Chapter Text
If there was one thing that Billy Hargrove had become accustomed to it was being mistreated. The mistreatment he'd endured festered and resided deep within him until It'd become a second nature something he'd learned to sit back and deal with at the tender age of ten.
Billy would be a fool to not notice that It ran much deeper than that. Admittedly the ill-treatment he received on a daily basis was something that Billy had normalized. Whether he'd knowingly done so or not Billy couldn't be sure.
In Billy's mind, he was constantly shamed because he deserved it.
And he was hit because he was difficult to deal with. Because Billy never learned. Could never manage to keep his mouth shut.
It just made sense.
Soon enough it became apparent to Billy that others probably saw it the same way. He was the troublemaker always rowdy and untrusting. Picking fights anywhere he went just because he could - because anger was the only way he'd ever known how to express himself. He'd earned his fair share of bruises and nobody had ever questioned them.
Distantly Billy wondered for the umpteenth time what would happen if anyone ever knew the truth. If anyone knew where the bruises that depicted his body came from. Billy highly doubts that anything good would come out of anyone uncovering his secret. - He didnt need to give Neil any more of a reason to beat him to death.
Billy had only ever been failed by authority figures in his life anyway-
Besides the more that he thought about it, it wasn't as though Hopper would berate Neil for pushing him around a bit. In fact, Hopper would quite frankly just discredit him anyway. Claim the abuse to be false accusations against Neil. Everyone would.
Ever since Billy was younger adults had chalked him up to being a misfit. A problem child never once asking the reasoning behind his behavior. Nobody ever wanted to delve further into why he'd turned out the way that he had. Nor had anyone questioned if there had been more into him lashing out. If there happened to be more beneath his insufferable personality.
Despite it, all Billy didn't blame anyone for the way he was. Not even Neil. Billy was a nuisance boisterous and disgraceful in every aspect. Billy was too much for anyone to ever want to be a present figure in his life but not enough for anyone to ever love. Hell his own mother hadn't even wanted to deal with his shit. Had gotten the short end of the stick and packed up and left him. Because leaving was better than dealing with him. How telling was that.
He'd loved his mother more than anything and it still wasn't enough, he wasn't enough. Never was.
It was no wonder why Neil couldn't stand him at times. Billy didn't hold it against the man per se honestly he understood why Neil treated him like this. Besides It wasn't as though he was a victim he ran his mouth and defended himself at times. Every once in a while he'd throw a punch or so back while Neil was in the process of breaking his fingers.
So yeah Billy could genuinely say that it was fine. That he'd grown used to any insult or beating that anyone could throw at him.
Sharp-cutting remarks sent his way were nothing new in fact Billy embraced them. Used them as a way to fuel his own self-hatred. Billy possessed a sort of practiced indifference towards it. He was just fine with treating his own wounds and brushing off the remarks sent his way.
All the while sending some rather creative insults back. Being insulted was nothing new in fact it'd become something akin to a routine. (Nothing that anybody had to say could be any worse than anything that Billy thought of himself anyway. )
Although It wasn't just cutting remarks that Billy has grown to expect. It was being shoved carelessly into walls waiting for a blow to the face. Bruised limbs, bloodied noses, and even at times broken bones. The injuries and usual beady eyes staring down at him never phased him though. Billy never let it phase him, refused to cower to Neil. Instead glaring back at the cruel man even as Susan and Max screamed at him to back down. - to let it go - for his own sake.
Pain had been something that Billy greeted with open arms. He'd been conditioned to it and had to adjust to it if he'd ever wanted to survive.
One thing that Billy hadn't yet learned how to do was cope with his emotions. Billy had always felt too much and rarely dealt with it in a healthy way.
_____
Billy drew the cigarette away from his plump lips. Other hand lazily gripping his steering wheel. Billy watched as the smoke from his cigarette died down simmering into nothing as his Camaro came to a halt. Curly blonde ringlets fell gracefully tickling at his shoulders as Billy propped his arm up against his window. A smirk perched itself upon his lips as Steve's BMW came into view.
Just his damned luck.
Billy had come to the quarry hoping to get a god damned ounce of peace after having a run-in with Neil. The quarry was the only place that ever granted him any peace - aside from basketball - that is. What he wasn't expecting was to see Harrington of all people here.
A grimace worked its way onto Billy's face at the thought of Steve Harrington.
Admittedly Billy had never been sure what to make of King Steve. But one thing that he knew for certain was that Steve Harrington was pure. Harrington was evreything that he wasn't. Steve was an honest to god good person which was something he'd never admit aloud.
Billy constantly saw the purity that Harrington held. Noticed the kindness that the elder possessed towards his sister and the other kids. It made him envious.
Envious of the fact that Billy wasn't worth enough for somebody to be that gentle and kind to him. Jealous of the fact that Steve actually seemed capable of expressing emotions whereas he could not.
The feelings puzzled him Billy knew that he had no right to feel that way in the first place. Not with all that he'd done. But he did and couldn't help it.
Billy loathed the feelings that he'd always been forced to swallow down.
Steve had always caused an inkling of fear to reside within him. Steve was evreything that he wasn't. Forgiving, compassionate, and understanding. So understanding that the elder hadn't held resentment for him after he'd quite literally beat the teens face in.
Steve was a wonder that lacked a single ounce of self-preservation. One that was stupid enough to grant him of all people a shred of kindness.
Kindness scared him. The unfamiliarness of it terrified him and had him lashing out. Billy was fine with being mistreated but was entirely out of his element when it came to being treated with kindness.
