Chapter Text
I have one more truth for you: the world is dangerous.
The world is always ready to eat you alive when you fall one step behind, it surrounds you before you can even notice. That’s why you need something to push you forward, something that can pull you out of the void.
It’s great if it’s a person the one who does it because the knowledge that someone is there makes everything easier. You will have an anchor that won’t let your hand go, you won’t fight alone.
But it’s not that easy because you have to rely completely on one person. Then, what happens if you are betrayed? You let the other have the power to hold you or to let you fall, it’s not your choice anymore.
Is hard to find someone reliable enough.
Minho is not aware, but he has found someone. Seungmin is the one with the power, Seungmin is the one holding him in place with a gentle touch. The younger is never trying to push him forward, but neither is he trying to make him fail, he’s only there.
That’s what Minho needs, someone helping until he is strong enough to keep going by himself. Minho has found the dynamic that works for him without asking, and that’s why he’s not aware of it.
Seungmin has already been there since the beginning, but it’s about to become more obvious. Seungmin doesn’t speak about it either, but he’s always present even when words fail to deliver.
Is Minho ready to understand it?
∞
It’s nighttime.
An open window and a boy sprawled across the bed. The night breeze enters the room and reaches for the boy’s hair, gentle hands slowly dancing with it while his skin almost glows under the moonlight. Shadows also reach for his sharp features while he has his eyes shut, trying to hide under his skin when he’s not looking.
“Will you go to the party?”
A sweet voice invades the space, pushing the silence against the will with easiness. It comes through the phone that’s resting near Minho’s head, the low brightness of the screen resembling the moonlight even though it’s actually a video call, but the other’s room seems to be as dark as Minho’s.
The screen is facing the ceiling on Minho’s room while it shows Seungmin’s head resting against a pillow, tiredness written all over his face even though he seems to ignore it. Why isn’t Minho looking at the screen? He was for a while, a long while, but he grew tired of it.
What stopped him from finishing the call? Seungmin, or… should he say himself?
It wasn’t the younger’s fault because he didn’t manage to speak the will to go, he couldn’t when Seungmin’s eyes were holding hundreds of stars while explaining everything and anything to him. That’s how he ended up in his current position, the other only seeing the ceiling but never complaining or addressing it.
“What makes you think I will?” Minho replies to the air in a tender tone without moving an inch, almost as if he’s scared to break the silence.
“It’s the graduation part, so you should go.” Seungmin softly states, but his words are only acknowledged by a humming noise. “You know it’s technically for you, right?”
Oh, yes. Minho is graduating next week.
“It’s not for me.” it’s all Minho says.
“Min, you are graduating. A graduation party is for everyone that’s graduating. I mean, that’s the whole point.” Seungmin replies calmly, the hint of a smile in his tone after the nickname that’s no longer used to bother the older.
They have grown attached to it.
“No one wants me there.” Minho’s words are followed by a long sigh, the younger’s insistence starting to bother him for unspecific reasons.
It’s no secret that Minho’s classmates aren’t fond of him even though they don’t really have a reason to not like him, and that pisses Seungmin off a lot more than what he can say. Sure, Minho is cold, serious and the lack of smiles doesn’t make him the most approachable person, but Seungmin knows he hasn’t done anything to earn the scared and disgusted looks they throw at him.
Seungmin frowns, obviously he has never approved the people that judge the older with nothing to back up their thoughts, but he has never said anything because Minho never seemed to pay attention to them.
Was he wrong?
Maybe the older was more fragile than what he thought, or is he reading too much between lines? Is he really imagining the bitter tone of Minho’s words?
It’s hard to tell.
“I don’t give a fuck about the others.” Seungmin’s tone is harsh when it crashes onto Minho’s room, and that’s enough to know that he’s upset. “I want you there.”
It’s not that easy to drag that emotion out of the younger’s body, Seungmin has been always the calm one. But it’s for Minho, and he shows so much more than his usual quiet self around him.
For Minho, it’s refreshing to know that someone listens, that someone is there when he cries for help without even knowing. He opens his eyes and finds the ceiling with a soft gaze, a gaze that was meant to be for Seungmin.
“Are you listening to me? Lee Minho, I want you there.”
