Chapter Text
1
~ t o n i ~
Toni tapped her fingers against the booth’s table while she glanced around the place in search of her friend. The harsh color lights flickered in different rhythms, blinding her and casting hues of pink, blue, and purple on the mass of sweaty bodies, swaying and bumping against one another to the music. The hotspot in LA was like a love child between a good'ol pub and a nightclub. Booths lined up against the front wall next to huge dark windows allowing her to see the growing line of people outside waiting to get in but kept those on the line from peeking inside. On the far corner, there was a game section with pool tables, darts, and TVs playing different sports, while the middle of the place, between the booths and the bar, acted as a dancefloor. The air was stale. A nauseating mix of sweat, alcohol and fried food.
Leave it to Fatin to drag her to a place like this. What was I thinking?
These days, being surrounded by people made Toni feel suffocated. It's not like she’d ever been a social butterfly, but after all the shit that went down over the past four years, the simplest task like going to the store brought unwelcomed attention to her. They’ve been victims of a petty woman’s experiment, but to those outside “The unbreakable 8” -as they were referred to- they were heroes. The ones to unite and conquer and help put an end to the cruelty of Gretchen Klein, a self-proclaimed feminist that left eight seventeen-year-olds stranded on a deserted island to work through their emotional traumas under an unforgiving environment. All to prove the superiority of a matriarchal society, going to unthinkable extremes with little regard for the repercussion. They’d survived, but not unscratched. They’d escaped the subsequent confinement of a bunker where they were played like puppets by researchers masked as FBI agents; there, only to help them through the trauma the island supposedly left them, undermining them and not noticing the girls were the ones playing the bigger game.
“Dude, I think we lost Fatin.” Dot said, speaking loud enough to be heard over the blasting music, bringing Toni out of her daze. “Who takes thirty minutes to get fucking drinks?” She stretched her neck as if in doing so, she could actually see beyond the sea of bodies. She looked back at Toni with a deep frown painted on her face. “Maybe we should go get her, strength in numbers and all that shit.”
Toni understood Dot’s unspoken worry. Everything was made public after their escape. TV coverage, news articles, social media, their faces were plastered everywhere. The investigation, the trial and the multitude of lawsuits that followed lasted over two years, keeping them on the front pages. Everyone wanted a piece of them. Answers to stupid questions, a behind the scene undisclosed snippet, not that there were many after the trial. Some even asked for pictures or autographs. Most times, people went a little overboard and although it’d been a year and a half since the end of the law process and the news coverage had ended, people still recognized and approached them. To a lesser extent? Yes. But with the same overwhelming intensity.
Toni smiled, hoping to reassure her friend. “Nah, she knows the owner. She’s probably busy flirting with him and forgot about us. Plus, this place is fucking packed.”
Dot scrunched up her nose. “Why are we here again?”
Toni chuckled and leaned back against the sticky leather of the booth. The AC unit doing a very poor job to freshen up the place. “I don’t know,” she shrugged, “because Fatin wouldn’t shut up about it?”
Dot chuckled and resumed the task of spotting the lanky brunette. “Speaking of the party animal.” She nodded towards the crowd and Toni followed her gaze.
Fatin fought her way out of the last line of sweaty bodies, protecting the drinks against her chest, careful enough not to ruin her expensive white lacy top. On one hand, she held a fancy pink drink with an umbrella on top, on the other, she balanced two beers gripping the bottlenecks in between her fingers.
When she finally stepped out of the crowd, she gave them a huge triumphant grin and stretched her arms, striking a pose. “Miss me bitches?”
“Fucking finally.” Dot reached out to help Fatin with the beers before setting back in place. “What took you so long? Were you brewing these?”
After pulling the hem of her ridden up black sequin miniskirt, Fatin sat next to Toni, bumping Toni's butt with hers, demanding space. “Actually, Leah called. I had to step out to the back patio to answer,” Fatin said, and smirked before adding, “and, I might’ve got caught up working to secure mamma some D for the night.”
That made them laugh. Fatin being unapologetically her, not giving a damn about what others might think or say about her. A quality that both Toni and Dot shared with her, but maybe without the enormous confidence Fatin also carried.
Toni shook her head, still chucking. “You’re unbelievable.” She reached for one beer sitting in the table center and brought it closer to her, the cool drops of condensation refreshing her heated skin.
“I know.” Fatin said and bumped her shoulder with Toni’s which made her roll her eyes.
