Work Text:
“Just pull over here, sensei. It’s our best bet right now.”
A chorus of cheers and groans alike echoed through the bus as it swerved around a corner into a wooded area, leaving the main road behind. Kei tried his best to not look happy at their coach’s decision to not keep searching for a rest stop after hours of doing so. He had standards but his saint-like patience was thinning out. Rapidly. After being stuck in traffic for two and a half hours and drinking a frankly ridiculous amount of water at the practice match against Nekoma, things were starting to get a little urgent. Just a little. He still had time to-
“Argh!”
No, he didn’t.
His legs snapped together when the vehicle came to an abrupt stop, the jerky movement enough to force a gasp out from between his clenched teeth. He bent down to pick up the sports bag lying at his feet but even that proved too much for his overtaxed bladder.
“Shut up Yamaguchi,” he whispered before his seatmate could as much as open his mouth, his face twisting as if he’d bitten into a pile of lemons. Yamaguchi didn’t answer, only shot him a strangely encouraging smile that made his stomach drop. Usually, Kei spent bus rides after a match with his eyes closed and his headphones draped over his ears. The fact that he’d spent this one anxiously chewing on his lip while staring out of the window probably made his bad state dead obvious. Then again, his friend could read him like a book sometimes.
“We’ll have a ten-minute break here,” Ukai-san announced, giving his boys a stern and somewhat tired look, “Go stretch your legs or take a whizz or whatever you have to do, but please-”
“-no littering and no running off, gotcha!”, Hinata rattled down the coach’s usual call before squeezing past everyone else to get to the door, whimpering and bouncing on the spot like a toddler as he couldn’t get it to open right away. “Ahh, please! I don’t want this bus to turn into a pool!”
“First of all, eww! Secondly, you’re not the only one who has to go, dumbass! Try having some self-control!” Hinata, mature as always, stuck his tongue out at Kageyama and soon enough the two idiots started squabbling as they always did. Kei attempted to shake his head but decided on merely clicking his tongue as the mere thought of shaking any part of his body also caused his bladder to shake. Not that he liked the thought of pissing in the woods like some kind of animal but by now, the pressure was so torturous, so all-consuming he felt like he’d end up murdering someone if he didn’t. Preferably Hinata for talking about water because who does that? Who talks about large bodies of water when they already have to go?
“I need fresh air, this whole bus is reeking of stupidity and I can’t take it anymore,” Kei hissed, shooting a bitter look towards the idiot duo as he got up on wobbly legs, fighting the impulse to cross them or grab himself. No, he really couldn’t take it anymore, his body reminded him once again with fervor as he staggered to the door. He really really couldn’t.
Hinata and Kageyama were the first to get off the bus to make a dash for the bushes, followed by Noya and Tanaka. Kei hesitated, despite his bladder’s excessive throbbing. He didn’t want to seem overly eager. The thought of any of his teammates knowing how desperately he needed to relieve himself was too shameful for him to even think about. Sure enough, his cheeks set aflame when Sugawara’s hand landed on his shoulder and gave him a gentle push. “Go pee. It’s fine,” his friendly but mischievous smile seemed to be saying, and maybe Kei’s desperation-riddled brain was pulling tricks on him, but he agreed. That was all he wanted right now.
“Where’re you going? Hey, Tsukki!”, Hinata screeched after him as he made his way to the denser part of the woods. Despite the urgency of his need, Kei still had some dignity left, so peeing in the first patch of vegetation three feet away from the bus was not happening. That was more of a Hinata move.
“I don’t recall us being on nickname terms,” he shot back in an icy tone, fists clenched at his hips that had started moving on their own. It took him all of his remaining self-control to keep from breaking into a full-on potty dance and how pathetic would that be? It was bad enough that his already breathy voice had started to crack, all the tension in his body putting a strain on his vocal cords. “Besides, where I’m going and when is none of your business. I-I need space, okay?”
“Space?” Hinata stared at him the same way he did whenever Yachi tried to enlighten him about the wonders of English grammar, “What’d you need all that space for? You’re not that tall.”
“Maybe he needs it for his inflated ego.”
Ouch. Kei squinted at the king who was, for some reason, standing awfully close to Hinata while the two of them watered the bushes in perfect synchrony. Where did he learn insults like that from? TV soaps? Ugh.
Kei considered informing Kageyama that the shrimp was dangerously close to peeing on his shoes because relieving himself and holding a conversation at the same time was too much for his brain. Though, while making fun of the shrimp for having shit aim could wait, his own needs couldn’t.
Once he was out of eyesight, the angry thrashing of his bladder reached a new level of intensity, as if knowing that he finally had privacy activated some primal reflex. Still, he bit his lip and carried on, one hand leaving his side to get a hold on his crotch. He kept on walking, in case Hinata or someone else was nosy enough to look after him, the foliage growing denser and darker with every step. He needed to get deeper, even deeper into the woods where he was all alone. He did that for about five more minutes until he couldn’t anymore.
“Ah...-fuck!” Kei’s fingers flew to the waistband of his sweatpants as his bladder seized up, its contents surging down like a heavy weight. His underwear felt damp already and that was the last straw. Privacy or not, he was not, absolutely not going to piss himself in the middle of the woods. The fact that he didn’t have to deal with any buttons or zippers was a call from the heavens as he just had to yank down his pants with one hand, aim with the other, and finally-
His defenses shattered long before he thought of letting go, his stream hitting the bark of the tree in front of him with such force he had to take a step back to avoid splashing his clothes. His hands shook, his whole body trembled with the breathtaking feeling of relief and he couldn’t keep his eyes from glazing over. He’d mocked the shrimp for spacing out in the school bathroom once and he would never admit to relating to him in any way or fashion but-
Wow, it really did feel good. Maybe some things were worth spacing out and making silly faces for.