It’s the reaffirmation that makes Minho shift, so now he can see the phone screen, and he can’t be more grateful when he’s met with Seungmin’s wide smile and sparkly eyes. Maybe it’s all he needs because he says nothing, he just stares at the other like he’s afraid to blink and lose him.
Maybe he is.
“Okay, I will go. You will be there, right?” Minho finally asks, the hopeful look in his eyes doing something to his friend’s heart.
“Of course, who do you take me for?” Seungmin laughs softly at the silliness of the elder’s question.
Then, it’s really now the time to acknowledge that Seungmin is Minho’s star? A bright star that has taken to heart the mission to guide him through his life. Maybe it’s too soon, but it’s all implied in the way Minho smiles shyly before disappearing from the screen, finding his comfortable position again.
Silence falls between them, slowly regaining his space in their rooms in the form of comfort for all that has been said. That leaves Minho with quiet thoughts as Seungmin starts humming to fill the silent exchange of words, the sound is almost like a lullaby because the elder’s brain revolves around the sound as soon as it starts.
The precious star has the power to calm Minho, but something feels overwhelming when the peaceful melody takes a step back to welcome Minho’s loud heartbeat until it’s all he can hear.
It threatens his stability when he has nothing to grab, inevitably falling onto the spiral of memories. It pushes him over the edge when it suddenly stops on that one, the most dangerous one.
Christmas.
The day he received a precious gift. The day he felt the need to rip his heart off his chest because it was hurting beyond bearable. He still remembers the boiling blood under the skin, too warm and too painful. He still remembers how badly it hurt while his head spins, trapped under closed eyelids.
It still hurts, the pain is there when his heart beats strongly one more time, and then his breath hitches because he knows what comes after all that.
Christmas was the day he realized that losing a certain someone would be…
STOP.
He quietly yells, grounding himself with the sheets trapped on his fists while nails try to dig onto his skin. He can’t go through that again, too painful for him to suffer it all over again, even though the urge to hold onto it slowly untangles his fingers from where they are almost ripping the sheets apart.
No way, he can’t do this. Not right away.
Work smarter, not harder. That’s what people say, but Minho doesn’t seem to apply it because a rustling sound stops Seungmin’s melody when he reaches for the notebook that’s resting on his bedside table.
The younger doesn’t have to think too much about what’s happening because writing sounds come through the phone a few seconds after. His confused frown melts in an instant because that’s all he needs to understand.
It’s now time for Seungmin to feel overwhelmed because it’s just then when he has the sureness that Minho is using the notebook, he wasn’t aware before because the older never said anything about it, and he never asked.
Seungmin feels his ears heating up and his heartbeat increasing, the precious sensation of being enough lingering in his chest. That’s why he closes his eyes, appreciating his emotions while Minho keeps writing whatever he needs, Seungmin would never interrupt him.
No words but neither of them finishes the call because the comfort of knowing the other is still there more than enough, and that’s why Seungmin doesn’t fight the urge to sleep when the paper sounds lull him into dreamland nor does he end the call.
The dark develops further when the night turns deep, but Minho doesn’t stop until he does, letting the silence creep into the room from behind the shadows. It’s not until then that he notices how he has been writing for too long and, even though he needed it, he feels a little guilty for forgetting Seungmin was there.
Minho sighs because there’s nothing he can do right now, the younger is sure long gone. He puts the notebook down on the bedside table before reaching for his phone, and it’s just then that he notices the screen is not as dark as he thought. The sight of a peaceful Seungmin, dark eyelashes hovering above soft cheeks, and the sound of light breath…
Yeah, it makes something to his heart.
The younger is fast asleep. Just a glance and Minho’s thoughts are already revolving around how cute the younger is, the seconds passing before he tries to suppress his thoughts because all they bring is cute, cute, cute. But there’s no way he can lie to himself because the sight of a sleeping Seungmin is absolutely adorable, so soft.
His heart beats faster, but it’s not because of that, at least not just because of that. The reason behind his fond smile is the way the younger has been there all the time, the way he didn’t hang up even though he was falling asleep.
This is it. The reason is just Seungmin.
Minho stares, for way longer than what he’s willing to admit, but the call is eventually finished by a slightly trembling hand. The screen turning black that same seconds to show a very interesting thing.
