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Soushi understands that his actions towards Kazuki are irresponsible, and maybe even a little selfish. He acknowledges Toomi-senei's warning of what would- will happen to him if he continues his actions, but...
Soushi can't bring himself to care. Their battle against the festum has long since ended. He has nothing more he can do for the island now that they've obtained peace, but even so.
"Kazuki..."
The name slips off his tongue naturally and he stops in front of Rakuen and gazes through the window. He can see Kazuki standing behind the counter.
He seemingly looks perfectly find, but Soushi notices the slight hunch of his back and when he tries to look harder he can also see the green crystal forming on Kazuki's hand.
The sight is both a surprise yet not. Because according to data Kazuki shouldn't have another attack for sometime, but then there is also the high probability that Kazuki has been neglecting telling everyone about just how much he's been having his attacks.
Soushi clicks his tongue and stumps away after Kazuki recovers.
"He's lying to me." Soushi realizes. He feels hurt from the revelation but tries to ignore the pain. His feelings are irrelevant in the end. What truly matters is Kazuki's health, and nothing else.
That's what Soushi tells himself as he all but cries himself to sleep from the revelation that his beloved has much less time left to live than he thought.
Because his own pain is irrelevant. His anger when Kazuki suddenly apologizes out of context is irrelevant. His grief when Kazuki intentionally never answers the question "Are you okay?" is irrelevant, none of it matters.
That's what he tells himself when buries himself in research.
He has to admit that he is more than a little annoyed when he is basically forced to 'go home and get some rest' Soushi didn't want to but they continued to bug him until he agreed.
...Not that he actually rests when he goes to his room in Alvis. He instead begins to resume documenting his research. It was a safety protocol incase his selfish actions brought an end to him.
Even though his research hasn't quite gotten anywhere for what he wanted, he hopes someone else could take over and finish what he started after he was gone.
And that maybe unlike him. That person could actually succeed in saving the one they loved.
Time passes Soushi isn't sure how much but eventually Kenji calls him to ask if he was actually resting. Soushi does not lie and instead answers truthfully and says that he is working on something.
What follows is Kenji yelling at him to rest then saying "Everythings going to be okay." and hanging up the phone afterwards.
Soushi thinks about the words and smiles wryly. He can't believe in such words but he appreciates the meaning behind them.
More time passes and he begins to feel tired. He really should rest, however he wants- needs to finish this, but the world doesn't seem to want that as he hears his door open.
He wonders who could it he but doesn't bother to turn around. Was it Kenji trying to make sure he actually got some rest? Whoever it was did not announce their intrusion and simply kept walking closer to him.
He felt a hand gently placed on his shoulder and turned his head to look up at who was touching him and couldn't stop his eyes from growing wide from seeing who it was.
It took him but a moment to calm down and he turned around fully to face his intruder.
"Kazuki..."
"Soushi."
Kazuki stares at him, and Soushi notices that he looks sad and despite all the things Kazuki has to feel unhappy about Soushi feels that he is the one responsible for Kazuki's current expression.
He wants to apologize for worrying him but instead remembers what he saw that day. Kazuki having an attack when he wasn't supposed to, and neglecting to tell anyone, so Soushi turns back around in his chair. He feels bitter
He stares down at the papers and suddenly no longer feels like doing this, so he begins to gather the ones on his desk in a neat pile. Maybe he should rest. The lack of sleep was starting to make him act weird.
"You should get some rest." He hears Kazuki say, and he hums in acknowledgement but doesn't turn around to face him.
Even after he is already done stacking his work, he doesn't turn around. Because he doesn't want to look at Kazuki. He doesn't want to be faced with his failure, but at the same time he doesn't want be away from him.
A part of him thinks that maybe if he avoids Kazuki it won't hurt as much when the time comes, but in the end he can't stop himself from clinging to him almost everyday because he's scared.
He doesn't want to lose him. To be separated again.
"Soushi ple-" He hears Kazuki speak again but somethings wrong. Kazuki cuts himself off abruptly and lets out a pained grunt; it doesn't take long for Soushi to put two and two together. It's happening again.
He rushes out of his seat and over to Kazuki. He doesn't think when he puts his hands over Kazuki's and it takes a lot out of him to not make a pained groan from the sudden sensation.
