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Wrapped in his soft, yellow towel, Jaehyun waddles out the bathroom and into his bedroom where all of his Winnie the Pooh plushies are. They litter all four sides, and a few of the giant ones sit on the bed too big for his small body. Even his little study desk is sprinkled with Pooh stickers and stationery. One can find several other characters from the cartoon, but Winnie the Pooh reigns supreme in little Jaehyun’s private sanctuary.
Rubbing his eye as he sneezes, he giggles as his mother wipes his nose with the hem of his bath towel. “I can get dressed on my own!”
His mother wears a smile so similar to his. They’re like half and half of a symmetrical fruit. “Since when, bub?”
“Since yesterday! I learned from papa.”
“But papa wasn’t wearing a school uniform, bub. Papa doesn’t go to school anymore, remember?”
Jaehyun climbs to bed, clutching both ends of the towel with one chubby fist to keep himself warm. “I know that…But I’m a big boy now. I’m seven! We—boys who are seven years old have to get dressed on their own, mama.”
The woman sighs, brushing his damp hair. “Alright. But if you find it hard to do the buttons, call me, okay? I’ll just lay out your uniform on the bed. What about your shoes?”
His small toes wiggle. “Haven’t learned from papa yet… He doesn’t wear shoes with laces.”
“Then come down when you’re done so mama can tie them up for you.”
With a quick kiss on top of his head after readying his uniform, his mama finally leaves him alone to get dressed.
Jaehyun slides off the bed with a quiet ‘oof’, blowing his slightly wet fringe away from his eyes before dropping the towel. Being taken care of by his mama and papa since he was born, he slightly wobbles as he steps into his underwear, nearly losing his balance when he dons his school shorts. But he remains upright because he’s a big boy now and he won’t call his mama just because of silly things like this. Yesterday, he watched an episode of Winnie the Pooh and learned about independence, so he’s now applying as much as he can. He wants to show his parents that he can do some tasks without their help. As his mama and papa’s only child, Jaehyun swears to be strong and reliable.
When it’s time to button up his shirt with his new school’s seal on the pocket, Jaehyun stands in front of his kiddie full-length mirror, lower lip jutting out. His fingers are fat and short, slippery from the bath so the buttons of his uniform keep slipping out of his hold. “No…no, don’t call mama. If you can’t do it now, you won’t learn!”
Determined to succeed, he pinches the button and concentrates really hard. One by one he latches all three, and though it takes him a couple of minutes doing so, Jaehyun is so proud of himself when he gets done and looks
at his reflection in the mirror. Would you look at that, he’s a very neat boy!
He then sits on his Pooh stool as he wears his socks, huffing as he bends down since his bulging stomach is on the way. As soon as his feet are covered, Jaehyun hangs his towel on the door knob and meets his mama in the kitchen, with his shoes and backpack in hands. “Mama, lookie!”
The way she glows at the sight of him makes Jaehyun feel victorious. “Oh my God, you really did it! I’m so proud of you, bub!” She kisses his round cheeks, earning shrill giggles. “Papa should’ve seen it. He just dropped by at the store and will be back soon. Want him to show you how to tie your laces? Mama’s preparing your snacks.”
“’Mkay,” he says and puts his shoes down next to his bag before joining his mama at the table, happily picking his snacks for the day.
**
It’s Jaehyun’s first day in school—in Korea, at least. His family moved back to the country in the middle of the year due to his papa’s job, but since he was barely a year old, they’d been in Connecticut. Since his parents don’t want him to lag behind, he enrolled in a new school in the capital. Jaehyun is restless in the backseat of their car on the way to his new school, excitement thrumming in him. He can’t wait to meet new friends! Back in the US, he had a lot and he was so sad about leaving them. But today, he will be surrounded by other children and Jaehyun will make it his mission to collect new playmates.
He’s jolly, energetic and smart, so everybody is going to love him.
Unlike most kids who cry when left by their parents in a strange place, Jaehyun only bounces on his heels as he waves goodbye to his parents and follows his teacher to the classroom, tiny feet stomping in elation. His new school is so much bigger than the one he attended previously. Lots of trees stand in the wide courtyard near a colorful playground.
“Class, can we quiet down for a bit? I’m with your new classmate. That’s right, he’s going to join us starting today.” She smiles down at him and gives him a little nudge forward. “Why don’t you introduce yourself?”
Dimples out, Jaehyun smiles at the other kids. “Hello, my name is Jeong Jaehyun and I’m seven. I lived in America for five years. I like food and Winnie the Pooh. Please take care of me!” His classmates greet him back, then his teacher shows him to his seat at the very back of the class, which is the only vacant one in this room of 20 students.
They are given a simple writing activity. Jaehyun quietly fulfills it, occasionally glancing at his seatmate. His eagerness to make friends is yet to wane but he knows how to respect classroom rules and so he shall wait until the activity is done before talking to the others. Perhaps during playtime!
As soon as the bell rings, Jaehyun falls in line to pass his paper to his teacher then rushes out of the classroom and into the yard with his snackbox.
He jogs up to his seatmate. “Hello, I’m Jaehyun!” The boy warily looks at him. “I’m Sungjin.”
“Do you wanna share my food? I have—um, I have cookies here—and some banana—”
“But I’m gonna play with my friends.”
“We can be friends! Lookie, I have marshmallows, too—”
Sungjin doesn’t let him finish. The boy shakes his head and runs towards the slides with their other classmates. There’s a bunch of kids at the playground, probably from the other class and Jaehyun easily loses the faces he remembers.
Nobody’s approaching him. Everyone is in their own world while he stands in the middle by himself, clutching his snackbox. It seems like…like they don’t want to talk to him for some reason and it confuses Jaehyun. Is it because he’s basically a foreigner? What’s the problem with that? And his mama packed him a lot of snacks, he can’t possibly finish them all.
It’s only the first day so he doesn’t worry too much. Soon, his classmates will get curious and talk to him, make him tell everything about Connecticut. He’s only seven, and he barely knows anything that isn’t Winnie the Pooh and Friends, but he’ll happily share with them whatever he can.
For now, Jaehyun sits under the biggest tree in the yard and eats, nibbling on his marshmallows. The weather is nice and isn’t too hot or too cold. His coconut hair is
blown gently by the wind. As he observes the children from where he is, he can’t help feeling a tiny bit of sadness. He’d looked forward to his first day in school and expected so much out of it but here he is, all by himself.
A bug climbs to his lap. Jaehyun picks it up and raises it to his eyes. “What’s your name? Oooh, that’s a cool name, Mr. Bug. But can I call you Mr. Bug instead? Great! Do you wanna sit with me? I don’t know what you can eat from my snacks…but here’s a leaf.” He puts the bug over a sizable leaf that must have fallen from the tree and watches the kids again.
That’s when he notices a particular student.
He recognizes the boy immediately as one of his classmates, sitting in the second row at the far right. The boy seems pretty popular as a lot of kids surround him. Though it looks like he’s content with munching on a cookie without talking. The boy then heads to the swings, followed by some of the other kids. Even from where he is, Jaehyun can see the slight frown on the boy’s face. Is he not happy with his cookie, or does he not like being talked to? Jaehyun’s curiosity is answered when the boy shakes his head and the other kids leave. Maybe he doesn’t feel well and doesn’t want to pass his sickness to them?
Ah, too many questions! Can he just focus on something else? Like—like how cute that boy is, and the way chews on one side and fills his cheek with the food? And why is he so…so—so pretty? Can boys be called pretty?
Jaehyun looks down at his snackbox. He’s not too sure but the word suits the boy very much. With ears like an elf’s, cheeks ruddy from the sun, his classmate resembles a character out of the many fairytale books Jaehyun has at home.
For the rest of the break he just eats as much as he can while casting glances towards the pretty boy.
When his parents pick him up after school, Jaehyun talks about how his day went. “It’s okay. Teacher Mina is nice and the playground is huge!” Jaehyun fixes his backpack on his lap and proceeds to tell his mama about Mr. Bug. He skips the part where his classmates purposely avoided him (tomorrow, it’ll change!) and the part where he spent half of the school day just thinking about the pretty boy.
The next day doesn’t change. And the next, and then the day after that. His classmates are generally loud but when it comes to Jaehyun, they either become timid or mute. One of them even pretends Jaehyun is invisible. But why, right? He’s not scary! He’s sweet and as adorable as his Poohs. His young mind struggles to figure out the reasons. It was so easy to make friends back in his old school, so what’s different here?
