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“Hey Buck, what you doin’?” Eddie asked casually, despite the fact that it very much looked like his best friend was trying to break into his locker whilst the rest of the firehouse was sleeping.
“I’m late for work.” Buck replied, not even bothering to look at Eddie, eyes still firmly focused on the task in front of him, even though he was making little progress. “I can’t be late again, Bobby’ll fire me.”
“Er Buck, you okay there buddy?” Eddie took a tentative step further into the locker room as he continued, “we’re at the firehouse right now? Did you hit your head or something on that last call?”
“No,” Buck scoffed, still totally preoccupied with the seemingly impossible task of breaking into Eddie’s locker. “No, I’m at my house, and if I don’t get my stuff and get out of here soon I’m gonna be out of a job.”
Eddie couldn’t help but notice as he got closer that although Buck’s words were becoming ever more frantic, his movements remained calm, almost slow, completely at odds with the panic in his voice about being late for work.
“Well good luck with that one because you’re trying to break into my locker!”
“What?” Buck finally turned around at that, a look of confusion crossing his face, as he scrunched his brow. Eddie couldn’t help but notice that the usual bright spark in Buck's eyes was missing, they were vacant and glassy. It took him a couple of seconds before he realised where he’d seen that look before, Buck was sleepwalking.
It wasn’t a regular thing but Eddie had caught him before trying to make pancakes at 4 in the morning whilst the rest of the team slept. Usually it was after they’d had a particularly stressful call, but today had probably been one of the easiest 24 hour shifts they’d had in a long while.
Clearly he took too long to respond to Buck because he didn’t wait for an answer, just huffed, before starting to walk away, back out towards the gym.
Eddie had learnt after the first time that it happened that waking a sleepwalker was a bad idea, it had ended with him having a black eye, and Buck being very close to taking a tumble down the first station stairs. He’d gone away to research it after that, learning that the best thing to do with a sleepwalker, as long as they weren’t in danger, was to just let them go about doing whatever it was they thought they were doing.
Which is why he found himself following Buck into the gym, careful to keep a distance between them so as not to startle him. He wouldn’t intervene unless absolutely necessary. If Buck wanted to go for a run on the treadmill, that didn’t seem too dangerous, but on the other hand Buck liked to lift weights, especially when he was stressed, and Eddie did not want to even consider the chances of Buck getting injured if he decided to try sleep lifting.
Thankfully he was spared from having to worry about either activities as Buck simply plopped himself down on the bench dejectedly, before burying his face in his hands.
Buck groaned before muttering to himself, “Why does it always have to be so complicated? He huffed a little laugh, before continuing, obviously now completely oblivious to Eddie’s presence. “Yeah, because how would that conversation go, oh by the way Eddie…”
Eddie tried and failed to stifle the small gasp that escaped his lips at the mention of his name. Whatever it was that had Buck wound up enough to be sleepwalking tonight had nothing to do with a call, but rather to do with him, and he wouldn’t mind admitting that it hurt a little.
As far as he was concerned he and Buck were good, in fact they were better than good, after everything with the lawsuit and Eddie’s fighting he hadn’t been sure they would ever get back what they once had, but he’d been wrong. Not only had they got their friendship back, but it was stronger than ever, he couldn’t possibly imagine what it was about him that had Buck so on edge.
“Buck?” Eddie stepped forward tentatively, not wanting to startle him, as he sat once again with his head in his hands.
Buck’s head snapped up at the mention of his name, but the glassy look in his eyes remained, letting Eddie know that he may have his attention right now, but it wasn’t his fully conscious attention, he’d had to step carefully. He didn’t want to push Buck into telling him something that he wasn’t ready to tell him, but at the same time, he knew very well from experience that Buck tended to keep everything bottled up inside, either until he’d completely repressed it, or it exploded in his face. If he could just get some idea of what was wrong he could broach the subject with him later, when he was fully aware of what he was saying and doing.
“Hi.” Buck replied, he was looking at Eddie but it was kind of creepy, like he wasn’t really seeing him.
“Everything okay?” Eddie tried, not really sure how to go about this.
“Yeah.” Buck replied quickly, his usual go to response already on his lips, even when he was asleep. He took a breath then before adding, “No. Can I tell you something?”
