Chapter Text

Secret Garden

Book One : Cottesbrooke Hall

1 - Prologue

The morning of the day before the ball, a week after he had turned seventeen, Ainosuke was walking to the dancing room where he was about to perfect his techniques when he stopped by the window. 

From the first floor he could see Tadashi busy in the English Garden, trimming the rebel roses and their thorns that had grown so majestically since he became their gardener. Ainosuke still remembered the first day he arrived at Cottesbrooke Hall with his aunt. His father had left the estate unmown except for a couple of servants who were just enough to keep the interior presentable in case their master was to come back from London: the grass, trees and plants had long died by lack of care, it was as if they had followed his mother when she passed away. 

It was a warm day, even for the second week of May, especially in Northamptonshire; from the sweat that ran on Tadashi’s forehead and which wet the back of his shirt already, Ainosuke guessed he must have been working on the rose bushes for a couple of hours. His cheeks were slightly rosy, yet not enough to match the flowers he brought back alive. 

He stayed at the window for a couple of minutes.

“Ainosuke sama? Your teacher is waiting.” One of the servants said.

“I'm coming.” He was late, he knew, but he didn’t care. He wanted nothing but to rush down and smell the scent of roses freshly bloomed.

His eyes reluctantly left Tadashi and the frown on his face.

Dancing was a hobby he quite much enjoyed, and rather excelled at. In his opinion, this little rehearsal before the ball was unnecessary but his aunts insisted, and Ainosuke thought it was an easy way to make them happy, and that in return they would let him have a bit of respite before throwing him in the lion’s den. His reluctance did not come from dancing itself since it had never been the problem, but what he was ought to do through it was clearly something he would have liked to avoid.

Did he really have to? Coming out to the world, like his aunts said as if he was a young lady, and still so young? His father was working for the Crown. Surely he wouldn’t have any trouble meeting all the important people through him.

“You’ll go nowhere with that sort of attitude, Ainosuke.” They told him. “Your lineage means nothing if you don’t conduct yourself with proper etiquette. All, in this world, is a matter of influence and wealth, and none comes without a good reputation.”

They watched him dance with his instructor for an hour, commenting on his flaws, no matter how small they were, no matter if they existed at all. It was a game of power. With his father absent, Ainosuke was supposedly the master of Cottesbrooke Hall but the household sure never behaved like he was; his aunts controlled everything, and thinking their toxic behaviour would change after he turned seventeen had been a beginner’s mistake.

Nonetheless, now that Ainosuke made them happy they were enjoying their tea in the living room.

“Tomorrow will be a night to remember, Ainosuke. Be sure to make a good impression; your father used all his relations and chose the guests with great care.” Which Ainosuke immediately translated in ‘we preselected at least a dozen aristocrats who could be a good match for you’; it made him sick already. “Remember to behave accordingly. I’ve been told that a protegee from the Queen herself will attend the ball!”

“All of Northamptonshire's nobility would be here.” Another said. Ainsouke’s tea tasted sour. “But remember, this is a rehearsal.”

“London has better candidates fitted for you.”

“But everything is a matter of reputation.”

“The more you’ll shine here, the easier it would be to find the most suitable wife for you.”

“Why not a member of Royalty?”

“We aren’t allowed to have low expectations. We raised you with this purpose in mind. You need to rise, higher than your father ever has, for the sake of the Shindo’s name.”

Ainosuke listened to their poisonous words with his usual smile on his face. Ah, he couldn’t wait to run in the gardens. “Of course, dear aunts. I know that everything you do is out of love for me.” And their annual rent. Of course. Marrying him to a Princess...did they have anything else in store? There really was no limit to their greed.

“Young master!”

After he was dismissed from their awful company Ainosuke was seen walking hastily by the front door with a glass of water in hand. A servant tried to stop him, knowing perfectly what he had in mind.

“If there’s anything I can do for you-”

“No need! I just need some fresh air. Walking around the gardens after this intense hour of dancing would do me good.”

“But- I least, put on a hat; the sun is at its highest, I’d hate if you get a hot flush because of my negligence.”

