Archive of Our Own

“Two more signatures and we’re done,” says the lawyer, lightly dabbing a drop of hand sanitizer on his finger- trying to turn the crisp, tabbed pages of the divorce agreement. 

Hoseok is numb.  To the shuffling of crisp sheets of paper moving across the table.

Hoseok is numb.  To the heavy, blue-ink ball-point pen nestled between his fingers. 

Hoseok is numb.  To the bright view of the afternoon sun beaming upon the cityscape beyond the windows. 

“Ok, Mr. Jung…please sign here and then at the very bottom- here,” says his lawyer.  Kim Taehyung is a good friend, lawyer by profession.  Having him handle Hoseok’s divorce meant more than Hoseok could put into words.  The sharp sunlight bouncing into the room coupled with the recessed office lighting was giving Hoseok a headache behind his eyes.  Or maybe that’s the emotional exhaustion of the last month just catching up.

He signs his name- autopilot driving his hand.  As soon as he’s flicked the last character on the dotted line, Tae removes the pen from his hand and the divorce agreement. 

“Mr. Han, please ensure the agreement is to your client’s satisfaction.  All marked pages- signed,” says Tae, talking to the other lawyer across the table, the typical blue facemask resting beneath the older man’s glasses.  He takes a look at all the tabbed pages as both lawyers fade into the background.  Hoseok focuses on the last person rounding out their 4-person meeting: his husband of the last 9 years, Cho Andrew. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” says his newly-branded ex-husband.  His sleek, black undercut only makes his Russian-blue eyes that much more severe.  “We both want this.”

His words are so foreign to Hoseok.

His tone is alien.

That look in his eyes- it was once reserved for rude strangers and clumsy waiters. But never at Hoseok. Not until today. 

“You’re getting a large settlement, Seok.  I’m being generous—”

“You’re being cautious, Andrew.  It was my investment that helped you along when the company was trying to exit its start-up infancy.  You’re paying what is owed.  If anyone is being generous, it’s me.”  Hoseok feels like he’s acting out the entire scene-unfolding.  Like someone has handed him a script and somehow, miraculously, he’s memorized it.  Saying word-for-word what a divorced man would say. 

45 days ago, they had a picnic in the park.  Hoseok swallows the memory, depositing it in the farthest corner of his chest.  Hoping it won’t haunt him again. 

“You should have kept the penthouse,” Andrew says with a raised eyebrow.

“And sleep on the sheets stained with your boyfriend’s cum?  I’ll pass.”

Hoseok’s words catch Tae’s attention- urging the lawyer to quickly wrap up the proceedings and try to get his friend out of the building.  Before Hoseok turns from sunshine to lava. 

“Thank you, Mr. Kim.  Thank you, Mr. Jung,” says Andrew’s lawyer.  Hoseok doesn’t have a rude bone in his body but he can’t really find his manners at the moment.  He tries to nod as he pushes out his chair and gets up to leave, snatching his suede messenger bag from the table. 

“Hoseok, wait up” says Tae, trying to catch up.   Hoseok, who has already called for an elevator, looks back with a tight smile.

“Sorry, Tae.  I…don’t want to spend another moment in this building.”

Tae nods, understanding.  They get into the empty elevator, selecting “1” for the ground floor when the elevator doors are stopped.  Tae and Hoseok look up to see Andrew blocking the doors from closing.

“Hoseok…the ring.”  Andrew appears unemotional and uncaring.  “I do want the ring.  It was in the divorce agreement.”

He says it so calmly that Hoseok doesn’t know if he wants to claw Andrew’s face or just cry in a corner.  Numbly, like every action he’s taken in the last hour, Hoseok removes the ring from his finger and reaches out to drop it in Andrew’s palm.  Once it’s left his hand, Andrew leaves the elevator altogether.  No added exchange.  No good bye.  No turn around to acknowledge Hoseok.  Just a cold, swift walk out.  Hoseok isn’t surprised.  Their marriage turned sour that quick, too…once he caught his husband in bed with another man. 

“Hoseok-hyung” says a soft voice, shaking Hoseok from his reverie.  Tae holds the elevator open for Hoseok as other people wait outside on the ground floor- waiting for him to exit so that they may enter. 

“Sorry,” says Hoseok, being led away by Tae.  Instead of just being led outside of his ex-husband’s HQ building, Tae leads him to one of their favorite cafes a few train stops away.  Ordering their usual: two rose lattes and two honeyed croissants. 

Loosening his tie and unbuttoning his blazer, Tae reaches out to pat his friend on the forearm.  “Hey…you still with me hyung?”

Hoseok looks up at Tae, thankful that he at least has good taste in friendships.  “Yeah” responds Hoseok.  “Yeah…I’m good.  Just…exhausted.  Mentally, emotionally…everything.”  Hoseok heaves a great big sigh.

“Of course, you are!  You just signed one of the QUICKEST divorce agreements I have ever handled.  They were acquiescing to all our demands.  I was tempted to ask for the ownership of Antarctica just to see if they would agree,” jokes Tae, provoking a small smile from Hoseok. 

“I’m homeless,” says Hoseok.

“Wrong.  You’re economically comfortable,” says Tae, smiling at the waitress that brings over their order.  Once she leaves, Hoseok responds.

“I’m economically comfortable…and divorced.  And homeless,” he says, gently blowing at the steam rising from his latte.

“You’re economically comfortable AND you can buy a new place.  A nice one downtown…or maybe something in Bali,” Tae responds, delicately cutting up the honeyed croissants so they can pick away with their forks.  “And you’re not homeless.  Yoongi and Jin have already aired out your room at their place.  They’re expecting you, tonight.”

Hoseok closes his eyes, breathing in the rose latte scent.  Trying to calm his nerves.  “I have to go back to…the penthouse.  I have several boxes and a duffel bag.”

“Wrong.  You have nothing at the penthouse,” says Tae.  “Jin grabbed the rest of your stuff this morning.  He wanted to save you the time and patience of having to experience that ordeal.” 

Hoseok nods, finally taking sips of latte.  The air conditioning is keeping the heat from outside at bay.  But Hoseok can still feel a burning sense of…hurt…anger…shame.  Embarrassed with how he lived in a fantasy that apparently blinded him.  Kept him from seeing the signs, the distance. 

The empty spaces. 

A failing marriage.

“Stop thinking…it’s loud,” smiles Tae.  “Just unwind and…focus on one thing at a time.  One step at a time.  The threads of your life will slowly weave themselves—”

“I know you mean well, Taehyung-ah, but…please don’t.  Don’t…give me your post-divorce speech.  I don’t need the motivation spiel to go ‘live my life’ or ‘take it one day at a time’.  I just need…peace.  Just some peace.”  Hoseok smiles at Tae, hoping he doesn’t take offense.  Tae smiles back, understanding.  “Peace and ear plugs.  Cause…if I know Jin and Yoongi—”

Tae immediately starts chuckling.  Glad that he’s able to draw even a small bit of humor from his friend.  On a day where he’s sure that for Jung Hoseok- everything hurts. 

{Six weeks later}

“What are you doing” asks Jin, watching Hoseok twirl his noodle strands for the millionth time that afternoon.  “You need to eat, little Seok.” 

Hoseok smiles, adjusting his seated position in light gray joggers and a blue sweatshirt.  “I know…I just…I thought it would be easier by now.  I thought…after a month, I would be able to shake it off.  You know?  I started my housing search last week and that was a good first step but…I feel…like my chest is full of sand.”

Hoseok looks out the window, admiring the brightness outside before closing his eyes. 

“Little Seok,” says Jin, softly.  “You were married to him for 9 years in addition to the 3 years of dating.  He was your second skin for more than a decade of your life.  A third of your life!  Of course, it’s not that easy.”

Hoseok can feel the burning behind his eyelids again.  “I…I’m gonna take a walk, hyung.  I need some air.”  Hoseok cleans up his un-eaten meal and heads out for an afternoon stroll.  All without looking back at Jin’s sympathetic gaze. 

When you’ve had yourself tethered to someone else for so long- dinner for two, hotel bookings for two, laundry loads for two- everything feels so singular when you break apart. Hoseok walks around a familiar street corner, seeing the park up ahead. Laughter echoing thru the trees. Kids with scarves playing on swing sets as parents either converse with one another or catch up with the virtual world on their phones. Summer is waning. Even with bright sunbeams shining down, the early moisture of autumn hangs in the air. And everything seems so loud.

Hoseok walks along the perimeter of the green park, one foot in front of the other. He closes his eyes briefly, trying to tell himself the same thing. One day in front of the other, stringing together the pieces of his new life.

BAMMM!!

“Oh god! I’m sorry” says a stranger. The woman is older, her hair being more salt than pepper.

“You’re fine” says Hoseok, smiling as he tries to set himself to rights. “I’m the one walking with my eyes closed.”

The lady smiles and nods. “Take care” she says, walking around Hoseok to then cross the street.

Hoseok had visited this park at least once a week since moving in with Yoongi and Jin. But he’s always been interested in the park, ignoring the businesses that surround it. His gaze follows the woman to an art museum that appears to take up at least a third of the block. A rust-colored building with faded turquoise arches and bronze fittings. A standing sign outside reads “The Veils of Busan: exhibition is June 29 thru September 15”.

“It’s the last week of the exhibit” mumbles Hoseok. His memory flashes to a conversation from years earlier.

“No offense but it’s all garbage. It holds no weight; it contributes to nothing. I mean, Picasso or Renoir: did they actually make something that could benefit society? To ease the hardships of humanity? No... they painted crap that did nothing for the poor or the planet.  Waste of time.”

That’s what Andrew had said when Hoseok expressed his interest in attending classes at the local art institute.  Back then, Hoseok smiled at the reply and forgot about the classes.  Moving on. 

And that’s what Hoseok wanted to do now.  Move on.

He crossed the street, slowly walking up the museum steps leading to the main entrance.  A greeter, a teenage kid wearing a brown long-sleeved uniform, held the door open and Hoseok walked thru with a nod.  Moving thru a foyer with benches, a line of coat hooks and maroon carpeting, Hoseok continued slowly.  Finally, he broke past a group of guests huddled near the main entrance and was immediately struck by the room.  Walls painted a light grey color were filled with black and white photographs of a man dancing with a veil on a darkened stage.  Various angles capturing different atmospheres of the dancer’s movements.  Catching the different ways the veil fell into frame.  The blonde dancer was lost in motion, never looking at the camera.  Different sizes of photos of the dancer graced the four walls.  At the end of the room, opposite from one another, are two door ways.  One with a black arch and the other- white.  Hoseok decides to head thru the white door way.

Carefully making his way around the various ongoing conversations, Hoseok enters the next room.  This room is painted a dark, turbulent blue.  Bright lights from the ceiling offer a better glimpse of the photos on the wall- all showcasing the same dancer from the previous room.  The photo background is an abandoned warehouse of some kind, with a sheer black veil in contrast to the dancer’s white navy-inspired uniform.  The dancer is graceful and light, covered in medals and tassels and strict, clothed edges.  Hoseok stares in awe at the different sizes and angles that the photographer uses to capture emotion and depth. 

After admiring all the blue-room pieces, Hoseok spies another door way leading further into the museum.  He stops, taking in a deep breath.  This room, walls painted a rich, royal purple, is covered in paintings of different sizes.  No photos, no modern tech.  All art, hand-painted.  The subject was the same the dancer and a scarf.  Here, the artist painted the dancer on a cliff overlooking the sea.  The dancer is dressed in black amid the bright blue sky, veil blowing in the wind. 

“Excuse me, sir.  Do you have a ticket?” 

Hoseok is interrupted by a woman wearing brown long-sleeve uniform, similar to the kid at the foyer.  “Oh…uh…” says Hoseok, not aware that a ticket was required. 

“If you don’t have a ticket, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.  Or, please purchase a ticket online and attend one of the shows later this week.”  Unaware of Hoseok’s embarrassment at being called out in such a public setting, the woman continues: “We have a full booking today so you will have to—”

“I’ve got this, Su-An.  Please, secure the blue room,” says a low, penetrating voice from behind Hoseok.

The woman stops, immediately.  Bowing to the owner of the deep voice and then to Hoseok, she removes herself.

“You’ll have to excuse her enthusiasm.  She’s not used to patrolling.” 

Hoseok turns around, coming face to face with a living piece of art.  The man, if indeed that and not a sculpture come-to-life, is incredibly handsome.  His face is soft curves and half-moon eyes- colored a dark brown, almost black.  His hair is liquid silver, combed back with a polish.  His black suit is crisp, molded to his body like a superhero costume- outlining a fit build and broad chest.  He’s like chocolate and black licorice and ice-cold soju- not all at once but definitely with all the right measurements. 

It makes Hoseok self-conscious for the first time since leaving the house.  Everyone in the room is dressed as one would expect for a gathering at an art museum: dressy casual.  And Hoseok looks like their uber drive that just came from the gym. 

“I…I’m sorry,” says Hoseok, bowing twice.  “I was not aware it was a…ticketed engagement.”  Hoseok bows again before swiftly turning away.  He feels a thousand eyes boring into him as he speed walks out of the room, going back the way he came- as quickly as his sneakers will carry him. 

He’s just re-entered the grey room when he feels a grip on his elbow, gently holding him in place.  He turns to see the handsome man from before, Mr. Chocolate Licorice Soju. 

“It’s fine if you—”

“I’m sorry,” rushes Hoseok.  “I can pay for a ticket, I promise.  I just…I haven’t really left the house with my wallet in a while so I didn’t think I would need it.”  Hoseok is afraid of another public set-down when he’s suddenly caught off-guard by the way the man massages his elbow. 

“It’s fine…really.  Please don’t be alarmed,” the stranger smiles.  “I just…I didn’t want you to leave without finishing the exhibit.”  The man’s smile widens and Hoseok is almost sure he would drop to his knees if he wasn’t being held up by his elbow. 

“You’re already here.  It would be a shame if you didn’t complete the artist’s entire exhibit, yes?  There are only two other rooms left,” says the man.  He takes a step back and holds out his arm, inclining it towards the door way with the black arch. 

Hoseok gulps.  Trying to be less aware of the other faces in the room.  “I’m uh,” Hoseok starts, lowering his voice a bit.  “I’m a little underdressed.” 

The man’s smile twitches, his dimples dancing.  “You had such a look of awe on your face when you entered the purple room, I didn’t notice.”  The stranger raises his eyebrow at Hoseok and nods to the door way. 

Hoseok can’t help it: he is very curious to see the rest of the exhibit.  And…maybe stay in the stranger’s orbit for a little longer.  Nodding softly, Hoseok walks towards the black door way into a soft yellow room.  Soft like melting daffodils. 

