Chapter Text
Jean thinks that the reason why things went down the shitter so fast earlier was because of what Marco calls his 'knack for self-sabotage'.
Eren helped, of course - he said something he shouldn't have said about the way Jean dressed, and about the way he refused to let him kiss him in public, and he didn't mean anything by it because Eren is Eren, but it was all too easy to spit something suitably venomous back.
When the first hit landed, Jean had felt some sort of immense relief fill him. I've finally managed to disappoint him, he thought. I don't have to live up to anything anymore.
But Eren hadn't given up on him. And Jean wondered if it was a good thing in the end, but he had kissed back when Eren had pushed him against the cheap yellow plaster of the ER, because it really felt like Eren deserved it.
And when they kissed, somehow...time for Jean stopped, like in those silly novels for bored housewives. Or, not stopped right away, but slowed down, dilated infinitely to this one long empty second in which all that Jean could think was Eren and oh.
Eren was solid and warm, the skin of his neck was soft and his cheeks had the barest hint of a five o'clock shadow and his hair felt thick and a bit dry like he used too much shampoo and he smelled like soap and sweat and cheap cotton and tasted like whatever sickeningly sweet chocolate food he had eaten for lunch and the tang of blood, and Jean had been so fucking surprised, because he hadn't expected him to have a taste, a texture to him at all, like he would never expect a character in a book to have such things, and this is when he realized that up until then Eren had been some sort of fiction, an imaginary boyfriend he could text like the ones in those terrible dating sims Sasha had a weakness for.
But he's real.
---
It's weird. He knows Eren expects them to fuck. He himself expects the two of them to fuck. He announced it loudly to half of his friends' circle. But he has no idea how to get there.
In the movies he's watched and books he's read, when such things happen, it's all so natural - people just transition from talking to kissing to fucking.
There's nothing about punching each other on the first date, or coming home together using public transport, pressed close on the train but not daring to kiss because the metro is a dangerous place, nothing about fumbling with the keys while Eren waits behind, whistling something that Jean vaguely recognizes as a Tarantino soundtrack and looking curiously at the plants Marco and Mina have carefully been growing on the small landing because they don't have a balcony available.
As they enter, they're immediately inside the kitchen/living room. On the opposite wall there are two doors, one the bedroom he shares with Marco, the other the bathroom - only this one is not a door anymore, it's some wood planks still attached to the hinges and what's left of a locking mechanism.
"What happened to your bathroom door?"
Eren's voice still sounds slightly nasal because of his clogged nose, though less now than it did in the ER. Jean winces.
"It's nothing."
"Dude, somebody kicked your bathroom door down," Eren looks at him with a glint in his wide eyes. "That looks like a fucking story right there."
"Well, it's a story for another time," Jean cuts short.
Eren looks at him in silence for another curious moment, but then shrugs and lets go.
Luckily, their landlord is laid back. He has to be, renting such tiny hole-in-the-wall apartments to students - he isn't offering much, so he knows he can't expect much back. Jean could afford better, but he doesn't like feeling like he's wasting money on things he can do without, and he doesn't mind the freedom of being in an apartment that feels more like perennial camping than an actual house he has to take care of.
Still, right now he wouldn't mind having more house to show to Eren. He has to find a sexy, non-dumb way to introduce Eren in his bedroom before he has a full-on panic attack over nothing, but he can't think of anything.
He's so tense that, when Eren takes him out of his trouble by pressing close to him and whispering against his ear "Show me your bedroom, then," instead of melting into it Jean flinches a little and pulls away.
He still opens the door to his bedroom and lets Eren walk in.
The bedroom is separated across by a tent that grants a minimal amount of privacy. Twin single beds lay on opposite walls, together with twin cabinets and a single desk with library propped on the wall next to the door. It's tiny and cramped, cheap and almost childish with the posters plastered everywhere, and Jean feels uncomfortable, but Eren just asks: "Which one is your bed?"
Jean points his chin at the one with the colorful linen, and Eren nods.
"Thought I recognized it."