Seungmin
call ended 4h 25 min
Yep, that just happened.
They started talking around 11 pm, Minho has maybe been writing for around twenty minutes so… yeah, that happened.
It doesn’t seem to bother Minho though because he just blocks his phone after setting the alarm, it’s Monday tomorrow or well, today, so he has classes, and so does Seungmin. Minho knows it will be hell to wake up, but he won’t regret it a single bit.
He wouldn’t change this night, ever.
It’s a thought that lingers in his mind even when he closes his eyes, and it accompanies him to dreamland when he falls asleep before the clock can even add one more minute to the night.
Maybe his dreams are full of a certain boy, but the universe makes sure to erase his memories before letting him wake up. It’s probably for the best because Minho would have panicked, and the grumpy Minho that woke up wouldn’t have been able to deal with it.
∞
Graduation day.
Not that special if you ask anyone around the campus because it’s not really graduation day, at least not for the students aspiring to a university degree, but it is for the ones that aren’t. It is for students like Minho, students that only want a certificate in order to be able to work where they want, students that don’t have the will to go through the stress the university supposes.
It’s just the way it is, nobody complains, and Minho is not the one that will start doing it. He is more than happy to know that will be a private graduation, just him and his classmates.
Well, that’s not really correct. It isn’t a private graduation, but no one is able to come because everyone in the university is a week away from the end of the year (and the real graduation), and that means everyone is really busy with their last classes and projects. There’s no way they will risk failing the year just because some random graduation is taking place.
Maybe it’s a little bit infuriating, is as much graduation as the other one, but it’s okay. It’s pretty special to Minho because it’s the transition to make him a little happier, but he’s okay with being alone through it.
Seungmin? Of course, he is willing to go, but he has his last class today, and it’s a really important one since the professor will be explaining how to finish the project that the younger has been doing for months. The project is due next week, he can’t skip classes.
Minho knows all that because the younger just told him, the sad expression still plastered in the face of the boy across from him. Yeah, he’s with Seungmin right now, a finished coffee in front of him.
He still has a few hours before graduation. He could have been at home but the younger insisted on seeing each other, and Minho complied only because a free coffee was set in the game.
“It’s okay.” Minho repeats for the fifth time that day.
“I didn’t say anything.” Seungmin whines, covering his pout with a sip from his coffee. It’s true, he said nothing.
“You don’t need to. The apologies are written all over your ugly face.” Minho retorts pointedly, a smirk holding the right corner of his mouth when Seungmin looks at him with wide puppy eyes before sticking out his tongue. “Gross.”
The younger only laughs at that, and Minho is quite proud for being able to put a smile on Seungmin’s face, tired of looking at the regret in his eyes just because he can’t go to the graduation. It’s not really that important, it’s enough knowing that he would come if he could.
“Shut up.” Seungmin says when the laughter dies, but he’s still wearing his pretty smile. “At least promise something to me.”
Minho looks at him, slightly confused at why is that question coming right now, but he still hums in acknowledgment to let the younger continue with whatever his little mind is plotting.
“Promise that you will have dinner with me.”
“Okay.”
“No, you have to promise me.”
Why in hell is Seungmin that eager on making him promise? It’s just a dinner, nothing that important, and Minho has already agreed on doing it, why the need to promise? He looks over the younger, silently judging him before deciding it will cause no harm to comply.
“I promise.” Minho says, being recompensed with millions of stars hiding in the other’s eyes as they close with a wide smile. It is worth it. “What hour did you say your class started?”
“Shit.” Seungmin jumps on his feet after checking the clock, and Minho’s eyes follow him at the realization that he will be late. “See you later!”
The younger disappears in a second and Minho shocks his head before getting up, not much to do until the designated hour so he just decides to take a walk around. Earphones help the music to get into Minho’s system until he is tired of wandering around the campus.
Sadly, he has nothing to do. The only way to entertain himself on the library, so he heads there and picks a book before finding himself a comfortable spot where he can read in peace. Eventually, he dozes off.
Not just that, he falls into a thin sleep with his head resting against his right arm, the book still opened on his left. It’s good that he has an alarm to wake him up because he would have missed his graduation.
