Chapter Text
To: Azumane Asahi
>> meet @ coffee monster, 15 min?
You gripped your phone with shivering hands, cold air biting at your thumbs as you typed out the brief message to Asahi and hit send. Almost immediately the device buzzed against your skin.
From: Azumane Asahi
>> ofc. see u soon~
You let out a strained breath, and shoved your phone deep into your coat pocket before pulling your wool scarf up around your mouth and continuing down the steps at the back of the psychology building. Your only lecture for the day had just finished, leaving you plenty of time to grab coffee with Asahi before meeting up with Kenma at his apartment to study later that evening.
Dark clouds were swiftly gathering across the late autumn sky, smothering the sunlight and bringing with them an icy chill that made your teeth chatter. The bare trees that lined the path through campus cast skeletal patterns across the ground, lacing around the feet of students bustling from one lecture hall to the next. You kept your head down, not wanting to accidentally run into the one person you should’ve felt the most comfortable with: your boyfriend, Kuroo.
You and Kuroo had fought this morning. Usually, your fights were nothing more than pointless bickering about whose turn it was to choose a movie or whether you were going to eat out or stay in, but for the past few weeks every fight seemed to spiral out of control, ending with slammed doors and aching hearts. He’d been spending so much time in lab or at volleyball practice that you rarely saw him during the week. When you did get time alone together it never felt like he was fully with you, his eyes vacant and mind miles away.
In his absence you had turned to your best friend, Kenma, for company. Kuroo seemed to despise this, and whenever he started his usual line of questioning — what were you two doing, how long were you together, why didn’t you answer my texts — you pacified him with the reminder that Kenma was like a brother to you. The two of you had grown up together, following each other from daycare to university. If Kuroo would just pause and actually think through what he was suggesting, he’d remember that Kenma had been the one who introduced you two in the first place. Both boys had gone to the same volleyball training camp during a few high school summers and when Kuroo transferred to your university halfway through sophomore year, the three of you had become fast friends. But these facts always seemed to dissolve the moment they hit Kuroo’s ears, and the man’s jealousy spread like wildfire into a scorching insecurity that nothing you said could extinguish.
“Do I even matter to you anymore?” Kuroo had spat this morning when you told him you had plans to study with Kenma that evening. The desperation clinging to his words made your heart clench in your chest, but you took the bait anyway.
“Who are you to even say that,” you had hissed back, words laced with venom and eyes sharp. “I can’t remember the last time we had a conversation that wasn’t about your classes, or your practice, or your friends, or whatever the fuck you want.” Your heartbeat was pounding in your ears and you could barely see as moisture clouded your vision.
The two of you went back and forth like that for almost twenty minutes, throwing out harsh accusations that neither of you truly meant. He called you selfish. You called him insecure. It was like a sick contest to see who could inflict the most damage, but instead of a trophy you were rewarded with two wounded hearts and unresolved frustrations.
And the worst part of it all? You knew, regardless of how much you tried to suffocate the parasitic thought with excuses and denial, that you wouldn’t get so defensive if there wasn’t some truth to his paranoia. If your heart didn’t stutter in your chest whenever you heard Kenma’s quiet voice speaking your name. If you didn’t find yourself waking up at 3 A.M. from dreams that left a residue of golden eyes and dyed blond hair seared into your mind. If you didn’t feel a guilty satisfaction whenever Kuroo told you he had to stay late in the lab again.
“God, get a grip,” you muttered to yourself, shaking all thoughts of Kenma and Kuroo and your fucked up love life from your mind as you walked farther from the center of campus. The scuff of your feet against the brick sidewalk was amplified, mixing with the rustle of brittle leaves to create a grating soundtrack to your already bleak morning. Students were few and far between, the street mainly lined with small boutiques and seedy bars; weekend haunts that woke up once classes came to an end.
You only came this way for one reason: Coffee Monster. The quiet cafe had been your go-to study spot ever since you stumbled upon it by accident when you were a freshman, and now it felt like a betrayal to order from anywhere else. Not only was the coffee better than any chain on campus, but the cozy atmosphere and quiet nooks were perfect for getting work done and avoiding the distractions that came with more popular study spots.
You pushed open the door to the small cafe, a rush of warm air hitting your face as you yanked your scarf down from around your mouth and made your way towards the bar. You didn’t recognize the girl working the register, your face dropping into a frown. Hmm, she must be new .
“One oat milk la—”
“—tte with two packs of sugar,” a voice finished for you. A tall man with bright red hair jumped up from behind the counter where he had been restocking milk cartons, eyes bright and smile as contagious as ever. “Iced or hot today?”
