Chapter Text
At one point, I realise that I can't fight my way out of everything. And that includes falling in love with Kinn.
As I ride the taxi I hailed, I clenched the phone on my hand, where a part of me is waiting, waiting for Kinn to give me a call, to explain how everything is a misunderstanding.. as seconds pass, as my distance from him grew farther, I can feel my heart breaking into pieces.
Heaving a sob, I pressed my knuckles to my eyes. I don't know what did I expect. Kinn has been a playboy, and of course, he will come back to his ways soon. And I am the stupid one to fall for him.
But why did he do those things? Why did he make me feel like.. he cared about me? And then just throw back my feelings to my face?
A chuckle slips from my mouth. How can he fall in love with me? I am far from his type, I've been warned by Pete about this. And stubborn as I am, I didn't listen.
Because he made me feel things. He changed me, the me who thought that I will only care about Ché. He gave me courage, to open my heart and accept my feelings for him. Only for the said feelings be thrown back to my face.
I would've probably accept if he let me down. Regardless if roughly, or gently, just tell me that he doesn't feel the same, maybe the pain I feel wouldn't be as much as what I feel right now. But no, he prefer the most cruel way.
Kinn.. Just what have you done to me?
My phone suddenly ring, and without meaning to, my heart skipped a beat.
Kinn..?
'Vegas is calling'
A sob escaped, and the tears started to fall down from my face. All the frustration, the hurt that I've been feeling since Kinn gave me a cold shoulder have finally crashed on me.
"Nong.. Are you okay?" I heard the driver asked. Pathetic, I thought. "Here I have some tissues here.." I looked up as he passed me some tissues, carefully wiping my face.
"Thank yo--Phi! Watch out!" As he was looking at me, he didn't see the truck that seems to be out of control and was heading towards us. I grabbed the back of the passenger's seat, as the driver tried to turn the taxi away from the truck to no avail.
Pain just blossomed all over my body, as I felt the taxi roll over and over. I opened my eyes, the driver in front of me seems to be unconscious, and I am starting to lose my breath as well, is this it? I thought.
Ché.. I'm sorry..
And everything was black.
-
"A car crash happened at the intersection today where a truck and a taxi collided. One of the victim has died on the scene, while the other died on the way to the hospital. The other victim is still under observation. Police said that the truck has lost control and sub--" click.
I turned off the tv, as I held my phone. Porsche has left hours ago, I sent him a message via Line and he hasn't replied yet.
I rubbed my hands to my face, as I recall what happened earlier. In my desire to figure out my feelings with Porsche, I decided to see Marsh just to see if I will feel different. And I did.
Marsh was kissing me, but in my eyes, all I can see was Porsche. I was holding his waist, but my hand was longing for Porsche, wishing that it wasn't Marsh soft body that was against me, but the planes of Porsche's well-built body. I opened my eyes to look at Marsh and find myself wishing that it was Porsche's expressive eyes that was looking back at me.
And I got my wish.
I turned around to see Porsche standing behind us.
Heartbroken.
I push Marsh from my lap, and stood up.
A tear fell down from Porsche's eyes, and I felt coldness swept all over my body.
I did that. I made Porsche cry.
A loud bang interrupted my thoughts, and found that Porsche has already walked away from the room. I took a step towards him but a pair of arms held me back. I looked at Marsh who was staring at me with his doe eyes. I shook him off, and fix my clothes. "Leave." I said gesturing him towards the door.
"B-but.."
"I said, leave!" A wave of fear took over his face as he scrambled to do as I say.
Releasing a sigh as I sat on the couch, I stare at the ceiling. All of this.. was my fault. I entered a relationship with Porsche without me closing Tawan's chapter in my life. I chuckled bitterly, I remember that after meeting Tawan for the first time again, I thought that I want to clear this confusion before Porsche or I could be hurt. And yet..
The memory of Porsche shedding a tear appeared on my mind.
I hurt him.
I groaned loudly, and shook my head. Opening my phone, I sent Porsche another message.
'Porsche! Where the hell are you?'
Should I give him some time? Some space? But if I don't clear this up right now, I feel like I would lose him. "What the fuck, Anakinn?" I said to myself. "What the fuck is wrong with you."
