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The air around you feels thick. It’s hard to breathe- it’s like you’ve started sinking into dark, deep water, and the further down you go the less you can make out. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears, though, loud and insistent, and you feel a knot of pain forming within your chest and expanding outward. Further and further it spreads, from your fingertips to your toes, and nothing seems to make sense- is someone calling you? Are they yelling your name? You aren’t sure. The pain increases, but it feels welcome, somehow, and you slowly surrender to it as everything around you slowly turns the purest shade of blue you’ve ever seen.
Oh, you think, eyelashes fluttering a little, it’s just like when I…
… hmm. You’re so sleepy- you want to hold onto that thought, but you can’t quite manage, and it slips through your fingers like everything else. You spread your arms wide and tip your head back a little, the movements slow and weighted, though you aren’t sure what you’re reaching for. Everything seems… peaceful.
All at once, then, you’re dragged back to yourself. It’s extremely painful and disorienting, and you definitely do hear screaming now, but… it’s yours, you think, or is it? Your back snaps into a tight arch as flame bursts from within, and the blue is overwhelming- the power that rages within you turns on itself and jumbles, drops to the floor and splashes like raindrops. Your eyes feel heavy again, and you feel cold. There’s warmth behind you, though, a familiar voice shaking as the rain falls faster, and you are borne away from it all as you sink beneath the waves once more, this time into crimson mercy’s embrace.
--
You jerk upright in bed, panting and shaking. It takes a few seconds for you to calm, lifting a hand to press to your chest- your heart is pounding, and you feel like you’re about to have a breakdown. You focus on breathing slowly and evenly, and the nightmare slowly, slowly releases you from its icy grip. You shudder, cold throughout, and push the blankets of your bed out of your way and rise. Sleep won’t be happening again tonight.
With a grumble, you dress yourself and leave your room. You aren’t really sure what time it is, but it’s dark- nowhere near sunrise yet. That’s just fine, you could use some time alone to settle down… the memory is just at the edge of your mind, whispering and tempting you back, inviting you to play it over and over again. You firmly give it the finger and shove it away, stalking into the main part of the base and figuring you’ll fling yourself onto the couch and read until it’s bright enough to get away with leaving. The Lost can bear the brunt of your bad mood.
Unfortunately, it isn’t that simple- nothing ever is. Your presence has been noted, and you hear your name called softly from the other side of the base. Anyone else might have sent you skittering off for refuge, but this voice is welcome… this voice, this person, is just that. You turn and see Louis sitting at his desk, but he’s leaning forward to peer at you from around a stack of books, and you think he looks a little worried. “Are you all right?” he asks, still speaking quietly- even though the others are all sound asleep in their rooms, which are through several solid rock walls. It’s courteous of him anyway, you think.
You slowly walk over to him and perch on the edge of his desk. “Not really,” you say grudgingly- you could say ‘yeah’, but then he’d give you one of those looks of his that tells you he sees right through your act and he doesn’t appreciate it. It is awfully late, though, and usually by now he’d be curled up with you and fast asleep, so you turn the question around on him. “Are you?”
His lips quirk just a bit and he leans back in his chair, resting one foot against the edge of the desk and looping his arms around his leg. “Sure,” he says, and you wonder why he thinks he can get away with it when you can’t. You stare at him, and he sighs and tips his chin up, gazing at the high ceiling. “I didn’t want to keep you up, so I came out here to read. I guess I didn’t have to after all.”
“I like it when you keep me up.” Your lame attempt at a joke earns another crooked half-smile, gone as soon as it came, but you count it as a victory nevertheless. “What’s on your mind?”
He’s quiet for a moment, long enough that you lean towards him and rest your hand lightly on his knee. The touch doesn’t startle him, per se, but he looks at you as though he hadn’t expected that… and this time when his lips quirk, his smile is genuine. “You, actually,” he said.
You hum approvingly. “Good choice of subject matter,” you say. Still, you don’t want him to worry about you, and so you tilt your head. “Is something wrong?”
