Chapter Text
Lively music echoed through the air. Everywhere he looked, elegantly dressed people were dancing. Caesar would normally feel right at home in a crowded party like this. He was so exhausted though. His normally cool composure was starting to wear off. Unfortunately for him, Joseph had seemed to catch on to this.
“It’s a party! Don’t be such downer!” The brunette shoved a glass into Caesars hand. “Have a drink! Dance with someone!”
The blond only scoffed and glared into the bubbly drink he’d been given. Logically, he knew he should at least try to act like he was having fun. It was his best friend's wedding after all. But he couldn’t. As much as he wanted to be happy for Joseph, the only emotion he could muster was sadness. Caesar tightened his grip on the glass and silently cursed.
“There’s no one worth dancing with.” He replied coldly. Joseph pursed his lips and hummed his dissatisfaction.
In Caesar's defense, he had lasted far longer than he had anticipated. He made it through the ceremony and his speech without letting up the mask. Oddly enough, it was watching them cut the cake that had pushed him over the edge.
“Cae, what’s going on? This isn’t like you!” Caesar huffed again and turned away from him. “I’m serious! I want you to enjoy my wedding! You’re my best man! Just tell me what’s going on!”
A pang of guilt twisted his stomach. He was right. Caesar knew he was right. But he can’t enjoy the wedding. How can you enjoy watching the person you love promising themselves and their love to another?
When he looked back to Joseph, he couldn’t meet his gaze. He knew he would break the moment he looked into those ocean blue eyes. So instead, he glared at the floor.
“Caesar, this isn’t fair to me. This isn’t fair to me, or Suzie, or yourself. Whatever is eating at you, I want to help! Please!” Joseph’s voice sounded desperate. He knew he was sincere, but that only made it hurt more.
“Trust me, there’s nothing you could do to help.” He felt his bottom lip begin to tremble as he spoke. He blinked back tears and raised his glass to his mouth. A sip turned into a chug as he downed the entire beverage in one go. The taste of alcohol burned on his tongue. He set the now empty glass down rather aggressively. Joseph's eyes never left him, an expression of hurt and confusion painting his face.
“I-I don’t understand.. please just talk to me..” the blond huffed and abruptly stood from the table. For a moment he looked as if he might say something. Then the moment ended. He simply turned away, and left.
He knew he wasn’t being fair. This was Joseph’s day, and he was ruining it. Joseph deserved better. He deserved a best man who was as excited for his marriage as he was. He deserved someone who couldn’t be happier for him and Suzie. He deserved a friend who didn’t fall in love with him. Caesar wasn’t any of those things. He had tried to suppress his feelings. He had for years. For so long, he was content just to be near him, to be considered a friend. But the further his relationship with Suzie went, the worse Caesar felt. He loved them both, and of course he wanted them to be happy. But the love he had for Joseph was different. In the back of his mind, he had always hoped that things wouldn’t work out with Suzie. He hated himself for wishing that.
He walked briskly, disappearing into the crowd. A sappy love song echoed through the venue as he made his exit. It made his stomach churn.
***
Joseph had tried to follow caesar, only to lose him to the sea of party guests. Every few feet, someone would stop him to wish him well or congratulate him. He hugged and thanked each of them, all the while trying to scan the crowd for his friend. He finally spotted him heading for an exit. He politely excused himself and pushed his way through the crowd.
Once outside, he found Caesar sitting on the steps, cigarette hanging from his lips. He quietly joined him. Caesar whipped his head around, sensing he was no longer alone. His eyes were red and puffy.
Joseph’s heart ached for the blond. He didn’t know who or what could have hurt his friend like this. The caesar he knew was confident and suave. He should have been the life of the party. Whatever had happened, it affected him badly, and he wanted nothing more than to make it better.
A cool summer breeze carried a cloud of cigarette smoke to his lungs. He used to hate the smell, but he grew to associate it with the man sitting next to him. He didn’t find it pleasant now, per say, but familiar, quaint even.
“Are you finally going to tell me what’s going on?” Caesar met his gaze, but only for a second, before squeezing his eyes shut and choking on a small sob.
“I already told you, nothing can fix this.” He inhaled deeply on his cigarette, tilted his head up, and slowly exhaled into the night sky.
“Please.. “ Joseph placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, trying desperately to read his face. “Just let me try,” Joseph pleaded. Caesar chuckled a small, sad laugh.
“You want to know so bad? Fine. I’ll tell you.” His teary green eyes stared into Joseph's cerulean intensely.
“I spent months helping plan my best friend's wedding. I gladly put hours of work into making sure this day would be perfect. I did this all while knowing they would be marrying the only person I’ve ever loved.” Joseph's eyes widened in shock, and he felt his stomach drop.
“I watched my best friend walk down the aisle with the love of my life. And now, they’re going to spend the rest of their lives together, happily married and in love. And i will spend the rest of mine wishing it was me at the altar instead.” He laughed as more tears slipped down his cheeks. Joseph's mouth was agape, trying and failing to form words.
“Y-you.. I.. I asked you if you liked her before I asked her out. You said you didn’t have feelings for her!” His head was reeling. The whole reason he asked caesar in the first place was to avoid something like this. He never would have made a move if he knew Caesar felt this way.
“You did. And I didn’t. and I still don’t.” he chuckled softly. “She.. she’s the best friend in that story..”
Joseph was quiet. A million different emotions rushed through him. Caesar was in love with him. His best friend was in love with him, and he was finding out just now, mere hours after his marriage.
“No.” He finally spoke, voice shaky. His thoughts were racing. This couldn’t be real.
“No? What the hell kind of reaction is that? I just confessed my undying love for you and all you can say is ‘no’?” Caesar choked on his words. Joseph clenched his fists, knuckles white. Tears pricked his eyes.
“No. I can’t do this again.” The brunette's voice rose. His friend looked at him confused. “You can’t do this to me now! Not after all this time!” He was almost shouting now.
“I spent years chasing after you! I tried everything I could think of to woo you! I would have given anything to be with you, but you never reciprocated any of it!” Tears spilled over his cheeks, and his voice came out as a sob. “I watched you parading around with a million girls, all the while desperately wishing for you to look at me the way you did all of them. Hell, the only reason i was interested in Suzie in the first place was because she’s blonde and Italian, and the closest thing i could get to you.”
Caesar’s ears were ringing. He tried to think of something, anything, to say. His voice failed him, and he could only look at Joseph with confusion. Joseph was standing now, towering over the quivering blond.
“Why... why couldn’t you have said something sooner?” The brunette's voice was shaky, barely a sob. He turned his body away from caesar. He looked over his shoulder, eye’s unable to meet the blonds.
“Don’t.. don’t follow me.” With those final words, Joseph left. Caesar, finally having processed what all had happened, let out a weak whimper. He watched Joseph disappear back into the venue, and he cried. All the emotion he had been carefully concealing throughout the day broke through.
“Joseph... mio amore.. I’m so sorry” he buried his face in his hands and sobbed.