Chapter Text
Elliot has been home for two days and Olivia still hasn’t answered his calls.
He’s trying his damn hardest not to worry. SVU never catches a break and Olivia being a Captain means she has to stay on top of her team. He remembers their workload back when they were partners and adds her kid in on top of it. Still, the silence is worrying.
Now you know how she felt for a decade, his head reminds him. The thing is, it’s been more than two days of worrying about her. In Rome, Olivia's ghost haunted him often. An action as mundane as turning on a street corner would remind him of home and he’d have to shake off the disappointment when the woman walking beside him was not his partner. Elliot had to deal with two strands of self-loathing: guilt over leaving Olivia behind and guilt that he wished he was by her side. The only thing he was certain of was that Kathy and Olivia both deserved much better than someone like him. Someone who chose one set of vows over another, even though his heart and his head and everything in him had remained with Olivia.
God, he figured, would condemn each of the diverged roads. Elliot had looked down both as far as he could and saw that pain lay at either end. Worrying about her was a consequence of his choice, a long-familiar penance that will never truly absolve him.
The distance had kept him sane in some ways. He was halfway across the world, so he didn’t expect to hear her name or read about the unit in the paper. It was easy to pretend that she was safe and happy and better off without a son of a bitch like him. There were still dark moments, days where stayed away from his family and found solace in a bottle. The worry is different in New York. Now that he’s back home for good, he has an ever-present urge to know what she’s doing, who she’s with. If she’s okay. The undercover work had been tough for a lot of reasons, but fuck, having to watch his every move and ration his contact with her had nearly pushed him to the limit.
He’s home now, though, and there’s not gonna be any more undercover work again if he can help it. As Elliot walks to his therapy appointment, he resolves to fix everything he’s fucked up in the last decade. God help his therapist, he thinks, dealing with him and the laundry list of sins he’s committed.
--
He’s been done with therapy for about ten minutes when he gets a text from Fin.
Get over here, is all it says, and the second he processes it, Elliot prays to God that Olivia’s okay. There’s nothing else the text could be about, and Fin staying cryptic is likely his way of both punishing Elliot and knowing that things will be better explained in person.
Mercifully, he’s only a few blocks from the 1-6 and he rushes there with his gut wrenching. She’s okay, he thinks. They’re at the precinct. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fucking fine. He enters the squad room and takes a second to look around, eyes searching desperately for a glimpse of Fin or Olivia. Instead, a man with tanned skin and a beard approaches him with an accusation in his eyes.
He does not have time for this.
“Where’s Liv?” he asks, moving towards her office. The blinds are shut and he’s pretty sure Fin must be in there, her steadfast supporter. Why she needs support, he has no goddamn idea, but he will do whatever he can to make sure she’s okay. It’s his turn.
“Stabler, right?” the man guesses correctly, and Elliot wonders how this man he’s never met can identify him. Clearly protective of Olivia, wearing a scowl beneath the beard. Knowing eyes that are suspicious of Elliot already. God help him, he does not have time for this.
“Right. Now get out of my way,” he commands, brushing past the man. The man’s identity does not matter. Elliot manages to grip his hand on the Captain’s office door handle for a second and then it’s wrenched away. The man is angry, clearly. Enough to want him away from Liv, even though Fin called him here in the first place. Christ.
“What the fuck is your problem, man?” Elliot spits back in response. “Fin asked me to come here.”
“My problem is men like you. All you do is use Liv for your own benefit and abandon her when she needs you. You fucking prick,” he curses. The man’s fists are clenched and if Elliot were any closer, he’s pretty sure he’d been sporting a black eye by now.
“And who the fuck are you?” Elliot asks, unwilling to acknowledge the uncomfortable truth of his actions to this stranger. But fuck, the anger building inside him is nearly boiling over. Who is this man protecting Liv, who knows the sins he’s committed against her?
“Nick Amaro. Liv’s partner,” the man adds for good measure. There’s a smirk on Amaro’s face like he knows just how to piss Elliot off already. Elliot can’t help but rise to the bait. Logically, he knows that Liv was a detective when he left and the world didn’t stop turning. A new partner was bound to be assigned, but fuck, Elliot had hoped it had been someone forgettable. A partner that could do his job and have Liv’s back but wouldn’t still be here years after she had been promoted.
“Liv hasn’t had a partner in years,” Elliot says idiotically. Amaro smirks in response, relishing in Elliot’s inability to let another man claim what he feels is his own rightful title.
“Yeah, she really hasn’t. Not one good enough for her anyway,” Amaro responds, shaking his head. Elliot is trying to decipher what the hell that means when there’s a sound of a door opening and he’s reminded that he’s in the 1-6. He looks around and there’s people in the squad room looking at him, though some eyes are trained behind him.
Olivia is standing outside her office. Fin is beside her, hovering protectively.
“Stabler, Amaro. My office now,” Olivia commands, and Elliot is just relieved to see her breathing.
He does what he should have done a decade ago and follows her.