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It would have been hard to miss the giant smoke cloud rise up in the air, even if it was all the way in TonDC. But Raven wondered if the people from Before felt the same shake of the ground when the nuclear bombs fell and ruined all hope for life on Earth.
(Or maybe not so ruined.)
Raven was vaguely reminded of the similar cloud that ascended after blowing up the bridge with Finn all those weeks ago.
Finn.
The name was still a stabbing pain deep in her chest, but at least she didn't feel like it was bleeding anymore. The pain would fade, just as it always did. But the memories of Finn, her Finn, would never go away. True, they hadn't ended the way she thought they would have. But Finn was still Finn, and he was still her family. And now that he was gone, she was completely alone.
"Ark Station, do you read?" Bellamy's crackling voice came over the radio, stressed and low, just like Raven remembered before Clarke closed the drop ship door. "Raven? You there?"
Well, maybe, she's not completely alone.
"Yeah," She pushed the button into the radio, equal parts grateful and anxious to hear Bellamy's voice. "I'm here."
"Did Clarke- have you heard anything?" She wondered if it was just the static of the radio or if his voice really did just crack.
"They're not back." Raven looked towards the empty doorway. "But Bellamy… the missile definitely hit the ground."
There was no answer for a long while on his end. Raven could picture him, hair sweaty and matted, wearing some Mountain Man's uniform he told her he had confiscated (she didn't want to know what that meant), head bowed and eyes clenched tight. Two of the people he cared about most were unaccounted for. And Raven of all people knew how he got.
"Bellamy… Whatever happens to them- whatever the outcome, you have to-"
"I know what I have to do, Raven." He spat the words at her and she cringed in response, shutting her own eyes tightly at his anger and frustration. "I- I'm sorry. I know. I know what's expected of me. What Clarke- what I need to finish.
Raven pursed her lips, debating what to say. Bellamy didn't like fluffy words and false promises. He was a man of action; he only liked to see results. Telling him everything would be fine and that she was sure that Octavia and Clarke were okay would be a waste of air. And she was no good at reassuring anyone these days.
"Do you need to run through what else you need to do to disable the acid fog?" She couldn't tell if he sighed in response to her distraction, or even if appreciated it. But if there was one thing Raven knew, was that on the chance that Clarke and Octavia made it out of TonDC alive, they would be itching for a fight and Bellamy and Raven needed to be ready to give them one.
--
The congregation of the few Sky People that had been in TonDC slowly made their way to Camp Jaha.
With the very noticeable absence of one person.
Octavia limped steadily next to Lincoln, as he hefted one side of the stretcher holding Kane. The former Councilor was unconscious, bleeding heavily from his forehead and abdomen. It was luck that the blast hadn't killed him like it had so many others. Octavia cringed at the thought of bringing Kane to Chancellor Griffin. She knew that Abby, and maybe Jackson, would be the only one's to lay a hand on the man, given Abby's protective streak.
Octavia cringed at a lot of things.
Least of which included telling her brother that Clarke was nowhere to be found.
She didn't know what relationship the blonde had with her brother, but she did know that he needed her. Despite the fact that Clarke had sent him into Mount Weather, she knew Bellamy respected Clarke and would follow her anywhere. Octavia just hoped he didn't follow her into death.
The cry of the guards at the gate brought her out of her reverie, as the small group went quickly inside the sanctuary of the electric fence. People swarmed around them, shocked and exclaiming at the sight of the bedraggled group. Octavia scanned the group of terrified people, hoping, praying that a small blonde would magically appear and start barking orders.
No such luck.
"We need Dr. Griffin." Octavia all but yelled as they reached Medical.
"Dr. Griffin's not here." Abby's assistant, Jackson, stood in front of a gurney, hands wringing and face flushed. "She left right after Clarke did. To TonDC."
Octavia stood, mouth open in shock and despair, as Lincoln and the guard lifted Kane's immobile body onto the gurney. "But- but if she was there- we didn't see her…"
This changed everything. If Abby Griffin was in TonDC when the missile hit, there was a more than likely chance that she was just another broken body among the rubble there. They had sorted through the worst of the destruction, mostly in an attempt to find Lexa and Clarke, but all they had come up with was broken pieces of stone and dirt and bodies of others. None of their leaders'. But Lexa and Clarke had been deep in the recesses of Lexa's unofficial headquarters at TonDC, they could've been deeper than even Octavia knew, bodies torn and bleeding and broken and oh god if Clarke was dead what is this going to mean for Bellamy? For everyone? For the 47?
