Work Text:
Christmas on Chorus was very different to Christmas on Earth. The main difference being that Chorus’ day cycles were about two hours longer than Earths meaning that December 25th on Chorus was actually about a month later than Earth. Chorus’ years were shorter to but still out of ease between colonies they tried to keep somewhat synced with Earth. The other difference being that Chorus had been at war with itself for years. Only recently did they stop fighting each other and discover the real enemy.
Because of this the holidays were a strange time, very few people still had family to spend time with, and rations were low as was moral.
“Captain Donut what exactly are you doing?” Kimball called up at the lightish red soldier currently being held up on purple accented shoulders.
“Oh hi there Kimball.’ Donut said looking down at her, ‘well you see back when we were on Blood Gulch every year Doc and I would go around the canyon and decorate. And seeing as Doc isn’t here, which is strange because he didn’t show up for our yoga session today, Dr Gray agreed to take his place on the decorating committee.”
“Hello!” The Doctor called from below.
“Gray? You agreed to help decorate?” Kimball raised an eyebrow beneath her helmet.
“Of course, it’s been very enlightening. In fact Captain Donut was just telling me about the camp his father sent him to. In fact why don’t you tell me more about your friend Steven you met there?”
Donut giggled, “Well there was this one time where we snuck out at night to go down to the lake, but we both forgot our swimming trunks so Steven suggested that we…”
“And I’ve heard enough.” Kimball muttered as she turned to leave.
“Uh Miss Kimball?” Donut called out before she could walk away.
“That’s General Kimball.” She sighed as she turned back to face him.
“Sorry, General, well you see you’re kinda standing under some mistletoe.” Donut said pointing about his head.
Kimball looked up to where the soldier was pointing.
“You know the rules Kimball,’ Gray giggled beside her, leaning over to kiss her visor.
Kimball cleared her throat, “Just don’t add to many lights, don’t want to give away our position to much.”
“You got it boss!” Donut called after her as she finally managed to walk away, ‘Now where was I? Oh that’s right Steven and I decided that…’
---
“Here you go Katie.” The pink clad Private smiled as she handed the final candle to her teammate.
“Thank you Laura. There all done.” Lieutenant Jensen said stepping back from the simple Menorah she’d been making in the compounds mess hall.
The pink soldier sighed, looking at her friend as she smiled at her handiwork, “Beautiful!”
Jensen turned to face her, “Laura it’s made out of baked bean tins and emergency candles.”
Laura’s face turned the same colour as her shirt, “Uhh yeah I know, but still it’s pretty cool that you managed to make it.”
A loud clatter to their left saved the young woman from stammering more. They both turned to the direction of the noise seeing Bitters and Palomo arguing about something as Smith tried to get in between the two.
“You should probably go do something before those boys break each other’s noses again.” Laura laughed.
“Yeah, I’ll see you later kay?” she shook her head as she turned to the fight.
---
Bitters sat at one of the small tables in the mess hall eating his daily rations of potato stew and bread. Over the other side of the hall Jensen and her team mate were decorating the one wall Donut and Dr Gray had agreed to keep clear for Hanukkah related decorations. The rest of the hall was covered in crepe paper streamers in red and green, several paper snowflakes hung from the ceiling and there was a freshly cut tree over near the door which Captain Caboose was busy trying to cover with lights.
Bitters had been so caught up in watching the decorating that he didn’t notice Palomo sliding into the seat next to him.
“Would you rather the ability to fly, but only North, or the ability to teleport one foot at a time?”
The orange Lieutenant turned to the sound of the voice, “What the fuck are you talking about Palomo?”
“Captains Grif and Simmons were talking about terrible superpowers so I thought we could give it a go. So which one?” The Private smiled as he took a bite out of his bread roll.
Bitters watched him for a moment, he had to admit the guy looked really nice when he smiled. He shook his head pushing that thought to the back of his mind again. “Shut the fuck up Palomo.”
Palomo pouted “Come on dude I’m trying here.”
“What exactly are you trying here?” Bitters asked raising an eyebrow, trying not to think about how cute the other man looked when he pouted.
“Well its Christmas, or as close as it gets to Christmas around here, and I wanna start over. Make up for all the shit we fought about through the year.”
Bitters looked at the other soldier briefly, “Fine, we’ll start over. So did you only have stupid questions planned or something else?”
“Glad you asked Antoine.” Palomo grinned reaching into a small bag beside him. “You sir are gonna be my wingman.”
