Archive of Our Own

The first argument that they have doesn't exactly come as a shock. Arguments are just something that Steve knew eventually came with being in a relationship. Admittedly it's the least enjoyable part of one but they are expected all the same. Especially while in one with someone as boisterous and stubborn as Billy.

In fact, it comes as a shock to Steve that he was nearing a year-long relationship with Billy and only just reaching their first argument. Which is pretty mundane if he's being honest considering its two vast personalities trying to coexist.

The argument itself though is anything but mundane. It's aggressive and brutal. Unforgiving pent-up words are sharp and cutting as they spew from his mouth only to be met with Billy's own defiant words. Tempers clash, hurt arises, and his own ego has taken a blow.

Steve can't be sure what exactly the argument had even stemmed from in the beginning. Something small and minuscule he thinks. Although it's anything but that at the moment instead warped into something ugly. A small quarrel has now become the grounds of competition.

One that drones on and on seemingly neverending. Both attempting to get the satisfaction of spewing the last word. It goes on until Steve's sick of the noise - of being unable to even hear himself think. So he doesn't think merely just finds himself reacting thoughtlessly. Mind running solely on rage and adrenaline Steve acts.

Instantly the argument dwindles down as it ends in the form of Steve bracketing Billy's body against the wall with his own. He pretends not to notice the way that Billy's limbs seem to immediately sink in exhaustion or the way that Billy's cerulean blue eyes gawk at him. Wide and alight with a sickening form of acceptance. Billy's morbidly stretched grin is all it takes before Steve is pushing himself away from the youngers figure.

In the end, it means nothing. He and Billy end up within a tangle of limbs on the couch. Mindlessly watching television silently taking comfort in one another's company. It's not an apology not really. But it's their own way of making up. As they choose to ignore the things spit out in the heat of the moment, and Steve thinks nothing of crowding Billy into the corner. Thinks nothing of Billy's expression and familiarity with being backed into a wall.

It means nothing.

___

By the time that their second fight wanders around, it's months later. It's to the point that Steve has nearly forgotten about their first fight. The sick image of Billy backed against the wall nothing more than a grainy and dim image.

It's a petty argument really but Steve's just had such a shitty day and coming across Max skating home from school is the last thing he needs. Not when he'd been certain that Billy specifically was going to drive her home. It's almost summer for christ's sake. It's far too warm for her to be skating home. He sighs a bemused expression pulling tight at his thin lips as he slows his beamer beside the red-headed girl.

''Max?'' Steve questions tiredly as the girl pulls out the blaring white headphones. Sweat trickles from the girl's brow before she's flippantly snapping toward him.

''What?''

''You're skating.'' The simplicity of his statement has Steve feeling incredibly stupid. Even more so as Max only cocks her head in amusement. For a moment he feels like bashing his head against his steering wheel. He doesn't ''-Thought Billy was supposed to bring you home?''

A few moments of silence flutter by. Steve awaits an explanation a small smile working its way onto his face.

He takes in the way that Max's expression suddenly falls at the mention. Studying the girl wondering why Maxine suddenly appears so uncomfortable. Although Steve thinks he must have imagined it as Max's expression suddenly flips unexpectedly. Settling into a careless grin.

''Oh, yeah. He was going to but he got held up. - figured it'd just be easier to skate home.'' Max's statement leaves an uneasy pit within his stomach and Steve isn't exactly sure why. All he knows is that the comment feels flimsy.

''Held up?''

''Mhm Neil - needed him to run a few errands - had some yard work for him to finish.''

It's a blatant lie. Steve's sure that anyone could see it. Max knows that it's a lie. He knows it.

Steve decidedly doesn't comment on it.

''Okay well,'' Steve draws out before continuing. ''want a ride?''

''Sure!''

Steve's fairly silent the rest of the way as he drives Max to his boyfriend's house. As he'd thought Billy doesn't appear to be doing any yard work.

Billy does however visit him. Showing up at his house a few hours later sporting a new angry bruise upon a high cheekbone.

Steve feels concern bubbling throughout him ebbing deep inside. He longs to cup Billy's face within his hand and ask where it'd come from. Who had done it. If it hurts?

And he tries to voice his thoughts. Truly he does but the effort is in vain.

The moment Steve thinks of Max's words. Of Max walking home and it sets something off inside of him. His original questions don't get voiced. And Billy's grin fades into nothing.

Because Steve is immediately shifting, crowding Billy, hissing, and spitting, getting the upper hand in an argument he doesn’t even know how started—although he’s pretty sure he caused it.

