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Standard Jedi Stupid

Summary:

“Commander Wolffe, this is for you.”

Wolffe held out his hand without looking, expecting a piece of flimsi or a data pad. He still had a minute to be glued to screen before he could look at the general.

He rolled around the object in his hand to figure out what it was.

A comlink?

Notes:

Title and inspiration of the vibe of this fic is from i take from you everything you will allow by chameleonchanging

Specifically this line: "...who pronounces Plo Force exhausted and standard Jedi stupid but otherwise fine."

Chapter Text

 

Marshal Commander Bly, CC-5052, of the 327th Star Corps

and

Jedi Master and General Aayla Secura of the 327th Star Corps

 

“Do the numbers mean anything?”

They were hunkered down in front of a large fire, eating a meal. They were free from rations, the General having led them on a hunt earlier in the day. It was nice, having them work together without the threat of droids blasting them. 

The general had asked him the question as he handed her her dinner. Bly set down his helmet on one side and his blaster on the other. “My name?”

The general has a small smile, “Yes, I prefer your real name, but I’m curious about your birth one.”

Bly tried and failed, like always, to stop the swelling of affection that came when talking to his general. “The numbers are randomized, nothing special there.”

The general seemed to roll his words around in her mind, as she took a large bite of her meal. They continued in silence, and let the murmur of their men talking and laughing around them filling in.

The general turns to him and Bly looks up. 

“There’s nothing about you that isn’t special.”

*

*

*

Commander Gree, CC-1004, of the 41st Elite Corps

and

Jedi Master And General Luminara Unduli of the 41st Elite Corps

 

General Unduli was meditating.

Gree had already slid the door open, he stood frozen wondering if he should step back and return later.

The general was floating about two meters off the ground.

“You aren’t bothering me, Commander. What do you have?”

She said all of this still off the ground and with eyes closed.

Okay.

“The finalized reports from Red Company.” Gree paused, “just need your signature.” 

He set the pad on the table next to the door, moving to leave. He didn’t expect the general to say, “Would you like to join me?”

Gree turned to find the general smiling with eyes open. 

Gree smiled back.

“As long as I don’t start floating.” He sits facing her, the general finally lowering herself back to the floor. He sits in position, remembering the poses the general had first shown him, a few weeks ago.

“No promises,” the general jokes back.

*

*

*

Commander Ponds, CT-411, of the 91st Mobile Reconnaissance Corps, and Leader of Lightning Squadron

and

Jedi Council Leader, Master, and High General Mace Windu of the Systems Army Alpha

 

Ponds had his head in his hands. He was so close to accepting his surrender. There was no way out.

“Commander?”

Hearing the general’s steady voice, he looks back up. 

He can see what he has to do in the general’s face, and presses the button. The little hologram monsters flicking off.

“Okay, you win.”

The general looks solemn, ever the gracious winner. Ponds held out his hand and the general gave it a strong shake.

The general’s face broke into a smile, “Another round?”

Ponds groans, but ruins the effect when he laughs, “Alright, alright, but this time I will win.”

*

*

*

Captain Rex, CT-7567, of the 501st Legion, and Leader of Torrent Company

and

Jedi Knight and General Anakin Skywalker of the 501st Legion

and

Jedi Padawan and Commander Ahsoka Tano of the 501st Legion

 

Rex walked by the general and the commander, sitting with heads together and whispering aggressively. Rex knew he should keep walking, but couldn’t stop himself from butting in.

“Sirs,” the way they both looked up at him, eyes wide, confirmed his suspicions that they were up to something. He stood in front of them at parade rest to wait for them to try to explain what they were doing.

“Rex! I thought you were, uh, checking over the ammunition?”

The general had his hands spread out over something on the table. There were small piles of mechanical tools and parts around them.

“Cee-Dee is overseeing, Sir. He’ll have a count within the hour.”

“Oh,” The general paused, already going through plans to hide his activity. He looks over at the commander, and sighs, when he sees Rex still standing there. “No use hiding it now, Snips.”

He moves his hands off the table. Rex sees on the table that it’s a disassembled pistol. It’s the same model that Rex uses. 

His pistols are still by his side, he checks,  and wonders what is going on.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” the commander looks up at him with her large eyes, and Rex does not feel bad for his suspicious glare. “It’s for you.”

