Chapter Text
Izuku felt numb. He knew he was supposed to feel some form of fear or dread when he saw his schoolyard bullies eyeing him when class was dismissed like he was a piece of meat. He knew he was supposed to be cowering when Kachaan and his lackeys cornered him into some dimly lit alley. Knew when Kachaan drew his hand back ready to pummel him he should have felt something, anything. But he didn’t. Even the pain felt normal.
The beatings always felt like an eternity, and it left Izuku with too much time to think. He hated thinking. He always found some sort of distraction, be it his hero notes, school assignments, or helping his mother with chores, Izuku never wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Doing so would mean he would have to face the reality of his awful life. A reality where all men were not created equally. And at the ripe young age of four, Izuku Midoriya had the misfortune of learning the harsh truth firsthand. His dreams of becoming a hero shattered before it could even fully form. Even then he hoped, the embers of his dream still persisted. He kept up with all the heroes he liked, analyzing their strengths and weaknesses for anything he could use to feed the dwindling embers of his dream. He even looked up to the number 1 hero of his time, All Might. There was nothing that man did that Izuku could not tell you. He idolized him. Idolized.
He should have known better really. After all, he was essentially the poster boy of the screwed-up society that reminded him over and over again just how worthless and useless he was. He begged All Might for a lifeline to cling to, laying out his dreams at the feet of the man that meant the world to him. Like everyone else in his life, he spat on it. Only this time, the embers of hope that tried so desperately to stay alive were snuffed. That day, Izuku lost an important part of himself, leaving him empty, tired, and numb. He would have cried at the cruelty of it all, but his tears had long since dried.
Even as he was getting beaten to a pulp, the tears just wouldn’t fall. It probably angered Kachaan because his words got nastier each time. Izuku was certain Kachaan had told him to jump of a building one time. And for a while he considered it. Truly considered it. The only thing that Izuku could think of that would stop him, was his mother. Not to mention Kachaan could be charged with suicide baiting. Even if Kachaan despised him, he couldn’t bear to ruin his future like that. Kachaan had an amazing quirk with the skills to become a great hero one day. A quirkless, worthless, useless, waste of space and air could not jeopardize the future of a shining star like Kachaan. Even when he looked at him with nothing but pure hatred in his eyes, his mouth twisted into a scowl, punching the lights out of him, Izuku could not ruin his future. Even with the nasty words, Izuku just couldn’t bring himself to do it.
“SHITTY DEKU! THINK YOU CAN STILL BECOME A HERO HUH? A PATHETIC WEAKLING LIKE YOU? CAN’T EVEN FIGHT BACK!”
Fight back. Izuku silently pondered. Had he ever tried to fight back against Kachaan before? Had he ever tried to fight back against anybody before? Aside from the notebooks he kept, Izuku had not really made any other attempt at becoming a hero, he had just accepted his fate. What could he even have done to fight back? Could he have learned to actually fight? With self-defense classes? Or martial arts? Could he fight back right now?
Suddenly a familiar emotion washed over Izuku’s body at the thought. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. But he couldn’t quite place it. He wanted to feel it again.
Somewhere along the line, Kachaan had switched with one of his lackeys. He seemed less skilled than Kachaan. His hits were sloppier and hesitant. Overwhelmed with wanting the feeling to return, Izuku did something he had never dared to do before. He punched back.
He got into a fighting stance, the same stance he’d seen Kachaan drill into his lackeys many times before. Non-dominant foot forward, knees bent. Arms raised with his thumb tucked over the middle finger. Before anyone could react, Izuku pivoted his back foot forward to initiate, twisting his hips as he extended his arms forward. Following through, his knuckles connected to the face of one of the lackeys in a sickening crunch.
He aimed for the part of the face he knew would hurt the most, the nose. And for the first time in a long time Izuku felt pain. It wasn’t the type of pain that had him curling in on himself wishing he had never been born. No. This was a different kind. It felt good. The pain thrummed in his fist and reverberated through his entire body. He brought his fist to his face to inspect it and saw specks of blood. Wait, blood?
His eyes snapped up to the lackey he punched and saw him cradling his nose gingerly. He had broken it. Useless, quirkless Izuku broke someone’s nose. And his eyes. Those eyes, darting around erratically, pupils blown wide with fear. Someone was actually afraid of him and what he could do. The feeling from before rushed back in a steady stream, and this time it lingered. A dull hum, thrumming just beneath his skin. And this time he was able to recognize it. It was the same feeling he had when he discovered his very first All Might video. The same feeling he remembered he had when Kachaan would come over to play heroes, promising him they would be heroes together in the future. It was that same unmistakable feeling of joy and excitement. Feelings that were foreign to Izuku at this point in his life. His lips pulling up into a smile, something he was sure he hadn’t genuinely done in ages. Beneath the joy and excitement there was something there too. Something he had never felt before. For the first time in his life Izuku felt in control. He felt powerful. The small smile twisted itself into a full-blown manic grin. He could feel the expression split his chapped lips, tasting the familiar metallic taste from the cuts.
Even as he felt his consciousness slipping away, Izuku couldn’t stop smiling. Even as Kachaan inched closer, face painted with livid anger, Izuku kept the grin. ‘I want to feel it again’ He thought to himself as the darkness overtook him.