Archive of Our Own

Cruel was the first thing Kakucho thought of when he woke up in the hospital. A hospital without Izana. 

Without Izana - god, without Izana everything was nothing but cruel. 

It was an understatement that Kakucho would gladly die for Izana. The second his eyes opened and he felt a certain emptiness that he hadn’t felt since surviving the car crash that stole his family from him, he knew. Kakucho could feel that Izana had been stolen from him without having to ask a nurse. 

How evil. 

“Don’t go killing yourself,” Chifuyu told him. Kakucho let out a sigh. God, he just wanted to recover faster so he could get the hell out of this bed and stop hearing everyone’s pity comments. 

“And who are you to command me?” Kakucho asked. It was a bitter sentence - clearly, he didn’t want to talk with Chifuyu. He barely even knew him. Only seeing glances of him during Tenjiku’s fight against Toman. Along with the time he had got his ass handed to him by Kawata Nahoya. 

Kakucho couldn’t forget Chifuyu’s annoying screams of praise towards Nahoya even if he tried.

“I’m not commanding you. But it’d be in your best interest not to,” Chifuyu spoke, standing up from the chair he had been sitting at - about to take his leave.

“And why should I listen to anything you have to say?” 

“Because if you die, who will carry on Izana’s will?” That shut him right up. Chifuyu let out a soft sigh as he slid the door open. 

Before he walked out he mumbled a small, “...You’ll make Takemichi sad as well. He’s a soft guy you know. He’s seen way too many people die, so please, don’t get added to the checklist,” And with that, Kakucho was left all alone again.

Trailing his fingers softly along the wall Kakucho could almost feel Izana’s presence. There he was, back at the orphanage he promised himself never to go back to. The hallways were empty, voices not to be heard. Arm in a cast, Kakucho felt his throat closing up. 

“Tenjiku, huh? We’ll definitely create a great era!” He could almost hear his once small and soft voice exclaiming it to the coldness of winter with Izana’s warmth not far by his side.

“Izana,” He whispered out. 

Kakucho let himself fall to the floor and choke out a sob.

Roughly five years after Izana died Kakucho began to see things. Small depictions of his deepest desires, glimpses of white hair caught at the corner of his eye. Though as much as he wished he could will Izana back into reality, he knew it was nothing more than hallucinations under extreme amounts of guilt.

Izana was his purpose to live, it would make sense for grief to hit him this hard. 

Until it just didn’t feel like grief anymore.

The first time it happened was a week after he had come to the conclusion that he was hallucinating. At first, he was convinced that’s all it was. It was only white tufts of hair, he couldn’t tie that to Izana’s image by such a small feat. 

Until he heard it. Walking back to his empty apartment, a familiar jingle of a bell. He knew it too well. 

Kakucho had turned his head so quickly he thought his neck might snap. He knew he saw it. The red and black pattern of Izana’s earings swinging from a tan man’s ear. White hair accompanied by a red trenchcoat. 

But of course, the vision was gone as soon as it appeared. Vanishing into thin air after a random stranger walked in front of his eyes. Izana’s silhouette never showed up again. 

Kakucho ended up punching that stranger.

The second time it happened he was attempting to sleep. He always hated sleeping. He felt so alone wrapped in his duvet, hiding away from the world. But for the weirdest reason, a reason Kakucho lacked the explanation to, he didn’t feel lonely tonight. As if someone was in the room with him.

It felt like Izana was there with him. Which was a completely stupid thought. 

But despite Kakucho knowing it was complete tomfoolery to indulge in such a unhealthy comfort, he didn’t dare open his eyes. He felt that if he opened his eyes, that feeling that Izana was there with him would disappear. So he stayed there, slowly being called into sleep. 

Until someone traced their fingers over his face. 

Understandably, Kakucho was alarmed. He flinched at the touch, eyes widening in fright as he sat up immediately. For a split second, he was there. Izana was there with him. He could see him clearly. 

Beautiful violet eyes widening in shock. Kakucho could see it on his face. A swirl of shock, confusion, but this slight glimpse of happiness flashed along Izana’s face. But, Kakucho unfortunately blinked.

And again, Izana disappeared. Though, despite the anxiety and confusion clawing at his heart that forced him to open his eyes and check every other second - he dared to say he slept easier that night.

Almost as if Izana was there to ease his worries.

The third time was when Kakucho was coming home after a long day. He was tired, exhausted, and sad. He just got back from visiting Izana’s grave. 

“...Have you been visiting me?” Kakucho asked softly as he laid down the bouquet of hydrangeas by the shaped marble with ‘Kurokawa Izana’ carved into its head. Kakucho always thought the purple flowers were an almost perfect match to Izana’s eyes.

Though not entirely perfect.

Nothing could compare to the shade of violet that Izana’s eyes held. It was a color only he possessed in this world. Nothing could even come close. 

“Stupid, sorry. I don’t know why I’m asking like you’re going to respond,” Kakuchou apologized with a sad laugh. Fuck, this was pathetic. What the hell is he even doing?

After a few beats of silence passed Kakucho spoke up again, “It’s just - how do I even-? I’m not sure. I’ve been seeing you every so often. Like you’re there. But I know you’re not. You won’t ever be there again,” Hearing that from his own mouth hurt. 

But he needed the reminder.

He didn’t know what cruel pranks his own brain was pulling on him but it was cruel enough that Kakucho needed a constant reminder that Izana was dead. He’s not coming back. He won’t ever see Izana again.

…

...Fuck. He’s crying again. 

“Man this sucks,” Kakucho muttered, opening the door to his bedroom. He was completely ready to collapse into bed and hope to never wake up for the next two years. He just wanted to sleep off his misery. 

“Ah!” An all too familiar voice made him jolt. He knew what he was about to see and truly he wasn’t sure if he wanted to look.

But he gave in anyway.

As expected, Izana was in front of him. A slightly surprised look on his face. He was sitting at the edge of his bed, seemingly nervous. Kakucho could always recognize Izana’s body language. Though, he was a bit too tired to deal with the hallucinations right now.

“Look, could you stop looking at me with his eyes? It’s too cruel,” Kakucho spoke bitterly, glaring at the hallucination of Izana. But he made sure not to blink. As much as he didn’t want to see this, he didn’t want the false hope, he couldn’t help but be selfish and want to relish in Izana’s figure a little bit longer.

“S-Sorry?” Izana squeaked out. He seemed slightly flustered as if he had got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. Kakuchou let out a huff, leaning against his closed bedroom door, and waited for this hallucination to disappear. 

Getting impatient with Izana’s eyes staring at him in confusion Kakuchou blinked rapidly. 

“You can...see me?” Izana spoke nervously. 

Okay, this hallucination was getting a bit too real now. Please go away so Kakucho can rest until the next sunrise. 

“Uh, hello? Can you hear me?” Izana spoke again. Kakucho closed his eyes for a long second, praying that this cruel situation would stop despite hearing Izana’s shuffling on his bedsheets.

Again, Kakucho opened his eyes. And as expected, Izana stayed there with a confused look on his face.

“...Izana?” He called out. That was definitely him. 

Those irreplaceable purple eyes, one with which he just couldn’t bring himself to part with. Despite the years, Kakucho never wants to let go of them.

“Uh, yeah. That’s me.” Izana replied with sass. His once confused expression was replaced with a smug one. Okay, smug Izana hasn’t presented himself in quite a few years. Kakucho didn’t exactly expect to see that now.

Rushing over with an understandably alarmed and confused expression, Kakucho set his hand on Izana’s face. 

Holy shit.

He can feel him. Are you supposed to feel hallucinations? 

“Okay, creepy. So are you-” The situation finally dawned on him. Kakucho was sure tactile hallucinations were a thing but he didn’t care. He’d relish in this hallucination until it disappeared. Immediately his hands flew to Izana’s chest, patting down his clothes to test if he truly could feel him. 

In a second’s passing Kakucho received a swift kick to the dick.

“Dude! Don’t just grope someone’s chest like that?! Girl or not it’s weird!” Izana exclaimed, putting his own hands over his chest in embarrassment as if he were naked in front of Kakucho. 

“Yep, yeah, okay - pretty sure hallucinations can’t hurt you,” Kakucho groaned out, collapsing onto the floor. Shit, even dead Izana’s kicks hurt like a bitch.

“Well, maybe if you’d listen and not grope me like some creep we could help each other understand what the hell is going on,” Izana replied with sass. Okay, sassy Izana? Whatever. Kakucho would take any Izana he could get. Even if he was unfortunately sarcastic.

“Okay, um - sure. Explain away. Or - ask away, whatever you want,” Izana seemed pleased with that answer. Repositioning his legs so he sat with the back of his knee trailed across his thigh, Izana still held that powerful aura just by sitting there.

“First off, who are you?” At the question, Kakucho felt his heart crack for the 10th time today. 

That might’ve hurt just as much as Izana dying by his side. Hearing him ask such a thing, with Izana’s voice no less - ouch. 

“W-What?” Kakucho muttered out. Emotion caught in his throat as tears threatened to spill out of his eyes for what seemed the hundredth time this month.

“I asked who you were numbskull. I saw you at my grave earlier today,” Oh. Izana saw him at his grave today? Grave. Izana’s grave because he’s dead. But Izana was right in front of him.

Oh god, just trying to wrap his head around what the hell was happening was overwhelming him. He could feel those cruel violet eyes that haunted his dreams each night staring at him expectantly. So, Kakucho did the only thing he seems he can do lately.

He cried.

“Oh, shit. I- ah, um, don’t cry! I’m sorry I should’ve phrased my sentence better,” Seeing Izana panic over Kakucho’s tears surely was amusing. The tan-skinned man got down to Kakuchou’s level, pressing his thumb to wipe away his tears. 

Oh, this was too cruel. Kakucho felt so full yet so heartbroken at the same time.

“Look, okay. Just stop crying okay? If you cry - I don’t know why but I feel like I’ll cry. So stop crying before we both cry, okay??” Izana asked. He was clearly panicked and seemingly distraught. Fuck if he knew what to do. And somehow, the sight of this seemingly stranger in front of him crying made him want to break down into a ball and never see the light of day.

“You really don’t remember me?” Kakucho asked. 

“No, I don’t,” 

“...”

“DON’T GIVE ME THAT KICKED PUPPY LOOK!” Izana let out a long and frustrated sigh, combing his fingers through his hair and mutter a short, “Fuck” under his breath. 

“Alright, listen. I have no memories at all. Just my name and that I’m dead. You were probably important to me okay?? So stop looking so snotty and pathetic before I lose my shit,” Kakucho nodded pathetically. It was almost insulting how happy he was to obey an order under Izana’s voice again.

“Okay, glad we got that out of the way. And- oh my god, dry your fucking tears dude it’s making me stressed,” Izana leaned forward, swiping his hand over Kakuchou’s cheeks and wiping away the trails of surprise. 

Unconsciously, Kakuchou leaned into his touch like a puppy that hasn’t seen his owner in a while. 

Honestly, that’s a great way to describe Kakuchou because that’s exactly how he felt.

Fuck, that’s pathetic, Kakucho thought. But despite that feeling, he still let Izana do as he pleased. Of course, he did. He’d let Izana do anything and everything to him as long as it was Izana doing it.

“Alright, you okay now?” Izana asked softly. A tone that Kakucho wasn’t used to but it made something in the depths of his soul sing.

With a pathetic nod, Izana let out a sigh, leaning backward to press his back into Kakucho’s bed - not bothering to get up and sit somewhere other than the floor.

“So - and don’t fucking cry this time - who are you?” Now that Kakucho understood the situation, it didn’t hurt as badly.

But it still hurt.

“My name is Kakucho Hitto.” He started. Izana nodded, wanting more from him.

“We’ve known each other from childhood. You gave me a reason to live and despite me giving everything and anything you wanted for your resolve you still-” Before Kakucho could upset Izana with his tears again he took a moment to breathe. This Izana seemed especially patient with him. 

Kakucho now understood why Izana was acting so differently. He doesn’t remember the events that broke him to lead to Izana’s normal behavior. It was almost refreshing, like having Izana’s childhood self back. 

Not tainted with sadness, trauma wasn’t drowning him in a looming black sea. 

Izana was just Izana. And as cruel as it was, Kakucho was grateful to whoever took away his memories for him to be himself again.

“-you died for me Izana. I’m the reason you’re dead,” Kakucho breathed out. Coming to the realization and saying it with his own voice to Izana no less, hurt. 

God, how many times has Kakucho felt hurt today? He must be reaching Olympic levels by now.

“You’re not the reason I’m dead, Kakucho,” Izana said. Certain and almost demanding. Uncannily certain for someone who doesn’t remember the events that lead up to his death.

“If you weren’t the one who shot me, then you’re not at fault. If you didn’t instigate my death, then you’re not at fault. So don’t say that,” All Kakucho could do was nod. He didn’t trust his voice enough not to whimper.