Minho is just standing there while waiting for his turn, bored eyes wanting to close themselves while he isolates the repetitive sound of fake words directed towards every student that walks forward at the tame the name is called. All this ceremony is painfully slow, and he sighs one more time.
Nobody cares about that graduation, or that’s what Minho is convinced of, but it’s done properly as if it’s not the truth. It’s probably because of the audience, parents that don’t have work, a few brothers and sisters, and friends that either don’t care about skipping classes either have already finished the year.
There are a lot of students and only a bunch of audience so it’s kind of quiet because the cheers are not for everyone, not everyone is lucky enough to have someone watching every step they take and there’s no one there that would gladly clap for the strangers.
It’s kind of cruel if you ask Minho.
It’s not that he wants forced claps and cheers, but it must be painful for those that want some kind of support but have none. Minho doesn’t care, or maybe he does, but it’s called empathy and nothing more.
Minho steps in reality once more, noticing straight away how he is only two people away from happiness, only two more people before he can lose himself in his thoughts without the fear of missing his name. He can almost taste his future and the freedom.
The clock moves just as the girl in front of him is finishing with the ceremony, and Minho’s excitement is tired of just running through his veins because he seems about to explode if he has to stay still one more second.
The end is so close even if he knows he’s still far from his actual dream, even if he knows a lot of people never find a job related to their studies, but he has achieved a lot. He’s proud of that because he has achieved it by himself.
It’s now easy to look back to the days where his family still had the handle of his studies, to the days were all he could do was obey because rebellion only made things worse. His family never approved of his dreams, they were against every single one of them, and that’s why he is still studying despite being older than the usual.
His parents had been calling him, always trying to make him give up, but Minho is just as stubborn as them, he never listened even when he actually wanted to do it. He’s proud of that too, even happy as now his parents will have no reason to hunt him. He’s happy even if he knows they will find something else to torment him with because that doesn’t matter, not now.
Minho looks at how the girl goes away between cheers, two boys and a girl around his age (probably his friends) wearing smiles while clapping for her. It’s nice to have someone looking after you, to have someone there as you take that important step.
Just as the thought crosses his mind, he catches a glimpse of someone running through the hallway. He is already staring at the door when that same someone opens it slowly, quietly entering and taking a seat towards the end.
Maybe that someone thinks he’s sneaky, but he really isn’t because Minho has already seen him even if the others don’t seem to acknowledge the new presence.
Minho stares and… Oh.
Fuck.
What is he doing there? He shouldn’t be there, he has an important class, he can’t be there. Then, why the fuck is Kim Seungmin there?
“Lee Minho.”
His name abandons the professor's lips, but he can’t seem to comprehend as all he can do is stare at that person. It’s easy to see Seungmin’s disheveled hair while he’s busy shoving something into his backpack, it’s easy to see how his chest raises at the search of air after the run, it’s so easy to…
Seungmin looks up and Minho doesn’t know if he should be embarrassed because he has been caught staring or because they lock eyes that same moment. Seungmin smiles shyly. Oh God, Minho feels his face heating as his ears turn red, but he can’t look away.
“Lee Minho.”
Finally, as the voice speaks louder, Minho is violently brought back to reality, and all he can do is blink twice before walking towards the professor. His legs almost shaking as he composes himself, but he can’t seem to concentrate on what’s happening until a flash blinds him.
He shakes his professor's hand almost robotically before listening to all those insignificant words, but all he can see is how Seungmin is staring at him before pulling his phone out. The younger snaps some pictures.
It all finishes way too quickly for the dumbfounded Minho, it’s already time for him to take a step back in order for the ceremony to continue. He does it, he turns around and walks back in line.
One step, silence. He lifts his foot again, placing it in front of him, but it feels as if he has stepped on the silence because now solitary claps are echoing in the room. There’s no need for him to look back, he knows too well who is the one cheering for him and why his ears are burning once again.
Minho smiles widely, there’s no way for him to keep the smile away from his face one more second. The silence falls again before he faces the audience, but he’s grateful for that because he’s too overwhelmed already, he can’t really take a hold of his emotions as he locks eyes with Seungmin.
