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Suga caught feelings fast. Daichi knew this. He caught feelings in an instant, the second someone sparked his eye, whether he’d known them for five seconds or five years, he could immediately name their future children.
The first time Daichi saw it happen was less than weeks into their first year. The two boys had been in the same class, Shimizu Kiyoko was in the next class over, and on the first day of classes Sugawara had already declared her his crush.
He wasn’t the only one, of course, he was far from the only one. As far as Sawamura could tell if you went to Karasuno and liked girls, you would eventually have a crush on Kiyoko. The latter condition wasn’t true for Daichi, so he’d never had any feelings of attraction for her, but he’d always held a deep respect for the young woman.
“Come on, isn’t she the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen?” the young Suga had asked, “And she has that beauty mark, and I have a beauty mark, do you think that means anything? I bet that’s like, a soulmate thing or something.”
Daichi had just laughed, slightly uncomfortably, because Suga was the first friend he’d made, well, he was still in the process of making, and he didn’t want to say something wrong and get him back to square zero.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” Daichi lied. He did know. It wasn’t a soulmate thing, it was a normal thing. Two people having beauty marks? That was about as normal as a thing could be. “She is, um, super pretty though.”
Did that sound straight? Daichi didn’t think he sounded straight, but people never seemed to notice anything, or at least they didn’t say anything if they did. Maybe it was partly because he wasn’t really the type to talk about any of this, gay or straight. He thought crushes ought to be private things, unless you wanted to actually do something about it. Sitting around talking behind someone’s back was stupid. For him, of course. For Suga it was fine. For Suga Daichi would be happy to listen.
“She is, right?” the grey haired boy beamed, before he straightened his face into a serious expression as he scanned Daichi from head to toe, “Though, if you like her, I might just have to cut my losses.”
Daichi’s stomach flipped. It was the first time Suga made his stomach flip like that, it certainly wouldn’t be the last. He remembered registering it as nerves at the time, about what exactly his subconscious had never explained, dragging the whole thing below the surface so he wouldn’t have to deal with it.
“Uh, no, don’t worry I-” Daichi stumbled over his words, trying to politely say he wasn’t interested in Kiyoko without saying he was gay, which was kind of hard to do given that she was pretty much the image of perfection, “You seem like you really like her.”
Suga’s eyes lit up. Daichi would grow to adore the way Suga’s eyes could light up, but at the time his only thought was a half-baked pretty.
“I do, I really think we could have something, I don’t know,” he rubbed the back of his neck absently, and Daichi remembered thinking he was a crazy person to be talking this seriously about a person he’d met a day ago, “When we talked, at orientation, I really felt a connection.”
Daichi had been there at orientation, they had pretty much exchanged names and class numbers and then parted ways. It was hardly a fated meeting. He let Suga indulge himself anyway, it was kind of entertaining to watch him talk about this crush.
If Daichi had known then what he learned over the course of their friendship, he would have shut him up immediately, while he still had the ability, because once he let Suga gush about a crush maybe three times, he never stopped. He never fucking stopped.
It was pretty much a monthly occurrence, Suga falling for someone new. Sometimes the same girls were repeated, Kiyoko was in there at least five times by the time they got to third year, and he had some friend from middle school he sometimes insisted he’d been in love with since they first met, and other times insisted they were only friends.
Then there were the random one-time crushes, like the senpai who lent him a pen in second year, or the girl he’d met at a volleyball training camp, who he’d texted for about two weeks before her name was never heard again.
It was exhausting, honestly, keeping up with all the updates, and if Daichi ever got it wrong, talked about Suga’s crush from last week after he’d moved on to the next one, the setter would give him a sharp look like he was doing it on purpose or something.
What Daichi really didn’t understand is why Suga didn’t date one of these girls already. Sure, he always groaned about how they didn’t like him, but Daichi was pretty sure he’d never actually asked one out. He’d never even tried. He was absolutely certain at least one of them would say yes, I mean, he wasn’t crazy was he? Sugawara was objectively the most attractive guy at their school.
Okay, maybe not objectively. Maybe subjectivity played some role in that. Maybe Daichi had a soft spot for glowing smiles and soft hair and big brown eyes and, well, just about everything about his best friend, but he refused to believe he was alone in that. He refused to believe there was no one else at this school that could recognise just how absolutely perfect Suga was.
