes his head and for a moment, a shadow passes over his face. It’s gone so quickly, that Akutagawa thinks he might have imagined it.
“The wind was too loud,” Atsushi offers as an explanation. He doesn’t look like a man that spent the night awake and Akutagawa feels envious for a moment. He is sure that he has dark circles that tell the world exactly how little good sleep he’s had. He can’t stop thinking about what might have happened in this place.
With a sigh, he gets up from his make-shift bed to wash his empty bowl clean. The moment he stands up, he can feel the cold and he shivers. Still, he cleans his bowl before settling down again. It’s not exactly polite to stay under warm blankets while his host sits by the fire, but Akutagawa finds that he doesn’t really care for manners at the moment.
Atsushi doesn’t look like he’s cold.
After hesitating for a moment, Akutagawa gets a book out of his pack. He doesn’t have the energy to talk right now. He almost expects Atsushi to be offended, but when he looks up again, Atsushi has settled by the fire with a piece of wood and a carving knife.
Suddenly, the book in his hand becomes a mere decoy. Akutagawa knows its contents by heart anyway, and it’s a different sort of entertainment to watch Atsushi carve. He’s so focused on his work, that he doesn’t even notice Akutagawa is watching him and Akutagawa keeps quiet as a small wooden figurine takes shape in Atsushi’s hand.
“You’re good at this,” Akutagawa finally breaks the silence. Atsushi yelps, clearly startled, and his knife slips up. Blood wells up on Atsushi's thumb and he sticks it in his mouth, glaring at Akutagawa across the flames.
“Don’t scare me like that,” he grumbles, but there’s no real anger in his voice.
“I didn’t expect you to be scared so easily,” Akutagawa replies before he can think better of it. He recognizes the teasing in his own voice as flirting and feels himself flush.
Across the room, Atsushi’s frown turns into a slow smile. “I guess you are special.” He’s looking at Akutagawa as he says it, clearly not ashamed by any implication he’s making. Akutagawa doesn’t know how to deal with that kind of bluntness, and after a moment, Atushi continues, “I’m not really good at it.” He points at the figurine in his hand. “I picked it up some time ago, but I still need a lot of practice. I made a rabbit for Kyouka this winter. It was the first decent looking one I made.”
“You two are close, aren’t you?” Akutagawa hasn’t seen them interact in his time at the village, but he was mostly focused on his own quest. Now, he regrets not paying more attention to the interactions between the villagers.
Atsushi gives an agreeing hum. “She’s like the sister I never had. Before she came to us, she had not a happy life. I don’t know much but as far as I know, she was trained— “ he trails off and gives Akutagawa a sharp look. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s not my place.”
Akutagawa nods, already turning this new information in his head. For what was Kyouka trained? He remembers the look in her eye and how much it reminds him of himself. He feels like he has an idea, but he doesn’t say anything else on the matter.
***
That night, the wind picks up again and Akutagawa is cold even under the furs that are supposed to keep him warm. He curls in on himself, as close to the fire as he dares, and hopes for sleep to find him.
“I can hear you shivering from all the way over there,” Atsushi says, long after Akutagawa thought he had fallen asleep.
“I’m not used to this damn cold,” Akutagawa snaps. He’s tense, the cold and his exhaustion getting to him. He takes a breath. “...that was uncalled for,” he mumbles more quietly. Atsushi is a gracious host after all. He doesn’t take any money from Akutagawa and still shares his house with everything in it.
Somewhere behind him, he hears a sigh, then movement. When another body slips under his blankets, Akutagawa freezes. “What are you doing?” he hisses quietly, not giving Atsushi the satisfaction of even turning around and looking at him.
“You’re freezing,” Atsushi tells him matter-of-factly. “Body heat will help you.” Akutagawa grinds his teeth together. He knows Atsushi is right. He knows that if something will get him warm in this freezing place it will most likely be Atsushi. But he is already too aware of Atsushi’s body next to his own, and they aren’t even touching yet.