Hoseok’s eyes immediately are filled with the colorful photos on the wall.  The same blonde dancer captured with a veil outside of a café.  His burgundy pants and vest are vivid in color as the shimmery-gold veil trails his every movement.  The photographer chose a sunny day as the backdrop, the sunlight landing on every smooth surface of the dancer’s exposed skin.  The athleticism and body lines and flexing. 

“Entranced.”

Hoseok smiles at the voice of the stranger next to him.  He looks up to see the stranger gazing down at him, nodding at the man’s comment.

“Yes…it’s…all the pieces are very…different.  The energy from the light and the shadows are…”

“…captivating” says the stranger, finishing Hoseok’s sentence. 

Hoseok slowly walks around the room, admiring the other angles.  “It’s like he’s got a formula- the photographer.  He knows how much shadow and how much light is needed to illicit the…reaction that he wants.” 

The stranger smiles at Hoseok, taking a look around the room and nodding.  “He does.  His experience gives him that base.” 

Silently, Hoseok and the stranger move towards the last room: walls covered in black with gold fleur-de-lis accents.  This room, like the purple room, is all canvas.  The dancer, again, with a black and white shirt and black pants, dancing against a white back drop.  The paintings are beautiful.  Precise.  The artist has used white canvas of different sizes, opting to add no color to the background to further enhance the lines of the dancer.  Limbs stretched to maneuver into different positions, a red veil surrounding the dancer like a personal cloud.  The paintings are so vivid- as if the dancer is going to dance right off the canvas.  Like that 80s music video where the guy in the girl’s sketchbook comes to life. 

“These are the artist’s newer pieces.  Newer as in completed last year,” says the stranger with a smile. 

“It’s breath-taking,” says Hoseok, looking over at the stranger who’s staring back at him.

“Breath-taking” the man repeats, his voice rattling Hoseok’s bones and chest and…lower…regions.

“Director,” says an employee in a long-sleeved brown uniform, bowing.

“Yes,” says the man, the Director.

“The auction is set to begin in a few minutes.  Would you…like to address the crowd?”

“Ah…yes.  We’ll gather in the largest of the rooms- the purple room.  Please ready the mic,” the Director responds.  Once the employee has left, he turns to Hoseok. 

“Feel free to stay, enjoy the museum beyond this exhibit.”

“Oh…no…I should go.  I…I like that you allowed me this much time in the exhibit” says Hoseok, kicking himself over the fact that his voice sounds awkward and rough to his own ears. 

“It’s no trouble, really,” says the Director.  “Please, let me walk you to the front entrance, at least.”

Hoseok nods, listening to the Director’s hypnotizing voice as they make their way.  Following along with conversation about auctions that have happened twice monthly since the exhibit started.  Selling pieces of the exhibit, hand-picked by the artist, to benefit various charities in the Busan area. 

Back in the foyer with benches and coat hooks, Hoseok turns to bow to the handsome Director once more.

“Thank you so much.  Again.  I am so grateful and…I promise…I can come back and pay for a ticket next time.  I’ll buy three just to compensate,” says Hoseok with a small smile. 

“Don’t bother,” says the Director.  “If you come back at all, that would be more than enough.”  The Director smiles, Hoseok smiles- just…a lot of smiling. 

“Oh, I’m Kim Namjoon.  Director of this art museum and the Seoul Museum of Architecture History.”  The man extends his hand and Hoseok takes it immediately.  Almost too enthusiastically.

“I’m Jung Hoseok.  I…live nearby.”  Hoseok feels really stupid in admitting that but he didn’t really have a job title to attach to his name.  So, he just smiles and shake his head at his own embarrassment.

“I’m glad you came, Jung Hoseok.  If you’re ever walking by, I hope you decide to stop in.  Again.”  And with that, more bowing happens before they part. 

Hoseok takes a few steps downward before stopping in the sunshine, clenching his heart.  It had been a while since he had felt that.  Someone making his heart race.  With just a smile, a touch, a compliment.

Inhale, exhale. 

Inhale, exhale. 

Hoseok rapidly blinks before heading back to the flat, shaking his head at all the embarrassing parts of that art museum experience.  Fisting his hands in his pockets, still embarrassed at being very under-dressed.  And trying to still the clattering in his heart over mister chocolate licorice soju. 

{Two Weeks Later}

“Come with me to the store,” says Jin, putting on his coat.  “Yoongi needs cheese.” 

“I thought we bought cheese yesterday when we restocked the kitchen,” says Hoseok, getting up anyway to grab his coat from his room. 

“It’s the wrong type of cheese,” Jin replies, as they walk a few blocks down.  Fall has descended, turning all the greens of nature into some kind of gold-yellow-red mosaic.  “We bought sharp cheddar.  He needs queso…fresco.  Fresca?  Q-queso…shit, it’s a different cheese.”

Hoseok laughs at his friend’s confusion.  The little grocery mart is several blocks down the street, past the green park that Hoseok hasn’t visited in a while.  Straining to keep up with Jin’s long stride, Hoseok nervously glances up at the art museum.  Internally smiling at the memory of a tall art museum director with striking silver hair.

Hoseok wasn’t intentionally avoiding the art museum.  At first, he just couldn’t get over his embarrassment of their meeting.  That later turned into Hoseok just being un-motivated to the leave the flat.  He couldn’t help but smile at the memory of color and a deep-timbred voice. 

After grabbing the right kind of cheese, and all their impulse buy-snacks, Hoseok and Jin head back home- each equipped with an almost-filled reusable grocery tote.  They’re passing the green park again when Hoseok happens to look up at the museum.  And there he is: silver-haired chocolate licorice soju man. 

Hoseok stumbles a bit, right into Jin. 

“Hey, Swan Princess- watch where you’re going,” says Jin jokingly.  Hoseok huffs in response and stops dead in his tracks when he hears a warm voice call his name.

“Jung Hoseok.”

Knowing, already, who that voice belongs to, Hoseok slowly turns towards it.  He smiles at an approaching Kim Namjoon, dressed in a gun metal grey vest and pant with a lavender dress shirt.  His silver strands falling off to the side giving the Director a care-free allure. 

“Director Kim” says Hoseok, bowing with his grocery bag. 

“Oh, please.  No formalities,” says the Director.  “I was hoping to see you again…at the art museum.  You said you stayed in the area so I just…assumed it would be sooner rather than later.  But, of course, you may have been busy.”  The director looks beyond Hoseok to Jin and then back at Hoseok. 

“OH, apologies.  This is my roommate and cousin: Kim Seokjin.  Jin-hyung, this is Kim Namjoon, Director of the Modern Art Museum.”

Bowing to one another and shaking hands, Namjoon asks: “grocery shopping?” 

“Oh…yeah.  We forgot a key ingredient.  My husband refuses to feed us until we meet his demands.”  Jin laughs and Namjoon smiles- turning slightly to bite his lip at Hoseok and nod. 

Hoseok wonders if Jin can carry both grocery bags home, should he melt on the spot.

“Well…I don’t want to hold you up longer than I already have.  Otherwise, you’ll go hungry,” Namjoon smiles.  “Kim Seokjin-ssi, it was nice to meet you.  J…Hoseok, I hope to see you again.  Soon.” 

Namjoon bows to Jin and turns to bow towards Hoseok at a much slower pace.  Taking in the other man’s slight blush. 

Hoseok forgets how to talk, falling back to plan B: bowing, smiling and bowing again. 

The rest of the walk home is quiet, thankfully.  Hoseok is busy trying to stop his heart from racing at the lip bite.  What the fuck.  That man MUST KNOW how hot he is.  Seriously, Hoseok thinks.

“We’re home,” shouts Jin, carrying his bag towards the kitchen wherein a delicious aroma wafts outward. 

Jin and Hoseok put away the groceries.  Making Yoongi satisfied that they bought the right cheese this time.  Maneuvering around each other to open a cupboard here, open a drawer there. 

“So…” says Jin, rubbing his hands together.  “Spill.”

Yoongi turns around, “what?”

“Not you babe, your best friend,” Jin says, nodding towards Hoseok who freezes before closing a cupboard.  “Spill, you.”

“Spill what?”  Hoseok asks.

“Oh, don’t do that with me!  We just got stopped by the hottest thing since my husband’s lap dance on our anniversary three years ago.  SPILL.”

Hoseok shakes his head, “oh my god.  Why?  Why the fuck would you give me that disgusting image!”

“HEY!”  Jin and Yoongi shout. 

“I’m not letting you off the hook, Jung Hoseok.  A young, silver fox with a deep voice and chesticles stopped us on our way home to bite his lip at you.  And he’s a successful career-man who appreciates the Arts.  I want sufficient deets.”

“Did you just say deets,” Yoongi asks.

“Now,” demands Jin.

“Oh god…it’s nothing.  I…I went for a walk a couple weeks back.  I happened to wander into the art museum and we met.  And talked about art.  It was nothing,” says Hoseok, moving around Jin to take a seat at the dining table with an iced tea. 

“Nothing he says,” says Jin, leaning against a wall with his arms folded against his chest as he looks at Yoongi.  “Babe, this man looked like expensive silk, European chocolate and Arctic vodka all rolled into one.  AND, regardless of what your BFF says, he very much eye-fucked my cousin right in front of me.”

Hoseok puts his head on the dining table, trying not to sigh and laugh at the same time.  But a little giddy to hear someone else confirm his own observations, making him feel less insecure. 

“And you did what with this young fox?  Let him get away,” says Yoongi, not looking up from his pot as he continues to stir. 

“Not on my watch,” says Jin.  “How do you feel about an art exhibit, babe?”

“Hmm…very much in our future, I’d say,” replies Yoongi, still distracted by his creation. 

“Uggghhhhhhh…” responds Hoseok, his head still connected to the dining table. 

{One week later}

“Put this on” Jin says to Hoseok, throwing a black pair of slacks and a dark coral dress shirt on the couch. 

“For what?”

“You’re joining me and Yoongi.  It’s date night.” 

Hoseok pouts: “please, I don’t want pity participation points.  Please…let me stay on the couch and finish this murder mystery.”

Jin takes one look at the tv screen before replying: “I’ve seen this one.  The step-brother did it.  The one with good grades and an engineering degree.  That’s how he almost got away with murder.”

“Are you serious?  You just ruined it for me,” says Hoseok, sitting up on the couch disappointed.

“Good.  Showered, dressed.  20 minutes.  Let’s go Cinderella.”

Hoseok, Jin and Yoongi finish an early dinner together.  It’s days like these, when he was already so sure that the world had forgotten about him, that Hoseok feels like he’s a part of the land of the living, again.  Just being, existing, with some of his favorite people.  They’re in the car, Jin driving, when they slowly pull up and park in front of the art museum near the house. 

The art museum.

“No” says Hoseok out of dread.

“Get out of my husband’s car or I’ll drag you out,” says Jin, smiling sweetly at Hoseok in the rear-view mirror. 

“Please no,” says Hoseok.  It’s too late as Yoongi is already opening his door and holding out his hand.

“Let’s go appreciate some art, lil Seok.” 

Hoseok was the one who introduced Yoongi and Jin to one another, all those years ago.  Their matchmaker, so to speak.  He and Yoongi have always had a quiet, close connection (opposite to his loud, hilarious connection with his cousin).  So, Hoseok is not tricked by the boyish, gummy smile on Yoongi’s face.

“You’re evil.  You sleep with evil.  You spread evil,” says Hoseok, being yanked (somewhat gently) out of the car by Yoongi.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” says Jin, rounding the car to join them.  “Besides…do you really think I would spend all that time to convince you to wear a coral button up shirt that makes your build look REALLY slim…just to sit with an old couple?  Pffttt…”

Hoseok is being ushered into the museum with Yoongi by his side and Jin behind him.  As if they’re trying to block his escape. 

“Ooohhh, the “Movement: Living in Action” says Jin, reading from a simple ad poster near the ticket desk. 

Hoseok silently prays to God like he’s never prayed before.  Please, let him not be here.  Please, please, please God.  I promise I’ll get a job and lead a pious life if you please, please, please just let him be anywhere but here, thinks Hoseok.

Unlike his first visit, the museum walls are all painted white.  Every room is stripped bare- making the art pieces pop.  It’s a collection of photographs showing just that: movement. 

Photos of various sizes showing the human movement: stability and strength and flexibility.  A picture of a man undergoing physical therapy captures the pain and grit of the man’s desire to stand on his own two feet.  Hoseok stands there a while, feeling the piece resonate deeply within him.  That’s what he’s trying to do.  Stand on his own two feet. 

The man’s pain on his face, the sheen on his brow- it has Hoseok rapidly blinking to keep from getting teary-eyed.  He’s immersed in the man’s pain, the reflection of his own- not realizing that Jin and Yoongi have ventured off.  Invested in the exhibit, Hoseok enters the next white room, admiring various pictures of sports.  A bodybuilder at an Ironman competition with bulging muscles carries one end of a log by himself.  The sun burning into his skin as the bodybuilder shows off unimaginable strength. 

“It’s a determined strength.  The…load bearing capacity of our tissues being…challenged.  Externally.” 

Hoseok jumps at the sound of the voice, almost twirling at the same time.  Ready to land either on his ankle or his knee.  Instead, it’s right in Kim Namjoon’s arms.

“Fuck…you scared me” says Hoseok, holding onto the Director’s biceps to steady his own two feet.

“My apologies, Hoseok.  I didn’t mean to frighten you,” says the Director with a concerned look.  Not releasing Hoseok.

“Uh…it’s ok.  I’m…actually a pretty jumpy person by nature.  It’s why no one will sit with me during horror movies,” says Hoseok.  Rambling.  And aware of his own rambling.

Director Kim smiles, shades of blue: dark blue slacks and a sea blue sweater. 

“You look...good,” says the Director, still holding Hoseok as he assesses the man’s clothes.  “Just get off work?”

“Uh…well…no…not really,” Hoseok stutters.  Aware that this is one of those moments where not having a job DOES bother him.  Immensely. 

“Oh…special occasion?”  Namjoon has yet to release Hoseok and Hoseok is not complaining.  He can feel the man’s hands warp around his biceps and it’s hypnotizing.  Namjoon’s hands are big and that fact is not lost on Hoseok who is staring deep into the Director’s eyes as his own mouth dries up.  Losing focus. 

“Hoseok-ah,” says a voice, breaking their…whatever they were having in that moment. 

Jin and Yoongi approach as Hoseok and Namjoon step away.  Jin has the biggest smile on his face as Yoongi struggles to not smile.  And fails.

“Uhm…Director Kim, this is my cousin Kim Seokjin, whom you met a few weeks ago.  And this is his husband Yoongi.  Yoongi, this is Kim Namjoon, Director of the museum.”

They bow to one another, going over the usual introduction pleasantries. 