After a comforting silence had passed, and when Kakucho felt alright to talk again he whispered that he understood. 

“How are you here? I mean, you’re dead,” Izana merely shrugged.

“You think I know the answer to that? I wasn’t exactly handed instructions on this shit before I came back,” Alright, he’s gonna have to get used to this much sass coming from Izana’s voice. 

Well, he was used to sassy Izana. But he was much used to his sass being directed to someone other than him or his sass was a bit confused for manic and crazed. 

Still, he’d have to get used to this seemingly new Izana.

“Well, there is that one rumor. Or - well - I think superstition is a better word for it,” Kakucho spoke, filling in the awkward silence.

“Okay?” 

“You don’t know it?” 

“...I will kick you in the dick again if this is your version of a joke,” Kakucho coughed out an apology as he now recalled why he was in this situation with a new Izana.

“I think it’s about how if a person dies without fulfilling some kind of self-deprived purpose or just feeling as if they had yet to complete something so important - they come back as uh-” Kakucho motioned his hands towards Izana, basically pointing straight at him.

“-whatever you are. Ghost or something else, I’m not entirely sure. I wasn’t very big on supernatural stuff,” Kakucho said.

Izana just listened, nodding thoughtfully at his explanation. As if something clicked in his mind, Izana got up, pulling Kakucho to his feet.

“Then I’ve decided,” Izana spoke pridefully. If Kakucho weren’t so focused on the beautiful glint in his purple eyes he’d have seen something teasing as well.

“You’ll be my servant!” He grinned, putting a tanned hand on Kakucho’s shoulder, squeezing. 

That sentence sent Kakucho’s mind straight to radio static. It was downright embarrassing how fluttery and soft his heart had felt at such a sudden demand. 

“Okay!” Kakucho exclaimed suddenly after his brain had a mental reboot. Izana on the other hand stayed silent to study Kakucho’s face. Despite not exactly knowing who he was about 15 minutes ago, he could read this man like an open book. 

Happiness was all he received from his visual read. An odd reaction to being told to serve someone completely out of nowhere. 

It starts to make Izana wonder just what kind of person he was before death. From the glint of admiration in Kakucho’s eyes and the way he told his death, Izana assumed he was a good person despite not knowing the finer details. 

But maybe he’ll ask later. When Kakucho wasn’t on the verge of a breakdown. 

“Your first order is to go search on the internet about that superstition of yours since I can’t touch your computer,” Izana demanded. That was much easier than the things he’s used to being told by the man.

So wordlessly, for the next hour, that’s all Kakucho did. Searched on the internet and gathered as much as he could on the topic before he would turn to Izana again.

There were times he’d glance over his shoulder to reassure himself that Izana was still there and he wasn’t going crazy, but each time, without fail, Izana was there on his bed. Played out beautifully on his sheets. 

Sometimes a ray of the sun would land on his face, though it wouldn’t lighten up his skin as it used to, instead it phased straight through him to mark a sunny spot underneath the ever so slight transparency of Izana’s body - he still looked unremarkably beautiful. 

“Hey, you’re taking forever you know.” Izana groaned out, he’d been waiting for hours. Just how much was this guy planning to research? 

When he was met with silence Izana almost felt offended. 

“Hey! You listening to-” Pausing after he sat up, he quieted down instantly. Letting out a soft huff he got up and walked over to Kakucho. He’d fallen asleep, drooling on his keyboard. A muted chuckle fell dead in Izana’s mouth, though he let out a soft snort. 

He looked almost soft like this. The first glare he received when Kakucho first entered the room wasn’t the most endearing sight. 

Izana decided not to wake him up. From what he’s seen, Kakucho has been having trouble sleeping - spare that one night he somehow caught a glimpse of Izana. So this was good for him. 

Considering how often and easily Kakucho cries over him, Izana does wonder what their relationship was beforehand. Before - well, this . Whatever this was. Perhaps this was Izana’s punishment, possibly he’d done something unforgivable and he’s forced to roam the world without a clue as to why.

Deciding it was useless to sift through possible conclusions Izana sits down by Kakucho’s chair. Though he can’t exactly sleep since his body doesn’t allow him such a luxury anymore, he opts to rest his eyes.

He’ll wait here until Kakucho wakes up. 

After all, Kakucho is the only person who can see Izana.

…

“So that’s it? I have to find closure or I’ll roam this earth being some vengeful spirit our for blood or something?” Izana asks as Kakucho searches his closet for new clothes to change into.

“Apparently so. If you don’t fix whatever you left behind then you’ll cause other people pain,” Kakucho responded thoughtlessly, slipping off his shirt.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know what the hell I need closure for if some dickhead god took away my memories??” Izana asks in frustration, the question directed to no one in particular. After heaving out a sigh, Izana turns to face Kakucho.

Izana let his curiosity get the better of him as he pressed a hand to the scar on Kakucho’s bare shoulder. The other man jolted at the action, slightly embarrassed. 

“What?” 

“How’d you get this one?” Izana asked quietly. Retelling the story might hurt, but if Izana wanted to know, Kakucho wouldn’t hesitate to tell.

“I was shot. Before I could get three more you ended up protecting me,” He explained. Figured. Izana had three scars on his chest as well, seemingly in a triangle. Whoever this person was Izana prayed he shot at them from a distance. If that wasn’t the case, their attacker had some serious shit aim if three consecutive bullet holes were in the form of a large triangle. 

“I was supposed to die with you that night. I hoped I did, to be honest. Though, the surgeons had other plans for me,” Kakucho darkly chuckled. Truly, Kakucho would give anything to have died along with Izana that night.

Everything felt perfect. He wanted that to be the last breath he would ever breathe. The snow, holding hands, Izana’s confession. That was the way Kakucho wished to go out. By Izana’s side. 

Though it didn’t work like that. 

“Don’t say that. If you died I would’ve died for nothing, right?” Izana said softly. Seems this version of him was a lot better at comfort. Though, it still didn’t stop the way Kakucho’s throat tightened up. 

If he cried again Izana wasn’t sure what he’d do. 

Probably cry along with him, to be honest. 

“Do you have scars too?” Kakucho asked, directing the conversation somewhere else before he had his 7th breakdown of the month.

“Yeah,” Izana spoke, unbuttoning his red Tenjiku trench coat that he died in. Shrugging it off his shoulders and taking off his white undershirt, Kakucho could see the scars clearly despite the slight transparency. 

He couldn’t help but let his hand wander. Two scars on each side of the top of Izana’s chest while the third was around the left side of his gut. Damn these were seriously spaced out. 

Kakucho was sure that even if he had never held a gun his aim would be better than blasted Kisaki’s.

“So that’s how you knew you were shot,” Kakucho mumbled, tracing his hand over Izana’s skin. 

“Not exactly. The farthest back I remember was this guy holding a gun, ugly ass yellow hair with boxy glasses. Like, I’m not sure, a sea of black, yellow, and red. Really all I remember was the guy that shot me and a blur of colors. That’s really it,” Izana explained. 

The colors must have been the multitude of Tenjiku and Toman members clashed together as a live audience to Izana’s death. 

“Are you blind?” Izana asked, a hand setting on Kakucho’s face. The reasoning he had was blurry and fuzzy but it felt like his touch belonged on Kakucho’s body. 

“Yeah, car crash,” Kakucho responded vaguely. Izana pushed for no more details, seems he knew how to mind his business and away from the large scar that trailed across Kakucho’s face.

Suddenly embarrassed at the slight intimacy of the situation, Kakucho turned around. Searching for a shirt to put on. And of course, as always, Izana read him like a book. 

“Eh? You embarrassed Kaku? I think this is the second time you tried to grope my chest,” At such a accusation, Kakucho in question turned around with the reddest face that Izana has ever recalled seeing.

“Am not!” He exclaimed, despite his blush trailing all the way to his neck.

Liar. 

“Don’t act like you haven’t touched me without warning either,” Kakucho muttered, aggressively grabbing a shirt from his closet. 

“What? Would you like me too?” Izana teased, suddenly hugging Kakucho’s back. Despite being transparent he could definitely feel Izana against him. Bare skin to bare skin. And it was downright torturous - even if Izana was a little cold.

This cheeky bastard, Kakucho thought. God, this was seriously embarrassing. This was not the type of Izana he was used to and it might just cause a serious heart attack. But despite that, Kakucho couldn’t find it in himself to lie straight to Izana’s extremely pretty face.

“...I wouldn’t mind,” He mumbled truthfully. Faced with the reddened neck of Kakucho and such a big guy being so soft under him - almost putty - it was Izana’s turn to feel embarrassed.

“Didn’t know you were a pervert,” Izana said, unlatching himself from Kakucho who looked like he was about to combust. 

Now that he thinks of it, what was Izana and Kakucho’s relationship? 

“Say, what were we before I died?” Izana asked, slipping his clothes back on and facing away so the other could change comfortably. 

“King and slave,” Kakucho responded without a single string of hesitation as he turned back around, fully clothed.

Izana wore the most shocked expression. 

“LIKE A SEX SLAVE???”

“WHAT?? NO!” Shrinking from the embarrassment, Kakucho turned his back to Izana again as he slid down his bedroom wall. Even the thought of that made Kakucho’s stomach churn. 

He didn’t want to delve into whether it was agreeing with the thought or denying, afraid of its answer.

“Oh, sorry,” Izana had the audacity to giggle.

This guy.

This guy is going to be the death of Kakucho.

Again.

“We were friends. Well, friends is a little vague. But we were close, really close,” Kakucho responded with a sigh now that he was calm again. 

“That’s why I’ll help you find closure. I will be the one to save you this time,” At that, Izana cracked a soft smile. 

Alright, he’ll admit, Kakucho isn’t as bad as Izana once thought.

…

Though Kakucho said that with such pride and certainty he really didn’t know what the hell he was doing. 

Of course he didn’t know what the hell to do.

It was Kakucho.

Obviously, Izana needed closure. But how would Kakucho even bring him closure? What the hell would Izana of all people need closure for? 

Perhaps Mikey? Did he want to leave on good footing with Mikey? Though, the way they interacted in Izana’s final moments was anything but sour. So he wasn’t sure it was that. 

Tenjiku, possibly? Though Izana had accepted it was Tenjiku’s loss. He’d come to terms with his loss. It couldn’t have been that. 

Did he want to visit Emma one last time? Kakucho was unsure that Izana ever saw what Emma had grown to look like after parting ways as children. Maybe seeing Kisaki’s grave? Though Izana was definitely a spiteful person to hold a long grudge - he couldn’t see Izana holding that tightly onto Kisaki. Not so tight that he’d come back as a roaming ghost with fucking amnesia. 

Maybe it was something to do with Kakucho? Hell, fucking Takemichi maybe? 

He really had no clue.

…

“I remembered something,” Izana suddenly spoke up, breaking the silence in the air a few days later. 

Izana often lingered near him for whatever reason. Well, probably to annoy him. Sometimes even tease him. Hell, when did Izana even start calling him “Kaku”? But Kakucho is a fast learner and has grown used to this seemingly childish Izana and his antics. 

But he didn’t mind. As long as it was Izana.

“You what?” He asked, reasonably alarmed, as he turned to the man sitting on his bed.

“After you told me the reason that I was shot. I was happy. Happy that I saved you from death. You’re a good person Kaku, someone like you doesn’t deserve death for no apparent reason. But when you left to go make something to eat, it’s a bit fuzzy, not totally clear, but I could see a man standing over me,” Izana explained. His voice was soft, still working out and remembering the details himself.

“I could almost feel whatever emotions I felt during that. And even though I could feel the pain of being shot - I still felt calm? I could vaguely hear your voice but whatever you said was comforting. And his face is still a bit blurry, but he had blonde hair. Blonde hair and really black eyes,” 

So it was Mikey, Kakucho came to realize. 

Though the reality of making Izana relive his death felt cruel and the absurd amount of guilt that dumped onto Kakucho was horrible - there was relative happiness and relief he received as well.

He was glad to hear that Izana wasn’t scared during death. He was calm and that his voice was able to comfort him.

It was nice to hear.

“I think it started to snow too. I could feel your hand, but your touch was really really far away. I was probably dying really quickly but I could still feel it. I think I might’ve passed out but I know you grabbed onto my hand,” Kakucho breathed out a sigh. 

He too was glad Izana was able to feel that.

He didn’t want Izana to feel alone. Kakucho wanted nothing more than to make sure he was comfortable during his last moments.

“I think that’s the extent of it really. It’s becoming clearer and clearer the more I think back on it but some things are still missing,” Izana let out a huff but Kakucho’s smile didn’t go unnoticed by his violet eyes. 

“But this is good right?” Kakucho asked with the softest smile. Izana couldn’t tell if he wanted to kick it off or squeeze him until he popped.

