Chapter Text
Minho saved Jisungs life just by the touch of a hand.
When Minho was eight years old, he thought the worst thing that could ever happen to him was his friends hanging up on him, claiming they have other plans. He thought his day was ruined when it started to rain on a day, where he had planned to get ice cream. When Minho was eight years old, everything seemed so innocent and pure, every little inconvenience was the worst thing in his entire life, as he used to say. He didn’t even know what it meant to be at one’s lowest point, to actually feel bad, to actually experience real pain and sadness. At eight years old, Minho knew barely anything about the world. He had so much yet to see and he would definitely see it at some point.
That morning, Minho was planning on being nothing more or less than a normal eight year old kid. He would go in the park later on, maybe hang out with some friends, help his mother cook and then when the sun would set, he would watch his favorite tv show until he needed to go to bed. That was what was supposed to happen but yet, everything turned out completely different.
Minho was on his way to the plackground, a big smile on his face because at first, his mother wouldn’t even allow him to go, saying that she needed his help at home but somehow he still managed to talk himself out of it. A soccer ball was in his hand, ready to be played with and he was secretly hoping he wasn’t going to play alone, he was hoping that there would be kids at the playground who would want to play together with him.
He took the usual way, passed the usual trees and bushes, greeted the usual people when he came across them, everything was going normal. At least that was until he found a boy balancing on a fallen tree trunk that was placed over the small lake like a bridge. Minho didn’t do anything at first, not knowing if he should and he was actually about to continue going when he heard a faint cry from the boy.
He was trying his best to hold his balance but Minho saw just how much he struggled and as he stepped closer, he took notice of the tears under the other’s eyes. The sun was brightly shining and the birds were chirping in usion and yet there were tears in a children’s eyes, tears that Minho could and would not ignore. With every step he took towards the unknown boy, his heart tightened more. It wasn’t high up, it definitely wasn’t but even from a distance, Minho could see the many stones on the ground of the lake. The boy was scared of falling but Minho made a decision that second; he would not let the boy fall.
Finally, the scared boy noticed Minho’s presence, not being able to look at him for long until he was turning away again, staring at his shaking feet. “Go away” He muttered and Minho barely understood it, his voice quiet and fragile.
“I want to help you” - “No you don’t, you just want to laugh at me like all the other kids did”
From a very young age, Minho’s parents have taught him that a no always means no and that he should listen to people. He had never disobeyed his parents nor did he ever do something they explicitly told him not to do but right now, looking at the boy, noticing how his hands were shaking and his feet were trying their best to keep the balance, Minho wanted to apologize to his parents. He was going to help the boy out.
Minho came closer to the tree until his fingers touched the mossy wood, he made sure not to step too close to the lake, afraid of slipping and ending up falling right into it.
“Take my hand.”
Minho reached his hand out and at first, he thought the boy was going to tell him off again, saying he wouldn’t need his help or whatever but instead, he was met with teary eyes and quivering lips. The boy looked right at him, sniffing while his eyes went from Minho’s hand to his hand. He was still afraid.
In his short eight years of living, Minho never intended to save a life, never even thought about it but as soon as trembling fingertips grazed his very own, a body getting pulled closer to his within seconds, he thought that maybe saving a life was something incredibly fascinating.
He never comforted someone before, his friends would never cry in front of him and his parents always told him it would be fine. Minho never knew how to comfort people, he never did it before but now that there was a crying figure in his arms, he had to think of something. Minho thought of the nights he cried because he thought there was a monster under his bed or the one time he couldn’t stop himself from tearing up because his goldfish died, he thought of the things his mother did or the words his father said to him at those times.
Minho started with head pats, those were comforting to him, giving him a feeling of safety and security whenever he felt scared. The boy flinched a little at first, making Minho abruptly stop but then, he would lean in again, looking up with big eyes and Minho continued. When he saw that the boy stopped crying but was still trembling a little, Minho continued with comforting words, recalling everything that was said to him once. He’d softly pat the other’s hair while mumbling “It’s over now” or “Everything is going to be alright” just about loud enough for no one but the boy to hear.
Minho never thought he would one day end up basically recusing a stranger and holding him into his arms. He just wanted to go and play some soccer but the ball had long been forgotten, laying somewhere behind them as Minho was too occupied with the boy.
Eventually, they let go of each other, Minho making sure that the other was at least somewhat fine again before realling letting go.
The boy smiled at him and only now did Minho realize how his cheeks were so chubby, it reminded him of the squirrels he would sometimes spot in their garden. Only now he realized what the other boy actually looked like, not really having paid any attention to it before. The way he smiled made Minho smile with him.
“I think you just saved my life”
“Ah not really…”
But the other wouldn’t take no for an answer, shaking his head and grabbing Minho’s hand. “You saved me just by holding out your hand. I hope we will be lifelong companions.”
What was supposed to be a one time thing, ended up becoming a lifelong friendship and along the way, Minho went further than just protecting Jisung from falling into lakes, he started protecting everything that was Han Jisung.
Throughout their whole life, Minho had always been there for Jisung, always protecting him from anything and anyone. Even if they went to different schools once Minho got out of school, he would always make his way over to Jisungs school and wait for the younger in front of the gates, bringing him home and making sure that nothing would happen to him. Over the years, Minho picked up everything that Jisung was trying to hide, everything he tried to ignore. Minho realized just how much his best friend was actually suffering. It started with the older finding bruises and wounds on Jisungs body, which the younger excused with accidents like “tripping over branches” or “not knowing how to handle certain gadgets in the kitchen”. Minho wasn’t stupid, so of course he picked up on the way Jisungs mood dropped on some days or the way he just would try his best to avoid him. Jisung had always been quiet around others, he preferred it more to sit in the back and not speak at all, earning him a lot of weird looks from other students and often, those students would go further than just look at him in a bad way. Jisung never exactly had many friends because he never needed them, being with Minho had always been enough, he wasn’t in need for a big crowd of people around him who would only end up betraying him in the end. He had one true friend and that was more than enough for him.
Minho didn’t understand how people could treat his best friend like that, how people could treat anyone like that, he would never get it. Especially when Minho was the only one to ever understand him, the only one to ever see the real him. Jisung was more than a quiet kid, who’s never listening in class and always acting odd. This was his Jisung these people were talking about, his best friend. The same Jisung who manages to make him laugh with a thousand silly jokes and whose laugh is just so addicting, there is no way you cannot laugh once Jisung starts. The same Jisung who climbed through his window one night, risking so much just to be with Minho when he wasn’t feeling the greatest. This was the same Jisung who would greet every animal he meets, every child that smiles at him and everyone that would be nice to him. This was his Jisung, his best friend, his forever favorite person and lifelong companion.
This was his Jisung and Jisung was too precious to be hurt, which is why Minho promised himself that he would always and forever protect his Jisung.
However, you cannot plan out a whole lifetime, even if you would try your best because life was unpredictable, it always has been and always will be. He could plan the rest of his day or the next week but still, things would go differently. A plan wasn’t of any use, not over a long period of time. Plans never seemed to work out for Minho because everything he ever planned for his life ended up getting ruined just by one single sentence.
When Minho first found out he was dying, he thought it was a joke. No really, he thought it was quite funny, finding out that your life will end before you even entered your thirties, before you even entered the hard part of life. There was so much Minho had yet to see, do and experience. There was so much out there for him, so much left to live for but he didn’t have any time to because the universe decided to make him suffer and not only him, it would have been okay if it was only him but when he told his mother that her son will die before her, that she will never see him marry someone or build a family of his own? That was the worst part, having to let people suffer with you and Minho couldn’t do it, he couldn’t be the cause of anyone’s sadness, of anyone’s suffering just because he was going to die.
