Chapter Text
It was the crunching of the pen between her teeth that startled Karin out of her panic induced mindlessness. She bolts upright in her armchair, shaking her head and trying to subtly spit out the shards of her broken pen from her mouth, and guiltily glances around the common room to make sure she was in the clear.
She was not.
Immediately next to her is Emma, curled up in another armchair with her text book open but not reading, instead looking back at Karin with a fond sort of smirk. Wordlessly, Emma tosses Karin a new pen from the depths of wherever, and with a quiet laugh, settles back down and returns to studying.
As their last year of high school progressed, the intense feeling of urgency and agitation grew with it, and for Karin, that meant just really not being in the mood to study. She wanted to do well of course, and was not idiotic enough to slack off too often, however as tension in her head grew, the harder it became to focus, until it got to the the point where she wants nothing more than to hide in her bed all day.
Ever the guardian angel, Emma had picked up on her distress and immediately got invested in helping, suggesting studying together in the dorm common room instead of the distracting library. Being in the common room was supposed to help her feel more comfy and relaxed while studying, instead of being somewhere with pressure to be productive. They could make it a study date, Emma had said sweetly. She could bake some snacks and share a throw blanket and take breaks and watch movies together.
It was sweet, and Karin would be lying if she said she didn’t feel a little flustered. Emma’s earnest warmth and care often left Karin stumped but wanting more, equally shy and giddy from any sort of attention she could get.
It was embarrassing.
Karin would never admit it, but unfortunately she wouldn’t have to; plenty of her friends easily seeing through her and calling her out with bold jokes about her crush.
Everyone with a sense of maturity rightfully hates that word. Crush. So grossly childish and not nearly enough to encapsulate the total amount of heart-stuttering happiness that Karin feels just knowing that Emma loves her the same amount.
Maybe not the same sort of love, but the same amount nonetheless.
It doesn’t matter. Emma cares about Karin well enough and Karin is happy enough with the attention she receives, there is no way she can risk any more stress atop of everything else that is happening this year. The idol club, the performing, last year of school, becoming an adult. There’s just too much going on and if she were to try juggle anything else herself-
Karin startles again when her friend clears her throat softly. Looking up, she is once again met with a light hearted grin.
“You’re zoning out a lot, y’know? How about five more minutes, then we can stop and do whatever if you like.”
Karin flops her head down onto the chair arm closest to Emma with a defeated groan.
“I don’t know why I’ve been struggling so much lately,” she mutters, mainly to herself. While she is honest enough to admit that she’s always been prone to depressive episodes that left her bedridden, her tolerance for stress used to be a lot higher before she spiralled. She always felt capable of doing so much and managing more, but now…
“I’m just tired. Feels like I’m being stretched too thin and I don’t know which way to go.”
Karin feels selfish admitting this unprompted and without addressing Emma directly, and guilty for ruining the effort Emma put in trying to keep things happy.
But in the end, Emma seems to always know what to do.
Karin feels a gentle hand thread through her hair, soft fingers massaging her scalp in just the right way to calm her erratic thoughts. Karin lets out a breath of relief, answered by Emma’s pleased hum.
“Do you want to talk about it now?”
Karin shakes her head once.
“Later then.” It’s not an option, and Karin isn’t looking forward to that conversation.
“You know you can talk to me, right? About anything? Right, Karin?” Emma’s voice breaks slightly from how quietly she speaks, and it sends a shiver across Karin’s skin like a cold blanket. Karin lets out a pitiful whine, and the hand that’s tangled in her hair slides down and tenderly pulls up her face from the couch.
Emma’s hand is warm where it holds Karin beneath her chin, but her smile is warmer, kinder, understanding. Karin feels another shiver roll through her as she gazes at Emma, her open, freckled face the only thing Karin could ever really trust to never change or turn sour. Emma is always going to be the sunshine and rainbows and all that sappy, sentimental crap, but Karin loves it. She shouldn’t because it’s goofy and pretentious, but she does.
Emma is all things good. And Karin is so in love with her.
It’s so simple.
“You know, I feel like we have had our fair share of emotional outbursts and heart to hearts. Enough for you to know that no matter what you’re dealing with, I can be right there beside you. No matter what.”
“That’s so embarrassing to say out loud, oh my god, Emma.”
She can’t take the sincerity, it’s too much, too bright, all Karin wants to do is take Emma’s face in her own hands and-
Instead, Emma awkwardly flings herself over the two arms of their chairs, and clumsily squishes herself in Karin’s seat. Not giving Karin enough time to do anything except let out a few strangled squawks, Emma settles down and pulls her barely functioning friend into an over the top hug.
It takes a few seconds for Karin to recover enough to form words, as she stutters out protests and reprimands, while also returning to hug with just as much willingness and enthusiasm as Emma had shown. It makes them both giggle like losers, and as they abandon their studies and settle in to watch funny videos on their phones, Karin can’t help feel herself unwinding from the knots she tied herself up in, being wrapped in her best friends arms and hearing her laugh in her ear does wonders to her outlook.