He was pretty sure all these crushes were really just something fun to talk about for Suga. He realised it by second year, that Suga probably didn’t actually want to date any of them, that he wasn’t actually in love with them the way he claimed to be. It was just a bit of fun for him.
“And then,” Suga sighed, romantically, as he and Daichi strolled down the street towards Daichi’s house one afternoon in third year, “She handed me my change, and said, ‘I hope I’ll see you around’.”
Daichi just kept walking. It was taking nearly all his concentration not to roll his eyes. This was now the second time he’d brought up the girl from the record store, which was how they were referring to her, because he didn’t even know her fucking name.
“What? You’re not going to say anything?” Suga bristled, “She said, ‘I hope I’ll see you around’, Daichi. What does that mean?”
“I don’t know, dude,” Daichi sighed, not romantically. There were really two possible things it could mean, “this is what I’m required to say to all customers”, or “I like you, ask me out”, but Daichi knew Suga wasn’t going to get over her or ask her out. He just wanted to talk about it, tirelessly, probably for days.
“Becuase, like, ok,” Suga continued, either not noticing Daichi’s complete lack of interest, or disregarding it. Daichi thought it must be the latter, because Suga could read him really well and he was not trying particularly hard to hide it, “I watched her check out the guy in front of me, and she just said ‘have a nice day’, so it’s like, she could have said that to me, but then-”
Daichi just stared at the street, zoned out enough that he could think of other things but still make the appropriate “hmm”s and “ah”s at the right times. He’d gotten pretty good at it, after two and a half years of practice.
He tried not to mind, it wasn’t his business who Suga liked or didn’t like, who he wanted to obsess over, but it just annoyed him. It annoyed him for an array of vague, indescribable reasons that Daichi knew an outsider would probably label as jealousy, but he was fairly confident it wasn’t that.
I mean, Daichi wouldn’t want Suga talking about him the way he talked about these girls. Swooning in private, to other friends, about the things he did or said without ever actually doing anything about it. They weren’t even real crushes, there was nothing to be jealous of.
“So it’s kind of like, I don’t know,” Suga continued rambling, the words passing through Daichi’s mind without staying long, “should I ask her out or something?”
Okay, those words stuck.
Daichi turned to him, eyes probably a little wider than they normally should be. Was he wrong about this one? Was Suga actually going to try with this girl? Could he actually- Suga laughed. Because of course he did.
“Could you imagine?” Suga grinned, turning to meet Daichi’s face, “She’d probably ban me from the store or something.”
Daichi wanted to roll his eyes again. Did Suga not know what he looked like? Did no one know what he looked like? Once again Daichi found himself wondering if he was the crazy person there, because he couldn’t imagine ever in his right mind turning down a date with Suga.
“I don’t think she’d ban you from the store, Suga,” he grumbled.
“Not everyone’s as hot as you, Daichi,” Suga teased, and Daichi barely even noticed the stomach flip that the words inspired, they were so common when he hung out with Suga.
He had to bite his tongue from saying what he couldn’t believe wasn’t already obvious. Suga was so much hotter than him.
Daichi’s eyes flicked right to Asahi when Kiyoko held Suga’s hands in the Shiratorizawa game. They’d managed to make it that far into third year without any mention of the crush he’d had on her for two years, but after this it was fair to assume it would be back.
Asahi looked at him with understanding, he was probably the only one that could, given Suga talked to Asahi about crushes arguably more than he did with Daichi.
There was more than one time that the captain saw his two friends whispering about something in a corner, or chatting in the empty club room, Asahi wearing the face that Daichi knew immediately as the Suga please just do something or shut the fuck up that he wore when Suga droned on about his non-existant love life.
When the game was over, when the excitement of winning was over too, Sugawara, predictably, moved back to the moment between him and Kiyoko. He asked on a scale from one to ten how badly they thought he’d embarrassed himself, 1 being it’s chill, she didn’t care, and 10 being throw yourself into a volcano immediately.
They ended up talking about it for a solid half hour on their way to the cinema that weekend, but thankfully Suga decided he was going to pee before the movie started.
“So, he’s back on Kiyoko,” Daichi sighed when he was out of earshot.
“This’ll be fun,” Asahi curled his mouth into a forced grin.
“I swear, Kiyoko’s the worst of his crushes,” Daichi complained, “I refuse to stay up until 2 am analyzing a ‘don’t worry about it’, text.”
“Hey, this is a lot better than coach Ukai,” Asahi argued, “I really hope that’s over.”
