Chapter Text
I could not remember the last time I had been so cold. Garreg Mach was hardly the chilliest place, but it was somehow far colder than my home. Of course, I was sure the people of Faerghus were far colder than myself. I leaned back against the shingles, eyes scanning the stars and arms loosely wrapped around myself in an attempt to hold my warmth to me.
All was quiet on this night, but that wasn't surprising. Seteth was pacing the grounds for hours after curfew to ensure that all the students had gone to bed, meaning that the only noise was the occasional sound of him telling stray students to get to bed. I wasn't too worried about getting caught, though. He only walled around the front of the dorms, searching the ground for wayward teens to send to bed. I was safe on the roof opposite of that, slanted slightly downward and facing one of the brick walls that surrounded Garreg Mach.
Never in all my life had I dreamed of coming to a place like this. I had come from a somewhat wealthy house in the Alliance territory more out of obligation than anything else. That wasn't to say I didn't enjoy the academy or the chance to make friends. Each day was another crazy ride full of conflicting personalities and attempts to become closer with my classmates. If it was connections my parents wanted, then I supposed I could at least try to get along with the others, even if it meant stepping out of my comfort zone a bit.
"Something on your mind?"
The sound of someone else's half-whispered voice jolted me into sitting upright, my head whipping to the side to meet Sylvain's eyes. He offered me a somewhat apologetic smile and took a seat near me, almost taking care to remain out of my personal space.
"Um...just couldn't sleep is all," I lied, pulling my knees up a little so I could rest my arms on them. "I wanted to come out here for a bit."
"Why to the roof? I know plenty of other spots for some peace and quiet that are a little less dangerous than this one."
I smiled at that, eyes still focusing on the night sky stretched out before me. "I...It's kinda silly," I told him, nervously toying with my fingers. "Promise not to laugh?" I turned my head toward him, seeing Sylvain nod in response.
Once more, I laid down on my back and turned my gaze to the sky, arms crossed under my head and legs still bent at the knees. "There's just something so calming about the stars," I admitted to him. "Ever since I was a child, I've loved to lay under the stars." I giggled softly as memories from my childhood briefly flashed through my mind. "When I was five, I once tried to count every single star in the sky when my parents indulged in a midnight picnic for me. My father told me I got into the thousands before I fell asleep, and then I began to count them in my sleep as well."
The shingles shifted as Sylvain moved, seeming to lay down in the same way as I was. "I don't think that's silly," he replied, voice a little quieter now that he wasn't facing me. "The stars really are beautiful. Of course, not quite as beautiful as my company, but still."
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Not gonna work, Gautier. I know better than to fall for your tactics."
Sylvain chuckled, then let out an obviously fake, love-struck sigh. "To be denied by a beauty such as yourself truly wounds me," he spoke in his familiar impression of Ferdinand, earning a small laugh from myself.
"Stop," I spoke around my giggles, removing one arm from under my head to lay it over my stomach as a small shiver ran down my spine. It was only getting colder the longer I laid there, I realized. Still, I did what I could to surpress another shudder.
"It's getting colder." Sylvain's voice cut through the chilly silence, though I wasn't given enough time to respond before he sat up. I didn't look over to him, thinking he was going back to his dorm before it became too cold to stay out there.
I was proven wrong when something invaded my vision for a moment. I lifted my head to see Sylvain had removed his jacket and placed it over my torso. "Sylvain," I scolded, trying to hand it back to him, "you're going to freeze!"
He stopped me with a hand on my arm, smiling down at me. It was only then that I realized he had moved to sit a little closer to me, no within arm's reach. "Are you forgetting that I grew up in Faerghus? This would be considered a Summer heat wave back home."
My shoulders relaxed a bit, grip on his jacket loosening as he laid it over me once more. Yes, his birthplace had slipped my mind for a moment, though knowing that he wouldn't be cold made me feel a bit better about taking his jacket. As he laid back down next to me, close enough to reach out my hand if I wanted, yet far enough to still be somewhat distant, I allowed myself to sigh.
"May I...ask a personal question?" I asked softly, startling even myself with how sudden the question was. Sylvain, it seemed, was a little less surprised, answering me only a couple moments later.
"Sure," was his short reply.
I chewed my lip, the arm on my stomach tightening a little as I let my mind run away with me. "Do you like your parents?"
There was silence after that, but it was to be expected. Everyone knew that the Gautier's weren't exactly a picture perfect family, especially after witnessing what Sylvain's brother had turned into due to the mistreatment from his parents. No one talked about Miklan after the incident, out of respect to Sylvain if nothing else.