“Wingman?” That could be scary, he’d seen Palomo attempt to act as Captain Tucker’s wingman.
From the bag came a novelty headband with something green and white hanging from the end. Palomo put it on his head.
“See its Christmas right? So tada mistletoe, ready for any ladies that walk by. Speaking of which theres two fine ladies right now.”
Bitters followed the direction the other was pointing, Lieutenant Jensen and her team mate who Bitters only knew as ‘volleyball’ were putting candles up on old tins to form a makeshift Menorah.
“Seriously?’ the Orange Lieutenant asked chuckling, ‘what makes you think that’s gonna work?”
“What makes you think it won’t?” the younger man replied.
Bitters could list a whole lot of things, the main one of which involved the fact that from the way she acted around Jensen, Palomo was far from Volleyballs type and the last ending with the fact that he was starting to feel jealous of the attention Palomo was giving to the two girls and not him. Instead he just turned back to the other “It’s ridiculous, they’ll just laugh at you, and seeing as you’ve roped me in to this, laugh at me.”
“Nah man, come on it’s the rules of Christmas. Anyone standing under this,’ he pointed to the Mistletoe hanging between them, ‘HAS to kiss me. It’s like the law Bro.”
Bitters mouth twitched into a smirk, “So anyone under this,’ he made a point of shaking the green leaves between them, ‘absolutely has to kiss you. No exceptions?”
“No exceptions!” Palomo almost shouted back, crossing his arms to exaggerate the sentiment.
“Well then wouldn’t want to break Christmas law now would I?” Bitters said leaning forward to kiss his friend on the lips.
At the contact Palomo jumped back, falling off his chair. “Dude what the fuck?”
“Hey you were the one who said it was like Christmas law.” He laughed back, only slightly disappointed at how brief the contact had been.
“Well… uhh,’ The green Private stammered trying to think of a reply, ‘you weren’t supposed to uh kiss me.” He started to blush.
“Why, those were the rules right?’ Bitters leant back in his seat, taking a drink from his coffee, ‘Anyone under the mistletoe has to kiss right?”
“But it didn’t apply to you!’ Palomo shouted standing up. ‘Seriously dude, you got some secret crush on me or some shit?”
Bitters sputtered his coffee out, standing up he stood at least a head taller than the other, “As if, you’re so damn annoying dude. Maybe I should be asking you that. I mean you’re the one constantly finding excuses to hang out with me!”
Palomo scoffed, “Yeah right you don’t give a shit about anybody but yourself. Yeah you’re a real catch.”
Bitters pushed Palomo’s chest, knocking him back a step, “Well you’re to busy kissing up to your Captain to see anyone else anyway.”
Palomo pushed back, “Well YOU’RE to busy stuffing your face with your captain to talk to people about this shit!”
Bitters pushed again, “You never take anything seriously so what difference would it make?”
Before Palomo could push him again a large man in a blue shirt stood between them. “What on earth are you two fighting about this time?”
The both looked up at the sound of Smith’s voice.
“He started it!” Palomo called pointing to the Orange clad man.
“Pfft, bullshit. You’re the one with that stupid headband on.”
“It’s not stupid!”
“Yes it is you look like an idiot.”
“You both look like idiots to me.” Jensen laughed walking over to the three men. “What exactly is going on?”
Smith looked between the two men on either side of him, both growing redder with each passing second.
Palomo looked down at his feet, “He, uh, he kissed me.”
“Cause he’s wearing that dumb headband.” Bitters mumbled back.
Palomo’s head shot up “Yeah sure cause that’s the only reason why you did it.”
“Of course it is.’ Bitters replied, swallowing the lump in his throat, ‘What you think you’re so up yourself that I would willingly kiss you?”
Palomo’s shoulders slumped a little, before he laughed, “Uh yeah, have you seen this? I mean I can’t blame you for not being able to resist this.” He emphasized the statement by running his hands down his sides.
“Oh God please Palomo, I really didn’t need that image.” Jensen fake gaged which only caused Palomo to increase the gesture.
“Ok we get it.” Smith laughed letting go of the two soldiers shirts.
---
Across the mess hall Grif, Simmons and Tucker had been watching the confrontation.
“Uh guys do you think you should do something about your sqauds attempting to kill each other?” Simmons asked, thankful that his squad was over the other side of the room doing something else.
“$20 says Bitters manages to hit your guy.” Grif said between bites.