“We had dinner earlier tonight.  Dragged my poor cousin along on one of our date nights,” says Jin as the foursome slowly peruse the rest of the pieces in the room.  “It was Hoseok’s idea to stop by and show Yoongi the museum.”

Namjoon turns to his side to smile at Hoseok- melting the man’s innards before looking back up at Jin.  And Hoseok is almost dying for a chance to karate chop Jin’s neck. 

“Jin and I have lived near the museum for about…two and a half years.  We’ve been so busy that we haven’t really been able to explore our own neighborhood as we would have liked.  I’m glad Hoseok bumped into this place.  It’s nice to know we have this in our own back yard.  Right, ‘Seok-ah?”  Yoongi throws a small smile back at Hoseok- who is already planning the smaller man’s cremation ceremony.

“So, you’re all roommates?  You’ve lived nearby for the past two years,” Namjoon asks Hoseok. 

“Oh well…yes and no.  I am their roommate.  But that’s a recent change,” says Hoseok. 

“Oh, just moved to the area?  Or back to the city,” Namjoon asks. 

“Uh…just…had a change in roommate…situation,” Hoseok nods, looking at another picture to mask his stuttering. 

Namjoon respects the conversation que and engages them in a conversation about art for the rest of the evening.  They even go beyond the exhibition to see other rooms in the museum.  They laugh about art and interpretation and Yoongi’s recap of the trio’s dinner date.  An hour passes before Yoongi yawns, catching Jin’s attention. 

“Ah…my husband appears to be bored with me,” says Jin lightly, causing Yoongi to grab his hand and eye roll. 

“It is late,” adds Hoseok, hoping this will finally get them out the door.

As much as he loves Namjoon’s…allure, it’s also overwhelming.  His heart is doing things that it used to do for Andrew.  His mind is thinking things that it used to think for Andrew.  And that combination is causing Hoseok’s equilibrium to feel out of sync. 

“Allow me to escort you to the main entrance,” Namjoon offers, smiling at Hoseok the entire time. 

“Thank you,” replies Yoongi- aware that Hoseok’s speaking ability seems to be malfunctioning. 

As they approach the entrance, Namjoon speaks to Hoseok in a lower tone: “I’m glad you came back, Jung Hoseok.”

Hoseok smiles, bashfully.  Unable to meet Namjoon’s gaze again as he tries to find words. 

“I was scared it would be another few weeks before you stopped in,” Namjoon adds.

“Uhm…yeah…I…just…thought it would be nice to…finish off the night here,” Hoseok manages to say. 

“You know, Hoseok- I hope you don’t mind me saying this but…I don’t want to wait for another chance encounter.”  Namjoon stops and Hoseok stops, too.  Yoongi and Jin carry on with their exit, unaware. 

“Can you…do you…would you like to have dinner some time?”

“Dinner” asks Hoseok, surprised.

“Or lunch…if dinner is not…a good time,” Namjoon smiles.  “I…don’t want to offer coffee because…I don’t think that would give us enough time to just, get to know one another.  If I’m being honest.”  Namjoon chuckles softly and Hoseok can’t help but respond the same. 

“Yeah, I…I would love to get lunch or dinner with you.” 

They exchange phone numbers, Yoongi and Jin smiling as they look back at Hoseok and Namjoon swapping phones.  Hoseok and the Director say good night to one another (with a lot more smiling) as Yoongi and Jin wait in the car. 

Just as Hoseok is buckling his seat belt, Yoongi says, “twice.  That man bit his lip in Hoseok’s direction TWICE.  Like, just out in the open.  Predatory.”

Jin laughs as Hoseok hides his face in his hands.

“I told you babe!  That man is…I’m absolutely sure that if no guests were around and it was just them, there would be art pieces bumping off the walls.”

“JIN!”  Hoseok screams out of embarrassment, his bruised heart doing a little dance at Jin’s comment. 

{Two Weeks Later}

Hoseok and Namjoon are sitting down for their second dinner when Hoseok’s marriage is discussed. 

“You’ll have to excuse me,” smiles Hoseok.  “It’s been a while since I’ve…gone on a date.”

Hoseok turns reds at admitting that and Namjoon grins from ear to ear. 

“Really?  It’s been a while since you’ve been on a date?  How is that even possible?” 

“Well…I…uh…not to bring down the mood or anything but…I was in a long-term relationship.  I just…recently exited that situation a few months ago.”  Hoseok takes a drink of his water.

“Ah…long-term relationships are hard to exit.  As long as it’s not marriage, I guess.  Those are harder to end.  Divorce agreements and such,” says Namjoon, swirling his wine glass.

“Actually,” Hoseok clears his throat, not wanting to lie.  “It was a marriage.  A 9-year marriage, to be exact.”

Namjoon stops swirling his glass.  “Shit.  I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have—”

“No,” Hoseok smiles.  “You’re right- divorce agreements are hard to end.  Legalities and all.”  Hoseok takes a deep breath- he might as well tell the man everything.  “My 9-year marriage followed a 3-year relationship so…we were together for 12 years.  Very long term.  A third of my life, practically.”

Namjoon makes no expression, just nodding and listening. 

Hoseok tells Namjoon about how he met Andrew in college, the half Korean-half Russian student that was popular throughout campus.  About funding the man’s start-up thru the rough times, the success that followed and their elevated financial status over the company’s first 6 years.  He told Namjoon about wanting to pursue his dreams and how that never really panned out since he had to assist with the financial department set-up.  Then, Hoseok fast forwards to the signing of the divorce agreement. 

“Do…you mind if I ask…why you got divorced,” Namjoon says carefully, drumming his fingers on the base of his wine glass. 

Hoseok laughs, coldly.  Namjoon is about speak when Hoseok nods and answers: “I caught him having sex in our bed with a marketing manager.”  Hoseok raises both of his eyebrows before turning his attention to his lap to adjust his dinner napkin. 

“I had a headache and decided to cut the day short.  Went home and…found out that they were doing the same- cutting the day short.  With each other.”  Hoseok takes a deep sip from his water glass. 

“Apparently, it had been going on for years.  Years,” Hoseok says, looking Namjoon in the eye and smiling.  “We hashed it out over a 2-day period and I filed for divorce thereafter.”

No hesitation, Namjoon says “I hope you ripped him for more than half his current net worth.”

Hoseok laughs, a bit warmed by Namjoon’s defense.  “Half?  Yes, about.  My lawyer did say I am economically comfortable.  Which means that I really should be house hunting a little more intently.” 

Namjoon signals for the waiter to refill his wine glass and Hoseok’s water glass.

“Well, let’s toast.  To New Beginnings.  New Friends.  And…all the love that you deserve to have from here on out,” Namjoon says to Hoseok, raising his glass.  Hoseok raises his glass, too.  Straightening his back and smiling broadly.  Admiring the way Namjoon’s dimples peek out as the man bites his lip again. 

“And to more meals together and hopefully, art exhibit dates.  That I will pay for,” says Hoseok with a giggle. 

“I won’t allow that” Namjoon replies.  “But more dates?  Yes, definitely!”

Later that night, when Namjoon drops off Hoseok at the high-rise’s parking garage, Hoseok is pleasantly caught off guard by Namjoon’s lips brushing against his own.  

Namjoon pulls up to the elevator area to park.  Hoseok is turning to thank him for the date as Namjoon leans in to firmly “peck” Hoseok’s soft lips with his own.

“I’m not going to apologize for that...because...I can feel the mutual attraction,” Namjoon smiles at Hoseok’s blushing.  “But I also feel your hesitancy.  Which is understandable when you’ve been with someone for more than 10 years,” says Namjoon.  He gently takes Hoseok’s hand into his own.  “I also don’t want any misunderstandings between us.  I FULLY intend to court you- dates, slow progress, hand holding.  We can even flirt on Tinder if you want the full single-man dating experience.”

Hoseok laughs, covering his eyes with his free hand.  Not even believing his good luck in finding Kim Namjoon.  “Did you just say ‘court’?  Like, an actual courtship?”

“Of course,” says Namjoon with a sexy smile.  “I will find breeches and a riding crop and Hessian boots!  We’ll get you a hoop skirt.” 

That causes them both to laugh- Namjoon chuckling towards Hoseok.  And Hoseok laughing into Namjoon’s shoulder. 

Without further hesitation, knowing that he would chicken out, Hoseok chastely kisses Namjoon.  But doesn’t draw away immediately, choosing to linger so their exhaled breaths mix. 

“What makes you think I can’t pull off breeches and a riding crop,” Hoseok playfully asks. 

Namjoon’s dimples deepen, his eyes shining with mirth.  “Hmmm…yes.  Me in a hoop skirt, a corset with lipstick.  You won’t be able to resist me.”

“Oh my god, we have to stop.  My mind is going places,” says Hoseok, laughing as he slowly draws backwards, into his seat.

“We should definitely continue.  I want to be wherever your mind is right now,” Namjoon says, biting his lip.

Hoseok is absolutely floating on cloud nine.

{A Few Weeks Later}

“Oh my god” says Hoseok, running into the flat.  Scaring the crap out of Yoongi and Jin when the front door slams shut. 

“Hoseok, what the hell,” screams Jin.  He gives Hoseok a concerned stare when he enters the kitchen. 

“I’m sorry I slammed the door…I…I don’t think I can calm down yet,” says Hoseok. 

“Calm down from what” asks Yoongi, frying some tofu. 

“The high.  THE HIGH.  I…” Hoseok inches closer to the duo at the stove.  “A make-out session.” 

Hoseok squeals then runs out of the kitchen and into his bedroom, slamming that door too. 

“Hoseok” Jin shouts from the kitchen. 

“Hoseok, explain” shouts Yoongi, flipping the tofu. 

Running back into the kitchen, slightly out of breath, Hoseok is grinning.  “We were making lunch at his place, laughing at all his new appliances that he’s not equipped to use and…it…yeah.  In the kitchen…I…” Hoseok makes a gargling noise and almost throws himself against the fridge.

“Be honest: did he do that annoying lip-biting that he does when he’s with you,” asks Yoongi. 

“It is NOT annoying!”  Hoseok defends Namjoon.

“That’s a yes,” Jin says to Yoongi. 

“And yes, he did bite his lip at me.  Before and after,” Hoseok says with a big smile. 

“And?”  Jin asks, waiting for Hoseok to continue.

“And we did things,” Hoseok says, shyly.

“Ok?  And your overall grade is…”  Yoongi probes. 

“I mean…it’s Namjoon.  It was what I anticipated since the moment I met him.  It was chocolate and black licorice and ice-cold soju…all in one, invading all my senses.” 

“Altogether?  That’s…unappetizing,” says Yoongi, adding red pepper flakes to the pan.

“Black licorice is the devil’s ear wax,” says Jin.  “That doesn’t sound good at all.”

“Oh my god, you guys are…” Hoseok tries to be angry but can only laugh. 

“Well…is it our fault you suck at descriptions?”  Yoongi laughs.

“What I mean to say is…HE is wonderful.  He’s…yummy and warm and…he just has this presence.  I feel engulfed when I’m with him,” say Hoseok with a smile.

“That’s his muscles, dear,” Jin says, walking past Hoseok to reach for plates.  “Are you eating?”

“No, I’m full.” 

“I bet,” Yoongi murmurs, earning a laugh from his husband and a smack on the arm from his best friend. 

“So, come…sit…watch us eat and tell us about your lunch date with the Director.”  Jin smiles.  “God, it sounds so fancy when I phrase it like that.”

The trio sit down as Hoseok recounts the evening.  Suddenly, a memory of him and Andrew by a river in Japan flashes in his mind.  It was their 5^th year together and they had organized a couple’s trip.  Hoseok had planned a day at a lake for them and it turned out to be complete comedy.  The lake was actually a creek- small enough for toddlers to cross.  And they stayed there to have lunch anyway. 

The memory causes Hoseok to freeze.  It’s one of those moments, and he’s had many since the divorce, where he has an Andrew flashback that causes him to just stop.

“Hoseok.  Hey…Hoseokah,” Yoongi calls.  “You still with us?”

Hoseok looks up with glistening eyes, smiling.  “Yeah, sorry…I…”

Yoongi and Jin look on in silence.  Respecting Hoseok’s time and giving him space to sort out his feelings. 

“Andrew and I…we went to Japan several years back.  We…stopped by a ‘lake’ to have lunch.  It just…reminded me of that.” 

Yoongi and Jin nod, understanding.  Giving Hoseok sympathetic smiles. 

“Come sweet child, sleepy time,” says Jin, picking up his cousin’s arm to lead him back to his room.

It’s like that.  Loving someone for more than a decade, parting from them.  Having to revisit stitches of time that they’ve spent in your life, having that not overwhelm you.  Hoseok is learning to deal with it all.  Most days are good, some days are melancholic. 

Hoseok hates it.  He can’t stand that Andrew pervades his life when Namjoon is so wonderful (a fact he tells Namjoon often).

-

- -

-

“You’re quiet.  I thought you wanted to see the beach.”  Namjoon is holding Hoseok’s hand as they walk along Haeundae Beach bundled up.  The transition from autumn to winter is already in motion.  It’s apparent in the way their breaths appear in the air, the way their noses turn pink from the cold. 

“I did.  I do,” Hoseok answers, squeezing Namjoon’s hand.  “I just…it’s only my 4^th time seeing the sea and my first time in this cold ass weather.”

Namjoon laughs, heartily.  Hoseok loves that about him.

“Then what’s wrong?  You seem…a million miles away, Jung Hoseok.”

Hoseok is quiet.  Contemplative.  Not sure if he should voice the thoughts in his head.  But he’s honest, he can’t help it. 

“I…I had a flashback to the time that Andrew took me to the beach.  We only went once as a couple.  Unbelievable, I know.  He was always busy and I never wanted to go alone.  My friends were busy and…yeah, I just…didn’t go.  Anyway, the time we went, there were a bunch of people and there was some…karaoke festival in the city.  So, you could see a million karaoke shops having a party.  The karaoke rooms facing the beach were illuminated with different colored lights and effects and disco balls and costumed singers and…everything.  It was fun to watch people singing from inside their rooms and dancing and waving at beach-goers.”

Hoseok smiles.  “Sorry…I…I feel like every time I have a flash back…it’s with Andrew.”  Hoseok looks away, towards the water.  Disappointed in himself. 

“I don’t think you should feel disappointed.  I think…you’re too hard on yourself.”  Namjoon gently tugs on Hoseok’s hand to get him to look back him.  Which he does.  “This…Andrew…was a part of your life for 12 years.  And for a good part of that time, he WAS your life.  Like…your family, your sister, your parents, your cousin Jin.  This man makes up a large percent of your recent memories.  When you have something happen now that triggers a memory of something else in your past, it is logical for that memory to most likely involve Andrew.”