He goes to sit on it like it's the most natural thing in the world, and Jean chews on his lip for a long moment.
"Stop doing that," Eren says, never leaving Jean with his eyes.
"What?"
"Sucking your lip. You're gonna reopen that wound."
"Alright."
"Why are you still all the way over there?"
Jean sighs and leans with his back against the door.
"I'm so nervous," he confesses.
"Why? We started the afternoon by punching each other. It can't go but up."
Eren smiles. He actually believes what he says, the ducker, and Jean feels his own mouth curl up in a grin of his own.
"Yeah, well..."
There are a ton of ways in which they could fuck everything up still, Jean wants to point out.
But Eren is smiling at him, at him, straight up, not from a picture, his teeth shining with the same white-gray energy-saving light bulb of the rest of the room, and the mattress is dipping down under his weight and the cotton of his t-shirt is actually filled by his body which is warm and solid, and his eyes...Pictures really don't do justice to those eyes. So up close, the difference in color is obvious, and they're bright enough Jean can imagine them shining in the dark like those of a cat, and so expressive it's like Eren's whole soul could slip out from them. Right now, they look nervous but eager, and the slightest bit hurt.
He's sitting next to him before he can even fully realize what he's doing, wrapping one hand around his neck, feeling the soft baby hair on the beginning of the curve of his head, his other hand on his shoulder because Eren is lean but all squared muscles and broad planes and Jean can't quite believe he can touch him.
Eren puts one hand on his waist and with the other he presses his thumb just under the wound on Jean's lip, teasing it.
"Hn," he grunts. "I feel so guilty about your face. Let's use our words from now on, eh?"
Jean laughs. "Like real fucking adults."
Eren smiles even wider. "Like real fucking adults."
Eren slides his hand on Jean's neck and Jean thinks this would be the moment to lean in for a kiss so he just does, and thankfully Eren agrees - it's a teasing, slow kiss, all wet, soft dragging of lips on lips.
Eren pulls back to take off his t-shirt, exposing tan skin and broad shoulders and all of those other things which looked pretty enough in pictures but so up close are almost too much.
When he finishes pulling it off his hair falls delicately on his ears and forehead, all ruffled, and Jean is frozen still and his eyes must be the size of dinner plates because Eren full-on laughs at his expression, a little gleeful cackle that Jean finds at the same time somewhat worrisome and absolutely amazing.
Eren throws the t-shirt on the bottom of Jean's bed, not on the ground (Jean appreciates the restraint) and rubs his nose against Jean's playfully, delicately (his own probably hurts a little still).
"You're so red," he whispers, in this tone full of wonder. He presses his lips to Jean's cheek, a little chaste kiss. "Your cheeks get so hot! I had no idea. It's not something that comes across in pictures."
Jean inhales. Eren's smell is so normal, boyish, clean but sensual and Jean thinks he'd sound like a creeper if he admitted it but fuck does he love it.
"I never got what you have for my blushing."
"It looks so exquisite with your cheekbones."
"Exquisite!"
Jean chuckles embarrassed, trying to not think about the fact that Eren is playing with the buttons of his cardigan, obviously trying to get him to take it off.
"I've been called lots of things in my life, but exquisite is a first."
"And also, I like that you don't hide it when you're embarrassed."
"It's not that I don't want to," Jean mutters. "I can't. I don't like being so easily flustered."
"Why not? It's adorable."
"People mostly laugh at me because of it."
"Mnh. You care about what other people think way too much."
"I don't like being laughed at. It's normal."
"Jean, do you want to do this?"
Jean looks at him again now, surprised. The little bit of hurt that was in Eren's eyes before is widening, occupying all available space, eating up even the anger.
"I mean, you invited me over, and you kissed me, and said I could stay the night, so I thought...But if you don't want to do it, it's fine."
"It's-it's alright. I'm just a little nervous," Jean says, but even as he says the words he realizes he sounds a bit hollow.
"You are in no obligation to do anything, you know it, right."