It’s not a lot, but Karin knows as long as she has these moments, she could get through anything.
——————————————————————
Somehow, Emma manages to coax Karin into more and more study sessions, and Karin finds herself being able to focus longer and actually makes some progress. Sometimes they will be in the library, often being joined with a grumbling Kasumi or a distracting Ai, or sometimes they study outside when the sun is nice, with a napping Kanata snoring softly beside them.
But Karin’s favourite is the study dates in the common room. She decides to embrace the cosy, comfy vibe Emma was initially going for and starts showing up in her softest flannel pyjamas, the first time met with an adoring squeal from Emma.
They often have the common room to themselves, folding themselves onto the same armchair and studying together, with the occasional teasing quip or playful comment filling the comfortable silence. These are Karin’s favourite, because after a while Emma will rest her head against Karin’s shoulder and just talks about whatever comes to her mind. And Karin finds it easy to reply back, often offering her own topics of conversation, and it’s not even a distraction from dark thoughts and overwhelming feelings, it’s just the two of them, outside of dancing and singing and being in a group.
It’s just Karin, not a model or a student or someone prone to blue days, and Emma, not a big sister or a pillar of support or crush. It’s just two girls laughing at dumb memes they find or cute photos of their favourite animals or gushing at the latest hit song.
Just two normal girls feeling the warmth of shared enjoyment and the understanding of comfort and knowing that at least they will have this if nothing else.
——————————————————————
They find themselves like this now, except with Karin finding the courage to rest her head against Emma’s shoulder first, feeling the tremors and rumbles of the freckled girl’s laughter.
It had been a long, draining day, filled with tests and due dates and assignment reminders, and idol training and strategy meetings, with the promise of ‘study date’ the only thing pushing Karin on.
Emma passes her a biscuit she had made earlier, and Karin accepts gratefully, immediately beginning to nibble at it.
With a tired sigh, Emma drops her head atop Karin’s, and starts humming sleepily.
Adjusting the blanket around both their shoulders, Karin settles into the smooth sound of Emma’s voice.
“Is that a lullaby?”
“Yeah, want me to sing it to you?” Karin can hear the sincerity in the joke. She smirks in response, despite Emma not being able to see it.
“Sure… but you have to carry me to bed first.”
She feels Emma about to respond when both their phones light up with an incoming message, Karin’s from her lap, and Emma’s from the arm of the chair. Karin frowns, disappointed by the interruption, but reaches for her phone nonetheless.
From: Kanata
Just finished the online quiz
It was kinda hard but nothing too bad!
Good luck~ let me know how you go <3
Karin feels her stomach drop with the realization that she has no idea what quiz Kanata is talking about. She sits upright and frantically stares at Emma as the redhead reads through the undoubtedly same message on her own screen.
When Emma bites her lip worriedly, Karin can’t help but laugh bitterly as she frantically feels herself panicking. Just as she thought she was finally getting on top of everything, how could she forget?
A headache starts forming behind her tired eyes as she mulls over how she will survive school when they are so hell bent on driving out any sort of rest. She will surely keel over dead before seeing graduation with how much stress she’s under.
“Well, I guess no lullabies for us, then. No sleeping till we finish this surprise quiz.” She sulks, crawling out of the chair and away from Emma’s side to go fetch her laptop.
“I… I completely forgot we had to do that. I’m sorry, Karin.” The guilt in Emma’s voice pangs at Karin, as she turns around and sees Emma, still seated, playing with her plaited hair nervously and gazing up like a puppy caught doing something bad.
“But we can do it together! It will be easy with us too, it won’t be too bad, I promise!”
That softens up Karin somewhat, she feels herself decompress a little bit, and nods. They’ll get through this stupid quiz.
——————————————————————
The next morning finds Karin and Emma walking to school together from their dorms. It’s a cold morning, cold enough for Karin to see their breaths turn to fog and mingle together. As they cross a small bridge over a pond, Emma suddenly points excitedly in front of them.
“A bird! And it’s blue!” She exclaims, quietly so as not to startle the small bird hopping across their path. As Karin watches its cobalt blue feathers gleam in the sunrise, it suddenly flits away while chirping musically.
“What a pretty sound. And from such a pretty bird too. It had the same colour as your blue, Karin.” Emma continues, linking her arm with Karin. “But I like your singing more, y’know? I think you’re much prettier.”
Karin splutters, and quickly covers the sound with an obvious cough. It makes Emma laugh, her words more intended to embarrass rather than compliment. Still, it makes Karin feel warm in her ears.
Emma begins to sing then, spinning up lyrics and a melody out of nothing.
“My pretty blue Karin~
How pretty her blue feathers are~”
“Emma!”
It just makes her sing louder.
“How I love her even when she flies away~”
They carry on like this all the way to their classrooms; Emma giggling while serenading and dancing, and an also giggling, red faced Karin trying not that hard to shush her.
She could get used to this. Selfishly lapping up Emma’s song, a song that’s just about her for her.
She could really get used to Emma singing to her.