It hurts more than last time and the spread is quicker and wider. Soushi can barely take it, but thankfully Kazuki takes notice of this and shakes him off.
Soushi takes a moment to gather himself. Trying to ignore the pain pulsating throughout his arms and the dizziness causing him to lose his balance.
He ignores it and instead focuses on Kazuki then guides him to the bed to sit down. "...Are you okay?" Soushi ask, and he hesitates when says it because he knows Kazuki isn't.
Kazuki doesn't respond, so Soushi simply puts his hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.
"It's happening more often now..." Soushi starts but pauses. Should he test Kazuki? To see if he will correct him and tell him the truth. "That's the second time this month." He finishes, but Kazuki still says nothing. Soushi can't stop the twinge of pain he feels in response.
He knows Kazuki is only keeping it from him so that he won't worry more than necessary but he can't help but feel a little betrayed from having the truth kept from him, or maybe he's just being selfish again. Soushi isn't sure.
Kazuki removes the hand he was holding in front of his face and squints at the light. His eyesight must have returned. Soushi thinks. Kazuki blinks rapidly then looks at Soushi.
Kazuki's blushing slightly. Is it because of their proximity? Soushi ignores it. Now was not the time for such things.
"Your eyesight returned." Soushi states, and rubs circles in Kazuki's back. "...You should get some rest." He adds, of course even he himself could also use some sleep.
Kazuki chuckles, and it takes a lot for Soushi to hide his surprise; it felt like it had been a long time since he last heard Kazuki laugh.
"I'm not the one who hasn't slept in a few days." Kazuki says.
Soushi's taken aback. Did Kenji tell Kazuki? "...Yes...but." Soushi starts but Kazuki doesn't allow him to finish.
"I'll rest if you join me."
Soushi blinks, and a part of him wonders if Kazuki realizes the risk he's asking Soushi to take. That if he accepts he risks being assimilated in his sleep, but Soushi keeps this to himself.
"Join- I... don't have much of a choice do I?"
Kazuki smiles at him. He's being cheeky Soushi notices, and maybe even a little devious. Because Soushi knows that Kazuki is aware that he will not deny a request from the other out of fear that he'll regret it once he is gone.
He knows that Kazuki hates it but he doesn't plan on suddenly denying his dying partners requests anytime soon.
However just this once he is feeling a little reluctant. "I still have somethings I wanted to finish." Soushi mumbles, but Kazuki isn't buying it and narrows his eyes.
"Soushi you look ready to pass out at any moment just rest."
Soushi can't deny that accusation but at the sametime he just feels like he shouldn't comply with Kazuki.
"...I can rest later." Soushi hesitates.
"Soushi..." Kazuki pouts, and Soushi tries to look away but Kazuki just continues to stare at him until Soushi eventually sighs and concedes.
They both lay on the bed. Simply staring at one another. Soushi doesn't know if he should say anything or just sleep. His question is answered when Kazuki speaks up..
"...We haven't done this in awhile." Kazuki starts, and his voice sounds melancholy. "I...I would like for this moment to last." Kazuki finishes.
Soushi agrees. As time is quickly fleeting and any moment could be their last Soushi treasures every moment with Kazuki. No matter how small or insignificant.
Soushi almost opens his mouth to express his thoughts but keeps it to himself. There is no need to say such things, so he instead simply moves up and lays a kiss on Kazuki's forehead. "I will be here when you awake."
Its words of reasurence that Kazuki will awake. That there will be a tomorrow, that there's still hope, and that he hasn't given up just yet. It's a pretty lie.
He feels Kazuki move closer and nuzzle against him. Kazuki is warm, and he's trembling.
"It isn't fair." He hears Kazuki mumble. He's scared. Kazuki's scared, and Soushi doesn't know what to do, what to say, so he cradles him and holds him in his arms and rubs his back.
It doesn't completely stop his trembling but it calms it. Soushi squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn't want to lose Kazuki, to be separated again and unable to feel his warmth.
Soushi lets out a long sigh. Kazuki's trembling stops.
If Kazuki has to die then he will die with him Soushi decides. He won't let Kazuki be alone. He won't leave him again. Not ever. They'll stay together and he'll make sure of it. Even if he has to sacrifice himself. They will stay together.