"I know, fuck, stop talking like a sex ed leaflet! I'm not...doing it out of obligation, I promise. It's my first time with a man and I'm a jittery person by nature, alright? But we can...take it slow and see where it goes, I'll be fine."
"No. No." Eren lets his hands fall from where they were on Jean's cardigan. His eyes widen, and they're definitely all hurt now. "Shit, I...fuck. I knew this would happen."
"What? What are you talking about, Eren?" Jean asks, feeling a bit anxious because really, Eren's hurt face is something else.
"You're disappointed."
"What?"
"You don't...have to pretend, you know." He forces a smile. It makes Jean feel like he personally kicked all the puppies in the world. "If you don't like me, I mean. We could just...I could go back home and...and you don't have to answer my texts if I..."
Jean tilts forward on impulse and kisses him.
Now, this kiss - time-stopping like the one in the ER, and then suddenly heated and fast when Eren reacts, syrupy-thick in Jean's bones when Eren nibs softly at the little wound on his lip.
When they part, Eren presses his forehead to his, and their breaths mingle as they both pant a little.
"Jean..."
"I am disappointed, yeah, a little. But only because I imagined things would be easier when we met, not in you. You're exactly what I wanted, alright? Plus, you're probably disappointed, too."
"Actually, no," Eren says, and Jean can tell he's smiling even when they're pressed so close that his face looks unfocused, because his voice softens so much. "I'm not disappointed. You're much better than what I imagined, honestly."
"What do you mean? I thought you were all about meeting."
"I was, I had great expectations, but you exceeded them."
"...Eren. I fucking punched you."
"I threw the first punch. And...actually, yeah."
Eren moves back a little, takes Jean's hand and rolls it palm up between his.
"What pretty hands you have," he comments casually. "Make a fist. No, no," he stops Jean mid-movement. "A fist like you're about to punch somebody."
Jean obeys and corrects it.
"See? You leave the thumb out."
"So I know how to close a fist to throw a punch. So what."
Eren traces along his fist with a finger.
"When I hit your face you knew how to roll with it, and then you went for my nose in the right way, using the heel of the hand and not the knuckles. You know how to fight, but not like somebody who's trained, like somebody who learned how the hard way."
Jean bites his lip and thinks about the kids at his old school, before he lost all that weight, and doesn't talk.
"You keep on saying you are a dick, but you share a tiny quiet house with a roommate who is the closest thing to an angel I've ever met, and you can bake and you know how to throw a punch, but not because you went out to learn how to fight - because you're the type that doesn't like backing off. And you look so serious - I felt like a cock when I saw you standing there with your cute clothes, looking like an adult on a date while I look like a teenage runaway from the Nineties."
"It...it's not that bad."
"I'm fucking wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt!"
"It could be worse. It could be a Blind Guardian t-shirt."
"That one is in the wash."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Don't even start, I treasure that t-shirt. They're the reason I started reading Tolkien!"
"Oh sweet mother of Jesus, you're a honest-to-God metalhead?"
"Wait, you thought I wore the t-shirt ironically?"
"No, but, I mean, I...I should have realized you don't know the meaning of irony, after all."
"Oh fuck you! I bet you listen to Arctic Monkeys."
"Arctic Monkeys are great! Why are you even trying to defend your life choices when you yourself admit they make you feel bad?"
"But they don't! I don't give a fuck. I'm amazing."
"Sure you are, so how did you get into your head I was so utterly disappointed in you?"
Eren kisses him again.
---
Jean is so damn shy now, forcing Eren to take everything slowly, one little step at a time, nibbling on his lips before trying to push his tongue in his mouth ever-so-softly, and Eren hadn't realized it, always thought he was the type for quick, violent passion, but apparently he actually also really likes doing it like this.
In fact, it's driving him crazy. Jean is driving him crazy, and he isn't even doing much of anything.
Eren pulls back to look at him. He's so red, and shy, and it looks like the cut on his mouth is about to reopen - he presses a little quick kiss to it, sucks so very softly on the fat of his bottom lip, which is now swollen.