“That I’m remembering? Yeah, I’m really happy. This is a good start. Really good,” Izana replied with honesty. Though the feelings he got from remembering the scene were anything but reassuring, he’d have to deal with it.

He needed to pass on peacefully. He wasn’t sure what would become of him if he didn’t. 

Izana didn’t want to risk hurting Kakucho if he were to become vengeful. 

So despite whatever discomfort he’d feel regaining his memories, he’d push through it.

All for the soft-hearted man in front of him.

“Would you be opposed to trying something out?” Kakucho asks abruptly one day, Izana lingering by his side as he cooks himself lunch. 

“If it’s something sexual I’ll kick you in the dick again,” 

“What-?! Ugh, of course, it’s not. I just wanted to test out if you’d regain your memories by visiting the place you died,” Kakucho mutters, stopping in his action to stir his fried rice that sizzled on his skillet to drag a hand across his embarrassed face. 

Izana never had much of a filter but this is going too far.

“Sure. But are you-” Izana brings a finger and presses it firmly against Kakucho’s chest. The two of them wonder how they can still feel each other’s touch, “-okay with that?” 

Kakucho opens his mouth to give a direct and firm agreement. But, he hesitates. He hasn’t been back since he - well - since the day everything went down.

But that doesn’t matter. If it’s something that’ll help Izana rest peacefully then he’ll force himself through it no matter what.

“Yes, I’ll be fine,” Kakucho speaks. As long as you’re there with me , goes completely unsaid. Though, with the mindreader that Izana seemingly is, he can tell exactly what words he chooses to keep from him.

“Alright, then we’ll go,” 

We.

Kakucho smiles.

.

Here they were, all alone along Tokyo’s Bay. The surroundings haven’t changed at all. Everything was basically the same that Kakucho remembers from that day. 

“Is it familiar?” Kakucho asks softly, very slowly but carefully, nudging Izana towards the middle. Vaguely around the place he was shot. 

“Eerily, yes. Like it’s on the tip of my tongue but I can’t remember entirely,” Izana responds. He was a mere inch from remembering whatever horrid situation took place here. 

His mind felt clouded. Heavy and grey clouds looming over his consciousness menacingly. 

At any given moment, memories would start to rain on him. Like a terrifying and judge announcing storm. 

“It’s okay. There’s no rush. Come sit by the edge with me?” Kakucho asks, slightly unsure of Izana’s answer. But thankfully, Izana follows. 

So they sit there, on the edge of the asphalt. The sun would set soon. Kakucho wonders if he’d be able to see the sunset still if he were to sit behind Izana. The transparency factor still fascinates him every time without fail. 

“Mikey,” Izana muttered out abruptly. Turning his head to look at him, strands of white hair falling lazily in front of purple. Something must’ve come back to him if he remembered Mikey’s name.

“Who was he?” Kakucho gulped. Yikes. Should he tell Izana? Well, he’d have to either way. But Kakucho wasn’t sure how to ease Izana into it. Opening such a terrifying, almost bottomless can of worms on this almost innocent Izana made Kakucho shrink under invisible weights of sin. 

Like he’d be tainting something so pure. 

“He was your brother,” Kakucho started. Or maybe he should’ve said friend since they technically weren’t blood- no, they weren’t even related at all. Albeit, that would just be lying to him. 

Izana and Mikey weren’t friends. They just happened to stumble upon a soft moment of solace during Izana’s last living moments.

Other than that, they were enemies. At least that’s the way Izana viewed the two of them.

“Really? He doesn’t exactly look like me though,” Izana muttered, glancing to Kakucho who had avoided his gaze. Focusing much more on the sun inching down to meet the sea at every passing moment. 

“You weren’t blood-related,” Kakucho replied. Izana let out a soft hum. He wasn’t sure as to why, but being told that made something in his unbeating heart stutter. Almost painfully so. 

“Figures,” Izana responds. With a stretched back, the white-haired man lets out a struggled groan before collapses bonelessly onto his back. Kakucho peaked over with a soft chuckle.

Had Izana’s mind always looked so...empty? Just through his eyes, it seemed like complete and utter radio static. It was almost funny to see. A nice change from his usual crazed and wide-eyed gaze. 

It was nice to see Izana like this. Hell, to see him at all.

“Can you tell me about it?” Izana asks quietly, shifting his body to lean on his side, looking up at Kakucho expectantly. Tufts of colorless hair fell from its usual resting place, going down with gravity to give more view to Izana’s beautiful violet eyes.

Kakucho will never shut up about Izana’s eyes.

“About what?”

“You know, whatever led to me getting shot in front of like - a hundred people. Fuck, maybe more than one hundred? I don’t know but it looked like a lot,” 

The question made something in Kakucho pause. Selfishly so, he wants to hold this kind of Izana tight and never let go. Is this what Izana would’ve acted like if he hadn’t been born into the misfortunate situation he involuntarily lived through? 

He was funny, charismatic, a teasing bastard, but a good guy. No manipulation tactics, no harmful jokes, no enforcing of rules, not a king in sight. 

He was no longer a king, he was just Izana. 

And being nothing more than Kurokawa Izana was all Kakucho wanted to give him. 

Nonetheless, he doesn’t get the right to be selfish underneath Izana’s heavy gaze. 

“Are you sure you want to know? It’s...a lot. To say the least,” Kakucho says softly. He couldn’t help but look away, ground himself on something that wasn’t Izana. 

“I mean, I’ll have to know at some point. But if you are uncomfortable or too overwhelmed to say anything - then we can wait. Take it slow. You can just bring me to places where events occurred and my mind will fill in the memories on its own,” Kakucho hadn’t noticed when Izana sat up. But when he did, there was a small moment of hesitation before resting a hand on Kakucho’s back.

“I don’t know how I treated you before all of this. But right now, I’m telling you it’s okay to be a little selfish. Chose your own path for once, Kaku. No one here will blame you,” 

Ah, this Izana certainly was considerate of his feelings, huh? The kindness was sweet. Bittersweet.

But it made everything all the harder to truly decide for himself. Here Izana was, being slow and considerate while he was the one who would suffer if he doesn’t pass in peace. 

So, with an uncertain plague, Kakucho reluctantly tells Izana all about the events that lead up to his death. All the way from Shinichiro’s departure. 

.

“I totally deserved to be shot,” Izana spoke with a laugh. At such a sudden statement Kakucho was shocked. If it had been anyone other than - well - Izana , he would’ve picked them up, tossed them into the ocean - and proceed to drown them. 

“What?” 

“I mean, I was a shit person right? Even with the mountain of trauma and untreated mental illnesses - that doesn’t excuse my totally shitty actions. Let alone the way I treated and said things to you that maybe you feel like you were the same as the dirt I stepped on,” Izana explained. So this was the reason behind such uncanny happiness when being ordered around that he saw Kakucho experienced. 

He’d never outwardly ask for a demand just to make himself happy. But Izana could read him quite well - too well. 

“I don’t know about death. But I definitely deserved those three terribly aimed bullets,” 

Kakucho couldn’t argue that Izana wasn’t a good person, but he’d follow him to the depths of hell without question. Izana wouldn’t even have to ask, Kakucho would just wordlessly trail along without a care for the world around them. 

So, hearing Izana contradict the Izana he was used to - and proceed to shit on himself about his actions, Kakucho was undoubtedly confused on how to handle the situation. 

He kind of just sat there, staring at Izana with this blue screen with a rectangular white box that said ‘updating: 10%’ plastered across Kakucho’s vast and incredibly empty mind.

Kakucho shouldn’t be comparing Izana’s far away look to radio static when he’s a walking Windows 10 computer that takes 34 hours to update a google extension installation.

“Kaku, stay with me, Kaku!” Izana exclaimed, violently shaking the younger man by his expectedly broad shoulders. With a jolt, Kakucho is aware of the situation again. 

Izana breathes out a sigh, “Jeez, man. I thought I visibly saw your soul leave your body,” He said with a joking laugh. 

“S-Sorry, sorry,” Kakucho says with a soft laugh. 

He has a nice smile, Izana realizes. He wants to see it more.

“You don’t have to apologize. You apologize a lot,” He responds, sitting up to move closer to Kakucho, softly knocking his tan knuckles against Kakucho’s pale forehead. The proximity seemed to embarrass him despite the friendly (teasing) gesture.

Izana also comes to realize that Kakucho looked really cute with a blush. 

“Okay,” Kakucho mumbles - mentally stopping himself from muttering out another half-assed apology.

“We should head home,” Izana says, getting up from his seated position and stretching his back. Kakucho winced at the loud ass pop that resonated through the emptiness of the cargo juncture. 

Home, Kakucho thought with a smile on his lips.

“Alright, let’s go,” 

.

“Man, now that I can remember clearly that Takemichi guy was hella cool!” Izana said with a laugh, yet again sprawled out on Kakucho’s bed. Sometimes it felt like Kakucho was in Izana’s room and not his. 

Though that may just be the natural energy Izana emitted without fail. A king’s energy.

“Right? I mean, who’s that calm while held at gunpoint,” Kakucho snickers. Truly, his childhood friend had really gone places, huh? 

“Hey, Kaku,” Like a pathetic dog, Kakucho was by Izana’s side the moment his name left his lips. Taking a place at the side of the bed as Izana’s eyes stared him down.

“Can we go to the orphanage sometime?” 

That was abrupt.

“The orphanage, why?” Kakucho asked - genuinely curious. 

“Anything past Shinichiro’s death is fuzzy,” Izana replied, sitting up from his position on the bed and turning to face Kakucho. Looking down at him with this happy smile that sets Kakucho’s face on fire.

“And besides, I wanna know what kid Kaku was like!”    

With a flustered chuckle and a lazy smile with his head hanging to the side, Kakucho replied with a “Kid Kaku truly isn’t as interesting as you think,” 

At that, Izana scoffed - turning his head to the side and refusing eye contact. 

Kakucho could clearly see what kid Izana was like though.

“You’re such a damn killjoy. Entertain me for a bit, would you?” With a snicker, Kakucho gave a half-assed shrug.

“I think you entertain yourself quite a lot already, no?”

“Woah, mister. Though I like that you’re standing up for yourself I don’t need your sass,”

“Oh, but you sassing me is okay?”

“You wanna fight bastard? I’ll kick your dick again,”

“Just so you know, you forgot your fighting skills. I’d win a bit too easily so I’ll let you off the hook this time,” Izana gave Kakucho this (fake) appalled look that made him stifle a cackle.

“How much you wanna bet?” Izana huffed.

“Like you have any money to offer up,” Kakucho said with an eye-roll. Being playful with Izana like this was nice. He should be a bitch more often if these are the kinds of responses he would get in return.

“I’ll give you a kiss right here,” Izana says with this smug look, poking his tan cheek with a snide smile.

“Deal,” Kakucho said, maybe a little too quickly. 

So, for the next five minutes, they wrestle on the ground. If anyone saw Kakucho or walked in on him wrestling the air he’d be too embarrassed. 

There would be no saving himself from that point on, the only option was to jump off the tallest building in Kyoto.

“Fuck!” Izana exclaimed, heaving out a sigh. Kakucho wears this triumphant grin as he sits back to let Izana breathe. Kakucho of course didn’t punch or kick Izana. He simply pinned him to the ground. 

Though it took a while to get him completely pinned with how much that guy flails and squirms, slipping out of his grasp after he’s finally thought he’d bested him. But finally, Izana cried uncle and let his body fall limbless for Kakucho to get off of.

“Shit man! Are ghosts supposed to get tired out?! This is bullshit, I want a refund,” Izana complains breathlessly, taking multiple large breaths. His chest was aggressively rising and falling but it was almost mesmerizing to look at. 

Though there was no sweat visibly anywhere on Izana’s face he was definitely tired out. His expression was practically preaching it.

“Told you that you’d forget your fighting experience,” Kakucho said, pushing the last of his sass out of his body.

With a glare, Izana peeked over at him, “No. I didn’t. You’re just - freakishly strong,” 

“What? No way, if you truly wanted to, memories and all, you could totally fold me with one kick,” 

“But I-”

“One kick that’s not my dick,” Izana merely huffs out a chuckle.

“Guess I need to get all of my memories back quickly,” The white-haired man speaks with this snide tone.

“Glad you’re motivated,” Kakucho says with sarcasm before leaning back into the side of his bed, a long sigh leaving his lips from having to wrestle a guy five inches smaller than him to the ground.

Not exactly something he does in his spare time.

“Hey, Kaku,” 

“Don’t ask for a rematch-” 

Instead of asking for a round two, instead, Izana reaches over to cup the opposite side of Kakucho’s face from his - pulling his head to tilt closer to one side. It’s when he registered Izana’s cold lips on his cheek does he completely freeze.

Like, completely frozen. Absolutely shit-stiffed. Not even his lungs are moving, he’s not even breathing. 

“Reward,” Izana whispers, pulling away just as quickly as he had pulled him in. 

