Chapter Text
"You won't be able to go back to your stupid fiance and pretend all this never happened," says Kylo in between bites on the tender skin under Hux's collarbone.
"Please, please." Hux has a very vague idea of what he is asking for. He wants Kylo and Kylo is with him now. That's all that matters.
"Yeah? You want him to know? To see the marks?" With one hand Kylo pulls Hux's shorts and underwear down just enough to expose his dick. His other hand is still in Hux's hair. "You need me to fuck you? To properly fill your horny hole before you go back to him?"
Hux nods, helping him to get rid of his pants completely, while Kylo takes off his own shirt and tugs his shorts down to his ankles.
"One last good fuck, that's what you want, huh? He doesn't fuck you like I do, does he?"
"Shut up! I don't want to hear about him."
"And what do you want?"
Hux is sitting on the cold tiled floor, resting his back on the bathtub. The tap is fully open, water is running. Such a waste.
Hux is gasping for air, calming himself down, fighting back the tears. He shouldn't do this, he should hide here.
He is miserable. His hand grasps the soft fiber of the mat. The mat is his favorite shade of grey, that he spent so many hours searching for when decorating their apartment. He was so happy when he bought it. Somehow this simple memory pacifies his mind.
What could happen in the life of a successful thirty-two-year-old accountant that he ends up almost crying in the bathroom, feeling completely powerless and useless?
Hux had been dating Poe for almost two years. Their relationship was nice. Poe was nice: attractive, easy-going, with a perfect smile and a good job. It was easy to fall for someone like him. It was much harder to believe that such a perfect person would look at someone unspecial like Hux.
Poe was the guy who was always in the center of the room telling jokes, the guy with whom people always wanted to be friends and the guy at whose photos Hux's coworkers always smiled or did other equally stupid gestures when Hux showed them on his phone. Not that Hux wanted to show any photos to anyone, but people at the office demand to share pictures from the vacations. And maybe, just maybe Hux was a bit proud to show off his handsome new boyfriend.
Poe was almost the exact opposite of Hux, who is an introvert, with a cold collected air around him, with whom the majority of people were afraid even to talk.
Their time together wasn’t rom-com-ideal. Never had been, mostly because of Hux. He was not ignorant, so he knew his flaws. He had a complicated personality, didn't share his emotions with anyone, had low self-esteem. He had his reasons for that — too strict father, mom had died when he'd been just twelve years old, the new young stepmother. It all was too typical to even talk about. His queerness didn’t help him to build good connections with his family or anyone else. But that he had a sad childhood and knew his defects weren't a good enough excuse for the majority of people in Hux's life.
Hux could be nagging and too strict about small things, often bitter and tired. Even with a man as charming as Poe he often had arguments.
But overall their relationship was... well.... nice.
“Armie, let’s move in together?”
It was almost half a year ago. The suggestion was reasonable money-wise, Poe's apartment was closer to the city center and their offices, and they spent most of their nights there anyway.
Hux was at that point in his life when people usually live with their partners. So it was only logical that they did it too.
It was a big step. It was a good one, even though it was hard for Hux to accept Poe's organizing habits and cleaning rules, or rather, the lack of them. Not having a place where he could be alone for the first time since college was unusual too, but he tried his best to get used to it. Anyway, that was what all the grown-ups do, that was the first step to real family life.
And around a month after Hux had just unpacked the last of his boxes, Poe invited him to a fancy restaurant with a panoramic view of the city and indecently high prices.
“Dear, will you marry me?”
In the middle of eating the creamy over-the-top sweet dessert, Poe opened a small box with a ring and proposed in front of the room of full patrons.
It must have looked embarrassing that Hux was close to a panic attack and forgot how to form words. He hated public scenes. If he could, he'd have run to the bathroom that time too.
Poe was a decent man. Hux was content with him, he liked him, and their future together was bright. Poe's family was going to help them with the wedding. If they got married, they would pay fewer taxes. Why not? Wasn't that the ideal plan? Wasn't that the ideal place to pop the question? Anyone else would have dreamed to be in Hux's place.