It's nice, feeling like he doesn't have to try and fill the silence with bullshit, letting the sounds of their own breathing, of their kisses, of their clothes shuffling do the talking instead. It's like there's only him and Jean in the whole wide world, like they're underwater in a little bubble.
He breaks the kiss to stand and take off his trousers.
Jean stares at him, his eyes wide, red across his nose to his cheekbones, his mouth hanging slightly open, and Eren grins. He knows how nice his body is.
His smile seems to make things worse for Jean, because he avoids his eyes and swallows.
He lets his jeans fall to the ground and kicks them away, toes off his socks, too, and he's about to take off his underwear when he changes his mind - he wants to see some more of Jean already.
"Let's make this a little more fair, alright?"
Jean lets his eyes fall to side, then, shy again, but he nods. He sits back on the bed, and Eren straddles him to take off his top - it's a long-sleeved, oversized cardigan, soft wool in a rich green color. The t-shirt he's wearing underneath is a dark grey, and it's oversized, too, so that the top of his collarbones and the beginning of the curl of his shoulders peeked from the neck hole.
He looked absolutely amazing in that ensemble, and Eren felt underdressed the moment he saw him, fashionable cardigan and tight black trousers and leather boots and styled hair. It contributed to their fight, the nervousness he felt when he realized Jean actually put effort into looking good for him while he himself just came wearing what he had already on.
But Jean wasn't disappointed, and that's what matters.
Jean is so white and red underneath, like a blond version of Snow-white, the lines of his muscles barely there, thin and lean, and his hair is ruffled and the flush on his face is spilling down his neck and the front of his chest, and Eren wants to bite him like one would an apple.
But he contents himself with kissing him as he pushes him down to lay on the bed, big, noisy kisses that leave white lip imprints for a moment where his skin is red, and then slower ones, along his collarbone and down his sternum, flicking his tongue around his nipples and bellybutton, making Jean chuckle throatily, and then whispering little ones down the little trail of fine blond hair that is going under Jean's waistband, feeling the flutter of his stomach muscles under his mouth.
He bites at the waistband itself, tugging a little.
"Eren..."
Jean's voice is nervous and a little broken, and when Eren looks up his eyes are shy under his blond lashes.
"Don't...I...fuck, I don't even know how...I...I never had sex with a man before."
Eren flashes him his best grin.
"I know, babe. I got you."
Jean seems to become even more flustered at the nickname, if that's even possible, and shakes his head, his eyes widening a little.
"No, yeah...It's not just that, I...it's..."
He laughs nervously, avoids Eren's eyes, rubs his forehead, sucks on the cut on his bottom lip, then, finally, comes to a decision with a sigh, just as Eren is lying back down next to him.
"It's been, ah, a while," he admits, leaning up on his elbows, voice barely above a whisper, staring at his feet. "Like...a long while."
Eren contemplates his red ears and resists the urge of attacking his neck, of biting and sucking on that bottom lip that Jean keeps on torturing. Fuck, he's cute.
"A long while, like?"
"Like...uh...like two years," Jean manages to spit out, finally.
Eren blinks, maybe - alright, he does snort a little in laughter, but it's more of a sound of surprise, really.
"...Two years?"
Jean covers his face with his hands and lets himself fall back on the pillow.
"I am such a fucking loser," he says.
Fuck.
Eren's first instinct is to grab his hands and pull them away from his face, but he's been to enough anger management classes and group therapy to know you don't just go ahead and do that.
But then again it's not like he knows what else to do. Touching and holding hands and looking at people in the eyes is what he does when he wants them to feel better. He gives kisses and sometimes tiny presents, too - all because he knows he sucks at words. So, his hand ends up hovering unsurely over Jean as he tries to talk him out of it.
"No, no, no, this won't do, alright? Hey. Hey, you look at me. I don't care. You're shy, and you're such a hard worker, babe, all top grades, of course you wouldn't have time to get laid like us slackers. Come on."
