Chapter Text
The first time it had happened, Apollo couldn't explain it.
It crept up on him, suddenly, and silently, as he listened to Steve laugh hard at something that Apollo didn't get.
"Dude, that's so funny," Steve said, between laughs, to someone that wasn't Apollo, and Apollo suddenly began thinking about if Steve had ever laughed at one of his quips like that, but the game was starting, and Apollo had to focus, but he just didn't get it —
Apollo went quiet for the rest of the game.
Steve had noticed, which made him feel better and worse at the same time, and he ended up playing it off as malding over a bad valo match.
The second time it happened, Apollo knew better.
He had come to the conclusion that he was in love with Steve, and this kept being proven over and over again as Apollo struggled to talk louder, struggled to be more confident, struggled to keep up with all the other people that wanted Steve's attention as much as he did.
Vegas was warm, but it seemed to drop several degrees as Steve mentioned how quiet he was at dinner while walking back to their hotel, when that just wasn't true, he had been trying so hard, but Steve simply hadn't noticed.
"You're a shy little guy, like Littlefoot," Steve had said, and it managed to get a laugh out of Apollo, because that was just Steve — so funny, so pretty, and so unattainable.
At least the hotel room was just theirs.
The third time it happened, Apollo knew for sure.
Vegas again, and they had all been playing some stupid drinking game Kimi had come up with, and the question was, "If you had to seriously make out with somebody here, who would it be?", and it was Steve's turn and he was laughing and talking about DK, and everyone was laughing too, because it was a joke and everyone knew it was, but then it's 5up's turn and suddenly it's not just a joke anymore.
A silence fell over their friend group as 5up quietly reasoned how nice it must be to kiss Steve; about exactly how he'd do it, eyes locked directly onto Steve's face, who was still trying to keep up the silly attitude, but failing, smile slowly faltering, as 5up went on and on, a blush finally betraying him by creeping up his neck and firmly settling down on his cheeks.
Apollo watches Steve blush. And he watches Steve attempt to laugh it off, forcing them all to return to the game, forcing it to be Apollo's turn.
Apollo felt like he was on a rollercoaster for the first time ever, except without the fun of a rollercoaster: only the build up, and then the drop.
And so Apollo lies, and lies again, because that's all he can do; because he's not brave enough to say, "You're not special, 5up. I'd kiss Steve too," and so he says "nobody" instead, and nobody believes him, so he has to drink, which he does gladly, feeling Steve's eyes on him the entire time.
The two of them walk back to their hotel again, this time, in silence.
And without Apollo realizing it — their entire dynamic seemed to shift.
Apollo began to actively avoid Steve; one, because he didn't want to stand in 5up's way (not like he's much of a threat, anyway), and two, because he couldn't stand and just watch anymore.
It didn't feel good, the way his heart shrank and his courage faltered at the slightest disregard from Steve. It didn't feel good to know somebody so annoying had so much power over him.
And so Apollo created a distance, to protect himself, because he was selfish, and weak, and in love with his best friend.
And after a while, his best friend also stopped texting him. Probably tired of the one word replies, and probably because he has much better things to do. Much better people to talk to.
Apollo tries to focus on everything else. Literally anything else, other than how much he misses Steve.
But then, it's past 3 AM, and Apollo's on his bed, busy scrolling through twitter, starting to finally feel a little sleepy, when he's jolted wide awake by a discord call from stevesuptic.
It rings, and rings, and Apollo doesn't answer. And then it stops ringing — only for a moment, and then rings again.
Apollo's sheer worry for Steve overtakes his cowardice, and he finally answers.
"Steve?"
"Dumbdogggg. Hey!"
Hearing Steve's voice again makes Apollo's throat hurt, even though he had heard it countless times in the youtube videos he had watched to take his mind off of Steve in the past few weeks.
Steve was a very difficult person to avoid, being the main character and all.
"It's 3 AM, Steve. Are you okay?"
"Oh? It's only a little past 1 AM here. Crazy how that works."
"Yeah. Timezones hard."
"And so am I!" Steve declares, and Apollo can't help but laugh; it fills his room, echoes off his walls, reminds him of exactly how much he missed Steve.
"Godddd what do you want, Steve?" Apollo tries again.
"You're so cranky! Does my old man need his little west?" Steve coos.
Apollo rolls his eyes.
"Yes, I do need my west," Apollo replies in the same accent, "but are you okay? Or am I just a random victim of your need for attention?"
"You'd never be just a random victim to me, Dumbdog, you know this. I'd take special care in plotting out your death. Murder by asphyxiation — furry gets permanently stuck in his suit, which has no breathing holes. Boom, easy kill."
"Steve, what do you want?" Apollo asks again, and Steve audibly sighs.
"Man, can't get anything past you can I," Steve mumbles, "Well, I — I missed you man. It's been weeks, and I missed you! Is that so wrong? Is that so wrong?"
And Apollo feels that drop in his stomach again. He sinks a little further into his blankets.
"It's not wrong, Steve," Apollo says, quietly, and then manages to muster up a little more courage, "I missed you too."
"Then why the fuck have you been avoiding me?" Steve asks, incredulously.
"I wasn't avoiding you, man!" Apollo splutters at the sudden confrontation.
"Oh yeah? You said no to every single game I suggested playing together. Even my among us lobby, and you love among us!"
"I was busy!" Apollo lies again, sinking even further into his pillows.
"Oh yeah? You spent two hours doing a crossword on stream yesterday instead of playing Valorant with me."
"I - I wanted to do the crossword!"
Steve is quiet, and Apollo feels terrible when he hears him mutter, "whatever, man."
And so Apollo tries again.
"Steve. I'm sorry," he says, because he genuinely is, "I really am. I was going through something, uh, personal, and I ended up taking it out on you. I shouldn't have, because I ended up missing y— playing with you anyway, and I feel terrible. I'm sorry."
Apollo waits for a bit, and then finally hears Steve sigh dramatically.
"You're sorry?"
"Yes."
"And you feel terrible?"
"Yep."
"Hmm. I do like it when you feel terrible," Steve says thoughtfully, and Apollo laughs.
"So, am I forgiven?" Apollo asks.
"No. Actually. I'm still very, very sad about it," Steve whines.
"Steve."
"I'm so sad. I don't think I can accept just a sorry."
"God. Steve. What do you want?"
"Reaaaally? You really wanna know what I want?" Steve asks sweetly, and Apollo immediately knows this conversation is not going to end well.
"Yeah, yeah, let's get it over with. What is it?"
"Come visit me in LA!" Steve says cheerfully, "This weekend!"
"Wh-What?" Apollo asks, lost for words.
"Come visit me, Dumbdoggg," Steve repeats, like it was just so simple, "I miss you and you wanted to see my new apartment, aaand it'll give you a break from whatever you're dealing with! It'll be funnnn."
Ah.
Apollo slowly realizes that Steve was thinking of him. To get his mind off of whatever was bothering him. By inviting him to the exact thing that was bothering him.
But Apollo's a fool, and this was the sweetest gesture Steve had ever made towards him, and he had missed Steve so much, and so he says, "Fine."
As Steve bursts into cheers, Apollo begins to think that maybe he's made a mistake, but his brain is too tired to properly reason this thought.
And so he gives up, and joins Steve, one hooyah after the other.