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Beomgyu opens the door not a second after Taehyun knocks. He’s disheveled and clearly in the middle of something. But, he still greets Taehyun with a bright, albeit confused, smile.
Maybe Taehyun should have texted ahead.
“Hey.” Beomgyu moves out of the way of the door to beckon Taehyun inside. “What brings you by?”
Between having two of his closest friends living in the apartment and said apartment being near his own department building, Taehyun stops by a lot. Plus, Yeonjun and Beomgyu have the best TV out of their friend group: perfect for group movie nights.
“Finished classes and I thought we could hang out.”
Maybe Taehyun has other reasons for popping by unannounced. Midterms just finished and it feels like he hasn’t seen Beomgyu in weeks, even if it’s really only been one. Even then, he misses hanging out without the stress of school hanging over them. Cafe study sessions and crying in the group chat can only get him so far.
But the look on Beomgyu’s face tells him he chose a bad time.
“Oh,” He gives a sheepish smile before worrying his lip. “I’d love to, but I have a date in about…” Beomgyu pulls out his phone. “Fifteen minutes.”
A date. That possibility hadn’t crossed Taehyun’s mind when he hurriedly packed up his stuff and set out to Beomgyu’s apartment as soon as his Friday afternoon class wrapped up. He supposes it makes sense though, midterms are over and Beomgyu likes to keep himself busy. It’s not like his social life centers around quiet at-home hang outs with friends like Taehyun’s does.
“But we can hang out while I get ready? And Yeonjun hyung should be back soon, if you want to wait up for him…”
Beomgyu pulls his shirt over his head as he rambles on the way to his bedroom. Taehyun follows without thinking, his eyes locked into the planes of his hyung’s back and the way his shoulder blades protrude when he flings the shirt on his bed. He’s always thought Beomgyu’s muscles were nice. The lean way they define him without being overly muscular contrasts the broad width of his shoulders, a feature Taehyun has always been a little envious of.
“... No guarantees he won’t have Soobin with him, though. They haven’t met up much over midterms, and I have had to hear entirely too much about what Yeonjun plans to do to him once they’re free…”
It probably is a little weird to stare at Beomgyu shirtless, even if they’ve seen each other in all states of undress multiple times over the time they’ve been friends. There’s a difference between being comfortable with someone and ogling them, and Taehyun does his best to not cross that line. It’s Beomgyu for goodness sake. To distract himself, he makes himself comfortable on Beomgyu’s bed. Well, as comfortable as he can. The shirt Beomgyu just threw on it only adds to the already collecting pile of shirts and sweater vests that apparently weren’t up to par. He finds a clear patch and settles in while Beomgyu gets to work sifting through his closet.
This is a different side of Beomgyu: the side that puts so much thought into his outfits. Taehyun knows Beomgyu has the potential to be a sharp dresser, but most of the time his hyung settles for sweats and a tucked in t-shirt because, in Beomgyu’s opinion, sleep is more valuable than looking put together for a 9am class. If Beomgyu’s putting in all this effort, he must be pretty excited. Something unpleasant stirs in his gut at that realization, but he chalks it up to the fact that his Friday night plan is ruined. Beomgyu will be out on a date, flirting and having fun, while he’ll most likely return to his dorm and watch nature documentaries until his eyes fall shut. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow night.
Beomgyu pulls another button up shirt from his closet and moves to hold it up in front of his bare chest in the mirror. He considers it for a moment before tugging the shirt over his head and nodding in approval.
“Who are you going out with?” Taehyun can’t help but ask.
“Park Sunghoon.” Beomgyu shrugs as they meet eyes in the mirror. Taehyun catches the way he leaves the top two buttons undone on the shirt to leave just enough skin to tease. “Do you know him? I think he’s in your year.”
“I’ve seen him around. How’d you meet him?” Taehyun can make out a face, but he doesn’t know much else about the guy.
