Chapter Text
There’s a few things Tommy blames all his problems on.
Taking first place is Dream. The name still leaves a foul taste on his tongue, even after all these years.
Second of all is The L’manberg, which soon ends up being a much bigger problem then what it currently poses.
And third of all is Tubbo.
This time it was definitely Tubbo. So yes, let's all fess up to who it was.
Blame Tubbo.
Listen, alright? Tubbo grounded one very stubborn Big Man as punishment and that’s why we’re here. So really this whole thing was on Tubbo.
Yeah, that’ll work. It was Tubbo’s fault.
If you don’t know who Tubbo is, he’s the mastermind behind this operation.
We’re not, like, working for any evil corporation or rebel outpost. But if it was anybody you needed to pin the blame on, it was Tubbo.
“What the— dude, cut to the chase. Why are you on my ship?” The man stares at him through drawn eyebrows and a frown.
“Shit, my bad!” Tommy dangles upside down, one leg captured by the ship's intruder system. A magic device that tangled him in a glowing blue rope around his left foot. “Where was I?”
The blue energy that held him upside down wasn’t painful in any way, if not for a bit tight. Tommy silently praised whoever was looking out for him. He hated the zapping intruder traps. Magic and Sci-fi was a force to be reckoned with.
He tilts his head to the side, trying to look at the guys face the right way up. Behind him, he can see Ranboo teleport into the docking room, facing away from Tommy.
“Uhhhh….”
Ranboo starts to chuckle, turning around with his arms full of valuable goods.
“Well I’m here because uhh…”
In his arms are bundles of golden apples, enchanted books, jewellery, video games.
Ranboo freezes when he sees Tommy who subtly shakes his head before teleporting away, moments before the man Tommy is talking to can turn around.
The man points an angry finger at Tommy, turning away right as Tubbo rounds the corner, bundles of potions in his arms and a shit eating grin.
“Listen I don’t know how you got here—” Tubbo presses a button on his bracelet and the ship's invisibility fades off, revealing a large metal machine, docked inside this unfriendly man's larger ship.
“or what you want—” Ranboo beckons Tubbo inside, his arms now empty of the stolen goods,
“but you need to get the hell out of here. Most people flying in these parts are a lot more damning than me. They’ll call The L’manberg on you or you might even run into some of Schlatt’s goons.”
“Oh,” Tommy sighs in fake relief. “Thank you so much for letting us— I mean, me. Me! For letting me go!”
His face starts to grow hot from the blood rushing to his head. Just another few minutes before Tubbo and Ranboo help him out.
The man folds his arms. “Remember kid, you might not always be so lucky! What if this was The Essempee, huh? You’d be dead meat.”
Mention of The Essempee makes his blood turn cold for a minute but Tommy nods his head, “Dead meat. Yes sir.”
He spent a few years on the essempee and those were, without a doubt, the worst years of his life.
The old guy continues rambling, much to Tommy’s disinterest about how gracious he is. He lets his arms hang down from his spot upside down.
He watches as Tubbo and Ranboo squish through the ship's personal entrance, coming to give him the signal they were good to go.
Instead, he sees in horror as Tubbo trips on Ranboos foot over the side of the entrance's stairs and Ranboo dives after him in the same split second.
Tommy winces, in anticipation but Ranboo teleports them both inside the ship with a much duller thud.
The man turns around, seconds after the ship turns invisible once more.
Tommy sighs and reaches a hand against the small cylindrical black object attached to the side of his belt. “Yeah, okay. Guess I have to do everything myself.”
He pushes himself up and tries to grab the glowing ropelike object wrapped around his foot but it sparks angrily at him.
What the hell?
He flicks his multitool forward, watching Tubbo’s handiwork take shape. It transforms from its original cylindrical shape into a small axe, buzzing with a gentle flow of red power.
It slices clean through his previous arrangement and he crashes to the floor in a rather embarrassing way.
“Oww, shit.” He forces himself back to his feet and gives the gobsmacked man a pat on the shoulder. “Hey uh, thanks for everything… what was your name?”
The man stares in shock, watching the magical rope he created fizzle out of existence. “What the— I didn’t tell you…”
Tommy sighs, walking over to the now invisible spaceship. “Nevermind then. I don’t care enough to make you tell me. See ya around!” And with that, he takes a faithful step onto the invisible stairs.