The glass in hand and the hat secured on his head, Ainosuke wandered in the English Garden, looking for Tadashi. When he couldn’t find him anywhere, he walked to the back of the Hall and passed the lake where his father liked to fish on his days off. At the far end of the estate, a good ten minutes away from the main entrance by foot was a small garden that used to be his mother’s favourite place. Just like the rest of the domain, the flowers died with time and abandon; only the small fountain was in good condition once it got rid of the moss. Tadashi did miracles with the place. The English Garden was mostly made of bushes and roses, cut perfectly yes, of course, but it lacked something, it lacked beauty. Here, the flowers were in bloom and full of colours, and there were so many different varieties that it took Ainosuke a couple of weeks to remember their names. Hopefully Tadashi was patient. He always had time for this. He always had time for him.

Ainosuke found him resting under the shadow of the dog rose. Scattered buds had started to bloom. A pink petal had fallen on Tadashi’s hair while he fell asleep.

He lacked the heart to disturb him.

The scene was peaceful, close to what Ainosuke would call a perfect afternoon; far from the Hall and far from his aunts, he could only hear the water flowing from the fountain, the chant of birds - sparrows, most certainly, and a couple of blackbirds - along with the soft humming of nature and insects all around them. And, if he paid more attention, Tadashi’s quiet snoring.

He put the hat on the gardener's head, which woke him up immediately. “Taking a nap, old man?”

“Ainosuke sama.” Tadashi promptly went on his feet and whipped out the dust from his clothes. “How long have you been there?”

“Not a lot, be reassured. I reckon the harpies shall not be seeking me out for a certain time.” He handed him the glass of water that had turned lukewarm by the time he got here. “It is very sunny today. You must be thirsty.”

Tadashi’s eyes went from the glass to his face as if there was something to second guess. Ainosuke bit his cheek not to smirk. “Indeed I am. Thank you, Ainosuke sama.”

He tried not to notice how Tadashi was careful for their hand not to accidentally touch as he took the glass from Ainosuke’s grasps. He failed. His fingers burned from lack of contact. No other words were exchanged before Tadashi drank the glass he had been offered, and Ainosuke stared, openly, and his gaze followed the drop of water that ran from Tadashi’s lips to his chin before it fell on the ground.

“What are you doing here by the way?” He asked to ease the tension. It happened more often than not these days, and Ainosuke loved and hated it at the same time - which was quite amusing, since he was usually the cause of those awkward moments when none of them knew where to look anymore. “Have you finished taking care of the front garden?”

“Everything is ready for tomorrow night.” Tadashi was a man of few words, but they were always straight to the point. The diametrically opposite of, well, everyone else Ainosuke knew. “The bushes are cut just the way your aunts asked. I took a short moment to rest, and finish some work here.” His eyes turned to the rake and shovel that he previously put against the fountain. There was still some wild grass that needed to be turned over. “I’m afraid I underestimated the heat.”

“It appears you could use a hand. Have me help you,” Ainosuke proposed; already his hands were on the rake before Tadashi could protest. “I’ve never done it before, but it cannot be this complicated if an old man like you can manage after all.”

“Ainosuke sama!” He couldn’t determine if Tadashi was more pissed at him doing a mere servant’s shore or by the mention of his age, when he wasn’t that older - five or six years at most, which was definitely too young to be called an old man. “You are not dressed for such labour. Please. Let me take care of this.”

“But it looks amusing! I want to try. Teach me, Tadashi.”

Deep down Ainosuke knew he was being difficult and putting Tadashi in an impossible situation. Technically speaking, he was the master of the house while his father was away and couldn’t be disobeyed. But if his aunts found out they spent time there together again and that Ainosuke dirtied his hands, quite literally, then things could turn ugly for the both of them, and Tadashi would probably suffer from their wrath the most.

Ainosuke did not mind their ire. He did not care. Provoking both his aunts and Tadashi was as necessary as breathing fresh air these days, especially since they were in such a hurry to have him married. He had had no problem with it in the past, before he came here, because he had been taught in great details how his life would look like. That he would follow his father’s steps, that he would marry, have children, be rich, and stay close to the important members of society;  this path alone was supposed to secure them total happiness by receiving the unconditional love they deserved. He’d been taught so since he had started living with his aunts at the young age of five, and he had always considered it to be the only truth his heart needed.

Then he grew up. Then, they came back to Cottesbrooke Hall and since then Ainosuke’s heart had been unsure about everything.

The spark of doubt came from Tadashi. Not that he did anything to light it; or perhaps he did, and Ainosuke was still too naive to have noticed. 

In front of him Tadashi sighed. “We need to shovel the ground first.”

Ainosuke couldn’t help but smile. “What will you plant there?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” Tadashi took the shovel in hand, started the hard work. “Do you have any requests?”