“Hey Tendou,” you greeted as he straightened the maroon apron he wore and took over the register, sending the new girl back to the storeroom with the empty cartons. You nodded your head towards the storm building outside. “Better make it hot.”
“Smart move,” Tendou nodded, entering your order into the register and taking your card from your outstretched hand. You watched as his slender fingers tapped away on the touchscreen. It was hard to explain, but something about his hands fascinated you. They were slightly too large for his frame, and he always had Band-Aids wrapped around the pads of various fingers. You wondered if he also bit his nails whenever he got nervous, a habit you had tried and failed to quit too many times to count.
“Hey, Y/N. Earth to Y/N.”
Your eyes moved back into focus as Tendou snapped those mesmerizing fingers just inches from your flushed face.
“Sorry,” you laughed. “I guess I need that coffee more than I thought.”
Tendou exhaled a soft chuckle as he handed your card back. “Go sit down, I’ll bring it over to you when it’s ready.”
You smiled back at him as he threw a wink your way before getting to work on your order. You and Tendou weren’t exactly friends, but he had talked you down from one too many late-night meltdowns fueled by caffeine and procrastination for him to fully be a stranger. Plus, he would always bring you an extra coffee if you were pulling an all-day study session, something you constantly promised to make up to him one of these days. Tendou was a grad student, studying journalism if you remembered correctly, but he would frequently ramble on about his dream to drop out and move to Paris to pursue life as a pastry chef or chocolatier.
You made your way over to a small round table in the back corner of the cafe, flanked by two cushioned armchairs and an overgrown fern. You sunk into the chair facing the front of the shop, the large window that opened onto the empty street allowing you to watch for Asahi while you waited for your coffee.
As you sat in silence, memories of that morning’s fight started to creep back into your consciousness, and you couldn’t help but indulge in the pain. You began to replay your words on loop, attempting to pick apart and over-analyze every moment of the argument.
Almost as if on cue, the bell above the cafe door jingled, breaking your train of thought before it had the chance to careen off into a full-blown wreck.
“Asahi,” you smiled, brushing off your sadness and standing to greet the man as he made his way towards your table. His skin was dewy and a few strands of hair had worked their way out of his usually well-kempt bun, framing his blushing face. You hoped he hadn’t run to meet you, but a part of you secretly enjoyed the fact that he still cared so much.
“I’m sorry if I kept you waiting,” Asahi said while collapsing into the chair across from you, his breath coming in unsteady huffs. “I was in the middle of helping Noya with his paper when you texted,” he admitted while unfurling the deep blue scarf that lay atop his shoulders. He glanced over at you, feigning exasperation. “Tell me again why you always have to pick the cafe farthest away from the center of campus?”
You chuckled at his teasing jab. “Maybe because I don’t want to deal with the shitstorm that will come if anyone sees us together?” you responded. “Need I remind you that neither Kuroo nor Kenma have any clue we’re still friends? And that they both think you’re an absolute prick for dumping me,” you reached across the table to playfully hit his shoulder.
A frown tugged at the corner of Asahi’s lips as he met your eyes, “And I realize that’s my fault. We’re just not ready to tell everyone the truth yet.”
You nodded quickly. The truth was that Asahi had realized he was actually in love with his best friend Noya. While you had initially been hurt by the revelation, you had come to realize the two of you worked better as friends anyway, a typical result of relationships that bloom during freshman orientation week. The only roadblock to their happily ever after had been Noya’s family, who were still in the dark about his sexuality. You didn’t know the full story, but you just hoped the two of them could eventually be together without the pressure of secrecy.
“I know, I know, I’m just teasing,” you said before changing the subject, not letting him spiral into the apologetic narrative you knew he was prone to spinning. “Plus you know this is my favorite spot. The coffee is unmatched and unlike the more popular spots I can actually hear myself think.”
At that moment Tendou slouched over to your table, fresh coffee in hand. He gave you the bright teal mug with a flourish before turning his attention to the new guest. You thought you saw his eyes narrow for a brief instant, but played it off as a trick of the light.
“Howdy there, anything I can get for you?” His words danced across the empty cafe, his joyful lilt making you smile.
“Hm, do you have any herbal teas?” Asahi nervously rubbed the back of his neck. You suppressed a laugh as you watched him observe the tall man looming over him. Tendou could be a bit overwhelming at first glance, but you knew it was just a mask to cover a much softer side that you had seen a few times in the early hours of the morning when he let you stay past closing time to cram for midterms.