“No.” His gaze drifts from you to somewhere on the far wall. He looks… wistful, you think- not upset, but something is clearly weighing on him, and you don’t like that it has to do with you. “I was thinking about everything that’s happened,” he finally says softly. “There’s a lot for you out there, you know.”
Oh.
You abandon your perch and close the distance between you, leaning over him a little from behind his chair and settling your hands on his shoulders. “I’m not leaving,” you say, your voice gentle but firm enough to allow for no mistaking your intent.
He tips his chin up and looks at you, the ghost of a smile curving his lips. “It’s that easy, huh?” he asks- he doesn’t seem convinced.
“Yeah, it is,” you reply. The two of you had never… talked about this, you think, you’d just sort of jumped in and let it go where it felt like going. No wonder he’s worried- he doesn’t know how badly you want to stay with him. You lean down and brush a kiss against his forehead, linger there as his eyes drift closed. “Why would I want to go anywhere else? I have all that I want right here.”
He’s quiet again, but he slowly lifts his hands and rests them atop yours. When you move your fingers to lace them through his, he lets out a barely-audible sigh- you hear it trembling, and you wonder if you should’ve seen this sooner. He says your name, then abruptly lets go of your hands and turns, kneeling in the chair and stretching up to wrap his arms around your shoulders. He doesn’t say anything else, but then again, he doesn’t have to- you let him pull you down and relish the press of warm, slightly chapped lips against your own. The kiss breaks after a couple seconds, but he stays right where he is, and the whisper of breath against your mouth makes you shiver a little. “Come with me,” he finally murmurs, and you immediately obey- you’d have gone anywhere with him.
The two of you head out to the hot springs, and the warmth is very welcome. He leads you to one of the chairs by the fire pit, and you drop into it and hold your hands out- he settles into your lap, reclining back against you and gazing up at the stars. The night sky is a tapestry of glittering gemstones, as if someone had scattered them by the handfuls onto a black velvet blanket, and you feel peaceful for the first time since waking up as you wrap him in your arms and relax.
His voice is soft when he speaks, and he rests his hands on your arms as he gazes upward. “Before I met you, the only way I could quiet the screaming in my mind was by throwing myself into combat. When I was forced to focus so intently on my own survival, I could finally forget that all of this was my fault. Part of me felt like it would have been justice for me to fall to the Lost, but even so, I never could bring myself to do something like that… even when I had so little hope to begin with.”
You hate this for him. You wish you’d never found his vestiges, though you know it was probably for the best that you had, in the end… but it seemed like all you’d brought him was pain. He’d found peace by forgetting, at least in a way, and was able to move forward and find a purpose for himself. “Louis…” you trail off. You aren’t sure what to say.
He shifts a bit and moves one of his hands, drawing his fingertips along your forearm. “I expected myself to fall apart after remembering again, but all I had to do was see the look in your eyes when you looked at me- despite knowing about my past, having seen it, you still believed in me. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me then… how much it means to me now.”
You close your eyes and turn your face to press against his hair. It’s soft, so soft… you’ve lost track of how many times you’ve run your fingers through it, buried your hands in it when the two of you stole a moment to yourselves. “All of you are my friends,” you say, your voice a little muffled. “This is my home. You are my home. How could I not believe in you?”
He takes one of your hands and lifts it to his mouth, presses a soft kiss against your palm and then rests it against his heart. “I’ve been wanting to ask you to stay for the longest time,” he says, his voice a little breathy- as if he’s holding back a great deal of emotion. “I never quite knew how- and I was never comfortable with the idea of asking you to make that choice for me.”
The nightmare comes back to you in sharp relief, and you tremble a little. Things could have so easily gone sideways, and he would have had to face you down if you’d frenzied. You remember the warmth in the dream, the splash of crimson against the endless sea of blue, and you hold him tighter. He’d known it all along, too, even though he’d never shown a hint of fear- worry, yes, but he’d never been afraid. That doesn’t make you feel much better, but it hadn’t happened, and now you’re just fine… and he’s with you. “Well, I’ve already made it,” you say, hoping you don’t sound as shaky as you feel. “I went into that crypt knowing I wouldn’t come out, and the fact that I’m here now is… it’s a second chance- what she wanted, what I want.”