The red haired noble sighed. "That's a tough one," he finally spoke. "I mean...they raised me, you know? Gave me everything I needed to grow up. Took care of me. But..."
He went quiet for a second, and I felt as though I knew where his reservations came from. "But...they also did a lot of bad things. They would always favor me over my brother because of my crest. At home, they would force him to work and tell him he had to earn his place in the family, but I didn't have to do anything just because I had a crest. Whenever we would visit other nobles, they would always make him stay home or wait outside so they could show off their crest-bearing son to everyone there. Once, I remember him sneaking into a gathering we were at and trying not to let us see him, but he wasn't quite sneaky enough. I didn't see him for a few days after that, but I just knew my parents had done something awful to him as punishment."
As his words came to a slow stop, I removed the arm from my stomach and half offered it to him, palm upward. There was a short moment before I felt him take my hand in his, his fingers soothingly warm.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have asked."
He squeezed my hand in his own. "Don't apologize. If it bothered me too much, I wouldn't have answered."
The lights in the sky twinkled down to us, like flickering lanterns that couldn't quite be blown out by the howling wind. Clouds rolled across the horizon, stretching as far as I could see.
"Can I ask you something?" Sylvain barely cut the quiet, voice now much softer than before. I gently tightened my grip on his hand for a moment rather than replying verbally. "What about your parents?"
I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, another shiver running down my spine that had nothing to do with the cold. My family...
"...I don't know," I responded, surprised at how calm my voice was compared to the thoughts that ran through my mind. "I mean, it's like you said. Our parents raised us. Gave us what we needed to survive. Sometimes, I even let myself believe that they actually liked us, but...I could tell that they never got over having three daughters and no sons. My older sisters, they really got the worst of it - both of them were forced to stay home while I managed to get into the academy here. I get to stay here and go to class and make friends, but they're stuck at home, being forced to meet with stuffy nobles and assholes...no offense.
He chuckled, though there was no humor. "None taken."
"It's just that...I don't think they ever truly cared about us as their children. More than that, I think they always cared about the ways they could use us for their own gain." My hand tightened in his own as my heart pounded. "And they didn't even ask me..."
"Ask you about what?"
My jaw clenched as I fought back my own tears. How was I supposed to say this? How could I tell my best friend and crush that I...
"My parents arranged a marriage for me," I whispered, turning my head away from him so he couldn't see that my tears had fallen. My hand slipped from Sylvain's as I laid on my side with my back to him, wrapping my arms around my torso in a futile attempt to comfort myself. "I got a letter this morning that said they were offered a lump sum from some noble in the Ordelia territory. Once I've graduated, I'm gonna have to spend the rest of my life with a total stranger..."
I couldn't hold back the tears like I had, covering my mouth with a hand so I wouldn't sob. A hand reached out to me, turning me to face Sylvain. I wrapped my arms around his torso and let myself cry into his chest, his hands gently rubbing circles onto my back. Try as I might to stop the tears, we stayed like that for a good few minutes, totally silent aside from my occasional sniffs and quiet sobs. Sylvain made no attempt to leave or push me away, simply letting me pour myself out to him.
"I'm sorry," I said softly after I'd calmed down a bit. "I didn't mean to...to cry or anything."
"Don't apologize," he said once more. His voice was a bit shakier than before, and I wondered if he had felt pity for me. "I understand why you would be upset, having your future chosen for you without any say in the matter..." I felt his arm tighten around me a little bit. "I guess it's the price we pay for being born."
"It isn't fair," I whispered into his shirt, lip quivering.
"...No...it's not."
With a final sniff, I realized how cold it was getting. Even with Sylvain's jacket and his arms around me, it was getting too cold for me to stay out there. Regretfully, I began to pull myself from his grasp until I was sitting up, wiping tears marks from my face as Sylvain sat up next to me. "It's cold," I said simply, arm outstretched in his direction to offer him his jacket. "We should go to our dorms."
He stiffly took his jacket from me, moving before me to carefully walk toward the wooden ladder that was propped against the roof. As I stood and collected myself, he began his descent.
By the time I had reached the ladder, he was already at the bottom of it, holding the sides to steady it as I cautiously went down the rungs. Once my feet were back on solid ground, he placed a hand on my shoulder and walked with me to the corner of the buiding. He glanced around to be sure, even though I was sure Seteth had gone to bed by then, before stepping around to the front of the building and guiding me to my dorm. When I was inside, in the somewhat warmer comfort of my room, he bid me good night and quietly shut the door.
