Chapter Text
Something was going on.
At this point, I wasn’t sure what exactly, but they were up to something and I was sure I’d be caught up in the middle of it soon enough.
It’s dark when I eventually join the Gathering - Most of the Keepers have been in there for a while now. I was supposed to be in there a while ago too but truth be told, I’d been putting it off. If Alby asked, I was just going to blame Paul or something but he didn’t, just motioned for me to take a seat instead. He’d wanted me to be part of this discussion so maybe he’s just glad that I actually turned up. Gotta hand it to him, he always seems to value my opinion. Minho and a few other keepers shoot me welcoming grins before going back to their debate in hushed voices.
Looking round the room, I find it hard to believe I’ve been in this box for nine whole months. Doesn’t feel that long, but then at the same time, it feels like I’ve lived here my entire life. Of course, that would have something to do with the fact I can’t remember ever being anywhere else. Probably.
It’s not like this is the worst place in the world right? Although, I’m not the best person to answer that at the moment. That’s how I felt before, so I suppose I should stick to that for now. All things considered, and recent traumatic experiences aside, this place isn’t so bad.
I can’t help but feel a little bitter about the whole thing though. Maybe angry is a better word for it. Cheated. Scared is another one. The whole debacle really left me at a loss at what to do with myself. But then, no one else has ever been chased down by a shuck Griever and nearly gotten themselves locked inside the maze before so there isn’t exactly a precedent for this sorta thing. I’m one of the lucky ones, I know that; even if I don’t feel so lucky. A lot of shanks better than I am have gotten stuck behind those walls so the fact that I’m still here means a lot.
At least no one objected when I made the decision not to be a runner anymore. Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly maybe, I think they were relieved. Another part of me thinks that they would have stopped me themselves if I hadn’t come to that conclusion on my own. Even the mere thought of going into the maze fills me with dread now. I just can’t face it.
It sucks though. I can’t help but feel like I’m letting everyone down by not going back in there. Minho keeps telling me that I’m not and how much I help everyone just by being here but - I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve got this itching to run again now that my leg is better and I feel restless all the time, completely out of sorts with the lack of routine and structure but I can’t run anymore so I suppose there’s no point in thinking about it.
It’s stupid - I keep running through section 6 in my head, out of habit I suppose - ‘cause I’d be there if it wasn’t for all this mess. I know exactly where the other runners would be when they stop for lunch, how many left turns they’d have taken to get there, how many crossroads they’d have passed. I guess it’s just going to take some time. That’s what Jamal keeps saying anyway.
Watching the Keepers debate around the room as though I’m not even there makes me feel equal parts touched and annoyed. Lately, the boys been so overbearing I’ve wanted to thump them. They’ve only just stopped treating me like a ticking bomb for the most part though so I’ve decided to call it progress. I have to keep reminding myself it’s because they care about me. Any luck, once I have a proper job again, things will get better.
“She can’t be a Med-Jack Fry, have you forgotten about what happened on her trial?”
“So what? Who hasn’t set fire to something at one point or another?”
I roll my eyes in good humor, smirking at Frypan. When were they going to let that one go? It could have happened to anyone.
“Look there’s no point in arguing Clint, she can’t ‘cause of the blood anyway.”
“Oh yeah. That’s a no for the Slicers then too.”
“What if she just looks after the animals and doesn’t do the slicing bit?”
Winston sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “She can’t have her cake and eat it - we’ve been over this. She can’t do half a job. She won’t want to do half a job anyway y’know how she is.”
“What about being a Cook then?”
A collective hush washes over the room. “That could work.”
“Ebony ?”
I’m caught off guard when Gally addresses me, diverting everyone’s attention my way. It’s just lucky I was paying attention to this bit.
It takes a moment of gaping like a slinthead before I catch up. Scratching at the back on my neck I manage to make my point. “I can do it yeah. It’s just a bit - no offence Fry - I just - standing round all day peeling veggies? I don’t know if I can stay still for long enough. Pretty sure I’d be jacking up within a month.”
Humming thoughtfully Newt nods along with my words, brow furrowed in concentration.
Frypan snorts a little, flashing his teeth in my direction. “Don’t worry about it shank. You were rubbish at it anyway.”
Chuckling at that, I grin a little at my feet before shrugging. “I don’t know guys. Can’t I just pick up the slack here and there? Maybe I don’t have to pick just one job.”
I catch Alby rolling his eyes. Most of the keepers sat around the room groan in frustration like they’ve been over this already. Which, to be fair, they have but I’m just stubborn. Gally shakes his head at me, eyebrows raised while Minho on the other hand, is shaking with silent mirth, concentrating on the hole on the floor.