You should have told him this a long time ago.
He sighs and seems to melt against you as the tension that remained dissolved beneath your insistent declaration. “Okay,” he breathes. “I’m so glad…” He trails off, then lifts one of his hands to reach behind him, cards his fingers through your hair and pauses briefly to caress your cheek before dropping his arm back into his lap. He’s tired, you can tell, and so you hold him more securely and smile a little. You’ll let him sleep, you think- he’s earned it.
Your thoughts eventually become a little fuzzy, and the next thing you know, the warmth of the sunrise has enveloped you both. You take a breath and shift a little, then open your eyes slowly and look up at the sky. It’s so beautiful that it leaves you still and silent, taking the entirety of your attention and holding it fast. Louis stirs a bit in your arms, then, and you imagine his long lashes fluttering a bit as his eyes slowly open- he takes a deep breath and stretches a little, then lets it out and goes limp in your arms. You feel his heart beating faster, and you admire him in the sunlight… everything is perfect.
He murmurs quietly as you draw a hand down his body, arching a little and pressing his hips forward into your touch as you cup him through the leather trousers he wears. This is hardly unfamiliar territory for you both, and you’re thankful for that- you don’t want anything getting in the way, be it nerves or uncertainty or anything else. He is endlessly warm, shifting again in your arms and making the softest, sweetest sounds as you continue, and you imagine having him right then and there. Neither of you are quite bold enough, though, especially not when people will be up and about, and so he stills your hand after a moment and lets out a shaky sigh before sitting up and turning to look at you with fire in his gaze.
“Good?” you ask softly, and he leans down and captures your mouth in a heated kiss. You kiss him back, ignoring your body’s demands for his- at least for the moment- in favor of drawing it out.
“Yeah,” he breathes. He smiles at you, heartbreakingly beautiful, and reluctantly stands up- though he holds his hands out and pulls you up when you take them. “Come on. Let’s rest a while.”
Sure, you think, you’ll rest… after you’ve heard your name on his lips.
Once you’re behind a firmly closed and locked door, you let your hands resume their wandering- and so does he. You take your sweet time in undressing him, kissing down his neck and over his collarbone, and you enjoy the sounds he makes and the way he presses closer. He’s careful with you, too, buttons and clasps easily falling away beneath nimble fingers, and soon enough he’s tossing your jacket and shirt to the floor without a second thought as his vest and shirt join them. You back him up until his legs hit the bed, and you waste no time in tumbling him down onto it- his breath hitches and he arches up against you as you kiss him hard, and he kisses you back with all the fire and intensity he had to his name. By the time the kiss breaks you’re aching, pressing your hips against his as quiet pleas escape you in the form of broken whimpers, and he spreads his legs and hooks one over the backs of your thighs. You see stars all over again.
He murmurs softly to you, encouraging you and egging you on- he wants you, and he doesn’t want to wait. What luck, you think dimly, you want him and also don’t want to wait, but you’re going to make the both of you wait regardless and you both know it. You press your hips hard against his just to hear his voice, to feel him pressing up against you and digging his fingertips into your shoulders. Drawing back is actually painful, and he whimpers and grits his teeth around a louder sound of protest- you soothe him by running your hands down his sides, wordlessly promising him that you’ll take care of him. You quickly undo his belt and pants both, then slip your fingers down to tease the soft skin beneath his waistband- you want to keep going with it, but he growls at you and you can’t help but laugh a little. He’s so demanding sometimes, but you’ve only ever indulged him, and so you do once more, quickly removing trousers and underwear both, tossing them to the floor to join the rest of his outfit.
