Chapter Text
Look, Fundy knew the odds were stacked against them even before they set off on the mission to capture Technoblade. Quackity thought that their numbers would be enough to give them the advantage but Fundy knew better. Losing Ranboo was a blow to their limited chance of success, no matter how halfhearted the hybrid was when it came to combat. Even the addition of Dream to the Butcher's Army did little to calm the fox's worries.
He walked to the arctic fully expecting the whole group to be slaughtered for daring to challenge the Blood God. What he did not expect was what actually went down.
First, Ranboo stepped out of the barn, just as surprised to see them as they were to see him. Even Technoblade expressed confusion over his presence, which just set off an array of alarm bells in his head. Instincts were screaming at him that there was more going on than what he could see, and it had something to do with the barn.
This was only proven when Quackity so stupidly ignored Techno’s warning and threw open the doors. Truly he deserved that sheep crushing his bits.
Fundy counted his lucky stars that the animals didn’t seem to think he or Tubbo were major threats. While dogs and birds did go after them, it was mostly to corral them into a corner between the house and Technoblade’s bee farm. It took Fundy a bit to realise that they were being kept out of the way while the animals went after their true target: Dream.
Shockingly, this animalistic assault wasn’t even the highlight of this entire shitshow. The real action played out after Technoblade went to investigate his barn. Whatever he found in there enraged him so much that he completely ignored the angry, murderous polar bear and grabbed Dream. Uncaring of the fact that the man had passed out (Fundy was only mildly concerned about the admin’s inability to retain consciousness), Technoblade shook him like a rag doll before demanding answers. About Tommy!
The things Dream admitted to… the laundry list of abuse and manipulation he heaped on Tommy… the shameless declarations of his believed superiority… made Fundy feel genuinely sick.
The gory scene that followed Technoblade essentially feeding Dream to the angry polar bear was what tipped him over the edge. His “bloody” apron (it was never blood. Just red paint to make them all look intimidating) was covered in bits of the disgusting admin, which he did his best to ignore as he tried to shield Tubbo’s eyes. President or not, he was a kid and had no business witnessing this horror movie-worthy scene.
Technoblade turned to face them, drenched in the sticky red that was all that remained of Dream. For one terrifying moment, Fundy was convinced that they were about to be the polar bear’s next victims. However, the piglin just looked done, a haunted look in his eye that reminded him of how (Dad) Wilbur looked after the election. Slowly, the Butcher Army’s prey lifted a single hand, pointing in the direction of L'Manberg.
“Leave.”
Fundy didn’t even hesitate. The second the dogs parted for him, the fox grabbed Tubbo by his shoulders, dragging the silent teen over to the collapsed form of Quackity. The avian was still shaking in pain and didn’t hesitate to let Fundy drag him to his feet. Then, before either of his two governmental associates could object, he took them both by the wrist and started the long journey back to L'Manberg.
Their plan failed, was doomed to fail from the beginning. The fact that Techno was satisfied with Dream’s death was a miracle that was unlikely to stick around, so Fundy had no plans to either. He still had all three Canon lives and he was quite happy to keep them.
It was a long walk back to L’Manberg, but compared to the alternative, he took it.
-----
Techno dumped a bucket of water on the red polar bear, doing his best to clean her bloody fur. She was being oddly cooperative after days of chasing him off, but the piglin figured it was mostly due to her current appearance. Not only could the rather excessive amount of blood and viscera scare Tommy, but it also posed a risk to his health in the unwell state he was in.
Thus did Techno find himself in a change of clothes, giving a bath to the polar bear who had just gutted one of the strongest and, Techno noted, most batshit players on the server.
Dumping another bucket over Baba, Techno scrubbed at her fur as he thought through his options. He knew that Dream still had two canon lives left after what happened, meaning he would most likely be back. The second that thought crossed his mind, he winced as the noise in his head reached a fever pitch.
Kill the Teletubby
Blood for the Blood God
Get him
What about Tommy
E
Runt runt runt
Don't leave the baby
Runt needs help
Baby
E
Blood for the Blood God
"Chat, shut up, you aren't being helpful.” He rubbed his head, exhaling through his nose as he closed his eyes. “Dream’s a problem, yes, but Tommy’s the main concern here."
Baba rumbled at him, distracting him slightly from his thoughts. He threw one last bucket of water over her, happy to see that she was back to being her proper white colour. He chucked the bucket back into his inventory before leaning against a tree. He tapped his chin, making a list in his head.
"First, we get him inside. I’ll stoke the fire, find any blankets that the animals haven’t taken and get him bundled up. From there, potions, food, better clothes, and gear."
He turned back towards his cabin, taking his attention off of the active threat beside him. Before he made it two steps, he pitched forward, falling face-first into the snow. Letting out a startled "Heh?" he lifted his head, trying to figure out what happened.
The low growl emanating from beside him caused him to tense, freezing in place as pieces began to click together. Turning his head ever-so-slowly, Techno was confronted by the unpleasant sight of an angry polar bear standing over him.
"Bruh, what is your problem? I literally just bathed you, what else do you need from me?"
Clearly, this was the wrong thing to say as Baba roared at him, snorting in a derogatory manner. Behind him, there was the sound of the barn door opening, and footsteps began to approach. Techno rolled onto his back, looking back to see Ranboo being herded over to him by Steve. At the same time, Edward appeared on the stairs to his cabin, watching everything unfold.
Upon reaching him, the two-toned enderman looked him up and down, looking amused and annoyed at the same time. Techno sat up as best he could, staring down this tall child that had decided to live in his barn.
"Well, we finally meet face to face. Ranboo, right? Mind telling me what’s going on here since you’re clearly welcome in my barn when I’ve been so rudely kicked out.”
The teenager’s amusement withered away, the annoyance rising to the forefront of their expression. Baba seemed to share the sentiment, looming over Techno as she huffed and stomped, turning her head towards Edward. In response, Edward tilted his head before warbling at the hybrid child in some whacked version of Telephone.
“Why me…” he heard the teenager mumble before straightening up and taking a deep breath. “So, let me preface this by saying I don’t want to be here, or be acting as a mouthpiece for this mess. However, Baba and the elder want me to tell you that you’re not welcome anywhere near Tommy. He’s not your concern anymore.”
“Heh?!” This declaration baffled Technoblade. How could this twig-like hybrid think he could tell him that he wasn’t welcome in his own barn?! “Not my concern? Not Welcome? Kid, you are on my property, living in my barn, trying to keep me from my brother.”
Edward spat at that as Baba roared again, and Ranboo winced a bit before continuing. “The elder says that the barn isn’t yours anymore and that none of the animals will obey you. And Baba here says that the only reason she’s giving you the courtesy of a warning is that you let her deal with, and I quote, the green monster.”
Techno snorted, unamused by the path of the conversation. "Look, we’ve had our rough patches, but Tommy is my sounder. He’s my little brother, and I’m going to take care of him. You all have done a good job so far, but I’m here now. So-"
“So nothing,” Ranboo cut him off, crossing his arms and glaring at the piglin’s snout. "You blew up his home, you abandoned him after his other brother died, and the only reason you care now is that you feel guilty and you want to make yourself feel better."
“That’s not-!”
“Save it.” The irate teen turned away from him, walking back to the barn. “You had your chance, and you failed. Tommy deserves someone who will put him first, and that’s us. You wanna help? You can deliver food and medicine. Other than that, stay away from Tommy. This is your only warning.”
Edward and Baba followed the child into the barn, letting the door slam shut behind them, leaving Techno alone, lying in the snow.