God, she loved these girls. On the island, she’d clicked instantly with these two, or at least she hadn’t felt the urge to kill them the first few days when she’d still struggled to control her anger. It was a lot more than what she could claim about some of the others. One Texan girl in particular.
Dot grabbed her beer, ready to take her first sip but stop midway and sent a murderous look to Fatin. “Ow! What did you fucking kicked me for?” She reached down under the table, surly to rub the spot Fatin had apparently kicked.
“Don’t be fucking rude, you can’t drink yet. We need to make toast first.” Fatin reached for her own fruity drink, then she held it in the air in front of her, motioning to the others to follow suit, which they did not without sharing an eye roll first.
“To our tiny broody lesbian on fucking finally being of legal age to enjoy a drink outside the four walls of the house!” The tall brunette set her gaze on Toni, beaming with such warmth in her dark eyes that made Toni’s heart grow a few sizes in adoration. “Happy birthday, girl! We love you.”
“Cheers to that!” Dot replied and smiled as they clinked their drinks. “Happy birthday, brat.”
Toni smirked, bowing her head as heat rose to her cheeks, hoping it would go unnoticed to avoid the teasing nature of her friends. They never missed a beat when a teasing opportunity arose. Jerks! “Thanks” she muttered and took a sip of her beer, welcoming the cooling effect and bitter aftertaste the IPA left on its trail.
She didn’t enjoy being the center of attention, and in all honesty, she’d never cared much for her birthdays. With her mother in and out of rehab and her father a no show since day one, her childhood was far from normal. Jumping from one foster home to the next, wishing it would be safe enough there. All she’d ever cared during those days was food, a roof over her head, and surviving. Asking to be celebrated on her birthdays seemed a bit of a stretch. Marty -her best friend and only constant in her life- always had pushed and encouraged her to do something on that day. A dinner, a sleepover or a silly movie just between the two of them. Whatever it was, Toni appreciated her friend for it and agreed to it only because she knew it’d made Martha happy.
Fatin laughed with Dot about something happening on the dancefloor that Toni didn’t catch. She tapped on Fatin's wrist to get her attention. “What did Leah say?” she asked.
“Oh! She’s thinking about visiting for a few weeks during summer break next month” Fatin grinned, biting her lower lip and waggled her eyebrows. Those two together meant trouble, the good kind of trouble. It also meant a lot of sleepless nights and hangovers.
“Also, she tried to call you, but of course, your phone went straight to voicemail so, she asked me to wish you a happy birthday and make sure you charge your fucking phone once in a while. She’ll call you again, tomorrow.”
“Dude, you and phones!” Dot said, chuckling and shaking her head in amusement. Or was it disbelief?
“I know, I never find the stupid charger!” She crossed her arms and turned to glare at Fatin, “I wonder why is that? I always leave it plugged in behind my nightstand, and somehow it goes missing and I can’t seem to find it anywhere.”
“Sorry?” Fatin smiled the fakest smile on her arsenal and batted her long eyelashes while tapping her index finger on Toni’s forearm a few times before drawing random patterns, a move she always used to tame Toni when she got angry over something Fatin did. It always worked; she couldn’t stay mad at her.
Toni rolled her eyes as Dot laugh at their stupidity. “Whatever.” She took another sip of the god sent beer. “My phone died while I was facetiming with Marty. She wanted a day-to-day detail of what we’ve been up to, as always. It drained my battery.”
Dot and Fatin burst out laughing. Facetime with Marty always pertained of a thousand questions and then some. She was back home in Minnesota attending college. When Toni decided to move to LA with Dot and Fatin after her 18th birthday, they made a rule to always Facetime at least once a week. If they were around, the other two always jumped in on the call as well.
“Oh, I can’t believe we missed Marty time.” Dot said.
Fatin pouted. “How is it going with real life Marcus? I missed the latest chapter of my favorite romance Telenovela.”
Toni chuckled. As close as she was with Marty, as much as they shared with each other, when it came to love, Fatin was the confidant, the love adviser for her. Sometimes the sex therapist as well, a bonus Marty never asked for but got, regardless. Toni gladly stepped out of the way; love was not her forte. It was something she’d tried two times, and both occasions left her with a broken heart and even more trust issues. No, thank you.
“It's going well, still head over heels or whatever. He seems to treat her right, and she’s happy. That’s all I care about.”