You decide to give him a little show next, and dark red eyes burning with desire widen as you rub yourself through the fabric and sigh softly in pleasure. It definitely feels good, though his hands feel better, and so you don’t linger too long- you unbuckle your belt, and he licks his lips. His heated gaze follows your every move, and you unbutton and unzip your pants ever so slowly before shimmying out of them. His lips are a little swollen thanks to him biting them together as he watches you, and as soon as you’ve rid yourself of all your clothes you immediately pounce on him and kiss him breathless. You fumble around trying to reach the bedside table as he catches your lower lip with his teeth and then nibbles on it, focused more on that and the rush of breath on your skin and less on actually finding your prize. You groan a little and grit your teeth, moving away just long enough to nab the oil, then he pulls you back to him and you settle in to really work him over.
He watches you wide-eyed as you kneel between his legs and grin at him like a cat in cream, carefully pouring some of the oil on your fingers and then setting the bottle aside. You don’t waste any time and he falls back with a huff, covering his face with his hands as you tease him and take him into your mouth. He makes the most amazing sounds, and you’re content to listen as you prepare him- he arches and squirms beneath you, rolling his hips and struggling to find purchase somewhere, anywhere, as you drive him higher. You taste salty-sweet on your tongue as you continue, and it’s definitely tempting to finish him this way, but there’s more you want- and more he wants, too- so you temper yourself. It will be worth it in the end, you tell yourself.
By the time you deem him ready he is beyond restless, legs drawn up and hair mussed from where he’d been gripping it while you drove him wild. There’s a beautiful dark blush splashed across his cheeks and nose, and you take a moment to just admire him- he’s so incredible… but he grabs the oil before you can linger long, tugs you down and reaches between you. You gasp and push into his hand, warm and slick and then he’s draping his arms and legs around you and pulling you down insistently. You only take a second to gather yourself, pausing to make sure you won’t hurt him- his lips part as you press inward, more as you go further. He doesn’t make any noise for a couple seconds, and then he graces you with the softest moan- you want more of that, and so you press further and he digs his fingers into your shoulders all over again.
The stars come out between you, interwoven and locked together as you make them as one.
Louis tosses his head back, rolling his hips to meet yours and panting. You can’t resist kissing along his neck, lapping at sweat-damp skin and sucking a mark up right beneath his jaw. His pulse flutters beneath your lips and you nuzzle closer; he is alive for you and you can give him no less of yourself. He catches his breath after a couple moments, eyes wide and unfocused as he looks up at you and begins to unravel. Faster and faster you go, pushing him higher and higher, and he’s almost wailing- you kiss him to muffle his cries, and your name heavy with pleasure rings in your ears as he grips you hard enough to hurt a little. His eyes squeeze shut as he lifts himself almost clear off the mattress as he spills between you, clinging to you as his climax nearly knocks him senseless, and the way he says your name is the most beautiful music you’ve ever heard.
You’re so wrapped up in him that you forget about yourself, at least until you realize you’re far past the point of no return- your rhythm becomes erratic as you lose yourself, and then all you know is the sound of your racing heartbeat and the warm arms wrapped tight around you.
It takes a moment for you to come back to yourself when all is said and done. He’s breathing hard, arms shaking a little as he loosens his grip, and you feel like you’re about to collapse- you carefully pull away, then drop down next to him as your strength gives out. He immediately rolls onto his side and presses against you, and you wrap your arms around him and hold him close. Neither of you move for a long moment, and then you reluctantly let go so you can clean him up. He lets you pamper him, uttering not a word of protest as you work, and once you’re satisfied you lay back down next to him and hold him close. He tucks his head beneath your chin, and you smile and close your eyes.
He says your name, so softly you almost miss it. You lift a hand to stroke his hair, and he kisses your bare skin. “I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you, too,” you whisper back. You pull the blankets up, then sigh a little. “Think you can sleep now?”
“Mhm,” he mumbles, already halfway there. “You?”
You smile. “Yeah,” you say softly.
Now that he’s with you, you can.