A white outline glows in the air after his foot makes contact and he finds his way up with ease.
With the ships, softly shifting invisible appearance, he clings onto the white outline of the door frame. He gives a final salute to the man before shutting the door and hearing a mechanical voice over the docking intercoms.
Airlock opening in 30…
The man Tommy was just talking to runs to safety.
Ah, ship, sweet ship.
And not a moment too soon, he was really starting to get a headache from all that hanging upside down. The Unfortunate, their ship, lights up the room he enters and he gives an irritable hello to the spaceship’s AI.
The Unfortunate. Or, T.U.F for short ( T - The, U - Un, F - Fortunate,).
Tommy mentioned that without the T, it was like U.F.O but Tubbo told him that was objectifying the ship (objectifying was bad,) so it was back to TUF they went.
Tommy takes a shuddering breath, composing himself. He’s never liked being around strangers. This blockade of emotion presses down against his chest but he holds that door shut. The past was behind him.
He walks straight towards the bridge, the control room of the ship. The doors hisses open in his presence and finally, he’s safe at home.
He walks past the circular table in the middle of the room, littered with candy wrappers from their last stop at a galactic superstore, and an unfinished game of Uno that Tommy definitely would have won had it not been for Ranboo’s obsession with hoarding plus fours.
The mechanical doors squeak shut behind him. And he moves to greet his friends.
Tubbo is turned away, the dark green hood of his all too big bomber jacket pulled over his head as he mutters away quietly to himself.
Ranboo, sprawled with his too long limbs across his chair.
Ranboo sports a short sleeve jumpsuit, separated by a belt that looks like it came from the 2000s. The top part of the jump suit is a purple, although it’s partially concealed by the hybrid's much darker purple cape, and the bottom half a clean looking white.
Tommy mumbles to them in acknowledgement, cradling his head.
“God, this headache kills.”
“Too much hanging upside down?” Tubbo swings his head around, peering back at Tommy who nods in a grump.
“We might have some medication if you check medbay?” Ranboo hums, being greeted with a huff.
Tommy turns towards Tubbo, sitting in the seat to the right of the control panel.
The boredom on Tubbo’s face is as clear as day while he waits for the man to get to safety before opening the airlock. “That was so boring. Literally everyone was asleep. This is why I hate the new era of ships— half of it’s automated. There’s no action when you’re robbing them!”
Tubbo waves an angry hand at the screen showing a hacked system of airlocks open.
“Isn’t the point that we don’t get caught?” Ranboo raises a confused eyebrow and Tommy laughs with a confused shrug.
“Yeah, but where’s the spice!” Tubbo pinches his fingers together in annoyance before slumping into his chair and spinning to face them.
Tommy walks up to the captain's seat and sets the flight route they’ll be taking. The path is such easy flying he’ll barely need to be at the helm.
Once Tommy’s certain the ship won’t crash and burn he turns to talk.
“Hello? You guys had the easy job! I had to dangle UPSIDE DOWN for 20 minutes!”
Tubbo rolls his eyes. “We did not take 20 minutes.”
Ranboo snorts. “It was more like 30.” Him and Tubbo fistbump and Tommy audibly groans, throwing an uno card at Ranboo with a donk.
“You deserve it.” Tubbo shrugs.
“Barely.”
Tubbo turns and gives him the classic Tubbo side eye, making a reaction stronger than fear flood his body.
“Let me see it.” Tommy asks, stifling a laugh.
“No. You’ve seen it already.” Tubbo scrunches his nose.
“Show me again.”
“No way.”
“Tubbo.”
“Stop nagging me, Tommy.”
“Please?” Tommy begs dramatically.
“Nope.” Tubbo holds a hand up as if to mute him.
“One more time.”
Tubbo groans loudly and pulls his hood off, revealing a head of bright orange hair.
Tommy and Ranboo burst out laughing to Tubbo’s dismay.
Tubbo jabs a finger to his orange hair. “This! This is why you’re on bait duty and had to hang upside down while me and Ranboo got to do the fun part of stealing.”
Tommy lets his jaw drop. “Tubbo, are you telling me I helped you guys steal? Am I… an accessory to a crime?”
