Chapter Text
You paced in the freezing cold with a frown. Snezhnaya’s weather never changed, in fact, it felt worse these days. You could feel your fingertips going numb, even through the gloves, as you crossed your arms to try and make some warmth. The coat that you were wearing wasn’t good enough to withstand the cold of the day. You had to ask for a new one, but the thought made you hesitate. The less you spoke to your boss, the better. It meant not giving into his whims. You could already see the glimmer in his eyes at the thought of you asking him for something.
Your boss. Your frown got worse as you thought more about him. Childe, 11th of the Harbingers, was the headache that never left you. Of course, you did your best to make your boss happy. A happy Childe was the only version of him you ever wanted to see. Anything that could make him angry or upset was dealt with immediately. But keeping him happy was at your expense. Rather than oversee the new recruits himself, he’d left you in charge and kept being in far off lands. So, you were shipped back to Snezhnaya rapidly on his whims. “I hate having to send you off, but you get it, right?” Certainly.
Then, Signora died. You knew that he was in Snezhnaya. There was no way that he wouldn’t be. But where was he? The funeral had come and gone and all that you’d gotten was a letter. A stupid piece of paper that you’d burned in anger after reading its contents. He was in a hurry to ship off the new recruits.
“Captain?” asked someone. Your pacing slowed down as you turned to look at the recruits. They’d all been quicker with their training today. The one speaking to you, Ilya, was the most promising member of the small group. Though, the whole group had improved greatly over these few weeks.
“Yes, Ilya?” you asked softly. You kept telling yourself to be gentle with them. You’d be the last kindness they had before being sent all over the world to cruel hands. Plus, it’d be wrong to take your anger out on them. Childe was your reason for anger, not them.
“We finished our training like you asked. Is there anything else you want us to do?” he asked. You shook your head at them and gave them a strained smile. The weight of their future tormented you.
Every single one of these recruits before you were younger than you. They didn’t know what it was like. They didn’t know the true horrors that awaited them. It was always like this, no matter how much you tried to not get attached. It was like having a new part of your heart ripped out as they were sent off to their deaths. Perhaps it was ridiculous to care. Part of being in the Fatui meant not caring about others too much because you run the risk of getting hurt. All of you were mere bodies that the Harbingers could move around like pawns. But you couldn’t separate yourself from them. You remembered every single person that had been trained by you. You remembered them because you knew that the rest of the Fatui, the Harbingers, and even the Tsaritsa wouldn’t remember them.
It wouldn’t be long before someone in this new group died and were replaced with someone else. It wouldn’t be long for them to be separated from each other. It wouldn’t be long before you were assigned another group to train. A puff of air formed as you took a shaky breath. As you prepared to answer, a pair of arms wrapped tightly around you. Your brain stopped thinking for a moment. You were so keenly aware of the recruits looking at the person that was caging you in.
You looked up and felt your heart stop. Dark, sapphire eyes looked back down at you. It was that look. The one he always got when he had you right where he wanted you. You were his cherished prey. A chorus of cheerful greetings filled the air. You remained frozen in your spot. He’d made no mention of personally visiting the group before sending them off. You could only assume that he was purposefully trying to agitate you. There was never any freedom from him, was there?
“Look at how well behaved these recruits are, (Y/N). Why am I yet to hear your voice?” he asked. Behind the cheery tone, you could hear the underlying disappointment. Your stomach plummeted.
“Master Childe! I-I’m just surprised is all,” you whispered. The smile returned to his face. He turned his attention to the group.
“All of you are free to go back to camp. When you get there, someone will give you details on your next mission.”
“Yes, sir!” said the group as they hurried back to camp. As you watched them disappear in the snow, you bit your lip. You’d told yourself that you were going to be strong. You couldn’t cry. Especially not in front of him. It’d upset him to see you cry for others when you refused to be emotional with him. You couldn’t afford any misunderstandings.
“You’re shaking,” he said. “Are you that happy to see me?” You didn’t know how to respond. The emotions were overwhelming.
“Always am, Master Childe,” you answered. You hoped that your smile didn’t seem forced to him.
“I’m happy to hear that. You don’t know how difficult these last few weeks have been. Not being able to touch you in any way has been awful. I’ve been counting down the days for when I could see you again,” he said. His grip on you tightened more. It wasn’t like you could even escape him. No matter where you went, the shadow of Childe loomed over your existence. At its core, there was no hope for you. You were bound to this job. “You know, I’m so proud of you. You trained them in record time.” You knew that he had to have been watching them for some time. Perhaps the whole training run. He would ask for details if he wasn’t aware.
“Just wanted them to be the best for you, Master Childe.” You didn’t have the strength to fight against him. In gentler terms, you were a mere plaything to him. In reality, he felt like he owned you. Your own movements within the Fatui were restricted because the world knew what you were to him. You knew that the trainees only respected you because of the man that was eternally attached to you. Your title might as well be: Captain (Y/N), Harbinger Childe’s Pet. He orders you to do something and you do it.
But you had to maintain it. Maintain it for the smiles that waited back home for you. Your family couldn’t survive without you providing for them. “I expect nothing else,” he said as he nuzzled your face. “Since you’re done with these recruits, I can take you on my new mission.”
“Yes, Master Childe,” you said. You secretly wondered how much more you could take of any of this. The nature of training people just to send them off to their deaths, the constant moving around with no stability, and the suffocation of the man who held you.
But it was expected of you to be able to handle all of this, so you would.