Because he joined late? Perhaps if they returned to Korea before the beginning of the school year, they would have been kinder. Friendships have already been formed
and Jaehyun can’t easily get into their circles. He’d seen this in a cartoon! Was it in Peppa Pig? They were reluctant to befriend a new kid in the neighborhood but everything went well in the end.
Never mind. Jaehyun doesn’t like this. His heart squeezes painfully.
Even more when they start their art activity. Teacher Mina asks them to make various shapes out of the clays. Later on, they are going to present it to the class. To mold their creativity, she says. Jaehyun is naturally competitive, and knowing that he’s talented too (he likes singing and his papa said he has a nice voice!), he does his best to perfect his clay project.
He’s in the middle of making a star when Sungjin scoots close to him. All the chairs and tables have been pushed aside so they can sit comfortably on the floor with their materials.
“Hello,” Jaehyun says, surprised.
“What are you making?”
Is this real? Someone finally wants to get to know him? Giddy with happiness, Jaehyun shows his half-formed star. “I’ve got a sun here too, and also a tree, and a house.”
“Why did you do so many? Teacher Mina said you only have to do what you can…”
“But I can do a lot! See? After this, I’ll make a cookie. You—you have to poke holes in the middle with your pencil…or just draw on it. But I think it’s better to put little
brown clays on top so it will look like a chocolate chip cookie. Want me to show you?”
Jaehyun beams when Sungjin nods and quickly goes to work on his clay cookie, pink tongue poking out in concentration as he shapes his thinly pressed clay into a circle. “And then you do this—”
“That doesn’t look like a cookie!”
“Because I’m not yet done—”
“I think it’s ugly,” Sungjin says, poking a finger through the clay and ruining it. “Your other clays are also ugly and wrinkly. The tree looks like a shrub!”
Jaehyun sags as he puts down his ruined clay cookie that resembles a donut now.
“You can’t help me if you make stupid clays.” Snorting, Sungjin goes back to his friends and whispers to them, pointing in his direction. They giggle to themselves for a bit before completely ignoring him, satisfied in breaking Jaehyun’s spirits.
He feels like crying. Jaehyun looks at their teacher to see if she witnessed it but Teacher Mina is busy chatting with another teacher at the door, and absolutely missed how Sungjin insulted his project. Jaehyun sniffles and holds it in. He can’t cry now. Maybe Sungjin didn’t mean to be rude. But Jaehyun doesn’t believe that his clays are ugly or stupid. They’re shaped well and look exactly what he intends them to be!
Jaehyun’s gaze fixes on his pretty classmate. The latter quickly turns his head away. Did the pretty boy see what Sungjin did?
**
Playtime bell rings, propelling Jaehyun to bring his snacks to the courtyard. In the hopes of joining his classmates today, he finishes quickly and leaves his snackbox by the tree before entering the playground.
The kids collectively transfer to another section of the playground, leaving Jaehyun alone by the slides.
He scratches his cheek, huffing. “Okay, if you don’t wanna talk to me then I’ll play alone. This slide is mine now.” Looking at the bright side, he climbs the slide and sits on top of it.
Jaehyun is just tying his loosened shoelaces so he won’t trip while walking when someone shoves him from behind. He falls to the ground with a loud yelp of pain, clutching his scraped knee as he sits up.
“That’s what you get for acting like you’re the best!”
Tears brim in his eyes as he looks up at Sungjin. What exactly did he do to get treated this way? Did they really have to hurt him just because they don’t like him? It’s not nice! Kids shouldn’t hurt other kids; he wouldn’t hurt other kids!
His wound stings so much when he stands up, brushing the dirt from his uniform. His mom isn’t going to be happy when she sees his knee.
“Why did you do that?”
He turns to the newcomer, seeing the pretty boy stop next to him, brows furrowed as he glares up at Sungjin who’s still perched on top of the slide.
“Because he’s taking our slide!”
“That’s not your slide. It’s the school’s slide, so everyone can use it.”
“But he can’t play here!”
“Why not?”
“We don’t know him!”
The pretty boy’s frown deepens and he crouches to look at Jaehyun’s knee. “You hurt him. Don’t push people like that. It’s bad. If I see you push him again, I’m gonna tell Teacher Mina and she won’t like it.” Then taking Jaehyun’s hand, the pretty boy faces him. His frown softens, replaced by worry. “Do you want to go to the clinic? I know where it is.”
Wincing, Jaehyun nods and follows his classmate to the clinic. The nurse coos at him when she sees the problem and sits him on the table. “How did you get that?”
“I fell…”
His classmate frowns again. But Jaehyun wishes not to make this bigger than it is. It’s just a misunderstanding. Soon, Sungjin and the others will be nicer to him.
The nurse cleans his shallow wound and puts a Hello Kitty plaster on it. When she’s done, she allows the two of them to stay for a bit until the bell rings again.
Pretty boy climbs the table to sit with him when the nurse walks away.
“Thank you…”
“No biggie. Your name is Jaehyun?”
He realizes he still doesn’t know all of his classmates’ names. Jaehyun has been calling his pretty classmate ‘pretty boy’ in his head since the first day.
“I’m Taeyong! Don’t talk to Sungjin ever again. He’s bad. He used to pick on me too but I fought back so he doesn’t bother me again. I don’t know why he likes making fun of other kids…” Taeyong purses his thin lips, gripping his own uniform. “Does it still hurt?”
“Not anymore. I didn’t fall that hard.” Jaehyun sniffles anyway, legs swinging over the edge of the table. A question lingers in the back of his mind. All the other kids simply stood and watched, but Taeyong spoke up. “Why did you help me?”
“Because you need it! And I think—I think you need a friend, too. Nobody wants to talk to you and it’s um— what do you call it?” Taeyong pouts as he tries to find the right word, cheeks puffing. “Oh—it’s called annoying. If they hurt you again, you should call me. I’ll fight them for you.”
Jaehyun panics. “No fighting! It’s bad!”
“But bullying is bad too!” His classmate crosses his arms, chubbier and shorter legs swinging at the same time as his. “Wanna be friends…?”
That’s the best thing Jaehyun has ever heard since joining the class. Perking up, he nods frantically. “Yup! Let’s be friends!”
Taeyong grins, one of his teeth missing. But he still looks so pretty. Draping an arm around each other’s shoulders, they make their way back to the classroom talking about their favorite cartoons—and everything under the sun until break is over. When they part to take their seats as Teacher Mina resumes the class, Jaehyun notices a chance in Taeyong. He looks brighter.
**
“How’s school today, bub?”
Jaehyun shifts in his seat in the car, gripping the belt. It’s just his mama today because his papa has already started working. “Good! I have a new friend now! His name is Taeyong.”
“That’s awesome. Is Taeyong nice to you?”
“Very much. See this, mama? I fell from the slide and he took me to the nurse and stayed with me. And we talked about---um, about lotsa stuff.”
His mama pats his head. “Be careful next time, okay? Is it deep? Mama will check it when we get home.”
Throughout the ride, Jaehyun rambles about his pretty friend, making his mama chuckle. “He’s so…he’s so
cute, mama. We’re the same height but somehow he looks small? He has elf ears! I think that’s why. Maybe he’s an elf…or a fairy…”
“Then that means he’s magical.”
That’s right. Taeyong is magical. He must be. “And pretty. Very pretty, mama. He’s the prettiest boy ever.” Looking out the window, Jaehyun misses his mama’s fond smile.
Even though Jaehyun would like to think he’s maturing, and that he can juggle multiple thoughts in his head at once and digest them fully, nowadays Taeyong is all that occupies his young mind. When he’s doing his homework, when he talks to his Poohs before sleep. Over dinner, he blabbers about Taeyong so much that his parents have no choice but to indulge him, asking questions about his best friend.
He didn’t even notice how quickly it happened. One second they’re hanging out at the clinic, and the next they’re doing every single thing together—sharing snacks, becoming seatmates (Teacher Mina found out about what Sungjin did and made him switch seats with Taeyong who volunteered), getting caught giggling with each other during class. The last one, Jaehyun has never done it before in fear of being scolded, but he just can’t help it. He always wants to talk to Taeyong, have Taeyong look at him and only him.
They sometimes play at the sandbox building poorly designed castles, or sit under the shade of Jaehyun’s favorite tree to look for bugs. Jaehyun learns that Taeyong is a fan of collecting insects, that he wants to start an insect farm at home but his mama is against it, so he just keeps what his mama allows.