Hoseok’s mouth forms a somewhat linear smile.  He feels the coldness freezing his unshed tears.  He rubs his eyes with his free hand, causing Namjoon to gather him into his arms.  Their long pea coats and fluffy, knotted scarves bunching up.  Hoseok breathes it all in, trying not to exhale in Namjoon’s ear. 

“Sometimes…” Hoseok starts then stops.  Encouraged by Namjoon’s back rub, he continues.  “Sometimes, I feel guilty.  For smiling with you and laughing with you and just…everything with you.  I feel like…I’m supposed to wait for a certain period of time before I’m allowed to be happy again.  As if there’s some unwritten rule about being happy after a divorce.”

“It’s been less than 5 months since I signed on the dotted line,” Hoseok gulps.  “Is it ok that…my heart races when I see you?  When I see your text notification or your picture on my phone when you call?  When I see your car, waiting for me?” 

Namjoon pulls away from Hoseok.  Watching the glistening in the other man’s eyes as he blinks up at Namjoon.  Gently, tenderly, he cups Hoseok’s cheek.

“I’m glad your heart races when it sees me.  It means I’m not the only one impacted when we meet.”  Namjoon smiles, rubbing his thumb against Hoseok’s jaw line.  “I’m glad you’re excited when I text or call.  It erases my hesitancy when I call you.  I’m always afraid that I’m rushing you.” 

Hoseok bites his bottom lip, causing Namjoon to smile. 

“I’m glad our level of intimacy accommodates your feelings and comfort level.  I wouldn’t change any of it.”  Namjoon smiles, bringing his lips to rest against Hoseok’s forehead.  Hoseok leans in with his eyes closed, smiling at Namjoon’s warm lips against his temple. 

“It’s something you already know: I want you, Hoseok.  I’ve wanted you the from the moment I first saw you at the museum, admiring the Busan veil exhibit.  Your clear, brilliant eyes taking in the lines and the colors in the paintings.  Watching it overwhelm you.  Watching your face light up at inspiration.  I’ve wanted you since then…and its only grown stronger.  I find it hard to leave you at the end of the day, to say good bye.  I want to scoop you up and take you home.  I want you underneath me.  I want to know what it’ll sound like when I…push you deeper into pleasure.”

Hoseok is glad is face is hidden.  He’s absolutely sure his face is a tomato. 

“But I also want us to reach that peak together.  And…it will take time to get there.  I just want you to know that I’m not Superman.  I don’t have a sexual drive that can just be locked away in a mental vault.  I go home and I think of you and it aches.  But…in a good way.  Yearning.” 

Namjoon sprinkles kisses across Hoseok’s forehead.  He stops to say “I don’t want you to forget how desirable you are.  Beyond the kindness and calmness and hopefulness that you wear on your sleeve, there is also Jung Hoseok, the man.  Who I find hot and sexy and spicy…”

Hoseok laughs as Namjoon’s words disappear into his neck.  Namjoon pecks at Hoseok’s neck, giving little love bites but careful not to bruise. 

-

- -

-

A few weeks later, Hoseok and Namjoon are out eating dinner. 

“This is a pretty cool place,” Hoseok says, admiring the view from the 14^th floor.  It’s a Portuguese restaurant with a flair.  You can tell the dinner bill will be expensive based solely on the all-black décor and table pieces.  There’s exposed concrete and bleached concrete fountains throughout the restaurant- giving everything a modern, minimalist vibe. 

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure about it at first.  But I have a friend of mine, Jimin, who actually recommended this place.  He says we can skip the fish and just order chicken.  Anything chicken is supposed to be really good.” 

Hoseok smiles at Namjoon, enjoying the ease that comes from sharing space with the loving Director.

Were things ever this easy with Andrew?  And if it was, is it because Andrew was getting his sexual frustrations out of the way with someone else?  What if Namjoon gets tired of me?  Hoseok shakes the negative thoughts from his head, focusing on Namjoon’s sleek, dark green turtleneck. 

“I like your shirt,” says Hoseok, nodding at Namjoon.

“Thank you. I ordered it for you,” smiles Namjoon.  “Meaning, I ordered it for me to wear but in your favorite color.”

Hoseok has a big cheesy smile.  He’s getting used to Namjoon’s ability to say something that disarms him completely. 

“You look good in green,” Hoseok compliments, taking a sip of water to cool himself off.

“You look good in anything…and nothing.”

Hoseok almost chokes on his little sip of water, causing Namjoon to reach across the table. 

“Are you ok, Hobi?”

“Shut up!  It’s your fault,” Hoseok says with a smile, Namjoon chuckling.

“Jung Hoseok?” 

Hoseok turns to see the last person on earth that he would want to see.  A face that he woke up to for years and years, at one point. 

“Andrew.”

Hoseok is in shock as his ex-husband bows to him, interrupting his conversation with Namjoon.

“I thought that was you.  Thought I would come over and say ‘hi’.  I hope I’m not interrupting.” 

Hoseok is still a little surprised at the demeanor of the man he once called husband.  The same man who walked away from Hoseok on the day of their divorce, earlier in the year.  Acknowledging Hoseok like all is well. 

“You are.  We’re having dinner,” Hoseok manages, sitting up straighter in his seat.  Eyes fixed on Andrew. 

“Apologies,” says Andrew.  “And apologies” he says, turning to Namjoon.  A Namjoon who has suddenly gone deathly quiet. 

Namjoon nods. 

“I’m Andrew- an old friend.”  The man takes a bow towards Namjoon’s direction.  Meanwhile, Namjoon has made no movement or inclination to return the bowing gesture.  He just stares on.

“Hi.”

With that cold reception, Andrew turns back to Hoseok.  “Hoseok, may I have a word with you?  In private, please?”

“Andrew, I am having dinner.”

“Seok, please.”

Andrew faces his back to Namjoon, holding out a hand to Hoseok.  Hoseok sighs, heavily.  Twice.  He looks over to Namjoon who still has a cold expression. 

“Namjoon…do you mind if I step away for a moment?”  Hoseok doesn’t want to be rude.  He wants to assert power, giving Namjoon the option to say no and turn Andrew down entirely. 

“I’m fine with whatever you wish.  Don’t be long…Love.”  Namjoon booms the last word, being obvious to Hoseok that he wants to mark his territory.  Making Hoseok laugh on the inside. 

Hoseok gets up, gestures to Andrew to lead so that he may follow.  Not wanting to take the man’s hand in his own.  Hoseok is led to an open area near a water fountain, less than 25 steps away from his table. 

“Hoseok- “

“What the fuck, Andrew!  Are you serious?  I am with my boyfriend right now.”  The fact that he and Namjoon have NOT started claiming that title just yet is not something that Andrew needs to know, thinks Hoseok. 

“Boyfriend?  That was fast!”  Andrew is staring down at him with accusatory blue eyes, one hand on his hip. 

“Are you fucking with me?  Are you actually fucking telling me, your ex-husband that you cheated on, that it’s not ok to move on?”  Hoseok is ready to throw a fist.  Or three.

“That’s…that’s not what I’m saying- “

“Look, I don’t know what you want Andrew.  But I do know this: we are over.  There is nothing you could possibly have to say to me.  Nothing.”  Hoseok turns to walk away when Andrew stops him with words.

“He’s using you to get to me.  Did he mention that?”

Hoseok whips around with disbelief written all over his face.  “WHAT!?”

Andrew shakes his head, looking around to make sure they’re not being eavesdropped before staring back at Hoseok.  “He’s a son of the second oldest mob family in Korea.  A family that deals in loans and acquisitions.  The ruthless kind.”

Hoseok laughs at the accusation.

“It’s not funny, Hoseok.  These are…these are shady people.  They are relentless and they will aim for your weakness.  They will hunt family and friends, threaten you with financial downfall.  He’s a Kim, right?  Assuming he has told you his real surname, he’s a Kim.  A Kim of the Ilsan Kims- notorious and filthy rich.”

Hoseok is still giggling.  “The Ilsan Kims?  Right.  And tell me Andrew, why the hell would an Ilsan Kim try to use me to get to you?  Do you deal in mob families, too, now?

Andrew breathes heavily.  “Look, Hoseok.”  Andrew sighs, again- getting on Hoseok’s nerve.  “The Canadian branch that we launched a few years back…it was…we didn’t have enough to balance the books after the 6-month delay.  It was an even bigger tab for that venture than what was budgeted.  I was at a dinner one night when I was introduced to Kim Sejin.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, a very powerful and rich and intelligent man.  He agreed to fund the company’s Canada expansion with the understanding that he would be a selected as a board member and “gifted” partial ownership of the Canada branch- “

“Andrew, fast forward your History Channel prelude.  Where the fuck are you going with this?”  Hoseok is getting tired and he’s hungry. 

“I was unable to get him elected as a board member.  And I couldn’t strong arm the other members into doing so.  I…I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain.  I was able to give him partial ownership of the Canada branch but it was less than we discussed.  I...it seemed like, to them- the Kims, it seemed like I took their money and shorted them.  A very powerful mob family with connections growing in various networks.”

“So…you think…what?  They’re after you?”

“Yes!”  Andrew huffs, “yes, Hoseok.  They’re after me.  And not in the kill me sense, but very much in the ‘we have other ways to hurt you’ sense.  There’s no way it’s pure coincidence that an Ilsan Kim grandson is suddenly dating my newly divorced ex-husband.  The man bleeds money and influence- he’s probably got some arranged marriage in Ilsan or something.”

Hoseok finds it hard to believe and can only shake his head.

“Did he tell you where he was from?  Where he was born?  Did he tell you he went to school in Canada for several years?”

That question stops Hoseok because Namjoon speaks fluent English to museum visitors, and has been helping Hoseok brush up on his English skills.  He told Hoseok that he participated in an exchange program for a couple of years in Canada.

“Did he tell you that though he’s not set to inherit the grand seat, he is still worth quiet a lot?  At least 56 billion won.  At least!  He’s a rich grandson who was probably sent to investigate you, to see if he could draw out weaknesses about me.”

Hoseok is confused.  Not sure what to believe.  He backs away from Andrew.  “We’re done, Andrew.  Pedal your lies to someone else.”

Hoseok continues to walk away as Andrew calls after him.  Reaching their table, Hoseok smiles at Namjoon who looks over at him, concerned. 

“Are you ok,” Namjoon asks.  Taking Hoseok’s hand into his own.  “I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to stand up and play jealous boyfriend.” 

Hoseok smiles at Namjoon, shaking his head.  “He…he’s delusional.  Maybe he’s overworked or something.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t involve us.”

“Us,” Namjoon smiles. 

Hoseok bites his lip and smiles.  “Us.”

{A Few Days Later}

“Hey best friend” says Hoseok to Yoongi.

“Hey roomie.  How’s the love life?  I feel like I haven’t seen you in a week.”  Yoongi sits down at the dining table as afternoon snow flurries whip around outside their window. 

“Wonderful,” says Hoseok, smiling from ear to ear. 

“I bet.  Mr. Art Director with a big package seems like he’s got you on a pedestal.” 

Hoseok laughs at Yoongi’s comment.

“And meanwhile, my husband is off playing with gangsters,” Yoongi pouts, leaning back in his chair. 

“Playing with gangsters?”

“Yeah,” replies Yoongi.  “He’s narrating this documentary about gangs in America, gangs in Japan and gangs in Korea.  Their similarities, differences- the way their network operates.  I swear, if I didn’t know your cousin was narrating a documentary about gangs, I would think he was cheating on me.  Calling out random names in his sleep from time to time.”

Hoseok smiles, leaning back in his chair.  A nagging feeling causes him to ask: “what kind of gangs in Korea?”

Yoongi looks pensive.  “Uhm…I think…old gang families.  Like, there’s a gang in Busan that launders money thru the busy fish market.  There’s a mob family- Han- the oldest mob family in Korea, they say.  They do a lot of “consultations” in marketing and mergers in Asia.  They’re like…the Capulets and the Kims are the Montagues.  Sworn enemy houses.” 

“The Kims,” asks Hoseok.

“Yeah, the Ilsan Kims.  They are the second oldest mob family in Korea.  They’re actually the 'cleanest mob family' in the game.  If that makes any sense,” laughs Yoongi.  “A lot of their business is loans- the Kims know how to calculate money.  They’re a mob but not as dirty as the other gangs in the eastern region…”

Yoongi is still talking as Hoseok hones in on that one phrase: the Ilsan Kims.  His blood feels a little colder, he shivers a bit. 

“You ok, Seok?” 

“Yeah…YEAH, just dazing off.  Wondering about gang life and the Hitman video game-images I have of their dealings.”

Yoongi laughs at that.  “Well, these families are watched now so I don’t think hits are as likely as they used to be.  They deal more in threats and financial ruin now, I’m sure.  Easier to threaten people, I imagine.”

Yoongi gets up to start an early dinner as Hoseok stays seated.  Contemplating what Yoongi has just said and weighing that against Andrew’s accusations.  And just then, speak of the devil: Hoseok’s phone rings with Andrew’s name on the caller ID. 

For two days, Hoseok ignores the phone calls.  Finally, he’s had enough.  He tells Andrew that they can meet up at a café. 

“Hoseok,” says Andrew, standing to greet him.  He reaches for Hoseok out of familiarity and Hoseok shrinks back out of irritation.

“I’m here Andrew.  Have a seat.”

They both sit down, a water for Hoseok and an apple juice for Andrew.  Hoseok doesn’t know what he’s doing at this café.  Not believing Andrew- that’s for sure.  There are two sides to every story.  He just wants to know where each party stands. 

“Have you thought about what I said,” Andrew starts off.  “About the…the Ilsan Kims?  You have to be careful, Hoseok.  We’re not married anymore so I can’t protect you—”

“I don’t think you could even if we were married.  You’d be too busy in the marketing department,” says Hoseok, sassy.

“Look…Hoseok…we’re not here to argue about our marriage.  We’re here because…I believe that you’re being targeted.  Possibly for information on me.  About my business.  About the company.”

“And you’re asking that I stay tight lipped?”  Hoseok is irritated, he’s regretting his agreement to this meeting.

“Not just that.  I think- I think you need to reassess your relationship with this Kim Namjoon.  What do you know about him, really?  Really!  Is he being honest with you?  Can you trust him?” 

“Reassess my relationship with him?  Andrew, you have some balls.  You know that?  You…cheat on me for years, YEARS.  Then you give me a cold divorce.  And all of a sudden, we’re buddies again and you want me to dump my new boyfriend?”

“Hoseok, you need to believe—”

“No, stop!”  Hoseok stands up, ready to leave.  “Let’s say he’s an Ilsan Kim.  Just for giggles, let’s say my boyfriend is an Ilsan Kim: what are you afraid of?  That I’ll tell them the true 4^th quarter earnings from prior year?  That I’ll tell them about our EBITDA status?  The company losses from 2 years ago?  HUH!  Andrew, you cheated on me for the last couple years of our marriage…or so I’m told.  At this point, their guess about what you do or have planned for the future of your company is as much a mystery to me as it is to them.”  Hoseok fixes his scarf as he says: “don’t call me Andrew.  Don’t call me out again unless you have something to say to me and my boyfriend.”