Daichi paused, actually more like completely shut down. Coach… Did he just say coach Ukai? As in, like, Ukai Keishin, manager of Sakanoshita market? Coach Ukai? Daichi didn’t even know what to think, every thought he had just brought up another question.
Did Asahi seriously mean Suga had a crush on coach Ukai? Like, as in, he was attracted to him? If that was true then, well, first off, ew. The coach was a grown ass man, what was Suga doing having crushes on grown men? But also, men in general. Wasn’t Suga straight? Daichi had only ever heard about girl crushes.
That raised another question. If Suga actually had been into coach Ukai, and Asahi had heard enough about it to really hope it was over, where the hell had Daichi been for all this? Why didn’t Suga tell him? I mean, no offense to Asahi, they were all close, but Daichi considered Suga his best friend, he thought Suga considered him that way too, so why would he tell Asahi and not him?
“Co- coach-” Daichi started, finally able to move his mouth, even if the rest of him was frozen.
“Oh my god!” Asahi’s eyes blew wide, “Oh my god, no, I mean, I was just joking, I-”
Daichi’s stomach dropped. Ok, so Suga hadn’t forgotten to tell him this, he didn’t want him knowing this. He shouldn’t know this. He squeezed his eyes tight. He wished he could unhear it.
If Suga was… not straight, then he had a right to come out to Daichi whenever he felt comfortable. He had clearly, for some reason, been comfortable with Asahi before he’d been comfortable with him, which was fine. It was fine.
He felt a strange flurry of emotions, having been presented with a truckload of information he was in no way anticipating when he agreed to go see a horror movie with his friends, and he was having trouble processing all of it, but all he kept repeating over and over was that it was fine.
“Look, um, I don’t know what I was saying but-” Asahi continued.
“It’s fine,” Daichi said aloud, finally, “I didn’t hear.”
God how he wished that was true.
When Suga returned from the bathroom, Dacihi’s mind could only conjure up two words. Coach Ukai. It probably wasn’t anything, Daichi knew all about Suga’s crushes, how little they actually meant, it was definitely something like that.
The more he thought about it, maybe it wasn’t that bad. He remembered Suga had a crush on their biology teacher for a bit in first year, this was probably no different from that. It just felt weird that Suga didn’t tell him.
He was used to Suga telling him everything, even things he definitely didn’t want to hear. He assumed it must just be the gender thing that he wasn’t telling him about, which, again, was totally fine, it just- he didn’t know that. And it felt kind of weird not to know something about his best friend.
Though, he couldn’t really say anything when he himself had been closeted for their entire friendship. But he’d never told anyone, except the oldest of his younger siblings, but that was only because she’d asked him directly. He certainly wasn’t talking about it with Asahi and hiding it from Suga, no offense to Asahi.
Daichi spent the rest of the movie trying not to think about Sugawara’s sexuality, which shouldn’t be that hard, given that the countless jump scares and loud, eerie music of the movie, but it was hard. Suga hadn’t come out to him, he didn’t know anything, he was trying to forget the small bit he did know, but it was just hard not to wonder.
Did he like guys? Or was the thing about coach Ukai just, like, a weird, one time thing? Did he have romantic attraction to guys? Or just sexual? Did he have a type for guys like he did for girls(pretty girls that looked like they could snap his neck if he said something wrong)? If he did, was Daichi his type?
The captain gripped the armrests beside him, breath shaky and heart racing, not because of the movie but the guy beside him, casually popping popcorn into his mouth, watching the gorey muder taking place on screen with a wide eyes and, if Daichi was seeing right in the dark theatre, a half smile. He looked over at Daichi, noticing his nervous body language and smiling.
He leaned over, right next to Daichi’s ear, “Are you really that scared?”
Daichi’s stomach flipped, reminding himself he should not be thinking about Suga’s sexuality. That this was no different than when Suga whispered to him any other day.
“Sorry I don’t laugh at literal murder,” he hissed back. He couldn’t tell him the actual reason he was on edge, “And at least I’m not as bad as Asahi.”
The two of them turned to their friend, who had somehow, despite his massive size, managed to pull his legs up onto his seat so he could clutch his knees in front of him. He didn’t even notice them turn, eyes pinched closed as the sound effect of knives through flesh sounded through the room.
Suga laughed, reaching over Daichi to tap Asahi on the neck. The ace screamed, hand shooting up to hide his neck as he leapt from his seat. Eyes settling on the giggling setter once he’d scanned the surrounding area for attackers.