“He’s friends with Heeseung.” Beomgyu provides, easily. “We met a couple times in passing, and he asked for my number. Not like I have anyone else waiting in the wings, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to flirt back a little.”
Beomgyu gives a sad, half smile. Even then, Taehyun knows that’s not true. Beomgyu’s got plenty of people who are into him, Sunghoon’s just one the few confident enough to ask him out. With his quick wit and ease in most social situations, Beomgyu is more popular around campus than he realizes. But, Taehyun supposes, his obliviousness to that fact only adds to his charm.
“Do you like him?” Taehyun asks. Beomgyu’s never brought Sunghoon up before, so this whole date thing is still throwing him for a bit of a loop.
“I don’t know him well enough to like him yet,” Beomgyu answers honestly before turning to Taehyun to wink. “But he’s hot, at least.”
Taehyun responds with a laugh. It’s such a Beomgyu thing to say – very honest and with little filter. Beomgyu rarely gets lost in daydreamy notions about dating and hooking up, he just rolls with the opportunities that spring up while openly enjoying himself. Meanwhile, Taehyun always thinks things through and wants everything to be done right, sometimes to the point of overthinking each move. A part of him wishes he could just throw himself into situations the way Beomgyu so easily does.
Beomgyu is busy looking himself over in the mirror, adjusting his hair back into place after multiple wardrobe changes, before he speaks again.
“Could you hand me those jeans behind you?”
Taehyun complies, guessing correctly the pair Beomgyu was referring to, and passes them off to Beomgyu before rolling onto his stomach to continue watching Beomgyu get ready.
“You smell good.” He observes after Beomgyu pulls away and begins to pull off his sweatpants. It’s a familiar scent, light and musky, but fresher than usual in the air around Beomgyu.
“Not too heavy?” Beomgyu checks before giving himself a quick sniff. He looks a little silly, standing there in his boxers and a dress shirt, sniffing himself.
Taehyun’s lips curl in consideration for a moment before responding, “No, just right.”
“Good.” Beomgyu beams, and it’s a little disarming how his eyes light up at Taehyun’s compliment. “I’m trusting you, you know. Can’t have Sunghoon going around telling people I tried to fumigate him or something with my cologne.”
“I’m sure he won’t, hyung.” Taehyun returns the smile. Their eyes catch for just a moment longer than usual, something shifting in Beomgyu’s smile, before the elder breaks eye contact. Odd, but Taehyun shrugs it off.
Beomgyu then makes quick work of pulling on the jeans and tucking his shirt into them. It’s a good fit, Taehyun thinks; not too tight but enough to show off the lines of his waist and backside, a far cry from his usual Adidas sweats.
“Alright, how do I look?”
Beomgyu makes a scene of twirling just to earn Taehyun’s clap of approval. He likes showing off, getting attention, and Taehyun is always more than happy to indulge him. Taehyun is rewarded with a happy smile and progressively more ridiculous poses from Beomgyu. This is exactly what he had been looking forward to all day: hanging out with Beomgyu, laughing, and not worrying about anything else. Beomgyu has that charm about him, and it’s all too easy to fall into his world.
However, it’s when he starts to wiggle his ass in Taehyun’s direction and giggle that something shifts for Taehyun. He doesn’t know why, but there’s something different about it this time. No longer is this just playful showing off. His eyes focus intensely on the sight, and before he knows it, he’s transfixed.
Of course Beomgyu is hot. Anyone with eyes would know that. But right now the realization is hitting differently, like suddenly Taehyun’s world tilts a little with the weight of it. He’s always been checking Beomgyu out, he’s always appreciated looking at him to some extent, and now, after this moment, occasional glances aren’t going to be enough. He’s let his mind wander too far, past hot friend territory, and he may never recover.
Sure, it’s rare that so many thoughts can be inspired by a single ass wiggle. But there’s a lot more than just the suggestively playful dancing under the surface. Maybe that scares Taehyun the most. Beomgyu is about to go on a date, and Taehyun’s sitting on his bed suddenly lusting after him. That’s decidedly not what a good friend should be doing.