This is a terrible idea. But Akutagawa is sick of being cold, so he inches back until he feels Atsushi’s body against his own. He’s very warm and Akutagawa is immediately envious.
Atsushi slips an arm around his waist and pulls him closer. Like this, Akutagawa can feel what he suspected since he saw Atsushi handling his bow. Atsushi is much stronger than he looks and Akutagawa wishes he wasn’t so aware of it. He wishes he didn’t like it.
His body is growing warm, and it’s mortifying. He’s not used to not being in control. Atsushi’s hand is warm against his stomach, and Akutagawa has the sudden wish that it would wander a little lower.
Then, Atsushi’s thumb moves against him, and Akutagawa takes a moment to realize that Atushi is stroking him, a casual caress that is far too intimate for people that barely know each other. He flinches and Atsushi immediately stops. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Did I overstep?” He tries to hide it but it’s clear that he’s nervous. Behind Akutagawa, he can feel how tense Atsushi suddenly is and he wants to laugh hysterically. It looks like neither of them quite knows what to do.
“I—” he starts, and then stops. If he’s honest, he doesn’t mind being touched by Atsushi. It feels nice. It feels comforting and safe. That’s exactly why Akutagawa should put a stop to this. He doesn’t want to. “It’s fine,” he finally says, trying to be calm and failing.
“Fine,” Atsushi repeats and exhales in something like relief. It tickles Akutagawa’s neck. Soon after, he falls asleep.
***
When he wakes up, Atsushi is already at the fire and in the middle of preparing food. Akutagawa isn’t quite sure if he is disappointed or relieved as neither of them acknowledges what happened that night.
Not for the first time, Akutagawa desperately wished the weather would finally settle. He’s not sure if he can stand being alone with Atsushi any longer. He is too aware of him, even as they don’t talk much. He doesn’t know what he might do.
But as the night creeps closer and the fire burns lower, Akutagawa realizes that he can’t run from this. He doesn’t like being cold. He misses the contact. He’s about to say something when Atsushi sits down next to him and hands him a cup of tea.
Or at least, Akutagawa thinks it's tea until he takes a sip and almost spits it out again. He doesn’t and he can feel it burning all the way down his throat and into his stomach. It’s alcohol, something strong and warm.
“Yosano made this,” Atsushi offers, with clear amusement. “We all react like that the first time.”
“You could have warned me,” Akutagawa complains, his throat still scratchy from the liquor. He takes another sip.
“Now where would be the fun in that?” With that, Atushi takes a sip of his own. His eyes water a little, and Akutagawa viciously hopes he chokes on the liquor. Of course, Atsushi doesn’t.
Instead, he looks at Akutagawa with an unfamiliar seriousness. “What will you do once you find the bear you’re looking for?” he asks. “Kill it and chase after the next thing? Is that how you live your life?”
Briefly, Akutagawa considers telling him off. It’s none of Atsushi’s business, not really and Akutagawa usually doesn’t like talking about himself. “Are we still pretending it’s a bear?” he says quietly into his cup. He feels Atsushi tense beside him. It only confirms what Akutagawa already suspected. Atsushi knows something as well and Akutagawa should hate him for lying. Instead, he keeps talking. “We will see. Hunting monsters is what I do.”
He glances at the man beside him. Atsushi’s face is unreadable. Akutagawa takes another sip of his drink and wonders if he’s making a huge mistake. “About Kyouka,” he says. “I know what you wanted to say. She was trained to do the dirty work for someone else, wasn’t she?”
The look on Atsushi’s face is answer enough and Akutagawa sighs quietly.
“So was I,” he admits. It feels good to acknowledge the past he’s trying to run from. “I killed so many good people before until I realized what I was doing..and that I didn’t want it.” He doesn’t mention how difficult his escape was. If Kyouka made it here, Atsushi probably knows enough. “Now, I’m trying to use my talents for something useful.”
“You are admirable”, Atushi tells him like he means it. “It must have been difficult to change.”
Akutagawa wants to brush him off. He feels heat in his face that has little to do with the warmth of the fire. So, he says: “What about you? How did you end up here?”