“We were trying to do some upgrades on it, but we couldn’t agree which one to do first.” 

“I say that we should wire it through here.”

“And I say who has been building robots since they could walk?”

“Well if we want it to walk, that experience should come in handy. Until then, maybe we should start with the basics.”

Oh.

“Oh.”

Offended, the general was going to snap back, but he stopped when he heard Rex’s hard exhale.

Rex swallowed and tried to collect himself, “That’s, that’s good.”

The general and the commander smiled, smug. “You deserve the best, Rex.”

And what could Rex say to that?

 “Want some help?”

*

*

*

Marshal Commander Cody, CC-2224, of the 7th Sky Corps, Leader of the 212th Attack Battalion and Ghost Company

and

Jedi Council Member, Master, and High General Obi-Wan Kenobi of the Third Sector Army

 

“Cody?”

Cody looks up from across the table to his general.

“Yes, Sir?” 

The general gave a half smile, wanting to remind Cody that he could use his name when they were off duty, but still respected Cody’s choice.

“You should get some sleep.”

“I will when you do.”

The general chuckled, “How about a bedtime story, then?”

Cody crossed his arms as he leaned back, a retort on the tip of his tongue. 

“Sure,” Cody says instead, smiling.

If the general was surprised by Cody’s answer he didn’t show it. The general just cleared his throat and became the storyteller he loved to be.

“You’ll probably recognize where this story came from, but I will start at the beginning...”

*

*

*

Commander Wolffe, CC-3636 , of the 104th Battalion, and Leader of the Wolfpack Squad

and

Jedi Council Member, Master, and General Plo Koon of the 104th Battalion

 

“Commander Wolffe, this is for you.”

Wolffe held out his hand without looking, expecting a piece of flimsi or a data pad. He still had a minute to be glued to screen before he could look at the general.

He rolled around the object in his hand to figure out what it was. 

A comlink?

Wolffe’s eyes looked at the general for a quick second, but still a “Focus, Commander,” came from the general. He was staring at Wolffe with his hands steepled.

He wondered if there was an upgrade for his eye to be able to look at two things at once. If only to have at least one eye on the general at all times.

The screen clicks off, ending the session. Wolffe looks at his general and back at the comlink in his hand.

“Someone you don’t want to talk to, Sir?”

The general tilts his head, the sign for when he thinks Wolffe is being funny. “No, it’s yours,” the general puts his hands down in his lap. “You can use it to communicate with your brothers.”

A few months ago, they had a heavy conversation about what home and family meant to them. It was all they could do, after losing a devastating amount of men. The general finally got Wolffe to open up about his batchmates, after telling him a whimsical story from his own childhood.

That talk created something light in him, making him stand just a little taller. He could feel that same light expanding within him now.

“Thank you, Plo.”

Wolffe knows he shouldn’t cross the familiar built in boundaries, but holding the best gift he could ever receive, he has to make the general understand.

“It’s the least I can do,” says his general, as if it didn’t take weeks of planning and coordinating.

*

*

*

Batch #32 consisted of four Clone Commanders and two Clone Troopers.

*

They all secretly knew that they were the first within the group to be decanted. They all agreed that Cody was the oldest, only for the reason he hit his growth spurt first. In actuality, they were all born at the exact same time.

All of them except for Rex, who opened his eyes and took his first breath 2.45 seconds before the rest.

*

*

*

No one would call Commander Wolffe a coward. No one who had ever seen Wolffe would dare to. From his bucket to his boots, he was every bit of what his name implied.

As Wolffe stares at the comlink, wanting more than anything to press the button, he does nothing. If Wolffe isn’t calling himself a coward by now...

What was wrong with him?

He presses down on the button, without thinking about it, and waits for it to connect.

*

Cody was the nearest person in range to Wolffe’s position.

Cody felt the little communicator go off, from where he had tucked it into his armor. Unfortunately, he was stuck in a holo call. He would call back after. He stood up straighter and tried to ignore it.

He felt the general look at him and made himself focus. When he glanced at the General, he was using his hands to signal answer to Cody.

“Excuse us, Admiral. We have cut this meeting short. If we have any questions, we will refer to your report.”

Cody waited for the admiral to nod before stepping away and answering the link.

“This better be you, 36.”