Seungmin knows because his eyes crinkle with a sincere smile just before he stands up, a silent apology in the way he waves goodbye before exiting the room quietly, but Minho sees him run once he is in the hallway.
Something warm surrounds his heart and he can’t really think about something else while the ceremony resumes, but neither he can when it finishes nor when he walks home. He doesn’t know what happened after Seungmin appeared.
Actually, his world still spins around Kim Seungmin when he throws himself into the bed with a groan. The boy seems comfortable occupying the entirety of Minho’s mind and, when neither a shower nor the TV help with that, Minho muffles a scream into his pillow.
“KIM SEUNGMIN.”
“I will kill you!”
That’s Minho screaming a threat as soon as Seungmin meets him for dinner, that’s Minho killing the younger with his eyes when he dissolves into giggles, and that’s Minho running after Seungmin when the last tries to escape the torture that Minho is sure plotting.
“I w-will… kill y-you…”
That’s also Minho, trying to speak between laughs after the younger has tripped him into the ground to start a battle of tickles that he’s sure winning. That’s also Minho when he manages to pull Seungmin off, hard breath trying to steady while the younger does the same near him.
“You wish.”
That’s not Minho. That’s Seungmin, sparkling eyes and playful smile while he extends his hand for Minho to take. Minho accepts the warmth until he’s on his feet, only then hitting the younger on the shoulder with an annoyed expression that can’t really do much when his eyes are giving him away.
Minho is just an open book for Seungmin to read.
∞
It’s the day of the party.
Why are they going to a party when none of them liked them? Minho wants to know too. Well, Seungmin insisted on it, and Minho just followed. He isn’t exactly sure why the younger wants to go, but it never crossed his mind to ask about it even if he came to know that Seungmin didn’t really like parties because the younger seemed excited about this one.
Speaking of Seungmin…
Seungmin
MIN
MIN
MIN
What will you wear to the party?
Oh yes, Seungmin has sent around thirty messages in the span of an hour, every time spamming with Minho’s nickname before letting him know about the real reason for his messages.
The younger is too fucking excited, Minho is actually grateful Seungmin is not in front of him because he’s already struggling to cope with it through the phone. Minho almost wishes to go back in time so he can take his words back, he doesn’t want to go to the party.
It’s too late, he can’t really back away now because there’s no way he will be the one breaking the excitement of his friend.
Absolutely not, that’s not happening.
Me
Are you serious?
Seungmin
.
..
...
Me
Fine
I will send you a photo later
Seungmin
Later?!
Lee Minho!
I will hit you if you are late
Minho lets out a loud sigh, Seungmin is getting on his nerves. They agreed to meet at the party in about two hours, Minho has way more time than needed to prepare himself, and that’s why he lefts Seungmin on read before walking to the shower.
He takes his time because he needs to be sure about going to the party, there’s no way he can suffer a long night surrounded by people if he isn’t, and he isn’t. But maybe he will never be ready to attend that party, at least not more than what he is now.
Still, he tries.
Water washing away his worries, drowning his body bit by bit before letting shivers run down his spine. His body is calling for something, something that his brain seems eager to give even though it’s hard for Minho to hold it. It runs between his fingers just like water but…
The warmth against his skin almost burns when he finds the strength to hold onto that thought, the one that has been bothering him since that night.
Seungmin will be there.
Yeah, that works better than anything he can say to himself because maybe what works is the knowledge that he can go home any time, but that’s not really it. He can lie to himself as much as he wants, but his heart will always hold onto the truth.
On another hand, the water also helps with the thought that no one will be expecting him to stay because no one is expecting him to go in the first place, no one wants him there. That’s so close to the truth that he almost laughs out loud when it slips away. Maybe Seungmin wants him there, but he can’t deny he’s the only one.
The night is young, there are still surprises to unfold, but Minho prefers to prepare beforehand. It doesn’t really affect him that much beyond the fact that people stress him, but Seungmin understands him pretty well so he will be aware of that. Minho knows.
Dripping sounds slap him off from his thoughts, the water has stopped his fall thanks to the unconscious action of Minho’s hand, and that’s the signal to stop thinking because it will lead him nowhere. There’s not much more he can do besides choosing what to wear.