As I laid in my bed and willed myself not to cry, Sylvain sat down at his desk and began to write a letter.
~~~
It was two weeks later that my parents wrote back to me, though the contents of the letter were shocking. I had to read the thing at least thirty times before I convinced myself that what I was seeing was real. My fingers tightened around the paper as my feet began to move on their own. Thankful that everyone else was out in town and wouldn't bear witness to my near furious state, I quickly found myself knocking on Sylvain's door.
He opened it a moment later, smiling down at me. It took a second before his smile faltered at the expression I bore. "Um...everything okay?"
I held the letter out to him, my other arm shaking at my side. "Explain this," I seethed, watching him falter as I stepped into his room, leaving the paper in his hand as he closed the door behind me. I watched his eyes skim over the contents of the letter, then he turned to give me a sheepish smile.
"Uh...surprise?"
"Surprise?! Surprise?! You sent a letter to my family and asked to marry me and all you have to say is 'surprise?!'"
"Okay, wait, let me explain!"
"What?! What reason could there possibly be for you to do this, huh?"
His empty fist clenched at his side. "I...I couldn't watch you be forced to marry someone who didn't care about you," he quietly admitted, face turned away from me. "You deserve better than that."
"So what, you want to marry me because you pity me?"
At the venom in my words, he turned to fully meet my gaze dropping the paper onto his desk as he took two steps closer to me. "Pity you?" he asked. "You think I did this because I pity you?"
"What other reason could there possibly be to-"
"Have you considered the possibility that I might care about you?" His interruption stopped me short, though my arms still shook as he met my gaze with his own peircing eyes. "Like I said, I couldn't just sit here while you were being sold off to some stranger like an object."
"So you decided you'd rather buy me instead."
"No!"
He placed his hands on my upper arms, his hold gentle despite the emotion and anguish in his voice. His fingers curled around my arms, holding me in place even though I wasn't going anywhere.
"I...I care about you, okay? I really do."
"...You've said that to just about every girl in the monastery."
"But I've never told you until now," he said.
"So how am I supposed to believe you?"
"..."
"...Right." I stepped back and out of his grasp, trying to walk around him and to the door. "The I suppose the next time I see you will be our wedding night."
He reached out to grab my wrist, still gentle in his touch and leaving me room to pull away if I wanted. "Wait, let me try to explain! Please!"
I stood in the spot, keeping my arm at my side as he began to speak.
"I've never told you that I care about you because I knew you wouldn't believe me," Sylvain admitted. "I mean...have you ever wondered why I never asked you out?"
"Because you didn't like me."
"No, because I do like you, but I convinced myself that I wouldn't be enough for you. You're a sweet girl...you never cared about my title or my crest or my reputation, you just wanted to be my friend. And you were always there when I needed someone to talk to, even when I felt like I didn't deserve it. I told myself that I would never ruin my friendship with you by breaking your heart, so I never told you how I feel. I was fine to be your friend, even if I had to watch you fall in love with someone else, but...hearing that you would marry some total stranger against your will made me realize that I can't let something like that happen." He moved to stand in front of me, taking both of my hands into his own. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before, and I'm sorry that I didn't ask before writing that letter. I just thought...I don't know."
My eyes fell to floor, looking at his shoes. "...You mean it? You really care about me?"
He squeezed my fingers in his own. "Yes, I mean it. I promise I don't go around proposing to just any girl."
This managed to pull a laugh from me, though I tried to cover it up by shaking my head. "You said you never wanted to break my heart, right? So...if I agree, you have to make that a promise." I lifted my chin to meet his eyes. "You have to promise me that you'll never break my heart."
I saw him swallow something, watched his eyes scan over my face as his lips began to turn upwards into a smile. "I would never do anything to hurt you," he told me, taking one step closer to me. "I promise that I'll never break your heart, that I'll be by your side forever...or, at least, as long as you'll let me."
It was impossible not to smile at him. My hands left his and found purchase on his shoulders, with him following suit a moment later and gripping my waist. "Then I'll accept your proposal."
Overwhelmed with emotion, Sylvain dipped down to press his lips to mine in the most tender and loving kiss I'd ever been given. His arms pulled me closer to him as my heart soared in my chest. My fingers curled loosely around the fabric of his shirt while I raised myself onto my toes to press closer to him. When he pulled back to breathe, I rested my cheek against his chest and tried to steady my own breathing, heart fluttering when I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head. I close my eyes, taking in the moment and allowing myself to believe that, as long as I had Sylvain with me, everything might turn out okay.