The sudden inquiry left Ainosuke pensive for a moment. His mother’s garden was ridiculously small compared to the rest of the land they owned. It was surrounded by high hedges of pyracantha - the French called it a Burning Bush, how fitting - and only accessible by a rusted wicket gate. Tadashi already accommodated the place quite nicely for his own taste, with the dog rose on one side, facing orange Dahlias that would bloom later in the year, with deep blue delphinium in between, and peonies of three different shades. Opposite to the entrance was the fountain, no larger than the Hall’s usual faucets, that looked like it was made of granite if Ainosuke had to guess. What could match with such a deep grey?

“Roses. Red roses.” He looked up to Tadashi. “Cardinal Red Roses.”

Tadashi immediately looked displeased at the idea. Understandable. “There are already all sorts of roses in the gardens.” His justification missed the entire point. Not surprising again; Tadashi had been excelling at purposely refusing to follow Ainosuke’s allusions. 

They kept looking for the right flower as they worked the earth together. Ainosuke suggested Chrysanthemum and got humoured, Tadashi proposed tulips, his mother’s favourite, but Ainosuke hated them for this exact same reason, and it went on until they turned out the earth entirely and both had their forehead sweaty. Tadashi splashed some water from the fountain on his face. Part of it ended on his shirt, sticking to his chest.

Ainosuke had stopped wondering why he could not look away a couple of months ago.

“What shall you be doing tomorrow night?” He asked, another calculated diversion. “Will you join us?”

“You know very well that I cannot. As a servant I must-”

“I don’t think we shall suffer from any gardening emergency during the ball. Do you want to stay in your room, alone, while we are enjoying ourselves?”

“It is not about what I-”

“I’ll give you a suit and say you’re one of my cousins. Or a distant relative. Everyone will kiss your boots and my aunts will be furious.”

Tadashi suddenly looked very tired. “You know as well as I do that this is not possible. I am a servant. Your aunt will probably find me a suitable occupation during the ball. Being the doorman would be an honour.”

“Could it be that you actually do not know how to dance?” He asked, as if he didn’t know already there was not a thing Tadashi couldn’t do. He raised an eyebrow, defying him, provoking him. They both knew where this was leading and that there was no point in refusing AInosuke’s open hand. Because if Tadashi didn’t take him now, Ainosuke would order him to later.

Yet Tadashi played stubborn for the sake of, what, exactly? To annoy Ainosuke? To teach him a lesson? To give him limits that shall never be crossed?  As if Ainosuke cared about those things.

“Show me your skill then. Dance with me.”

 It was an order Tadashi could not refuse.

Ainosuke made sure their eyes locked when Tadashi took his hand. He made sure Tadashi felt the faint shudder that ran under his skin, the excitement in his eyes, the burning of his gaze.

“I’ll lead to show you, for a start, then it’ll be your turn. Just don’t step on my feet.” He mocked him, talked so candidly when his palms were already sweaty. “And you need to hold my waist like this”  When a hand came to hold his side Ainosuke’s cheeks coloured with a shade of pink he would have liked to be palier. Yet, he hoped Tadashi would not blame its appearance solely on the heat.

As expected, it turned out Tadashi perfectly knew how to dance. Not that Ainosuke doubted it, but,

“Dancing is the finest way to court.” He started, eyes heavy on Tadashi’s immaculate and impassive face. “On top of moving perfectly and in harmony with your partner, you have to master the so subtle art of conversation, which is, if I recall correctly, not your forte.”

“Ainosuke sama is way better than me in that domain, I must admit.”

“Shall I teach you this as well?” It was nothing but a rhetorical question, and so Ainosuke went on, “First you have to compliment the lady you dance with. Her dress, her jewels, ask her about the fabric, where she bought it, with whom.” In front of him Tadashi appeared skeptical, as if he was still trying to guess Ainosuke’s hidden motives - or rather he knew them already, but wished to be wrong. “But only inquire about other people if she starts the conversation. About family, for example. Don’t ask about her sisters while you’re dancing with her unless you want to make her feel unwanted. It’s a nice hat you have there, Tadashi.”

“It’s yours, Ainosuke sama.”

“I know. I was teaching you. You can be so dense sometimes.” He replied with an arrogant smile. “But I guess it has its charm.”

“Ainosuke sama, do you find me charming or are you insulting me?”

“You are the most charming creature I was to ever set my gaze upon.” Ainosuke said, not hiding his earnest blush. 