“Do we ever!” Tendou exclaimed before counting off the various types. “Chamomile, ginger, hibiscus, rooibos, peppermint, lem—”
“Peppermint is fine, thank you,” Asahi interjected, clearly flustered by the other man’s boisterous energy. How he could put up with Noya on a daily basis, you would never know.
Tendou froze mid-word, feigning disappointment at his impromptu song being cut short. Laughter bubbled up and broke through your lips, causing both men to glance your way.
“I’m sorry,” you chuckled, taking a sip of your drink. You scowled as the blistering beverage washed over your tongue, mentally scolding yourself for not checking how hot it was before taking your first taste. “Please, continue.”
Tendou smirked before turning back to Asahi. “Alright sir, one piping hot peppermint tea coming right up.” He dipped down into an exaggerated bow and turned on his heel, slinking back to the coffee bar to prepare the drink.
“So you were with Noya before this, how’s he doing?” you asked, blowing on your drink in an attempt to cool it slightly before lifting it to your lips again.
Asahi’s eyes twinkled at the mention of his boyfriend’s name. “Oh, he’s great, per usual. A ball of energy that just can’t seem to stay still long enough for me to catch my breath,” he said brightly. “It’s both a blessing and a curse.”
You observed his face as he spoke, watching the tension around his brow release and his eyes melt into adoration.
“How did you know?” Your mouth was moving before your brain could stop it.
“Know what?”
“How did you know you were in love with your best friend?” you finished, voice trailing off in a whisper while your eyes locked on your lap where your hands had knotted together.
Asahi cleared his throat and let your question hang in the air for a moment before responding.
“Honestly? I think a part of me always knew.”
You met his eyes again, your interest peaked.
“Look, I wish I could tell you there was one obvious moment or sign that made it all click, but there just wasn’t,” he sighed, raking a hand through his hair and further disrupting the neatness of his bun. “I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Just try,” you pressed gently, “please.”
Asahi leaned back in his chair, resting his hands behind his head and observing you closely before taking a breath.
“Ok, you know that feeling when you come home after a long day of classes and practice and work and life and you’re just completely fucking spent?
You wrinkled your brow. “This is going somewhere that actually makes sense, right?”
“Yes, just listen,” he dismissed your question with a wave of his hand and you drew your index finger and thumb across your lips in a zipping motion before nodding at him to continue.
Asahi took another breath. “But then once you’re home you get to curl up in bed and feel the weight of the day just melt away? Like you can finally breathe and be completely yourself?”
You nodded, fighting to push thoughts of late-night FaceTimes with Kenma from your mind.
“That’s how I feel every time I’m with him. It’s like, the world could be burning around us but if he was next to me I wouldn’t feel any fear. And I’ve never felt that with anyone else.”
Asahi tucked a strand of loose hair behind his ear. “I guess that’s how I knew. When I realized that being with him felt like coming home.”
Your breath caught in your throat as Asahi finished his thought. The man was so in love that you almost wanted to punch him, but his words awoke a feeling inside you that you couldn’t quite put your finger on just yet. Some part of you knew, however, that it was inexplicably linked to a boy with feline eyes and soft hands that were rarely seen without his phone.
“Your tea.”
Tendou’s voice snapped the two of you out of your respective thoughts, and Asahi extended a hand to grab the mug from his grip.
“Ah, thanks man,” Asahi nodded, wrapping his large hands around the steaming cup and bringing it towards his nose, inhaling the sharp peppermint steam. You smiled at the way he shut his eyes and reveled in the simple pleasure. Asahi always seemed to appreciate the smallest moments and you envied him for that. Your mind was constantly buzzing off to the next thought, the next interaction, playing out twenty scenarios before one even had the chance to occur. You made a mental note to try to be more like Mr. Stop-And-Smell-The-Roses as you lifted your own mug to your lips.
“Enjoy, you two,” Tendou grinned. “My shift is ending soon but Yachi can grab you a refill on the house if you ask nicely, RIGHT YACHI?”
The blonde girl that had been working the register when you arrived jolted at his loud roar, almost dropping the pot she was cleaning. She nodded her head aggressively, cheeks burning red at the attention.
“No need to scare her, Tendou,” you joked, waving at Yachi as she tried to compose herself. It only made her blush harder.
“Ah, just a bit of playful hazing, nothing too serious,” he winked. “She could stand to loosen up a bit anyway.”
You rolled your eyes in response, taking another sip of your latte and watching as Tendou slipped off towards the back room.