Ranboo punches Tommy in the shoulder, playfully. “You’re such an idiot.”
“I’d have to agree.” Tubbo wheezes.
Tommy grips his shoulder in shock. “My angel punched me!”
They all fell into laughter once more.
The haul was alright, good at best. It could have been better.
Hell, they steal for a living. A couple golden apples on some crinkly books isn’t going to do shit for them. At least the money is valuable.
Ranboo insists the books are important, which is fair game, so long as Tommy gets his share of sweet sweet potions.
After sorting through their acquired goods, they land on the galaxy's most well known super planet, Terra-9.
T-9 is, in Tommy’s opinion, very boring. The only good part about it is the markets and its neighbouring planet, Arctick.
Arctick is home to the academy that top tier cadets take home in, including Philza Minecraft himself. It’s odd how two neighbouring planets can be almost the exact opposite of eachother.
The Arctick is overrun with the latest sci fi and magic developments and over populated. Compared to T-9, the Arctick was a futuristic gold mine.
But here he was at T-9. It’s not his birth planet, or where he grew up, but it’s still close to his heart.
After Ranboo finishes triple checking their fake ID’s, they dock their ship and make their way towards the street of Terra-9.
The road they turn off on is crowded, bustling with life and movement.
Connecting each side of the street are hanging lights, glowing softly to illuminate the street below. The sound of gentle guitar music plays from a nearby restaurant while people walk past, pausing to find the source of the song and then continue forward doing their daily chores.
It brings a smile to Tommy’s face, although he’s watchful. Cautious of every person going which way like they might spring out and hurt him at any time. It’s a skill he engraved into his mind when he was younger, and likely it’s one he’ll keep.
A dozen different types of dishes fight for ownership of the air. The smell of slow roasting meat wafts in their direction, Tommy’s stomach immediately grumbling.
“Dude, when was the last time you ate?” Ranboo looks over to Tommy in horror as his stomach growls loudly again.
“Hanging upside down is hard work.”
Tubbo swings his arms around both of them. He can’t reach their shoulders very well considering his height but he does his best.
“Gentlemen, I say a victory meal is in order.” Tubbo announces.
They agree and rush off to their favourite restaurant, deserving of a nice treat (which they can actually pay for after their last haul).
At the end of the street is a quieter turn off, a small building with the words Quack city .
Tommy leads, pushing the small red painted door open. A bell jingles overhead and from behind the counter pops up Slime, the co-owner of this friend chicken paradise, the actual owner being Quackity.
“Oh hey guys!”
“Charlie!” Tubbo smiles, waving at the slime hybrid.
Slime waves back, a fleck of goop falling onto the counter which he looks puzzle at before wiping away.
“I thought you were off planet for a few weeks?” Slime smiles at them, leaning against the counter.
Tommy shrugs, walking over. “Charlie, you know nothing could keep me away from Quackity’s fried chicken.”
Slime nods excitedly at this before shouting into the kitchen, “Quackity! Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo are here! Can you please do their usual order!”
“Thanks, Slime.” Ranboo greets before they all wander off towards their usual table.
Tommy turns to follow Tubbo who’s already made a start in the right direction before he slams into his back.
Tubbo remains unmoving as Tommy crashes to the floor in a heap. Tommy looks to where Tubbo is glaring, not his evil side eye look but instead an evil death glare. One may argue, much worse than the side eye.
He follows the line of sight to see their booth occupied. Occupied by the…
By the…
Is that the captain of L’manberg and two of its crew members?
Sitting in his fried chicken booth?
He stands back up and Ranboo bends down to whisper.
“Is that Philza Minecraft?”
Tommy feels his heart pound. He looks at the blond man in question, slouched over eating a bowl of loaded fries. Philza has less wrinkles than he imagined, although he’s still determining if this is a good thing.
“He’s not even trying their chicken! This is the best chicken on all of Terra-9!” Tommy whispers angrily, still looking at the man.
“Tommy, you’ve never tried this place's chicken either. You’re vegetarian, remember? He’s literally eating the same thing you always order.” Ranboo consoles.
Tommy slowly twists his head around in deep offence. “Don’t call me that.”
“What?”
“Vegetarian.”