He needs to get out of here. He abruptly rises from the bed.
“Hyun-ah, you okay?”
“I… I should probably go. Don’t want Sunghoon to get the wrong idea when he shows up.”
Beomgyu scrunches his brow. “Why would he get the wrong idea? Everyone knows we’re friends.”
Friends. Exactly, they’re friends. And Taehyun needs to remember that – or at the very least think this over properly without Beomgyu smelling nice and wiggling his ass in Taehyun’s face for fun.
“Message me and we can hang out tomorrow, okay?” The promise falls from Taehyun's lips before he can stop it. He’ll be fine by tomorrow, for sure.
Unfortunately, Beomgyu doesn’t buy it. He takes worried steps until he’s right in front of Taehyun – which really isn’t helping anything because he can smell the cologne and Beomgyu’s concerned gaze is all too endearing in Taehyun’s moment of panic.
Beomgyu’s hand reaches out to hold Taehyun’s cheek, and it almost burns. He pulls away, dodging the way Beomgyu’s fingers were about to grasp his chin. The concern in his eyes soon morphs to hurt. Taehyun’s never avoided his touch like that before.
“You don’t seem okay,” Beomgyu almost whispers at the same time his eyes search Taehyun’s face for something.
“I’m fine.”
Even Taehyun doesn’t sound convinced of his own words. But what is he supposed to say? Hey, I just had some dirty thoughts about you and your ass, so I need to get out of here before I acknowledge them and can never look at you the same? Yeah, right.
“You can tell me…” Beomgyu insists. Taehyun makes the unfortunate mistake of looking at his lips and noticing how nice they look when pursed in worry.
“Hyung, I…”
All of Beomgyu’s attention is on him, and it only makes things worse. Taehyun’s seen him this close hundreds of times, and yet in this moment it’s making him want things he’d never thought about before. It’s making him want to do crazy things like find out how Beomgyu’s lips feel, or discover the spot where his cologne smells the strongest on his skin.
He’s overwhelmed and, for once in his life, Taehyun acts on impulse. Chalk it up to temporary insanity, but before he even realizes what he’s doing, his lips are connected with Beomgyu’s in the lightest of pecks.
The touch of their lips sobers him instantly. He pulls away, the shock at his own actions probably all over his face. Beomgyu’s eyes too, are blown wide, but only for a fraction of a second before his expression shifts into something much more dark. He’s never seen this look on Beomgyu’s face before, it’s almost as if…
“Hyung, I’m sorr–”
Taehyun doesn’t get to finish because in the next breath, Beomgyu is diving back in. His lips meet Taehyun’s with enough force to send him reeling backwards into the wall with a thump that nearly knocks the air out of him. But Beomgyu doesn’t relent, his hands grab at the fabric of Taehyun’s sweatshirt at the same time Taehyun’s hands grip for purchase on his hips. It takes him a moment to recover, but soon he’s kissing back, trying to match Beomgyu’s lips and simultaneously take in how nice they feel against his own.
Friends don’t kiss like this. This isn’t the silly making out friends sometimes do after a few drinks with equally silly giggles after they pull apart. It’s not the friendly pecks Beomgyu and Yeonjun are so fond of distributing to their friends. There’s more to this, like something Taehyun didn’t even know was pent up is finally breaking free. It’s liberating and terrifying at the same time because what does this mean?
Beomgyu is kissing him with such insistence it’s nearly impossible to keep up because Taehyun has never been kissed quite like this before – kissed with Beomgyu’s hands everywhere they can reach, his little gasps for breath, fingers soon digging into his hair to pull him even closer and not let him escape. This is another part of Beomgyu he’s never experienced, one he can’t believe he’s unleashed. It’s messy, so messy, as Taehyun tries to find a rhythm, but Beomgyu has complete control of the kiss. He only concedes for a moment when Taehyun daringly runs his tongue along Beomgyu’s bottom lip. There’s a gasp Taehyun feels against his lips before he’s the one surging forward, letting his tongue meet Beomgyu’s and adding a whole new sloppy dimension to the kiss.
