Chapter Text
A month after Fred’s demise Nick arranged for June to be picked up at the Maria-Magdalena Academy, the site of their warm reunion and the first time he’d seen Holly since she was just a few months old. Against his desire for June to remain safe in Canada to focus on her marriage and family she insisted on returning to Gilead to join the resistance. June revealed to Nick that her relationship with Luke was over. Nick wasn’t sure at first, certain June was just reacting to the intensity of Fred Waterford’s salvaging. But he came to know that her mind was clearly made up and June threatened to leave on her own if he didn’t help her.
She told Nick her plan was to cross over into No Man’s Land with the help of local US contacts in touch with Mayday. He tried, in one last futile attempt, to convince her to move forward with her life in Toronto but he knew as the words came out of his mouth the suggestion was laughable.
“You know how this conversation is going to end, Nick. You. know,” June said to him over the phone. Nick imagined her poking her finger at him as she said it. “Let’s just cut the bullshit. If you don’t help me I will make my own way.”
Nick made one last attempt to explain his position, “I know I can’t force you to do anything but what kind of person would I be if I didn’t try to talk you out of this? You’re the mother of my child.”
Fearing the many dangers she would be exposing herself to if she went on her own, Nick knew he had no choice but to get on board. He didn’t know how to resolve all of the logistical issues this created for him but if he was honest with himself he was open to the idea of her return.
In response June stated her case further, “I know you’ve always looked out for me, Nick, and our daughter doesn’t change the fact that we both might face consequences for killing Fred. I’m safer on the run with the resistance to protect me than I am with Mark Tuello lurking on the outskirts of my life. He doesn’t trust me and I sure as fuck don’t trust him. I can’t shake the feeling that somehow his agenda involves Serena. Even if I hadn’t killed Fred our family would still be at risk. This is a more useful solution and you know I’m right.”
Nick stayed silent for long moment. He let his mind wander about what June was inferring. He himself had wondered about Tuello but this was the first time he’d heard suspicions about Mark that also involved Serena. It confirmed the feelings of uneasiness he’d felt around Mark. He seemed like a conflicted actor from the start and had made a mental to note not to let his guard down around him. If Serena became involved there was going to be trouble down the road for sure. He had no regrets about Fred but hearing this from June corroborated the nagging but unvoiced worries he’d had about Serena as they planned Fred’s demise.
A part of him hadn’t stopped wondering if Serena should have been the one left hanging in the wilderness. Fred had left a trail of pain and torture in his wake, certainly, but he was also a dumb fuck and his days had been numbered no matter what the future held for him.
During the planning of Fred’s salvaging when Nick contemplated whether to also include Serena, no matter what game plan he imagined it always became too complicated. Besides, he couldn’t see destroying her unborn child, too. Nick was and would always be pro choice but, of course, this was a completely different scenario altogether. As much as he knew June hated Serena he didn’t think June could live with the responsibility of killing her unborn child.
He and June were intimately aware of the lengths Serena would go to save herself. She would destroy anyone who stood in her way. Her time to face consequences would come but it was down the road. Serena was definitely a threat, but Nick had decided that for now any plans to deal with her would have to wait until after her baby was born.
“Nick, are you there? Please tell me what you’re thinking.”
June could hear Nick’s breathing on the other end of the line as she waited for him to decide whether he would help her. Finally he sighed signaling that he was ceding to her request, but with a caveat.
“I want you to understand something, June. I will die before I let Serena have any influence in our daughter’s future. It might mean that Holly, too, will have to go underground at some point. But please realize your safety is just as important to me as Holly’s. She needs her mother to stay alive. And I do, too. You have to listen to me and do what I tell you. You have to promise me.”
Nick laid it out for June. He explained that the problem with her coming to Gilead was the situation with Hannah was very personal for her. He admitted to her that he was worried it might lead to risky decisions. For now, all he could do was get her inside Gilead safely. She had to stay away from Colorado, at least for now.
Originally his plan had been to convince June to become a Mayday operative within Canada, even if she didn’t stay in Toronto. When that discussion failed, they compromised by making her an operative stationed in rebel territories for the near future. Whether she would be satisfied with that was a different story altogether but she had promised him she’d stick to his plan. Nick knew that despite his feelings of trepidation, June would be a formidable soldier in the fight against Gilead. His ultimate goal was Hannah, too, but he wasn’t lying to June about the difficulty and danger. Regardless, at some point there would be a way, somehow, to make it happen, he just couldn’t have June going rogue beforehand.
It turned out they had an honest and frank discussion and Nick was happy when they both agreed to meet at a Mayday safe house in No Man’s Land. They would spend a week alone there together so that they could discuss and train for joining the resistance.
With the demands of Nick’s rank it was shocking to June how easy it was to get time away. As a Commander at the front in the Midwest District Nick spent a lot of time traveling. He could explain away an absence here and there if he presented an assortment of itineraries to those with the need to know. He had allies in each base that could manage things and he had access to them through his most trusted guards should anyone need to reach him. And there was always the sat phone that he used to communicate directly with Commander Lawrence. If the shit hit the fan, he would be reachable.
Nick wanted to be very clear with June about what her involvement would look like, it’s practical limitations, and also how her past would inform her abilities to be a successful operative. Her joining the resistance would be an intricate process that would take time but he had no doubt she would be an amazing part of the team he had in mind, especially with the topic of Hannah placed firmly on the back burner. With her focused on the plan he knew they would succeed.
Nick was keenly aware June’s last eight months in Gilead were an important turning point for the resistance. The Angel’s Flight and June’s subsequent escape made her a hero in many circles. Angel’s Flight was legendary and could become the standard bearer for mass evacs out of Gilead. Realistically there wouldn’t be large planes available but there were valuable things to learn about the process. They had never had the chance to talk about it and they needed the time for her to walk him through it.
Ultimately, he just wanted their goals to be similar. Nick allowed himself to wonder what would come once they achieved everything they both wanted: actually damaging Gilead and managing to rescue Hannah. Was it reckless for him, for them, to think beyond? He had hopes but, as always, because failure was a possibility, he forced those thoughts away for another time.
Nick thought often about his original phone conversation with June after Fred died. It was short but she managed to express how different she felt after killing him. It was definitely cathartic but she knew the price she paid for it was a practical future as a mother and wife to Luke. She had known it would change her but she wasn’t expecting the monumental shift to be so swift and intense. It brought into focus just how fucked up Gilead had made her. It had stolen so much from her and her friends that a normal future seemed impossible knowing that there were still people suffering so much. There was a part of her that wished she could move on like Nick and Luke wanted for her but it just wasn’t in the cards that she’d been dealt. Even though Nick tried to convince her to stay with Luke, he did understand her need to leave Canada. He just wanted to be sure she wouldn’t regret her decision.
For her part, how could she live happily knowing there were people who may never have the opportunity to avenge their torturers? The decision wasn’t hard especially if you knew what it was like to live there. Nick didn’t like that she felt so much responsibility but he, too, wanted to bring it all down. It had always been his plan. He was sick of playing along but over the years he had forced his ambitions higher and higher because he knew the only way to burn it down was from a position of power, whether as a Commander or deep within the resistance. He knew one day he would face a reckoning but he would fight like hell until they threw his body into a grave. Knowing June wanted to be with him only strengthened his resolve.