Well, it doesn’t stay that way for long. His mind randomly swaying away when his bed is full of clothes, most of them already discarded but two choices in mind. He likes them both because both can make him feel comfortable, how is he supposed to find the solution? Can he ask Seungmin?
Pause. Why is he thinking about that?
A frown appears while he shakes his head, erasing the younger from his thoughts before looking at the clothes again. It doesn’t do much because he drifts again into his friend, it seems inevitable to think about what Seungmin would like him to wear.
This time, realizing he can’t be free from his thoughts, he throws them under the bus that is: Seungmin is the one dragging him to the party, it seems just fair to try his best.
He finds enough pace with that so, after deliberating for a while, he’s ready.
Me
He regrets it as soon as he sends the photo, but it’s too late when he can’t even think about deleting it before the typing signal appears, Seungmin has already seen it. It makes him nervous how the typing signal appears and disappears for a while, he would be lying if he says otherwise.
Seungmin
You…
YOU
Spare some beauty
I need it too, you know?
For fucks sake, Seungmin is so dramatic.
Minho senses the anxiousness slipping away when his body welcomes the younger’s silliness. He laughs out loud because it’s too funny, he can picture the other’s face while typing all that, and it only makes him shock his head.
It’s silly, Seungmin is silly.
But that’s only what Minho thinks because he doesn’t need to know that Seungmin almost drops his phone at the sight of that particular photo, neither he needs to know the way Seungmin blushed while staring at his phone, and he surely doesn’t need to know the way Seungmin’s heart reacted to it.
Minho doesn’t need to know, and he never will if Seungmin can keep his sister from speaking because bloody hell, why does she always have to be there. She’s always near when Seungmin makes a fool of himself, and it’s always on him to run to his room before she manages to ask any questions.
Me
I’m sorry
you have to be born pretty
Seungmin
Sure…
I guess I was just a cute baby
Minho snorts because now he is being teased, Seungmin obviously remembers Christmas and the way the older was staring at his baby photos, but Seungmin was indeed a cute baby, there’s no point in denying that.
But neither can he deny is that Seungmin is still cute.
That’s what comes to Minho’s head before is replaced by another thought. Seungmin is also handsome. Maybe the younger doesn’t have sharp features but there’s something on him, something that throws him under the light for everybody to see.
Yeah, he’s pretty.
Me
Shut up
I’m still waiting
They never agreed on sharing photos. Well, Minho did, but Seungmin never said he was going to send one in return. Yet, Minho is waiting for it, asking as if he isn’t going to see the younger in about an hour.
There’s no surprise when Seungmin doesn’t miss a beat before sending what the older wants, but there’s shock when the photo is displayed on the phone.
Seungmin
Here you go
Oh god.
Seungmin dares to talk about Minho’s beauty when he’s as pretty under Minho’s eyes. Actually, Minho can’t stop staring at the photo because he has to mentally prepare himself for when Seungmin will be in front of him, there’s no way he would let his ears become red just as they are now.
It’s not only that, but he also justifies everything because he can’t accept reality. Seungmin is hot just as much as he can be cute, and that’s Minho’s death.
Yeah, that’s quite accurate.
It crosses his mind how the younger is probably popular in the university despite he has never seen him surrounded by girls or boys, at least not when he’s around. Is he the problem then? Maybe, probably.
Minho scares everyone away for one reason or another, Seungmin shouldn’t be near him when there’s someone that can see them. It should be better for him to not associate with Minho at all, but Minho is too selfish, he doesn’t want to renounce on the younger’s presence.
On the other hand, it’s taking him so long to reply. Minho shoves away his insecurities and starts typing a snarky response to hide the real reason behind his slow reply.
Me
Ugly
You were right
Bring back cute baby Seungmin
Seungmin
ha ha ha
So funny
Me
I know
See you later :)
Seungmin
Be ready
Running won’t save you this time
You better hide
Minho rolls his eyes at the silliness of his friend, but an amused smile can’t be stopped when he slips the phone in his pocket without replying and it’s still there when he looks at the mirror once again before leaving his house. The door closes behind him and he takes a deep breath, there’s no going back now.
Seungmin will be there, there’s nothing to worry about. Everything will be okay as long as he’s not left alone, and he knows that won’t happen.
Seungmin is always there for him.