In a few years, Hux would have proposed himself. He wouldn't find anyone better than Poe anyway. It would be stupid to decline just because the wedding wasn't in his plan for this year.
People applauded like they do in silly movies when Hux finally half-mumbled half-nodded yes. The music played. The champagne arrived. Poe kissed him. Any sane person would call it a magical evening.
When they got home, and Hux had a moment to really think about it he decided that it was for the best. They were a good match, and marriage was the next logical step after living together. All people do that.
They threw a big engagement party. Hux met all of Poe's extended family. Even Hux's father came and looked like he was trying to be supportive.
Hux started to plan everything. They almost set the date for the big day.
But in the last few months, the connection between him and Poe had worsened.
Hux worked overtime to get more vacation days for their honeymoon. He drove himself crazy with all the fuss with venues, menu, and the guest list. And Poe spent a lot of time in his office, much more than usual, saving the planet and humanity from themselves. He was finishing an important project and had no time for helping Hux with wedding preparations.
That wasn't something new, from the begging Poe spent all his free time at parties, with his friends and coworkers. To be fair, attending parties was also part of the work, but that didn't mean that Hux hated them any less. Poe got upset that Hux didn’t want to come with him, and when he did come, Poe got upset that Hux wasn’t as adventurous or as friendly as all his ‘buddies’.
Well, what could Hux do? After all, he wasn't an intern in his early twenties, like majorities of the said ‘buddies’.
That week was horrible. It started with troubles at the First Order, Hux's firm. Then troubles with Hux’s father added to the overall tension — the old man was on the brink of divorce and was calling Hux to explain why it all was somehow Hux's fault. And, on top of that, Poe was almost never at their shared apartment. He hadn't even come home two nights in a row, staying with his 'coworker' after some important events. He claimed it was closer to the office and Hux didn't doubt that it was true, but it was a stupid excuse, and it didn't stop Hux to be both upset and jealous.
On Friday evening, they got into a fight. They had had heated arguments before, but never like that. That one was ugly. It started with a minor remark about dinner and escalated into a Frankenstein's monster of all of their previous fights.
A lot of things were said, or, more precisely, screamed. Hux said that Poe was simple and not serious enough, that the parties were a waste of time, that his friends were a bunch of drunken idiots with childish dreams. Poe answered that Hux was boring and controlling, that he hadn't done anything heedless or spontaneous in his life.
"You know what? Maybe I would be much happier if you spent tonight with that slut!"
"Don't call him that!"
"What else should I call a slut who pines for his boss?"
"At least he doesn't make me feel miserable, Hux! Maybe I'd be much happier with him!"
The room was silent, except the sound of them both breathing loudly.
It felt like knives were stabbing Hux from the inside. He knew he wanted to slap Poe, to cause him pain, to make him pay for his words. He was this close to doing exactly that, he was this close to crossing the line and becoming the abusive moron his father was.
He didn't know what to do, what to say, so instead, he just ran to the bathroom, like his mother used to do in his early childhood. He turned the water on, dropped to the floor, willing himself not to think about anything. It would be nice to just disappear. Just for a moment.
He doesn't know how long he has been sitting like this. He didn't take his phone with him. He's embarrassed to go out. The rare wave of emotions died in him and now he regrets his outburst.
He has no idea how he'll look Poe in the eyes. Poe is such a good man who doesn't deserve this. Hux is a damaged person. All he can do is hurt other people. He took what was in his parents, added his own mistakes, and now he's like this — a pathetic, mean little creature.
When he finally finds the courage to walk into their living room, it's empty. There is no one in the bedroom either. It's 11 pm, the place is dark, and Hux is alone in the whole apartment.
Poe has left.
The closet is open; some of Poe's things are missing. Hux checks their home office, and it's worse than he feared. Poe has taken his documents, some clothes, and his laptop.
With trembling hands, Hux calls him. The number doesn't answer. He writes to all of Poe's messaging apps but the small red icons appear above his texts. He's blocked everywhere. His boyfriend, his fiancé blocked him.