“Now that that’s settled - take me to the orphanage!” 

Izana was truly going to be the death of him.

For like - the 5th time. 

…

Izana traced his fingers softly along the emptied-out hallways of what used to be their orphanage. Very faintly he can almost smell what they used to have for dinner, lingering in his nose. But that was just a silly side effect of regaining memories.

He can’t smell anything anymore, after all. 

He’s dead.

“Was I a good kid?” Izana asked - looking over his shoulder to Kakucho that trailed a few feet behind him.

A soft smile graced his lips, “A sly bastard but a good kid. You made me really happy,” He whispered. At such a genuine response Izana couldn’t help but break into a grin.

That smile is something heart-stopping.

“I’m glad!” Izana responds.

It’s so bittersweet. Cruel but welcoming. Having Izana back - an Izana that’s not plagued by trauma and worries. Just Izana. But Kakucho forces himself not to get too attached. He can’t afford it. 

Not when he knows that Izana will get ripped away from him soon. It’s been a little over two weeks since Izana has come back to him. 

“Come back to him”

But that’s beside the point. Ghost or not. Leaving peacefully or not. Izana will leave.

Again.

“Hey, look! It’s snowing!” Izana gaps. It’s basically the first time he’s ever seen the snow. Running out into the empty field from out the orphanage’s back door he gaps up at the sky. It’s beautiful. 

A soft spark goes off in Izana’s head. A series of faint and fuzzy memories. 

Happy ones. 

Izana isn’t used to getting happy memories - if he’s being honest. 

He can feel goosebumps trailing along his skin, being wrapped in the warmth of multiple layers of clothes, his hot breath fanning his cold hands. 

There’s a boy next to him. Fluffy black hair, a mesmerizing red eye, another as white as the snow. A faint blush on his face from the cold. An absolute gorgeous glint in his eyes. Happiness? Admiration? Excitement? Maybe all three? 

Izana is laying there, plopped in the snow next to this boy. There’s the warmest feeling in the cold emptiness of his chest. A spark in his unbeating heart. 

“Our kingdom will be named “Tenjiku”!” He’s gazing up into the sky. It’s cloudy, puffy with a certain kind of fluff that it just doesn’t have in other seasons. It almost looks edible. Like cotton candy.

“Tenjiku, huh?” Kakucho murmurs, sprawled out beside him. The biting cold of snow helping itself to the bare skin on the back of both of their hands. 

“We’ll definitely create a great era!” 

“I don’t care what anyone says, Kaku,” Izana spoke, hands in his trenchcoat pockets. A glazed-over look in his eyes. He’s so beautiful like that. Backdropped by the snow. Kakucho thought he’d never see it again.

Despite that, he forces himself to look away. If he doesn’t, he’ll never let Izana go.

“No matter what-” Izana simply can’t read the room - or he just doesn’t care. He turns and forcefully grabs hold of Kakucho’s face, cold but soft, flush against his cheeks. A smile that’ll surely haunt him until his next life. “-it was our era.” 

He can’t get close.

He’ll lose Izana again.

He doesn’t want to get hurt.

He has to stay away.

“Yeah, y-yeah, yeah,” He mumbles incoherently. Snow in Izana’s transparent white hair, flakes hanging on his white eyelashes, hauntingly beautiful violet eyes. 

“Ours, it was all ours,” He repeats, shakily reaching up to press Izana’s hands further into his skin. Like if he doesn’t, Izana will disappear forever.

“Ours,” He whispers faintly. 

Kakucho can’t help it.

“Ours,” Izana confirms. That horribly soft smile on his face.

“All ours,” Izana repeats. Like a vow, a promise. He brings their foreheads together, pressing against each other.

Who was Kakucho kidding?

He was attached from the start.

He never even fucking let go. 

...

“That was nice,” Izana hummed, crossing his legs as he looked up at Kakucho’s ceiling. 

“Was it?” Kakucho responds mindlessly, definitely tired from walking all over the place. He was collapsed in bed, ready to go to sleep. If he doesn’t sleep off the storm of feelings swirling like a menacing tornado in his chest he’s just going to break down at the next smile Izana tosses his way.

“Bring me to places like that more often. Some memories weren’t pleasant but a lot of them were really nice. Seeing you was nice,” Izana explains, listening to Kakucho dig himself further into his duvet.

“Kid Kaku was a fucking nerd!” He laughs. Expecting some kind of offended response, Izana looks over when met with silence. 

Ah, he fell asleep.

With a chuckle the ghost of a man carefully gets off the bed, not wanting to disturb him. Kneeling by his bedside he stares at him thoughtfully. Something in his chest was swirling with emotion - yet he couldn’t seem to put a name on it.

He felt the most alive today. He learned so many new things about Kakucho, well, more like remembered. 

“Our era. It was all ours,” Izana whispers, mostly to himself. Brushing a bit of his black hair behind his ear, there’s something cute about his sleeping face, Izana comes to realize. Maybe it’s because he looks so soft.

Izana can see it in his face. In Kakucho’s eyes. He’s scared.

Scared of what, he isn’t quite sure. Izana can come up with a few guesses but he’s not sure which it is - hell - it could be all of them. But he’s come to the conclusion that Kakucho is just scared of Izana leaving him again.

He wants to stay. Izana truly does. The couple of weeks he’s spent slowly gaining his memories back, spending time with this guy, teasing him, making fun of him - it doesn’t make it any easier for Izana. 

Why did he have to get all fucking attached and mushy? He let out a soft sigh. He should’ve just ordered Kakucho around instead of doing all of this.

No, that’s a bad thought. Leaving Kakucho to do his shit would be a bad choice on his part. An asshole move. Why did he even think of such a thing? 

Attached.

Attached?

Was Izana getting attached?

Letting his forehead fall softly onto Kakucho’s bed with a groan he ruffles his white hair in annoyance. Attached? Attached??? How? When?? Glancing up with reluctance he’s met with Kakucho’s sleeping face, as expected.

With incredible precision and stealth, Izana leans up. It was a lot longer than the last one, but he kissed Kakucho on the cheek. He lingered for a while. A feeling that he’s only felt for a seconds’ worth of time every once in a while resonated in his chest. 

It felt like Izana was dying of heartburn.

Pulling away carefully, he lets out another sigh.

Fuck.

He doesn’t want to go either.

.

“No offense, I get that you’re a stubborn bastard sometimes, and clingy, and possessive, and a bit obsessive, but what could you of all people need closure for?”

“Um, okay. One, that was backhanded as hell.  Two, how the fuck should I know?”

“Because you’re -” Kakucho points a finger, roughly pushing Izana’s chest. “-the one that needs closure,” 

Crossing his arms, Izana lets out a huff, turning his head away from Kakucho’s direction. This childish little-

“So sorry that some mother fucker took away my memories, your highness,” Izana responds. His fucking sass is going to get him pinned to the ground again, Kakucho swears on it.

“Just bring me everywhere we used to go to? That’ll jog my memory right? Maybe we swore something on some poor bastard’s lit-up car? Fuck if I know man,” Izana sighs. Okay, Kakucho will admit, it’s not fair to get frustrated at Izana. Not like he really was frustrated at him. More like himself.

He’s known Izana for basically his whole life. He’s always wished - staying up on late nights praying to the gods that he doesn’t believe in just for Izana to give him one more command. 

And here he was! Commanding him to help him find closure! And Kakucho was failing fucking miserably!

“Like places we used to hang out at?” Kakucho asks. Izana lets out a hum accompanied by a nod. 

“It might help me remember what was so important. I’ve probably talked to you about it, or maybe it slipped out on accident,” He explains. 

Kakucho thought about it for a moment. There weren’t many places they went to that were frequently visited. But, if Izana wished it - he’d follow.

“Alright,”

.

“This is a fucking burger joint.”

“Your point?” Kakucho asks, face stuffed into a burger. 

They sat far away from everyone, in a small corner all the way in the back of the fast-food restaurant. Besides, not many people lingered close just by one look at Kakucho’s appearance. Though it hurt - it worked in his favor.

Seemingly talking to no one would definitely be embarrassing. After all, only he can see Izana.

“Just admit you were hungry,” Izana huffed, slumping back into the chair with disappointment written all over his face. 

“Not true. Well - the hungry part is right-” He earned a glare, “-but we visited this place often!” Kakucho said, ketchup on the corner of his mouth. 

“Jesus man, you eat like your food is going to run away from you. Take a breather,” Izana snickered, leaning over the other side of the table to wipe the sauce off the corner of his lips. Taken by surprise - Kakucho proceeded to choke.

And of course, Izana just laughed at him.

“Don’t do that stuff in public,” Kakucho whispered after clearing his windpipe that probably had burger in it.

“Why? Not like anyone can see us,” Izana replied with a half-assed shrug. Kakucho looked extremely displeased. Because you’ll give me a fucking heart attack that’s why, was left unsaid.

“Are you remembering anything?” 

“Not anything important,” Izana replies. Sifting through the fuzzy memories. They weren’t clear yet, he couldn’t hear their voices. He’d have to wait a few moments.

“Take your time,” Kakucho replies, smile as soft as ever. There’s something in Izana’s chest - tightening his ribcage together like the strings of a corset. That doesn’t happen often.

“This tastes like shit,”

“This tastes awesome!”

Staring at each other with the most dumb-founded look, they send a glare. Though, Kakucho’s glare was much softer than his own.

“You can’t seriously like this shit, right?” Izana asks - straight-faced and all. A slight hint of displeasure that Kakucho hadn’t agreed with him.

“Well, maybe they made my burger better since you were rude to the lady at the counter,” Kakucho replied. It’s been a year since they’d run away from the orphanage. So it’s still evident that Kakucho was a child - definitely apparent through his childish tone.

“I wasn’t rude! She was being too fuckin’ slow!” Izana huffed, aggressively drinking his soda out of a red straw.

Yikes. Seems teenage Izana was still a bitch.

“You said you hated this place,” Kakucho said softly, taking a sip from his soda. Izana gave a half-assed shrug. Huh, seems that stayed with him.

“Shut up. You’d bitch and whine if we went to another joint,” He replied, refusing to look him in the eye. If he did - Kakucho would be able to tell he was lying.

He could still tell he was lying, absentmindedly doing this for Kakucho’s pleasure, but Izana didn’t need to know that he knew.

“Right,” He replied with a smile.

Izana’s cheeks felt hot.

Izana let out a soft sigh, head in his hands, which alerted Kakucho’s attention away from that fucking burger he’s eating as if his life depends on it.

“No good?” He asks.

“Nope, just me being a bitch,” Izana replies solemnly. He wants to find closure, he can’t keep disturbing Kakucho’s life like this.

Though, selfishly enough, there’s a part of him that wants to stay forever.

.

“What’s this?” Izana asks, walking into the abandoned building as Kakucho held the shutters up for him.

“Shinichiro’s old bike shop,” He responds. Izana lets out a knowing hum. Hopefully, he doesn’t get any bad memories from being here. 

“Did we come here often?”

“It was your safe haven when you were in bad moods. We’ve spent a lot of nights in this beaten-down place. Though I cleared out a lot of it after you...you know,” A soft avoidance towards Izana’s death. Kakucho never liked talking about it, even if it were only a brief mention during a conversation.

“Cleared out what?”

Kakucho pointed to a corner in the room, “There was a mini-fridge there.”

He pointed to the middle of the dusty and slightly disgusting floor, “We stole a couch and put it here,”

“We stole a couch ?” Izana laughed, turning to Kakucho with a snicker.

“Yeah, it was at a yard sale and you ordered me to pick it up and run,” He explained with a fond smile.

“How the fuck do you just pick up a couch and run?” Izana laughed again, clearly amused by the story.

“You helped me. The owners weren’t outside so we took it and booked it to the nearest alleyway,” Kakucho explained. The other let out a low whistle of surprise - praise maybe? 

Faintly, Izana can see it. In the back of his mind as the blurry filter slowly fades away.

“You want me to steal a couch?” Clearly unimpressed and just wanting to go to Shinichiro’s old bike shop, Kakucho stares Izana down.

“You’re my slave. You don’t get to argue with me,” Izana replies. The two wonder when the word servant had turned to slave. Though, Kakucho never dares to ask again.

“I’ll do it. Of course, I will, but I’m not sure if I can haul an entire couch all on my own. It’s too big to carry for just one person, even if it is small,” Kakucho responds. With an annoyed huff, just wanting Kakucho to shut up and listen to his demands Izana rolls his eyes.

“Since when do you talk back?” 

“I’m not talking back. I’m telling you that it won’t work,” Kakucho lets out a sigh. Izana doesn’t see through reason when he’s upset. Guess he’ll have to do it on his own. He’ll work the details out on the way, that’s what he always did when receiving tall orders like this. 

It wasn’t even that tall. He could do it. Well, he had to do it. If he doesn’t, Izana may find him boring and toss him to the side like dross.