Dot scoffed. “Of course, you do! You are the love Grinch. Ms. Casual, I don’t date, I just fuck.”
“Speaking of fucking,” Fatin draped her arm over Toni’s shoulder, bringing her closer, “there’s a cute redhead that’s been sending you heated looks ever since we got here. You might wanna add her to your booty call list. She’s fucking hot.”
Toni glanced over to the direction Fatin was looking. At the same time, Dot whirled around on her seat to gawk as well. Talk about discretion. Smooth, Dot. Smooth.
Fatin was right. Dressed in a tight army green dress that clung perfectly to delicious curves with legs for days. Her pale skin contrasted her wavy auburn hair, falling perfectly over her shoulders and framing a freckled covered beautiful face. The girl was absolutely gorgeous.
When her eyes reached the girl’s face, she was looking back at Toni. The goddess in green waved her fingers and winked playfully at her with a look in her eyes that screamed lust and guaranteed fun, maybe a savage night. Toni gave her a tight smile and looked away.
It was hard to meet new people. In her experience, most girls always wanted something in return. Whether it was the opportunity to claim they've slept with one of the unbreakable eight, or they wanted more than what Toni was willing to give, or asked too many questions she didn’t care to answer. Toni was always clear about her intentions with every casual partner -not that she had an army of those, but still. She didn’t do relationships, and she didn’t do friends with benefits either, not after a few bad experiences. The line with that arrangement was always blurry. What did the friendship part entitle, anyway? Were they supposed to hang out outside the four walls of a bedroom? Share their deepest darkest secrets; hopes and dreams? Nah, it always resulted in conflicted emotions and someone ended up hurt.
Toni took a few gulps of her beer. She couldn’t deny the temptation was there, but one thing the island experience gave her was control over her impulses. “She’s hot, I give you that. But I’m not interested.”
“Oh, come on! I’m even tempted to go there, drag her out of here and have my way with her!" Fatin said. When Toni quirked up a single eyebrow and Dot didn't react in shock either, Fatin defended herself. "Although I enjoyed my fair share of experiments with girls back in the day, I love dick too much to choose pussy over some good D. Though you queer folks definitively know your way around a woman’s body.” She raised her glass in a mocking toast. After a brief silence, she continued. “What a better birthday gift than a nice luxurious red carpet?”
Toni glanced at Dot, who mirrored her confused frown before staring back at Fatin. She took another sip of beer while she waited for Fatin to expand on the idea.
Fatin rolled her eyes and threw a hand in the air in frustration, as if her joke was obvious. “She looks like a natural redhead, I’m sure it matches with the curtains.”
Toni choked, almost expelling like a whale the mouthful of beer through both blowholes. Dot threw her head back and let what sounded like an inhuman howl rip from her throat. Fatin laughed proudly at her own joke -which made Toni adore the girl even more- flashing back and forth between the other two.
With the back of her hand, Toni wiped from her chin a trail of the drink that’d managed to sneak out. “Man, you’re funny.” She shook her head. “As I said, I’m not interested. I got that covered, and it’s the perfect arrangement to ensure minimum drama.”
“Eva?” Dot asked, raising both brows and glancing to Fatin, sharing a knowing look Toni couldn’t decipher.
“Yeah, Eva.” Toni responded with a mocking tone. The girls didn’t like Eva -she knew that much- but it didn’t matter to her. She wasn’t searching for their approval of a fuck buddy that spent only a few hours at their place when the need to get laid arouse. It was only that, a quick fuck. “She’s perfect. She’s good in the sack, kinky as fuck. She doesn’t ask questions or asks for more. She understands what our little arrangement is because she’s like me, she doesn’t do relationships. We keep things open and communication clear. I stay out of her business and she stays out of mine. She leaves the second we are done and doesn’t expect me to stay the night either. It’s perfect!”
Dot and Fatin shared that same annoying look, again. What was that all about? Fuckers!
“Toni, babe,” Fatin shook her head. “you’re so oblivious sometimes. That girl is so into you that is getting hard to be around her. It makes me want to give her a hug and make her a tea or something.”
Toni scoffed. It was so not the case with Eva. It couldn’t be. They’ve been sleeping together for over a year. If that were the case, surely Eva would’ve said something about it or just ended things before it got complicated. Sure, Toni wasn’t dead inside, even though their only connection was sexual, she cared about Eva, but not enough to give in and date her. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Eva is even more afraid of commitment than me.”