“I— but you’re— okay. Sure thing, man…”
Tubbo joins in on the quiet conversation. “Tommy, that’s like, the biggest thing you talk about. Your similarities to Philza Minecraft. Aside from women. Also men, kinda recently.”
“Yeah what is with the whole men thing, actually?” Ranboo agrees, equally curious but not pushy.
“Shut up.” Tommy waves both his hands, shooing them away.
Tommy doesn’t think he talks about the wing thing a lot. Or him and Phil even being the last two Avians (Phil having grown into an Elytrian). Tommy doesn’t really like to talk about it if he’s being honest. There’s a lot of painful memories he associates with his birth planet.
He was too young to learn of the wing ritual, passed through each generation of Elytrian and so, his wings never came through. That’s the blunt of it. He’ll stay an Avian forever.
He’s happy with that. He’s so happy.
And you know what? He’s even happier to identify as a human just for his safety. The world will always believe the Avian race ended with its planet and the only remaining proof is the only living Elytrian; Philza Minecraft.
“What do we do?” Ranboo asks the two of them. Tommy shrugs, staring at the three members of the l’manberg.
“We kick some ass.” Tubbo cackles before walking right up to them. Ranboo grabs his shoulder with a loud “Haha! Nope!” and redirects the boy to a different table in a grumble.
Tommy follows, giving the three a final stare and takes a spot across the restaurant from them.
The food arrives, delicious as usual bar the small bit of slime he found in the dipping sauce, and Tommy can’t help but keep sneaking looks towards their stolen table.
“Tubbo, you know how you said earlier that stealing was getting a little bit boring.” He faces Tubbo with a mischievous smile. “I know how we can add a little spice.”
“Nope.” Ranboo waves a chicken bone threateningly. “Absolutely not.”
“You want to try and rob The L’manberg?” Tubbo lowers his voice, eyes locked onto Tommy. There’s an agreeable hint of rebellion shining amongst the brown of Tommy’s eyes.
“No!’ Ranboo whispers, leaning across the table and pointedly stabbing his chicken bone in their direction. “We can’t rob The L’manberg! Our heist today barely went over smoothly!”
“Ranboo! If we rob the L’manberg, we wouldn’t have to worry about doing a haul for a very long time.” Tommy pleads. The three of them bump heads in the middle of the table, whispering in a weird, strained huddle.
“It’s a top ranking government spacecraft.” Ranboo argues.
“It’ll be fun.” Tubbo pops a chip into his mouth.
“What if something goes wrong?”
“You can teleport me out, boo.”
“If I can’t?”
“But you will.”
“But if I couldn’t, Tubbo?”
He shrugs. “It’s never gone wrong before. I believe in us.”
Tommy bursts into a wide grin. “Oh we’re gonna fuck those fuckers up.”
“Do you know any other words aside from fuck?” Tubbo twists his head around, the three of them still huddled over the table.
“Oh, Tubbo. I thought you’d never ask…”
Ranboo leans back and crosses his arms. “I am not okay with this.”
“He really does need to read a book and expand his vocabulary.” Tubbo sighs, sitting back in his seat and picking off the skin from his last piece of chicken.
“No, about robbing The L’manberg, you doorknob.”
“Hey guys, what are we robbing?” The collective table jerk back, Tommy screaming a little bit.
Charlie stands at the side of their table with his hands on his hips, a large beaming smile.
“Charlie! Keep it down!” He glances over towards the other table who continue to sit peacefully, talking to one another.
“Sorry! I heard talk of crime and Quackity told me to be his eyes and ears.” Charlie points to his eyes and ears to show what he means.
“Why does Quackity want to know about crime?” Tommy scrunches his nose in thought.
“Uh….” Charlie avoids eye contact, looking over to the kitchen “No reason! We’re just a fried chicken restaurant. Nothing suspicious going on at all.”
Charlie clasps his hand together and sways on the spot, before just…walking away. “Sorry, I need to go fry some chicken.”
Ranboo raises a curious eyebrow but doesn’t say anything at the peculiar statement. The other two don’t even seem to notice.
“So it’s settled? High stakes, high reward?” Tubbo asks, leaning back into the table.
Tommy nods his head up and down quickly. “Let’s rob these bitches.”
Ranboo palms his face and groans. “What could go wrong?”