If Clarke, Abby, and Kane were all dead, what did that mean for all of the Sky People? Who would lead them? Without Lexa to prevent the other Grounders from attacking, it would be little more than a massacre.
"What happened?" Jackson's eyes were soft and full of pain, but he turned to Kane and started fluttering nervously above him, trying to assess his injuries.
"Missile. There was a missile that hit TonDC." Octavia said faintly. The room grew silent as everyone contemplated exactly what that meant. She needed to talk to Bellamy.
"That was what that boom was. They- they have bombs." It was Jackson who said it, head bowed over Kane, fingers in the curve of Kane's neck, feeling for a pulse. "I need blood and suture kit. Now."
Lincoln's eyes met hers, and Octavia wondered once again how strong he was. People he knew, people he maybe even loved, had been blown to pieces that day, but he still helped the Sky People, still made sure Octavia made it back to Camp Jaha. Despite his obvious self- hatred, Lincoln was one of the strongest men she knew, next only to her brother. She knew she just needed to make him see that.
"Jackson. Come get me if his… situation changes." Octavia said, nodding to Kane's body. The assistant nodded his head at her while trying to staunch the restarted blood flow from the man's head wound. "I'm going to Engineering to talk to Bellamy."
"Octavia." Jackson's voice stopped her before she reached the door. "Clarke- she didn't come back with you either, did she?"
Octavia's bowed her head slightly, closing her eyes before shaking her head. Jackson's jaw clenched in understanding before turning back to Kane's body. "I'll let you know if status changes."
She nodded before turning to stride through the door. Lincoln's fingers brushed hers as they strode quickly to Engineering, where Octavia was sure Raven would be waiting. He didn't grab her hand, somehow sensing that if she received any comfort before talking to Bellamy, she would be a wreck.
Raven stood up shakily when they entered, radio in her hand and eyebrows raised in hope and relief.
"Bellamy's on the radio. We've been waiting to hear back from you." Raven looked behind them, for the one person who would probably never come through the doors again. "Clarke made it to you in time then?"
Octavia shook her head in question. "Clarke made it to us? What do you mean-" Understanding strummed through her body, even as anger and indignation swept through her. "Clarke knew about the bomb?"
Raven's eyebrows met in the middle of her forehead in a frown. "Bellamy heard about it while wandering the tunnels. The Mount Weather President ordered a missile to hit the Grounder camp. Clarke went to warn you guys before it hit." She gestured to Octavia and Lincoln. "Obviously she made it in time. You're alive."
Octavia shook her head in anger. "She didn't tell us about the bomb. When she got to TonDC, she went to Lexa's headquarters, just the two of them. She- she didn't tell me. Even when I asked what had happened." Tears of frustration welled up in her eyes, but she clenched her jaw against the onslaught of emotion. She was not that girl that cried about everything. She was strong.
Lincoln's hand warmed the small of her back as he stepped up to her. Octavia leaned against his hard body, letting him hold her up.
"Octavia and I were in the woods, on guard, when the bomb hit. If we had been in camp, we would be dead." His voice was steady and low, and Octavia took all the comfort from it she could before standing up straight.
"Clarke didn't tell you about the missile?" Bellamy's voice sounded out of the tiny box on Raven's desk and Octavia took a deep breath at the sound of it. He was still alive.
"How did he hear that?" She asked, looking at Raven.
"Wick and I rigged it so it's more like a phone. He can hear everything we say, even without pressing the button." The slight brunette limped out of the way as Octavia stood even closer to the radio.
"Bell? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. I'm more worried about you, but it sounds like you're doing okay, too." His voice was low and scratchy when he replied, but to Octavia it was one of the most wonderful things she had ever heard. "Go back to Clarke. She didn't tell you?"
"No." Octavia bit her lip. "Though I'm assuming that's what she wanted to talk to Lexa about. That's why she was in such a hurry."
"She would have let you get blown up?" Octavia knew the sound of her brother when he got angry, and he definitely was angry with the princess.
But then Octavia remembered the one person- or two people, if you counted Dr. Griffin- who didn't make it back to camp. And she almost couldn't be mad anymore at Clarke for not warning everyone about the missile. Clarke was dead. She was dead and Octavia was alive and now she had to tell her angry brother that he couldn't be mad at his partner because she wasn't around to defend herself.
"Where is she? We need to have a discussion."
Lincoln and Octavia looked at each other with sad, anxious eyes, completely forgetful of Raven standing next to them, seemingly reading their nonverbal conversation. Raven gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth and stepping back, only to bump into the shelving unit holding her tools. She shook her head, even as tears filled her eyes.