He kept peeing as if his bladder was a bottomless pit, sighing, feeling the pressure ease with every single drop. Caught up in this mesmerizing feeling he almost missed the rustling of leaves and branches a few feet behind him, figuring it was one of his teammates trying to disturb his peace.
“For the last time, Hinata-,” he started, baffled about how much of a nuisance this kid could be, ”I don’t need you to follow me around. Didn’t your parents teach you anything about privacy?”
Hinata replied with a grunt, forcing Kei to groan and roll his eyes at his endless stupidity. He kept his gaze ahead while his stream, still strong but now less of a violent gush, continued to paint a dark stain on the tree. It wasn’t like he was doing anything super weird here so-
Wait.
Kei’s blood ran cold, a heavy shiver running down his spine. Though this time, it was one of dread, not of pleasure. Hinata didn’t grunt. Hinata laughed and squeaked and yelled and made all sorts of odd noises but he didn’t grunt. Never. He didn’t make noises like that. He also didn’t shuffle his feet like that and- Kei turned his head, his eyes widening -didn’t have coarse grey-ish brown fur all over his body and protruding teeth and deep-set, angry-looking eyes and-
Oh FUCK!
---
Kei had never in his life believed he’d end up in a situation like that. Never had he thought he’d ever end up stuck in a tree with his underwear soaked and a wet streak down his leg. Sadly, he’d never been good at stopping in full flow even when his bladder was half-empty. Then again, being chased by a wild boar wanting to protect its young from humans invading its territory was terrifying enough, and…-well, that didn’t change anything about the end results.
At least he was alive and in one piece. Or no, scratch that, he’d rather be dead.
Down below, Hinata was laughing like a maniac while holding his stomach, idiot number two at his side looking back and forth between him and Kei with a puzzled expression. Of course, they had to find him like that. Of course, karma had to bite him in the ass and ruin the rest of his day.
“I don’t understand.” Kageyama tilted his head like a confused and very stupid puppy, “Is that what you meant by needing space? Some kind of habit? Pissing from trees?”
“I didn’t piss from the tree!”, Kei hissed, his dripping pants proving him wrong, “I just- ugh, forget it!” He hugged the trunk of the tree a little closer, trying to hide his face that felt like melting off his skull. Maybe the beast would come back and ram its teeth into the idiot’s rear ends so they wouldn’t be able to sit for a week, but he wasn’t sadistic enough to wish harm on them. He had standards after all.
“I-I’m sorry,” Hinata wheezed, now wiping tears from his eyes as his tiny frame shook with laughter, “You must’ve been really scared. But wow, I didn’t think you could climb. That’s pretty cool.”
“Of course I can,” Kei bit back with his chin up and chest swelling with pride before remembering that he had pissed all over himself and that was nothing to be proud of. He swallowed hard. His dignity, the one thing he’d tried to protect by hiding in the woods to do his business had already been torn to shreds, set on fire, and pissed on multiple times, “Can you, like, help me get down? I don’t want to sprain my foot and have to explain that to the coach.”
“Anything for a friend,” Hinata said way more cheerfully than he had any right to be and made his way over to him, Kageyama following with a shrug, still looking confused. Kei suppressed the urge to remind them they weren’t friends but what would that change, really? The sooner he got down from that tree and out of the woods, the sooner he’d be home to scream into his pillow.
---
“So, what part about no running off did you not understand?” Hinata sunk into himself as the three of them got their scolding from the adults in charge, Kageyama looking as puzzled as ever, almost like a kid after getting dragged into mischief by his older brothers. The fact that they didn’t tattle on him made Kei feel guilty. After all, none of that would’ve happened if he had just peed in a bush like everyone else instead of going on a not so epic adventure.
“I’m sorry,” Kei said in a soft, muted voice, noticing while he bowed that his pants were all ripped at the bottom and he wouldn’t be surprised if he had leaves and twigs stuck in his hair.
“Look, we’re responsible for you.” Ukai-san sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as if he was suffering a massive headache. “How are we supposed to explain to your parents that their son got attacked by a wild animal during a bathroom break of all things? You could’ve died.”
“Death by piss? Way to go, Tsukki!”, Nishinoya hollered from where he was standing with the other second-year players, Tanaka giving him a grin and a thumbs up while everyone else was awkwardly ignoring them. Understandably, given how weird this whole situation was.
“We’ll stop somewhere with actual bathrooms the next time so hopefully this won’t happen again,” Ukai said with a huff before herding them and everyone else back to the bus so they could leave this dangerous place behind for good. Kei cringed as walking made his sodden underwear rub against his skin in all the wrong ways, and while he was determined to not let his discomfort show, his bladder was irritated. He was too because how could he still have any liquid left in there after peeing so much on both the tree and himself? What was this sorcery?
When it was his time to board the bus, Kei caught himself longingly gazing at the bushes some of his teammates had desecrated before. He felt silly, but he was tired, mentally drained with sore muscles and a nagging bladder that demanded his attention like his alarm clock in the morning.
At last, his primal instincts won, and he jogged over to one of the larger bushes, ignoring the muffled chuckles in the background. A sigh left his lips as the familiar pattering noise reached his ears once again, feeling relaxed all over now that he didn’t have to fear for his life anymore.
“I thought you were pee-shy,” Hinata commented on his actions. Kei flipped him off with his free hand. Now that he had properly humiliated himself, he was officially out of fucks to give.
At last, he had learned something from that experience, he figured as he shook off the last drops and adjusted his clothes before turning on his heel to get back on the bus, now finally blissfully empty. One, there were more embarrassing things than taking a leak in front of his teammates, and two-
Nature could be scary. Really really scary.