“I’m with Fatin on this one.” Dot said. When Toni tried to argue, Dot held up a hand telling her to shut it. “Eva is definitely head over heels for you. So much so, that she takes whatever little you give her if it means having a part of you instead of pushing for more and losing you over it.”
Toni paused. It was pointless to argue about something the other two didn’t know shit about. Eva lived alone, so most of the time that’s where they spent their limited time. Outside of their hookups, they never hangout let alone with the others. Fatin and Dot were drawing conclusions based on what? The handful of times each month Eva was at their place? The three words she’d exchanged with either of them on her way out? Ridiculous, that was what it was. Way to bring me down on my birthday. Anger management had its limits and, on this subject, hers was very narrow and fast approaching.
Fatin placed a hand on Toni’s thigh, squeezing it once. “Look, we know you don’t want to talk about this. We just want to see you happy. You’re like the most romantic person I know, even if you hide it well. We know you, we’ve seen you in love. You deserve the very best and nothing less. Someone capable of giving you everything you give to them and more. Now, I’m not saying Eva could be it, but you might want to consider opening your heart a bit. Who knows? Maybe your dream girl is waiting around the corner, but you are too damn afraid to see it.”
Toni’s heart dropped to her stomach. She wanted love, although she wouldn’t admit it to others, but it wasn’t worth the pain it caused. People left, that’s what they always did. Her own parents didn’t love her enough to stick around for her. When people got bored, or she became too much to handle, too damaged to deserve love, they ran away as fast as they could. It’d happened time and time again.
She looked from Fatin to Dot, who nodded in agreement. So that was what those looks they’d shared were about. As gently as she could, she grabbed Fatin’s hand and removed it from her lap, squeezing it once before placing it back on Fatin’s own lap. “If you two are done with the offhand intervention and don’t mind, I would love to drop it and move on. Let me enjoy the rest of the night without the therapy session.”
After a moment Fatin smiled. “You’re right. Sorry. It’s your birthday. You’re fucking 21, we should get you drunk!” She snapped Toni’s beer from the table, shook it, and then lifted it to eye level. “You’re running low. I’ll go by us another round.”
********
The rest of the night ran smoothly. They had a few drinks and kept the conversation light. Teasing and joking around, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Soon, all the background noise of the place, the few curious eyes that landed on their booth, all the problems running around in Toni’s mind and the anxiety of being surrounded by so many people, faded into nothing. It was just the three of them, having a nice night out.
As they walked back the sixteen blocks to their house, Toni remained silent. Too tired, too buzzed, and too up in her head to take part in whatever conversation Dot and Fatin were having. Not that they talked much either. It was a beautiful late spring night. The breeze perfect. Not too warm to bother and cold enough to help Toni sober up a bit. The sky was clear without a cloud in sight, full of barely noticeable stars with the stupid city lights polluting and diminishing their power.
Admiring the stars had always soothed Toni. Back in Minnesota whenever she felt angry, frustrated or sad, she'd find a quiet place outside and lose track of time contemplating those powerful sparkling lights. It comforted her knowing no matter where life took her, no matter what placement the social worker found for her next or even the times she’d escaped her foster home, those lights would follow and stay with her, guiding the way and keeping her company. On the island, without a single artificial human-created light around, the stars seemed to multiply by a million. It was a sight to behold. So fucking breathtaking. Nothing would ever compare to that view.
Toni silently sighed and rolled her eyes. How messed up was that?
Her mind went back to memories of the island almost every day. Shouldn’t be those days hard to revisit? Why did she always found comfort and happiness when thinking about that place? Guilt and shame washed over her. She felt like a freak who couldn’t grasp the magnitude of what they went through. The thing is, the island had changed the reality she was living. It took her out of a bad situation with a bleak future ahead. Also, it added six new important people to her desolated life.
Within their time stranded on the island, the eight of them had created an unbreakable bond. They all had their demons, like every other human. They were vastly different people, yet they all had something in common, resilience. The need for survival made them push through their issues. Sure, sometimes they wanted to kill each other, but learned to work together as a well-oiled machine. They protected one another while being oblivious to doing so. They’d found a community. They found support and developed a bond that would never break. Not entirely. Even now, being miles apart in different parts of the country.