“Of course,” Eddie replied, taking a tentatively slow step forwards closer to Buck. “What’s bothering you?”
Buck ran a hand through his already sleep ruffled hair, and Eddie couldn’t stop but think how adorable he looked, with it sticking up at odd angles, the look of nervousness on his face.
“Okay, but it’s really personal, so you have to promise me that you won’t tell Eddie.”
Eddie suddenly felt like a deer trapped in the headlights. Buck was about to tell him what was bothering him without much probing, great, that had been easier then expected, but he was only going to tell him because he had no clue who he was actually talking to. Of course he could listen to what Buck had to say, then tomorrow pretend that he didn’t know anything, and try to weedle it out of him, but that would be betraying the trust that Buck was currently showing him, even if he didn’t know it was him. He couldn’t help but feel that he would be taking advantage of Bucks current state, and that was just not something he was willing to do. Whatever it was he’d get it out of Buck when he was fully conscious, not like this.
“Buck, I don’t…”
“I’m in love with Eddie.” Buck blurted out, eyes darting around him as though looking for some invisible force that might strike him down out of nowhere for this admission that he’d obviously been carrying for a while. “But you have to promise not to tell him, I can’t, our friendship means too much to me.”
“Oh.” Was all Eddie could manage, because of all the scenarios he had running round in his head, Buck telling him that he loved him had certainly not been one of them. What did he even do with this information? It’s not like Eddie hadn’t thought about Buck in that way, and boy didn’t that scare the life out of him. He’d always thought of himself as completely straight until he’d met Buck, and the lines had begun to blur, before being completely erased.
But he’d never acted on it, he’d never even considered that Buck might be bi, he’d never mentioned it. All the stories of Buck 1.0 had involved women, never even hint that there might be something more.
And Buck, he’d tried to stop him before he’d blurted it out, but it was done now, Eddie knew, but Buck didn’t know that Eddie knew. He also knew that when Buck woke up in the morning, there was no way that Eddie was going to be able to hide this, Buck could read him like an open book. There would be no hiding from him, and then he’d have to reveal what he knew and how he knew, and he could just see the whole situation spirally, especially once the rest of the 118 got involved.
Not that they wouldn’t be happy for them, if anything were to come of it, but well, let’s just say they could be a little annoying and perhaps overenthusiastic sometimes when it came to each other's personal lives. He knew they all meant well, but sometimes it was just too much.
He had to stop overthinking this. The facts were that Buck was in love with him, he was pretty sure that he was in love with Buck, and only one of them knew that they both felt the same, so it seemed pretty logical that he’d have to be the one to make the first move. Not tonight of course, Eddie would never dream of making a move on Buck whilst he was semi-conscious. He’d wait until the morning, when they were both fully awake, before he had time to second guess himself. He just hoped that Buck would feel the same about him tomorrow as he did right now.
He realised that he must have been sitting there for a while when he felt Buck shift next to him, standing for the bench without a word, before walking straight past him and back towards the bunk. Clearly his revelation hadn’t had quite the same impact on him as it had Eddie.
Eddie followed just in case, but he was relieved to see that Buck was once again tucked safely back in his bunk, snoring away as though nothing had happened. He briefly considered joining him, not in the same bunk, but back to his own, when he realised that there was no way he was going to be getting anymore sleep tonight, and that he would likely wake the rest of the team with his insomniac tossing and turning as his brain worked overtime on what the hell he was gonna do.
--
“Eddie? What are you doing out here so early?” Bobby asked as he landed the last couple of steps up to the loft. “Wow, you look terrible, did you get any sleep?”
Eddie huffed, “Thanks cap, way to make a guy feel better.” He deliberately didn’t answer Bobby’s question, hoping that he would just let it go, too busy getting the breakfast ready for the team.
Unfortunately for him, letting things go wasn’t really Bobby’s style, especially when it involved one of his team. “Something bothering you?” He probed again, whilst busying himself with pulling pots and pans for the cupboards.
Eddie must have zoned out for a second or two because was no longer milling around the kitchen, instead he was levelling him with a gaze that said he wasn’t going to let this drop.