Jean makes another unhappy noise, but then uncovers his face, his eyes all wet and soft brown, tears trapped between his blond eyelashes. He snorts in half-laughter.
"Fuck, this is a disaster," he says with a sigh. "It's just...I promise I...I'm not usually like this."
"I like that you're honest to me."
"I'm not," Jean answers, irritated. "Oh, god, I am honest, but I didn't want to be this honest, it just happened. If I had things my way we would already be fucking. And I am so fucking sorry because I cornered you with this shit, but it's just...I...have no idea what I'm doing."
"Nobody has ever any idea what they're doing."
"I usually do. Or at least try to. I don't like the sensation of being in the dark."
He starts sucking on his lip again, now, and Eren makes a little noise.
"You're doing that again."
"Doing what?"
"Sucking on your lip."
Jean does a tiny eye roll thing that is at the same time obnoxious and cute.
"So what?"
"It makes me want to fuck you."
Jean whips his head around and looks at him with wide eyes, like he's surprised, or he thinks he misunderstood.
"You sent me a pic once with you doing that, it's still my fave," Eren says, pitching his voice low and rough, reveling in how flustered Jean is getting. "I thought of so many filthy things as I looked at that pic, whenever you do that I remember them all."
Jean stares.
Eren throws his way what he knows to be his best leer.
And, finally, Jean laughs.
"Do I really...do I...oh, fuck."
"Jean. When I say we don't have to do anything, I mean it. I'd like to - but I mean it. I can wait."
"I want to. I don't want to wait. I just don't know how to get there."
"I promise you'll do fine."
"You make it sound so easy."
It is easy, Eren doesn't say, because they're at a point in which he doesn't need words - he will just show him.
They kiss, and it's slow and languorous and savoring, and as they keep on kissing, Eren slides his hands down and finally undoes Jean's pants - and then, he glances down to see what he's working with and his eyes widen.
"I was just wearing this already! Don't think I wore them because you asked!"
"Yeah, yeah. Just think about it - the first time I saw you, you were wearing this," he comments, smiling and pressing a little kiss on the waistband of the infamous blue boxers that are peeking from the trousers. "How romantic."
Jean stutters "I can't believe you!", but he doesn't make any attempt at stopping Eren as he sits up and positions himself between Jean's thighs to slide his trousers off. He takes the chance to caress his long legs.
Jean chuckles.
"You really are a leg man, aren't you."
"For these legs, who wouldn't be," he answers in earnest.
"Oh, just...fucking stop," Jean mutters, fighting hard against a smile.
Eren grabs him by the hips to pull his tight little ass flush with his own erection, making sure it presses enough that Jean can feel it in tender places, enjoying the warmth of his body, and Jean yelps.
Eren smiles down at him before pressing his hand wide over Jean's bulge, which is rapidly turning harder, and Jean makes a little whining noise. And then Eren grabs him through the boxers and starts pumping and Jean's hands go to wrap on the headboard and he says "Fuck, oh..." in that high-pitched, sensual voice Eren recognizes from their one phone sex call, only better because it's all here, actual airwaves from Jean's throat, shaped by his lips and hitting his eardrums, without technological filter.
He wants to hear him say his name like that.
He puts Jean's legs on his shoulders, presses his full erection on his taint again, and Jean makes a little strangled noise, arching up, sucking on his lip again.
"Condoms?" he asks.
"B-bedside draw-ah!" Jean stops halfway to moan, his eyes sliding shut, because Eren purposefully rubbed him again as he talked, just to hear his voice break.
Eren leans forward and opens it and, without moving his eyes from Jean, without stopping his hand, digs out two foil packages with his other hand, that he throws on the bed, and then starts feeling around again for the tube of lube that he already knows is there - and does find it just as he was wondering if Jean made it up.
He uses it to bop gently on Jean's nose, because his eyes are still closed.
Jean gets incredibly flustered when he sees it.
"I..."
"We don't have to do anything more than some touching tonight," Eren reassures him. "But I meant to ask - still sealed? Never tried it out like you said you would?"
