Chapter Text
Neil’s mind numbed into a peaceful blur as he dozed in the Maseratti’s passenger seat, the pleasant familiar humming ebbed away some of his pent up nerves from the week. Although, it couldn't erase the phantom bite of metal on his wrists, nor could it stop his knees from trembling, but at least his mind was at peace.
Rather, as 'at peace' as his mind got. Unfortunately, his peace wasn’t meant to last. It seemed to never be, but this time it was only broken by Nicky’s outbursts. Neil didn’t know why he should expect different, they couldn’t drive past anything without his input. And frankly, they should all be used to it by now.
Though, not even Nicky could distract Neil from Andrew. It had been a long week for both of them, Andrew’s nightmares had been worse as the air turned colder, and Neil had been struggling to even just fall asleep, and if he did, it was never for long. They needed a night where things didn’t matter, where they could exhaust themselves (Neil) and fall into a drunken stupor (Andrew) for at least a couple hours of escape from their minds.
They pulled into Eden’s parking lot and once inside, went through their usual routines with Andrew and Neil heading off to get drinks after securing a table, as Kevin, Nicky, and Aaron took their seats. It was odd seeing the table so empty. Allison and Renee were on vacation for the holidays, and Matt and Dan were back at their homes; the monsters were back together again.
Neil sighed as they ordered their drinks. (Though really, it was just a look at Roland from Andrew.) The pulsating music rattled his teeth and was already giving him a headache. The others could get drunk anywhere they wanted, and Eden’s was feeling less and less like a good idea.
They waited in silence, Neil was too exhausted to engage in conversation, not that avoiding conversation was unusual for him, but he was tired and Andrew wasn’t there to speak with: he was just as burnt out.
Expectedly, the looming of the winter holidays unsettled them.
Sometimes Neil would wake up sweating and trembling, Lola’s face hovering over his own, perched on his thighs, hands creeping between them, and scoring marks across his body and face. Revulsion would drench him. Not even running allowed him to escape, and he’d shower and shower until he’d been scrubbed raw.
Though, he never quite felt clean anymore.
Neil wished he knew how Andrew woke up, but the only hint that Andrew gave of turbulent sleep was his absence from his bed in the morning.
At first, they tried to talk about it. Reluctantly, but they did. It just made things worse. All they could do was watch the other suffer while trying not to drown beside them.
Drinks in hand, they worked their way back to the table, and Neil was doing his best to clear a path for Andrew.
Nicky was already bouncing off the walls, practically vibrating out of his seat, and more so than to be expected. Neil had noticed he was nervous at Sweetie’s一jittery, talking too fast, talking too much, and constantly wringing his hands together.
(And if Neil saw him go up to their waitress before heading to the bathroom, and leaving an extra-large tip, well he hadn’t seen Nicky take any dust, but he was certainly showing the effects.)
They each took their shots, and as one would guess Kevin was trying to drown himself, drinking at a frightening pace, though Neil supposed not horribly for Kevin, all things considered.
Neil took a few sips of his pop meanwhile Andrew had yet to touch a drop of his own drink. Neil understood that getting drunk helped his mind quiet, but he also knew it meant a loss of control.
The music was growing louder, and the lights were getting dimmer. Neil already wanted to go to the house. Usually, he enjoyed at least parts of these nights out, especially with Andrew, but after the week they’d had, he really just wanted to leave. The sleeplessness was catching up with him. He wondered what Mary would think if she could see him exhausted by only a few too many nights without uninterrupted sleep. Would she just cuff over the face, scold him? Would she slip a pill into his glass and let him dope himself into rest, anything to keep him sharp, keep him alive? Would she一
A glass slamming onto the table brought Neil back to the present, Kevin had finished his next drink.
Aaron took a few shots then said something to Kevin that Neil couldn't catch over the speakers. The two headed into the throng of dancers and disappeared.
Nicky was across the table chatting away about something Neil didn't care to listen to, Neil occasionally nodded along or gave a sound of confirmation to keep him satisfied.
Really, Neil was more focused on Andrew. He still hadn’t had any of his drink, his eyes were lifeless and glazed, and dark circles exposed his fatigue. He was staring absentmindedly at the center of the table, not moving an inch. It had been like this all week: distant and silent. Neil didn't push, he figured if Andrew wanted to talk about it he would.
Eventually, Andrew stood, taking his box of cigarettes out of his pocket and briefly flashing them to Neil. Neil didn’t want to follow just yet, Andrew seemed like he needed the space, and someone should probably be keeping an eye on Nicky. Anyway, Neil didn’t know if he could handle the smell of the smoke right now. He shook his head softly meeting Andrew’s eyes.
He nodded and left through the crowd to the back doors.
Nicky was somehow still spewing a continuous string of words, apparently unbothered by Neil’s lack of serious acknowledgment or input. Neil still didn't bother to really listen to whatever story Nicky was telling, his mind focused on other things, or really avoiding things. He didn't process anything out of Nicky’s mouth until he caught his name.
It took him a second to realize what Nicky had even said.
“You look so good right now, Neil.”
Neil shot him an irritated look. This had been an unfortunate pattern of Nicky’s more often recently.
He was facing Neil, one ankle drawn up over the other leg’s knee, and his cheek resting on his open palm as he smirked at him.
Neil rolled his eyes and looked away.
Nicky drew his brows together like he was confused by Neil’s reaction, “I mean it.”
Neil turned to face him and jerked back as he almost brushed noses with Nicky, suddenly only inches away.
“I would love to do so many things to you right now.”