Hoseok exits the shop, pulling his coat closer around his neck. 

-

- -

-

Namjoon and Hoseok are at Namjoon’s house watching a horror movie later that week. 

“Why are we watching a horror movie?  Shouldn’t we be watching something with Christmas goodness,” Hoseok asks, snuggling closer to Namjoon on the couch.

“You know I just use this as a way to get you to latch on to me,” Namjoon says, smiling down at Hoseok. 

“You know,” Hoseok says, fingering Namjoon’s hoodie string.  “I would latch on to you even without the horror movie.” 

Namjoon laughs before tilting Hoseok’s face upwards.  They kiss, softly at first.  Then, as intended, the kiss turns passionate.  Namjoon’s tongue descending and exiting Hoseok’s mouth as he tightly grips Hoseok’s thigh.  Hoseok sucks at Namjoon’s tongue, humping the air between them. 

Namjoon breaks off the kiss.  “I’m…. I’m sorry.  We…better stop.  Otherwise, I won’t have control.”  Namjoon buries his head into Hoseok’s shoulder, trying to calm his heart. 

Hoseok tries to catch his breath, staring up at Namjoon’s ceiling.  It’s a position they’ve found themselves in before.  Always stopping out of consideration for Hoseok.  And it’s, again, that feeling that Hoseok can’t shake: screaming lust.

He wants. 

He wants Namjoon’s kisses.

He wants Namjoon’s hands on his bare skin. 
He wants Namjoon’s hard cock deep inside. 

It’s something he’s daydreamed, fantasized about a hundred times already. 

He’s ready.

Slowly, Hoseok peels back enough to be able to see Namjoon’s face.  It’s flushed.  He stares at Hoseok’s lips, hungry.  Licking his own before meeting Hoseok’s eyes.  Hoseok disentangles himself from Namjoon, wordlessly.  Standing in his own hoodie and sweats just a few steps away from the couch.  Carefully, he takes off his hoodie to expose a large white tee that practically swallows Hoseok.  Tossing the sweatshirt on the couch, Hoseok takes off his sweats, too.  Keeping eye contact with a desire-filled Namjoon who watches in anticipation. 

The sweat pants join the hoodie on the couch.  Hoseok gulps, still locking eyes with Namjoon he takes off his socks, balling them and throwing them on the couch, too.  And without blinking, he maneuvers his boxers lower and lower until they fall to the floor.  Hoseok throws those on the couch too.  Now, all that’s left is his white tee shirt.  He hesitates for a few seconds before reaching for the hem of shirt. 

“Wait!”  Hoseok is frozen by Namjoon’s voice.  “Are…are you sure, Hoseok?”

Nodding his head, Hoseok slowly smiles.  “I’m sure, Joon.”

Quickly, Namjoon is on his feet.  Making his way around the coffee table, he stands in front of Hoseok for a mere second before scooping the man into his arms. 

“In that case, I want the honor of disrobing you completely,” Namjoon says with a smile, adding a peck to Hoseok’s lips.  Carrying him to the bedroom- a place that Hoseok has slept before but never like this.  Willing to be ravished in whatever way Namjoon wants because he wants it just as much if not more.

Namjoon’s fingertips burn every square of skin it touches.  The t-shirt doesn’t last long.  Especially when Namjoon’s goal is tweaking Hoseok’s nipples and lapping at them like a puppy.  When he suckles, Hoseok gasps out loud.  Craving more tongue on his chest and more fondling between his legs.  Namjoon is stroking him, firmly.  Then moving to cup his sack, groping his balls. 

Hoseok’s eyes feel like they’re rolling into the back of his head.  He’s bucking upwards like he’s a virgin, trying to fill Namjoon’s hand as it moves to stroke his dick. 

“God…you feel so good baby,” Namjoon whispers before capturing Hoseok’s mouth in a searing kiss. 

“Yes,” Hoseok manages between kisses.  “Namjoon…” 

With their lips locked together, their saliva mixing between their mouths, Namjoon reaches around to fill both his hands with Hoseok’s ass cheeks.  Squeezing as he humps against Hoseok’s swollen cock. 

“Fuck” Hoseok screams, feeling Namjoon’s bulge in his sweats he grips Hoseok’s ass. 

“Don’t tease me, Joon.  I don’t need the foreplay.  We’ve had months of it,” Hoseok smiles as Namjoon’s muffles a “thank god” into his chest. 

Within seconds, all clothing has been removed and Namjoon is climbing back on the bed with lube.  Losing no time, his mouth is once again attached to Hoseok’s neck, biting and sucking.  Namjoon’s tongue climbing upwards before his teeth gently nibble on Hoseok’s ear lobe- causing the man to moan and cling to Namjoon.

Starting with one finger, Namjoon slowly glides into Hoseok.  Giving him time to adjust to the width of one finger.  Kissing Hoseok’s nipple, Namjoon continues pushing in and out as he leans to one side of Hoseok- trying not to crush him with his full weight. 

“Joonie…more…” Hoseok huffs, eyes closed with his legs spread open.  His muscles tightening and releasing every time Namjoon pushes inward.  Also distracted by the love bites on his chest.

“Fuck…you’re so beautiful,” Namjoon says, adding a second lubed finger as pushes in again.  Pausing to let Hoseok feel the width. 

He continues to slowly dive in then pull out as he goes back to attacking Hoseok’s neck, adding to the litany of red and purple bites that already exist.  “Lovely…so fuckin beautiful.”  Namjoon speeds up the motion of his hand, feeling Hoseok jolt.  “You know how beautiful you are…huh…fuck.  So beautiful…I wanna fuckin eat you, Hobi.  Right here…taste this ass.”  Just then, Namjoon increases speed.

Hoseok starts moaning: “Joon…aaaaahhhh…. fuck.  Joon….”  Sighing, clenching, exhaling. 

“Slow down babe,” Hoseok whimpers.  “Add…add another finger.”

Namjoon decelerates to a stop, pausing to lube three fingers before slowly penetrating.  He stops when all three fingers are deep in Hoseok’s ass.  Giving his lover a moment to get used to the size- feeling the rim tighten and release. 

Adding kisses along Hoseok’s jaw line, Namjoon smiles when Hoseok opens his eyes to look at him.  Pink-cheeked with a glaze in his eyes. 

“Feel good baby?”

Hoseok smiles, “your fingers are so damn long.”

Namjoon slowly pulls his fingers out half way before gently pushing back in.

“If…if I hadn’t already felt your cock at the back of my throat, I’d be even more scared right now,” Hoseok manages.  Making Namjoon laugh in his neck as the man tries to focus on stretching him. 

Hoseok chuckles before freezing.  Namjoon pushes inward at that point and finally does what he had been ignoring previously: he enters Hoseok’s ass with his fingers and pushes forward towards the front of Hoseok’s body.  Fingering the round bulb that causes Hoseok to cry out “fuck!”

“Hmmm…found it,” Namjoon says, nipping Hoseok’s shoulder as his fingers continue. 

Hoseok grips the sheets with his head tilted back.  His breathing- out of control.  Pleasure echoing thru all parts of his body as Namjoon continues to rub against his prostate. 

“So good…so good…so good” Hoseok whimpers.  He pushes himself up slightly to recline on his elbows.  Planting his feet on the bed to slowly rock in motion, unable to control his hips that want to buck upwards. 

“Fuck…you look so beautiful like this,” Namjoon says, sitting up to watch Hoseok respond- fingering Hoseok while stroking his own cock that has precum dripping.  “I could come from watching you.”

Hoseok looks over at Namjoon.  “Now Joon,” he gulps.  “Fuck me now.”

Namjoon needs no further approval.  He takes out his fingers to position himself between Hoseok’s legs.  Massaging Hoseok’s thigh with one hand, he uses the other to lube his swollen cock.  Hoseok shifts his weight to one elbow to use his other hand to stroke his cock. 

“You’re so beautiful, Joonie.  God,” Hoseok tilts his head back, closing his eyes to enjoy the sensation of jacking himself off while Namjoon squeezes his thigh. 

Namjoon starts slow, penetrating at an unhurried pace.  Letting Hoseok clench and release as pushes in, deeper.  Once he’s buried completely, he pauses to let Hoseok adjust.

“Lie back, baby.  Let me do the work,” says Namjoon- his body shiny with sweat.

“I’m not gonna last.  I’m not gonna fuckin last,” cries Hoseok, overcome with pleasure. 

“Yeah…this cock feels that good, baby” Namjoon asks, spreading Hoseok’s legs further apart. 

“Yes!  Yes,” Hoseok cries.  His hips buck twice in response.  “So fuckin good.”  Hoseok covers his face with both hands.  Overwhelmed.

Namjoon can’t help the satisfaction that floods him, that urges him to gradually start pumping.  A pace that quickens every time Hoseok says “fuck” or “Daddy”.  Pushing Namjoon to grip Hoseok’s waist while he drills into him.  Namjoon slides one arm under Hoseok’s leg, raising it in the air.  From the elevated position, he can finally pump into Hoseok and push against that bulb of tissue, pulsing. 

“FUCK!  FUCK!  FUCK!”  Hoseok screams, his prostate strumming desire thru every nerve, vein, stream in his body.

Namjoon is relentless.  Still fucking into Hoseok while he maintains his grip on one leg, he uses his other hand to pump Hoseok’s cock.  Stroking the shaft, he continues to drive into Hoseok’s ass.  Namjoon loves the tight rim that sucks him in. 

Hoseok only has seconds to enjoy the view:  Namjoon holding his leg while using all the muscles in his body to thrust in and out of Hoseok.  Stroking Hoseok’s cock with his head thrown back and his eyes closed.  Concentrating on everything at once. 

When Hoseok comes, he’s loud about it.  “FUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK” Hoseok cries.  His body visibly shakes from the pleasure that pulsates throughout his body.  “Fuck, fuck….Joooooonnn” Hoseok cries. 

Namjoon moves his hand from Hoseok’s limp cock to Hoseok’s other leg.  Raising both legs to his hips, he pounds right back into Hoseok’s ass- chasing his own release which takes seconds to reach as he spills, deep. 

“Hobi…fuck,” Namjoon breathes unevenly, letting the pleasure vibrate thru out his body as he leans forward to hover over Hoseok, resting his temple on Hoseok’s. 

Hoseok is still feeling the aftershocks in his body, shaking.  “Joonie,” is all he can manage.  He looks up at Namjoon who is still resting his temple against Hoseok’s forehead.  Weakly, Hoseok rubs his thumb against Namjoon’s jaw- getting the man to open his eyes. 

Something passes between them.  Some unspoken moment of too much emotion that causes Namjoon to kiss Hoseok.  Not ravenous or wild, but sweet and long.  Aching and spent.

-

- -

-

It’s another date night for Hoseok and Namjoon in the New Year.  Hoseok waits in Namjoon’s office at the art museum, smiling fondly at the invoices and post-its that litter a work table in Namjoon’s corner office.  He admires all the smaller art pieces and charcoal pieces thumb-tacked to a cork board.  “Namjoon’s musings” Hoseok says with a smile.

This isn’t his first time waiting for Namjoon in the art museum.  But it is the first time he’s been alone in the office.  He taps various figurines lightly, enjoying the evening view of the park outside.  Just as he takes a seat in Namjoon’s chair, a vibrating sound rumbles from the desk.  Hoseok looks everywhere for a cell phone.  He hears it again, opening drawers at Namjoon’s desk.  He’s opened the 4^th desk drawer when he finds it: a cell phone. 

This isn’t Namjoon’s usual red-cased cell phone that Hoseok is used to calling.  This one is all black in a clear case. The screen is faced down, the phone illuminating the papers beneath it.  Hoseok picks up the phone to see multiple text message notifications flash across the screen. 

“The boss wants a family meeting tomorrow night.  Make time.”

“Also, the tail on Cho Andrew- have that status ready.”

“Your grandfather wants an update.  You didn’t check in last week.”

“And don’t forget to bring your cousin along.”

“A family heir REQUIRES training.  Sooner rather than later.”

“Don’t be surprised (aka mad) if your grandfather brings up your love life.”

“We need to address the engagement party.  And the Paiks are pressing the issue”

“Nam, he knows you’re dragging”

Hoseok immediately drops the phone back into the drawer.  Then fixing it back into its original position.  He freezes. 

The tail on Andrew: is that him, Jung Hoseok?

Mafia family heir: so Namjoon is an Ilsan Kim?

Engagement, Paiks: so Namjoon is engaged? 

Hoseok feels sick. 

He gets up to leave just as Namjoon walks in. 

“Sorry babe.  I—”

“It’s ok,” Hoseok hurries to cut him off.  “I’m…I’m sorry Namjoon.  I’m…I feel a little sick.”  Hoseok speed walks to the door way to turn and explain.  “I…I just feel…my stomach is a bit upset.  I think I just…need rest.”

Namjoon is immediately by his side.  He grips Hoseok’s elbow making the man flinch.  “Are you sure you’re ok, Hobi?  Do you need me to drive you home?  Or we can go to my place and I can make you some ginger tea.”

Hoseok shakes his head and backs away.  “No, I…I can walk home.  It’s not far.  I just…I need some rest.  I’m sorry to cancel on you Namjoon.  I just…I need some rest.”  Hoseok feels his throat closing up. 

“It’s ok.  Don’t apologize babe.  Just go rest.  Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home?” 

Hoseok shakes his head with a small smile.  “I’m ok” he whispers before fleeing.

The upset stomach bit is not a lie.  Hoseok feels sick to his stomach as he speed walks home.  Yoongi and Jin are surprised to see him walk thru the door, not expecting Hoseok home for the rest of the night.

“Cancelled date,” asks Jin. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Hoseok replies.  “Staying in for the night.”  He rushes to his room, closing the door behind him.  Yoongi and Jin turn to one another with confused expressions. 

Hoseok collapses to the floor.  Sad, wanting to curl up into a ball and disappear. 

He’s an Ilsan Kim. 

An engaged Ilsan Kim. 

An engaged Ilsan Kim that was sent to tail Cho Andrew.

And all of Andrew’s contacts. 

Hoseok cries, silently, on the floor.  “Jung Hoseok…just…fucking forfeit the love life,” he whispers. 

Andrew was right.  Andrew was right and Hoseok was wrong.  And the shame and hurt and humiliation and deceit burn even brighter in Hoseok’s darkened bedroom. 

-

- -

-

Two weeks pass: Hoseok finds every and any excuse to not see Namjoon.  Sickness.  Working.  House hunting.  Scheduled engagements with other friends or family members. 