"No." The word wasn't more than a whisper.
But it was apparently loud enough for Bellamy to pick up. "What? What is it? Octavia? Raven? What happened?"
"Clarke didn't make it out, Bellamy."
--
Bellamy sat there for what seemed like forever, trying to sound out exactly what Octavia had just said. She said Clarke didn't make it out, as in Clarke was dead. As in, not alive, no more, no longer among the living.
He coughed, "I didn't hear you right, O, say that again."
He closed his eyes as he heard his sister take a deep breath, clenching his jaw against what he knew she was going to say.
"She went with Lexa down to the main room, but- but the missile hit and no one came up. The entire building, along with everything else, was completely decimated." Octavia paused before continuing, "Nobody could have lived through that, Bellamy, not even Clarke."
Bellamy didn't say anything as images rushed through his head.
"I need you." Lying bloodied and tired against a tree.
"You did good here, Bellamy." One last look at their camp before leaving.
Her horrified face before the drop ship doors closed.
"You wouldn't be alone."
"I can't lose you too, okay?"
"You came through, I knew you would."
"You're sure?" His rough voice stopped the recollection of pictures racing through his mind.
"Wha-what?" Octavia sounded confused.
"You're sure that she's dead? You saw her body?"
"Well- well, no. We didn't see her body. But, Bellamy. No one on this earth could have survived that. The entire building caved in. There was nothing left standing." Her voice was forceful, sure of what she had seen, or rather, hadn't seen.
Bellamy pinched his fingers over the bridge of his nose, before rubbing his eyes and taking off his hat. He brushed his hand through his hair, desperately trying to stay calm.
"So we don't know for sure?"
"I- I guess not. But Bellamy-"
"No, Octavia. Until we see a body, we're holding out hope." He was already sitting against the wall in the art archives, where Maya had first shown him the original radio. All around him, pieces of art from hundreds of years previous littered around him. They had all survived the first nuclear war. If these flimsy pieces of canvas could survive, so could Clarke. "I'm going to see if there's any changes outside. I'll be right back."
He heard a quick "Be safe." From Octavia before the line went dead, assumingly Raven had reverted the radio back to its original form.
But he didn't move. Bellamy leaned his head back against the wall, heart pounding in absolute anguish.
Clarke couldn't be dead. Not Clarke. Not his partner. Not his- his- whatever she was to him. Bellamy had had a lot of time to think since getting to Mt. Weather, between his waiting hours when the halls were full of people and when he was supposed to be sleeping. A lot of images passed through his mind. Lovejoy. The 47- or 45 or however many left of them there were. Least of which the 300 damned souls he had killed by trashing Raven's radio so many weeks ago. Finn. But the only ray of hope, ray of light in his everlasting montage of dim and dirty images, was Clarke. The princess of Earth, although he did not dare call her that now.
Sure, her light had dimmed a little. He had noticed it after she had escaped the very place he willingly went back into, and especially after Finn. But Clarke was still Clarke. She was his partner, probably his best friend, if they had need for any of those down here, and his guiding light. She couldn't be dead. Her light couldn't be out.
He could but couldn’t even be mad at her for not telling Octavia about the missile. If she had made it out, she definitely would have warned his sister, only one of the three other women in the world he cared for, he reasoned.
Bellamy knew he hadn't just seen Clarke as his friend or partner or even just as a guiding light in a long time. Somewhere along the way, in between avoiding death and saving each other, she had become more, more than just a friend. He hadn't had a chance to define it before being sent to Mt. Weather, but now it was solidifying in his heart.
He loved her.
Yes, he loved her as a friend, probably had since their day trip that went horribly wrong with the appearance of Dax. But he also loved her as more than that. He wanted to protect her. Make her laugh. Make her smile and wipe off that persistent frown that had been present since they reached Earth. Make her happy. Make her his own.
Now he would never get a chance to do that.
No, he shook his head, even as his heart howled in protest at the thought of her dead, she is not dead, she can't be.
Because he honestly thought he would feel it. If Clarke were dead, a huge hole would have appeared in his heart where she used to be. He would know.
(He would get mad at her later for leaving Octavia there to die. Clarke always had a reason for doing things; he could trust her on this.)
Bellamy wiped his cheeks hastily, where did those tears come from, and stood up. Brushing his hands on his pants, he made his way to the door of the art storage, making little noise and barely breathing.
He, along with Clarke and Raven and Octavia, would save their people. They would make it home and safe. He would come back to his girls, if it was the last thing he did.