Every second of the day they’re glued to each other and it’s a chore to keep them from talking during class. Taeyong’s friends try to take him away from Jaehyun, but everytime they do, Taeyong refuses because according to him, he only wants to play with Jaehyun.
And it makes Jaehyun’s heart pound like crazy.
He’s heard about crushes before. His old classmates constantly talked about puppy crushes and at first, he thought they were just boasting about their pets. Until now, he doesn’t understand what it exactly means.
Picking up his kiddie water sprinkler, he helps his mama water the plants in their backyard. “Water is bad?”
“Too much is bad, bub. We have to do everything moderately even if they’re good for us because sometimes, when it gets too much, it becomes dangerous. The plants might drown if you give them more than they can absorb.”
He files the information away. “Okay! Then—then if I talk to Taeyong too much, is that going to make me sick?”
His mama chuckles, pinching his cheek. “No, baby. Talking to our friends is good for us. You need to enhance your social skills so you won’t get sick or anything if you
wanna talk to Taeyong. Plus Taeyong makes you happy, doesn’t he?”
Jaehyun presses a hand on his tummy when he feels something flutter inside, and puts down the sprinkler. “Mama, can I ask you something? What’s a puppy crush?”
She turns to him in surprise, squatting. “Where did you hear about that?”
“In my old school! And I didn’t understand what it was. Tell me?”
“Hmm, puppy crushes are those people that make us happy and warm inside. When we talk to them, or simply see them, our hearts skip a beat.”
Just like what Taeyong makes him feel. “Do they make you wanna go to school everyday?”
His mama nods. “But for adults, they make you wanna go to work everyday, or simply meet them somewhere. Like a date.”
“Is that why papa goes to work everyday?”
His mama laughs, pinching his nose. She and his papa have a penchant for squeezing him, calling him squishy. “Papa’s only crush is mama. Papa goes to work because he needs to. That’s what adults do to earn money, bub.”
Jaehyun looks down at his feet, toes wiggling inside his shoes as he thinks about his mom’s explanation. He always wants to see Taeyong, talk to him and play with him, or just sit with him in silence if they’re too tired from
running around the playground. When Taeyong holds his hands, he feels warm in his chest and on his face, and on the tips of his ears. When Taeyong smiles at him, Jaehyun forgets about the fact that only Taeyong wants to be friends with him and that missing-tooth smile makes it okay. Because Taeyong doesn’t smile a lot with his other friends— but with Jaehyun, he’s a walking sunshine.
Jaehyun must be really special, right?
With that in mind, Jaehyun picks up his sprinkler again and dashes to the other plants, impatient. He can’t for Monday to roll again so he can see his puppy crush.
**
Taeyong said he needs to pee so Jaehyun stays behind, sitting under the tree while waiting for his mama to pick him up. For a moment, he watches the other parents take their kids, until he grows bored of it and plucks a flower nearby, ripping its petals as he murmurs under his breath.
“He likes me…he likes me not….he likes me…he likes me not…” The girls in his previous school did this a lot to find out if their puppy crushes like them back. How a flower would know that, he’s not sure but he’d like to take his chances. “He likes me…he likes me not…he likes me…he likes—”
Jaehyun counts the remaining petals and gasps. This is not good. He doesn’t like what this flower is going to tell him. He must have chosen a sick flower. Or perhaps, this is
fake! His mama has fake flowers, so this one is probably fake, too. It’s missing one petal!
However, fake or not, Jaehyun doesn’t want to throw it away.
Leaving his spot under the tree, he looks for Taeyong and finds his best friend by the monkey bar holding a white balloon and talking to a girl. Jaehyun can’t hear what they’re saying but when he sees the girl hang her head low and walk away, he gets a hunch that his best friend must’ve made her sad.
Taeyong doesn’t notice him and starts walking, so Jaehyun naturally follows. “Where are you going?”
“To the waste bins. I don’t want this balloon…” “Did she give you that?”
Taeyong nods, expression pinched in confusion. “She said—she said that she liked me.”
It makes Jaehyun huff. “Like a crush?”
His best friend nods stiffly before looking at him. “Why are you following me…?”
“Ah—here! For you!” He passes the broken flower to Taeyong, cheeks pinkish.
“Where are the other petals?”
“Um…I played that game where—where you ask the flower something…and when I saw that it would say no, I stopped playing. I don’t like what it’s going to say because it’ll make me sad. But I don’t wanna throw it away
too so I’m giving it to you.” Jaehyun’s pointer fingers touch as he fidgets. “Do you not like it?”
“…It doesn’t have all the petals, but it’s okay. I like it because it’s from you.” Grinning, Taeyong releases the balloon and lets it float to the sky as they walk back to the tree, hand in hand.
Not only his face and his chest feels warm, but also his hand that Taeyong is clutching. Elated, Jaehyun skips with Taeyong to the tree and they both giggle at the sight of petals on the ground.
He comes to the conclusion that even the most delicate flowers have nothing on his pretty best friend.
Hearing a sheepish but familiar voice when his mother opens the front door, Jaehyun hastily descends from his chair at the dining room and sprints towards his best friend who’s hiding shyly behind his mama’s legs. “Yongie!” Jaehyun had asked his parents for permission if Taeyong could sleep over at their house, and after coordinating with Taeyong’s mother, the adults have agreed on it to be on a Saturday night.
Mrs. Lee chuckles as he pulls Taeyong inside the house. “We’re sorry for being a little late. Taeyong was fussing over his pajamas. Anyway, everything he needs is in his bag. Yong-ah, be a good boy and no staying up late, okay? Mama will pick you up tomorrow afternoon.”
After a goodbye kiss, Jaehyun’s mother closes the door and ruffles their hair. “Alright, dinner will be in half an hour so go show him your room first, bub. Papa will join us soon. Welcome to our house, Taeyong.”
“Thank you!” Then dragged by Jaehyun, Taeyong’s jaw drops as he takes in the sight of too much yellow—and too many to count Winnie the Poohs around the room. “These are all yours?”
“Yup! Come to bed!” Jaehyun helps his best friend climb and bounces merrily, picking up one of his stuffed toys. “This one, I got it from auntie. Tigger was a present from mama and papa won me that Eeyore and Piglet bobbleheads from Disneyland.”
His joy overflows when Taeyong holds one of the little Poohs, hugging it tight. “Pooh is cool! But I like SpongeBob more. Though…thought I don’t have many SpongeBob at home.”
“How many?”
Taeyong’s forehead creases as he mentally counts. “Eight…? Two pillows, a bag, a cap, then my towel—I brought the towel! Then my slippers and my shirt.”
“Ask for more SpongeBob on your birthday. When is it?”
“July 1.”
“Oh, it’s over. Mine’s on Feb. 14!” Jaehyun’s eyes sparkle. His birthdays are always a fond memory. “Papa calls me Valentine Boy.”
“Do you get a lot of chocolates on your birthday?”
“Yeah, but we can’t eat everything so we give some away. Would you like my birthday chocos?”
Taeyong shakes his head and puts Pooh back to the bed. “I’ll give you chocos instead.”
Jaehyun then continues to introduce every single one of his plushie to Taeyong, recounting the story of how he got them and when, making up stories for those he can’t remember. He lets Taeyong dress one of them like they’re changing a baby’s nappies, laughing when the button pops off. Once his papa comes back, they go down to eat. His best friend is so likable so it doesn’t surprise him when his parents start doting on Taeyong. Wanting to participate in coddling the other boy, he transfers his mini hotdogs to Taeyong’s plate, telling him to fill his round tummy.
**
After dinner, Jaehyun’s papa puts Frozen on TV and they all watch it sharing two bowls of popcorn. Then before settling in bed, Jaehyun and Taeyong take a half bath together. Alone! Jaehyun won’t let his mama fret over him because he’s a big boy now. For ten minutes, he and Taeyong soak in the soapy tub playing with the rubber duckies.
It’s a good thing that his mama didn’t push to help, because Taeyong certainly doesn’t need one. His best friend knows how to scrub himself and brush his teeth. Standing on the stools by the sink, they play while brushing, nudging each other.
Now in their pajamas (Winnie the Pooh and SpongeBob! Yellow besties!), they lounge in Jaehyun’s bed busy doing their own thing—Jaehyun on his stomach with his coloring book, and Taeyong finishing the rest of his homework.
Picking up a crayon, Jaehyun sings softly. “Old Macdonald had a farm, E I E I O~”
“And on his farm he had a cow, E I E I O~”
“With a moomoo here and a moomoo there—”
“Here a moo there a moo everywhere a moomoo— ”
And together, “Old Macdonald had a farm, E I E I O!”