He remembered how he hugged his mother that night, never in his life had he hugged someone this long and after the hug ended, they just sat there for hours, talking about absolute nonsense, his mother was showing him old pictures of him as a child, crying as gushed over how well he had grown up. Minho used to hate looking at pictures of him as a kid, he thought he looked ugly and he couldn’t stand it but that night, he didn’t dare to leave his mother’s side, comforting her as much as possible. It felt odd, how much more in pain she seemed when Minho was the one who was going to die. It made him realize that the people around you will still continue to live, even after you are gone. They will grief, some longer some shorter but the ones who love you will keep you in their heart forever and their loving memory of you will soon turn into a painful one. You may have to let go of people but these people will live the rest of their lives without you, only keeping you in memories. It wasn’t like Minho was not going to be in pain because the thought of letting go of the ones he loved, not knowing if they will be save after his death, it pained him, it gave him nightmares that he could not escape, yet he would rather suffer on his own than have anyone else suffer for and because of him. He couldn’t let that happen.
Which is why he hadn’t told his best friend yet, Jisung didn’t know that soon enough, he will be all alone in the world. Minho couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t, he kept on holding on, hoping that maybe one day everything will just go away, everything will be just fine but he knew that he could not change fate. He could not change his future, even if he tried his best.
Jisung needed Minho. The older one knew that because Jisung had always told him that. There were nights where Jisung laid in Minho’s arms, nights where everything around them seemed to be silent, it seemed like the whole world was listening to them as they spoke soft words to each other. In those nights, Jisung would often tell him that without Minho by his side, he would have never been that strong, he would have never had the strength to fight through everything life would throw at him. Minho knew where he was aiming at, what those words really meant but he thought they were nothing more than stupid lies. Jisungs life didn’t depend on Minho, it depended on himself and himself only. Minho admired Jisung quite a lot, he admired the way Jisung would always laugh even when he was going through one of his darkest times or the way Jisung never gave up, ever. With everything that ever happened in the younger boy's life, with every stone that was thrown at him, with every punch aimed to hurt him, Jisung didn’t give up, not even once. That was all him because at the end of all those nights, Jisung was the one who had the strength to pick himself up again, to keep on going and to wipe blood, sweat and tears away from his face. Minho didn’t save him, he never did. On the day they met it was Jisung who was strong enough to reach for his hand, making his way onto the safe ground again. Minho only ever helped but still, Jisung would always repeat he needed the older in his life.
But the truth is Minho needed Jisung just as much, when not even more. He needed the boy's bubbly attitude to keep him going and his laugh that was way too loud sometimes. Minho needed Jisung to bring him back whenever the older was feeling a little lost, not knowing what to do or say. Jisung had always been there for him, giving him a hug or words of advice whenever he needed it. Jisung had always been his ride or die, his safe place, his home. All his life, Minho had been protecting Jisung because the boy was one of the only reasons Minho was still alive today. Right now, in this time and space, Lee Minho could not imagine his life without Han Jisung.
So he could not get himself to tell Jisung the truth, tell him that soon enough they will be apart. Minho knew he had to tell him, he must but he just couldn’t do it. He needed to make the boy happy first, he needed to find someone for Jisung who would take Minho’s place once he was gone, even if it would hurt, he had to do it to protect Jisungs happiness. That was all he ever cared about, all he ever will care about and if he would spend the last months of his life trying to find someone that would make Jisung just as happy, then so be it.
Jisungs happiness was what mattered most, it was what Minho wanted to protect the most.
Which is why Minho had made it his mission to find Jisung the most perfect guy in the universe, someone that would make Jisungs heart flutter and would make him smile every single day for the rest of his life. Thinking about it, Jisung had no experience in romance and relationships whatsoever, Minho couldn’t recall a single time when Jisung had told him about a boyfriend. Really, the only thing he knew about Jisung that was in any shape or form related to love was that he was gay, that’s it and it wasn’t like Jisung wouldn’t talk about that kind of stuff with him because Jisung and him would share everything with each other. So when Minho tried to set his plan in action, he realized that Jisung must have never been in love with anyone, ever. Minho wasn’t sure if making him fall in love with a guy that he didn’t even know was actually going to work out but it had to, it just had to.
Well, turns out...it really was hard. In the past few weeks Minho tried everything, really. He watched countless movies, trying to figure out just exactly the way two people fall in love with each other, so he could speed up the process. He read article over article, listening to podcasts of some real professionals talking about how to make someone fall in love with you at first sight. Minho did quite a bunch of research, probably more than he had ever done for anything school or university related. He even went as far as to make Jisung a Tinder profile and boy oh boy were there creeps on that website. Some chats with people concerned him to the fullest, it was odd what people were risking when they are talking to you via an app. Really, there were people asking for things from him, or well Jisung, that Minho had never heard of but as soon as he looked them up, he wished he never had done so.
However, creeps on the internet weren’t even the hardest part Minho faced while doing this whole thing. No, the problem was that he wasn’t Jisung but still, he kept looking for a boyfriend for Jisung. Maybe everything would have been a little easier if Jisung actually had those conversations himself or at least knew what Minho was typing because after all, Jisung is the person who is supposed to be making one of those lucky guys fall in love.
Minho needed a new plan, he definitely did. Actually, scratch that. Minho needed to integrate Jisung in his plan because else, this was never going to work out the way it should. Minho was looking for someone who would make Jisung happy for the rest of his life and not totally creep him out after a month or two. He needed Jisung to be ready for this. He needed Jisung to be ready to go on dates and to let himself fall in love. He needed Jisung to want this because if Minho knew one thing for certain about his best friends, it’s that he would never do something that he doesn’t completely 100% want to do.
Now, that is just about the trickiest thing Minho has ever been faced with.
“Say Sungie, why don’t you ever go on dates?”
It was sometime in the middle of fall, just about three weeks into Minho coming up with this whole thing. The two of them were sitting by the lake, the sun shining calmly upon them as Jisungs head rested on Minho’s lap, his eyes closed as Minho let his hands run through the younger’s hair. They hadn’t talked to each other in a good twenty minutes, just enjoying the sun and the atmosphere around them. Minho actually thought JIsung was asleep until a minute ago when the younger suddenly sneezed, scaring the hell out of Minho. He figured it would be good to first ask Jisung before proceeding with his plan, even if he already had ideas laid out in his mind. They had been there ever since he first came up with the plan and soon enough, they were the only thing occupying Minho’s brain.
Jisung looked at him through one eye, lifting his head a little before he quickly went back to his former position.
“Simple: because I don’t want to”
He held a hand in the air, covering his closed eyes and Minho was quick to realize that the sun must blind him. Holding your hand out like that will hurt after a while, Minho knew this. Which was why, the older one placed his hand above Jisungs, being the one that protects him from the sun. Jisung lowered his hand again.
“But why not? I don’t understand. Don’t you want a boyfriend or a partner or something?”
He didn’t want to indicate that Jisung needed someone by his side at all cost because people can be happy single and they can be happy in a relationship. Nobody desperately needs a relationship and nobody is less of a person without someone by their side. People can do fine on their own. Minho just hoped that Jisung wouldn’t think that this was where he was getting at because it wasn’t.
He just thought that getting his best friend on cloud nine would lessen the pain once Minho would leave him alone in this world. He couldn’t avoid that he was dying and he couldn’t change the way people possibly react to it but he could try his best to give them a reason to continue, a reason to live a happy life even if it was a life without him in it.