“Fuck that, Palomo’s a terrible fighter, you’d win.” Tucker laughed. “They remind me of you two though. The whole ‘to stubborn to admit your feelings’ crap that you carried on with for years.”
“Grif and I didn’t get that rough.” Simmons responded.
“Dude we could always hear your shouting matches from across the canyon.”
“That was because someone left his half eaten food all over our room!’ Simmons responded, turning back to Tucker again, ‘Besides you’re one to talk, you and Wash carry on worse than that.”
Tucker almost choked on his stew, “Wash and I? We’re not I mean ok maybe like once or twice but it’s not the same thing!”
Grif smirked “Oh yeah? So if we got you one of those dumb hats you wouldn’t wear it around Wash, I mean it’s a pretty good excuse for some smooches.” He wriggled his eyebrows.
“Heh yeah I know. This one time when your sister was still here I put it in my belt and…”
“Tucker I will fucking put you back in the infirmary if you continue that story.”
“Got it.”
---
Smith walked into Green barracks holding two mugs, “Ok so here’s your coco Kaitie.”
“Thanks John. Ok now that you’re here we can start.” She turned to the small pile of gifts to her side. “Ok this ones for you Antoine.” She said handing the neatly wrapped box over.
“Thanks, uhh I guess its my turn then.’ Bitters reached over pulling a present wrapped in newspaper out of the pile. “Smith, uh, John. This ones yours.”
Smith took his gift and pulled the next one out, “Charles this ones yours.”
“Well then lucky last Kaitie, here Happy Hanukkah.” He smiled handing the final gift over.
“Thanks Palomo. Ok so we all open them on 3 and then try and guess who had who ok? 1, 2, 3!”
Wrapping paper was torn off as the four opened secret Santa gifts on the floor.
“Oh fucking hell yeah!” Palomo shouted pulling a bag of gummy bears and chocolates from the paper.
Jensen laughed at the enthusiasm of the young man pulling her own gift, a small woven bracelet made from red and grey thread. “Oh wow, this is so sweet. Well I know it wasn’t from you Palomo it’s too nice.”
“Hey!” He pouted with a mouth already full of sweets.
“Oh nice, I’ve read through all the ones in my locker.” Bitters smiled flicking through the small novel.
Smith opened his present, a small photograph of the four of them taken a few weeks ago. “Ok now I definitely know this wasn’t from you Palomo.”
“Actually that one was mine.” Palomo smiled almost dropping gummy bears from his mouth.
“Wait really?” Smith raised an eyebrow.
“Why is that so hard to believe?” Palomo mumbled as he popped more gummy bears into his mouth.
Smith leant over to Palomo pulling him into a reluctant hug.
“Ok my turn to guess!’ Jensen bounced up and down on the spot, ‘John!”
“Nope, I can’t braid for shit.” Smith shook his head continuing to hold the other man in what had now turned into a headlock.
“You’re welcome.” Bitters said taking a dramatic bow to Jensen. “Had to trade one of my old books for that yarn.”
She held her wrist out to him so that he could tie the bracelet.
“So,’ Bitters asked as he worked on Jensen’s bracelet. ‘Smith?”
“Lucky guess.” Smith laughed finally letting Palomo free.
“Well that leaves Kaitie for me then. Best secret Santa ever!” Palomo grabbed at his sweets again.
---
Grif walked into the room he and Simmons shared throwing a hastily wrapped present at him. “Merry Christmas!”
Simmons looked up from his book at the package on his cot. “Still terrible at wrapping I see.”
“If you don’t like it I’ll take it back!” He fake pouted.
Simmons sighed reaching under the cot to pull out a neatly wrapped gift. “Here.”
Grif smiled tearing into the paper, Simmons sat back on his cot opening his own present.
“Dude where did you even find these?” Grif grinned pulling a packet of oreos out of the paper.
“I have my ways,’ Simmons smiled looking down at his own gift, a book, a bit worn along the spine. ‘Should ask you the same thing.”
“Lets just say I’m great at negotiations.” He laughed leaning down to the cot to kiss his teammate.
“Donut leave mistletoe around again?” Simmons laughed between kisses.
“Yeah but he didn’t make it into here yet.” Grif smiled as the two fell onto the cot.
---
“Hey have you seen Captain Grif around?” Matthews asked sitting on the bench outside of Gold barracks.