Taeyong giggles, taking a peek into his coloring book. “You colored out of the picture!”
“I have a crayon eraser! See? It’s gone!”
“But it’s smudged..” Closing his textbook, Taeyong picks up a crayon and together they color the clear picture of a carnival. Their heads bump, both of them erupting into high-pitched giggles once again. Louder, when Taeyong leans in and bites the tip of Jaehyun’s nose. “You look like a pig!”
“A honey pig! Oink oink…” Jaehyun gasps as his alarm rings and hastily puts his stuff away, snoozing the alarm. “That’s sleeping time. Mama sets it so I won’t stay up late.”
“My mama doesn’t do that, but she keeps going to my room to check if I’m already sleeping…”
“Should I turn the light off? I have a lamp.” Jaehyun turns on his Pooh lamp and switches off the main light before slipping under the sheets with Taeyong, fluffing his best friend’s pillow so it’s comfortable. “Okay?”
Taeyong nods and turns on his side, facing him. “I’m scared of ghosts…”
“There’s no ghost here! It’s only me, Casper. And Casper likes Yongie.” A second of silence as Jaehyun thinks. “W-would you like to hold hands?”
Taeyong doesn’t take his hand but dives into his plump arms instead for a hug. Delighted, Jaehyun embraces him. “No ghosties, please. Leave my Taeyongie alone so he can sleep. My Poohs will protect you, Yongie.”
The other boy curls up, face buried in his chest.
Can Taeyong hear how loud his heart is beating? Jaehyun sniffles and rests his cheek atop Taeyong’s head. “Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky…”
“Will you sing until I fall asleep?”
“Mm. Want a good night kiss? Mama said it chases the bad dreams away.” As his friend nods, Jaehyun presses a smooch on Taeyong’s cheek, his face warming up once more.
This feels like the best sleep Jaehyun has ever had since knowing what sleep is like.
Their school organizes an annual trip for the students to relax outside the four walls of a classroom. This year, they are going to see the mighty animals in the zoo together with their parents. Since the bus ride, Jaehyun and Taeyong are already acting like twins joined by the hip. No one ever sees them apart. Where Jaehyun is, Taeyong is there. Being away from each other for longer than a minute is their biggest pet peeve.
Fingers are interlocked again, their hands sway as they walk in front of their parents. Jaehyun is in jeans and a yellow shirt, a cap on his head, and Taeyong must wear something really cool underneath that oversized jacket he won’t take off. “Do you know that there are…like—like 10,000 bird kinds all over the world?”
“That many birds? But why do I only see one kind of bird? Always black or brown, and they knock on the window in the morning.”
“Dunno what kind of bird that is, but it’s a very friendly bird. Say hi when they knock on the window. And you should feed them worms.”
Families loiter all over the zoo. Some couples, taking pictures and eating corn dogs from the several food stalls.
“But we don’t have worms at home!”
Jaehyun shrugs. “Then go buy worms with your mama. They sell worms at the pet store because it’s a bird feed.”
Taeyong is interrupted by three of their classmates. His former squad before Jaehyun took all of his attention. “Yong, walk with us instead!”
“I’m fine here…”
“But you’re always with Jaehyun!”
“Because he’s my best friend and I like him.”
Jaehyun watches as one of their classmates, Jihoon, frowns and saunters away with the other two. Pretty sure that the boy glared at him before leaving. He looks at his mama and papa, and sees them engrossed in a conversation with Taeyong’s mother. “You don’t wanna play with them anymore?”
“I still want to but it’s not as fun as when I’m with you,” Taeyong says quietly, fiddling with the zipper of his jacket. “And they think SpongeBob is weird.”
How dare they say that to his crush?! “SpongeBob isn’t weird! He’s funny!”
He likens Taeyong’s smile to a firework—one that somehow slipped inside his tiny body and explodes there.
The class’ guide then leads them to the wild animals in the zoo. Somebody cries when a lion roars, but Jaehyun and Taeyong don’t even flinch, fascinated by the king of the jungle.
Tempted by the food stalls, Jaehyun surrenders to the hungry call of his stomach and asks his papa to get him ice cream. His papa only gives in when Teacher Mina lets them roam around for a bit before they continue to the crocodile show. He sits on the bench with Taeyong, their mothers still chatting at the side.
“What does it taste like?” Taeyong asks with the plastic spoon between his teeth, eyeing his pint.
“Really sweet! And a little sour. We can switch if you like…”
Taeyong scoops from his pint and nods. “I think yours is better.” They do exchange their ice creams then, but they feed each other every now and then so they’re basically just sharing both pints.
“I saw a monkey earlier and I really want to feed it, but I don’t have a banana…”
“Mama packed some banana!” Hopping off the bench, Taeyong tugs on his mother’s blouse. “Can I have a banana? Jaehyunie wants to feed the monkey.”
“Sure, but we’re going with you. You can’t just come close to monkeys without supervision, you know.”
And so they find themselves lining up to interact with the young monkey in the zookeeper’s arms. With the banana in his hand, Jaehyun stays in between his mama and his papa. He hears the zookeeper’s warning, but Jaehyun lets it slip into one ear and escape out the other. Monkeys are sweet animals, they won’t hurt him!
He peels the banana when their turn comes, grinning up at the monkey. “Hello, I’ve got a banana! For you!” Extending his hand towards the mammal, Jaehyun waits for the monkey to take a bite—instead, it snatches the food right out of his hand with a deafening shriek, shocking him.
Startled to the core, Jaehyun hiccups and bursts into tears.
“Oh no, buddy—don’t cry!” His papa carries him, patting his back. But he’s inconsolable. Jaehyun wails, as his parents take him away, fat tears rolling down his cheeks.
“It’s mad at me! The monkey doesn’t like me!” Utterly betrayed by one of his favorite animals, Jaehyun continuously sobs on his papa’s shoulder.
Not even his papa bouncing him on his lap comforts him. He’s so traumatized, and he doesn’t think he could look at monkeys again. While his mama fans him, Jaehyun clings to his father and lets out more hiccups.
“M-maybe Mr. Monkey wants something else…”
“Mr. Monkey appreciates the food, buddy. That’s just how they are. It doesn’t mean they hate you.”
Jaehyun’s cries subside a bit as he looks around. “W where’s Yongie?” As soon as he asks, he sees Taeyong sprinting towards him. “Yongie, what’s that…?”
Taeyong gives him a polaroid. “Me and mama took a picture with the monkey! It’s not a bad monkey. Look, he has your banana.”
His best friend is calmly hugging the monkey in the picture. Taeyong looks too serious for a seven year-old but upon closer look, Jaehyun sees the tiniest hint of a smile on his pretty face. Comforted by the image, Jaehyun slides off his papa’s lap to hug his best friend tightly.
“No more crying! I’m giving you that picture so that when you look at monkeys, you will only be happy because…because they’re not really scary.”
Nodding, Jaehyun pulls away from the hug to keep the picture in his pocket and looks at his parents who were obviously taking pictures of them. “I need to give Taeyong a picture of me, too!”
His parents are like the genie, always making his wishes come true. They make him and Taeyong sit on the bench hugging each other, and take several pictures. Even better, because Jaehyun wants Taeyong to see how inseparable they are. The tear tracks on his face are quite a bummer, though.
Another five days of school pass by. Waiting for Taeyong to finish peeing, Jaehyun stands outside the washroom clutching his bag when Taeyong’s ex-squad comes over, led by Jihoon. Thinking they just want to know where Taeyong is, he points to the washroom. “He’s still inside—”
Jihoon cuts him off. “You should return him to us, he’s not yours!”
“W-what? He’s my friend, too. And I can’t return him because he’s not—he’s not like a toy! And you don’t own him!”
“We were his friends first until you came along and now he won’t play with us!”
Jaehyun pouts angrily. “That’s not my fault! Yongie likes playing with me so I won’t stop him. If you want to play with him again, just ask him. Why talk to me like this…”
The boy next to Jihoon makes a face. “He won’t since you keep him from joining us.”
“I don’t even talk to him about you—” Jaehyun winces as Jihoon pushes him against the wall. “Ouch! That hurts!” And as if reminding him about what Sungjin did before, the scar on his knee throbs. Jaehyun doesn’t want a repeat of going to the clinic, and Taeyong is not yet back to defend him, so he takes it upon himself to stand up and fight back. His parents won’t even let mosquitoes bite him so what makes Jihoon think he can lay a hand on Jaehyun? “Get away!”
