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Tora's life had always been chock-full of uncomfortable and unfortunate situations, but this…this moment right here—it ranked top tier.
It had already been several months since Poppylan Wilkes became Quincy’s editor…and close friend. The two had latched onto each other like two peas in a pod—and it nearly drove Tora insane. His blood pressure was no doubt through the roof at this point because of these two. He’d tried his absolute damnedest to try and separate Poppy from the Balthuman business, even going as far as to rip himself out of her life…but to no avail, she’d reappeared right back in his life. Now he was not only Quincy’s official bodyguard…but Poppy’s as well.
Every fleeting glance in his direction, every lingering smile, every single fucking tiny giggle of hers—it had made it all that much harder for him to put a wall between the two. He’d needed to keep their relationship strictly business, for her sake as well as his. He’d always known that he really never had a chance with her: his life was much too dangerous for her, even though she was already teetering on the edge of Balthuman affairs being so close to Quincy.
Tora had done his best, he really had, in making sure that incredibly thin line between them would never be crossed, but as he stared at the young woman before him in the dim light of her warm apartment, he realized that said line had already been crossed…
Had it been when he saved her from falling out of that stupid fucking tree? Or had it been when they’d shared dinner at Alice’s? Maybe it was one of the few kisses—
“Tora?” he suddenly heard his name being called out in Poppy’s sweet, delicate voice. It caused his gaze to focus back on the small woman standing only a few feet away. He watched her nervously wring her hands together as she spoke, “What’s wrong? I feel like there’s something that’s been bugging you for a while now. You know you can tell me anything, right?”
There was a softness in her tone that was not unfamiliar to Tora. He remained silent for a long moment, simply staring at her as various emotions battled inside of himself. He felt so incredibly, so disgusting vulnerable right now. He felt as though he was being eaten alive by his inner turmoil and it caused his stomach to twist and churn like a god damn roller coaster.
He needed to come to terms with this turmoil—with all of these emotions that constantly kept him wide awake each night. Would he finally free himself of this pain? He couldn’t even begin to imagine the look of disgust on Poppy’s face as he told her how he truly felt about her—the same look he’d been given each time he even expressed a sliver of uncertainty when he was younger.
But Poppy was different, wasn’t she? The gentle concern that she held firm in her big, chocolate brown eyes as she watched each and every breath Tora was taking…
“Ya make me feel…somethin’,” the apprehensive man grumbled under his breath almost angrily, “…and I don’t—I don’t want it to stop.”
In all honestly, Tora was terrified of how Poppy made him feel; he felt vulnerable—he felt weak.
He felt loved.
She made him feel a way that he never even knew was possible. He absolutely craved the way that she made him feel, but he had pushed himself away from her so many times—frightened of what could come from those feelings.
He was terrified of how she would react. He wouldn’t have been able to bear the sight of disgust and rejection on Poppy’s beautiful features, not after everything the two had been through together.
Tora would never forgive himself if he ever unintentionally crushed that delicate, brilliant smile—he couldn’t bear to watch the light disappear from her eyes when she finally saw the monster that he truly was. She knew where he came from, what his line of work was, but she only knew the very surface of it all—if that. She was an incredibly intelligent woman, but in order to grasp even a sliver of what he had to deal with each and every single day…he wasn’t sure if he wanted her to understand it.
The large, intimidating man watched her cautiously as she stared up at him with wide eyes. Tora could not determine any of the emotions surging through those endless, deep brown doe eyes. Her reaction scared him—the unknown thoughts that she seemed to be unable to voice. Her soft pink, pouty lips were parted just slightly, as if there were words lingering on her tongue, but she just could not muster the strength to articulate them.
But of all the possible emotions swirling through those beautiful eyes, Tora could not pick up any sign of disgust—or any sign of disappointment. There was something else, though. Something that Tora just couldn’t begin to understand…
Poppy stared at the man in front of with sheer determination, trying to figure out what exactly he was seeing when he looked in the mirror at himself—what he saw that terrified him so greatly, but all she saw was a broken man. She realized that after so many years of tragedy and pain, he could not see himself as anything other than a monster. Poppy could admit—had admitted—to herself that she truly had no idea what those painful memories entailed, as Tora never let her see past a certain point into his life, but she knew one thing for certain…
Tora was not the monster he thought he was—he was the furthest thing from it, actually.
From what Quincy had told her, though they were brief, fleeting remarks in passing conversation, Tora had been a weapon—he had never been viewed as anything more than that by the members of the Balthuman Clan.
And then Poppy had come to a single conclusion: weapons weren’t supposed to have feelings.
She knew he wanted to protect her—not just from the dangerous world around them, but from himself. He had told himself—burned into his own mind—that he was too dangerous to be around her. He was a pernicious, damned creature straight out of hell itself: something sinister and impure. He couldn’t stomach the possibility of corrupting her wholesome, innocent mind and body with his own sickening depravities.
“I want to do awful things when I’m around ya,” Tora spoke up again, this time his voice wavered with uncertainty and fear, “I can’t…stop those thoughts and it—it scares the hell out of me,” he continued in a low grumble. His gaze tore itself from the striking beauty of her face and instead, he focused on the worn, hardwood floor beneath their feet. His unfathomable, amber stare tentatively traced the mindless scuffs and crevices in the dark, old wood.
He could feel the bare skin of his arms prickling with goosebumps as she took a step closer towards him, almost closing the distance between their two opposing bodies. He was waiting for her to say something…anything—he just wanted to know what was going through her mind. He wanted so desperately for her to call him a monster so that he could tear himself out of her life without a second thought.