“Uh I saw him and Captain Simmons go into their quarters and judging from the sounds coming from that direction they’re gonna be a while.” Bitters replied barely looking up from the book he was reading.
“What… Oh OH.”
“Yep”
“So uhh… having a good Christmas?”
Bitters let out a long sigh closing his book. “What are you doing?”
Matthews rubbed the back of his neck, “Trying to talk to you?”
“Fine, its been good, Smith gave me this book that I’m trying really hard to read.”
“Oh sorry.” Matthews kicked the snow at his feet.
Bitters lowered his head into his hands, “Sorry man, look lets go up to the mess hall. They’ll be starting dinner soon and its cold out here. Have you tried the coco yet?”
“Nope. Is it good?”
“It’s better than the eggnog. Uh don’t drink that, I’m pretty sure Gray’s treated like 5 people today.”
They walked in silence for a few minutes,
Matthews cleared his throat, “You remember that one Christmas like 5 years ago, just before the war?”
“The blizzard? Yeah man that was shit. But I got like a week off work.”
“My brother and I made this massive snowman, like 3 feet high, in the middle of the park.”
“Dude that was you? That thing stayed there for like two weeks. I took a guy to that park on a date and he said it gave him nightmares.”
Walking into the mess hall the two men stopped their conversation to watch Captain Caboose climb on to Smiths shoulders.
---
“Captain Caboose you need to stop moving so quickly.” Smith called up to his captain sitting on his shoulders.
“Yes Smith I know that but it is very high and I do not like being high.” Caboose grabbed at the other mans hair.
“Then maybe, and this is just a suggestion. Maybe we should get someone else to do this.”
Caboose gasped, “But the star is always my job.”
“Of course. Right. Ok well look I’ll hold onto your legs and you put it on the top ok.”
Caboose stretched his arms out trying to grasp the top of the tree to place the shiny plastic star on the top.
“Almost. There! Look Smith I did it! It is all ready for Santa!” Caboose said bouncing on his Lieutenants shoulders.
“Very good Sir now we just need to get you down.” Smith began to lower himself to make his Captains dismount easier.
“Yes you are right, I need to get down.’ He gasped, ‘Because we need to get milk and cookies for the Santa man! Hurry Smith quick!”
Caboose tumbled off his shoulders and began dragging him towards the kitchen to gather supplies for Santa.
---
Washington walked into the mess hall and was immediately stopped by Caboose.
“Oh hello Wash are you going to help find cookies?”
He smiled at the younger man and his surprisingly eager Lieutenant. “Uh not this year Caboose, besides you already have a helper.”
“Oh yes Mister Smith is very helpful. Bye Wash!” Caboose smile spread from ear to ear as he continued to drag Smith into the kitchen.
A voice to his left stopped Wash again. “Sup?”
“Tucker?’ he burst out laughing as he noticed the ridiculous contraption on the other man’s head, ‘What in the world is that?”
“Swiped it from Palomo. That kids got some weird shit in his footlocker.” Tucker shuddered.
“Coming from you that’s hard to believe.” Wash smirked, tapping the little bunch of leaves hanging off the band. “What exactly is it?”
“Mistletoe.” Tucker replied wriggling his eyebrows.
“OH,’ Wash began to turn red making his freckles stand out more. ‘so uh what’s your plan with it then?”
Tucker smiled, “This.” He closed the distance between himself and the older man.
---
“Agent Caroline!” Caboose came running around the corner.
“Yes Caboose?” She had learnt to just go with the different names that Caboose gave people.
“Is Church here I need to ask him something very important.” He hopped from one foot to the other.
“Yeah I’m here.” Epsilon stated flickering online.
“Ok Church I have a very important question.’ Caboose said leaning into his friends hologram. ‘Does Santa like choc chip or gingerbread cookies better?”
“Uhh I dunno. Sis what do you think he’d like more?” the AI asked turning to Carolina.
“What?’ she scowled before looking up at Caboose, her face softened a little. ‘Gingerbread.”
“Oh yay thank you Agent Caroline.” Caboose shouted back as he ran to the kitchen again.
“You’ve got an interesting friend there.” Carolina smiled going back to cleaning her gun.
“Yeah he’s something. Uh hey I’m gonna go offline for a bit ok, got some stuff to sort out.”
“Sure thing, I shouldn’t need you today anyway.”
Inside his own head Church was suddenly ambushed by a small pink and purple version of himself. “Is it really Christmas tomorrow?”