“Maybe I want you to be my boyfriend” when Jisung said this, his eyes were open, looking right at Minho as a grin decorated his face. Minho knew that kind of grin, over the past years he had spent with Jisung, Minho was sure that he probably knew about all kinds of Jisungs smiles and grins and whatever there was that was going on in Jisungs face. He could tell a sad smile due to failure apart from one due to the feeling of emptiness. He could tell a bright smile apart from a proud one. In all those years, Minho had seen Jisung smile at least a million times because when Minho was around him, Jisung would smile quite a lot and Minho loved his smile, he even took the time to memorize each one of them.
The grin Jisung was giving him right this moment indicated already that he was probably just joking and even if Jisung hadn’t grinned at all, Minho would still have known because he knows his best friend.
The two of them shared a quick look before they both broke into laughter. The situation wasn’t even funny nor did any of them made a hilarious joke but they still couldn’t hold in their laughter. That was just the bond between them, laughing about anything and everything because as long as they had each other and were with one another, the world was fine, the world was calm.
“Okay but come on, wouldn’t it feel nice to fall in love with someone? You know, to be completely moonstruck or starstruck or whatever people always say?”
“You watch too many movies Min.” Well of course he watched too many movies, any of his days in the past two weeks haven’t ended without at least one cheesy romantic movie. He was watching those movies for Jisung, only that he couldn’t really admit that to him because else, there would be even more questions.
“How about I make you fall in love?”
Minho had blurted out the question just three days after, when they met again to have lunch together. The small restaurant they were sitting in was cozy and quiet, there weren’t many people inside here which was even better because neither of them liked it nosy. Jisung had invited him, saying he would treat his best friend to lunch, claiming that he was just in a very good mood and that there was nothing else to it. It was normal actually, that they would treat each other meals for no reason at all but simply for the fact of spending time with each other and honestly, it was way harder to do the maths and split the bill in two than it was to just pay it all in once.
Jisung looked up from his plate, still chewing his food as he glanced at Minho with wide eyes and the older one soon realized how Jisung probably interpreted that sentence.
“Not with me, idiot. No, how about I make you fall in love with someone?”
“I already told you, I don’t want a partner right now.”
Jisungs voice was calm, he wasn’t angry that his best friend kept bugging him with the topic, maybe he was just a little bit annoyed and maybe even confused as to why exactly Minho would do this but he was definitely not angry at him.
“That’s only because you don’t even try to fall in love. You’re just hanging at home all day, doing nothing but playing video games and that is fine, really but Sungie, I saw you watching Your Name like three times this week and it’s only Thursday. You absolutely want to fall in love, at least a tiny little bit of you wants that and you know what? As your best friend it is my duty to make even that tiny little bit of you happy, so let me help you. Please~”
Minho actually pouted at the end, giving Jisung a look that reminded the younger of a little child desperate for some candy. Jisung would think it’s adorable if it wouldn’t look so ridiculous. He really didn’t get the reason behind all of this because before this week, Minho had never brought up the topic of dating or falling in love. Jisung thought that maybe it came with the tiredness he had seen in Minho’s eyes for the past weeks. He knew the older one was usually someone with a very healthy sleep schedule, so seeing how he would often yawn during the day or just look generally exhausted was quite new to him but Jisung never thought too much about it. People had their hard days, days where they had a hard time falling asleep, that was perfectly normal.
“Ugh fine whatever. Bestest of luck at finding someone who could handle my whole personality as well as you.” Jisung replied shortly, stealing a bit of food from Minho’s plate and stuffing his cheeks. “There are a dozen great guys out there, you know? You would know that if you would actually go outside and meet people for once”
The younger one looked at Minho then, stopping at whatever he was about to do and paying full attention to the man in front of him. “I know great guys, in fact, I know the most amazing person in the entire world, so why would I ever need anyone else by my side?”
Minho knew damn well what Jisung was aiming at, who he meant with those words but he couldn’t let that stupid joke get to him. This was serious and even if Jisung was just joking about it, he should stop relying on the fact that the two of them are going to spend the rest of their lives together. Soon enough, Minho will become only a memory in Jisungs heart, a friend he once had, a friend that left him alone with a whole world to deal with.
“Sungie, please just trust me, yeah? All I want is for you to be happy”
“But I am happy, I am happy with you Minho”
And exactly that was the problem.
This time, things would work out. Minho was sure they would because now, he had prepared Jisung for what he was trying to do, so actually going up to him and saying that Minho organized a date for him wasn’t that surreal and odd anymore. Still, Jisung seemed quite surprised when Minho came to his apartment one day, emptying half of his closet and picking out his best clothes. The younger just asked him repeatedly as to why he was doing all of this and once Minho told him he had found a date for him, Jisung started holding Minho’s arms, making him unable to proceed in what he was doing.
“Why?”
“I told you. I will make you fall in love.”
Jisung was not even looking at him. Instead focussing his gaze on the mess Minho had made. All his clothes laid on the floor and a few were on the bed, those who Minho had perceived as “good enough”. Jisung didn’t ask for any of this and if he was being honest, he thought Minho was just teasing him but apparently, he really wasn’t.
Now, after a little bit of talking and discussing, Jisung found himself in front of his mirror, eyeing himself up and down as Minho stepped in front of him to fix the tie Jisung had done so sloppily. The younger didn’t know how he had agreed to this but he thought that maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as he thought it would be. Minho was still busy fixing his tie, his eyes not meeting Jisungs.
“Okay so here’s the info again: His name is Hyunjin, he works as a model and everyone on the internet says he is the most angelic person in the whole world. He picked the restaurant, saying he prefers to eat fancy.”
“He’s a model? How come he agreed to all of this then?” Jisung was looking at Minho while the older still didn’t pay him any attention.
“He knows Jeongin so I got a little help. Now now, how does that look?”
Minho let go of him, moving to stand by his side, so Jisung could take a look at the final result. He looked good, he really did and all that for a man that he didn’t even know, a man who was interested in him just like that, without ever having met him. Jisung didn’t really understand those types of dating, how could he possibly start liking someone he never has seen before, never has met or spoken to? To him, it was impossible.
But still, he was here, standing in front of a restaurant so fancy, he felt too poor to even look at it. As he was waiting for his “date” he recalled the conversation he had with Minho back at home.
“You look really amazing, a suit looks good on you” Minho had complimented him as Jisung still admired himself in the mirror. He was never one for fancy clothes or overpriced food. He was never one for going out and doing something big. All of this was totally not who he was but he still decided he would go, for Minho.
“You know who I would like to see in a suit? You. I would also like to take you to a fancy restaurant one day. Maybe we should do that, don’t you think?” Minho had just laughed at that, leaving the room to grab a bit of jewelry he thought would look good with Jisungs outfit. Minho may have taken it as a joke but Jisung was completely serious about it.
“So, how did it go?” Minho asked as soon as Jisung stepped into the door, kicking off his shoes while making his way into the living room. He was surprised to see that his best friend seemed to have waited for him, thinking that Minho would have long been at home by now. Instead, the older one sat on Jisungs couch, a bag of chips in his lap as he stared at the screen, watching some kind of kdrama Jisung had never seen before. Jisung was just about to leave the living room again to grab himself some snacks when he saw the amount of tissues sitting on the couch table.
“What happened?” Minho’s eyes followed at where Jisung was pointing at with his finger and once he realized what the younger was talking about, Minho was quick to grab all the tissues and throw them into the next bin. “Nothing, just spilled something and forgot to throw them away.” Mhm, Jisung must have imagined the red color he had seen on some of them.