*

Long before the Jedi had stepped foot on Kamino, the clones had their own way of naming themselves in their batch. Of course, they knew themselves only as the numbers the Kaminoans had assigned them, but each batch had their own way of distinguishing each other.

They developed nicknames based on the small ways they were different from each other. From physical features, personalities, and all the way down to how they made their beds.

Cody was unoriginal in his nicknames, only going for his brother’s last two numbers. 

Still, he was all his batchmates' favorite brother. They were bred and trained to be leaders, which they excelled at, but Cody was the head of their group.

Most importantly, Cody had made sure that all of his brothers knew they were loved, even before they knew what the word was for it.

Neither the Kaminoans or the Jedi have taught them what love was, they created it out of nothing for each other. 

Cody was the best at expressing it, and Wolffe knew he was loved even when he hung up abruptly to have the last word.

*

Rex was closest to Wolffe, after Cody, in their current positions in the Galaxy and in life.

*

Rex hadn’t heard the comlink go off.

He had been asleep.

*

“Still alive?” Wolffe asks him.

“For now,” Rex replies, and goes back to sleep. He leaves the link on, and Wolffe listens to his snores for more than a few minutes.

*

Pond’s bunk was right next to Wolffe’s on Kamino. For years, they had slept right next to each other, with only a thin metal wall separating them. They had developed their own language with a series of taps against that wall. Wolffe still remembers the day they created the language, both of them too full of something to fall asleep.

I’m here, Wolffe taps on the metal he has the link laying on.

I’m here, the sound from the link repeats back to him, tinny and crackling from the speaker.

It could have also been asshole, the taps that made up the words sounded the same.

*

Gree was too far away in the galaxy for Wolffe to reach him. It took him weeks before the link could just barely connect.

“Hey,” Wolffe says after calling day after day for weeks to finally hear Gree. “You good?”

“Yep,” Gree says, thirteen months since he last heard his brother's voice. “You?”

“Yep.”

*

Bly’s team was on an escort mission.

He was annoyed that they were even there. It was such a misuse of his and his general’s time. He clenched his jaw over how pompous the senator was that required two generals and their commanders. From Wolffe’s shoulders, Bly could tell he was thinking the same.

General Secura and Koon had been the closest Jedi to the planet for the escort. An escort so over done, that Bly was sure that would attract trouble, just from the principle of it.

He felt his second comlink go off, the one General Secura pressed into his hand a few weeks ago. Only saying, “From the wolf himself.”

He looks over at Wolffe, next to him, right behind their generals. Bly doesn’t get it, and Wolffe gives him one of his “are you stupid” looks.

Oh!

“General Secura, a message for you.” 

“Ah, yes, please excuse me, Master Koon, Senator.”

The sleazy senator stopped his story, and pleaded for the General to stay. The general did not wear her Jedi robe, feeling like the garment got in the way. She was always polite, living up to the Jedi peacekeeping reputation. But compared to General Koon’s aura of quiet wisdom, she seemed extremely chatty.

The senator finally relented after the General said she would return as soon as she was able.

When they were down the hall, and out of earshot, the general finally let her annoyance show by taking a deep breath. After another breath, she smiled at Bly and said, “Thanks for the rescue, Commander.”

“Anytime, General.”

*

Near the time Kamino was preparing to send their clones to the Jedi, Wolffe had given Bly his name.

“Bly,” Wolffe says out of nowhere.

“What?” CC-5052 asks, not looking up from his reading.

“To see,” Wolffe replies, unhelpfully. “Bly means to see.”

“What am I seeing?”

He drops his reading to glare at Wolffe, when Wolffe starts chuckling.

“Yeah, Bly’s a good fit for you.”

*

*

*

“SJS.” Wolffe says after Rex gave them the laundry list of what General Skywalker did this week.

“No,” Cody’s sharp voice says, “Don’t engage with him,” A minute later Cody’s voice returns with a tired “Fine.”

“What you got there, Wolffe?” 

“SJS, standard Jedi stupid.”

“The Jedi aren’t stupid.”

“They aren’t, but their actions sure can be.”

They all agreed on that.

“What about Standard Jedi Shit?”

“No,” Cody’s voice comes through again.

“SJB, standard Jedi bull?”

They agreed that that worked, all except Cody who felt this was going to cause trouble.

He was right, of course, but not in the way he could ever anticipate.