Daichi raised an apologetic hand to the couple in front of them, who were giving them death stares for the commotion, but he couldn’t quite keep himself from laughing. Not with the sweet sound of Suga’s laugh ringing in his ears from beside him.
By the end of the movie, Daichi had reached a decision. He was going to tell his friends he was gay. He didn’t know exactly what that would solve. It wasn’t going to make the strange, disjointed thoughts and feelings about his best friend suddenly disappear, or necessarily help him to understand why Asahi and Suga were keeping secrets from him, but he was going to do it anyway. He’d been considering coming out for a while anyway.
He didn’t actually really know how to do that though. They’d all been friends for so long, and he’d never said anything. Did he need to, like, sit them down, like they were his parents or something. “Suga, Asahi, I’m gay.” It felt way too formal.
It’s not like he could casually mention something about a boy, he didn’t really have crushes and the closest thing to a romantic interaction he’d ever had was the first time he met Kuroo and the other captain had joked with him about a rivals to lovers storyline, which, looking back on it, had definitely just been a joke. A joke that he’d thought about for far too long.
In the end, he decided he could just do it with a text. A text to the third years group chat. They had two, one with Kiyoko and one without, but he decided the one with Kiyoko was better. He and her were close friends too, and actually, out of everyone he knew, Kiyoko seemed to be the closest to figuring it out. She averted her eyes rather quickly when she saw him and Suga too close together.
I’m gay
Daichi looked at the text in the text field for approximately three seconds before deleting the whole thing. That was too blunt.
Hey guys, we’ve been friends for years and I really love you guys, so I thought I’d let you know, I’m gay
That was, maybe, possibly the right length. Or was it too long? It seemed a little overly dramatic for Daichi, but maybe not.
Hey, this is random, but just so you know, I’m gay
No, ok, that one was bad.
Maybe it was because people normally had a reason to come out, well a reason that they could share. Daichi’s reason was mainly I want Suga to know he can have a crush on me if he wants to. Not that Suga’s crushes were ever really meant to be attainable.
He sighed, placing down his phone. Why was he even doing this? I mean, sure he wanted his friends to know he was gay, but the reason they didn’t know already was that it really wasn’t that big a part of his life. He was planning on just telling them when he got a boyfriend, whenever that would be.
Deciding that it was stupid to wait to have a good enough reason to come out, Daichi picked his phone back up and sent the original text.
I’m gay
Whatever. It wasn’t a big deal anyway.
It started to feel like a big deal when his phone buzzed five times in the following three seconds, and Daichi could feel himself starting to panic. What had he done? Why had he done that? Did he forget homophobia existed or something?
I mean, Asahi said one, weird, off-hand comment about Suga having a crush on Ukai and Daichi decided they would accept him? They would, or he thought they would, but what if they didn’t. What if it was weird, or if they told other people? What if his parents found out.
He opened the group chat to see the flood of texts was from only Suga.
WHAA-- (O_o)
bro omg!
are you serious?? 😲
that’s amazing! 💖💖💖
why didn’t you tell me? >:(
jk, lol, obvi take your time <3
proud of you! 👬💅🌈
Daichi let out a breath, something between a sigh and a laugh. Suga was ridiculous, he’d always been ridiculous. His friends were all idiots, but they were the most loving people he’d ever met. Of course they supported him.
It did feel oddly anti-climatic though. Even after Asahi and Kiyoko both responded, each with their support and congratulations, even after Asahi called him, because he actually called him to talk to him about him, offer his support, make sure everything was good with him, he didn’t feel any different than he had before he texted. It was weird.
When he got back to school he wasn’t sure what to think. He definitely didn’t feel better. It wasn’t quite clear if he was just more paranoid after coming out to them, or if Suga and Asahi really were whispering more than usual that Monday. They normally whispered a lot, didn’t they?
Daichi sighed, lowering himself onto the bench without taking his eyes off his chatting friends. Kiyoko settled herself next to him, silently. So silently he didn’t even realise she was there until she started talking.
“So, how are you feeling?” was what she said.
“Kiyoko,” he noticed, “Oh, um, yeah, I’m fine.”
“You sure? You seem a little,” her eyes drifted to where his were settled, “distracted.”
Daichi groaned, letting himself lean forward on his elbows, “Yeah, I guess. I mean, what do you think they’re talking about?”