Hux doesn't remember much from that night. Probably at some point, he started to cry, but mostly he is just lying on their sofa — Poe's sofa, everything in this apartment, apartment included, is Poe's. From time to time, he does nod off but quickly awakens to check his phone and see no new messages or missed calls. He faces the door, afraid to fall asleep and not notice Poe's return. He must return. It's just a fight, not even that big. Everyone has them, it's not a reason to break up right before their wedding.
Poe doesn't come back the next morning, nor the next day. He still doesn't answer the phone; Hux still has no idea where he is. Or who he is with.
Hux spends the rest of the weekend hating himself, feeling sorry for himself, calling and texting Poe. The result is the same. His long apologies aren't delivered to Poe. Hux even checks all the social accounts of Poe's coworker — nothing, the guy usually posts a lot, but now there is not even a single new Instagram story.
Mid-Sunday, Hux must admit it — he has ruined it all. He wrecked their relationship because he was boring, unfriendly, with zero social skills, as Poe told him. Now Poe will easily find someone new, better probably already has and Hux will be alone, without an apartment or plans for the future.
He doesn't know what to do. Normal people in situations like this would call their loved ones and ask for help. He can't call his father — Brendol Hux is far from ready to hear his gay son's romantic drama. What he can do is to reach out to his best friend Phasma. But here's the problem too — she was never a big fan of Poe, and if he tells her everything now and later Poe and him somehow then get back together, Hux would be endlessly ashamed of sharing his troubles.
So he opens a bottle of brandy and drinks alone. Like father, like son.
Then, slowly at first, he starts to feel angry! Then restless. Then reckless.
There is no reason in the world for him to sit there and cry like a little boy, begging his fiance to come back.
After all, at least half of the blame is on Poe. Maybe even more. Yes, Hux might have been slightly overreacting, but Poe isn't a completely blameless angel either.
He finishes his glass of brandy in one go, stands up, and goes to the bathroom to wash his face. The person who looks at him from the mirror is pathetic: black circles under his eyes, ginger hair in utter disarray, the whole countenance is tired and pitiful. That won't do!
Armitage Hux is not like this; he is a grown-up man with a good job. He has his own money, he can go wherever he likes. He doesn't have Poe's perfect smile, but he is a rather attractive man — he won't die from loneliness. Finding a new apartment won't be easy, but it's not the end of the world — he can do that. He has enough resources not to hurry and take a small vacation in the meantime.
The idea arrives in his mind, but he needs to act quickly before he comes to his senses and changes his mind.
If Hux is honest with himself, he isn't doing this because he really wants to but because he is devastated. He feels empty, numb and wants to prove something to someone, to prove that he’s not boring, that he can do fun stuff, that he can be spontaneous too. To prove it at least to himself. And ideally to his — probably now ex — fiancé.
And running away seems like a good solution. Why does he always need to deal with troubles, when he can avoid facing them? He worked hard and saved a lot of money to have this crazy option now.
So he writes an email to his boss saying that he needs an urgent vacation for at least two weeks. He logs off of his work account, something that he hasn't ever done before. One more crazy thing to put in his piggy bank of madness.
He sends a text to Phasma. He asks her not to worry, says that he is okay, but he needs some time alone, and he is leaving the city. (Don't tell anyone!)
He goes to the saved links on his laptop, enters new dates, verifies payments. In half an hour he has his accommodation booked. A few more clicks and he buys a seat on a one-way last-minute flight to Thailand.
Why Thailand? Poe had suggested the destination for their honeymoon and teased Hux for researching everything ahead.
He doesn't think about the consequences or what he is going to do there, alone. He just wants to see Poe’s face when he finds out that his boring boyfriend Hux is chilling on the picture-perfect sandy beach in Phuket. Yes, that sounds about right, much better than waiting for Poe to come back and throw Hux away.
Hux packs his suitcase, blocks Poe's number, leaves the keys on the small table, and slams the door behind him.