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The sky is as pink as cotton candy. Wei Ying sighs in awe as he enjoys the breeze on his skin, the warmth of a summer day melting into a tropical night. It’s just the two of them left with the sun setting and moon rising, the celestial cycle mocking him with the passing of their days together, the end of their summer.
He thinks to the lyrics of the song playing from his bluetooth speaker, takes an absent-minded sip from his cardboard cup and gags when he realizes there are only sour the remnants of his drink left. The mixer soda had lost most of its sparkles a while ago, but Wei Ying had insisted that no alcohol could be wasted and therefore hadn’t let Lan Zhan take the cup from him.
With numbness on his tongue and at the tips of his fingers he puts down his cup and leans into Lan Zhan’s space. It’s as easy as falling into the crystal clear lake near his childhood home, except Lan Zhan isn’t water. Lan Zhan is warm, Lan Zhan is living and breathing and looking at him with a gaze that Wei Ying can’t decipher right now.
The pink slowly turns into purple and blue with very little clouds in sight. Wei Ying thinks he can see a very bright star, but doesn’t notice the movement of it because his head is spinning when he lays down—it’s just a satellite—and then he looks up at Lan Zhan with his vision distorted and reacts to it with his fluttery heart. Every three seconds he could arrive at the same conclusion, again and again, and discover that Lan Zhan is so very beautiful.
It turns into a head-in-lap situation. Wei Ying can't visually remember what happened 11 seconds ago, and it takes a while for this fact to register in his brain. He keeps staring, wondering, admiring. At Lan Zhan’s face, so neutral, but only because Wei Ying can't read his expressions right now, and at Lan Zhan’s lap, so comfy, but only because Wei Ying’s neck ache isn’t there to bother him. He would like to spend the rest of the night like that.
He knows he drank too much. The second half of his drink is only hitting him now, later than he'd expected it to, and therefore the effect is stronger. Warm soda, strong booze, with little food eaten before it, the mistake he always makes when he thinks ‘ah, I’m about to run out of mixer, but surely this can’t taste that bad’ and regrets it later when it does in fact taste that bad.
Another sigh. This time, Lan Zhan is already staring at him. It's like he sees something in Wei Ying that Wei Ying doesn't.
Wei Ying had had plans. He had wanted to enjoy this night with Lan Zhan, but it looks like he won't be able to focus in such activities, won’t be able to show Lan Zhan that cool new graffiti he spotted two days ago, won’t be able to leave this roof before Lan Zhan tells him to, won’t be able to take him out to a nightly adventure this time.
Lan Zhan had only taken a few sips of his own. Wei Ying thinks about it a lot, whether Lan Zhan can’t actually handle alcohol or if it's just a preference. He’s abruptly aware that he has never asked.
"Do you mind?" he asks instead, mouth sore from the alcohol and heart skipping a beat when he thinks about Lan Zhan doing things because Wei Ying likes them.
Lan Zhan’s eyes are on him, looking down. "Mind what?" he asks and oh, he looks gorgeous. Wei Ying wants to kiss him. It sounds like such a great idea. Maybe he wouldn’t think so when he’s sober, but right now, when they’re close like that, it seems like it’d feel good. It makes him breathe a little heavier.
“That.. That I drank so much… I’m fucking wasted, Lan Zhan." Maybe his speech is slurred, but it doesn’t bother him. His mouth barely follows what he's thinking about anyways. He looks away.
Lan Zhan puts a hand in his hair like it’s the most natural thing to do. "I don't mind."
Wei Ying short circuits. Lan Zhan petting his hair. Lan Zhan petting him like he pets his bunnies, playing with his hair, gentle like they’re something more than best friends, and Lan Zhan always tells the truth. He must mean it, then, if he says so. Wei Ying has to believe it. “Okay. If you say so. But. I’m still sorry,” he blurts out, because alcohol makes him honest.
“Hm? Why?” Lan Zhan’s lips look even redder in the glow of the sunset.
Wei Ying looks up at the sky and listens to the song to distract himself from the bubbly feeling. He feels too heavy, as if he can never get up again. The dizziness pulls him down towards the concrete with Lan Zhan between him, softening the contact and holding him. His eyes water and he has to make it stop. Why does it ache?
“Because I can never control myself." He adds an extra pout to hide his real sadness, thinking back to the method acting video he once saw online. Maybe he could try that.
It’s always the two of them left. When the others have gone home, Wei Ying ends up dragging Lan Zhan with him to spend the rest of the night with him because he can’t stop himself from doing it. He must be the only person in the world who has made Lan Zhan stay up all night, but surely that’s okay, since that’s what they should be experiencing, right? While they still have the time and energy, especially when Lan Zhan has been nothing but a perfect student his whole life.