He doesn’t want that.

“Fucking fine. I’ll help you,” Izana says with extreme reluctance. Surprised, Kakucho turns to him.

“If you really don’t want to, it’s fine. I can do it,”

“Shut up and stop questioning my decisions. It’d take too long if you did it all on your own anyway,” 

“Man, I gave you some tall orders, huh?” Izana asks, slightly upset with the memory.

Kakucho huffs, “Nothing I couldn’t follow through,” 

There was a small beat of silence, relishing in each other’s presence. A comforting air the two of them shared made anything they stood around home.

“Was it hard?” Izana asks.

“Was what hard?”

“Having to follow such crappy orders all the time,” Kakucho let out a thoughtful hum, thinking back to the days where he was young and Izana ordered him around without a care in the world.

“Truth be told, I liked it,” 

“Yikes - kinky.” Deserved, Izana got a light smack to the back of his head. Kakucho’s face flushed a light pink.

“Not like that. Like - um - how do I explain this?” Kakucho paused, organizing his thoughts so he could portray them into dialogue. 

“Being ordered around gave me a sense that I was needed. In a cruel and twisted way. But it made me happy. You needed me,” He spoke. It was a similar feeling to what he feels now. 

Cruel and twisted love. 

Before Kakucho could relish about anything in the past any longer, Izana speaks up, “I’m sorry.” He says with certainty.

“Huh?” The other asks, staring at him with a dumbfounded expression.

“I must not have made it easy for you, huh? Sounds like I made our relationship - or, uh, friendship - pretty damn toxic,” Izana explains. Apologizing on behalf of a person he doesn’t even know himself.

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s partially my fault for letting you get so...like - that ,” Kakucho responds, slightly guilty. He didn’t want Izana to have to feel that way. He never wanted that.

He just wanted Izana to be happy. That’s why he was here, trying to bring him closure. But it feels like he’s hurting him more than helping. The thought of that hurts Kakucho a lot more than Izana leaving ever could.

He wants to help but helping under the condition of Izana reliving all the pain is suffocating. 

God, Kakucho is sure to punch whoever gave Izana back under so many terms; god, demigod, whatever the fuck - into next Wednesday if he ever has the fortune to meet them.

“Nah, nothing was your fault. Definitely mine for dragging you into shit when you were sensitive to stuff like that,” 

“Stuff like what?”

“You know, being cared for, loved. You didn’t have anyone else to order around or bicker with after your parents, right? You probably looked towards me, and knowing that it was - well, me - I probably took advantage of you,” 

It made sense now that Izana was telling him outright. It did seem like something Izana would do if it had been anyone but him.

“I guess your right. But, to be honest, I probably already knew. Deep down, at least. I was just scared to speak on the topic in fear of losing you,” Kakucho said quietly. 

He slightly sighs. He never thought he’d ever revisit this topic. He’d done so once, asked Izana if he were a pawn that would be thoroughly disposed of if he were to disobey. As a result, he was kicked in the face without receiving a proper answer. Apparently, Kakucho had caught him in one of his bad moods.

He should’ve known not to approach Izana with such a question when he was in one of those moods. One that radiated bloodlust, dying to kick someone until their face caved in and their teeth lay scattered waste across the street.

So he never asked again. But it didn’t stop the seed of doubt that indefinitely sewed its spot into Kakucho’s already sensitive mind. It used to plague Kakucho’s mind like atrament after that day; inky, black, and suffocating. It was a thought that he visited ever so frequently that it became something of visceral intent. 

“It’s okay though, we can start again,” Izana replies - turning to look Kakucho in his eyes. 

There was something so vulnerable in Izana’s violet. A dripping concern laced in misplaced hope, swirling in the endless fields of lavender. 

“What?” 

“You heard me, we’ll start again,” 

Izana reaches his hand out as if asking for a handshake. When Kakucho didn’t reciprocate he giving him a sassy look with the raise of both his eyebrows. Hesitantly, he too grabs Izana’s hand. Squeezing it with the same strength Izana gives him.

“I’m Kurokawa Izana. From today on you are not my servant. From today on, you are my best friend,” Something in Kakucho’s chest aches, a feeling he’d hoped to bury and never resurface until his next life. He dreaded that this would happen. 

“And I’ll treat you with care; no secret strings attached, no conditions, nothing. I’ll love you so you have to love me too,” Kakucho fakes a scoff. Afraid that if he doesn’t say something playful he’ll spill the words he’s been dying to say since childhood.

“There seems to be a lot of conditions,” He replies softly.

“Well damn, fuck you too. Guess I won’t love you then,” Izana says sarcastically, pulling his hand away to cross them over his chest - facing his back towards the other.

“Hey! I was kidding!” Kakucho exclaims, tugging on Izana’s shoulder. Desperate to see that beautiful field of hopeful and welcoming lavender in the crevices of Izana’s eyes.

“So, you’ll love me too right?” Izana asks, turning back with an aloof look. With an embarrassed sigh, Kakucho nods.

“No, say it out loud,” Izana demands.

Putting his head into his hands, a feeling of warmth blooming in his chest (his face too) he lets out a muttered, “I promise I’ll love you too,” 

With that same grin, ready to make Kakucho drop dead at one flash, Izana puts his hand on Kakucho’s head.

“Good!” He says.

They are both there, smiling at each other bashfully at the newfound promise. It’s something Kakucho will hold tight to his being. He’ll treasure this memory until he passes onto a new life, carrying it in his soul until he’s given a new body.

He wants to keep this moment close and never let go, keep Izana close. 

It’s something bittersweet.

Being in the middle of the bike shop, starting a new relationship without toxic terms. Full intent to grow into something healthy, loving, caring, welcoming. Something nice. They stand there, grinning like idiots just to bask in each other’s presence. 

They both can feel it. It flows through Izana’s hand on Kakucho’s hair, trailing through Kakucho’s hand on Izana’s shoulder.

They both fall in love all over again.

But neither said a word.

Afraid that it’ll ruin the illusion.

.

The wind is soft on Izana’s skin. Blowing his bangs out of his vision, Tenjiku uniform fluttering in the breeze. A sunset melted to a messy yellow, purple, and pink catastrophe. A pretty catastrophe. 

But having Izana in the front of it all, able to see the sunset slightly even through his body, it’s a perfect scene.

A genuine smile on his face, pretty violet eyes that are sure to kill Kakucho one day. 

It’s more than anything he’s ever asked for.

“It’s beautiful,” Izana mumbles softly, taking a seat at the edge of the building. Kakucho would warn him to be careful if he hadn’t already experienced death.

“I wonder what would happen if I fell. Think my bones would break?” Izana jokes, snickering to himself as he turns to Kakucho.

“Please don’t test out that theory,” The other sighs, walking over to sit by his side. Though, he’s much more careful.

“I wouldn’t do that to you, idiot,” Izana replies. 

There’s a comfortable silence that settles in the air. Watching the sunset, simply there with each other. It’s a dream - honestly. God, Izana wonders why old him didn’t spend his days with Kakucho like this. It felt so much better than any half-assed revenge he could’ve gotten from killing anyone.

He mentally curses himself, making a note in his mind to punch himself later when Kakucho was asleep.

“Did we spend time up here often?” Izana asks, breaking the silence. Kakucho responds with a resounding hum.

“We spent a lot of time up here. Whether it be planning, sleeping, eating, whatever. But we were up here a lot. It was kind of like Tenjiku’s meeting place with the amount of time’s you’ve dragged admins’ to this place,” 

Izana smiles. He can see it faintly. He can hear different types of voices as the memories flood back in. He can see the Haitani brothers, Mucho, Shion, and Kakucho a bit more clearly now.

But now he can hear Kisaki and Hanma, their faces evident in Izana’s gaze. Disgusting.

Faintly, footsteps began to approach Izana’s behind. Kisaki Tetta and Hanma Shuji sat quietly by his side, sitting silently and watching the sunset.

It was a disturbing sight, in Kakucho’s defense. Seeing Kisaki - who was so blatantly using Izana for his own resolve watching the sun seep out of their view. Something that only he and Izana used to do. 

Who was Kisaki to disturb their peace?

“Izana!” Kakucho exclaimed. Getting attention from the other two but not Izana himself, “I don’t agree with this!” Izana’s visibly stiffened. Either from surprise or anger from clear insubordination from Izana’s most loyal second.

“I don’t see a reason to kill!” 

That’s right. That was the day that Izana instigated and allowed the death of his sister, Kurokawa Emma. Well, technically she was Sano Emma now.

“Tenjiku’s meeting place, huh? Man, this is a sucky spot to be a meeting place. I’m surprised I didn’t push a subordinate off the building during a tantrum,” Izana responds.

“You liked it because of the city view. You said it made you feel on the top of Yokohama,” There’s a pause in his sentence. Smiling at the memory.

“It was mainly our place. We spent most of our time here,” Kakucho explains.

“Another of our safe havens?” 

Our.

Kakucho smiles.

“Yes,” Another round of silence falls between them. The two watch as the sun sets, disappearing over the ocean far off in the distance. Half an hour to reach on a bike.

Izana takes a glance in Kakucho’s direction. There’s a soft smile on his face. It causes a stir in Izana’s chest. A storm? He wasn’t sure. It sure felt like it. 

It’s hard for him to put into words. It feels like heartburn, he can’t breathe correctly, his palms start to sweat despite not being able to form sweat on his body anymore. He feels so warm and fuzzy despite not having body temperature at all. A giddy feeling, something so welcoming that Izana doesn’t even bother to push it away.

Instead, he embraces it. He shouldn’t - he really shouldn’t. He should be pushing and shoving it away, not allowing its entry. But it feels so good, so nice. 

Being here with Kakucho, with his friend, it feels so nice. Unbearably nice. Undeservingly nice. He wishes it could stay like this forever. Izana wants nothing more than to stay with him for the rest of his life, live out his days, and create nothing but happy memories that he can look back at.

But he knows that can’t happen.

Albeit, it won’t stop him from trying.

“Is there something on my face?” Kakucho asks. Seems he caught onto the blatant staring from the ghost. 

“No, you’re just nice to look at,” Izana responds truthfully, quickly recovering from the initial embarrassment of being caught. Though Kakucho doesn’t have as quick of a recovery as Izana does. He can visibly see the red slowly flushing his skin, the twitch of his lips that betray his want to smile shamelessly. 

Kakucho ends up hiding his face in his hands. It’s fun like this. Teasing Kakucho until he melts into a puddle.

“Hey, Izana?” Pulled out of his thoughts again, Izana looks over. Eyes meeting each other.

“Wanna make another promise?” Visibly, Izana reclines in confusion before leaning in due to anticipation.

“What kind of promise?”

There’s a bashful look that envelopes Kakucho’s face. 

“I may be a bit selfish saying this but I want you to promise me something,” There’s a pause in his words, swallowing his nerves before he can back down.

“Can we...spend our next life together? I want you to wait for me after we find you closure. Then we could, you know, make new memories together. Without toxic chains preventing us from doing what we want. I just want to be with you,” Kakucho whispers the last part softly, almost like he doesn’t want Izana to hear.

But he does.

“-Being here with you like this is nice. A lot more than nice,” 

“Of course,” Izana agrees in a heartbeat. There isn’t even a seconds’ worth of hesitation. 

“I’ll wait for you. We can make new memories in our next life, and our life after that, and all the other ones. And if I die and seek you out again then at least I’ll actually have good memories of not being an asshole,” He responds, that usual beautiful smile on his face. Kakucho has never gotten the wind knocked out of him in a fight, but there’s something enchanting about Izana’s fucking smile.

It feels like he can’t breathe.

“Please don’t joke about that,” Kakucho sighs.

“Sorry, too soon?” Izana snickers. 

Of course. If Kakucho asks Izana would stop the tilt of the entire world just to wait for him to catch up. He’d wait until the end of time, defy every logic and illogical thing known to man if it would give Kakucho back to him after his departure.

Departure. 

That’s right. 

Really, they’re just delaying the inevitable by doing this, aren’t they? Or maybe it’s bringing the inevitable closer. But the more that Izana gains his memories, the more he suspects just what he needed closure for.

“Then it’s a promise, you’re stuck with me, Kurokawa Izana!” Kakucho exclaims, the proclamation resonated within the air. Spreading through the heart of the city as Izana feels that familiar warmth spread through his chest again. Kakucho smiles abashedly. 

God, it’s a beautiful sight.

“Ugh, maybe I shouldn’t have promised,” Izana replies with sarcasm, turning his head away before he’s caught with such a vulnerable look in his eyes. 

“Hah?!” 

During this moment, bickering with each other and smiling, laughing, and pushing but with extreme caution as to not shove each other off the building - they two are happy again. Another happy memory they can relish in before the inevitable end. Izana is so thankful that he’s having this moment with Kakucho at the top of this rooftop. 

