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Solas stared down at the table on which he leaned, tears brimming his eyes, consumed by his guilt and longing. A knot formed in his stomach. His own words echoed in his mind. “I felt the whole world change.” As did her words. “Var lath vir suledin!” Their kiss lingered on his lips, even after all this time, as had every kiss. It would linger for all eternity.
Solas pushed himself off the table, shouting in anguish. Heaving, he trembled, the howling wind outside the White Spire the only other noise in the mountain range thaig.
Solas thought back at how he came to this point, how it all began. He remembered waking and feeling so little, feeling numb, as it should have been, for it kept him focused.
The people of the world he awoke to felt empty and devoid of true and deep emotion. They had a way of severing magical connections from mages and called these, Tranquil. He met Tranquil, and he felt that even those who were not sundered from magic were but a mere shell of what a true being could be, could feel, and the energy they could exude around them.
Solas had felt devoid of emotions, neutral, and this was how he wanted it to remain. Stripped from the Fade in this world he had created when he held up the sky and separated the Veil from the world, sundered from magic, he was numb and weak, and only his regret remained.
And then…
Solas closed his eyes and whispered, ‘Vhenan.’
She made him feel everything around him, everything between them, as a tingle coursing through his veins. With every heartbeat, his skin was caressed with a ghostly sensation of crackling magical energy. A longing filled his heart, a need only she could satiate.
Solas turned and clutched his stomach, feeling the pain physically as a wound in his gut. He balled his hands into fists and let himself slide to the floor, weeping.
I cannot bear the thought of you alone.
A loud sob escaped him.
He had to find a way, some way, any way.
Resolved, Solas lifted himself from the floor and marched to the place where he kept his disguises. He knew what he had to do.
* * *
Lady Inquisitor Lavellan,
My name is Monsieur Lowell, an agent for the House of Repose in Orlais. I am writing to you because
my spies have encountered, shall we say, a problem that has left them petrified. It appears we have a
common enemy. I believe you would benefit greatly from learning what I know. I ask to meet with you
in private at my estate near Val Royeaux. I promise you, you will want to hear what I have to share.
Sincèrement, Monsieur Lowell.
* * *
The sun shone brightly above Val Royeaux. Solas squinted, scanning the area from the balcony. He knew his message had reached the Inquisition and had reached Melana.
He walked over to the mirror mounted on the wall in the lavish room he had recently cleaned, fixing his collar. The old estate had not been in use for years, but Solas had repurposed it for this occasion. The Eluvian in the adjacent room was already activated. He glanced at the petrified Orlesian servant, a victim from a while back, and nodded to himself, ready to meet with the woman he loved.
He shut the door to the room containing the Eluvian; he had to maintain the ruse just long enough.
His anticipation was agonising. He had waited so long since he’d last seen his vhenan, and yet now that he was the one waiting, he could barely keep his composure.
He was alone, and yet he felt exposed, despite his face being completely covered by a mask, clad as he was, for he knew Inquisition spies were probably watching the estate. His hat included a wig that covered his ears, and his shoes had platforms inside to make him seem taller.
He chuckled despite himself. Had it truly come to this, disguise and subterfuge in order to see the woman he loved?
He had chosen the old Orlesian name Lowell, as it meant “little wolf”. Solas felt a pang of sadness, for, without his vhenan, he felt so small.
A noise came from the stairwell on the other side of the door, and Solas’s heart quickened; his vhenan was approaching.
Solas heard the knock, and he quelled his anxiety. He opened the door and stood frozen in place, staring at the love of his life.
Melana looked past Solas, her eyes searching the room. Then her eyes landed on him.
‘You must be Monsieur Lowell.’ She held out her hand.
Solas took her hand but, instead of shaking it, brought it to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss on the top of her hand.
‘Lady Inquisitor Lavellan,’ he said, changing the pitch of his voice to a more nasal tone and giving himself the best Orlesian accent he could. ‘You are more beautiful than the stories say.’
‘Oh.’ Melana blushed, smiling. ‘Thank you.’
The sleeve of Melana’s left arm had been cut short and tied into a bow, and she carried a shortened staff on her back in such a way that seemed easy to grab with one hand.
‘Zis way.’ Solas motioned for her to enter and towards a table he had set. He shut the door, discreetly locking it behind him. ‘Please sit. I ‘ave sent a servant to bring us some tea and biscuits.’
‘That is very kind of you.’
Solas pulled out a chair for Melana before taking a seat himself.
‘You mentioned you wanted us to speak in private,’ said Melana. ‘Why was that?’
‘So we would not be so exposed, Lady Lavellan,’ replied Solas. ‘I am a spy and assassin for the House of Repose, and you are the Inquisitor; many eyes watch us even now.’ He clasped his hands together in front of his face, his eyes lingering on Melana.