Kiyoko laughed quietly, “You sound like Suga when he’s got a crush.”
Daichi smiled as he glanced over at her, “I do, don’t I?”
“Don’t worry, I doubt they’re saying anything about you,” the manager put her hand on Daichi’s knee, a gesture he prayed Tanaka and Nishinoya didn’t see or he might start getting death threats in his locker, “Have you talked to them yet, about, um, what you said in the groupchat?”
“About me being gay?” he asked, “What am I supposed to say?”
“Nothing! No, I’m not saying-” Kiyoko started, getting a little defensive before she corrected herself, “I just mean, is that maybe why you’re stressed about it?”
Daichi sighed again. He had to avert his eyes from his two friends as Suga looked over at him. Kiyoko was probably right, they couldn’t be talking about him. Except that they definitely could, except that they probably were. And he had no idea what they were saying.
“You’re right,” he nodded, pushing himself up off the bench, “I’ll go talk to them before practice.”
Talking to them didn’t really help. In fact, it went about as bad as Daichi could have feared. The second they noticed his approach his two friends abruptly stopped talking, as if it wasn’t even worth pretending they weren’t talking about him. Now he just wondered what they were saying.
“Hey, um, what’s up guys,” Daichi greeted, wondering how he normally talked to his friends because this did not sound like it at all.
“Oh we’re just, um,” Asahi tried to lie. He failed.
“We were talking about nationals,” Suga had always been the better liar, “Did you hear Nekoma qualified?”
“Yeah, dude, I’m pretty sure I told you that,” Daichi argued.
“What, no, I heard from Tsukishima.”
“Tsukishima, why were you talking to Tsukishima? And why does he know?”
Like that Suga was able to steer the entire conversation, keeping them far from any discussions of secrets or sexualities until Ukai blew hard on his whistle, rounding the team up for a meeting. Daichi should have seen it coming, he should have been prepared, but damn it Suga was good at this.
Daichi had known for a long time that his best friend was good at keeping secrets, but it was weird when he was the one the secret was being kept from. It put him on edge, and after about a week of Suga strategically steering conversations, and Asahi getting nervous every time Daichi approached, he reached his breaking point.
“I know you guys have been talking about me,” Daichi announced as he approached the lone Asahi who was yanking at an unmoving window.
The spiker jumped, like literally jumped at least a couple centimetres. He hadn’t heard the captain’s approach, and, well, it’s not like Daichi had done anything to soften the blow. He was being accused, and Asahi knew it.
“Um, what are you-” Asahi tried as he turned around, but he couldn’t lie to save his life. That’s why Daichi was talking to him and not Suga.
“Come on dude, you know what I’m talking about,” Daichi pressed, stepping closer to his friend, “You and Suga keep whispering and it’s pissing me off. If you want to call me a slur just-”
“Woah, woah, what the fuck?” Asahi interrupted him, “We’re not- We wouldn’t- That’s not what it is.”
“Then what the fuck is it, Asahi?” Daichi snapped, feeling a blush burn into his cheeks but hoping it read as anger. It was humiliating, honestly, having to say this. Having to ask his best friend if he and their only other friend were talking shit about him. If they hated him. He normally could rely on his friends for anything and now it just felt like- like he was alone. “Because I told you I was gay and I didn’t do that for a long time becuase I thought it didn’t matter but it does fucking matter and it’s a part of who I am and now you guys are keeping shit from me and-”
And Asahi started crying. Because it was Asahi, and maybe Daichi should have thought of that before trying to scare the secret out of him. Though, when Daichi was planning to confront him he hadn’t planned to say that much, he didn’t think he had that much to say. Maybe he hadn’t realised how much it was hurting him.
“Hey, Asahi, dude,” Daichi laid a hand on Asahi’s shoulder
“I’m sorry,” the setter burst, wrapping Daichi in an overpowering hug, “I’m so sorry Daichi, I swear to god it’s nothing like that,” He released Daichi, holding him back at arms length so he could look at him sincerely in the eyes, “It’s just like, Suga stuff, and I would tell you but Suga would probably kill me. I swear, it has almost nothing to do with you.”
Almost nothing to do with him. The phrase stuck out to Daichi. How did something have almost nothing to do with him. He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as one possibility occurred to him. To be fair, he’d come up with this idea a while before, even before he came out, when he noticed Asahi and Suga always whispering, and he’d been wondering for a while, but it suddenly felt a lot more possible than it had in the past.