Though, there’s a part of him that wishes he never came up here in the first place. Ignorance is bliss after all.

Because if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have known what he needed closure for.

...

After that fateful encounter at the rooftop, Izana stays quiet about closure. If Kakucho asks if he’s figured it out he’d reply with a resounding no and some shrug.

Izana thought it would be fine, to live their days out like this. It’s not like the rumors of Izana turning vengeful were true, he had no idea whether they were or not. So, in an act of ugly defiance and selfishness, he doesn’t speak a word. He thought it’d be fine, visiting the places they used to, making new memories, being happy. He thought that everything would be okay.

Until it wasn’t.

It was slow, but Izana started to take notice. Kakucho was beginning to stress about not finding the reason behind Izana’s being still stuck here without the ability to pass on. There are days where Izana wants to say, “Can’t we just stay like this forever?” but he knows he can’t.

That’d be slight manipulation on his part. Guilt-tripping him. Izana doesn’t want to revert to his nasty bad habits, he wants to stay clean and pure. But he’s so torn. 

Torn between biting his pride and admitting to Kakucho what he doesn’t want to admit. But that would result in his disappearance, he’d leave this world. Cross the far shore with the inability to look back. He wants so badly to stay with Kakucho, he doesn’t want to leave. He dreads the thought of leaving.

But there’s the problem that if he doesn’t, Kakucho will be consumed by guilt. It’s subtle but he’s beginning to notice the scent of smoke that lingers around him as he comes home from who knows where. The crushed cans of beer slowly but surely begin to invade his room. 

But despite that, despite the anger Kakucho feels towards himself, the guilt that he still hasn’t fulfilled Izana’s wish, he never took it out on Izana. Hell, he still looks at Izana like he’s the whole world. Like nothing could ever compare to him.

It’s an intoxicating feeling, having someone hold you so importantly. And even while Kakucho looks at him like he’d do anything for the other; here was Izana, withholding information to the point where he’s being miserable and beating himself up about it.

He doesn’t want to. Truly, he doesn’t. It hurts him just as much as Kakucho himself is hurting. But, the thought of leaving, crossing over without Kakucho hurt so much more.

So, regretfully, he doesn’t tell a soul.

.

Something’s changed, Izana comes to note. There’s this burning pain, searing and hot, that starts at his chest. At first, it only occurred for a few moments so Izana let it pass. But as it kept happening, the confusion and concern only grew. 

So one day, while Kakucho had yet again disappeared, probably seeking places he and Izana had been before to bring him, Izana took off his trenchcoat, following with his shirt. And there it was. Despite the transparency, there was a void of pure black on his chest. Branching off the three scars on his body. It looked like a drop of ink in a pool of clear water.

But again, Izana continues to make stupid decisions and decides not to tell Kakucho. Because if he does, Kakucho’s guilt will get even worse. But each time he has to lie to Kakucho, that searing pain gets more and more painful. Slowly but surely, it begins to spread. 

A horrible reminder of the sin he’s committing. The horrible things he’s putting Kakucho through all for the selfishness of his already vulnerable and dead heart.

He doesn’t want to let go. And whatever this black ink is, it’s a cruel reminder of the inevitable.

.

“Don’t become an alcoholic or I’ll kick you in the gut each time you bring beer back,” Izana comments, laying on Kakucho’s bed as the mentioned man comes in sluggishly with a plastic bag. Cheap booze bought from a near convenience store is something he’s come home with lately.

“Ugh, why have you remembered how to fight but not what’ll help you pass on peacefully?” Kakucho sighs. Izana gives a shameless smile as Kakucho flops into bed next to him.

“Sorry, still nothing,” He suppresses a wince as he feels the black substance trail further towards his collarbone and down to his hipbone.

“You don’t have to apologize, it’s not your fault,” The pain seeps further into his cold skin.

“You better tell yourself that too,” Izana says playfully, nudging Kakucho with his elbow. He simply gives a chuckle in return.

“I won’t make this a habit. It’d be a sucky thing to force you to watch me get addicted,” Kakucho says with a low hum, popping open a beer.

You said that two months ago, Izana thinks with a half-hearted smile.

“How can you drink that shit? It smells gross,” Kakucho lets out a laugh before taking a sip, shitty taste and burns trailing down his throat as he swallows. It tastes like shit enough for Kakucho to temporarily forget his guilt. To forget the fact that Izana is here as a ghost and that he could potentially wake up and Izana has disappeared. 

The fact that Kakucho could wake up one day and Izana has left for the far shore against his will, become something horrible, something he doesn’t want to be, something that could prevent their promises makes Kakucho sick to his stomach. The fact that he’s failing in his search to help Izana pass and at any given moment he could fail - god - he just wants to drink it all away.

“Hey, it’s cheap. What can I say?” Kakucho snickers, letting out a pained sound and making sure not to spill his cheap booze on his bed as Izana elbows him in the gut.

“Just don’t get piss drunk. I’m not helping you with a hangover again,” 

“Yes, sir,” 

Despite his warnings, Kakucho got drunk. Though it’s not that bad. Just a little beyond tipsy, enough for his words to slur, and enough that he doesn’t have a filter. 

Enough to make impulsive decisions.

“Dude, when Shion was talking all that big shit and got instantly rocked by Peh-yan was fucking hilarious!” Izana snickers. That’s one of his good memories from that day. Watching him talk such big shit then getting folded in one punch was the funniest shit to him.

Kakucho, drunk, of course, was laughing his ass off. Every emotion seemed exponentially enhanced. Things that he’d merely chuckle at when sober was sending him into a fit of laughter that his cheeks would hurt by the end of everything.

“That guy is so embarrassing,” Kakucho agrees, pleased to hear Izana’s snicker of approval. They’re at his bed - having the time of their lives. As sick as it is, Izana likes it when Kakucho is drunk. He’s able to see the amusement and happiness clear on his face. He doesn’t get to see sights like that when he’s sober - at least, he hasn’t in the past month and a half.

“How the hell did I even let him in Tenjiku?” Izana chuckles, accompanied by Kakucho’s loud laugh as he takes another sip of beer.

“I don’t know man. I don’t think he’s ever felt the touch of a woman,” Kakucho snickers, gulping down the burning liquid. Leaving a trail of fire down his throat.

“You’re probably right,” Izana agrees with a laugh.

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

“You know, you were popular, did you ever have feelings for someone?” Kakucho asks, turning his head to face Izana. There’s a glazed-over look in his eyes. Something that’s always there when he’s drunk. It prevents Izana from reading Kakucho. When intoxicated, Kakucho doesn’t know himself. Let alone Izana having the ability to tell what he’s thinking. It sucks for conversations like these.

“You’re asking the ghost with amnesia? Yeah, good luck,” Izana replies with his usual level of sarcasm. 

Kakuchou’s had just enough alcohol to make his sense of right or wrong a bit fuzzy. To differentiate what was a good decision or a bad one was all mulled over and hazy in the fit of bitter and cheap ass booze that settles on his tongue.

“Then let me rephrase that a bit better,” Kakucho mutters, getting up from where he’s sitting to crawl towards Izana. Understandably panicked, Izana backs up. Only for his back to hit the wall. Times like these where he wishes that stupid ghost stereotype; being able to float and sink his transparent hands through walls - was true.

“Do you have feelings for anyone now ?” Settling over Izana’s thighs, Kakucho cups his face. The smell was definitely something Izana doesn’t find pleasant but he’s much too distracted.

Hyper focused on the man towering above Izana, so close that their breathing was mingled. He could almost taste the alcohol on his tongue.

“Kakucho-” Before getting another word in, he’s being kissed. Rushed and hurried, a desperate attempt to search for something so clearly there. One drowned out by the beer, the other blissed out from want - the two of them melt into mutual desire. 

For once in a long time, Izana’s able to feel that enjoyable tightness of his chest as a result of Kakucho’s being over the searing pain of black that grows to taint his body. His heart is beating so fast if his heart can beat at all. If it’s not, then his head is pounding.

Bringing up his hands to hold the back of Kakucho’s neck, they share a moment of bliss. Neither of them dwelling on the consequences these actions will certainly bring. And surely, as Izana opens his mouth, he can certainly taste the bitter alcohol coating Kakucho’s tongue.

He wants nothing more than to wipe it away. So he does.

If Kakucho would give Izana a second to fucking breath, Izana would’ve grinned like a damn fool. He was so happy right now he could die without regrets despite already being, well, dead. He wants to stay like this, Kakucho’s arms wrapped around the back of his neck, slowly finding their way to tangle up in his hair that doesn’t grow anymore; while he held Kakucho’s face softly, kissing back earnestly. 

When they pull away, it’s like a weight had been lifted off his chest. Both of them. Like a burden was being pulled away from them, releasing themselves into peace and clarity.

Of course, for these two, good things never last long. 

They never do.

“So? Do you have feelings for me too?” Kakucho asks softly, he was still so close that it causes Izana’s mind to hide behind a thick fog of desire. However, realizing he has to answer rips him straight through the fog and pulled to the edge of a cliff. It’s either a leap of faith - or certain death.

And of course, the coward that he is, he decides against the leap of faith. 

The silence and the apologetic look in Izana’s eyes was all the answer Kakucho needed. Again, it feels like he’s been plunged into a cold sea. A bucket of freezing cold water dumped over his head. 

He’s stunned to silence.

“ Seriously?” Kakucho sneers. The little bit of hope he had held onto so tightly when Izana kissed him back was ripped straight out of his arms. Never to return again. 

“Kakucho, listen, I-” 

“No no no no. No.” Chanting it like it’s the last word he’ll ever know Kakucho is off Izana in an instant. The weight of the situation dawning on him, hitting him over the head like a fucking flower pot dropping from a ten-story building. 

It sobered him up right away.

Well, to an extent.

“Please, listen to me-” Izana tried to get a word in, reaching out for his friend before he was promptly slapped away. 

“No. No! Fuck you! You’ve been stringing me along from the fucking beginning haven’t you?!” The lingering bits of alcohol in his system caused him to react blindly. Not calmly like he’d usually do. Talk it out and hear what Izana would say. 

Listen to Izana when he told him to listen.

But the alcohol is preventing him from doing so.

“No! Just fucking listen-” 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” It had been the first time Kakucho had ever shouted at him. Hell, for this Izana, the first time he’s ever shouted at all. Let alone in anger. Let alone at him . 

“That promise was fucking fake, wasn’t it?! You knew about my fucking feelings, teased me, flirted with me, despite not feeling the same?? Fuck you, Izana! You’re a fucking asshole!” He was blinded by rage. Probably heartbreak too. But Izana stayed silent and took every insult. He deserved it. Each and every one.

“You haven’t changed a bit! You’re still the fucking insane and cruel bastard that you were from the beginning! I bet you know what you fucking need closure for too! Don’t you?” 

“It’s not that-”

“FUCKING DON’T YOU?!” Met with silence and Izana’s avoiding gaze, Kakucho let out a scoff. Truly, he was stupid that he hadn’t seen this from the beginning. He’d been blinded by the blissful fact that Izana had been given back to him that he hadn’t seen he was being used again.

Of fucking course he was being used. That’s all he’s ever been good for. Being a fucking tool.

“Wow, fucking wow. Here I thought you changed but you’re still the same scummy fuck that killed your own sister,” 

That one hurt. 

“You’re right. You definitely deserved to get shot. Better yet, I wish Kisaki were here to shoot you dead right now. Fuck I don’t even want to see you right now,” With another angered scoff, Kakucho refused to look Izana in the eyes. Afraid of the hurt he knew would look back at him.

“I wish I never fell in love with you,” Kakucho muttered bitterly, tossing his now empty can of beer in Izana’s direction. Still, completely unphased and unflinching, Izana took the hit as the small amount of beer that had been inside trickled down his transparent skin when the can hit him dead in the head.

That one hurt even more.

As Kakucho slammed the door to his bedroom behind him, walking to who knows where Izana crumbled on the spot.

“I wish you didn’t too,” Izana whispered under his breath. Truly, he was sorry. He wished Kakucho hadn’t fallen in love with the likes of him. 

.

That night was the worst night Izana had ever experienced. Before and after death. It hurt worse than Shinichiro’s departure. Everything hurt so badly. 

For the first time since he was shot dead, Izana cried. He cried so hard and for fuck knows how long. Alone and cold in Kakucho’s empty bed, sobbing so loud because he knew no one could hear him.

Eventually, he had to get up. The burning pain of the ink he knew was spreading throughout his body was becoming way too much to bear. Everything hurt. Izana was sure that he’d pass out from pain if he still had the bodily functions to pass out. Honestly, it just made him cry harder. 

Ripping off the Tenjiku uniform as fast as he could, throwing his undershirt somewhere in the room, he stared at the mirror. Absolute hatred in his eyes at his own appearance. 

