Work Text:
Is 35 supposed to feel this much older? I must have aged a decade in last 9 months and it wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to ring in my 35th birthday staring in the dark and missing my kids.
I wasn't supposed to be hiding from the world that hates me because a crazy, no... Stop Armie! Remember what your therapist said: deep breaths and don't focus on things you can't change. Okay, okay, here we go! Breathe in, breathe out! 1-2, 1-2
"Huh! Huh!"
"Armie?"
The way his New York accent wraps around my name is like the best Xanax in the world. Suddenly I feel the sticky cold sweat covering my skin and I feel his cold hand touch my arm. I'm back in the bed next to him.
"Are you ok?"
His tone is worried and I curse myself inwardly. The last thing I want him to feel is more worry for me. I'm tired of him worrying about me, he's been worrying about me for the last year and half.
I feel his hand caressing my bicep gently and I feel myself relax even more. What did my therapist say? You should let people who love you take care of you Armie, you don't have to always be the strong one, it's not healthy to always be the strong one. I guess I have to start sometime.
"Panic attack", I croak, my throat surprisingly dry.
Timmy turns away from me for a second and then there is a bottle of water in front of me. The water is refreshing and it brings me back to the present. Timmy is uncharacteristically silent and patient. I turn to find him looking at me with sad and worried eyes.
"Aren't you going to ask why?"
"I think it's pretty obvious. What can I do?"
And suddenly, it doesn't matter. My life being a mess in a holding pattern is just a temporary state I can deal with. I'll see my kids soon and I'm ringing in my birthday in bed with the love of my life. I put the water bottle on my nightstand and roll on top of him and smirk.
"You can give me my birthday gift now"
He smirks back at me and his eyes get the mischievous glint in his eyes.
"Whatever the birthday boy wants!"
I guess 35 is turning out to be just as it was supposed to be: perfect.