“I don’t wanna be afraid of this feelin’ anymore, Poppy…” he nearly whispered as he met her steady, unwavering gaze once again. Those big brown eyes were so undeniably endless, and Tora could feel himself growing lost in them—he felt entirely grounded and almost fearless every time he peered down at them, “Please, Poppy…” he pleaded helplessly, and his forlorn gaze suddenly flickered to her tiny hand as it reached up to stroke his cheek.
The comfortable warmth that radiated from her small, slightly trembling palm nearly melted Tora on the spot, but he clenched his jaw firmly and waited for her to say something. Her actions were telling him one thing, but he needed her to tell him what she truly, desperately wanted.
“Tora…please—you don’t need to be afraid,” she whispered sympathetically to the large man and the soft pad of her thumb traced one of his high cheekbones. Tora hesitantly attempted to swallow the thick, burdensome lump that had been growing inside his throat and the sound of him clearing his throat caused Poppy to continue voicing her thoughts, “Never once have I felt like you did not put my safety first. Ever since we first met, you have shown me time and time again how selfless you can be—how you would do anything to make sure that I stay safe. There are things…you just cannot control in this world, but…you try. You try because you want to protect those you love. I see it with me, and I even see it with Quincy, too. When I’m with you, Tora, I feel safe—so much safer than I have ever felt in my entire life.”
Her voice was growing hoarse, and he could see the tears beginning to prickle in the corner of her infinite, now slightly bloodshot eyes. He stared at her firmly as she brought her free hand up to cup his other cheek. His hands twitched by his sides as his brain screamed at him to reach out and hold her, just as she was holding him. He wanted to wrap his huge, powerful arms around her and protect her from all the awful things in the world—including himself.
“Ya shouldn’t…ya shouldn’t feel safe with me,” he grumbled back to her as he clenched his quivering hands into fists and inhaled sharply through his nose, “Yer so…perfect and wonderful—I don’t want to hurt ya…or ruin yer happiness.”
“Don’t—don’t say that! You’re wrong, Tora! You’ve already protected me from so much…you’ve shown me so much kindness and love…no one has ever been so genuinely interested in who I am or what I have to say as you—I refuse to let you believe these lies that you’re telling yourself!” Poppy exclaimed with a tinge of frustration and she dropped her hands from Tora’s face to fist her tiny fingers into the worn, cotton fabric of his t-shirt. She tugged at the fabric covering his broad chest with a look of sheer determination on her beautiful, heavenly features.
“I…” Tora began to speak, but Poppy gave his sweatshirt another firm tug and he paused his words, “Ya trust me…do ya truly feel safe around me…?” His thoughts were frantic, swimming in endless, unclear circles as he tried to process what he wanted to say back to her…but he could not come up with any excuse as to why she wasn’t completely and utterly right. He was fascinated by her; he wanted to know everything about her, and he could listen to her talk for hours, simply soaking in her soft, angelic voice as she went on and on about any subject that she was passionate about.
“I would never lie to you, Tora. I feel the safest when we are together; I know that nothing can harm me when I am with you…you’ve proven that to me time and time again! I…I love you, Tora! You are the best thing that’s happened to me in a very long time, and I can’t—I can’t lose you!” she began to weep as she spoke, her bottom lip trembling with emotion as hot tears poured down the gentle curve of her round cheeks.
It was as if seeing those tears on her porcelain skin finally allowed something to click into place inside of Tora’s dark, haunted thoughts. His fists unfurled themselves and he placed one large, clammy palm on the small of soft back while the other came up and cupped the back of her head. His fingers twisted through her chestnut brown waves as he leaned down and captured her warm, unsteady lips with his own firm ones.
She melted against him just as he had when she’d reached up and tenderly stroked his face. Her delicate, feminine body pressed itself against his own much larger, much stronger one and his thick, anxious fingers curled into the fragile fabric of the cute little button-up blouse she was wearing. He felt completely and utterly captivated by her, entranced by the way her yielding lips pressed against his own in a tender, feverish kiss.
Poppy’s hands trailed from where they were trapped between their two bodies up to where she could entwine her slight arms around his massive shoulders. Tora tightened his grip on the back of her head, crashing their lips together almost desperately, as if this was the last time that he was ever going to see her.
A hungry, almost predatorial grunt arose from the back of Tora’s throat as their frantic lips parted and their feverish, heated caress turned into an urgent battle. Poppy felt his warm tongue draw a line over her plump bottom lip and she beckoned him past her damp, swollen lips with her own tongue.
Suddenly, Tora tore his mouth away from Poppy’s and paused their passionate, frenzied pursuit to stare down at her with wide amber eyes full of desire and…uncertainty. Poppy peered up at him, her own gaze heavy-lidded and full of desire as well. She, on the other hand, was certain of what she wanted—and how she was going to go about getting it.
“You are everything I’ve ever wanted, Tora…please believe me when I say that I love you,” she murmured softly, watching the emotions swirl inside those torn, golden depths. She knew he was trying to convince himself that this was okay—that she was telling the truth, “Tora…”
“Love ya, too, Bobby…love ya so god damn much,” he suddenly rumbled back at her and her eyes nearly lit up as relief and excitement washed over her. Tora took a deep breath, steadying his racing heartbeat, and briefly pressed their warm, kiss-swollen lips together in a soft, fleeting kiss, “Yer my…entire world. I would do anythin’ to make sure that yer safe…”
He watched as her rosy lips pulled into a gentle smile and she tightened her arms around his neck to pull him into a tight embrace. His hand fell from the back of her head to wrap around her lower back, holding her tiny body against his.
He never wanted to let her go—and he was okay with that knowing that she would never let go of him.