Asahi cleared his throat, setting the tea down on the table. “So.”
You lifted your eyes to meet his gaze. “So.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
You paused, weighing your options. Did you want to finally tear down the formidable wall you had spent years building up around your true feelings for Kenma? Yes, very much so. Did you also want to bury those feelings deep in the back chambers of your heart and cover them with protective layers of denial? Also yes.
“I don’t think I’m there yet,” you mumbled, bringing your right thumb between your teeth and tugging on the skin around your nail bed.
Asahi reached over and grabbed your hand away from your mouth. “And that’s fine. No need to rush it,” he smirked and you exhaled through your nose, smiling at the irony. It had taken Asahi nearly 19 years to admit his feelings for Noya, and they seemed to work out just fine.
“But,” he continued, raising an eyebrow. “If you're doubting your relationship with Kuroo I don’t think it’s fair to string him along like this.”
You didn’t like where this was going. Kuroo was the last person you wanted to think about right now, and Asahi must have gathered that from the way your eyes went dark at the mention of his name. He quickly changed the subject, asking a pointless question about your psychology class that morning, but you were grateful for the distraction.
Your conversation continued in a comfortable rhythm for the next twenty minutes, questions about school and life volleyed back and forth between sips and smiles. By the time your cups were empty, the two of you had caught each other up on everything from your latest literary obsession to his plan for the end of term design showcase he had been asked to participate in.
Asahi eventually pulled his phone from his pocket, checking the time.
“Ah, I should really get back to Noya,” he admitted. “I don’t trust him to get any work done on his own and he’s already gotten two extensions on this paper.”
“And I need to go home and come up with a believable excuse for what I was up to all morning,” you laughed. “I truly can’t wait for the day you and Noya finally admit to your relationship so we can just be normal friends without people wondering if we’re secretly still madly in love.”
Asahi’s lips curved into a sad smile as he stood, grabbing his scarf off the back of the chair and slinging it around his shoulders. “One day, and that’s a promise.”
You rose from your chair, walking around the table to hug your friend goodbye. Asahi pulled you into a warm embrace, your face nuzzling against the soft knit of his sweater.
“Thank you,” you mumbled into his chest. “For everything.”
“Don’t mention it, Y/N, you know I’ll always be here for you.” You craned your neck back to look at his smiling face, a grin sliding its way onto your lips in response.
It was in that brief moment that you noticed movement outside the cafe window, and the smile was wiped from your face as your heart stuttered out of beat. You blinked, not wanting to believe what you just saw, but even wrapped to the nose in a large scarf and bundled in a coat that was one size too big, you would recognize those brown roots and bleached blond hair anywhere.
“Shit,” you cursed under your breath, watching as Kenma’s golden eyes grew wide at the sight of you embracing Asahi through the window. Asahi furrowed his brow in confusion, before turning to look over his shoulder and follow your gaze.
Panic raced through your veins like a toxin, and the floor dropped out from under you. You couldn’t move, even as you saw Kenma flick his head away from the window and shove his hands into his pockets, continuing down the street, away from the cafe, away from you, away from any chance you had to explain yourself. When his small frame had fully disappeared past the window’s edge, you finally snapped out of your stupor. Go. Stop him.
You peeled Asahi’s large arms off your shoulders and sprinted towards the door, ignoring him as he called your name. Just as you were about to exit the cafe to chase after Kenma, you felt Asahi’s rough hand wrap around your wrist, holding you back.
“Stop,” he stated, voice as firm as his grip. “What is that going to accomplish.”
You spun to face him, eyes frantic and unfocused. This couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t have seen you, no it must have been some other boy with dyed hair and golden eyes and a cautious gait and—
“Y/N. Look at me.” Asahi leaned down until he reached your eye level. You locked in on his calm face, eyes open and warm.
“I—” you choked out, voice breaking. “I have to go, I can still catch him, he couldn’t have gone far—”
Asahi tightened his grip on your wrist, shaking his head. “Let him go. You’ll have plenty of time to explain it to him later. Trying to now will only add unnecessary drama to something that isn’t actually a big deal.”
Your pulse raced against your skin, mind spinning off in infinite directions. But what if he thinks that I’m back with Asahi, that I’m cheating on Kuroo? What if he thinks I’m lying to him? That I broke his trust? The thoughts made your vision blur and your mouth go dry.
Asahi pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, gnawing on the soft skin as he waited for your decision. You had already asked so much of him today, and you couldn’t bring yourself to implicate him in the inevitable meltdown that was brewing just below the surface.