The black had doubled in size. No, doubled was an understatement. It was so much larger. The black trailed down his hip, disappearing under the waistband of his pants; it trailed up to his adam’s apple, to the tips of his shoulders. It was bad. He knew that it had something to do with converting into a vengeful spirit. He could tell. Izana never felt hatred, he never felt anger, he never felt sadness.

But ever since he’d come to terms with the fact that he’d fallen in love with Kakucho, a mere human living his life peacefully on the near shore, the ink had gotten bigger and bigger with every lie he told. With every self-hatred thought that slowly began to inch into his mind. Hell, even the inevitable sadness he felt when he watched Kakucho sleep peacefully at night. Not able to interact with him.

“Fuck me,” Izana muttered bitterly, turning around and peaking over his shoulder. His back was so much worse. It was pure black. All the way from somewhere under the fabric of his pants to the very top of Izana’s neck where his hairline ended. 

Fuck. 

How had Kakucho missed that? It was so obvious from the contrast of his white hair to the pitch-black void on his skin. It wasn’t transparent in any way, pure and solid black. It looked terrifying.

Again, it was burning. It was growing. Everything hurt. So Izana did nothing at all to prevent it. He deserved this pain. Everything Kakucho had told him was true. He shouldn’t have been given this second chance at forgiveness. He should’ve known.

After all, there was no saving him.

.

Everything Kakucho said wasn’t true. Currently, on the bench of a park, Kakucho had his head in his hands. He wanted to cry, but he had more pride in himself than to be 21 years old and cry at a children’s park bench at 4 in the morning. Well, what little pride he had left anyway.

“Fuck, I’m such an asshole,” He muttered. Every single word he had thrown at Izana probably hurt him more than it hurt the one he had said them to. Fuck, he had thrown something at Izana.

He remembers the first time he met Izana. Seeing his pretty purple eyes panic over his tears. Bitching and whining that he was bitching and whining and that he looked like a kicked puppy. But when Kakucho left his own bedroom, one last glance back, that utter hurt in Izana’s eyes stabbed a hole through his heart.

He didn’t even wait to listen. He just lashed out because of the alcohol, the alcohol Izana warned him to not take too much. The Izana who was worried about starting an addiction. The Izana who he told such cruel things to instead of face things head-on and not take the pussy way out.

But he did. He was a coward. 

And the result of his actions left both of them in unbearable pain. One in physical pain, the other in horrible emotional pain.

“What the hell am I doing?” Kakucho whispered.

What was he doing? Fuck. Why did he even leave? Why hadn’t he turned back and ran straight to Izana’s side? Why was he alone?

Why wasn’t Izana here with him too? 

God, everything hurt. He wanted nothing more than Izana’s comforting smile to coax him back to clarity. Izana was a storm. The cause of many problems that Kakucho currently faced. But he was also the peace of it all. The thing that made every sucky misfortune in his life slightly bearable. 

He was the eye of the storm along with the storm that of itself. A complicated one he is. Only Kakucho knew how to handle or read him.

Only Kakucho.

And here that Kakucho was - not running back to comfort Izana for a change. Do something fucking useful to him for once in his miserable life. 

All in fear of feeling rejected again. 

Truly, Kakucho wishes he never fell in love with Izana.

Izana didn’t deserve it. Because Kakucho was a fucking asshole.

.

Groaning in pain, Kakucho stirred to consciousness. Fuck, his neck hurt. Honestly, everything hurt. Probably from the awful stiffness and awkward position he slept in from falling asleep drunk on a fucking park bench. God. Not only does everything hurt but he also feels like shit - emotionally.

“Fuck, I wish I never woke up,” Kakucho mutters, tossing his arm over his face and letting out a sigh. Though he doesn’t truly mean that. He couldn’t leave Izana all alone.

Yet here he was, doing exactly that.

...Fuck.

It’s early afternoon by the time Kakucho swallows up his pride and heads back to his apartment. Part of him is glad because he gets to see Izana again. But there’s a small part of him that’s panicking. What if Izana is there? What if he left because of the things I said? What if he turned vengeful under the guilt of the words I shamelessly threw at him? What if he hates me?

You know, the usual.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” That’s really all Kakucho mutters as he enters his apartment. He expected eerie silence but instead, he’s met with muffled noises. Loud enough to be heard from the front door. 

That worries him.

“Izana?!” Kakucho shouts, kicking his shoes off in a hurry as he stumbles to his room. Maybe he hadn’t heard him. The thought of something happening to him immediately drowned out any hesitance he had beforehand. 

“Izana!” At the shout, the sounds seemed to have stopped. Maybe because he was closer and probably making a fucking racket from tripping over himself and breaking shit that Izana could finally hear him.

Opening the door in a hurry, he’s met with Izana.

He’s there, smiling at him like he totally doesn’t have tears streaming down his face. Like he’s not wincing in pain. Like his eyes aren’t fucking swollen from crying for - what? Almost 12 hours now? Jesus, that just made him feel worse.

But what catches his eye is the horrible black marks spread across Izana’s body. His trenchcoat and undershirt were tossed in a hurry somewhere in one of the corners of Kakucho’s room. It’s trailed so far down he could see it at Izana’s ankles. It’s reached his elbows and even creeping up towards Izana’s jaw.

That wasn’t there before he left. 

“Fucking christ, what the hell happened to you?” Kakucho asks, dropping anything he had in his hands as he rushed over to Izana in an instant.

Horrible guilt weighed heavy in Kakucho’s chest when Izana flinches away from his touch.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Really, I’m okay,” Izana responds hurriedly as if he had rehearsed for this in the hours of Kakucho’s departure. He looked so sad, so vulnerable like this was the end. And it was breaking Kakucho’s heart in so many indescribable ways.

“Clearly not,” Kakucho attempts to reach out, touch Izana’s skin, and find out what the hell is on him before his hand is promptly slapped away.

Just like Kakucho had done to him last night.

Fuck , this hurts.

“I’m okay,” Izana responds. The look in his eyes almost convinced him if it weren’t for his voice shaking in pain. Fuck. Fuck! Was this his fault? Did something happen to Izana because of him? God, just thinking about it makes Kakucho want to puke up everything he had eaten the day prior.

“You don’t look okay,” Kakucho mumbles, reluctantly bringing his hand back to his own side. 

“Neither do you. You look like you crawled straight out of a dumpster fire,” Well, glad that Izana still had enough spirit to be a sarcastic prick.

“Thanks,” Kakucho replies with a chuckle despite it being a blatant insult. He was perfectly okay with that. He deserved words a lot worse than that. So much worse than that for the shit he pulled last night.

There’s an awkward silence that fell between the two of them. Something that hadn’t happened since the very first time they met since Izana’s death. The day that Kakucho got a deserved kick to the dick for groping Izana’s chest like some pervert that had been deprived of a woman’s touch since childbirth.

It’s painful.

“Hey, about last night. I really-”

“Let’s go on a date,” Izana responds, completely cutting off the apology Kakucho had been rehearsing since 4 am last night.

“...what?” Kakucho asks, understandably confused.

“Let’s go on one last date. It’ll be our first and our last,” Before he could add in another confused question Izana puts a finger to his lips. Wincing from the pain of moving his arms.

“-After that, we can talk. We’ll talk about everything. I’ll tell you everything and you can tell me anything. One last promise. And this time I swear to you on Shinichiro’s grave that I’m being genuine,” That shut Kakucho right up. Though he was confused, worried, and ashamed - he just nodded.

He’d find out soon enough. At the end of the day. So, just like they’ve been doing from the start,

Why not delay the inevitable? 

…

At first, it was awkward. Kakucho was much more concerned about whether or not Izana was in pain and what the fuck was happening. But, as always, that beautiful smile of his and those hauntingly gorgeous eyes hushed him right up.

It took about an hour. But soon enough, Izana’s soft voice, cold hand gripping his own, smiling as if it’s the last time he’ll ever smile, Kakucho was once again coaxed into forgetting everything.

And again, naively, he looked at Izana as if he were the only thing left in the world.

There were times where Kakucho would want to question what was happening but a teasing kiss to his cheek, a sneaky smile sent his way, a light punch of playfulness would prevent him from doing so. 

Besides, it was something long overdue. Something both of them deserved. A day to forget everything.

So, forget they did.

They visited an amusement park. Apparently, it was a place Izana always longed to go to when he was still alive. Izana, as expected, was having the time of his life. Making fun of Kakucho for scaring away the little children when they got in line for the teapot ride, snickering at Kakucho who would threaten anyone who tried to sit next to him during rollercoaster rides. 

Though, Kakucho gave as good as he got. Izana was scared out of his wits during the haunted house, denied of cotton candy when Kakucho took a break to have a snack, and totally targeted teasing him when Izana’s soul left his body on the first rollercoaster. 

It was nice. The fun and excitement made them forget everything. The harsh and biting words Kakucho had thrown at the other just a mere night ago, the suffocating guilt of seeing the pain in Izana’s eyes. It was all soon forgotten.

Though, the Ferris wheel was definitely Kakucho’s favorite part. Izana looked so pretty during it. Smiling at him without a care in the world.

It was so effective in making him forget. 

Regretfully so. 

Next, they were at the theaters. Watching the sequel to one of Izana’s favorite movies since he hadn’t lived long enough to do in his last life.

Though, it was a horror movie. And of course, despite being Tenjiku’s top two, and a certain mental illness shared mutually - the two of them were scared shitless . 

Izana let out a scream whenever he was jump scared, which caused Kakucho to jolt in his seat or let out a gasp while flinching. Of course, Izana had the luxury of letting out a screech or voicing his complaints and fears. Kakucho, however, does not. Considering he’s not dead and people can actually hear him. Damn, them ghosts and their steal advantages. 

They had even grabbed onto each other when scared. Like two frightened kittens with nothing but each other to rely on in this cruel and twisted world. Though Kakucho was sure that Izana would leave claw marks on him, he didn’t mind. Again, he gave it as good as he got.

The fear had made him forget completely. Too busy hiding his eyes behind his hands despite peeking through a space between his fingers still corrupted by anticipation. Not failing to jump so badly he almost fell out of his seat.

Kakucho commits everything about Izana to memory. Watching the way he reclines in distaste when the murderer is plunging a knife repeatedly into some poor women’s body, the way that his nails dig into the back of Kakucho’s hands before apologizing profusely; the change in his facial expression when he’s greatly displeased about the bad CGI, or the way he seems to die all over again when he’s jump scared straight out of his skin.

It’s funny to see such knew reactions out of Izana. He forces his brain to remember all of it. Every little detail. 

After that, they stop at a burger joint. The same one that they visit frequently. In their designated seat, away from everyone, as Kakucho eats his burger like it’s going to sprint out the damn door.

As always, Izana is always there to make fun of him about it.

Ignorance is bliss.

The last place they visit is the rooftop. Not a single word was said, nor a single bad thought in mind. They sat there in silence as the sun reached its end, allowing the moon to replace it. Warmer colors beginning to be replaced with darker and cooler colors, spreading slowly throughout the night sky.

Stars painted over and splattered like a flick of a paintbrush reeled back by the fingertip, splattering white speckles of paint on a dark blue and black canvas. 

It’s nice. A comfortable silence eased Kakucho’s mind. Never once did his mind wander. Simply thinking of Izana - as per usual. Not thoughts of worry, no doubt. Thoughts of fondness. Of love. 

They didn’t need to say anything. The occasional looks they shared with each other conveyed more than any dialogue ever could.

But of course, all good things, especially for these two, come to an end.

…

“Man, that was the best!” As the moon was high in the sky, looking down at the two of them as they walked the empty streets back to Kakucho’s apartment.

“Tell me, Izana. Why did you...why ask to go on a date now? And say it like you’re going to disappear forever?” At the question, Izana stops in his tracks. Broken street lamp flickering over him as he turns to face Kakucho, looking him straight in the eye.

“I lied to you,” He states with certainty. The sudden confusion seemed to startle Kakucho.

“I figured out what I needed closure for ever since our promise up at the rooftop. I knew about it but I kept quiet for my own selfishness. And because of it, you were hurt directly. You were hurt as a direct consequence of my decision to keep quiet. And for that, I’m truly sorry,” 

“Why? Why keep quiet? Don’t you want to pass on?”

“Of course I do!” Izana snapped. He seemed surprised at his own outburst, immediately quieting down after muttering a small and whimpered apology.

“I want to go. I want to pass on peacefully because I’m only causing you pain by being here,” 

That’s not true.

“If I don’t go I’ll just keep hurting you. Preventing you from living a happy life. The idea of you developing a fucking smoking and drinking addiction because of the fact that I withheld information from you fucking hurts and I fucking hate myself for it! It’s scary, seeing you of all people spiral into that horrible place,” 

Kakucho keeps quiet. Eager and content to listen to everything Izana has to say to him. Wanting to understand him. Do what he didn’t do last night. He’d listen and he’d understand. No matter what.