“I had plans for us and I wanted to take you to all these cool places but then I drank too much and now I’m too tired to do anything. I wanted you to have a fun summer and do all kinds of things with you and it always ends up like this. I don’t—Lan Zhan.”
Lan Zhan huffs. That’s amusement, Wei Ying recognizes, although it looks nothing like one would expect.
“What makes you think I don’t enjoy the things we already do?” Lan Zhan asks and keeps looking at him like he wants Wei Ying to figure out the secret behind it. He says it so gently, too.
Wei Ying has to look away. “Um.”
Of course Lan Zhan will not have that. “Wei Ying.”
“Yes?” Wei Ying looks back, helpless not to. He always does what Lan Zhan asks of him. He'll always do it, so that he can make him happy and content and maybe sometimes he'll tease him to get a rise out of him, but most of the time, it's just about the approval. “Wow. Don’t look like that. You know I’m weak for it.” He realizes what he says doesn't even fit the track of their conversation.
“Look like what?” Lan Zhan prompts. Acts like he doesn't know and goes along with whatever Wei Ying says.
Wei Ying glances at his lips and then at his eyes. “The look which means I have to believe you and then I will feel like a fool when I do.”
“But you are already countering your own statement here,” Lan Zhan points out. Trust him to always call Wei Ying out on his bullshit.
Wei Ying groans. “I am, and I hate it, but also, now I’m not sure what we’re even talking about.”
Lan Zhan goes silent for a while, thinking about the next thing to say. Then, he gives him the look which means he’s going to say something incredibly sincere, and Wei Ying only gets the warning from his voice, “Wei Ying—”
“No, don’t say it—” Wei Ying senses the incoming discreet smugness and raises his arms to push Lan Zhan’s face away before it can strike him.
Instead of letting him Lan Zhan grabs his wrists into one hand and pushes them out of the way so he can speak to him directly. “I enjoy spending time with you," he says, "no matter what it is we do." He talks very seriously, while Wei Ying goes through the whole cycle of hot embarrassment and excitement of the fact that Lan Zhan's fingers go around both of his wrists and manage to pin him in place with very little effort.
Wei Ying squirms, looking away and trying to get his hands back, but not putting any actual force into his struggling. “Oh my god. How can you even be so honest? Did you ever learn to, like, read the room? Lan Zhan, please, I’m in a very fragile state and you should know saying that makes me want to hide—”
“Wei Ying.” There’s the hint of a smile in Lan Zhan’s voice. It makes Wei Ying stop his struggle and again, he has to look at him and think, I love him. “No hiding.”
Wei Ying can’t speak. “Nnh.” He feels like a deer caught in headlights, with his eyes looking up at wonderful, radiant Lan Zhan.
“We still have time,” Lan Zhan says and the moment it lands, Wei Ying feels a wave of hurt rush over him and then he feels anxious and sad.
No, they don’t. That’s the thing. Their summer is coming to an end.
Even at the beginning of the summer Wei Ying had known it wouldn’t be enough. Nothing with Lan Zhan is. They will never have enough time and Wei Ying can’t bring himself to do or say the things he would actually like to, and the days are ticking as are the hours and minutes of this night, especially with the way his true feelings about his best friend are all kept behind a very fragile veil that even the smallest of breezes could blow away when he least expects it. “We don’t,” he weakly mumbles and hopes that they change the subject soon. He is not the master of ignoring the upcoming bad things for nothing.
“Yes, we do,” Lan Zhan insists and Wei Ying feels bad for Lan Zhan having to put up with him and to go back and forth with Wei Ying’s childish drunk-temper.
Wei Ying had thought it would be easier to get drunk and just go along with it, but turns out it just makes it harder for both of them. That makes him even sadder. He feels like drowning in misery all of a sudden, which he knows isn't very rational but rather an effect of his state, but. But. He feels it so strongly nonetheless. Everything that regards Lan Zhan makes him feel very strongly.
“We’ll never have the time to do what I really want to do,” he says bitterly, regretting every word already because it sounds cryptic as hell but he also doesn’t want to explain himself, and yet he can’t stop the words from spilling out. He’s been keeping them hidden for too long.
There’s a small pause before Lan Zhan speaks. “What do you really want to do then?” he asks carefully. His voice is low, but the tone is a bit unlike him.
That is a dangerous question. “Don’t ask me that,” Wei Ying says as he closes his eyes because it’s the only way he can hide himself from Lan Zhan and his illegally nice face. Stupid Lan Zhan and his charm. Stupid Lan Zhan and his comforting voice and dry humor.
“I am asking you exactly that,” says Lan Zhan and makes it sound like he knows something Wei Ying hasn't taken into consideration.
Fuck. Wei Ying’s heartbeat speeds up.
Are they talking about the same thing? Is it wrong to feel hopeful? Is Lan Zhan just messing with him? Is Wei Ying reading this situation correctly?