He’s never been this angry before so Jaehyun has no idea how strong he could be with the rush of adrenaline. With all his might, he pushes Jihoon away from him. The boy hits the opposite wall quite hard, shocking Jaehyun with the sound it makes.
Jihoon’s scream is followed by a sob. As if to make things worse, Teacher Mina passes by and finds them,
asking what happened just as Taeyong comes out of the washroom with water dripping down his hands.
“He did it first!” Jaehyun says defensively, sidling up to his clueless best friend.
Teacher Mina helps Jihoon up and dismisses the other two students, checking Jihoon for any injury. When she doesn’t find anything, she tuts in annoyance and tells them to follow her to the principal’s office.
“We’re going to call your parents.”
Jaehyun pales.
**
Jaehyun, Taeyong and Jihoon face the principal with their mamas—except for Taeyong, who’s not really involved in the fight but begged to stay in support of Jaehyun, especially after he heard the full story.
Mrs. Jeong stands her ground. “My son will never instigate a fight, ma’am. He’s never hurt anyone even when we were still in the US. We strictly taught him good manners and right conduct. It must have been done to defend himself.”
“Well, is he hurt?” Jihoon’s mother rebuts, scowling. “He’s not, so what he did to my son is worse. You probably didn’t teach him enough manners to begin with.”
The principal sighs. “It’s just a children’s squabble. Let’s avoid turning this trivial matter into something it shouldn’t be. If they say they both got hurt, then the best
thing to do is to admit they’re wrong and apologize. Set a good example for your kids, please.”
Jaehyun is preparing to swallow his pride and say sorry when Taeyong speaks up, squeaky voice trembling from fury.
“But it’s true that they hurt Jaehyun first! Even on the second day, Sungjin pushed Jaehyun off the slide and I heard them say it’s because it was fun to pick on the new kid. And—and my friends just can’t accept that I want to play with Jaehyun more!” Taeyong’s fists quiver in his sides and Jaehyun tugs him closer, clinging. “If—if they don’t want to get hurt, then maybe they shouldn’t hurt other kids first! Jaehyun is nice to everyone, and only bad kids think he’s not. All of them must say sorry but not Jaehyun!”
The glare Taeyong sends Jihoon and his mother’s way makes him look older and bigger than his age, and quite frankly, a little scary. Jaehyun can easily picture his best friend throwing punches for him, and he hopes that never happens because as much as he likes it when Taeyong shields him, Taeyong might hurt himself too.
Now, Taeyong is indeed the popular kid in school. Even the mothers of other students have heard about him at least once. Intelligent, talented, and studious, Taeyong can do no wrong in the eyes of the principal.
Because of his honest reputation, the principal ends up listening to his opinion and promises to talk to Sungjin tomorrow. In the end, Jihoon says sorry as reluctantly as his mom.
Jaehyun and Taeyong stand outside the office while they wait for Mrs. Jeong to finish talking to the principal. “What if they hate you now because you protected me again…?”
“I dun’ care.” Taeyong kicks the pebble and levels him with a look much too stern for a kid like him. “As long as I have you, it’s okay to lose them.”
The door opens behind them and out comes Jaehyun’s mom, leading them to the courtyard.
“Mrs. Jeong, can I sleep at your house again?”
Jaehyun looks at his best friend, and then at his mother. They didn’t talk about this.
“I just want to hug Jaehyunie to sleep.”
**
As the clock strikes 12, Jaehyun and Taeyong quietly slips out of the bed and wears their house slippers, tip toeing out of the bedroom with a single Pooh flashlight for an impromptu ghost hunting.
Taeyong clings to Jaehyun, whispering. “Where are we going…?”
“To the backyard. Are you sure you wanna see a ghost? You’re shaking.”
“I’m not!”
“Shhh! If you say so. This is your idea…” Slapping the flashlight as it flickers, Jaehyun points it to their path. It doesn’t do much. Carefully opening the back door, they
sneak outside and enter the vast, empty yard. “There’s just a lot of plants and trees here…”
The wind howls, leaving an ominous echo in its wake.
“W-what’s that!”
Jaehyun points the dull flashlight where Taeyong is pointing, giggling. “It’s just a paper cup!” He takes it and scurries to the trash can, grunting as he stands on the tip of his toes. Why are trash cans so tall anyway? “There—” Taeyong screams again. “What is it?!”
Shakily, his best friend raises a finger and points towards the bust next to the trash bin. “It blinked!”
“It didn’t! It’s a sculpture!”
“A—a scatchur?”
“Sculpture!”
Taeyong vehemently shakes his head. “I don’t know what that is…”
“It’s a bust!”
“What’s a bust?”
Jaehyun grumbles in frustration, jumping back when the door swings open. “Mama!”
The woman puts her hands on her hips, squinting at them. “Kids! What are you doing outside?”
“Um…we’re ghost hunting…”
“There are no ghosts here, Jaehyun. We had this house blessed by a priest before we moved in, remember? Tsk. If you leave your room again, I won’t let Taeyong have another sleepover.”
That sounds like a nightmare. “Sorry, mama! We won’t do it again!” Panicking, Jaehyun grabs Taeyong’s hand and pulls him back inside the house.
“Sorry, Mrs. Jeong. I just wanted to go see a ghost because I thought I’d stop getting scared then…”
“Fine, fine. What are you two gonna do if there’s a burglar and they take you? Don’t be stubborn and go to sleep.”
They are escorted back to Jaehyun’s bedroom and finally left alone with one last reminder. Lip jutting out in guilt, Jaehyun puts his flashlight back into the drawer and climbs the bed with Taeyong. A few seconds pass as they stare at each other in silence before the quietness is filled with soft, mischievous giggles. “That was close!”
Taeyong bunches the covers in his hands. “Maybe your house really doesn’t have any bad spirits. My mama said there’s a spirit in our bathroom so I always pee before sleeping.”
“What are you gonna do if you wake up later and there’s a ghost in my room?”
“Hmm, I’ll try not to get too scared, but…but if they see I’m friends with Casper, they won’t hurt me.”
“Right! Jaehyunie will protect you from bad ghosties.”
Settling under the covers wrapped in each other’s arms, they fall into a restful sleep knowing they’re each other’s hero.
“Wait!” Taking the last candy bar from the fridge, Jaehyun runs to his best friend to give the treat. “Don’t eat this all at once because your teeth will hurt. You already lost one tooth. Everything might fall out!”
Taeyong sticks his tongue out and waves at him as he gets into the car. Until it disappears from his sight, Jaehyun stands by the door, and only closes it once he can’t see Taeyong anymore.
Right then, his papa enters from the backyard with a rag in hand, as his mama disappears into the bathroom. Jaehyun scurries to him timidly, hands on his back. “Papa, I have a question…”
“Yeah?”
His brows pinch in the middle. “How—how did you and mama fall in love? Did you do something for her to like you too?”
His father quizzically looks at him, sitting on the chair. “Who said it was me who pursued mama and not the other way around?” Seeing his perplexed reaction, his papa laughs and puts him on the table. “I don’t know what got
you so curious to ask, but you must know that girls can go after boys, too.”
“What about boys going after boys?”
“That too. And girls after girls. And the act of pursuing someone you like is called courting.”
Courting, huh. It only sounds a little complicated at first because he doesn’t know what happens in a courtship, but when his father starts recalling the things he did to win over Jaehyun’s mom, Jaehyun listens attentively to the lesson, eyes gleaming as he learns about the things he can do to court the love of his life.
**
That’s how he starts courting Taeyong. Having no money at all, not even a cent to take Taeyong to McDonalds, he just gives his packed food to the other boy. It might not show his real intentions because they already share their food to each other everyday so the next time Taeyong sleeps over, Jaehyun gives away one of his Pooh plushies.
His papa mentioned that he’d given his wife a lot of meaningful gifts, and since Pooh is very important to Jaehyun, he hopes it conveys how significant Taeyong is in his life to the point of letting one of his soft toys go. Knowing that Taeyong will love it as much as he did, Jaehyun is relieved.
On the next several days, he gives Taeyong an assortment of items: a new pencil sharpened by Jaehyun himself, a fruit-scented eraser, a fresh rim of pad paper, a pack of his favorite marshmallow brand, and even a button
of his uniform that came off during playtime. Jaehyun is a broke kid, but it’s the thought that counts. That’s what his papa said.