No one but them would ever understand what they went through. No one would understand them without thinking of them as damaged or crazy. The experience on the island had changed them forever, not because of the trauma that inflicted -which it was; traumatic- but because the freedom they felt there. They grew into better, more centered people. They found each other. They found themselves. Being disconnected from everything, put their real life problems in perspective. Credit to fucking Gretchen. Her little experiment had worked wonders for them and their development. Although they would never admit it to others, or even talk about it among themselves, it was an unspoken fact.
All-consuming anger, striving for unrealistic perfection and dealing with trusted upon beliefs, overwhelming responsibilities, the pressure of belonging in a cruel society with unbelievable standards, trying to mend and piece together a broken heart over the loss of that first love. It all became like children's games compared to the sole focus of surviving. Of staying alive with scarce resources, without shelter, completely exposed. Vulnerable to unforgiving natural conditions without a way out. She still could feel the sun piercing through her skin. The unbearable dryness of her lips and mouth. Hunger so big it seemed like the brain triggered a defense mechanism to make her forget about it. It made her -at some point, stop feeling the heavy emptiness on her stomach, until food was presented in front of her and then everything went to hell and the feeling came back.
Often, she wondered where she’d be now had that experience never happened. Homeless? Following her addict mother's steps? With nothing to her name, fresh out of a system that abandoned kids as soon as they aged out.
It didn’t matter now. The lawsuits had left them with a heavily loaded bank account. Everything she’d ever worried about was taken care of with something as shallow as money was. It had been a necessity most of her life. Food, a bed to sleep at night, money to go to the doctor in case of an emergency were things she’d never took for granted growing up. Now she didn’t have to waste a second worrying about it, and she felt a bit lost. Completely stuck in life, not knowing what came next or what to do. For the first time in her life, getting by wasn’t what motivated her. Neither did money.
She lived in a beautiful house by the beach in a great neighborhood with two of her best friends. She had a great medical insurance, a pantry stocked with enough food to feed a small village, and enough money to sit back and enjoy the rest of her life without having to work a single day. Boring! That wasn’t her, she wasn’t a 'sit back and enjoy' type of gal. Toni wanted to do something meaningful with her money. She’d made a few donations to kids organizations over the last two years, but she had this nagging gut feeling she was given the money to do more with it. What? She didn’t know. A thought for another time. Now she needed to put that aside and focus on finishing the sports center project she’d been working on for the past six months.
Fatin grabbed her arm for support as she tripped over a loose sidewalk tile, bringing Toni back to reality. “Fuck!” she glared at the cement object.
Dot laughed hysterically, her eyes watering. “Are you sure you’re ok?” she asked Fatin. “First you refuse to leave with the guy you’ve been chasing after for weeks to go home with us, and now you lost all ability to walk properly.”
They were only a block away from the house.
“Well, I couldn’t leave my parents to walk home alone at night. What kind of daughter would that make me?” Fatin put her arms over Dot's and Toni’s shoulders in a loving side hug, her height gave her the advantage over the other two. “Admit it. You’d be lost without me.”
Toni chuckled and set her gaze on Fatin. “Yeah, yeah. Like we are supposed to pretend that you don’t enjoy the chasing game as much as you do sex?” She shook her head. A wicked smile appeared on Fatin’s lips as she dropped her arms to her side. Toni continued. “That poor dude spent half of the night giving you free drinks for the three of us, and all he got in return was some nice and shiny blue balls.”
Dot threw her head back laughing and Toni followed her, making eye contact behind Fatin’s head.
Her laughter died fast when Fatin snapped her arm over Toni’s stomach, stopping their stride and knocking the airflow out of her lungs. “What-”
“Guys look.” Fatin whispered. She pointed to a figure in the shadows in front of the gate of their house.
Toni couldn’t see very well. It was obvious it was a person squatted in the ground. Maybe sitting over something, with their elbows planted on their knees and their head hung low between their arms.
It wouldn't be the first time they came home to a homeless or drunk person sleeping there. A few times the police had to come over to move them from their gate.
Dot groaned. “Not again. Damn it!” They exchanged a few glances and slowly approached the bump in the shadows.
“Hey!” Dot said. “Can we help you?”
As soon as the person lifted their head, causing the street light to cast a weak light over their face, Toni’s heart wanted out. Hammering against her ribs and echoing in her head. Blonde hair in a messy bun, puffy irritated gorgeous green eyes, divine pink full lips that lifted at the corners in a soft smile…
“Hi there. I didn’t know where else to go.”
… and a Texas twang Toni would recognize from miles away. A voice so soft and sweet it still hunted her every night.