“Oh, hey Namjoon!  Come in, come in!  I’ll tell Hoseok you’re here,” says Yoongi.

Hoseok had not yet told Yoongi and Jin about his discovery.  Mostly due to the fact that he couldn’t believe it himself.  He was dating the son of a mafia family who was tasked with trailing Hoseok due to his association with his ex-husband.  And, OH YEAH, Namjoon is already engaged.  (That would, for sure, put Jin at a level of anger that Hoseok has not seen in a while and Yoongi would be locked up for attempted murder.)

Knock, Knock.

“Lil’ Seok, Namjoon is here,” says Jin from outside his door. 

“Ok, I’m coming,” Hoseok replies.  Trying to make himself look more “alive”.  Or, just not as sad as he had been for the last two weeks. 

He joins Namjoon in the living room as Yoongi and Jin finish eating dinner.  Conversing with Namjoon from afar. 

“Baby!  God, it feels like I haven’t seen you in ages,” Namjoon says to Hoseok.

Hoseok smiles, trying not to tense up as Namjoon takes him into his arms.  The back rub almost draws out a sob as Hoseok breathes in that familiar woodsy scent that lives in Namjoon’s neck.  Fighting the lull that he would usually be sucked into. 

“How are you babe,” Namjoon says, using his index finger beneath Hoseok’s chin to tip Hoseok’s head back.  Getting a good look at his lover’s face.  “I feel like you’re avoiding me,” Namjoon whispers into Hoseok’s lips. 

Hoseok rapidly blinks his eyes, shaking his head softly as if to say “no, that’s not the case”. 

Namjoon smiles softly, resting their foreheads against one another.  “What are you doing?  Let’s go back to my place.  We haven’t had a sleepover in weeks,” Namjoon murmurs, nuzzling Hoseok’s nose. 

Hoseok looks up at Namjoon as the man keeps his eyes closed- reveling in their embrace. 

He’s so beautiful, Hoseok thinks.  Of course, OF COURSE he’s already engaged.  And even if he wasn’t, of course he’s not actually interested in me for me.  This is business for him. 

Namjoon opens his eyes, seeing the glistening in Hoseok’s eyes.  “Heeeyyy, what’s wrong babe?  Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok responds, burying his face in Namjoon’s pea coat.  “Just, not feeling well.”

“Hoseok, maybe we should take you to the hospital.  To get a check-up?”  concern fills Namjoon’s eyes as he rubs Hoseok’s cheek. 

“I-I’m fine.  I will be fine.  It’s just…the lingering winter weather.  It does this to me sometimes.” Hoseok says, focusing on Namjoon’s rounded cheeks. 

“Hey Namjoon,” Yoongi calls out from the open dining room.  “If you’re not doing anything tomorrow, do you want to have dinner with us?  You can come over and share our pot of kimchi jjigae.” 

“That sounds like a plan,” Namjoon says, accepting the invitation.  He looks back down at Hoseok.  “Any reason to see my baby, again.” 

Hoseok smiles, burying his face again to hide his emotions. 

“Makes it easier to say good bye to you if I know I can see you again tomorrow.”  Namjoon whispers it to Hoseok who flinches from the way that line squeezes his heart. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Joonie” Hoseok says, muffling his words in Namjoon’s coat to mask the trembling in his voice. 

“Sending me out the door already?”  Namjoon laughs.  “I’m joking babe.  I want you to get some rest.  Seeing you, even for a few minutes at the end of my day, makes everything better.  Bearable.”

Namjoon and Hoseok kiss a few more times as Namjoon puts his shoes on, getting ready to leave.  Another bear hug and Namjoon is out the door.  Hoseok says good night to Yoongi and Jin before slinking into bed. 

His bedroom door opens and closes.  A shadow crosses his wall.  Hoseok feels the shift in the bed from additional weight. 

“What’s wrong little Seokie,” Jin asks.  “And don’t waste your breath saying nothing because I won’t believe it.  Something is definitely wrong and I want to know.  You went from flying high on Lover’s Airline to digging yourself deeper underground like a mole.”

Hoseok stays quiet for a bit, knowing he can’t lie.  “I…I don’t want to tell you.  To be honest, I don’t have…a lot of…evidence.  And, I don’t want you or Yoongi to form opinions about people without knowing the full story when I don’t even know the full story.”  Hoseok sniffles. 

“Hmm…by people, you mean Namjoon.”  Jin takes a breath.  “If I promise to not form opinions until I know the full story, would you tell me then?” 

Hoseok doesn’t respond.  “If you tell me not to hate him, I won’t hate him, Seokie” Jin says with a sigh.  “But I must say, this suspense is doing no favors for him at present.”

Hoseok turns his head, facing Jin who is seated near the edge of his bed. 

“Yoongi said you did a documentary on gang families recently.  Right?”

“Yeah,” Jin replies.  “A few weeks back.”

“Then…you…know about the Ilsan Kims.”

Jin’s jaw clenches.  Heavy sigh.  “Yes, Seokie, I know the Ilsan Kims.  Gonna guess that your Namjoon is an Ilsan Kim.”

Hoseok nods.  “I think so.”

“I think so, too,” Jin replies.  “Based purely on the fact that I saw pictures of current descendants of these mafia families.  And when I saw the picture of Kim Sejin, the current head of the Ilsan Kims…I laughed at it, first off.  The eerie similarity between him and Kim Namjoon.  If you see a picture of him Seokie, you’ll see it instantly.  Same eyes, eyebrow shape, cheekbones, jaw line: its like fast forwarding time.”

“Then…you know that…mafia families have people that they tail.  Follow,” Hoseok says. 

“You think Namjoon is tailing you,” Jin asks with worry written on his face.

“Not me, exactly.  More like Andrew.  It seems, a part from cheating on me in our own bed, my ex-husband was embroiling himself in questionable connections.  And since he was unable to deliver on some of his promises to the Ilsan Kims, they want information on Andrew’s business.  Information they think I might have.”

Jin reaches out to rest his hand on Hoseok’s thigh.  “Has anyone threatened you?”

Hoseok shakes his head.  “No, nothing like that.  I- - - saw it on Namjoon’s other phone.  A text about tailing Andrew.  He did warn me about such a thing happening- Andrew that is.  Told me that his previous dealings might involve investigating me.”

“What a fucking rat,” says Jin.  “Andrew, of course.  He wasn’t just dirty in bed, he was dirty everywhere else too, it seems.  I shouldn’t have stopped Yoongi from trying to set fire to his Lamborghini.”

“And…”

“And?  There’s an and?  Not only is Mr. Perfect investigating you on behalf of his mafia, there’s an and?”

Hoseok blinks before answering: “he’s engaged.”

Jin removes his hand from Hoseok’s thigh, balling it into this own lap.  “Like busy engaged?  Or I have a fiancée but I’ve been fucking around with another guy-engaged?”

“Jin, you promised—”

“Oh My God, Seok!  That’s fucking…that’s an Andrew level type of low.  Maybe even lower!  And you expect me to NOT form opinions?  Yoongi would be absolutely feral!”

“Jin…please…”

“Are you making excuses for him, Seokie” Jin asks, getting up from the bed and pacing in the dark. 

“NO.  NO, I’m not.  I just…I told you- I don’t have evidence.  Just the text notifications.  I mean, for all we know, Namjoon could be against the engagement,” Hoseok offers.

Jin shakes his head in anger, opening his mouth to respond without words coming out.  Until finally: “you made me promise to…not make judgements about him just yet.  And I won’t.  I don’t think it’s safe to even tell Yoongi, yet.  BUT you should know that this makes it REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT to feel anything positive towards him.  Really fucking difficult.”

Jin walks over to the door to leave, pausing.  “I…won’t tell Yoongi this.  Not yet.  He won’t be able to hide his disgust and irritation as easily as me.  Not to mention, my husband has a knife in his hand 80% of the time.”

-

- -

-

“Namjoon, you’re here,” Jin says with very little enthusiasm. 

Namjoon shows up for dinner the next night, as invited.  He’s seated next to Hoseok who he hugs and kisses for at least five minutes.  Making Jin’s anger increase with every ounce of affection.  Trying not to raise any alarms with Yoongi, Jin behaves during dinner. 

Namjoon tells stories about Canada and his experience abroad.  Causing Jin to look over at Hoseok several times to give a silent eye roll or death stare.  Those stories are traded with Yoongi’s anecdotes about working in the studio and the musician tantrums. 

They’re close to serving dessert when the door bell rings. 

“Are you expecting anyone,” Namjoon asks, squeezing Hoseok’s hand on the table. 

Hoseok shakes his head, looking into Namjoon’s eyes.  Its these glowing moments that almost have Hoseok fooled that Namjoon truly cares for him.  When Namjoon looks at him with so much warmth that Hoseok is sure he’s running a fever. 

“What the hell are you doing here,” Yoongi shouts from their front door. 

Hoseok and Namjoon look at each other with confusion, waiting for Yoongi and the mysterious guest to appear.  Hoseok turns briefly to Jin to watch him mouth “I’m Sorry”.  Dread fills Hoseok’s heart. 

“I was invited.”  Hoseok’s heart nearly stops.  He knows that voice.  He went to bed listening to it for more than a decade.

“Bullshit.  Who the fuck would invite you here?”

“Ask your husband.”

Seconds later, Yoongi is storming towards the dining room with a determined Andrew stumbling behind him.

“What have I told you about bringing trash into this house,” Yoongi asks Jin, livid. 

“He said he wanted to speak to Hoseok.  Wrap up some things.  I told him it would be better if he did it here, at the flat.  So, we can punch him in case he pulls anything,” Jin replies.  Standing, crossing his arms against his chest. 

“What” Yoongi and Hoseok shout at the same time.  Namjoon sits in silent irritation.

“Seok—”

Andrew is about to address Hoseok when Yoongi cuts him off.  “THAT’S JUNG HOSEOK TO YOU.  Keep the formalities.”  Yoongi is ready to swing at the blue-eyed devil, prompting Jin to tug on his husband’s wrist. 

“Hoseok, please.  Let’s talk.  I…there are some things I would like to clear up,” Andrew says.  He gives Hoseok a pleading expression before looking squarely at Namjoon, as if challenging.  Namjoon responds with a tilt of his head, ready to stand and call Andrew out. 

“There’s nothing to discuss, Andrew.  I’m sorry you wasted your time but—”

“Hoseok, you really need to hear what I have to say,” Andrew says, cutting off Hoseok.

“Little Seok, maybe you should take this conversation into another room,” Jin suggests.

“WHAT” Namjoon and Yoongi shout.

“Whatever he has to say, he can say it here.  RIGHT HERE,” Yoongi vehemently states.  Giving his husband a look that says “don’t challenge me”. 

Jin shuts his mouth, giving Hoseok the floor. 

“Andrew, whatever you need to say, you can say by text or phone.  You are interrupting a dinner party,” Hoseok says.  He’s 10% glad that Jin tried to help him get answers from Andrew and 200% pissed that his own cousin recruited his cheating, scheming ex-husband to get answers. 

“Hoseok, what I have to say is important” Andrew says, stepping forward in anger, eyeing Hoseok then Namjoon and back to Hoseok.

“I believe my boyfriend is tired and has already expressed his wish that you leave.  Please, for your own sake- leave,” Namjoon says, flattening his palm on the dinner table as if to get in position to attack. 

“You should stay out of business that isn’t yours,” Andrew says.

“Hoseok is my business,” says Namjoon, getting to his feet.  At this point, anyone who was not standing before is standing now.  Just 5 people standing in a dinning room with the wind picking up outside. 

“Really?  Huh…I wonder how that came to be,” says Andrew.  “Was making Hoseok your business intentional or just good fortune?”

“Don’t hide behind words, Andrew.  Say what you mean,” Namjoon replies, menacingly. 

“Hide?  Me?  I have nothing to hide.  But other people in this room might,” Andrew says, taking another step forward.  Placing himself about 6 steps away from Namjoon and Hoseok and three steps away from Jin and Yoongi. 

Namjoon snickers, a dangerous glint in his eye.

“What…no come back for that Kim?  It is Kim, right?  Your last name,” Andrew asks, looking at Namjoon. 

Before Namjoon can respond, Andrew turns his gaze back to Hoseok.  “An Ilsan Kim.”

The only person who responds is Yoongi, whipping his head towards Andrew with a look of surprise. 

“He knows…Kim Namjoon.  I told him.  Right, Hoseok?  I told you he was an Ilsan Kim.  Filthy money and manipulative—”

Andrew doesn’t get to finish that thought.  Namjoon is on him within a second, landing a punching succinctly on his nose.  That sends Andrew reeling backwards into the kitchen.  Jin and Yoongi scream out, grabbing onto each other.  Hoseok covers his mouth to mute his reaction. 

“Filthy money?  Manipulative?”  Namjoon asks each question with a step towards Andrew who holds his nose as blood drips from the bottom of his hand.  His eyes are wide with fear, remembering who he’s provoked. 

“The money wasn’t filthy when you showed up on my grandfather’s doorstep to beg for it.”  Namjoon stops, crossing his arms over his chest.  “Manipulative, you say?”

Namjoon looks back at a confused Hoseok who is clasping his hands beneath his chin.  Staring back at Namjoon. 

When Namjoon turns back to Andrew, he asks: “when you were busy trying to turn Hoseok against me, using my family tree as a weapon, did you happen to tell him about your part in all this?  Your lies to my grandfather about becoming a part of the board.  Your lies to my entire family about branch operations in Canada.  Your deceit in playing both sides?  Getting the Hans involved in your scheme to rob my family.  Did you tell Hoseok about the identity of the marketing manager that you fucked during your marriage?  The one you left Hoseok for…did you tell him that person’s role in all this?”

Andrew’s eyes are full of anger as he continues to hold his bloodied nose.  Namjoon turns to Hoseok. 

“If this piece of trash told you I was an Ilsan Kim…yes, it’s true.  I am an Ilsan Kim, Hobi.  But, what this son of a bitch failed to relay was his part in getting mixed up with the Ilsan Kims in the first place.”  Shifting his gaze from Hoseok to Jin to Yoongi then Andrew and back to Hoseok, Namjoon continues. 

“Your husband, at the time, came to the doorstep of the Ilsan Kim family.  He weaved a very intricate story about expanding to Canada and having half the bill paid.  Needing a partner to pay the rest, he agreed to give partial ownership to my grandfather along with a seat on the board of Cho Holdings.  Very alluring deal, it was as your husband’s company had reported surprising growth for 3 years in a row.  What the Ilsan Kims didn’t know was that your husband didn’t come to our doorstep with innocent intentions.  He had already visited the Han Family.  At their request, Andrew hatched a plan to short the Ilsan Kims- getting them to pay for the Canada expansion.  He knowingly and willingly tried to double cross a mafia family with the help of marketing manager Han and the entire Han syndicate.” 