Steve doesn't give Billy a chance to explain anything. Nor does he listen to the youngers raw voice even as it grows in volume. And Steve knows as Billy's voice raises that feeling unheard is something that the blonde simply cannot stand.

They battle each others volume. Both wanting to be heard tempers never wane as the fight progresses.

It's worse than the first time they'd fought. And Steve once again feels the rush of overstimulation as a rosy hue graces his face tears pricking.

Getting up in Billy’s face, he thinks, is the fastest way to end an argument. He's never pondered why or thought more into it. All Steve knows is that all he has to do is crowd into Billy, get equally as aggressive, and Billy just stares at him, and the fight’s over after that.

So he does. He corners Billy crowding the blonde and invading the youngers personal space. And Billy just stays still, stares with that same gaze. One filled with acceptance all the while expecting something. - What exactly Billy is expecting he can't piece together. All Steve knows is that the look is so intense that it leaves him winded.

The argument is no more. Steve's slowly taken a step back. And Billy shoulders past him the moment he does so.

It's nothing.

Two fights admist the entirety of their relationship isn't bad. - Arguments didn't happen often and they'd worked through them. As far as Steve was concerned arguments were needed at times. They proved that they cared enough about one another to work through things together. Besides, there was no reason to dwell on them, especially if Billy didn't seem to. The arguments never escalated further than cutting remarks that neither meant. He knew of Billy's affection and god Steve sure hoped that Billy knew how much he adored him.

A few arguments couldn't take away from that right?

Especially not when they’re hardly about anything serious, to begin with—mostly just caused by the need to blow off steam and latching onto the nearest target which is almost always each other.
Steve's always just assumed that their dynamic - their relationship was about equal points of give and take. That Billy wouldn't be involved in an unequal partnership. Billy had always been vocal about wanting a relationship that brought forth as much as was put into it. It made sense when he thought of it Billy needed—someone to give it as much as he was. And Steve understood, wanted the same.

Had the same with Billy. A few fights couldn't change that.

Billy wanted someone who could stand up against the blonde, let the younger know when the blonde was wrong. And Steve’s more than willing to match him blow for blow. It just works.

It’s only around their third fight that Steve begins to wonder, has an inkling of a doubt seated in the back of his mind that maybe, just maybe, he's going about this wrong. That his method may not be the best for ending an argument. And that the tactic is possibly doing more harm than good. But most of all he begins to wonder if Billy even is aware of just how much he adores the younger.

They’re arguing about a course of action to take for the sudden rise in Upside Down-related activity, and Billy— is being needlessly risky- again. Steve can't stand it. Is sick of continuously seeing the other put in harm's way. Is even more tired of Billy being the one offering himself as some sort of sick twisted sacrifice.

Steve can't handle it. Not when Billy is so much more than that.

Steve continues listening as Billy drones on advocating for a plan. Eventually, the kids begin arguing back, Steve included. He can't help the swell of pride as his kids argue tooth and nail alongside him. He taught them well.

However, Steve feels his annoyance heighten as Billy's composure ebbs away. Voice raising and tone insisting as Billy affirms that it's the only way.

And Steve gets it, kind of, but he also gets that his stomach churns at the mere prospect of losing Billy. Wishes that he could convey to Billy that he's had nightmares about the subject alone. One's that has his heart thrumming against his chest, palms sweaty, and knuckles white.

But he can't. Has never been good at words when it comes to Billy. Isn't sure he'll ever become good at expressing what he feels.

Steve finally feels himself succumbing to his annoyance—that's now riddled with fear, and he’s screaming back at Billy.

His voice is lower than Billy's still mindful that the kids are around.

That they can hear it all. he shifts closer, once more crowding Billy. He isn't sure what he's even intent on doing. Steve is just desperate to make Billy understand.

That this isn't the only way. That Billy's life matters. Something Steve wishes Billy would understand.

Steve hovers until Billy is backed against the couch. - Not a wall this time but the couch - the kid's distinct chatter is the only sound that graces the moment.

Billy's silent as always blonde curls falling before suddenly dull eyes. Steve sees the tension within Billy's shoulders. Notices the way that those blue eyes meet his own shadowed behind ridiculously long lashes.

But it's that same fucking look that has him taking a step back. Feeling entirely suffocated. Guilty.

''Billy?''

The younger tenses before disappearing from the room. Steve's tempted to follow. In an attempt to fix whatever this is. Surprisingly enough he's beat to it. It's Will who follows Billy instead but not before sending him an indecipherable look.

The absence of the two has Steve feeling hollow as he sighs. Finally choosing to peek a look at the others.