Jean turns his head to the side.
"I...I thought about it, but then I thought, I was going to, to have sex with you soon anyway..."
Eren feels his whole body get hotter.
"You wanted me to be the first?"
"God, you make it sound so ridiculous," Jean mutters, trying to hide his face in the pillow. "Like I was waiting for my knight in shining armor to come and ravish me."
"But that's what it is, isn't it?"
Jean moves one leg back enough to kick him in the shoulder with the ball of his feet, but that's all the denial he has.
Eren lets out a long exhale.
"First the underwear, and now this? Fuck, babe," he says as he bends down to kiss him some more.
He lets Jean's legs fall down from his shoulders as he does, and Jean has the good sense to wrap them around his waist immediately, to keep them close - Eren removes his hand and they shift as they kiss, so that they're pressed erection to erection - Jean keens in the kiss, and Eren can't help a moan of his own, feeling how hard he made Jean.
"Gonna make you come," he says, going a little incoherent with want. "Gonna make you come, babe, gonna watch you come so hard..."
"Eren, I..." Jean says, his breathing getting quicker. "Take it slow, please..."
"Of course. Very very slow."
Eren presses a kiss to his temple. He leans on his side, down on the bed, and starts whispering his fingers down along Jean's chest, the trail of hair going down his waistband. Jean doesn't look at him, he looks down, to where Eren's hand is going, slowly wrapping around his erection.
His dick feels lean and long, like Jean in general, Eren thinks. He licks his lips. Jean keens again and covers his eyes with his forearm. His breath is so quick and his face so red Eren is worried he's having a panic attack - he makes to move his hand away then, but Jean grabs his wrist and keeps him there.
"I'm, I'm alright, just...just...ah, slowly, please..."
"Of course, yeah, slowly, babe, one step at a time..."
Eren slides his head in the space between Jean's shoulder and neck, presses a kiss to the tender skin just under his jaw, bites on his earlobe, before whispering in his ear, "Do you want my mouth, babe? I'm good with my mouth."
Jean swallows.
"I'm, not sure..."
"If it's too much," Eren is quick to say, "I'm good with my hands, too."
"It's not...it's not that it's too much, it's just...If you go down to...to suck me off, then...we won't be close."
"You'll feel lonely?" Eren asks as he opens the lube and pours a little in his hand.
"I just...I missed this...this kind of thing, these days we didn't meet. This being close."
Eren makes a keening noise, pressing his face in Jean's neck as he slides his hand down his body again, wraps his hand slowly around him as he pulls him out of his underwear, kindly.
"You gonna fucking kill me, babe. So fucking sweet."
"Shut up! It's stupid, this is not...ah, oh, shit!"
Eren lets out another long exhale. Fuck, he sounds so good.
"Like this, is it good like this?"
"Yes, very good, oh, yes, yes, ah..."
Jean slides one hand in his mouth to stop his noises, sinks his milky teeth in his knuckles, and Eren has to beg him, kindly, to let him hear, whispering in his ear that he wants to, needs to know what it is that Jean likes, what noises he makes, and Jean lets the hand fall from his mouth, and Eren presses a little kiss on the marks on his fingers as he starts moving his hand faster.
He's not putting too much thought in what he's doing - just going by rote, guessing what Jean likes by the sounds he makes. He probably should be showing off a little, maybe, being all "I can show you the world magic carpet ride" kinda deal, since he's Jean first gay fling and he's supposed to be all eye-opening and stuff.
He's jerked off lots of people (he's not proud of it, alright - not ashamed either, but not proud) and he knows how to do it, the technicalities, so if he wanted to show off, he could, and he sort of wanted to, before - but...it sounds like a stupid romantic trope, but he really feels like with Jean he can't use any stupid trick.
Maybe it's because Jean is still so shy and nervous and inexperienced, or maybe it's just because of how they met - for Eren it has always been physical intimacy first, and only later getting to know each other, if that even happened, and the fact that it's the other way around this time makes it feel so...so...it feels different, and Eren really can't explain it behind that.