Namjoon turns to Andrew.  “While you were tattling about my family line, did you include your entire bedroom performance?”  Andrew looks up to Namjoon, sharply.  Looking to Hoseok, Andrew returns his death stare to Namjoon.

“What?  No come back?  I assume, then, that you didn’t tell Hoseok.  That your ‘affair’ that afternoon was all planned.  It wasn’t an accident that Hoseok walked in while you had your dick planted inside a Han.  That was all orchestrated.”  Namjoon smirks, shaking his head.  “Did you tell Hoseok how part of the deal you struck with the Han family included your divorce from Hoseok and your marriage to their heir?” 

Yoongi and Jin both gasp. 

Hoseok can only stare on in shock and embarrassment and pain as his ex-husband and current boyfriend tear each other apart.  Verbally- at present. 

“No?  You didn’t mention that bit to him, I bet.  That was why you were so…generous in the divorce settlement.  You had to give your ex-husband enough to build a new life and not ask for more.  Cause asking for more would have required legal proceedings and an investigation and the possible discovery of your leash now held by the Han family.” 

“You son of a bitch,” Andrew finally says, somewhat nasally.  Still holding his nose as less blood drips down from his hand. 

“Ah…judging by your response Andrew, I’m guessing you left that bit out.”

“None of that can erase the fact that you only pursued my ex-husband because of me.  You tailed a fragile, newly divorced man in an attempt to get closer to your target.  You played with Hoseok this entire time.  Using him to get to me.”  Andrew slowly pulls himself up, stumbling back a bit before landing-then-leaning against the fridge. 

“Don’t flatter yourself, Andrew.  I’m not the only one who tailed you.  We have so many more eyes and ears on site- all having gathered enough information to book you for embezzlement and fraud,” Namjoon says with a chuckle.  “You pride yourself on being one step ahead when every single decision you’ve made after your divorce proves you’re at least 5 steps behind.”

“Fuck you.  You don’t know shit,” Andrew says, pissed that Namjoon has struck a nerve.  “Hoseok, you have to trust me.  I wouldn’t lie about this—”

Much to everyone’s surprise, it’s not Namjoon who gives Andrew a second punch to the face. 

It’s Yoongi.

Moving quickly and catching Namjoon off guard as he passes by, Yoongi is quick to get to Andrew in the kitchen.  Punching him in the eye (since his nose is covered) and knocking him flat on his back. 

“You’re a fucking piece of shit.  Trust you?  My best friend should trust you?  Trust that you won’t lie?”  Yoongi kicks Andrew in the thigh as Hoseok is frozen in place while Jin aids his husband with getting the man to his feet.  Namjoon smiling with his hands on hips. 

“You…are…never…ever…welcomed…in…my house…again.”  Jin huffs as he drags Andrew by the collar towards the exit.  “If…you ever…come back here…again…or bother Hoseok…I will fucking gut you…like a mammoth.”  Jin opens the door, tosses Andrew out on his ass in the high-rise hallway and slams the door closed. 

Appearing around the door way, Jin huffs while he turns on the faucet.  “Come here…you’ve got…a little blood on your knuckle,” Jin says to Namjoon.  Yoongi springs into action, getting Clorox wipes to address the little blood splatter on their floor.  Hoseok stays rooted to where he is. 

Everyone but Hoseok is in motion, trying to address the interruption to their dinner. 

“I’m sorry.  I invited him over,” Jin says aloud, intending to address everyone but looking up at Namjoon.  “He said he had unfinished business—”

“Well, that wasn’t a lie.  Right?”  Namjoon smiles at Jin who shakes his head, passing a hand towel to Namjoon. 

“An Ilsan Kim…in our house.  Eating my kimchi jjigae,” says Yoongi, before chuckling.  “I’m super surprised.  Although, I must say…Hoseok, you don’t seem surprised.  Is it true?  Did Andrew tell you before he came over?”

All eyes turn to Hoseok: Yoongi questioning, Jin- worrisome and Namjoon with concern. 

“He did…he told me earlier.”

Namjoon and Hoseok’s eyes hold.  “Why didn’t you tell me?  Hoseok, I will never lie to you.  I…may not always present information I know but I will never hide the truth from you.”

Hoseok is overcome with hurt and anger.  A spark of pain that just sets all other emotions on fire. 

Hoseok laughs, coldly.  “Really?  You will answer honestly, if I ask?”

Jin and Yoongi tense up, knowing that look in Hoseok’s eyes.  Namjoon’s brow creases, trying to determine Hoseok’s current state of emotion.

“In that case, since we’re all being honest here, I only have two questions for you.”  Hoseok gulps, trying to steel himself against his own feelings.  “First, the Kim-Paik engagement.” 

Namjoon’s eyes zero in on Hoseok, “how did you know about that?”

Hoseok wants to cry.  Instead, he digs his fingernails deeper into his palm.  “Judging by your reaction…I don’t need to ask.”

“Hoseok, how do you know—”

“DON’T!  It’s my turn to ask questions.”  Hoseok can’t maintain eye contact with Namjoon when he shouts, looking at the floor.  “Second question.  And it is my last.”

Taking a deep breath, Hoseok looks up to find Namjoon staring back at him.  Holding himself back, staying against the kitchen counter to give Hoseok space.  Meanwhile, Jin and Yoongi have moved towards the opposite counter, opting to stay in the kitchen while giving Namjoon some space. 

“Did…were you…instructed to tail me?”

“Hoseok—”

“Please, just answer the question Namjoon.

“Hoseok, that’s not what I wanted—”

“Please.  Please.  PLEASE…” Hoseok’s lip quivers at the answer he can feel is coming.  “Were you instructed…to tail me?”

“Hoseok, giving a one-word response—”

“JUST…PLEASE…answer the question, Namjoon” Hoseok asks, tears filling his eyes as he looks at the floor again.  “Answer the question.”

A silent minute ticks by.  Every second is loud and heavy and filled with stuttered exhales. 

“Yes…Hoseok.  Early on, last year, I…was assigned to watch and tail you.  To…glean what I could from your connection to…to Andrew.” 

Hoseok nods, rapidly blinking.  Fighting the tears that want to spill. 

“Yoongi…please give Namjoon his coat.  He should be on his way now,” says Hoseok, softly. 

With soft shuffled steps, Yoongi does as asked.  The entire time, Hoseok keeps his eyes on the floor- not wanting to show the emotion on his face.  Namjoon keeps his eyes trained on Hoseok, watching the man’s eyelids flap as rapidly as a bird’s wings.  And Jin can only look on, from one to the other- aware of the heavy emotion that suffocates the air. 

“Here you go, Namjoon” Yoongi says, holding up Namjoon’s coat. 

“Hobi,” Namjoon starts.  “That day we met at the museum- it was coincidence.  I never planned it that way.  I had no intention of ever crossing your path so…visibly.  When you came to the museum after dinner that one night, I knew—”

“Good night, Kim Namjoon.”  Hoseok whispers it but its enough to stop Namjoon from talking.  Not wanting to cause further damage to the evening, Namjoon accepts his coat from Yoongi.  He bows to Yoongi and Jin before taking one last look at Hoseok.  Then he departs.

“Hoseokah…” 

Jin wants to comfort his cousin but he can only look on as tears continue to fall from Hoseok’s face. 

Hoseok is frozen.  So still that Jin is convinced that he’ll splinter if he touches him.  So, he calls out to him instead. 

“Seok…are you ok?”

Yoongi pulls on Jin’s sleeve, accepting a hug when he offers. 

“Little Seok, are you angry with me,” Jin asks.

Hoseok shakes his head, finally moving from his rooted position.  Tears fall down his pinkened cheeks as he looks back at the dinner table.  Hoseok pushes his chair inward, then Namjoon’s chair.  As he reaches for the plates, Yoongi cuts him off. 

“Its ok, its ok Seokah, I’ll clean up.  It’s been a long day for you.  You should focus on resting, yeah?”

“Little Seok,” Jin calls again as Hoseok steps away from the dining table to give Yoongi space.  “Are you ok?”

Hoseok looks up at him with tears still falling. 

“Am I ok?”  Hoseok’s lip quivers as he speaks.  “My ex-husband had an affair in our bed with the intent of being caught by me to prompt a divorce.”  Hoseok’s sad smile is accompanied by a head shake.  “And how do I follow that up?  I date the son of a prominent mafia family who was assigned to tail me because of said-husband.” 

Hoseok cries, looking up at the ceiling.  “God you guys, I sure know how to pick ‘em.  Cream of the crop, right?”  The deflated look on Hoseok’s face along with the tear streaks prompt Jin and Yoongi to reach out to Hoseok at the same time. 

“No…No…I’m…I’m fine.  I need- I need to be alone,” Hoseok says, lips still quivering when he speaks.  “I’m sorry for the evening.  And, I’m thankful for dinner.”

Hoseok excuses himself to his room, shutting the door and locking it.  He climbs into bed, just sitting on the duvet as the city lights stream in.  And he cries. 

Hurt from the man who he married.  Who swore to love him for a life time, not just 12 years. 

Hurt from the man who seemed too good to be true because he was.  Who made him feel like his life beyond the divorce was an adventure just waiting to be explored. 

Hurt from the fact that he had opened himself up to these people.  Spending 12 years with a man that left him for another.  Spending 7 months with a man that reminded him of what love could feel like…because it was part of his job. 

Hoseok pulls his masked horse teddy bear against his chest, blinking in the dark. 

“Let’s go away, Jung Hoseok.  Let’s go far away.  Where no one can hurt us.”

-

- -

-

{6 months later}

“Bye Mr. Jung.” 

Hoseok turns to see little Jeremy waving at him from afar.  Hoseok waves back, now accustomed to all the kids in the school.  It’s been almost 5 months since he moved to Longview, Washington.  Operating on a work visa that only has 3 months left, Hoseok is working as an Arts teacher at one of the smaller elementary schools. 

He slowly stacks all of the tight-lidded paint jars, letting the paint brushes stay in warm water.  He tacks a few art pieces on the wall and laughs at the mountain of semi-dried out playdoh left behind by the first graders.  Hoseok stops at the window facing the playfield.  He has a moment to take it in: the gray, overcast October day. 

Longview and Seoul have some similarities and many differences.  For sure, one difference is the weather: Longview has a lot more rain this time of the year.  Though the seasons are the same across the ocean, the small American town is basically dark by the time Hoseok gets home now that autumn is in full swing.  And the town is such a change of pace from bustling Seoul.  But that’s what Hoseok wanted: to get away to something different. 

Three weeks after the dinner incident with Andrew and Namjoon, Hoseok applied and was accepted for a teaching work visa in the US.  Tae had pulled some strings with a few friends to get Hoseok to teach art to elementary school kids for half of a school year.  It was the escape that Hoseok needed.  His resolve against Kim Namjoon wasn’t gonna hold if he didn’t uproot himself from Seoul when he did. 

In the days that passed before he left Seoul, Hoseok felt like every moment was closer to the edge of him giving in.  Closer to running straight to the museum to bust down Kim Namjoon’s door and throw himself at the muscular man. 

Everything just felt right when he was with Kim Namjoon.  Home, that is what Hoseok felt when was in his arms.  When Namjoon would wrap him up during cold nights.  When he would fall asleep with popcorn in his lap, drooling on Namjoon’s chest.  When he would shower at Namjoon’s and scream his head off for body wash- only for Namjoon to join him in the shower. 

Namjoon felt like Home.

And Hoseok remind himself every day that it was a false home.  It wasn’t love at first sight.  As usual, Hoseok’s heart squeezes even more on these overcast days.  Imagining that somewhere in Seoul, Kim Namjoon was probably waking up to a Paik fiancé- making them Hoseok’s favorite: blueberry pancakes. 

Knock, knock.

“Hey Hoseok.”

“Hi Anna,” Hoseok says to the over-friendly kindergarten teacher. 

“How was your day,” she asks, sauntering in with a smile.

“Great.  The kids are great, as always,” Hoseok manages.  He’s still polishing his English skills.

“Nice, nice.  Well, anyway- I wanted to know if you wanted to grab some pizza after work.  Me and some of the other single teachers were going to stop by that new pizza place in town.  You should come,” she says, licking her lips.

Hoseok sighs inwardly.  “I can’t.  I’m sorry.  I have plans with my neighbor.”

“Oh, that’s ok.  I just…thought I would throw the offer out there,” Anna smiles, backing pedaling slowly.  “If you change your mind in the future, let me know.  I can join you for pizza after hours.  Just us two.” 

She smiles once more before leaving the room.  Hoseok eye rolls and quickly gathers his belongings to head home.  He doesn’t want her to come back with ideas- especially since he is still refining his English to a point where he can give her a proper turn-down.

Hoseok gets hit on quite a lot which makes him laugh since they’re 98% women.  But it also makes him think of Namjoon.  Things Namjoon would say, would do.  The way Namjoon would pull him into a back-hug whenever Namjoon felt like people were eyeing his prize.  He misses the possessive way Namjoon would hold his hip- and how Hoseok always wanted Namjoon’s hands to go lower, squeeze harder. 

After leaving work then pulling into his drive way, Hoseok walks thru his front door just as the overcast day darkens even more, making the 5pm hour seem more like 8pm.  He turns on the living room and kitchen lights of his small house.  It’s a cozy 2-bedroom, 2 bath rental that Tae helped him pick out.  It was the perfect size and even better: it had a fireplace.   One that was sufficiently stocked and used thanks to Hoseok’s neighbors. 

An hour later, Hoseok is showered and cooking spam-and-kimchi fried rice as his fireplace roars.  He’s got a Korea-ballad playlist on low volume as the rain falls heavily outside.  The occasional sound of thunder catching Hoseok off guard.

Ding, ding, ding.

Hoseok turns the stove top off, wiping his hands on a dish cloth.  “Coming” he shouts.  It’s probably the neighbor, thinks Hoseok.

The last person he expects to see when he opens his front door is Kim Namjoon.  And yet, there he stands: a thin black coat zipped up with black slacks and black boots.  All of it: drenched. 

“K…Kim Namjoon,” Hoseok breathlessly whispers. 

“H-Hoseok,” Namjoon says with a shiver. 

“Oh, sorry.  Come in, come in.  It’s pouring out there!”  Hoseok opens the door wider, sliding to the side of the entry way to give Namjoon space to enter.  Namjoon takes off his black boots, trying to have less water leak onto Hoseok’s hardwood floors. 

Hoseok takes Namjoon’s boots and puts them on the shoe rack to dry.  He does the same for Namjoon’s pathetic excuse of a coat- leaving Namjoon in his white button up dress shirt and slacks. 