Once he came back into the living room, a bowl of snacks in his hands, everything was gone. Jisung didn’t say anything about it, it was probably nothing anyways. “So, you now wanna tell me how it went?” Minho even paused the TV, wanting to pay full attention to his best friend and his events of the evening.
Jisung just let out a long sigh. “It wasn’t good, it started off okay because he told me about his puppy but I just think there was too much distance between us. We didn’t even have anything in common and you know what’s the tip of the iceberg? He has never seen Spirited Away .”
“What? How could he?”
“Ugh I know right. It’s your favorite Ghibli movie, how could he not have watched it? It’s literally so amazing” Jisung complained as he kept eating the snacks in his hands.
He remembered the days he had tried getting Minho to watch all Ghibli movies with him because Ghibli movies were simply a cinematic masterpiece in Jisungs opinion, no matter which one, they all were insanely amazing. While Jisung had actually tried to make him fall in love with Howl, Minho had always seemed to be more interested in the story of Spirited Away. It was also the first Ghibli movie they had ever watched together. Jisung remembered the night they had built a blanket fort in Minho’s backyard, asking Minho’s mother to watch movies on her tablet and even if they never admitted to it, that was all they did for the entire night, just watching movies and never going to sleep or even starting to get tired. If Jisung was ever asked, he would definitely describe that night as one of his favorite memories with Minho. Especially because Minho had slept over after Jisung had come to school with bruises again, that time they looked worse than usual and without asking any question, Minho had told him he should sleep over tonight. Jisung couldn’t have been more thankful for his best friend than in that moment because he knew that if he would have gone home that day, things would have gotten even worse. It was the day Jisungs mother sent the divorce papers over, his father totally freaking out about it and searching for someone to blame.
Jisung was glad he had found a place where he was safe, a place right under the stars, side by side with his best friend. Jisung never had a home but that night, he felt like he had finally found it in the bubbly laugh and the pretty smile of Lee Minho.
They spend a little longer talking about everything that went wrong with Jisungs date. It wasn’t like Hyunjin was some sort of jerk or anything because that was far from it, the man had been so nice and lovely to him all evening. It was just that whenever Jisung would look at Hyunjin, there was something inside of him that told him this wasn’t right, this was not what and who he wanted. Above that, their lifestyles just completely crashed. Hyunjin preferred going out to parties and fancy events, wearing a suit nearly every day and barely ever being home while Jisung considered all of that a luxury. Jisung enjoyed staying home all day, baggy clothes and ordering take out instead of eating outside. They would have never worked.
That night, Minho had stayed over at Jisungs apartment, talking with him all night about all kinds of things. Their conversation about Hyunjin and dates soon turned into talking about baby animals and how cute they were, searching up countless pictures on the internet to coo over. Jisung didn’t miss the way Minho was coughing sometimes or the way he could barely keep his eyes open, trying to put on a smile and act like it was nothing whenever he caught Jisung looking at him. It was odd but Jisung thought that maybe Minho was just starting to catch a cold.
“What are we doing here?” Jisung asked one day as Minho kept dragging him down the streets until they stopped in front of a small coffee shop. Minho hadn’t said anything to him about what he was planning or what they were doing, he only had called Jisung three days ago saying he should keep his calendar clear for today.
“You’re going on a date” Minho just replied smiling a little as he proceeded to fix Jisungs hair, which had turned into a mess on their way here.
“Another one?”
By now, Jisung had already been sent on three days by his best friend so far. The first one was Hyunjin, but that didn’t work out.
The second one was a guy named Changbin, Minho had apparently met him at the tattoo store he owned and honestly, Jisung was a bit intimidated at first until he later found out that they guy was literally the softest man alive. Their date was sweet, they went for ice cream which Changbin had paid for and after that, he gave Jisung lessons on how to do graffiti. It was perfect actually, Jisung enjoyed it a lot. Well, that was until Changbin got a call from his ex. So, long story short Jisung spent a good 30 minutes advising his date to go back to his ex because clearly, he was still in love with that Seungmin guy. Which means, the second date also didn’t work out but at least he found a new friend.
Then the third one didn’t even show up at all. Minho had driven him all the way to some really classy museum because the guy apparently worked there but as time passed, Jisung just found himself admiring the museum all by himself. He didn’t even know the name of the guy who was supposed to be his date, only that he was very interested in photography. Jisung hasn’t heard anything from him but honestly, he wasn’t really upset about it either.
This was the fourth one now and Jisung still wondered why Minho put in so much effort for him, especially because he had taken notice of how worse Minho’s cold seemed to have gotten. They had run here and once they stopped, the older man coughed heavily for a good ten minutes until he found himself calming down again. Jisung was worried about his best friend, of course he was but Minho wouldn’t even let him worry. Whenever Jisung tried to ask him if he was fine or if he needed anything, Minho started talking about dates.
While Jisung was going from date to date, meeting one guy after another, Minho started feeling worse with each passing day. The doctors never told him a direct date, only said it would happen sooner than they anticipated, which means that by the start of next year, it would be a literal miracle if he was still breathing.
At first, Minho thought this was going to be easy, finding dates and watching Jisung discover himself, live his life without him and fall in love but...he had been wrong. It wasn’t easy at all and by that he didn’t mean the fact that Jisungs dates kept failing. No, the hardest part was seeing Jisung laugh without him, only watching him from afar and not being part of whatever made him happy. Minho thought he could do it but it was just so much harder than he could ever imagine. He was still there, he was still alive yet with every date Jisung went on, he felt himself slowly losing breath.
The days and weeks kept passing, the start of autumn coming closer and with each day that changed, Minho was more and more anxious. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want any of it. Simply because he didn’t think he could do it, leaving. He couldn’t leave this world and have people live without him. As selfish as it may sound but Minho couldn’t see Jisung without him, it pained him to the point where he had to try his hardest not to cry whenever he would leave Jisungs apartment at night. He was scared that the next morning, he couldn’t see him anymore, that his last words weren’t of any meaning.
Minho wasn’t scared of dying, he was scared of not being with Jisung anymore.
These days, most nights Minho would spend laying awake despite the feeling of exhaustion pressing onto him, trying to tell him that he should get at least the slightest bit of sleep but he couldn’t. He rather spent his nights awake, thinking of everything that ever went right in his life, everything he had done up until now. He thought of Jisung and all the memories they shared.
Minho thought of the day Jisung and him went to a party in their highschool years even though Minho was the only one who had gotten an invitation. Jisung would tell him a million times to go without him because people didn’t want him there but Minho didn’t listen, if he was going somewhere, people better expected Jisung to be there too because never in his life would Minho go anywhere without his best friend. At least that was what they had always said as children, what they had promised each other. However, the party wasn’t what Minho had been wanting to remember because in all honesty, the party went downhill as soon as it started. Jisung was considered an outcast and having him at that party was definitely not something that was liked by many people. In fact, the two of them left after a good hour because after chatting with a few people for a bit, Minho had found Jisung crying in the bathroom all by himself. Minho didn’t take him home instantly because he knew that the younger didn’t want to go home. So instead, they went on a little adventure in the middle of the night.
A few days prior, Minho and his family had gone on a little walk together and that was where Minho discovered this big oak tree in front of a lake. It wasn’t far from the house the party was at, which is exactly why Minho decided to take Jisung there. They started holding hands at some point because the walk into the small forest was a bit rocky and Minho didn’t want Jisung to trip and hurt himself in any way.
“Why are we here?” Jisung had asked as soon as Minho stopped and turned on the flashlight of his phone, pointing at the tree in front of them.