“Eddie sighed, fingers playing with a loose thread he’d found on the cuff of his jacket. “Not really something, more like someone.”
“Christopher?” Bobby queried gently.
“Oh no, Chris is fine. He’s great actually, doing great at school, he’s having his first sleepover next week, which reminds me I need to ask Buck… Um, yeah, I just need to speak to Buck.”
“Ah” Bobby replied, a small smile curving on his lips, “so it’s Buck that’s bothering you. Care to share, I’m pretty good at keeping secrets when needed.”
Eddie considered it for a few moments, before deciding that actually, of all the people in the 118, Bobby was the one that had known Buck the best for the longest, maybe he’d be able to give him some insight into Buck before he’d arrived, if maybe there had been mentioned of guys in Bucks past the Eddie just didn’t know about.
“Actually Bobby, there is something. I found Buck sleepwalking last night and he…”
Eddie didn’t get to finish his sentence, because he was interrupted by Buck bouncing up the stairs, a grin on his face a mile long, exuding way more energy then he had any right too, considering his nocturnal ramblings.
“Morning Cap, Eddie.” He couldn’t help but notice the look that passed between the two men. “Did I interrupt something?” He held up his hands, edging his way back towards the stairs, “Because I can leave, and come back when you’re done.”
“No!” Eddie hadn’t meant to shout it, but he’d been thinking about this for the last several hours, and he knew that if he didn’t get this done now, he’d end up backing out and who knew how long it would be before Buck felt ready enough to admit his own feelings.
“Okay.” Buck stopped moving, eyeing Eddie warily at the sudden outburst. “You okay man, you look a little,” his fingers played through the air as he tried to come up with a nicer way of saying that Eddie looked terrible. He settled for “frazzled.”
Eddie blew out a breath, stuffing his hands in his pockets to try and hide the fact that they were shaking. He looked to Bobby, who was busy bustling about in the kitchen, trying his best to not look like he was listening to their conversation, and Eddie thought about asking him to give them a minute, he was going to, but instead he blurted out, “I love you too Buck.”
He knew that Bobby had heard his sudden confession as there was the sound of a dropped glass smashing against the floor. His eyes though were fully focused on Buck, who currently looked like a fish out of water, mouth opening and closing, whilst his eyes shifted nervously, trying to look anywhere but at Eddie.
“Wait, what do you mean too?” Buck eyed him suspiciously. Of course that would be the one part of that sentence he would latch on to.
Eddie couldn’t help but feel a little guilty as he revealed how Buck had outed himself last night whilst sleepwalking, before being clear that nothing happened, and that he had in fact tried to stop Buck from talking, but they all knew that was impossible.
“Okay, well that was not how I wanted you to find out. I’m sorry man, I mean, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make this awkward between us. I know you're straight and everything, and I would never have acted on it I just…”
Buck was pulled from his rambling by Bobby coughing pointedly behind him. He turned to glare at the older man for interrupting before Bobby cut in with, “I’m pretty sure he said he loves you too, Buck.”
“Who loves Buck too?” Hen questioned as he reached the top of the stairs, arriving just in time, but of course.
“I do.” Eddie lifted his chin confidently, before taking a step closer to Buck. “I am madly in love with Evan Buckley, and I hope that his semi-conscious sleepwalking confession last night was actually all true and he loves me too.”
Buck stood immobile for a few seconds, and Eddie could practically see the cogs whirring in his brain, before he closed the gap between the two of them, not caring that the majority of the rest of his team were now watching the exchange. “It was all true, I’m in love with you Eddie Diaz, I just, I didn’t know how…”
Eddie put a finger to his lips to silence Buck’s ramblings, before leaning in a little closer so that his lips were almost brushing against his ear. “Just shut up and kiss me.”
Buck didn’t need telling twice, he leaned in and locked lips with Eddie, oblivious to the fact that Chim was now also staring, wide eyed and open mouthed, fumbling for his phone, because damn if Maddie wasn’t gonna want to see this.
“What the hell did I miss?” He quipped, looking from the still oblivious Eddie and Buck, to Hen and Bobby, who just shrugged nonchalantly.
“Fools in love Chim, fools in love.” Hen sighed happily.