You took a breath before plastering a smile on your face, the corners of your mouth pulling a bit too tight to feel natural.
“You’re right, per usual.” Your voice was like syrup, much too sweet and thick with an artificial confidence that you knew Asahi would likely see right through. He watched you closely, but you kept your smile in place, crinkling the corners of your eyes for added effect. Finally, Asahi sighed and released his fingers from where they were locked around your wrist.
“Seriously, it’s fine” you reaffirmed. “I’ll just text him once I get back to my apartment. Plus we had plans tonight, and I doubt he’d flake so I can just explain then.” Your tone was so sincere that you almost believed yourself.
Asahi sighed, readjusting his book bag on his shoulder and tucking a rogue hair back into his bun. “If you say so.” His words were laced with doubt. “But I can stay if you’d like, or at least walk you home.”
“No,” you dismissed his offer, waving him towards the door. “You’ve left Noya to his own devices for far too long already. I’ll text if I need anything, but I promise you I’m alright now.” That was a lie. All you really wanted was to be left alone so you could drop the act and cry without the pressure of Asahi’s pitying gaze on you.
Asahi finally nodded, yielding to your words, before pulling you into another hug. “Anything you need, I’m just one text away.”
He pulled open the door and stepped into the cold, wrapping his scarf tighter around his face and giving you a final wave as he set off towards the library.
Once he was out of sight, you turned back to collect your belongings from the vacated table, body moving without your mind processing the actions. You threw on your coat in a daze and waved a passive goodbye to Yachi before tripping out the door onto the street.
You didn’t end up making it very far, choosing to turn the corner and slump onto the wooden bench that sat near the back exit of Coffee Monster. Your head fell unceremoniously into your hands as you keeled over, pressure rising in your throat while you tried to quiet the static that filled your head. You were grateful for the biting wind that snapped at your skin, raising goosebumps along your cheeks and grounding you in reality.
“God,” you breathed out in a rush. You silently scolded yourself for your overreaction, but the combined stress of the fight this morning, the conversation with Asahi, and Kenma’s sudden appearance was too much for you to bear.
Just then the back door swung open and a person sauntered out, followed by the smell of smoke and coffee. You angled your head to peek out from your hands and saw Tendou’s lithe figure a few meters to your left, half-smoked cigarette hanging from his lips and backpack in hand. He opened his mouth to greet you but paused, words catching in his throat as his eyes studied your deflated posture and disheveled appearance.
“Y/N, you okay?” Tendou tossed his cigarette to the ground and extinguished it with the tip of his scuffed Converse. He moved to sit next to you on the wooden bench, nudging your shaking knee with his own and leaving it pressed into you in an attempt to slow your nervous bounce. His touch snapped you from your thoughts and you turned to meet his open gaze, bottom lip trembling.
Tendou spoke your name again, so softly that it barely reached your ears. The tenderness in his voice made you forget how to breathe.
Before you had time to stop yourself, a sob swelled in the back of your throat and you were crying, your body convulsing with loud and uncontrollable gasps. In an instant Tendou was crouched in front of you, his limbs draping around you and bringing you into his chest. Your shoulders shook violently as tears fell from your cheeks, soaking through the shoulder of his black hoodie. The realization that you should probably feel embarrassed flashed through your mind, but you let it pass, allowing your body to collapse into vulnerability.
The quiet murmur of Tendou’s voice enveloped you as he whispered a string of hushed words against your ear. The it’s alright s and please breathe s mixed with your name on his lips soothed your exhausted heart, and eventually your hiccupping sobs settled.
You withdrew your head from his shoulder and he pulled back, wide eyes appraising your swollen face and tear-stained cheeks. He reached out hesitantly, like someone approaching a frightened animal, and gently moved a strand of hair from your forehead. You tensed when the pads of his fingers brushed against your skin and he withdrew his touch.
You were suddenly aware of how close Tendou’s face was to yours; you could almost taste the bitter nicotine on his breath as he watched you, waiting for your next move. You took the chance to study his features up close, eyes tracing over the sharp peak of cheekbones, down across the faint freckles that dusted his nose, resting briefly on the soft swell of his lips. They were slightly chapped from the cold weather, and as if he had heard your thoughts, his tongue slipped out to wet them. Your eyes flickered back up to meet his gaze, pulse racing against your permission.
“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, warmth rushing to your face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”
He reached his hand towards you once more, this time lightly gripping your chin between his long fingers. “Please, never apologize to me for something like that again,” he hummed, the gentle purr of his words vibrating against your skin as he closed the space between you and pushed his lips against yours.