“You know, my mom watches all these old romance movies and sometimes the two characters would carve their initials into a tree because they were sure their love was forever. I thought it was silly at first but now I kinda want to try it:”
Luckily, there was a small pocket knife in the bag Minho had brought with him. Jisung just stared at it for a second before looking up at his best friend again.
“But we aren’t lovers, are we?”
“Of course we aren’t but I mean, you know…” his voice became more quiet towards the end and the younger one couldn’t even hear the end of the sentence.
“What was that?”
Minho sighed but still, he looked at Jisung in the dim light.
“Even if we may not be lovers, I still want to spend forever with you. I want to be your best friend until eternity Jisung, you think you are down with that?”
And Jisungs lips curved into a bright smile, nodding eagerly.
“Yeah. I’m definitely down with that”
Which is why there now existed a tree that read “LM and HJ”. Even if people won’t, memories will always stay and Minho realized that at the end of the day, the only thing that really lasts forever are the memories you created along the way to eternity.
When Jisung came home from his date, Minho wasn’t waiting for him like he was on the first one. Jisung came home to an empty and cold apartment because he hadn’t stepped foot into his home all day. After heating the room up a little bit, the man debated if he should call his best friend or not because he really wanted to talk. From the moment he stepped out of that coffee shop up until now, Jisung had been smiling non stop.
His date had literally been perfect. Chan, that’s his name, was one of the most amazing and fascinating man Jisung had ever met in his entire life. Seriously, the entire day Chan had been making sure Jisung was fine, asking him what he would like to order, if everything was fine with his order and on top of that, Chan even gave his coat to Jisung when the younger tried to hold his shivering. Chan still noticed, Chan actually took notice of a lot of things Jisung tried to hide or did unintentionally. Being completely and brutally honest, Jisung think that Chan must have stepped right out of a fairytale or something because in no way did a man as perfect as him exist in the real world.
Jisung had just been over the moon the entire time, mesmerized by everything Chan had told him about himself and his life. They shared so many interests too and everything just felt so good with Chan. The way he took care of Jisung, protected him and took interest in him. Chan was utterly and 100% completely perfect. Chan would be a guy Jisung could see himself falling in love with.
Yet the younger decided to not ask for a second date. Even if Chan was everything a normal man could never be and even if he knew he would never meet someone like that again, it still didn’t feel right. Whenever he was laughing with Chan, he thought of all the jokes Minho had ever told him when he was feeling down. Chan offering his coat just brought Jisung back to the times when Minho would lend him his clothes, pulling his own hoodie over his head only to give it to Jisung instead. The younger never complained about the coldness but Minho still noticed. When Chan asked if everything was alright with his food, Jisung remembered all the times Minho had taken carrots off of Jisung’s plate because the younger really despised them. Minho had always taken them without Jisung even having said anything because Minho simply knew. Minho knew about everything Jisung liked and disliked, knew all his flaws and strengths, knew what could make him laugh and what brought him to tears. Minho just knew.
And exactly that was the problem.
Because how would he ever be able to fall in love with someone if the right person was just in front of him this whole time. Minho was honestly the worst if Jisung thought about it. The way he had always protected Jisung from the very start up until now, it made Jisung hate him so much. I mean, how could Jisung not totally hate him? Minho wasn’t perfect, he was far from it. In fact, Minho always had a habit of snoring whenever he was stressed or taking over the whole blanket, leaving nothing for Jisung. Minho never finished his food, giving his leftovers to Jisung instead. Minho tended to be quite busy because he kept helping out at the local animal shelter or he was babysitting his neighbors kids. Minho would never leave him alone when Jisung cried, always staying with him until he felt better. And the worst of all? Minho doesn’t even seem to care about himself, he doesn’t care at all because he spends all his time taking care and protecting Jisung.
He hated his best friend because thanks to Minho, no other guy would ever have even the slightest chance at making Jisung fall in love. Not when he had already fallen so deeply for a man he despised so much right now.
Rain kept falling from the sky, making the busy streets a little dangerous and the cozy houses even more comfortable. The leaves were slowly falling onto the wet cold ground, staying there for a while until soon enough, they were carried away by the breeze of the wind. It was the middle of the day, the people were still busy and the world was still turning. It was that rainy normal day that Jisung realized that his best friend definitely did not have a cold.
It started with light coughs, Jisung just dried the dishes from lunch as he came back into the living room and found his best friend. Minho was trying his best to calm down and Jisung was trying his best to help him, hurrying back into the kitchen to get a glass of water but once he returned, he immediately took notice of the red liquid all over Minho’s hands, dripping down from the corners of his mouth. Jisung was quick to react, not even waiting for an explanation or whatever and instead, grabbing the phone to call an ambulance. This wasn’t a cold. A simple cold didn’t lead you to spit out blood. Jisung was trying his best not to panic at that very moment, trying his best to stay as calm as possible because Minho needed him right now. Right now, Minho was the one who was suffering, the one who needed to be protected.
The ambulance was there quickly but still not quick enough in Jisungs opinion. They didn’t waste any time in getting Minho in the vehicle, Jisung being allowed to drive with them to the hospital. On the way there, Minho wasn’t even breathing properly, he couldn’t say a single word without having to cough and whenever he coughed, blood would come out. It was a horrible sight to see but Jisung knew it was worse to actually experience it.
“Please be alright. Please be alright. Please be alright.”
Jisung felt like he was slowly going insane. They had arrived at the hospital over an hour ago and ever since then he hadn’t seen or heard from his best friend. The doctors just kept passing him in a hurry, no time to be asked any questions. Jisung was left to stand alone in the hallway of the hospital, sitting down for a minute and standing up the other. He couldn’t hold still because everything in him was freaking out, everything inside of him needed to know how Minho was doing. Right now.
It wasn’t until twenty minutes later that a doctor finally came out and actually stopped for more than just a second. Jisung sighed in relief as the man also allowed him to ask a question.
“How’s he? How’s...How is my best friend?”
Jisung felt like back in primary school when he used to get picked on, trying to stand up for himself but the words just didn’t sound right and he only grew quieter by each letter. It was pathetic really but he couldn’t help it. He felt so weak. so stupid, so....useless. His best friend was suffering from whatever right now and Jisung couldn’t do anything about it. He could just stand outside and think. Which was literally the worst because whenever he was left alone with his mind, there wasn’t much good coming out of it. There weren’t many good thoughts, barely any to be exact. It was hard, being left alone with your mind but wanting to be anywhere else but in it. Jisung didn’t want to hear his own thoughts.
“We ran a few check ups and you should be able to see him soon. Mind if I ask but, did he seem weak in the couple of days or weeks? Did he eat less, lost a lot of weight, barely slept or even slept too much?” The doctor’s tone was calm, it brought Jisung back to reality.
He thought for a second, did Minho seem weaker? The answer that was all over his mind shocked him. Jisung didn’t know. The last few days and weeks, he had seen Minho daily yes but he never took notice of how his friend looked, if he ate anything or if maybe he seemed extremely tired. Jisung noticed a few things, of course but that was by far not all of it. The past few days and weeks, Minho was too busy organizing dates for Jisung, so the younger one actually never had the chance to ask Minho how he was doing, how he was feeling and if anything was wrong. Jisung felt bad because all the times he did notice, he decided to simply brush it off.
More doctors and nurses exited the room about a few minutes later, one of them looking at him and nodding with a smile. He could finally see his best friend.