He can only watch, his mouth half open, as Jean stutters on a breath, closes his eyes, scrunches his brow like he's in pain, whines "harder, harder, I'm close...".
"You're so pretty," Eren says, fully aware it sounds stupid compared to how intensely he's aware of everything about Jean, of how absorbed he is in him.
Fuck. No, it's way too soon, he doesn't know Jean all that much, after all, and it's not like...
But then Jean says, in that soft voice Eren adores, "Eren, Eren, ah, I'm gonna..." and his whole body tenses, and Eren knows he's coming in that split second, and then Jean does, and it's like his whole being is unwinding, and Eren realizes he's fucking done for.
He's strangely alright with that.
Jean turns towards him, his face all fucked out and dazed - that expression looks so good on him, Eren really can't help it if he leans forward and gives him a long, sloppy kiss.
By the time he's broken the kiss and cleaned up his hand with a kerchief, Jean has caught his breath enough to talk.
"Sorry, Eren," he says kindly, thought he's smiling, so the little risk Eren was worried about of him having a minor breakdown again is avoided. "I just...went ahead and..."
"Nah, it was your first time, I'm alright with focusing on you a little more."
"But I'm not!" Jean says, and pushes down Eren so that he's on his back on the bed - Eren lets him, without even putting up a fight, and Jean straddles him and licks his lips and starts pressing kisses down his body, just like Eren did.
He hesitates when he gets to his waistband, and Eren is expecting him to climb back up - but Jean doesn't, just smiles up at him and presses a kiss to the bulge on his underwear.
Eren curses and Jean smiles even harder, sliding his finger in his underwear to pull it off.
His dick jumps up with a lot of enthusiasm.
Jean makes a little snort of laughter, but doesn't move away. He seems fascinated by his dick, actually, and Eren is struck by a thought.
"First time you see one so up close?"
Jean bites his lip and nods.
Cutie.
"Come on, you can touch."
Jean does so, temptatively wrapping his hand around Eren's shaft and moving it up and down, slowly. He looks up at Eren, a smile slowly spreading on his lips as he looks at Eren's face, which must be very red, because Eren feels like he's on fucking fire.
Then, Jean's smile turns mischievous, and he presses a little kiss to the tip of his dick.
Eren curses loudly, his eyes bulging out of his head.
"Alright...you don't have to..."
Jean licks his dick from base to top.
"Ffffuuuck ok babe don't tease, ok? Don't do this stuff if..."
"But I want to. I've been thinking about it. Don't you want to?"
Oh, fuck. That's...something, that mental image, Jean looking up at him, his messy hair, his red lips and his wet tongue dragging on his dick...
"Jean...I..."
"You wanted this, didn't you? This is what the lip thing makes you think of. I remember you said that - you said, suck your lip in like you would suck my..."
Jean gives another lick, wraps his lips around Eren's tip, and this is basically everything Eren ever wanted in one neat package, fuck.
"Woah, ok, alright, wait..." Eren puts a hand on Jean's shoulder to push him away. "We gotta do this proper, alright? Not without protection."
Jean nods. He's still insecure, still nervous, but he seems determined, too, like this is really what he wants to do, and Eren is reminded of the second phone call, how he started out shy and then got progressively more shameless.
Eren recovers the condoms he pulled out of the drawer and offers one to Jean.
"Do we have to use this?"
"Yep. You don't want to?"
Jean shrugs.
"Figured it wasn't needed, actually. My ex - I had just one girlfriend who liked to give me head, and she asked for a condom, but it was because she didn't like the taste, and...I...I'm not sure how to do it. I mean, I did study, but you read so many different kind of things on the Internet," he confesses, his mouth still so close to Eren's dick that he can feel his breath.
"You can catch stuff from giving head, and I know you're as pure as the driven snow but I am not and so better safe than sorry," Eren explains, trying to sound calm and wise and in control and not at all like the idea of having his dick in Jean's mouth isn't making him practically giddy with excitement. "Plus, like this you don't have to swallow."