“Does Suga have a crush on me?” Daichi asked, and even knowing Asahi wouldn’t actually be able to tell him, Daichi figured his face would give it away in an instant. It did. His eyes widened and his lips tightened, as if he was afraid he would accidentally make a noise if they opened.
Daichi took a breath, as slow as he could make himself with his heart suddenly picking up like a drumroll, and turned away from his friend.
“Daichi, I-” Asahi started, trying to grab the captain’s shoulder.
“I’m gonna sit down,” Daichi muttered in response, shrugging the hand off of him as he marched... somewhere. Somewhere away.
He ended up in the clubroom, his heart jittery and his neck hot. Suga had a crush on him. The cute little idea that had vaguely muddled around his head a week before, when he first decided to come out, had come true. Suga liked him. And now Daichi was a wreck.
He was happy, sort of, in a weird, unhappy kind of way. I mean Suga liked him. When he and Asahi were whispering it was probably just like the things Daichi had heard countless times over the years. Probably he’s so cute and oh my god he looked at me and do you think it would be too suspicious if I asked him his type, and the idea of Suga doing that with him made his heart flutter, sure, but that was all it was.
He’d said before he never wanted Suga to like him the way he liked all those girls he’d talked about. When it was all just weird hypotheticals and anything real, anything even close to an actual confession, was scoffed at. He always had a vague sense it would be shitty, but it was worse in the moment, in the actual action.
It was worse because his heart was racing, and his stomach was filled with butterflies, and he was realising he wanted it so bad. Maybe it was a good thing the people Suga liked normally never found out how he felt, because if Daichi never knew he could have just kept going, kept pretending finding Suga pretty was just a fun pastime to distract him in boring lectures.
Now, with the image of Suga staring back, of Suga laying in his bed thinking about him, of him overanalyzing every touch they shared, Daichi was more than aware of just how much he liked it. How much he liked Suga. It was overwhelming. He felt his breath shallowing, his heart pounding, his body might be physically shaking, he couldn’t quite tell.
But Suga having a crush on you didn’t mean he wanted to date you. Daichi knew that, probably better than anyone else. It didn’t mean shit.
“Daichi?”
The captain sank down until his head was resting on his knees at the sound of the voice from the hallway. He was not ready to do this. Not even close.
“Daichi?” Suga repeated as he swung open the clubroom door, “Oh my god, Daichi.”
The captain took a long slow breath before pushing his head up, allowing him to look at his best friend. His beautiful, perfect, best friend who had a stupid crush on him that he was in no way going to follow through on.
“Asahi told me he-” Suga started, his eyes blown wide with panic, “Well you- I-”
Daichi just stared. He wasn’t going to say anything. He couldn’t, and he didn’t want to. Suga could figure this one out himself.
“It’s not a big deal,” Suga insisted, finally, “I swear it’s just, like, it’s nothing honestly.”
Daichi sighed. He already knew that much.
“Can we just, like, not, um,” Suga looked so worried Daichi almost felt bad for him. He would feel bad if he wasn’t completely overwhelmed with bitterness, “Can you just forget he said anything. I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean-”
“It’s fine,” Daichi interrupted, because it was becoming clear talking would be more tolerable than listening right now, “Don’t worry.”
Suga’s wide eyes blinked twice, slowly, and of course, because the universe hated him, Daichi had to notice just how long his pale eyelashes were.
“It’s fine?” he asked.
“It’s fine.”
It was so undeniably not fine.
Again, it took about a week for the tension to bubble over. A week of semi-normal conversations and long awkward silences and a distinct lack of eye contact that Daichi had never before experienced in his relationship with Suga. He was feeling a lot of emotions, but he focused mainly on the one he was most comfortable with, anger.
It was getting to that point in November when it becomes noticeable how short the days are, how dark it gets when you don’t leave school until after five, when Daichi, Asahi and Sugawara were walking home one day. They were going to Suga’s house, they had a big test to study for, and they walked together in a kind of silence that was rarely achieved by the three of them together.
“Did you guys see Tanaka and Nishinoya today?” Suga asked.
Daichi just hummed, staring straight forward.
“They’re fighting, right?” Suga asked, turning to Asahi, “Did Nishinoya tell you anything?”
“Me?” Asahi confirmed, looking between his friends, “Why would he tell me anything?”
Suga smirked and looked over at Daichi, but the captain couldn’t be bothered to meet his gaze. When he didn’t react, Suga’s smile fell, but he didn’t say anything.