There’s no time to process what this all means, why Beomgyu is kissing him with such urgency when up until two minutes ago they were just friends who didn’t do this – didn’t make out against Beomgyu’s bedroom wall like it’s the only thing either of them have ever wanted. He can’t think about that right now because Beomgyu is too distracting. He lets out the cutest grunts when Taehyun’s teeth catch on his lip and, yup, Taehyun’s brain doesn’t have room to think about much else aside from Beomgyu right at this moment.
Soon, Beomgyu’s lips wander along his jaw, never for too long before returning to his lips. Taehyun’s legs feel like jelly, and he’s really not sure he’ll be able to hold himself up much longer, especially with the way Beomgyu’s hand now runs along the front of his shirt before sliding underneath to press against his abs.
Feeling emboldened, he lets his hand stray from Beomgyu’s waist, along his hips. He’s almost to the part of Beomgyu that started this whole mess – Beomgyu’s ass just within his reach – when Beomgyu’s phone goes off on the bed, startling them both apart.
Beomgyu’s eyes are still blown wide as he comes back to reality. His hands fall from Taehyun as he takes a few steps back, and Taehyun wants to pull him back in again. But something in Beomgyu’s expression says he shouldn’t.
The phone dings again.
“I…” Beomgyu looks torn, his breath still coming out heavy. His lips are glossy with spit, his hair disheveled, and Taehyun’s sure he’s never seen a more perfect sight. If only Beomgyu’s expression matched Taehyun’s fascination.
“That’s Sunghoon.” Beomgyu almost whispers. He’s not looking Taehyun in the eyes anymore, instead his gaze has fallen to the floor. He gives one final deep breath before looking back up apologetically. “I have to go.”
Taehyun’s heart falls into his stomach. He’d forgotten about Sunghoon, about the date, about anything other than the way Beomgyu was so desperately kissing him only seconds ago. He doesn’t know what to make of it as Beomgyu quickly grabs a jacket and walks past Taehyun to exit the room without a goodbye.
Taehyun stands there for a few moments in shock after he hears the front door open and close. He’s left alone with his spiraling thoughts and Beomgyu’s bedroom that still faintly smells of the cologne he sprayed earlier. The cologne he sprayed to impress his date that he still went on after kissing Taehyun.
It’s Taehyun’s fault, of course. He crossed the line. He should go. He should slink away to his dorm room and distract himself. He makes it about as far as Beomgyu’s living room before his thoughts consume him again and he ends up just sitting on the couch, staring blankly ahead, and replaying everything that just happened.
He kissed Beomgyu first, he knows that much. It was stupid, impulsive, even if it felt like the only logical move in the moment. But it was Beomgyu who kissed him back, and it wasn’t an innocent peck from there. He can still feel the lingering pressure of Beomgyu’s lips on his and the firmness of Beomgyu’s hips that his palms so easily latched on to. It was hot, messy, the kind of kissing he can’t say he’d ever imagined doing with Beomgyu before it happened. Now that it has, can anything be normal again?
He replays it all multiple times, turning every moment over and inspecting it for a sign of something, anything that will make it make sense.
Yes, Beomgyu definitely kissed him back, seemingly with purpose. But then with one ding of his phone, Beomgyu left him alone and confused to go on his date. Can Taehyun really be upset about that? Is he upset about that? He isn’t sure himself.
Taehyun’s pulled from his thoughts by the opening of the front door some minutes later. He turns his head with a vague glimmer of hope that Beomgyu’s back already, but it’s just Yeonjun. Taehyun can’t do much to hide his disappointment at that fact.
“Hey Taehyun.” Yeonjun looks around the space in confusion. They may be close, but it’s not often Taehyun just hangs around without one of the two roommates home. “ Why are you… sitting alone in my living room?”
“Just… thinking.”