Zart speaks up in the end seeing as no one else seems to be volunteering anything constructive. “There’s an order for a reason Ebbs”
His tone is soft enough and I know he’s right really but I’m just so frustrated.If there was a way I could just run without having to go into the maze then I’d be sorted. That isn’t even remotely possible though, seeing as that’s the whole point of running. Obviously. A collection of nods and murmurs of agreement echo round the room and I can tell that’s that.
Sighing in defeat, I standing up from the stool. I really don’t see how I can help them decide, I have no idea what I should do. At least they’re not making me do the trials again. “Right-o. Well how about you all carry on talking it out and let me know? Whatever job you want me to do I’ll do it, just so long as I’m doing - something.” I shrug and while the grin I shoot them doesn’t quite catch my eyes, I’m more interested in being outside.
Ducking round the door quickly I already feel a bit better. Being indoors for any length of time really seems to get to me lately. That might have something to do with the Maze of course. It also might have something to do with the amount of time Clint has kept me in the Medjacks hut since then too. He went a little overboard in my opinion but I’m not the best patient.
Scanning round the clearing, I figure most of the gladers are in Homestead. I spot the new boy sitting outside on the crates with Ben and Dave. He’s our resident Greenie - At least for a few more weeks anyway. He seems nice enough from what I’ve heard, but I’m not really supposed to talk to him for the first few weeks. Alby’s idea. I’ve never really given it much thought ‘cause being a runner doesn’t give you a lot of free time but I suppose it makes sense. Being the only girl does makes me stick out and we’ve got to make sure he’s not completely whacked or something. Better safe than sorry I guess.
That’s one good thing about being in the glade more often, I’ve gotten to know the shanks that live here better. I find it kinda fascinating how there’s so many different personalities stuck in one place and that it just sorta works y’know? Obviously it’s not always smooth sailing, but for the most part it’s alright.
I decide to head down to the bonfire in the end seeing as it’s deserted. The fire is almost out so I stick some more firewood in and fan it ‘till it catches on and the heat comes through a little stronger. Plonking myself down on the floor I lean against one of the big logs. I’m forever getting caught up in the sky, especially at night; dotted with stars that never seem to move and no moon in sight. It makes me wonder where on earth we could be.
I wonder about a lot of things actually. We all do I know that, but no one ever has any answers. Maybe we’ll get them one day.
Who am I? Do the stars look the same outside of these walls? What are we here for? Why am I the only girl here? What is WICKED? I wonder what happened to my parents? Why haven’t we been sent a goat? Do I have parents? Who am I? I wonder if Sam didn’t come back 'cause he’d found the way out. What does cheese taste like?
I loose track of time sitting there, watching the flames dance in front of my eyes. My head gets heavier and heavier and while I find it hard to stay awake. In my defense, I haven’t been sleeping much lately.
The next thing I notice is being shaken gently by someone calling my name. I jerk bolt upright and collide heads with someone, recoiling backwards, clutching my head.
Squinting in the dim light, I catch sight of the boy mirroring me. “Sorry.”
“Sorry love. Didn’t mean to scare you.” Newt grins sheepishly, taking a seat above me on the log. I chuckle looking up at him and wave him off so he knows it’s not a big deal.
Yawning, I look around to see the rest of the keepers trudging off in the direction of their usual sleeping places. “Decided my fate?” I add, trying to keep the bitter down. Its not like it’s his fault, or the other Keepers for that matter.
“Sure have. You’re with me and the track-hoes.” Track-hoes. I mull the thought over in my mind a little. That doesn’t sound so bad. I wasn’t awful at it back when I was a Greenie either. It’s physically challenging too - I hope it’s enough. He doesn’t say anything else for a little while, it’s nice to just sit sometimes. I’m too tired to think of much to say anyway.
“Good that.”
Newt nods slowly, hauling himself upright. “You should probably get some proper sleep though Ebby, you’ll need it for tomorrow. Trust me.” He adds, holding his hand out to pull me to my feet. I figure he knows what he’s talking about seeing as more often than not he’s working in the field himself.
“Good that, Newt.”
He makes a point of walking me to my little patch of grass. Something I’m rather grateful for. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been offered a room in homestead but I just can’t do it. It’s easier to relax out in the open. I’d tried it at first but in the end I asked Gally if he could make me a hammock and claimed a little area as my own.
“I’ll see you tomorrow love.”
“Yeah, night Newt.”
“Goodnight.”
Even though it still takes me a while to fall asleep, I feel a little lighter. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.