“It’s weird to see them fighting, isn’t it?” Suga asked, still looking at his friend, “They’re normally inseparable.”
Again, Daichi just hummed.
“Ok, I’m over it,” Suga finally snapped, “Daichi stop being weird.”
Daichi looked over at him, eyebrows drawn into a frown.
“I’m not being weird,” Daichi lied.
“Oh you’re not?” Suga asked, eyes wide enough to convey his sarcasm, “Because for some reason I thought you normally looked at me when we had conversations.”
“I’m looking at you right now.”
“First time this week.”
Daichi stopped in the street, deciding this wasn’t going to be the kind of conversation he could have while walking. Suga stopped when he did, and Asahi stopped a couple paces ahead, looking back at them with wide eyes.
“What do you want me to say, Suga?”
“I want you to stop being weird! You said it would be fine!”
“Oh, so can we talk about it again? I thought we were pretending it never happened.”
“Are you mad at me?” the setter asked, stepping closer to Daichi, “Are you seriously mad at me right now?”
“Am I not allowed?”
“What the fuck is your problem, Daichi? You’re mad at me for liking you?”
“You don’t actually like me Suga!” Daichi exploded feeling his face growing hot, “I don’t know what the hell it is you’re feeling, but you don’t actually like me.”
“You don’t get to decide that, Daichi!”
“I’m not deciding anything. I know you. You do this.”
“Oh, what do I do? Enlighten me, wise one.”
“You do this! You choose some stupid arbitrary crush and you make this huge deal about some unrequited love or something, but you don’t ever actually care, do you?”
“I don’t care? What do you mean I don’t care?”
“You don’t! If you actually cared, if you actually liked any of the people you say you do you would have done something already, but you don’t. You don’t want to date anyone, you don’t care what the other person feels you just want something to gossip about with your friends.”
It was a good thing he was angry, it was a good thing they were both angry because if they weren’t they might have realised just how close what Daichi said was to a confession, and Daichi probably wouldn’t have said it if he had.
“I like you!” Suga yelled, because he was angry, and he didn’t realise what Daichi was saying, or, if he was honest, what he was saying, “I swear to god I like you!”
“Aw, how flattering,” Daichi sang, leaning closer to Suga’s face in a taunt, “That puts me right at the same level as that girl from the record store whose name you don’t even know.”
“You think I like you like that? Like the record store girl? Daichi, I've had a crush on you for years.”
"Years?" Daichi just laughed, "Years! And yet you didn't say shit, did you? You didn't even try, once. Because you don't. Actually. Like me."
"Why are you being such a dick?"
“Suga if you actually like someone, that means you want to date them.”
“You don't think I want to date you? That's all I want.”
“Then fucking do it already.”
“I-” Suga started, before suddenly turning red and pulling his head back from Daichi’s, putting at least a couple centimetres between them, “Daichi did you just ask me out?”
Daichi blinked, eyes refocusing on the boy in front of him, who was… blushing. Who was his best friend of almost three years, who he’d probably been in love with since the day they’d met, who had just told him he liked him, who had just told him he wanted to date him, and who was standing in front of him blushing.
“I-” Daichi’s throat caught before he could say it, the anger suddenly draining from his body, along with his voice apparently.
“I think I’ll get going,” came Asahi’s voice from behind them, and Daichi was suddenly reminded that they were not alone. Quickly everything he said in that argument washed over him again as he considered the fact that Asahi heard all of it, and the heat in his skin from the anger was replaced by the heat of embarrassment.
“Yeah,” he muttered, his eyes gluing to the pavement, “Ok, see you around, bro.”
“Bye Asahi,” Suga acknowledged with a little wave.
Daichi looked up to watch Asahi walk away, staring silently for a second before he slowly turned his head to Suga. The second their eyes met, Suga’s lip twitched up into a small smile. Daichi couldn’t help but follow suit, and they only lasted another second before they burst out laughing.
“Did you forget he was there, too?” Suga laughed.
Daichi nodded, feeling a familiar flip in his stomach at the sound of Suga’s laugh, “And then we just sent him packing.”
“He’s probably having flashbacks to his parent’s divorce.”
The two of them laughed, and Daichi was too distracted by how gorgeous Suga looked when he laughed to think up anything to say, so their laughter faded into silence. Daichi couldn’t quite decide whether it was a comfortable or uncomfortable silence, but the longer it lasted the faster his heart seemed to beat.