He probably looks a mess. He knows his hair is completely messed up thanks to Beomgyu’s insistent fingers, his lips a little swollen, and a shell shocked expression is probably burned on his face.
“Okay…?” Yeonjun throws his jacket on a chair. “Beomgyu’s out on a date, so he probably won’t be back for a while. If he comes back at all.”
Taehyun glares. “I know.”
Yeonjun throws his hands up defensively and quirks his brow. “Touchy, touchy.”
Taehyun doesn’t want to snap at Yeonjun who is none the wiser to what just went down, nor does he want to talk it out with Yeonjun. At least, not until he’s talked it out with Beomgyu.
“Sorry, hyung.” Taehyun tries to snap out of it, or at the very least be polite. “I just… need to think for a bit.”
“On my sofa?” Yeonjun clarifies.
Taehyun gives a pleading look. “If I can?”
Yeonjun’s gaze softens instantly. “Of course you can, Taehyunnie.” He reaches down to ruffle Taehyun’s hair. “I’ll be in my room if you need me, okay?”
Taehyun just nods as Yeonjun walks away.
Yes, he’s going to wait up for Beomgyu so they can talk this out. He doesn’t want to go home and let this confusion fester. It wouldn’t be any good for either of them if he did that. He doesn’t want to deal with the awkward hellos and ignored texts that inevitably follow heatedly making out with one of his best friends.
Does Taehyun want things to go back to how they were before? He doesn’t know how he’d feel if Beomgyu laughed it off as an equally impulsive move on his end. When he considers it, that same unpleasant feeling from before settles in his stomach.
Another thought hits him: has he been waiting in the wings all this time? Taehyun doesn’t think so. But he can’t say he’s always looked at Beomgyu with nothing but innocence, either. Maybe that’s just natural when he’s friends with someone as charming as Beomgyu. When he contemplates it further, though, he knows he’s never looked at Yeonjun the way he looked at Beomgyu half an hour ago, or multiple times before that. The thought has never once crossed his mind to kiss Yeonjun even if Yeonjun is also admittedly, a very attractive guy.
Forty minutes of deep thinking and scrolling his phone to distract himself, and Taehyun still has no more answers than he did when Beomgyu walked out the door aside from the fact that he wished Beomgyu didn’t go. The most he can hope for is that Beomgyu has more clarity than he does when, if, he returns, and they can work it out from there.
Taehyun doesn’t have to wait much longer.
He hears the sound of the door code being entered and turns his head just as Beomgyu pushes the door open. His eyes are a little wild, he’s breathing like he ran here, and Taehyun watches him heave a heavy sigh of relief once he spots Taehyun on the couch.
“Oh, thank God you’re still here,” is all Beomgyu says before he flies across the room in record time and suddenly Taehyun’s lap is filled with the weight of Beomgyu and Beomgyu is taking Taehyun’s face in his hands to pick up where they left off.
Taehyun almost falls for it, too. He’s learning that Beomgyu’s lips can be very distracting when they’re pressed against his like this. He returns the kiss on autopilot until his brain catches up with him and stills with his hands on Beomgyu’s chest.
“Wait, wait.” Taehyun pushes Beomgyu away. Beomgyu actually pouts, and Taehyun has to remind himself to stay strong. “We need to talk.”
“Kissing first.” Beomgyu attempts to lean back in, but it’s of no use. Taehyun just cranes his neck further back into the couch.
“Hyung.”
“Fine.” Beomgyu leans back in Taehyun’s lap and narrows his eyes. “You want to talk? Why’d you kiss me?”
“I…” Okay maybe Taehyun hasn’t thought that far. “Your ass…” That was definitely not what he meant to say and he cringes before he can finish the thought. A lap full of Beomgyu is decidedly not conducive to forming eloquent thoughts.
“My ass?” Beomgyu huffs before fondly stroking Taehyun’s cheek. His hand is warm, and far too gentle given what his hands were doing only a few seconds ago. “See? You’re still processing. Kissing will help.”