‘This problem you mentioned,’ Melana prompted.
‘Yes.’ Solas cleared his throat. ‘I believe you-know-who is the one to ‘ave intercepted many of my men. He ‘as become a thorn in my side; the House of Repose is losing agents.’ He moved his hand about as he explained. ‘He eliminated some of my spies. That entails a dept of like kind. I must attempt to eliminate him, or come to an agreement. I ‘ave better chances if I am in alliance with one familiar to him such as the Inquisitor than alone.’ He looked about, as though expecting someone else, and put annoyance in his voice. ‘Where is that servant?’
‘And you’re certain that it’s him, the Dread Wolf?’ asked Melana.
‘
Absolument!
’ Solas suppressed a smile; this was the part where the Dread Wolf ensnared his love to take her with him. ‘I ‘ave found something that might be of interest to you.’ Melana cocked her brow. He spoke the next words deliberately. ‘An Eluvian.’
‘An Eluvian! Where!’
He could not only see the longing in Melana’s eyes but also feel the earnestness that vibrated in her voice. If there was one being in this world who felt like he remembered all beings from his time, it was her, and when he was around her, Solas could not ignore all that he had tried to for years. In her presence, his numbness became a massive ocean of emotions, a storm that threatened to drown him, but when he was away from her, there was a void that threatened to swallow him whole.
‘Monsieur Lowell?’
‘Sorry. Yes, the Eluvian. I ‘ave brought it here.’
Melana inclined her head forward. ‘You,’ she sounded dubious, ‘brought an elven artefact, an Eluvian, here, without Solas finding out?’
‘I am skilled at what I do.’
‘Show me this Eluvian,’ Melana demanded, sounding sceptical, as she stood from her seat.
The corners of Solas’s lips quirked into a smile. ‘Very well, Lady Lavellan.’ He stood. ‘Zis way.’
Solas walked to the door that housed the Eluvian, fully aware that the moment he and Melana were out of view from any Inquisition spies, they would move in. His time with her alone before spies barged in would be short. Solas had to act quickly from here on out.
Solas opened the door, and they entered the room where the Eluvian shimmered, casting light on the petrified Orlesian servant in the dim room.
Melana’s eyes landed first on the Eluvian, and her mouth fell agape; Solas knew she knew what this meant. Then she looked at the servant.
‘Sacrée bleue robe d’Andrasté!’ He tried to sound as surprised as she was. ‘It is active.’
‘He was here!’ She looked about. ‘We need to find my team.’ She readied her staff.
‘You might not catch him in time!’ Solas knew that the longer they lingered, the more chances he’d be caught. He stepped towards the Eluvian.
‘Wait, we can’t possibly be a match for him, just the two of us.’
‘I assure you, Lady Lavellan, I am more than capable,’ Solas replied. Melana narrowed her eyes. ‘When he sees you, I may not be turned to stone.’ He pointed a thumb at the Orlesian next to him.
‘Very well,’ she agreed.
Solas nodded. Melana was a capable woman and formidable in a fight. Even with a smaller and shorter staff, he knew she was just as powerful. His eyes darted towards her left arm again, the one he had severed when he saved her life from the anchor, remembering their final moments before he left her in the elven ruins. He turned, bringing himself out of his reverie and walked through the activated Eluvian. Melana followed
They were now at a crossroads of sorts that contained very few Eluvians. Another Eluvian remained activated, and Solas knew he could shut them at any moment.
He pointed. ‘Through there.’
Taking Melana’s hand, he quickly led her through the other Eluvian, and once through, it closed behind them. Solas heaved a sigh of relief.
They were in a chamber, private, far, and hidden. He took a few steps away from Melana, his back to her, hands clasped behind his back.
‘Is there another one?’ Melana asked. ‘Did we miss him?’
Solas let out a breath. He thought she might have caught on to the ruse by now, or perhaps she did not think it could be possible. Such was the hurt he had caused her.
‘He is here; you have found him,’ he said, still as the Orlesian character.
‘How?’
‘Because I am him.’
Solas turned and removed his mask, wig and hat, revealing his face to her.
‘Solas!’ Her eyes widened, realising. ‘Monsieur Lowell.’ Solas nodded. Her face hardened. ‘Why all the subterfuge?’
‘So we could speak alone,’ replied Solas.
‘And why would you need to speak to me alone?’
‘I needed to see you.’
‘Needed to see me?’ Her pitch was an octave higher, and Solas recognised her anger.
‘I understand your ire, Vhenan. I’m sorry for the roundabout way I lured you here.’
‘
You
needed to see me?’
‘Yes. Every time I think of you,’ he placed a hand to his stomach, ‘I feel it within me.’