"I...I'd rather have your taste in my mouth than that of the condom, if I'm honest," Jean says, going an even brighter shade of red and turning his head to the side, and Eren's eyes widen so much he thinks they will pop out.
How the hell. How does he know all of his fucking stupid buttons. This is like the phone call all over again.
He tries to feign nonchalance as he gives the condom to Jean, even if inside he's going crazy with him.
"When we've been dating for a while, alright?"
Jean smiles up at him, so so bright, and it takes Eren a second to connect he just admitted he wants to date Jean for a while. Not that Eren is ashamed of admitting it, but Jean is pleasantly surprised whenever he says stuff like this.
Which is sad, because it means he doesn't hear much of it, but also nice, because it means he, too, wants to keep on seeing Eren.
Jean lets his eyes fall down, his blond eyelashes hiding them from view as he starts to pump Eren up and down, trying to make him fully hard for the condom, and Eren allows himself to get lost in the moment a little.
He apparently did study, the angel, and he has such delicate hands, with long fine fingers. He opens the condom carefully, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth a little, and then unwraps it over Eren's dick, his movements so studied that Eren can't help but imagine him doing the same to a banana to try it out, and he snickers a little.
"What?" Jean looks up, ever the self-conscious, nervous babe.
Eren smiles down at him, as encouraging as he can manage - which is a lot, because he really feels like Jean's current pursuit is worth of encouragement.
"Tell me if I'm doing something wrong," Jean ventures, and then he wraps his lips around Eren's tip again and Eren gets kind of breathless.
He fists his hands in the sheets and marvels at the fact that Jean, first timer at giving head, knows that he should cover his teeth, has all the right ideas about where to put his tongue. Fuck, he's a national treasure.
And then Jean starts sucking, his cheeks hollowing, bobbing his head up and down and making obscene noises, his hand reaching around to press just under his lips, and Eren makes a noise like a pterodactyl hitting a tree and his last coherent thought is that it's good he asked for the condom because he's absolutely unable to use human language at the moment and nobody likes surprise bukkake.
Jean sucks him through his orgasm, because he is a an angel, and when Eren opens his eyes, finally coming down from it, he finds him smiling up at him, his lips shiny with spit.
"Still the fastest gun in the West, eh?"
"Oh, shut up," Eren says, his breath still short. "There's no way this is the first time you suck cock."
Jean pulls up three fingers. "Scout's honor." He thinks about it for a second. "Wow. Can't believe I used Scout's honor for that."
"So that was all natural talent?"
"My ex was really good at it," Jean explains as he goes down to lay next to Eren. "I just went with what I learned from her."
"Remind me to send her a fruit basket."
"Won't have to send it far, it's Hitch."
"Wait. You fucked Hitch?"
"Unbelievable, uh? We dated for like, three months, during the first year of uni, when I moved back to Germany."
"Was it good?"
"The sex was actually very good, but the rest...A disaster. I thought of Marco and Mikasa, Hitch thought of Marlow and Annie."
Eren laughs.
"And now, who were you thinking of?"
Jean turns his head to the side.
"You know it."
"I want to hear it."
Jean seems to want to pull himself up, but then he changes his mind and hides his face in Eren's neck.
"Only you."
Eren presses a kiss to his temple.
"So, how was your first gay experience?" he asks after a while, when they're already all cozied up under the covers, sharing body heat.
"..."
"Jean?" Eren asks, a little nervous. He knows he didn't exactly blow his mind, but at least...
"...'M not sure."
"Not sure?"
"It was nice, don't get me wrong, but..." Jean raises his head up with a mischievous smile. "It's not like I have any means of comparisons, right? I mean, I would need at least another one or two, uh, experiences, to be able to..."
"Jean," Eren asks, grinning. "Do you want to do it again?"
"Well, of course not, but you know...The scientific theory says that you can't really express yourself on the results of an experiment until it has been successfully repeated, so..."
"For science!" Eren echoes as he slides under the covers, making Jean laugh.