Another thing that his father brought up is how being supportive towards her interest is what his mama likes best. So when the school’s foundation day comes, Jaehyun makes sure to sit at the front row raising a banner that he and his mama made to cheer for Taeyong during his singing performance. His pretty best friend looks so nervous it made Jaehyun want to go to the stage and hug him, but Taeyong finishes the song without a hitch and Jaehyun wildly waves the banner, earning himself a cheeky smile from Taeyong when the latter receives his 2nd place award.
Despite all that, it frustrates Jaehyun when he remembers that he’s still so young and it will take a while for him to have the means to get money and give Taeyong better gifts.
**
Lounging under the shade of the tree with Taeyong, Jaehyun catches a grasshopper and gives it to the other boy. “For you!”
Taeyong cups his hands and inspects it closely in total amazement.
“Do they live long after you bring them home?”
“Mm! I put them in this clear, big box. It has a name, mama said it once, but it’s hard to pronounce.”
Jaehyun watches Taeyong play with the grasshopper, heart drumming in its cage when the grasshopper climbs Taeyong’s arm and pulls an angelic laughter out of him.
His mouth runs before his brain could filter the words. “You’re so pretty!”
“What?”
Hugging his knees, Jaehyun blushes furiously. “I said you’re so pretty. Have you watched Snow White before? If you ask a mirror who the prettiest in the world is, it will show you!”
Taeyong blinks in confusion. “But it’s a mirror.”
“It will show you doing something else! As an answer because it can’t talk. Y-you’re even cuter than the girls in our class…”
Silence envelopes them as Taeyong processes the compliment, losing the grasshopper. “I don’t get it.”
“Okay.” Jaehyun buries half of his face into his arm. “Yongie, do you not miss your other friends?”
“I only like Jaehyunie.”
His heart skips a few beats. “…Can I kiss your cheek?”
Taeyong tilts his head, still unable to grasp his wishes. “But we’re not sleeping so it won’t chase the nightmares away.”
“It will! It’s an early goodnight kiss from me because you’re not sleeping at our house.”
“…Okay.”
Receiving the permission, Jaehyun leans in and presses his lips gently on Taeyong’s hot cheek, falling on his butt when Taeyong suddenly springs up. “Wha—?”
“My mama’s here now! Bye, Jaehyunie! See you!” Picking up his bag, Taeyong meets his mother halfway at the gates.
Jaehyun watches as Mrs. Lee takes Taeyong’s bag. He thinks that’s it, they’re going to leave now, but she lifts his head and looks at him with a smile, winking.
She saw what he did, didn’t she? The fire on Jaehyun’s face fans over the rest of him as she motions zipping her mouth close, promising to keep this a secret.
Winter is not Jaehyun’s favorite season but he loves the snow. His family spends this year’s winter with Taeyong and his mama at the Yongpyong Ski Resort. And for the sole reason that Taeyong is there, bundled up in thick layers looking like a burrito, this season might just dethrone spring.
To be safe, children have their own section in the resort where they can sled away from skiing and snowboarding adults.
When they reach the bottom of the slope, Jaehyun gets off the sled and wipes the snow from his face with his gloved hands, giggling as Taeyong whines at the mess on his own face. “The snow likes you!”
“It doesn’t!” Brushing the snow off of him, Taeyong steps out of the sled and drops the rein. “Can we sit down first? I’m tired of sledding…”
Taking advantage of their exhaustion, their parents then take them to the lounge area at the top of the slope where they can play with the other kids, attended by a staff. There is also a quaint cafeteria where they can eat if they get hungry and the bill goes straight to the final payment once they check out of the cabins.
Jaehyun kneels on the snow and puts his hot choco on the wooden bench. “Do you wanna build a snowman?”
Taeyong giggles, joining him on the snowy ground. “Okay, Anna!”
They gather snow and pat it repeatedly until they form the balls. His papa’s words echo in his mind, and Jaehyun proceeds to build two little snowmen with the hot choco stirrer serving as their arms. “Tadah! Guess who these are.”
“Two Olafs?”
“Nope.”
“Your mama and papa?”
“Noooo, guess harder! Tsk. It’s us! This is you and this is me.”
Taeyong pouts as he pokes his snowman. “Why am I smaller? I’m as tall as you. I just look small because I’m thinner.”
“And this smaller snowman is prettier, see? It has eyes.” Jaehyun presses the pebbles deeper into the snow to keep them from falling. “I got them in our room. My snowman doesn’t even have eyes so you’re special. If I have all the—all the materials, I’ll turn my snowman into an astronaut.”
“Why?”
“I want to be an astronaut when I grow up!”
A group of kids throw snowballs at each other nearby, their laughter ringing in the freezing air.
“Don’t astronauts go to the sky?”
“To the space! They visit the moon. When I become an astronaut, you should look at the moon because I’ll be looking back at you, Yongie. So that—so that even if we’re far away from each other, it feels like we’re still together.” Jaehyun blames the heat on his cheek on the belated effect of his hot choco. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Taeyong shrugs, patting his lone snowman. “I dunno. I’m just 7! I don’t think about that. Mama said I can be whatever I want and I don’t have to think about it yet because I might change my mind later. You might not want to be an astronaut when you grow up…”
“I know what I want. Even though I’m still small, I already know that I want to be an astronaut.”
And even if Jaehyun changes his mind about most of his childhood dreams, one thing is for sure: whatever future he may have, Taeyong will always be a part of it.
“And we’ll still be friends even if we’re like 10 or 20 or 30 and 100! Because I like you so much.”
Taeyong grins and remodels his distorted snowman. They’re content doing just that, creating a line of snowmen on the bench while they sip their hot choco, until a kid comes over and asks Jaehyun to play with them.
“What are you playing?” Jaehyun looks towards the group of kids and realizes that they were the ones who’d been tossing snowballs at each other. “Can my best friend join?”
“Not really. We only need one more player. It’s by partner. Come on!”
Jaehyun gets on his feet and grins at Taeyong. “I’ll be back,” he promises, and joins the kids in their snowball fight.
He’d missed having this many playmates, so much that Taeyong slips out of his mind as he gets into the game. Jaehyun is already gearing up for the next round when he sees Taeyong thrash their snowmen. Worried about his friend, he leaves the other kids and runs back to Taeyong.
“Why did you do that?”
“Because I’m bored.”
“But we made the snowmen.”
“Who cares? It’s just snowmen.” Taeyong crosses his arms petulantly, lips trembling. “Go back to your new friends.”
Something’s not right. Jaehyun sits with him, toeing one of the fallen snowmen. “What’s wrong…?”
He receives no response for a bit, and then Taeyong rubs his eyes with a sniffle.
“I dun’ like that you’re playing with other kids! You forgot about me! Y-you didn’t even look my way even— even after I called you three times!”
Taeyong cries for the first time since Jaehyun has known him.
Needless to say, Jaehyun doesn’t like it. Everything Taeyong does makes him happy but never this. His best friend is always tough, so to see him sobbing because of Jaehyun breaks Jaehyun’s heart into pieces.
Then because it’s his fault that Taeyong is crying, Jaehyun wails too, hating himself for making Taeyong sad. The adults come to them in alarm, asking where their parents are, but both boys ignore the unwanted attention as they cry their hearts out. Jaehyun hugs Taeyong, and weeps even louder when Taeyong hugs him back.
“Sorry, Yongie! I won’t leave you again! I won’t—I won’t forget you! How could you say that!”
“P-promise me you won’t find a better friend…?”
Jaehyun nods, linking their gloved pinkies. “Promise!”
That’s how their parents find them, crying together and refusing to be pulled apart. Though he’s been forgiven, Jaehyun won’t be so nice to himself for being the cause of Taeyong’s tears. This will be the first and last time.
New Year is a fleeting affair like Christmas, and before Jaehyun realizes it, it’s already February 14.
Aside from him, Taeyong is the only other kid in his party. Grownups—friends and colleagues of his parents, including Taeyong’s mother are why their house is even noisy. His previous birthday party was rowdy as he had so many same-age friends and their foreign neighbors were just as boisterous, but this one has dramatically mellowed down. In spite of that, Jaehyun is happy.
The adults surround him and Taeyong at the table when it’s time to sing him the happy birthday song. Taeyong only claps, too shy to sing loudly and Jaehyun thinks it’s very endearing.
“Happy birthday dear Jaehyunie, happy birthday to you!”
“Make a wish, bub,” his mother encourages him, recording with her phone.