The incident with Marsh earlier had cleared all the doubts in my head. If seeing Porsche crying had caused a sudden pain in my chest, it only meant one thing right? I walked towards my desk where Porsche found the phone that held Tawan's memories. Taking it along with the other mementos, I walk towards the trashcan, and dumped it there. I have no need for it.
For this time, I will let go of Tawan, and hold Porsche close to me.
As I should. As I should have.
I stare at the trashbin, a sigh leaving my mouth. This is it.
I turned around, and walked towards the door. Biting my lip, I frowned. Should I follow Porsche out? But if I did, where should I go? Where exactly is he?
I opened my door, and looked around. "Arm!"
"Boss." The man turned around to face him.
"Where's Porsche?" Arm scratched his head, as I frown at him, irritated.
"He left earlier, boss. He didn't say where."
"What the fuck," I muttered. Staring at my phone, willing Porsche to at least reply to me.
"Ah.. boss, if it help, he rode a taxi. I have to go, cus boss Khun actually want me to run an errand."
I wave him away, as I opened my phone again to send Porsche a message.
'Are you leaving because of what happened?'
Unable to wait any further, I called him.
'The number you dialed is currently out of service. Please--' Shit. Did he turn off his phone? I shook my head. He wouldn't.. He always want to be on call, especially in case Ché needed him.
Ché.. Kim!
I dialed my brother's number, and a couple of rings later, he answered. "What?"
"Is Ché with you? Can you ask him about Porsche?"
"He said that Porsche hadn't contacted him, the last time that they talk was two days ago when he took some clothes." I can hear the bafflement from Kim's voice. "Why is there something wrong?"
"Nothing, it's just that he left and he's not answering calls."
"Ah, wait a second. Ché will call him." A few moments later, "Ché's calling Tem, and Jom to see if he went to see them."
I nervously bit my lip, as I wait on the other line. "Ché calm down," came Kim's voice. "I'm sure that your brother probably went for air. I mean he's stuck with Kinn, he probably do that everyday."
'You don't understand,' Ché's voice seems to be trembling. 'He is never uncontactable. Not like this! He hates it if he can't call me, so I'm sure that he wouldn't do this! Kim.. I'm scared! Something must've happened!'
Fear suddenly took over my body, making my brain froze. I gulp. No, it couldn't be right? I started walking and bumped to Khun who's smile froze after seeing me.
"Kinn, are you okay? You look pale." He then grabbed the phone from my hand. "Who's this?" He asked aggressively. If.. Something happened to Porsche.. My knees buckled, unable to support my weight. No.. He's strong.. My firecracker.. He.. I gulped a much needed air. Is it just me or is it getting hard to breathe? Porsche.. Where's Porsche? I stood up, clutching the hems of Khun's shirt.
"Porsche.. I need to find Porsche." Before I could even move, I felt arms around me. "Let me go! I need to find Porsche!"
Khun grabbed my face, and I turned my angry eyes at him. "Kinn, Kinn, listen. You're in no state of finding Porsche. I already sent the men out to search for him, Kim will also be looking for him. You should sta--"
"No!" I struggled against the hold of Khun's men. "I have to find him myself!"
"No!" Khun shouted. "I said you can't! You might get into accident, and what would I tell Phor? Let those who are capable of searching for Porsche, look for him. Okay?"
I slipped from his hold. If.. If something happened to Porsche.. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. To.. to think that I won't be able to tell him what I feel, or that my last memory of his face was him crying. Or that the last thing he will think of is me kissing someone else.
"Boss!" One of the men ran towards us. "There was.." He panted. "There was an accident at the main road earlier!" I felt coldness surged throughout my body. "They said that a truck and a taxi run into each other! Two people were dead!"
"Where.." I muttered. "Was Porsche there?" I grabbed his collar. "Answer me!" I shook him, eyes wild. I can feel arms around me again, "Was Porsche there?!"
"B-Bos-" I tightened my grip. "He was, sir! That was the taxi that he took earlier!"
I can feel my hands shook, and let go of the guard. No.. Porsche..
Porsche was gone.
And five years has passed.
-
end of Chapter One.