Jisungs hand rested on the doorknob for a little, somehow too scared and anxious to actually enter because at that moment, he felt like the worst friend ever. Minho deserved someone who cared about him, someone who would have noticed all these things, someone who would have reacted sooner. Jisung wasn’t even half that much of a good friend as Minho was. But still, he couldn’t just leave the older one alone, he could never. Jisung made a promise to himself as he turned the doorknob, from today on he would become a better friend for Lee Minho, he would always ask him immediately if he noticed that something was off. Jisung would do better, starting from today.
“Hey, how are you feeling?”
The Minho laying in that plain hospital bed right now wasn’t anything like Jisungs Minho. His Minho would always carry the sun within his smile, would never let his facade fall around Jisung because he always put Jisung first, no matter how much he himself was hurting. His Minho would look directly at him, would put on a stupid grin and make a snarky comment if Jisung looked a little too worried. His Minho would never let anyone see the way he was truly hurting.
But this Minho? This Minho was different. He was pale, one could almost compare him to a vampire from some trendy teen show and he didn’t even try to put on a smile when Jisung entered the room, instead looking away quickly but Jisung still caught a glimpse of his eyes. Jisung caught the way the older one’s eyes seemed to be filled with tears. It hurt Jisung to know that Minho would prefer to hide away what he was really feeling instead of showing it to him.
“I’m...I’m okay” The sentence was barely audible, the tone weak and quiet. Jisung knew his best friend was lying because how could anyone say they were okay after having to be driven to the hospital?
Jisung didn’t respond at first. He made his way over to the chair that was standing beside Minho’s bed, taking a seat and looking at Minho who was still avoiding his gaze. Jisung felt so helpless in that moment, so incredibly useless and pathetic because he was here and all he could do was grab Minho’s hand, caressing it softly while looking at his best friend. Jisung even had to try his best at holding back his tears because after all, this wasn’t about him, this was about Minho and how could he be the one crying while Minho was the one truly hurting?
“You won’t tell me what the doctors said, will you?”
No answer. Jisung tried to figure out what Minho was thinking about just by staring at him long enough but it didn’t help, he was still clueless.
Jisungs hand still rested on top of Minho’s, he was just holding it like that and after a few more moments of utter silence, Minho shifted a little, placing his other hand on Jisungs and looking at it. “I’m sorry.” The younger looked up in surprise, he watched as a few single strands of hair started falling into Minho’s face as he lowered his head even more than before.
“I’m sorry that you have to be here right now. I’m sorry that you had to see me...like that. God Jisung I’m so sorry because if it wasn’t for me, you would be on a date right now. You would be happy right now. I’m so-”
“If you say sorry one more time I’m going to seriously hit you with something in this room” Jisung threatened, interrupting his best friend’s little speech because in all honesty, it hurt to even listen to those words. Minho had no reason to be sorry, no reason to apologize to him because it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t choose to be here right now, he didn’t choose for things to happen the way they ended up happening. And then, even if he would have chosen, Jisung would still be here because there was no way he would ever leave his best friend alone in times like this.
Minho looked at him then and really, it was hard for Jisung to not just break out into tears right now. It was the way his best friend, the person he loved the most in the entire world, looked so incredibly broken and exhausted right now. His hair was a mess, his face pale, dark bags under his eyes and there was no sight of a smile. Jisung squeezed Minho’s hand, trying to at least do something.
“Why are you doing this?” There was a single tear rolling down Jisungs cheek as he watched how Minho started coughing again. It wasn’t as bad as before but now every time something happened, Jisung instantly started to feel panic building up inside of him.
Minho calmed down again, taking a sip from the glass of water standing on his side table. “What do you mean?”
“All these different boys, the dates you sent me on. What do you want to achieve? Are you trying to get rid of me or something because you know, there are other ways to tell me that you don’t want to be my friend anymore than to push me towards some guy with broad shoulders and dimples”
Jisung didn’t mean to raise his voice, he didn’t mean to sound angry but he couldn’t stop it once those words left his mouth. The thought has been in his mind for a while now and he really didn’t like to think that way, to think about the fact that maybe Minho was trying to get rid of him that way. Jisung couldn’t even find a valid reason for the older one to do so but still, the thought was always in the back of his head.
“No Jisung, I’m just..I’m trying to make you happy alright” The younger couldn’t help but scoff at that. What was Minho even saying at this point? It was just ridiculous how his best friend seemed to think about him? Doesn’t he realize anything?
“Make me happy? I am happy and then, even if I weren’t, trying to make me fall in love with a stranger would never work out, it would never make me happy.”
Growing up, Jisung had always thought of Minho as one of the smartest people he ever knew. The older one always had good grades and that even in the hardest subjects, he would come over countless days and try to teach Jisung how science works even if Jisung just claimed it to be completely useless. Minho was one of the smartest people Jisung ever knew in his life but then again, every genius had their dark spots. Minho’s dark spot was being so incredibly oblivious, it actually hurts.
“Then what would make you happy?”
“For you to finally open your goddamn eyes-” Minho looked at him in confusion while Jisung just scoffed once again, getting closer to him, Jisung then intertwined their hands. His gaze wouldn’t leave Minho for even a moment.
“I don’t want a boyfriend, I don’t want to fall in love with a stranger or go on a million dates to find ‘my person’ and you want to know why? Because I already found him. I already am in love, I have been for so many years now. I am so incredibly stupidly in love with someone who is trying his all to make me fall for someone else but let me tell you something. I will never be able to love anyone else, I will never be able to be happy with anyone else because it always has been and always will be you Minho. You are my happiness, you are my person and I don’t ever want to be in love if it’s not with you.”
Minho couldn't believe it. Has he even heard that right? This was his best friend, his Jisung, his squirrel boy, his everything who just told him all of those sweet words, who just confessed his love for Minho. The older one had to process the words for a bit, checking over and over again if he had heard every single one of them right. Jisung, his Jisung was in love with him and Minho didn’t know how to feel about it.
“You...you can’t just say that” Minho mumbled, voice shaking slightly and he was trying to once again avoid Jisung’s gaze but the younger wouldn’t let him, letting go of their intertwined fingers and instead placing his hand on Minho’s neck, forcing him to look at Jisung this way.
“Why not?”
Minho felt tears escaping his eyes and even as he tried his best not to cry, he couldn’t help it. Jisung’s hand immediately travelled up, wanting to wipe them away but Minho grabbed it right before. Once again, their hands rested on top of each other.
“You simply can’t. It’s not...it isn’t fair”
Jisung shook his head in response, now there were tears in both of their eyes even if at the start, both boys promised themselves they wouldn’t cry in front of the other. “What about this is not fair Minho? I love you and that is both the beginning and the end of it. What about it isn’t fair? You can’t just...You can’t just tell me that”
Minho’s voice grew quiet until it was only a whisper, a choked sob leaving his lips as he tried to deliver the words that he never planned on saying to his friend, that he never planned on revealing.
“I’m dying Jisungie”
Silence fell upon the room, unbearable, painful silence. The sun was shining outside, the sky wore a bright blue color, everything seemed so perfect when you only looked at it from the outside. Everything was warm and sunny, the flowers carried the prettiest of petals and the birds were happily dancing in the sky. Everything was perfect when you didn’t look inside the hospital window where two boys were currently sitting, two best friends in love with each other, who just found out that maybe this summer was their last one together.
Minho wondered right then, if maybe in another universe there existed another Minho and another Jisung. Maybe in another universe that other Jisung just confessed to the other Minho too and maybe in that universe, Minho would have cried tears of happiness at that, maybe they would have kissed and asked each other to be boyfriends. Maybe in another universe, they would have written the best love story of all time but in this universe, their story was nothing more or less than a simple tragedy.