Jaehyun closes his eyes. He takes his sweet time making a wish—a litany of wishes, actually, before finally blowing the candle.
His spotlight dims after that. They can’t relate to the innumerable conversations the adults are having so Jaehyun calls Taeyong to his bedroom for a private tea party with the Poohs.
Sitting on the floor in a big circle, Jaehyun pours juice into his and Taeyong’s sippy cups. “Don’t let the Poohs know it’s not tea.”
Taeyong’s nose scrunches. “They won’t drink it anyway.”
“Shh! They want to. Just press the straw to their mouths. As long as you don’t tell them what it is, they’re going to drink the tea, ” stressing on the word, Jaehyun nods at his best friend. “That’s the rule.”
Listening to his nonsense, Taeyong picks up his sippy cup and lets the stuffed toys near him ‘drink’ the juice. “Do you also want cake?”
“Poohs don’t eat cake. They want honey, but we don’t have honey right now so they can just drink the tea. It’s a tea party, Yongie. Not a cake party.”
Taeyong ignores his smartass, opening his backpack to fish out a wrapped gift. “Happy birthday!”
Jaehyun almost spills the juice as he puts his cup down to take the present from Taeyong. “What’s this?” Without waiting for a response, he carefully unwraps it and
squeals as he holds the crocheted doll over his head. It’s a boy that has the same bowl cut as him, wearing Pooh’s iconic red shirt. “Is it me?! Who made this?”
“My mama! My hands are very clumsy so I didn’t help her make that, but I helped bake the brownies we gave your mama…”
Hugging the crocheted doll, Jaehyun gives it a kiss on the head. “It’s the best gift, Yongie. When your birthday comes, I’ll give you a Yongie doll with Sponge Bob’s pants, too.”
“’Mkay. What did you wish…?”
“Hmm, a lot of things. Like…like my parents being healthy and happy, and me having more fun birthdays with you. You not getting sick and not having nightmares, and for ghosts not to hurt you! And I also wished that we’ll be together forever.” He caresses the doll’s head, cradling it like an infant. “Because…because aside from mama and papa, Jaehyunie likes Yongie the most…”
Whatever reaction Jaehyun is expecting from Taeyong, it’s certainly not the way Taeyong looks down and draws patterns on the floor as his red blotches his cheeks.
Before they could resume the tea party, Jaehyun’s papa calls him downstairs to sing a song for the guests, bragging about his vocal prowess. Jaehyun is not that incredible, but his father claims to be the biggest fan of his singing.
“Right now…?”
“If it’s okay?”
Not seeing any problem with it, Jaehyun stands before them and steals a glance at a curious Taeyong. He’s obviously unprepared, so he just sings the song his mama would sing mindlessly while doing the laundry.
“I lie awake at night….
Seeing things in black and white
I’ve only got you inside my mind
You know you have made me blind…”
Impressed by his fluency in the language, the adults cheer for him. Jaehyun is tempted to pause and tell them it wouldn’t be possible if not for living in the US for years, but he moves on despite his pitchy tone, burning from embarrassment when he reaches the chorus.
“Oh my pretty, pretty boy I love you
Like I never ever loved no one before you
Pretty, pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too…”
Fortunately he forgets the following verse so he finds an excuse to run away from the center of attention, ignoring their teasing laughter. Feeling like he’d melt from how hot he feels, Jaehyun hides at the veranda to get some cool air, gripping the hem of his shirt.
He doesn’t notice that Taeyong has tailed him. “Why did you run away?”
“Because they were all looking at me.” Sitting down, he inserts his legs into the gaps of the railing and lets his feet
dangle. Not a second later Taeyong does the same, accompanying him.
“What’s that song?”
“Pretty Boy…”
“I didn’t understand a word…”
“Ask your mama to listen to it.” Jaehyun chews on his lip, wondering how he’d grown an extra heart in his throat. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Yongie…”
Taeyong greets him back, smiling so hard his single dimple pops out.
It’s now or never.
“Um…I like you, Yongie.”
“Me too!”
Jaehyun shakes his head, coconut bangs moving with the action. “No! I mean, I have a crush on you. Because you’re really nice to me and you’re so cute. D-do you know what boyfriends are?”
His best friend blinks, baffled.
Frustration takes hold of Jaehyun. He himself doesn’t fully understand what being boyfriends would entail, only that he wishes to hold Taeyong’s hand a lot and kiss his cheeks whenever he wants. “It’s when…it’s when
you like someone and wants to be with them forever. Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
If anything, Taeyong only gets more confused. “Sorry, I really don’t get it. How is it any different from being best friends? Why is there another name?”
“…So you don’t wanna?” If pain could be visualized, it’s Taeyong shaking his head. Jaehyun sniffles as he feels his hearts—the one in his chest and its twin in his throat—shatter miserably. Jaehyun only knows so much in his age so he can’t compare the feeling to anything, but he’s 100% sure he doesn’t want to feel it ever again.
“Okay. I’ll just keep courting you until you agree to be my boyfriend! Even if it takes me a long time! Can I hold your hand?” At least, Taeyong doesn’t deny him that. Their heads touch as they look up at the cloudy sky, missing the sun’s presence. “It’s still the best birthday ever, Yongie…”
Taeyong stares into space as he and his mother come home.
“Honey, what’s the matter?”
Should he tell his mama what happened? If not, he’s never going to find the answer to his many questions. “Please don’t tell Jaehyunie that I told you…”
His mother kneels before him, holding his hands. “Okay, I promise. What is it?”
“…He said he likes me and asked to be boyfriends.” Just saying the word makes Taeyong blush like crazy.
“Oh,” his mama chuckles, patting his hands. “Does he have a crush on you? That’s so cute. But why the long face?”
“Because I don’t understand, mama. Why did he call it boyfriends? We’re already best friends if he wants to be together forever.”
His mother finally understands his dilemma and pins him with a look that says she’s taking this seriously but not so much that she’s worried. “Hm, not sure if Jaehyun completely understands what he asked of you, but just so you know, it’s normal to have crushes. For kids as young as you, it’s more like a puppy crush. An admiration.”
“’Mkay. Then…then should I have said yes? He seemed really sad when I said no…”
“How do I explain this to you…?” His mother sits with him on the couch, pulling him in a side-hug. “Being boyfriends is serious business, honey. You form a very intimate and personal connection with each other. And that’s speaking in a romantic sense. You’re just kids. Romance has no room in your lives at the moment. All you need to be is a child and play with your friends, that’s all.
“You stood up for Jaehyun when he got bullied in school so it’s possible that may be infatuated, just like the other kids when they get their first crushes and think that person is the one for them. And Jaehyun probably fixates on that because you’re his only friend, as far as we know.”
A twinge of sadness emanates in Taeyong. “Then he’s going to stop liking me if he makes new friends?”
“Not at all, baby. Here—Jaehyun’s feelings are valid, no matter what it is. As you grow older, and form a deeper bond, his feelings may grow tenfold and will hold more weight. I’ve heard stories of childhood sweethearts marrying each other. But while it could be true that Jaehyun really has those kinds of feelings for you, as rare as it is, he might forget about it as the years go by. He may realize that he simply admires your character and will ask somebody else to be his boyfriend, or girlfriend. A lot of things will change, and you two might even go your separate ways.”
Taeyong’s grip on the hem of his shirt tightens.
“Do you understand what I’m saying? It’s okay if you don’t, honey. Even grownups have difficulties figuring things out when it comes to relationships. Phew!” His mother sighs, chuckling. “I wasn’t prepared for this talk, baby. I thought we’d do this when you become a teenager! You’re only 7, Taeyong. Don’t grow up too fast.”
Promising to remain tiny for a few more years, Taeyong lets his mama kiss his face before heading to his bedroom, grabbing a pencil and a paper – both given by
Jaehyun. Today he will write down his thoughts, and add more when he gets more articulate and eloquent.
In 10 years or so, he will give this letter to Jaehyun.
“Hey, Jaehyun! Wanna hang out with us? We’re heading to the arcade.”
Jaehyun shoves his books inside the locker, giving his friends a charming albeit apologetic grin. “Maybe next time. Gotta prepare for my report next week.”
“But that’s next week! You’ve got six days in between.”
“Can’t risk it,” he says, closing his locker and waving at them before heading to the opposite direction, passing through a throng of students in bright yellow uniforms. It’s a coincidence that SOPA’s color is his all-time favorite which convinced him more to choose it over Hanlim.
It’s been 4 years. A couple more months and he’s about to receive the acceptance letters from the universities he applied in.