More silence. At once Wei Ying thinks through five different ways their conversation could continue from here, and Lan Zhan still keeps quiet.
Oh no, Wei Ying is falling right into Lan Zhan’s trap. He’s never been able to not answer Lan Zhan.
“You’re doing that trick again,” Wei Ying says, hiding his smile and wet eyes at the same time. It's funny. Lan Zhan who knows him, Lan Zhan who always coaxes things out of him into daylight. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Wei Ying said it now. Maybe he could take rejection better while drunk.
“Wei Ying?”
He's acutely aware he’s crying. Drunk crying. Pitiful tears that he can't stop.
What is this atmosphere? He’s still with his head on Lan Zhan's lap, with Lan Zhan’s fingers around his wrists and the others supporting his head. He could easily just—
“Tell me, Wei Ying. I really want to know.”
Lan Zhan can’t possibly be asking Wei Ying that, but it sounds like he is, and Wei Ying’s brain can’t think clearly. He inhales shakily.
The sentence forms itself of the truths Wei Ying holds right next to his heart.
“I don’t think there’s enough time in the fucking universe to tell you what I want to do with you, Lan Zhan. How I feel about you,” he says with his voice trembling and none of it feels real. He’s going to do this, isn’t he? In the end it was always going to be Lan Zhan who would make him say it. How ironic.
“I want to do everything with you," Wei Ying admits. "I want to spend every waking and sleeping moment with you. I don’t want to go home and wait until I can go out and see you again. I don’t want school to start again, because it means I’ll get less of you. I want to spend these meaningless hours with you, and maybe I want you to want that as well.”
His voice breaks and he feels more tears push out, and he can’t wipe any of them because his hands are still being held. How cruel of Lan Zhan, to make him say it like this, unprepared and so fresh and raw. He notices Lan Zhan’s grip tightening the more he talks.
He continues, “Ever since we met, it’s been like this. I like you. So much.” He sobs once and tries to make sense of the situation, but he’s never been able to do that with Lan Zhan. “I can’t stop looking at you. I can’t stop bothering you, hoping that you look at me, hoping that you’d do things with me and that you'd spend time with me, and it’s so unfair of you to make me say it now that we only have a week left. Of this. I’ve had the whole summer to tell you, but I haven’t, because you know how I am,” he swallows and sniffs once, “you know, dumb.”
They’re both shaking. Wei Ying can feel it in Lan Zhan’s whole body, and even more clearly in his own. He shudders in his core from the intensity of his emotions and the alcohol.
“You’re not dumb,” says Lan Zhan.
“I am so very dumb, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying counters with a pitiful chuckle and finally open his eyes, with most of the blurriness gone.
“No,” Lan Zhan insists with his face making a weird, sad looking frown. “Wei Ying. Don’t assume I wouldn’t feel the same. You haven't even asked.” And then Wei Ying can see the emotions on Lan Zhan as well, something he's never seen before.
“Do you?” Asks Wei Ying, feeling very wrung out and vulnerable. If Lan Zhan plays a trick on him now, he will never live to see another day. Something tells him Lan Zhan isn't though, and he just knows he can trust him with all of his heart.
“Yes. Please, Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan leans down to press his forehead against his. "Ask me if I like you and I will answer again and again,” he says with his mouth so dangerously close that he might as well be kissing him. "As many times you want to. Need to."
Wei Ying’s voice lowers into a whisper. “Does that mean you like me, Lan Zhan?” he asks, not fully believing it but also..he should have known. Oh god.
“Yes.”
“Do you mean you like like me? That kind of like?” Wei Ying asks with his voice shy and heart threatening to burst out of his chest. That's what Lan Zhan always does to him. He thinks love could be classified as a health and safety hazard.
“Yes. That kind of like.” Even as odd and back breaking the position is, Lan Zhan finally lets go of Wei Ying’s wrists and brings both of his hands to hold Wei Ying’s head while still holding him in his lap. "All kinds of like."
Wei Ying swallows another sob down. “You mean you’re equally, disgustingly in love with me as I am with you? You mean you also want to hold hands with me and hug me and kiss me and call me your..your boyfriend?"
“Yes. Yes, yes, Wei Ying. I want that so much.”
“You mean—”
"I mean no more talking," Lan Zhan says, interrupting him with a kiss and Wei Ying has never been more thankful about anything. Their lips slot together sideways, shyly and unsure at first, and although Wei Ying's mouth is numb, he knows what Lan Zhan tastes like now, knows how soft his lips feel. He releases a weak sound right into Lan Zhan's mouth. It's the best feeling in the world, and then Lan Zhan turns daring with his tongue which is wet and soft and oh my god Lan Zhan is kissing him.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that the last week of that summer becomes better than any of their previous summers spent together.