Billy staggered out of his car meeting Steve's doe eyes and expectant gaze. Suddenly fully intent on an attempt at an apology.
'' Am I dreaming or is that you, Harrington?''
'' What the fuck are you doing here Hargrove?'' Harrington says through clenched teeth.
'' I just,'' Just what? Billy found himself wondering. Who the hell would want to deal with his bullshit? Much less Steve. He'd made the elder's life a living hell after all. '' -just wanna talk. ''
'' Yeah? Well, I don't want to talk with you. Go away.''
And okay that was fair Billy hadn't really been sure what he had been expecting anyway. For Harrington to talk with him and accept him as though he'd been sent on a silver platter? To coddle him? What a fucking pansy he'd been to even think that this had been a good idea.
To even think that he deserved to be listened to.
'' You don't understand -'' It's a desperate plea and Billy knows it. Up until now, he hadn't even been aware that he was capable of sounding so hopeless. To be fair he'd never once had to apologize to anyone either.
'' I don't need to. I don't owe you anything - I don't have to understand you. What I need is for you to go.'' And fuck does that hurt.
'' No- no I don't think I will,'' What can he say? Billy's a cocky piece of shit. He's aware of it and he's sure that everyone else is aware of it as well.
''-Now." Had Steve's voice always sounded so cold or was that reserved for him?
'' -Dammit! I'm not leaving until you at least hear me out.''
'' I said leave what aren't you understanding about that? ''
'' Harrington-'' Steve cuts him off voice calculated and icy.
'' Why're you here anyway?''
'' Fine. It's not like you want to hear anything that I have to say anyway.'' Billy remarks before smirking. ''So Harrington I'm here with a grand offer. ''
'' What?''
'' Hit me.'' Billy bites his lip nervously. Angles his face to the side. Steve for one seems shocked.
'' Huh,'' Steve mumbles '' You want me - to hit you?''
'' You heard me, pretty boy. I said that you could hit me. ''
'' I'm not- what- why...would I hit you?''
'' Why not? I promise It's easy.''
'' What's easy Hargrove?''
''𝐻𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑒.'' For a moment Harrington seems to blanch.
'' Why would that be easy?''
'' I would've figured you'd be jumping in joy over this pretty boy.'' Billy drawls out. ''I want -no- I need you to hit me. ''
'' Are you joking?'' He can't help but let out an exasperated huff. Because really Harrington keep up. He could've sworn they'd been over this already.
'' I'm fucking serious'' Billy feels himself frowning. This isn’t going the way he practiced ''What are you too scared to hit me? Go ahead I won't stop you. ''
'' Sure you are. I'm not hitting you.''
'' Hit me it doesn't matter to me. I won't even fight back.'' Nothing Harrington could do could be any worse than what Neil had done anyway. '' Maybe it'll even help ''
'' What exactly would hitting you help?''
'' Help you feel better. You won't even have to feel bad about it. '' no one ever does ''It'll help - make us even. It's how you can repay me for bashing your face in. ''
'' We'll never be even. '' The conviction within Steve's voice leaves him astounded.
'' Maybe not but I'm sure it'll feel good for you. Don't act like you haven't wanted to hit me. If anything it'll help. We'll have a fresh slate. ''
'' God Hargrove I'm not- I'm not hitting you. '' Harrington says, again, more forceful this time. ''Just leave me alone. Just go ''
'' I- Yeah-.. okay. ''
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Billy isn't sure what makes him think that it's a good idea. But he pulls into the Hargrove residence in a pissy mood. Knows even before he walks in the door what he's doing.
Knows that it's a pathetic attempt at getting himself to feel something. At punishing himself.
Billy picks and prods at Neil's temper that night. The moment that Billy gets home he slams the door harshly ignoring Neil's warning gaze sharp and unforgiving as he shoulders past the man. Being sure to nudge the elder none too gently. It utterly shocks him that the man doesn't wrench him backward by his shoulder.
He's on a thin line and he knows it. Knows that Neil wants to discipline him maybe even beat his face in. Use him as a punching bag until he'll eventually cower beneath the man. Billy won't allow himself to back down not this time.
Just from the look on his dad's face, Billy can tell that tonight will be particularly bad may be worse than it'd ever been. It doesn't matter though Billy encourages it- wants it - deserves it.
So Billy continues taunting Neil until his father is finally forced to do something about it.
Instantaneously Neil snaps giving into the bait and shoving him up against the wall. He's pushed so harshly that it leaves him stunned. Billy realizes moments later that Neil's shouting at him and can feel the speckles of spit coat his face as Neil continues yelling. He blocks it all out, barely registers the impact Neil's fists make upon his body until Neil cruelly shakes him.
Billy isn't quite sure if he has a death wish. It wouldn't surprise him he thinks to himself before grinning. Crimson tainted lips stretching morbidly before Billy spits blood at Neil's face.
'' Fuck you. '' Calloused hands are gripping his neck the moment the words are uttered from his lips. He can't help but think of it as a fitting way to go.
At Neil's hands, Billy doesn't struggle, doesn't allow himself to fight for air. He just accepts it until Neil is muttering something about patheticness and mercilessly dropping him to the ground. Allowing him to crumple into a heap as a single tear falls from dim cerulean eyes.
Billy smiles broken and bloody as he distantly wonders if this is how he'd made Steve feel. Hopeless and broken. Billy makes a vow to himself that he'll try again tomorrow.
That he'll apologize once more to Steve.
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Total Words-2,228