‘You needed to see me,’ Melana repeated, her jaw clenching this time.
‘Ma vhenan, ir abelas.’
‘What about what
I
need?’ Melana shouted. ‘What about every time
I
need to see you?’
Solas bowed his head. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘So you’ve said!’ Melana looked around. ‘So this is what it’s come to? You wait years before I can see you again and then another several months? How long till the next time, huh?’
‘If I could see you more, I would.’
‘Then why don’t you?’
‘It’s not that simple, Vhenan,’ replied Solas. ‘I can’t have those coming after me finding me.’
‘Are you that worried about Leliana’s spies?’
‘Leliana’s spies are the least of my worries,’ said Solas. ‘If those searching for me find me, I put you in danger too. I cannot do that. You are the Inquisitor, all eyes are on you. I cannot put you in harm's way.’
‘And if I followed you, went with you and disappeared. We could be together, and no one would find us.’ Melana’s eyes were pleading.
‘You know that’s not possible, Vhenan. They would find us eventually. I don’t want you to be forced to witness or make the choices I’ve had to make.’
‘So how long until the next time I see you after this?’ Melana crossed her arms, her anger permeating from her as a rage demon’s fire dripped from it.
Solas downcast his eyes, he did not have an answer for her. He took a step towards her and took her hands in his, his eyes pleading.
‘I passed through the Eluvian,
And heaved before my knees gave way,
My heart ached just to know how much I hurt you;
But to protect you from myself,
I knew the choice I had to make,
I walked away intent on forgetting you.
But every day following then,
I longed for you and could not bear it.’
Melana’s eyes softened. ‘I have missed you so much.’
‘As have I, Vhenan; you do not know how much I’ve missed you. I wish there were another way than this, but right now, it’s the only way.’
‘Fenedhis lasa! It can’t be the only way!’ Melana’s face gave away how she was warring with her anger and her longing. ‘You left me!’
Solas shut his eyes tightly, the pain filling him anew.
‘You kissed me, took the anchor, and left me!’
A tear ran down Solas’s face. ‘Vhenan.’
‘How long do we have until you leave me again?’
‘Please don’t say it like that,’ Solas pleaded, looking deep into Melana’s eyes.
‘How long?’ Melana pushed Solas, and he staggered back a step. ‘How long until you leave through that Eluvian and I’m left pining and wondering when I’m going to see you again, if I’m ever going to see you again?’ She pushed him again. Solas staggered back a few steps. ‘Huh? Answer me, Solas. How long do we have? How long!’
Melana gave a final push, and Solas’s foot hit the foot of the bed behind him. He fell back onto the mattress. Melana’s anger was replaced by a look of apologetic shock. Solas wrapped his legs around her legs and pulled. Melana fell atop him onto the bed, her face a hair away from his.
‘As long as we want,’ Solas whispered, his tone husky.
He pressed his lips to Melana’s, and they both moaned. Melana placed a hand on his face as he rolled to be on top of her. He glided his hand down the side of her body to her waist.
‘Vhenan,’ he groaned.
‘Solas,’ Melana gasped. She pulled him back to her lips, her tongue meeting his and dancing with his. Solas nibbled her lower lip. Melana gasped again, this time more loudly.
A wave of elation pulsed through Solas’s body; Melana held him more tightly. Both gasped, and Solas felt as though with every heartbeat he was flooded with spasm after spasm of tantalising euphoria, and every time, his body tensed, and every time he let out a gruff moan, a sough that harmonised with Melana’s own moans.
Solas felt a flutter in his stomach, remembering the hurt and longing, feeling at the same time his joy, and tears flooded his eyes. His exhale was syncopated. Melana pressed her face to his even more before they both pulled away. Tears streaked the sides of her face. Solas wiped her tears with his thumb. His sorrow was overwhelming, his longing agonising, and his need for her was immediate.
Plunging back to her lips, Solas fiddled with the straps of her robes to loosen them. Melana’s lips left his just long enough for her to breathe in and out, moaning loudly. Solas let out a soft wail of desperate desire. He opened Melana’s robes; she lifted herself to allow Solas to cast them aside. He pulled up, staring deep into her eyes, as he hurried to remove his upper armour. Tossing everything aside, he dove in again, kissing Melana’s neck. She placed her hand on his chest, gliding it along to his pectorals and lingering there for a moment before continuing down. She reached for his belt and unfastened it. She pulled and threw it to the floor.
Solas let out a soft, amused chuckle, his lips tickling Melana’s skin, barely kissing her shoulder. He travelled to her breast and unstrapped her bodice. He looked at Melana’s bare chest and marvelled at her beauty. His arousal increased.
Melana’s hand found its way into Solas’s trousers. Pulling Melana up into a sitting position, Solas got into a crouch on the bed and removed the rest of his armour. He pulled down the rest of Melana’s clothes and pushed everything to the floor.