“It was so scary, seeing you like that. It hurt so much. I hated myself so much for allowing you to go through that pain alone, all I wanted was to pass on so I’d stop being a burden to the both of us. But, the idea of crossing over to the far shore without you - being anywhere without you hurts even more! I just-” Izana doesn’t fight the sob he lets slip past his lips. His shoulders shake as the pain of the black ink starts to die down as he lets out everything he’s been begging to say.

“-I don’t want to be left alone, you know? I don’t want to be without you but at the same time, I want you to be happy. Can you believe that? Fucking ridiculous, I know,” Izana says, laughing despite himself. More than likely, he’s laughing at himself. At how fucking pitiful he is. 

“I thought that everything would be okay. I thought that I could stay by your side and we could be together, live out your days together. I thought that would be okay. But it’s making us both miserable,” At that, Kakucho finally cuts in. Stepping forward with a pained look on his face. 

He looks ready to cry. Seeing Izana so hurt and so lost, so vulnerable - it’s reaching him in ways he didn’t know was possible.

“You’re wrong! It does make me happy. You being by my side again makes me so happy! You can stay! We can both be happy. I’ll drop the cigarettes, I’ll never touch cheap ass booze again. I’ll stay by your side forever. So - you can stay, right? You can stay while I live out my days, right?” There’s nothing more but the desperation in Kakucho’s voice. And it shatters Izana.

He wants nothing more than to tell him that yes , they can be together forever. Izana could stay with him until Kakucho too is pulled across the far shore. They can live out their days as bliss-filled as this one. 

The itching urge to agree, to comfort Kakucho, to tell him that he’ll stay by his side until they enter their next life together. But he can’t. He can’t lie anymore. If he lies even once more he’s sure that the black will take over the entirety of his body and leave nothing pure behind.

“No, Kaku, we can’t . I’m sorry,” Kakucho knew it was coming, he braced himself after seeing that apologetic look in Izana’s eyes. Yet it still hit him like a tidal wave.

“This isn’t something you want. Me being here, as a ghost, under so many terms that it’s suffocating - it’s just going to do more harm than good. Eventually, it’s just going to hurt us even more. And, besides-” Izana points to the black splotches on his skin, slowly starting to bloom on his jaw.

“-if I keep lying to myself. Lying to both of us I’m fucked,” Izana says with a laugh, joking about the situation despite everything.

“Are those-? What are-”

“I have no idea. They started when I realized what I needed closure for. And each time I lied, each time I felt horrible for making you guilty, each time I felt selfishly scared of leaving your side - the spots grew. And now, it’s all over my entire body,” Izana explained. At that, Kakucho winced. 

“Is it painful?” He asked with extreme hesitation.

“Yeah, feels like I’m being burned alive each time I lie to you,” Again, he winces. Had Izana really been going through that all for him? Just because he wants to stay by his side? There’s a sick part of him that twists in happiness. Happiness that someone was willing to go so far for him - despite how fucked up it was.

“Izana-”

“See? We can’t - I can’t stay here. I have to go or I’ll become something I’ll hate, that you’ll hate. Something harmful. And if that happens, I won’t be able to keep the promises I’ve made with you,” At the last sentence, Kakucho finally understood. 

He understood the meaning of the date. He understood why it would be their first and their last. Slowly but surely, he was beginning to understand everything. It all was coming full circle. The circle had been winding, drunken loops that seemed never-ending, but it finally tied together. In a sick and twisted bow.

“That’s so-”

“-Cruel. I know,” Looking into each other’s eyes, it’s like only the two of them stand on this world. It was only the two of them in this entire street, only them in the entirety of Yokohama; of Japan, of Asia. 

Just them.

And Kakucho focuses on nothing but the quiver of Izana’s lips, desperate to let out another sob.

“Oh, Kaku. Why did it have to be us two? Why couldn’t we have happy lives like everyone else? Why’d it have to be us?” Izana whispers, afraid if he used the true extent of his voice he’d hear just how vulnerable he sounded - then proceed to break down.

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s not fair. None of this was fucking fair,” Kakucho responds, inching closer to Izana with hesitation. Like approaching a hurt lion. 

But with gentle care, Kakucho is able to cup Izana’s face in his hands and help wipe away his tears. 

“So you really can’t stay? Is that why you asked to go on one more date? Was it out of pity?” Kakucho asks nervously, slightly afraid of Izana’s answer. With a huff of annoyance, Izana steps back. 

“You’re seriously stupid, aren’t you?” At the sudden insult, Kakucho reels back in confusion. Just before he’s pulled back in by force, a soft kiss planted on his lips. 

Despite the situation and the weight of what was happening, Kakucho’s brain has a complete and utter shutdown. Sure, he’d kissed Izana when he was drunk and had nerves of steel all thanks to alcohol - but he didn’t have that right now! 

Just a vulnerable heart that was ready for rejection.

But rejection was not what he received.

“You idiot!” Izana exclaims, pulling away to smash their foreheads together in mutual pain, groaning at the contact and holding the damaged flesh with their hands.

“I brought you on one last date because if I said this before right now, I’d fucking disappear!” He exclaims, pointing an accusing finger in Kakucho’s face as if he was supposed to piece together everything.

He thought he pieced together everything but clearly fucking not now that he’s got another mouth full of Izana. Though, he doesn’t complain in the slightest. 

“Kakucho,” He whispers once pulled away. Holding his face softly in his hands.

Like he’s holding the whole world in his hands. For the first time in a while, Kakucho feels like he’s being handle with care. Like a worker being handed a cardboard box with the sticker warning that says ‘Warning: Fragile Content Inside!’, but he doesn’t in the slightest mind the gentle treatment.

He fucking loves it.

“I love you. I love you so so much. I adore you. I love everything about you. The way that you shrink up in embarrassment, the way you cringe in disgust when you don’t cook your eggs to perfection, the way you relax when I brush your hair. Everything. I love all of it,” Izana confesses. For both of them, it feels like their chests are tightening so much that they’ll burst. Like someone who’s grown too big for a button-up, the plastic buttons flying out when it doesn’t fit.

Slowly but softly, Izana traces his finger over Kakucho’s scar. Stopping to rub away a tear in his blind eye. Another result to losing someone close to him.

“I love every part of you. You’re beautiful, Kaku,” Bashfully, embarrassed, and flustered, Izana offers a grin. It’s beautiful. Something so ground-shaking Kakucho feels like the air had been ripped straight out of his lungs. 

He’s so so beautiful like this. Accompanied by the words he’s been hearing in deep dreams, he wants to cry. He’s overwhelmed with the most unexplainable happy emotions that he could run laps around this block for the next 35 hours without having to stop once.

So he does. He cries.

“That’s what I didn’t tell you. The closure I needed was never admitting that I truly did care for you. Sure, I got some of it out, but I didn’t get it all out. Not everything. Just the beginning of what I wanted to say,” Izana whispers comfortingly, helping to wipe away Kakucho’s tears as they run fast down his cheeks.

“I love you,” Kakucho whispers. It’s the only thing he can manage to say without breaking into a fit of sobs.

“Kaku, you don’t have to cry. It’ll be alright. Everything’s going to be just fine. When I leave, everything is going to remain the same. The earth will turn, the sky will stay blue, everything will be just as perfect as I left it. Okay?” 

“But I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to leave. You really can’t stay? You can’t stay forever with me?” 

“You know I can’t. Neither of us can stay without being harmed one way or another. It’s better to part on our own terms, right?” With heavy reluctance, Kakucho nods. Slowly and carefully. 

He’s finally understood everything. The puzzle was complete. His feelings were sorted out. But it doesn’t make anything hurt any less.

“But what do I do when you’re gone? What more do I have left to do here? Can’t I just go with you?” The question is tempting, but Izana refuses immediately.

“No, Kaku. That’s something I can’t let you do. No matter how tempting and how much you want to go to me, that’s a line I never want you to cross. Besides, who will take care of my grave if not you? You’re the only person that cares about me after all,” Izana says with a small chuckle despite the tears rolling down his face endlessly.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. You were kind of an asshole to everyone,” Kakucho agrees with a laugh. Deciding to leave on light-hearted terms instead of sad ones. Though, it makes him laugh a bit harder when Izana sends him an annoyed look.

Like they’re bickering without a care in the world again. Like they have all the time in the world.

But of course, that’s not true.

“Asshole,” Izana mumbles. But after a few beats of silence and Kakucho pressing his lips against Izana’s again, he speaks.

“Besides, there’s no rush, right? I would never break any of the promises we’ve made together. No matter whoever I have to beat an inch to their life, dead or alive, I’ll wait for you. And we can go to our next life together, okay?” Izana asks, fingers pressed into Kakucho’s cheeks as they hold onto each other for dear life.

“Yeah, you better kick their ass if they try and stop you. Because I’ll be upset if I cross over and you’re not there waiting for me,” Kakucho snickers, happy to hear Izana’s giggle.

“Yeah, yeah you big spoiled baby,” Izana says with his usual level of sarcasm, rolling his eyes.

There’s another roll of silence. And this time they can tell it’s the last. With another tender kiss, Izana slips out of Kakucho’s arms and standing straight up abruptly with an idiotic grin.

“So! Live your life! Live a long fucking life or I’ll beat your fucking ass when you cross! I’ll tell Shinichiro all about you and bitch and whine about how you like chocolate more than vanilla!” Izana suddenly exclaims, pointing an accusing finger at Kakucho’s face.

“A long life?”

“Yeah! Reach out to whoever the fuck you want! Just let them in but - don’t fucking kiss them. If you cheat on me both me and Shinichiro are beating your fucking ass with a wrench. I’ll due you in like Kazutora did my older brother,” Yikes. That threat definitely seemed genuine. 

“Jeez, possessive much?” Kakucho laughs, he too breaking into some wide grin like he’s a little kid again. 

“Seriously, I mean it! We’re boyfriends now and forever on. Into all of our new lives, you’re my fucking boyfriend and no you don’t get to reject me or turn me down,” Izana huffs, seemingly, just like from the beginning, over his crying fit in an instant.

“Yes, your highness,” Kakucho smiles before pressing another kiss to Izana’s lips. He relishes the way Izana smiles at him like he’s the only person in the whole world. 

“In our next life, I’ll confess to you first. And that’s not up to debate!” Izana shouts, turning on his heel and running to the end of the street. Kakucho knew this was goodbye. But not permanently. They’d be together forever just like they promised.

“I fucking love you, dumbass! And make sure not to get slapped by Emma when you pass on!” Kakucho shouts with pride, laughing at the annoyed glanced Izana sends in response. He doesn’t pursue him. He simply watches as Izana turns the corner, hesitates for a moment to flash another grin and wave, before turning the corner and running out of sight.

Standing there, a smile on his face. Kakucho knows he shouldn’t follow him. He should leave it here, a perfect last goodbye. He’d meet him on the other side after living a long and happy life. 

But, his body betrays him. He tears into a sprint, dashing to the end of the straight and turning the corner.

But Izana isn’t there to greet him. He’s not there to scold him for ruining what could’ve been a perfect and sappy romantic goodbye. 

Izana’s gone. But that doesn’t cause Kakucho’s smile to falter.

Because Kurokawa Izana is a man of his word. He’d wait for Kakucho no matter what. So he doesn’t feel sadness at his departure. It’s a goodbye but not a permanent one. A see you soon. 

So, with a heavy heart, Kakucho walks back to his apartment where he’s met with silence. 

And cries.

_

“Hey, dickhead! Over here!” Like he’s taking his first breath of the new year, Kakucho stares in complete wonder. Every emotion you could ever think of caught in his throat. 

Izana is there to welcome him to the other side. Shinichiro glaring at him like a protective father and Emma at his side with this excitement like she’s receiving a gift. Kakucho stares there dumbly.

He’d done exactly what Izana asked him to. He lived a long and hopeful life. He’d done everything that Izana wanted of him just to avoid getting bashed over the head with a wrench. 

“Are you gonna wait forever?” Izana asks with that stupid smug smirk that Kakucho wants to softly push off. But, instead, he’s dashing at him with so much speed. Shoving past other souls ready to see their families after being departed for so long. He’s running so fast that he might’ve seen god.

But it’s all okay. He realizing that he’s done okay as he jumps into Izana’s arms. Tackling him to the floor. Kissing him like his life depends on it. No inch of Izana’s face was left unscathed. Peppered in soft kisses and nothing but love as he cries.

Shinichiro lets out a reluctant sigh before he smiles with fondness. Emma is making fun of them in a loving sister way. And he’s sure that Baji is somewhere in the distance gagging.

But he doesn’t care. He doesn’t see them at all. He only sees Izana in front of him, laughing his heart out and silently crying in happiness as he hugs Kakucho close.

It’s the first of many.

But they live out their promise.

They spend their entirety together.

They never once left each other’s side again.