“Come on, you need to warm yourself by the fire,” Hoseok says, hesitating to take Namjoon by the hand.  He wants to but he fights the urge- opting to lead Namjoon to the living room.  Hoseok pulls up a chair by the fire, making Namjoon sit before he rushes off to his bedroom. 

He takes five long breaths in the privacy of his room.  Trying to get ahold of the shock that has rattled him from receiving his unexpected guest.  He looks so good wet, Hoseok thinks- removing the duvet from his own bed.  Quickly, Hoseok rushes back to the living room to see Namjoon putting his hands closer to the fire, trying to get warm. 

“I…brought a blanket for you.  I probably should have brought a towel instead…” Hoseok says, slightly turning to the hallway as he second-guesses himself. 

“The blanket should be fine,” Namjoon rushes to reply, not wanting Hoseok to leave the room. 

Hoseok offers a small smile before nodding.  He airs out the blanket behind Namjoon, wanting to make sure he covers the man completely.  Hoseok kneels down to unite the corners of the blanket around Namjoon’s shoulders and at the base of Namjoon’s throat.  He has to stare at his own fingers to make sure he doesn’t act on impulse. 

“I can make you some tea-”

“Hobi.”

Hoseok’s hands are stilled by Namjoon’s cold fingers.  The playlist in the background can’t be heard over Hoseok’s accelerated heartbeats.  Even in his anger and hurt, even now, Hoseok wants Namjoon.  And that want is painful.  To have Kim Namjoon in his living room, saying his name like he misses him…

Namjoon slowly tips Hoseok’s chin upwards, finally getting a chance to stare into those beautifully honest eyes.  Namjoon had tried to wrap things up with his family, the Paik engagement and Cho Holdings immediately after that dinner fight.  But it dragged on.  The Paiks wanted movement on the marriage arrangements and the Han family were already distancing themselves from Cho Andrew.  Before he knew it, months had passed and Jung Hoseok had already left the country.

Jin had been a hard sell- not giving any information about Hoseok’s whereabouts.  Yoongi, on the other hand, was a much easier case of persuasion.  Aided by the fact that Yoongi trusted that Namjoon was a good person who actually loved Hoseok.  Both required the full, truthful declaration of Namjoon’s intentions.  Intentions that he traveled over 5,000 miles to declare to a man that he dated for less than a year but was beyond determined to win back. 

“Hobi, I’m sorry it took me forever to get here,” Namjoon says, staring down at Hoseok-who has lowered his head.  “I…I…”  Because Hoseok’s gaze never strays upwards, Namjoon gently tips Hoseok’s chin with index finger, again.  And once Hoseok is looking back at him, eye to eye, Namjoon is able to take in the face that had lived in his dreams for the last 6 months. 

Supple lips, a defined jaw line, a perfect nose and feather-like eyelashes.  It’s the look in Hoseok’s eyes that takes the cake.  The mixture of hurt and hesitation and if Namjoon had to guess- hope. 

“I missed you.”  Namjoon didn’t plan to lead with that but it’s all he’s left with.  It took him less than an hour to fall in love with Jung Hoseok in person.  It took him less than two months to fall in LOVE-LOVE with Jung Hoseok- beyond the external beauty and what he had known about him in relation to the man’s ex-husband.  It took him less than 6 months to know that he had found what he had not even been looking for: his equal, his partner.  A love worth breaking all his own rules for. 

And it took less than 30 days of being out of touch with Jung Hoseok to make Namjoon realize that he had fallen in love with a man that he wanted in his life, long-term.  A man worth chasing around the world. 

“J-Joon.  Why…how are you even here right now?”  Hoseok can’t hide the breathlessness in his voice.  He knows he can’t hide the emotions in his eyes either.  He had spent a few months in anger then sadness then angry disappointment over a marriage that had consumed a third of his life.  In the first couple months of dating Namjoon, he had been conflicted over whether it was ok to move on so quickly from his divorce.  Six months in, Hoseok had thrown societal opinions and his own worries out the window by actually moving on with a relationship with Namjoon.  Not wanting to let memories of his cheating ex-husband suck any more time or joy from his life. 

And it took Jung Hoseok less than four months without Namjoon to realize that he had fallen deeper in love than he realized.  When he closed his eyes and cried at night, it was because he felt betrayed by Kim Namjoon. 

When he closed his eyes and cried at night, it was because he felt disappointed in himself and the fact that he was easy enough to fall for a man who probably wouldn’t have given him a second thought if it wasn’t assigned to him. 

When he closed his eyes and cried at night, it was because there were parts of him that still wanted Namjoon.  Parts of him that wanted the laughter that came so easily, the conversations between them that made Hoseok feel valued and appreciated.  The moments where they would just exist in comfortable silence with each other, reading or taking a walk or admiring art.  Namjoon helped Hoseok explore the parts of himself that he had locked away, bit by bit, during his marriage.  Pieces that made Hoseok, Hoseok.  Not some trophy husband who number-crunched. 

If Hoseok is being honest, he wouldn’t have taken a job as an art teacher for 6 months at a school in a foreign country…if it had not been for Namjoon.  Even this, his escape from Seoul, was owed to the man sitting in front of him.

“I have a whole speech in my head.  A whole…words jumbled together to explain everything to you.  Everything.  But the short of it is…I missed you.  So much,” Namjoon leans in to kiss Hoseok.  Hoseok is almost sucked in until a shot of reality forces him to stand up.  Breaking the moment.

“I…should make tea.  You need it,” Hoseok whispers, walking back to the kitchen, robotically. 

He gives his head a good shake before filling his electric kettle.  He grabs two mugs and a jar of assorted tea bags.  Pulling out mint tea for himself and green tea for Namjoon.  Six minutes later, he’s carrying two hot mugs into the living room.  Gently setting them on the coffee table. 

During that time, Namjoon has unbuttoned his white shirt, removed his socks and slicked back his hair.  God, he looks good, Hoseok thinks.  Taking a seat next to Namjoon on the couch.

They sit in silence for a minute.  Namjoon taking in Hobi’s side profile with the help of fire light and dim living room lighting.  Hoseok, meanwhile, can feel Namjoon’s gaze- choosing to stare at the brewing tea in front of them or down at his own hands. 

“You left.  Before I could even explain…you left,” Namjoon says, finally pulling Hoseok’s attention.  “The night of the dinner, the confrontation with Andrew- you never let me explain afterwards.  You didn’t answer my texts or my calls or my voicemails.  You made Jin answer the door twice when I showed up in-person.”  Namjoon pauses at Hoseok’s shaky breath.

“Joon…Namjoon, I don’t think we have anything else we could possibly say to each other.”  Hoseok looks up at Namjoon- trying not to be hypnotized by the way his wet hair falls to the side of his head.  Or the way his calm eyes seem almost black.  Or the way his throat gleams from the firelight. 

“I disagree.  We lack clarity,” Namjoon responds.

“Namjoon-”

“Please, Hoseok.  Please.  If there is anything that I think we need right now, more than anything else, it’s clarity,” Namjoon pleads.  “You…were led to believe things about me that you never gave me a chance to address.  Never gave me a chance to defend.  And, when I finally had a chance to break away and fully focus on us…you had already left the country.  Please, give me this.”

In the months that they had spent together, Namjoon never pushed for anything.  If Hoseok wanted to slow things down or not discuss things or make date decisions, Namjoon never put up a fight.  So, Hoseok can’t deny him this request.  He nods at Namjoon, remaining quiet. 

“So many things were said that night.  By me, by Andrew.  And not all of them true.  At least from Andrew’s mouth,” Namjoon says.  He turns fully to Hoseok, clenching his hands in his lap to keep them from straying to Hoseok’s thighs. 

“First of all: the tail on Andrew.  Yes.  Yes, I was instructed to tail Andrew prior to meeting you.  Which means that yes- I had seen a picture of you before that day you first walked into the museum.  When my family first asked me to take over some of the investigative work on Andrew, it involved tailing you.”  Hoseok looks from Namjoon’s face to his own closed fists, a wave of stupidity washing over him. 

“However, by the time I was brought on to tail you, it was merely a couple weeks before you caught Andrew in bed with his Han spy.  Honestly, we were never supposed to meet.  NEVER!  Once I had known that the divorce was finalized and that Andrew was single, I wrote you off in the follow up.  Other pieces of the puzzle in our investigation pushed you outside of our scope.  It was part of my assignment to know about your divorce- not to meet you.”  Namjoon licks his lips before continuing: “My name is Kim Namjoon, grandson of Kim Sejin who currently leads the Ilsan Kim organization.  But I’m not in line to inherit that leadership.  My job as Director of two different museums are not a lie or a cover up.  I earned a master’s degree that deals specifically in museology.  Art, nature and music are my passions.  And on the side, I assist or advise in the family business.  That is all true.” 

Namjoon takes a pause before continuing, still looking Hoseok in the eye- trying to maintain his gaze.  “That day you walked in was the first time I had ever seen you in person.  I knew you from first sight because of the picture I had seen before.  But it didn’t do you justice.  Your face, your light…your look of enchantment upon seeing the exhibition…that is what pulled me in.  What made me step out to you, to reveal myself to you.  To…follow my curiosity.” 

“Then, when I met you…again and again…I just felt pulled in by you even more.  I wanted to…see you every day.  I wanted to hear you laugh every day.  Before I knew it, I was making excuses for being at the art museum more often than needed.  I would even go in on my days off just to see if you’d drop by,” Namjoon nervously laughs. 

He takes a deep breath before continuing: “I had Cho Andrew followed already by three other guards.  I had an entry-level IT guy on the inside at his HQ.  I had his office bugged.  There was no reason for me to follow or investigate you.  I…I already knew how things had spiraled downwards between you two because I was investigating all of Andrew’s illicit behavior in the marketing department.”

Namjoon sighs, “You were off the radar, technically speaking.  I did tail Andrew- yes, that’s true.  But the time we spent together; it was not because of him.  When I asked you to come back to the museum, I meant it.  Because I wanted to see you.  I wanted to get to know you.  And soon after, I wanted you all the time.  By my side, in my life, in my bed, within reach.  I Love You, Jung Hoseok.  Not because of my investigation of your ex-husband, but because you, Jung Hoseok: you’re incredible.  You’re kind and feisty and funny and brilliant.  And every time I stood closer to your warmth, I felt light enough to fly alongside you.”

Hoseok sighs, not trusting his voice to respond.  Namjoon takes the silence as a sign that he can continue. 

“The second issue that needs clarity: the Paik engagement.”  Hoseok visibly flinches at Namjoon’s words. 

“This is a much easier point to address,” Namjoon smiles.  “I told you that I am not set to inherit the grand seat.  The family heir, so to speak, has already been announced.  It was done a few years back.”

Hoseok’s gaze finds its way back to Namjoon’s eyes as the man continues.  “Kim Jungkook is my cousin- my mother’s brother’s son.  He’s a good kid with a smart knack for business and a ruthless streak when betrayed.  He’s being ‘educated’ by my grandfather and a few others to lead in a decade or so.  Anyway, he and I- we’re close.  Very close.  We spent 70% of our childhoods together.  Being older than him, I took him under my wing as my younger brother.  The trust we have, that closeness is what my grandfather has been trying to get me to use to sway Jungkook’s position on his marriage.   His arranged marriage to a Paik heir with lots of money and international connections.”

Hoseok sucks in his breathe, not realizing how much he had forgotten to use his own lungs. 

“I have been the only one with any luck trying to get Jungkook to understand the benefits of the arranged marriage.  Hell, we’re at a stage where we’re just trying to get JK to call the man fiancé.  It’s been tough…at least for me.  Since I’m doing all the convincing on my own.”  Namjoon smiles.  “So no, I am not engaged.  I already have a boyfriend named Jung Hoseok.  But yes, there is a Kim-Paik engagement that we hope to move towards a marriage ceremony some time in the next two years.  Assuming JK will bend.”

Hoseok’s silent chuckle slowly turns into him laughing in his hands.  Embarrassment and relief and more embarrassment floods his entire body.  God, I moved an ocean away for this.  Jung Hoseok, are you fucking kidding, he thinks.  Laughing in more disbelief with his face covered. 

“Hoseok,” Namjoon says, his voice much closer than before.  He smiles as he tries to pry Hoseok’s hands from his face.  “You’re all red,” Namjoon smiles, cupping Hoseok’s jaw to make their eyes meet. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Hoseok says, a small break in his voice.  “I…I don’t regret leaving.  Just so you know.  I…I made a decision based on the information I had-”

“Then its my fault for not having this conversation with you sooner,” Namjoon says, leaning in closer. 

“No!  No, it’s not your fault.  It’s Andrew’s fault,” Hoseok says, not wanting his Namjoon to take the blame. 

“Hmm…you’re right.  It’s Andrew’s fault.  That asshole,” Namjoon says with a smirk, his exhaled breath ghosting Hoseok’s lips. 

“Yeah, fuck face,” Hoseok says with a smile, basking in the warmth of Namjoon. 

“Yeah, that dick head,” Namjoon says as he bumps the tips of their noses together. 

“That bitch monkey,” Hoseok responds right before their lips meet.  Their kiss is slow but long.  Lips hugging one another, tongues sliding to and fro.  A damp Namjoon pulls Hoseok closer to him, gaining better access to the man’s mouth. 

Namjoon takes his time sliding his tongue deeper into Hoseok.  His hands glide up and down Hoseok’s thighs.  Whimpers, light hair pulling, caressing Hoseok’s neck to anchor him in place.  It’s all hot desire and sexual tension being released. 

“We need to get you out of these wet clothes,” says Hoseok, when their lips momentarily break away. 

“Yeah, we need to get you out of these wet clothes,” echoes Namjoon, stamping more kisses along Hoseok’s jaw line. 

“My clothes are not wet,” smiles Hoseok, bending his head side ways to give Namjoon access. 

“Right.  Sorry.  We need to get you out of your clothes,” Namjoon says.  Making Hoseok’s throat rumble with a laugh just as he kisses his way further down.

“C’mon, you’ll get sick,” Hoseok smiles.  He stands up only to turn to a seated Namjoon to extend his hand.  Namjoon’s already bursting heart starts to overflow, staring up at the man that he knew would be his forever.  Taking the offer, Namjoon clasps Hoseok’s hand and gets to his feet.  Shedding the blanket that was around his shoulders. 

Hoseok starts to lead him to the bedroom as Namjoon asks: “what’s a bitch monkey?”

Hoseok laughs.  “I don’t know.  I saw it on TikTok.  Some of the other older kids use it to insult one another when they think I’m not listening.” 

“A bitch monkey,” Namjoon ponders as Hoseok laughs. 

“C’mon Director,” Hoseok says with blushing smile, pushing Kim Namjoon into his master bath.  “Clothes off.  And stop biting your lip at me!”