‘Vhenan, you are the most beautiful sight I could ever have imagined.’
Solas pressed his body against hers, letting their embrace warm his skin. Melana passed her hand along his arm; her touch was invigorating.
Slowly, Melana’s hips began to sway against Solas’s pelvis; Solas began to slide up and down, rubbing against her thighs and feeling himself harden more than he had already been. Solas kissed Melana’s neck and down to her breast, letting his tongue lap away at her nipple. Melana arched her back, gasping aloud. Aroused by her cry, Solas squeezed her breast, licking more fervently before trailing his tongue down to her stomach. He kissed her belly, gliding his hand down to touch her thighs; she was wet and warm, and he was elated by the feel of her.
His fingers danced upon her labia, and Melana arched her back again, gasping in pleasure. The sound aroused Solas so much, he inserted his fingers from his other hand and played inside of her. Melana’s legs and arms spasmed as she shouted out. Hearing her scream his name and scream for more sent ripples of titillation rumbling through Solas’s body, and he groaned.
His lips curved into a smile. Solas took joy from seeing Melana spasm with pleasure, but Solas was incomplete without his Melana and needed his desire satiated. He pulled his fingers out, and Melana’s whimper told him she needed him inside of her as much as he needed to be inside of her.
Slowly, he let himself sink into her, feeling ripples of pleasure surge through him; she was very tight, and his arousal threatened to spill too soon. He gripped her shoulders tightly, pausing and taking a deep breath. Melana wrapped her legs around him and moved sideways. They rolled, and Melana landed atop Solas, and he penetrated her even more deeply.
Solas bucked, and Melana jerked her head back, shouting out. Solas held her bum with his hands, squeezing tightly. Melana placed her fingers on her labia and pleasured herself while her hips bounced. Her screams prompted Solas to go faster as his pelvis slapped against hers.
Solas felt himself tense as Melana’s screams echoed loudly. Shouting, Solas felt his elation flood and spill inside of his vhenan. Melana’s screams continued, reaching a pitch an octave higher than before as she tensed and tightened around Solas’s cock before she let out a relieved sigh.
Melana lay atop Solas, kissing him fiercely. Solas held her tightly as he began to weep again.
‘Oh, Vhenan,’ he whispered. ‘I have wanted to consummate our love for so long.’ He pressed his cheek against hers. ‘Ar lath, ma vhenan. Oh, Melana, my love, ar lath.’
‘Ar lath, Solas,’ Melana whispered.
Solas held her for a long time, closing his eyes, feeling her energy through the magic that flowed between them. Her naked body was warm pressed against his, and every now and then, she gasped, spasming lingers of arousal, and Solas embraced the sound of her moans.
Solas placed a strand of her hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand.
Melana lifted her head and smiled. She was so beautiful, and Solas’s heart broke knowing he wouldn’t be able to indefinitely stay with her.
‘I missed your smile,’ he said.
She smiled again and turned her head. ‘An Orlesian, again. You’re not very original with your disguises.’
‘I suppose that makes me predictable, at best,’ Solas replied.
‘Am I supposed to be impressed with your scheme to get me alone?’ Melana asked.
‘It got you into my bed, didn’t it?’ Solas realised what he was saying too late, but Melana’s smile only widened. Solas and Melana laughed. It came as a relief, and it felt good to jest.
‘The Inquisition will be searching for you,’ said Solas, sobering, ‘we’ll have to arrange for your safe return.’
‘They can wait,’ Melana said. ‘I’ll enjoy telling them why I didn’t fight you.’
Solas kissed her cheek, smiling.
‘Tell me, is there a reason you chose the name Lowell?’ asked Melana.
‘It means “little wolf”,’ replied Solas.
‘I wouldn’t call it little,’ Melana said with an amused smile, laying her head back down and trailing a finger along Solas’s chest. Solas smiled as Melana nestled her head in his neck, and he closed his eyes again, breathing her in, a mix of sadness and contentment in his heart.
‘It breaks my heart to leave again,
My duty calls me soon away,
But it’s the only way I can protect you;
But I will stay with you tonight,
And hold you closely as you need,
And I promise to return to you again.
For I love you with all my heart;
Now I know without you I am lost.’
“Desperate Desire” is written by Celinka Serre (2022).
Disclaimer: This story is derivative and consistent of Fan-Fiction since it borrows the franchise world of Dragon Age. Certain jargon and places, or concepts mentioned, along with the Dragon Age universe belong to BioWare and EA. This fan-fiction story falls under Fair Use.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
This fanfiction, along with other works of fanfiction, is mirrored on my website where you will also find original fiction: https://binkyproductions.com/binkyink