“So, um,” Suga started, and though his smile stayed on his lips Daichi could see the worry flickering through his eyes, “Do you like me?”
Daichi huffed another small laugh.
“Your first confession,” he noted, “Now was that so hard?”
“I don’t think you like me, though,” Suga teased, stepping in, as close as they’d been before, “If you really liked me you would kiss me.”
“You don’t think I like you?” Daichi asked, raising a hand to Suga’s cheek, “Well I can’t let that happen.”
Suga took a long, wavering breath, preparing for what Daichi knew would be his first kiss. Both of theirs, actually. It was incredibly nerve-wracking, now that it was suddenly so real, especially after a full week of suppressing every flicker of a feeling other than rage, but Daichi had made such a big deal about Suga saying he had feelings for people and not doing anything about it.
He needed to kiss him. So he did.
If Daichi had known this is what it would feel like to kiss Sugawara, he would have recognised his feelings as attraction a lot earlier. He melted into it, forgetting the road around him. He was glad they made Asahi leave, because Daichi could not be sure he could remember his existence in a moment like this. He might not have even heard his voice.
Suga’s hands were gripping the straps of his messenger bag, and Daichi found himself wishing he had settled on a location for his right hand before he pulled his friend in for the kiss, because now it was just hovering, and he was too worried any unexpected movement might cause the kiss to break, and he really didn’t want to break this kiss.
Daichi didn’t know how much longer until they broke apart, but they were panting when they did. When Suga’s eyes fluttered open, Daichi had to squeeze his shut to keep from being overwhelmed. He looked like a fucking angel, it wasn’t fair.
When their breathing started to calm, and they could safely look at each other again, Suga’s smile flickered up again.
“Huh,” he huffed, “I guess you do like me.”
Daichi felt his heart start to slow, steadying into its new heavy rhythm. He would have to get used to this blood pressure, if he was going to date Sugawara.
“That’s what I was telling you,” he retracted his hand from Suga’s face, positioning his fingers to flick him in the forehead, “Stop assuming people don’t like you.”
“Hey, don’t flick me in the forehead,” he whined, covering the sore spot with two hands, “You can’t flick your boyfriend in the forehead.”
“I was flicking my vice-captain in the forehead,” he corrected, turning to continue walking down the road.
“Oh, yeah?” Suga grinned, nearly skipping after him, hands still clenched around the straps of his bag, “And who were you kissing?”
Daichi looked behind him, catching Suga’s glance as the setter came to walk in stride with him. Daichi noticed their faces were exceptionally close. He flustered for a second, first at forgetting, and then at remembering the question, but eventually he answered.
“My boyfriend.”
Suga’s feet did an extra little skip across the pavement, and Daichi began to think maybe all those things his friend said, about being a hopeless romantic, were actually true and not just an excuse to be dramatic. He slipped slender fingers between Daichi’s, somehow making it feel so natural the captain hardly noticed.
“My boyfriend,” Suga echoed, his face so close Daichi thought he might faint, though he still drew nearer.
Daichi was really glad they’d sent Asahi away now. He would not have been able to look his friend in the eye knowing he’d witnessed this. Though he couldn’t imagine being able to resist being embarrassing with Suga there being just as ridiculous.
Daichi had always thought it was a bit of an overstatement; for Suga to claim things like love at first sight, especially in highschool. He thought love was something earned over a longstanding relationship, and to some extent he was right.
To some extent, he knew the trust, the respect, the friendship he’d grown over the past two and a half years with his Suga was what made this feeling so warm, so comfortable, so perfect. He loved Sugawara for every memory they’d shared, every crisis they’d worked through together, every inside joke they told, but that wasn’t all it was.
As he stood there, hopelessly in love with Sugawara Koushi, whose hand was interlocked with his and gently swinging their arms in sync, he felt no different then he had in their first-year orientation, when the grey-haired boy had noticed him at the volleyball team’s info booth, back when they still had one.
When he’d asked, “Are you a first year too?”, slapping a hand on his shoulder with more force than Daichi expected, setting him off balance. He’d smiled wide and kind when Daichi turned to him, and as the future captain stared, trying to come up with any kind of response, a cherry blossom petal fluttered from the tree above them to settle on a tuft of Suga’s hair.
Daichi felt the same now as he did then. He’d loved Suga from the moment he’d met him, and it was only his pride that had kept him from admitting it for so long.