This close, Neil could see Nicky's pupils dilate, his eyes were wide and the whites tinged red. His breath reeked of cheap alcohol and held a hint of something else, something sweet Neil had only ever tasted once when Nicky had forced it into Neil's mouth from his own.
Nicky had definitely dusted at Sweetie’s.
Neil frowned and leaned back from Nicky's leering smile. “I really don’t care. Fuck off and sober up.”
Neil hated when Nicky got like this, when he gave him compliments. He couldn’t stand it, especially when Nicky was drunk. He was worse when he was drunk.
Nicky’s smile widened, he moved closer, scooting his body and leaning over to get his face closer to Neil’s. He used his height to try and crowd Neil back against the booth.
“Don't you want to know the things I would do?”
Neil stood, and before he could think of trying to find Andrew, he was pressed against the wall, his head wrenched as far back as it could go and the brick digging uncomfortably into his shoulder blades.
“No. You're drunk.”
Nicky gave an amused huff in response, “I’m not that drunk, c’mon Neil, live a little.”
Neil forced down a gag as the smell hit his face. Nicky was still smiling, and it occurred to Neil that Nicky thought that this was fun.
“We don't have to tell Andrew, we could do all sorts of things without him knowing.”
Neil continued to glare, he was sick of this.
“We’ve gotten away with stuff without him knowing before, haven't we?” Nicky leaned in so quickly their lips brushed before Neil shoved him roughly away.
Nicky was laughing, “Oh come on, don’t be like that, how can I help myself when you look the way you do. Squeezed into whatever Andrew shoved into your arms. Just delicious.”
Neil felt sick. His heart was pounding in his chest so loudly he barely felt the music anymore.
Nicky had always said things, that had never changed, but Nicky hadn’t made a physical move on Neil since that first night in Columbia. It wasn't something Neil thought he would have to worry about again.
Sure Nicky still said things that bothered Neil, talked about how good he looked, and obviously did it less whenever Andrew was around, but they were friends, weren't they? That’s what they’d said. He wouldn’t actually try anything again?
“Come on Neil don't you want to?”
Neil had to get away, this time he wasn't drugged out of his mind, and Nicky had been drinking, this time Neil could defend himself if Nicky decided to escalate things even more.
Just as Neil was about to bolt, Kevin stumbled into the table so hard it made a glass fall over. He mumbled slurred obscenities, and clumsily pointed at the tray of empty glasses.
“More.”
Mercifully, Nicky seemed to have lost all interest in Neil during Kevin’s return.
The latter of whom decided standing was apparently too risky in his current state, plopped into the booth. From the looks of him, he seemed to have made the right call. Kevin eyed the full shot glasses in front of Andrew’s spot. They seemed to do for the time being, and Kevin sat across from Neil and Nicky before quickly downing them.
Nicky thankfully returned to his original spot to try and talk to Kevin.
Neil remained closer to the wall, at least grateful for the new distance between himself and Nicky.
But, apparently, Kevin was only a temporary distraction from what Nicky really wanted, after a few minutes of drunken blabbering, Nicky was back to facing Neil with the same twisted smile plastered on his face.
Neil kept himself squished with his back to the wall and one leg partially on the seat, feeling safer if he could see Nicky straight on and knowing he could use his legs if a situation arose where they were necessary.
Nicky shifted himself closer again and Neil tensed, turning his head to avoid Nicky's kiss and barely snagging Nicky's hand away before it reached his groin, the other was already digging nails into Neil’s thigh, slowly pawing upward. Neil could hear his own voice in his ears ringing with the words he knew meant stop stop stop stop no no no NO NO
Nicky didn't seem to care. It took too many seconds for Neil to unhook his leg from where it was pinned between their bodies and kick him out of the booth entirely. Neil scrambled under the table, past Kevin.
He got a glance at Kevin's shocked, wide eyes before Neil was heading hoping to find Andrew. He was nearly there before Nicky caught up with him, grabbing his arm in a vice and repeating a slurred apology.
“Come on! I was just一 look don't tell Andrew okay? Please don't tell Andrew一 you can't seriously blame me can you? Neil, have you seen yourself? I can't help it when I'm around you, no one could! Please!”
He was grabbing at Neil now, his clothes, his arms, his torso, pulling him toward the wall just left of the doors.
“I just want you so bad you know? Come on, you didn't have a problem with it last time,” Then he was pinning Neil against the wall, “Don't you want this? You feel so good Neil, every piece of you.”
Nicky’s hips pushed against Neil’s, completely trapping him, but all Neil could feel was Lola.
Neil’s mind shorted, and he was back in the trunk.
When had Lola gotten to Eden’s? How’d she find him? If she was here, where was Nathan? Where was Romero? Where was Andrew? Had they found him? Her hands groped his chest and between his legs, her teeth ripped into the soft flesh of his neck and cheeks. Neil thrashed against the hands, bucking, kicking, nothing deterred her.
All he could hear was ringing in his ears, and all he could feel were the burning trails and marks left to scorch his skin.
Only for a moment something hard pressed into his thigh, Neil jolted. He froze.
Neil’s eyes widened and he remembered just where he was, what was happening.
Nicky.
Neil twisted and he felt his fingernails rake into Nicky’s arms and face. He could still hear himself pleading with Nicky to stop, he was still trying to fight out of his grip even as Nicky's hands and mouth devoured him.
Nicky was drunk, but he was still bigger, and Neil was trying to fight off his own mind. His current state was not the disadvantage he was hoping for. Everyone else was either too drunk or too busy to pay any attention, Neil could feel himself sinking, he just wanted everything to stop.
It seemed like an eternity before Nicky was ripped away.