The older one was being awoken from his thoughts when he caught a glimpse of Jisung’s hand falling from his cheek, dropping on the bed sheet instead and just resting there. Jisung didn’t even look at him anymore, Minho had no idea where he was staring at, maybe it was the wall or maybe the window, Minho really couldn’t tell.
“This...This can’t be true, right?” Jisung started shaking his head violently and it took Minho a moment to react, grabbing his face with both hands and making him stop. But the eyes he was met with were ones he had never seen before. Jisung’s eyes always seemed to be filled with huge excitement or joy but right now, Minho stared into empty dark orbs that were staring right back at him. “There must be a way. I mean, there is always a way. We are in a literal hospital, let me talk to some doctors, we will fix this. You will be okay again, yeah? This...This isn’t happening. Wait here, yeah? I’m just going to go and get a doctor.” Jisung spoke fast, rising from his seat when he was finished, the chair made a loud noise, almost falling backwards. Jisung was about to leave when he was held back by a firm grip around his wrist.
“It can’t be fixed Sungie...I wish it could but, I have already tried everything. I don’t have much time left and nobody can do anything about that”
Minho had imagined a lot of times how Jisung would react when he finally told him the truth and in almost all of those versions he made up inside his head, Jisung had been furious, Jisung had hated him for keeping this from him. In all those versions, Jisung had left him but in this one, he stayed. In this version, the only version that mattered, Jisung broke down in front of him, his knees hitting the floor as he cried on the side of Minho’s bed.
This time, it didn’t matter if he cried or not because this time, it finally hit him that this, all of it, was for real. His best friend was sitting right in front of him, wearing one of these white ugly hospital gowns and Jisung realized, this was the road to the end.
That night, Jisung spent a lot of hours crying his eyes out and Minho let him, they didn’t exchange many words because neither of them knew what would be a good conversation to have in a situation like this. Minho would just pull Jisung on his feet before telling him he should lay down next to him. Jisung did so, the two of them laying together in the small hospital bed as the night kept on continuing, the stars kept on shining and soon enough, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.
When Jisung woke up the next morning, he thought he had just woken up from the worst nightmare he ever had but as soon as his eyes spotted the familiar window of the hospital and all the gadgets that were installed beside the bed, Jisung came to the realization that his worst nightmare hadn’t even fully started yet.
In the morning, Minho had spent his time telling his best friend about the first time he found out he was sick, about the way he told his parents and a few other family members. Minho also told him why he had never been able to tell Jisung the truth about his condition.
“So you thought sending me on dates would really make me forget you? You’re my best friend Minho, you are the one person in the world I care about the most. I could never, in a million lifetimes, forget you or the way you made me feel.”
That was the hardest part, knowing that Jisung was now well aware and that he still chose to stay by Minho’s side even if the older one would tell him to leave about a thousand times. Minho didn’t want to hurt Jisung, he didn’t want to make the pain even more unbearable, he didn’t want any of this. If Minho could choose, he would get Jisung to board a plane and fly away as far as possible. It hurt Minho to not be with Jisung but it hurt even more when he had to think about the fact that Jisung planned on staying by his side until he took his very last breath. Minho didn’t want Jisung to be with him when he passed, he didn’t want to put Jisung through this misery.
All his life, Minho only ever wanted to protect Jisung and now he couldn’t even protect the younger one from the pain Minho was about to engrave into his heart.
The following days and weeks, Minho’s condition only worsened. He had started to lose weight very drastically at the beginning of the month and now by the end of it, his appetite and his motivation to eat anything was almost fully gone. He was happy he was still able to hold himself on his two feet but that too didn’t work for a long amount of time. The hospital kept an eye on him but even they couldn’t stop it, they only were able to make it hurt a little less.
Jisung was there through it all, through every moment of weakness Jisung was right on Minho’s side. He would always visit him every morning after his classes ended and would stay until visiting hours were over. Minho could see how exhausted he was whenever he entered, seeing as Jisung also barely caught any sleep these past weeks. Yet, no matter how many times Minho would tell him he would be fine for one day, Jisung insisted on staying because in all honesty, Jisung was extremely scared.
He saw the way Minho went from coughing blood to barely being able to walk for longer than ten minutes. He took notice of how long it would take the older one to form a whole sentence or even think about one. Jisung hadn’t seen Minho smile ever since he got admitted into the hospital and even if Jisung knew there was nothing to smile about, he missed seeing it. He missed hearing Minho’s joyful laugh or listening to his silly jokes. He missed spending time with his best friend the way they used to because now all they did was sit in the same exact room for several hours and sometimes they wouldn’t even talk. Sometimes Jisung would just sit there and study for an upcoming test while Minho was sleeping soundly next to him. Sometimes Jisung would read a book to the older one or tell him how his day went. Minho would just sit there and listen, sometimes he would try to answer but very often he gave up mid sentence, seeing as there was no point in talking anymore because even that he forgot how to do.
The month of October rolled by and by that time, Minho was caged to his bed, having to ask for help when he wanted to go to the toilet and the only time he got a glimpse of the outside world was when the window was open.
It was the 25th, Minho’s birthday and just like every other day, Jisung entered the hospital and greeted the nurses he was familiar with. It was a strange feeling how familiar it felt to enter the building, how he spent more time here than in his own apartment. It would be odd to another but it was normal to Jisung.
Normally, the two of them would go completely crazy on this day, going on a weekend trip and getting completely wasted there, crashing a party of some strangers because they were too lazy to organize their own, baking cake at 3am in the morning and eating it right after even if they promised themselves it was for Minho’s guests. Every single year, they used to celebrate Minho’s birthday like it was his very last one. Now it probably was his very last birthday and there was no sight of any form of celebration. There was nothing they could possibly do on this day with MInho’s condition being the way it is.
Jisung entered the room and just like always, he greeted his best friend with a slight smile. It was hard for him too, putting on a smile when he knew that every day could be the last one, that each second he spent with his best friend could be the second he’d take his last breath. It was hard but Jisung was still putting on a smile, wanting Minho to know that he was alright even if he wasn’t.
“There’s the birthday boy” Jisung came closer to him, putting down the bag he had brought with him. When he leaned forward to hug his best friend, he could feel the other’s bones poking through his skin, he could see the way his eyes lost color with every day that was passing. Just five months ago, Minho had sent Jisung on his first ever date and now, five months later, they were in the hospital and the only person Jisung ever wanted to go on a date with was dying.
Minho didn’t reply to him, didn’t even greet him back but Jisung was used to that by now. He could still speak if he really tried but oftentimes, it was Jisung who preferred that he wouldn’t use his voice for unnecessary sentences. Over the time, Jisung had accepted the fact that he was basically talking to himself most of the time, there was just somebody looking at him while he was doing so.
They spent a few seconds just sitting by each other’s side, Jisung had told him about his day and Minho had listened, sometimes he would nod or shake his head but that was about it.
If Minho would still be eating, Jisung would have tried to bake a cake, even though he probably would have just ended up buying one from the bakery because everyone and their friends were well aware of the fact that Han Jisung could not bake by all means. It always turned out to be a huge disaster and Minho even forbade him to buy anything that could be used for baking, too scared Jisung would set his apartment on fire or something. Jisung chuckled at the thought of that and Minho was looking at him in confusion, wanting to know what he was thinking about.
“Ah I just remembered the many times you’d tell me how much of a horrible baker I am. I mean, I can understand it because I did almost burn your kitchen down because I forgot about the cupcakes but if we are being honest, that was your fault too. I would have never forgotten about the cupcakes if your cats would have never ran away, so yeah...it wasn’t entirely me.” He watched how Minho’s lips tried to curve up into a smile but failed. Still, Jisung knew Minho would have let out a laugh if he could and that was all that counts.