Though Beomgyu makes a compelling argument – kissing does seem to be easier than putting words together in this moment – he knows the anxiety will eat him alive if they don’t talk it out sooner rather than later.
“I know I kissed you first,” Taehyun tries, avoiding Beomgyu’s lips once again. “And I am not sure I can tell you why other than it just… felt right. But you kissed me, and then you went on a date.”
Beomgyu quirks a brow.
“Am I supposed to blow off Sunghoon because of your impulsivity?”
That’s rich coming from Beomgyu who basically reacted to said kiss by eating his face off (very skillfully, he does admit).
“No but…” he can agree with that much. “Why’d you kiss me back like that?”
Beomgyu bites his lip, Taehyun’s eyes naturally follow the movement in a way they never have before.
“Because I’d thought about it before, more than once, and when you kissed me…. I sort of just let it all out.” Beomgyu’s nervous, it shows in the way his thumbs rub soothing circles against Taehyun’s shoulders. “I was excited, I guess.”
“That’s an understatement.”
Beomgyu delivers a playful slap to his chest.
“Shut up. But I knew that I probably came on a bit strong, and you needed space. And I needed time, too. Basically all Sunghoon and I did was walk around campus while I tried to clear my head.” Beomgyu gives a self-deprecating laugh. “Didn’t work very well though, and I ended up bailing early as soon as Yeonjun texted me that you were catatonic in our living room.”
Leave it to Yeonjun to save the day.
“Why didn’t you say anything before? About liking me?”
Beomgyu thinks for a moment, but he doesn’t pull away. Finally, he lets out a heavy exhale.
“Because you’re my friend first, and I am okay with it staying that way. I’m not, like, in love with you already or anything. I’ve just thought about how it might be nice if…”
“If…?” Taehyun presses.
“If maybe you weren’t just my friend.”
The words sound right coming from Beomgyu – and considerably less scary than he thought it would be, acknowledging budding feelings within a friendship.
“So where does that leave us now?” Taehyun ventures to ask.
Beomgyu’s fingers delicately card through his hair and Taehyun finally leans into the touch. It’s not anything unfamiliar, Beomgyu is always a bit handsy. But it feels nice all the same. The soft smile Beomgyu gives him reassures him all the more. Taehyun knows he likes this, likes having Beomgyu in his lap and smiling at him. In his mind, that’s pretty solid ground to start from, even if it's all too late of a realization.
He knows that however this works out, they’ll be okay. And that’s enough for now.
“Let’s just start from here, and we can figure the rest out as we go.” Beomgyu suggests.
Here is a relative term, and Taehyun wants some clarification. Or maybe, he wants to tease after his hour of panic alone in Beomgyu’s living room.
“Start out with kissing?”
“Mmm.” Beomgyu leans in again, this time just for a gentle peck. “Excellent starting point in my opinion. Or, whatever you’re comfortable with. What do you say?”
Taehyun agrees. It’s new, a little exciting, and a whole lot is still uncertain, but he can’t argue with Beomgyu’s logic. They can ease their way into this new territory, one step at a time.
“I say, I like this.”
Beomgyu’s smile is so bright that Taehyun feels a new kind of warmth in his chest. It’s foreign, but by no means unwelcome, when Beomgyu leans back in to kiss him slowly. In fact, he almost wants to laugh at how natural it feels.
“This is really sweet and all…” Yeonjun’s sudden voice interrupts them, startling them both apart. “But can you guys ‘figure the rest out’ not on the sofa? I’d like to make ramen and I’d prefer to do it without you two dry humping each other in the background.”
Beomgyu leans in to laugh into Taehyun’s shoulder before pulling away to stick his tongue out at Yeonjun.
“Fine.” Beomgyu turns back to Taehyun. “Let’s go?”
As Taehyun follows Beomgyu by the hand back to Beomgyu’s room, he thinks maybe it will work out. Maybe it won’t. But Taehyun’s sure there’s no one he’d rather have by his side to figure it out with than Beomgyu.