A shame Tadashi answered him with his usual stoicism and a perfect comeback, as always. “Indeed this is a well inspired line I shall remember next time I try to court a lady of my rank.”

AInosuke’s smile vanished from his face. “Think of me when you’ll write your vows then.” 

“I will most certainly do. Will you do us the honour of joining us for the ceremony?”

“Definitely.” The hand on Tadashi’s waist travelled on the small of his back. With a firm push Ainosuke brought their chests together. “Now that you seem at ease with conversing with the other sex, second lesson. Dancing is a game of seduction.” 

On the days following his seventeenth birthday Ainosuke almost caught up to Tadashi in height, and overtook him in build. They were so close their noses were almost touching, and Ainosuke could feel Tadashi’s breath on his cheek.

He held his hand tighter. They danced again. Tadashi led this time.

“Tell me, Tadashi.” He marked a pause. “Are you married?”

“I’m afraid I’m not.”

“Do you want to?”

“It is not my immediate preoccupation at the time, Ainosuke sama.”

“Good.” Ainosuke said. “Very good.”

He tried to dig holes with his glance but once again things didn’t happen as expected. In the end it was him who stepped on Tadashi’s shoe and not the opposite, as he had vanely foresaw.

“I’m terribly sorry!” He apologized, flustered, that Tadashi’s unperturbed gaze managed to trouble him so much. Even after all these years, he was a true enigma. AInosuke was tired of second guessing everything; but what he felt in his chest when they were together, how could Tadashi not feel it too? Did he misinterpret all the poems, the plays, the novels they read together? Wasn’t it supposed to be what true love felt like?

Tadashi put his hat back on his head. “It’s high time you come back to the main house. Your aunts must be looking for you.”

Too happy to have an excuse to change the topic, Ainosuke pouted, adjusting the hat. “Sometimes I wonder which side you’re on.”

“You know which side, Ainosuke sama.”

Neither elaborated. They both knew already. When Tadashi first arrived his father hired him to take care of the gardens. But that was more than two years ago.

Things had changed, implicitly.

“Aren’t you coming back?”

“AInosuke sama, you shall not be seen with me. I’m just a gardener. I am not worth your company.”

His reply was immediate and vehement. “Stop this nonsense! Do you really think that I care about where you come from? That this kind of consideration matters to be to...to call you my friend ?”

“Excuse the rudeness of my words, Ainosuke sama, but I am not your friend. I am your gardener.”

Ainosuke took a deep breath and exhaled just as slowly. His eyes burned with rage. Both knew they were more than that.

“Tadashi.” His voice was neutral again, a sign he quickly overcame this temporary pitfall. “As I was walking there I remarked there’s a problem with some rose bushes. I think I saw some...tiger moths. Big as my little finger. A whole colony.”

Tadashi played his role rather well himself, if not perfectly, as they both knew it was a huge lie, just a caprice to annoy him, to punish him for the harsh truth Ainosuke was tired of hearing from everyone’s mouth. “Oh? How peculiar. I was sure I checked all the bushes just before coming here myself.”

“Then you must have missed this one.” Ainosuke insisted.

“My apologies. I must have been incredibly clumsy. Would you be as kind as to indicate to me where the moths are?”

“I’ll show you.” Ainosuke led the way. He had no idea of where they were going but he only cared for Tadashi to follow him like a good puppy.

There was, of course, no tiger moth. The roses were splendid and their scent delectable. No matter how he looked, there was not a single defect, anywhere, in the whole garden. Even Her Majesty the Queen would be delighted by such a sight.

“Tell me about the flowers.”

Tadashi, perfectionist, carefully pushed some leaves that were hiding the sight of a blooming bud away. “I already told you all I know about them.”

“I have forgotten. I want to hear it again.”

“You have not, Ainosuke sama. Please. You are testing your luck.” Tadashi looked up to the Veranda on the first floor; indeed, the three harpies were watching them. “You should go back inside. We shall not be seen together more than it’s commonly acceptable.”

“You used to be kinder to me.” AInosuke said. It was meant to hurt, but it was also something he had noticed and needed out of his chest. “You used to talk to me more in the past and I cannot understand why.”

Tadashi marked a pause, clenched his fist, and eventually let go.

“You know very well why, Ainosuke sama.”

And somehow his voice wielded more regret and sadness than the coldness he probably first intended to convey. Tadashi left him there and Ainosuke did not run after him. He walked back inside the house, and dirtied the white marble tiles with mud from their secret garden.