“Yes Theta it really is. Jez why are you so excited?”
“Technically you are the one who is excited.” The green figure beside him added.
“Why would I be excited D? It’s just another day.”
“It’s not just another day, its Christmas! We get presents and Santa comes and there’s lots of food!” Theta jumped around throwing little fireworks into the air.
“Hey who said you get presents? and we can’t eat, hologram remember.”
“We’re not getting presents?” Theta sunk to his knees.
“You’re just gonna have to wait until tomorrow to see.”
Theta jumped back up again, “Hey it’s not nice to trick me like that.”
---
“Oh my not a day off for you is there Agent Carolina?” Dr Gray sat next to the former freelancer.
“Not in years.” The red head replied.
“That can’t be good for your stress levels.” The Doctor added stretching out on the seat next to her.
She laughed, “Believe me my stress levels couldn’t get any higher.”
“Well it’s a good thing that I got you this for Christmas.” The smaller woman said cheerily holding out a small bag.
Carolina stared at the bag for a few moments, “You what?”
“Well I was going to leave it until tomorrow but well you look like you need it as soon as possible. So here!” She said pushing the bag into Carolinas hands.
“Uh thanks.’ Carolina said looking into the bag, several small bottles of what looked like lotion and soaps. ‘What is it?”
“A mix of products scientifically engineered to help relieve stress.
Carolina stared at her, “Thanks Gray. This is uh… really nice. Thanks.”
“No problem!,’ She stood up, ‘Now if any of those give you a rash or cause sudden swelling come see me straight away!”
---
The next day was buzzing with chatter as everyone found a seat in the mess hall. The kitchen staff had managed to use what few rations were left to give a fairly large meal to everyone.
“My my Kimball I must say your troops surely do know how to cook.” Doyle chuckled sitting next to his former enemy.
“Well I can’t take all the credit, your guys are in there to.” Kimball smiled looking around the room at the doubled amount of soldiers.
“Yes, well heres to bringing down those backstabbing mercs!” He toasted holding his mug of coco high.
Kimball smiled clinking her glass of wine with the thick mug.
---
“Church Church this ones for you!” Caboose grinned shoving a present into the hologram that was his best friend.
“Thanks buddy can you open it for me?” He was sitting on Carolinas shoulder and focusing on helping his other personality fragments appear. Theta and Delta were to his left playing with the new ‘dog’ he had gotten by convincing Caboose to let him turn freckles into a real dog. The twins were sitting on Carolinas other shoulder talking quietly between themselves. Gary was flicking between the reds and blues telling bad jokes.
Caboose opened the present and held it up to Church. “See it is a scarf!”
“I think that might be a bit big for me.’ Church laughed, ‘Give it to Lina, she’ll like it.”
“Ok!” Caboose shouted throwing the scarf around Carolinas shoulders.
Wash laughed as she scowled before allowing herself to smile.
Grif and Simmons sat beside the tree flicking through photographs of themselves and Sis.
Tucker wrapped his arm around Wash’s waist as he waited for the next round of presents to get handed out.
Sarge and Lopez walked back to the floor with a tray of hot coco for each of their teamates and former enemies.
Donut played Santa as he and Caboose ran around the room delivering presents.
---
Halfway across the planet things were less festive. Drills continued, or they would if Felix actually showed up for them. Locus was beginning to grow tired of his partners amazing ability to disappear at training times. He walked down the hallway to the man’s room slamming the door open.
Only to find it empty. He let out a short sharp breath before turning on his heel and walking out again. As he neared his room he heard… music?
Locus slowly opened the door, unsure of who would be playing music in his room and why was it so festive?
As he opened the door he noticed the tangle of red on his mattress as well as the heavily pierced face within said tangle.
“What exactly are you doing?” he asked deadpan. Looking closer he saw that the tangle of red was actually satin ribbon tying Felix’s feet and hands together. He also noticed the extremely short red and white skirt that he didn’t doubt was the only thing the other was wearing.
“All I want for Christmas iiiiiissss yooooooooou!’ Felix singsonged trying to wave his hands around as he did, forgetting that they were tied. ‘Now come untie me I’ve been waiting here for an hour.”
Locus grinned, “No I quite prefer you this way.” he turned around walking out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
“Locus you fucking son of a bitch come and untie me! I’m going to fucking kill you!” Felix’s slew of profanities followed Locus down the hall as he walked back out into the snow.