“Or oh, do you remember that one time where we were trying to run away from home after watching this one movie? I still see us packing only two sandwiches each and putting them into a small bundle, which we would then hang on a fallen branch. We really thought this is how we were able to start a new life”
Jisung let out a dry laugh, everything was so much easier when they were just two children without any care in the world, thinking that they would live forever. He still recalled the many nights they would plan their futures together, debating on how often they could see each other when they had a family of their own but somehow, whenever thinking about a family that didn’t include Minho, Jisungs heart started to ache. The younger one couldn’t remember when he first started developing feelings for his best friend, maybe it just happened somewhere along the way because how could someone not fall in love with Minho? The older one had always been caring and overly protective, he would always put Jisung first, no matter what, even when he knew that he would die soon.
That was when Jisung understood something. No matter how many people would enter his life after Minho, no matter what role they would play or how often they made him laugh. No matter how beautiful they looked and how much their eyes sparkled. No matter who they were, there would never be someone like Minho in his life again. He would never meet anyone like Minho and he didn’t even want to because he planned on remembering his best friend, he planned on cherishing each and every memory with him. No matter what would happen in Jisungs life, Minho would always carry a special place inside his heart.
Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Jisung threw a quick smile at Minho before reaching for his bag and pulling out what he had brought with him. “Okay so I have a surprise for you but you gotta keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them again, yeah?” Minho just nodded in response, proceeding to close his eyes without any more questions asked.
Jisung was quick to unpack the surprise he had prepared, turning the whole hospital room into a completely different room. Once he was done, he silently made his way back to Minho’s bed, leaning forward until his face was only a few centimeters away from Minho’s. Without a warning, Jisung planted a soft kiss on his best friend’s cheek, smiling to himself. “You can open your eyes now”
The first thing Minho saw when he opened his eyes was Jisungs bright smile and in that moment, he had never wished so badly that he could return the smile. Jisung’s face was beaming with joy and Minho almost couldn’t take his eyes off him but then, his attention fell on the room. Jisung went back to sit next to him again, giving him a better chance to look at everything.
The once so plain and boring hospital room was now drowned in stars, a bunch of fake candles were lit inside the room, making it look like a completely different place. Minho was in shock at how beautiful everything looked around him, at how Jisung’s eyes were glistening and how his smile was still warmer than each of those candles could ever be.
Minho already opened his mouth, wanting to say something, compliment and thank Jisung for turning this room into something as incredible as this but the younger one interrupted him. “It’s alright, I know what you want to say.” Minho just nodded, glad that his best friend was able to understand him so well. Then, Jisung pointed at the laptop that was sitting on the small table in front of Minho, a familiar movie had been put in there and Minho was able to recognize it within seconds.
“I thought that maybe, watching Spirited Away under the stars would be a nice thing to do, it’s quite different to the way we would usually celebrate this day but I think it’s still acceptable.” Minho nodded once again, signifying that he agreed with Jisung. They watched the whole movie in silence, sometimes Jisung would comment on one or two things but that was about it. The movie ended without anything interesting happening and Jisung slowly put his laptop back into his bag. When he turned around again, he was greeted by Minho holding something in front of his face. It was a sky blue envelope and after a little bit of thinking, Jisung took it into his hands and looked at the front of it.
“Open this when I can’t look at you anymore”
Jisung knew what this meant and it pained him that Minho had really prepared something like this for him because this made it just feel so much more real. It made Jisung feel like they didn’t have much time together anymore. With a nod, he made sure to put the letter somewhere safe.
An idea made its way into Jisungs mind and almost immediately after having it, he knew that it would probably be impossible and then even if it wasn’t impossible, it was too dangerous to try, Jisung wouldn’t risk that. Still, the way his eyes seemed to light up when he got the idea didn’t get unnoticed by the older one, who was now nudging his shoulder, trying to get him to talk about his thoughts. “It’s ridiculous really, I just thought how much I would love to dance with you under these fake stars but...we can’t”
Minho looked at him, grabbing his hand all of a sudden and before Jisung could even process what was happening, his best friend had already freed himself from the blanket he was under. Jisung realized what he was trying to do as soon as Minho’s bare feet touched the cold floor. “No no Minho we can’t, it’s not-” but the older one didn’t listen, using all his strength to get himself to stand. Jisung wanted to protest, wanted to get him to lay down again because really, Minho needed to rest.
“I will be fi..fine...as long..as you h..hold me-” Minho said, looking at his best friend while holding out his hand. Jisung knew this was a bad idea, he really shouldn’t encourage this, he should have never brought it up in the first place actually but there was a little part inside of him that was optimistic, telling him that it would be alright as long as he would just be with Minho. Somehow, that part won and so, Jisung took Minho’s hand, guiding him to the middle of the room and only leaving his side to quickly play some music from his phone. Jisung was holding Minho like he could fall any minute, his arms around the older one’s waist and Minho’s hands around his neck. They started to go with the melody, Jisung was trying his best to not accidentally step on Minho’s foot.
The music was the only sound in the room and when their eyes met, there was something changing in the way they looked at each other underneath all these fake stars, the candles still shining behind them. There was something in the way their eyes followed each other, just like the stars followed the moon every night. There was something in the way it was just them and they were having fun, for the first time in a long time, they were enjoying themselves again.
“Kiss me” Minho whispered, voice as clear as a crystal and his eyes too were sparkling like one. Minho asked Jisung to kiss him and who was he to reject such a beautiful offer?
Jisung cupped Minho’s face, pulling him close and looking at him one more time, searching for something, anything that screamed a change of mind but he found no such thing. Jisung’s lips crashed softly against Minho’s and for the first and probably last time, Jisung got to know what the universe tasted like because under all these stars around them, Minho was by far the most beautiful and most vivid star of them all.
“Good night Min, happy birthday for the last time today” Jisung wished him as they were back in bed, Jisung laying next to him just like the first day he had spent here all those months ago. They had come such a long way together, such a long and painful journey and Minho knew, it would be over soon. “Good night Ji...Jisungie”
When Minho was eight years old, he thought the worst thing that could happen to him was his friends hanging up on him and the rain not seeming to stop anytime soon. Now with 22, he knows the worst part of his life better, he knows it because he is experiencing it right this moment. With 22, Minho realized that the worst thing that could happen to him was having his best friend and the love of his life cry next to him while holding onto his hand and Minho knew he couldn’t comfort him, couldn’t even tell it would be alright because...it would not be.
At 22 years old, Minho knew a little more about the world, enough to say what is good and what isn’t, enough to determine if he loves or hates someone, enough to know that when he was eight years old, he was a complete idiot. Still, he didn’t know everything, he was far from it. He had so much yet to see except, he would never get the chance to.
But still, Minho got to experience one of the greatest things of them all. At the beautiful age of 22, Minho held his first true love in his arms as he fell into a deep slumber, the memories of his story slowly leaving his mind, the taste of Jisung’s favorite chapstick vanishing from his lips and the stars fell from his universe.
All these years ago, Minho saved Jisung’s life just by the touch of a hand. Now, Jisung was holding on to someone long gone, to a soul that has long been washed away with the wind. Jisung was crying when he woke up the next morning, trying to shake his friend awake but no matter how hard he tried, how much he screamed and begged, Minho’s body stayed lifeless.
Minho saved Jisung but at the end of it all, Jisung wasn’t able to save Minho.