Two or three students stop to say hi. He’s got a lot of friends now, coming from his own class and the lower year levels courtesy of many club and organization meetings. Throughout middle school and high school, he’d gained an army of them that he eventually found his own circle, a group of people he shares the exact same interests with.
But no matter how many people come to his life, Jaehyun’s best friend will always be the same.
Though a vocal major, Jaehyun never neglects his academic classes. Branded a nerd, he’s the total opposite of Taeyong who’s still The Popular Guy from class 4-C who sleeps more than he listens to teachers yet always miraculously aces his tests. They’re in different classes and thus only meet during breaks or dismissal. And because today’s last class is over, it’s time for Jaehyun to hunt Taeyong down so they can go home.
Taeyong isn’t in his classroom anymore so Jaehyun heads to the studio. But the people inside aren’t his best friend’s crew, which prompts him to target the field. Taeyong has never found love in singing despite participating in the yearly programs of the school. He’s a dance major, and Jaehyun will be damned if he doesn’t admit that it only uncorked Taeyong’s unlimited supply of charisma.
Being the leader of his own crew, Taeyong just accumulated more admirers and even without asking, Jaehyun can tell that those girls and boys lumped in groups at the field are just watching his best friend.
His pace slows down as he looks at Taeyong who’s gesticulating to emphasize whatever he’s discussing to the crew.
Just like him, Taeyong has grown up in more ways than one. Mentally, emotionally, physically. He’s only gotten even prettier, if Jaehyun will be honest. Too pretty and handsome for his own good. Like a lethal injection set to put Jaehyun to cardiac arrest. He’s got that mysterious air around him that a lot of girls like. While Jaehyun is still soft in the edges, Taeyong is all hard lines. His jaw could cut diamonds and his eyes are sharper than ever, so intense that sometimes, staring back at him suffocates Jaehyun. Although most of the time they’re tender and fond and affectionate—but only when Jaehyun sees his own reflection in those big eyes.
It doesn’t mean he breathes easier when Taeyong’s attention is on him.
His crush never dwindled. Rather, it burgeoned, and amplified uncontrollably. Pretty sure Jaehyun is in love with him. However, up until now, he still doesn’t know what Taeyong thinks about it. Sure, Jaehyun swore to keep courting him, but when he matured and got a better understanding about respecting people’s boundaries, he stopped. His mom said he could be unknowingly making Taeyong uncomfortable and that’s the last thing he would want to do.
It’s been 10 years and Jaehyun never asked that question again. Perhaps Taeyong has already forgotten, but Jaehyun never will.
Taeyong’s whole disposition alters when he sees Jaehyun, smiling as though he’d been declared a champion. Perfunctorily he bids goodbye to his crew and jogs to meet him halfway, grasping Jaehyun’s wrist. “Ready to go?”
His best friend wears braces. It reminds Jaehyun of those days when Yongie would proudly flash his incomplete set of teeth. “Are YOU ready to go? I’ve been here for the past five minutes. What were you doing?”
“We just talked about the choreography. The studio’s booked so we couldn’t meet there. Did you look for me there, Hyunie? Anyway, my fishes need food. Let’s drop by the store first, yeah? And it’s mom’s birthday so you need to have dinner with us.”
“Shit—I forgot her present at home—”
“Don’t worry about that! You’ll sleep over at mine tomorrow so just bring it with you.”
Jaehyun raises a brow as Taeyong steers him out of the field with an arm slung around his shoulders. Secretly, he loves the proximity. “Who said so?”
His best friend smirks. “You’re going to turn me down?”
No. Never.
**
After apologizing to Mrs. Lee about forgetting her present, Jaehyun follows Taeyong in the latter’s bedroom. They already outgrew their childhood obsessions although Jaehyun retained a few Poohs. The rest of them he donated to less fortunate children. It was a difficult decision for him but he knew those kids are going to love his Poohs, too.
Taeyong’s room is relatively darker than his, and the only incongruent detail about it is the portrait of SpongeBob that Jaehyun gifted to him. Next to it are the framed pictures of them at the zoo, when Jaehyun cried because of the monkey, during Jaehyun’s 8th birthday when their parents found them hugging at the veranda, of Jaehyun giving Taeyong a piggyback.
It’s a whole gallery over Taeyong’s nightstand. A lot of the pictures document every important point of their lives per year, and their prominent similarity being Jaehyun and Taeyong side by side, barely an inch between them.
“Here. Wanna feed them? Just sprinkle a bit. They can’t overeat.”
Jaehyun takes the scoop from Taeyong and feeds his best friend’s pets, watching the pellet sink into the water in the rectangular aquarium. “When did you last feed them? They’re starving.”
“They’re not. I fed them twice yesterday. Most fish require 16 to 24 hours to fully digest their food.”
The pellets quickly vanish as the fishes inhale them in seconds. Jaehyun giggles, glancing at his best friend while the other busily rummages through his bag and sneaks another scoops of pellet, when his gaze drifts to the red envelope squeezed into the back of Taeyong’s books on the study desk.
To: Jaehyun, it says. Did one of his mails get lost and somehow find their way to Taeyong’s address? The universities aren’t expected to send out the letters, yet. Moreover, calling him by his first seems a bit unprofessional—and handwritten with a pencil?
He picks it up and tears it open.
It’s not what he expects.
(last edited and rephrased on 23/03/2014)
“Jaehyun, you’re my best friend. You came to our school very late and the other kids didn’t like you. I hated them because of that, but I was also glad because I got to be the only one to play with you. We became really close—we shared food, studied and played together, and I loved sleeping at your house. Your bed smelled wonderful. You protected me from ghosts, and kissed away my bad dreams. I liked you because you were so nice and so cute. I thought we were going to be friends for a long time.
But on your 8 th birthday, you told me something that rocked my world ever since. You wanted to be boyfriends. Because I didn’t know what that meant, I said no. And you were so sad that it made me hate myself a little. I want to be with you forever, but I didn’t understand why some things had to change.
Mom explained it to me. When I first wrote this letter, my head was a mess of sorts. Messier than that time my mom mistakenly mixed the colored fabrics with whites. I knew I liked you, but I didn’t fully comprehend the gravity of it. We were kids, Jaehyun. What were kids even meant to do? How sure were you that you liked me so much you’d bind yourself to me in a way that should we crash, we’d be irreparable? You are too precious to me. We are too precious to me.
As I grew older, I slowly gained knowledge and I felt scared of what you asked of me. Our friendship is as dear as my own life. To risk it all for a yes that held not much of a value could be the greatest mistake I’d ever commit.
But today, as I edit this letter for the hundredth time, as I finally grasp my own thoughts and feelings, I can finally give you an answer.
Jaehyun, if you only asked me that question today, I would say yes. Yes, a thousand times over. It will be you for me. It will always be you. Only you.
Our future could change overnight, but you will always be my constant.”
Jaehyun is going to die from extreme palpitation, he’s sure of it.
Taeyong is already looking at him when he lifts his gaze.
“When—”
A sudden kiss on his lips takes him by surprise. Jaehyun lets out a surprised squeak as Taeyong cups his cheeks, pressing their mouths more firmly. He’s just about to pass out when Taeyong pulls away, eyes wide with anticipation.
“Do you still like me?”
Is he mad? Jaehyun has made it his mission to love Taeyong for all of his life! “I might—I might even be in love with you…”
He gets a smile so bright it blinds him. Taeyong laughs and rests his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, hands sliding down Jaehyun’s arms. “Good. Because I love you too. Sorry it took some time, but I had to make sure none of us would get hurt. Mom said if we so much as took the wrong step, it could sting like a bitch.”
Taeyong cursing triggers an electrifying surge through Jaehyun’s body. Containing whatever new emotion that has just been unlocked within him, Jaehyun clutches the sides of Taeyong’s uniform. “S-so do you wanna be my boyfriend now…?”
“You read the letter, didn’t you?” Taeyong looks at him, thumbing his flushed cheeks. “If the kiss isn’t clear enough, I could do what you used to do. I could court you.”
“N-no need! Yes! Let’s be boyfriends!”
“Sure—though, wait a second. I got something for you.” Breaking away from the hug, Taeyong opens his jar
of origami and fishes out three paper flowers, handing them to him. “To mark our first day as boyfriends! Pretty flowers for a pretty boy.”
Jaehyun takes them and counts the petals, a smile forming on his face as he drags Taeyong in for a loving embrace.
Nine petals each.
Taeyong loves him back —and that’s how it should always be.