Atsushi smiles at him like he knows what he’s trying to do, but replies anyway. “They found me in the woods. No idea how I ended up there, but luckily it was not winter then. The village took me in, and here I am to this day. Not a very exciting story.”
Akutagawa nods, because he has no answer for this. He turns his gaze towards the fire flickering. He wonders if they will share a bed again. He wonders if it makes Atsushi as nervous as he is.
Then, Atsushi’s leg brushes his, and, startled, Akutagawa looks back at him. He’s suddenly very close. Akutagawa can see the fire reflected in his eyes, dyeing them in liquid gold.
“Is this okay?” Atsushi asks quietly.
Akutagawa doesn’t pretend he doesn’t know what Atsushi is talking about. He’s not sure he could even if he knows that this is a bad idea. Maybe the worst he’s ever had. He still can’t help but want it anyway.
He can’t bring himself to say it. So, he darts forward, a little too brazen and a little too hasty, and kisses Atsushi. Their noses are pressed together at an awkward angle. Atsushi almost falls back under his weight.
Then, Atsushi wraps an arm around his shoulders and Akutagawa tilts his head a little. Suddenly, their lips slot together in a much better way. Akutagawa shivers and it has little to do with the cold. He can taste that vile drink on Atsushi’s lips and something that’s entirely foreign. Akutagawa finds that he likes it.
He nips at Atsushi’s mouth, and Atsushi makes a helpless noise against him that is entirely too appealing. Groaning, Akutagawa pulls Atsushi closer, or he tries to. Atsushi doesn’t budge under his grip, only pulls him in instead. For the first time, it crosses Akutagawa’s mind that Atsushi might be stronger than him.
But he’s not about to give in this easily. So, he pulls back a little, taking in a shaky breath. Atsushi watches him with half-lidded hungry eyes. His lips are very red.
Deliberately, Akutagawa shifts his weight, raising up onto his knees. Atsushi reaches out to steady him, even if that’s not necessary. The feeling of Atsushi's hands on his hips is thrilling.
Still watching the other, Akutagawa slides onto Atsushi’s lap and wraps his arms around his neck. Then, he kisses him again. This time, he can feel the shiver running through Atsushi. He can’t get enough of it.
Kissing Atsushi is easy, far easier than Akutagawa would have expected it, and he loses himself in it. Atsushi can’t seem to stop touching him, hands wandering all over his body and Akutagawa finds that he likes it. He presses closer and then Atsushi makes a desperate noise between them.
He’s hard. Akutagawa can feel it pressing against his thigh. He realizes he’s not faring any better. He makes a noise in the back of his throat. It slips out without his control, far too needy and wanting. Atsushi pulls him closer, all the same, so Akutagawa rolls his hips against him.
Neither of them can muffle their answering groan. Akutagawa leans back in to kiss Atsushi, gripping his hair to hold him in place, so he doesn’t even think of stopping. But, at this point, neither of them can anymore.
It’s a messy, clumsy thing and Akutagawa has to grip Atsushi’s shoulder to stay steady. It’s dizzying. He feels like he’s losing his mind in the heat.
Atsushi is whispering sweet non-sense against his mouth, telling him he’s beautiful, he’s perfect. Akutagawa bites him to shut him up.
Both of them are too high-strung and desperate to bother with finesse. It doesn’t last long. When Atsushi tightens his grip around him, his words slurring together, Akutagawa finds himself peaking. He arches his back, legs wrapped around Atsushi, and one hand still fisted in Atsushi’s light hair as he shudders through his release.
A sudden pain only heightens the sensation and blearily Akutagawa realizes Atsushi bit him, right where his neck meets his shoulder. The mark will be visible tomorrow.
When he finally catches his breath again, Akutagawa drops his head against Atsushi’s shoulder. “Ass,” he grumbles. He realizes Atsushi must have come as well.
Next to his ear, Atsushi laughs. “You bit me first,” he replies, not sounding sorry at all.