Max has the most vulnerable expression he's ever seen on the girl. Dustin and Lucas mirror the same expression of animated disbelief. And Mike well Mike's just grinning.

Okay so maybe this isn't nothing.

______

Steve's jaw clenches - straining before finally setting. His lips are chewed in courtesy of his own anxiety. His own foolishness.

Apparently, Steve hadn't learned his lesson. Hadn't thought of it enough or restrained himself from acting mindlessly. Mutely and slightly astounded Steve peers down at the small form of Will Byers that'd wedged between him and Billy. Will wields a single slender finger upwards at him. A poor attempt at looking threatening. Albeit there's a fire in the brunette's eyes that Steve's never seen before. They'd been at the Byers' house when another incident had flared up. He just hadn't been expecting -

Jonathan's steady voice calls out to Will. But it doesn't seem to be enough. Billy finally seeming to be shaken out of a stupor gazes down at Will.

''Hey,'' Billy calls out gruffly shuffling the kid slightly. ''Byers it's okay.''

It takes a few moments for Will to react.

Eventually, Will's pointer finger cautiously lowers. Before the kid gazes up at Billy decidedly deeming the situation okay before scurrying away and towards Jonathan.

Steve isn't even sure when Billy had managed to slip from the room. But the sound of Billy's camero is all he needs to know that he's lost his chance at catching Billy.

The kids are long gone shooed into a separate room by Jonathan.

''Mind explaining to me,” Jonathan finally breathes out, accusatory eyes rounding on Steve. “The hell that was?”

''I don't know he just-''

'' I don't mean his reaction. - Think I know enough about that. I mean you getting up in his face. ''

''I- Billy- he's never said anything about it before.''

''He had to say something about it for you to stop? Did you think that he'd like it?'' Jonathan's incredulous voice asks.

''No,'' Steve finds himself insisting eyes fluttering shut in discomfort before snapping open. '' I- fuck I don't think. I just do it. Sometimes I just don't want to fight and I don't think I just react. ''

''You'd better talk with him. ''

''Yeah, yeah I should.'' He begins before starting once more.  ''Why did Will?''

Jonathan only smiles sadly before speaking.

'' Will doesn't like it when people get aggressive or fight. He's seen that enough from our parents. - I couldn't keep him away from it all god knows I tried. ''

Oh

Oh, Will had thought he'd been ready to hurt Billy. Had protected Billy from him all because he'd acted aggressively.

Steve feels completely fucking sick with himself.

____

The quarry is where Steve eventually finds Billy's figure. He gives a sigh of relief at having found the younger although it's short-lived as he finally gets a good look at his boyfriend.

The blonde is sitting across the front of the Camero. Crystalline droplets splattering across the hood painting a vivid picture of Billy's despair. He watches as Billy attempts to muffle long-winded sobs and feels his heartbreak at being the cause of this.

In hindsight, Steve should've noticed sooner. Maybe things would've never of gotten so out of hand.

But things had gotten out of hand and in turn, it'd been Billy who'd been forced to pick up the pieces.

''Billy'' Steve calls almost inaudibly as he cautiously sits beside the other.

He receives no acknowledgment from the other. And okay he deserved that. 

''Billy, please'' Steve tries again tears prodding at his eyes. He goes to gently brush Billy's tears away. But the movement seems too abrupt as Billy flinches. Eyes finally meet his own as Billy's wide baby blues scrutinize Steve.

And that god damned look he'd never understood finally makes sense.

''Fuck Billy you aren't stupid for flinching. You aren't weak for having trauma.'' Steve wonders how Billy had kept this all inside for so long. ''-Fuck I- I'm weak for ever reacting like that. But god Billy you've got to know that I'd never - I'd never do that. I'd never hit you.''

'' You do know that right?'' Steve can't help but sound disheartened voice thick. ''Billy?''

''Yeah of course. '' Billy finally relents. '' Just don't beat yourself up over it, please. You didn't know. It isn't a big deal. ''

''What isn't a big deal?'' Steve asks heart on his sleeve. His hand grips Billy's carefully clasping protectively over the youngers. ''Billy- what didn't I know?''

God, he hopes it isn't what he thinks it is.

''That Neil beats on me. It's fine - it's a whole thing - been going on for a while. ''

''Yeah no fuck that Billy. You've never deserved that. Neil is disgusting for putting you through that. And it doesn't matter what you've done - you should not have had to go through that. ''

Billy only nods. Steve sullenly drops his chin to lay atop of Billy's curls. This isn't the end of this conversation Steve won't let it be.

But it's a start and that's all that matters.